Dear Rosemary left a comment last week when I posted my Easter table, that
Table decoration does not come naturally to me, so seeing some images helps me remember the salt and pepper, change the tablecloth, put some bunnies or eggs or candles out! I am truly a work in progress… as we all are.
I agree, we are a work in progress!
I'm sure I inadvertently reveal all sorts of inadequacies of my life over here on the interwebs — it's sort of a risk of the enterprise. So I am not judging, but I do wish to help a bit, when I see something about family life on someone's instructive video or blog that isn't quite what it could be. I'm especially thinking of all the wonderful people who put so much effort into growing good, healthy, natural food, but then there is something lacking in the way they sit down to eat…
… maybe they don't know how to set the family table?
(Keep scrolling past this holiday extravaganza for what I am talking about: everyday table setting!)
My power went out last week before I got the wineglasses set, so here is your view now of of my Easter table!
And the festive holiday setting might seem so dauntingly special that we don't realize that a certain minimum standard ought to obtain at the ordinary family supper table.
What is the point of formality if the ordinary days are dreary or just not given attention…
Truly, the mother needs to think it all through and do what is necessary (and buy what is necessary!) to provide for a happy family meal, and, for the sake of maintaining a good resolution, practicality. Life already has a lot of moving parts, including things to clean and wash; why add to the load?
Well, there are reasons, but we can keep it realistic.
Some of those reasons?
- Family dinner is one aspect of the sacramental life established by marriage (which, remember, is a sacrament for the baptized!). Before you give up right here, due to the naughtiness of your offspring, remember that I have posts galore (and a whole section in my book) on how to accomplish dinner together. I will link them below in the archives section! It's a worthy goal to eat together, and will fortify your family against attacks and even destruction.
- Life is hierarchical, and hierarchy is expressed in ritual. We need to reflect that reality in this gathering that we accomplish (and we do accomplish it, for better or for worse, because they — and you know who they are — have to eat). Ritual is expressed in material things — conviviality, conversation, enjoyment: these all happen by means of material circumstances. Yes, the food; but other things too, and I will show you what those are.
- We teach our children obedience not by random stabs of oppressive authority, but by a loving and affectionate structure that we build in the home, to live the truth that authority ought not to be the same as raw power, and obedience is not a burden, but a peaceable fruit of justice.
- Pretty things, arranged with motherly love, radiate goodness. Our children will come to expect humble order and everyday beauty, and that expectation will stand them in good stead later on, when allurements not based in love come their way. They will already know what home looks and feels like, and they will take that knowledge with them, making it their own in their own way, which is the flourishing of beauty in the world.
But this is all quite simple — by now you are expecting something so grandiose, but it's just that the collective memory needs a little jog — nothing too overwhelming.
I'll use my kitchen table here for demonstration purposes, because I haven't dismantled my dining table Easter setting yet! (I do recommend using your dining room if you have a lot of children. It can feel much more peaceful for the mother to leave the kitchen behind. A lot of the perceived difficulty of the family dinner table is the mental “noise” of the kitchen the mother has been in for many hours.)
When we moved here 24 years ago, I bought this wonderful table that has two leaves that store right under the table top — it can sit six or eight or ten (and more if you put two people on each end). It's sturdy maple and has some finish that protects it against heat, which has helped me simplify life, tablecloth-wise. I find that with children, a tablecloth offers too much scope for pulling, yanking, spilling… and the obvious laundry pressure is too much. I like a wipeable surface but I also wanted it to be beautiful, and this table works great for me.
If you find an older table with a worn finish, I recommend sanding the top and then finishing it with beeswax — you can stain it first if you want to (and that is remarkably easy to do!), but the wax will slightly darken it if you like the color. My den coffee table got this treatment and it's amazingly waterproof now. The beeswax is easy to re-apply and quite wipeable. I do not recommend painting the top of your table — paint will inevitably chip, and you will start to have that annoyed feeling that things are grubby…
Just make sure that the table is sturdy, and ditto the chairs (sturdy, non-tipping benches work great too! ).
I have two stools at either end of my island, and sometimes if our gathering is large, people do spill over to those spots for their supper, but in general, I would not default to serving meals at the island, for reasons of hierarchy and ritual that I go into below. I know that big kitchen island bars seem like a fixture for eating, but in my opinion, meals should be taken at the table!
If you love textiles but share my ansty-ness about tablecloths for daily use, you can channel that love into a small cloth in the center (not even rising to the level of table runner, which offers the same sort of target of opportunity as a tablecloth, to be honest). I have found and been handed down many sweetly embroidered and decorated little linens that work well to provide a sort of landing place for objects that need to be on the table, without needing constant attention.
I love using cloth napkins (all cotton or linen — don't waste your money on any synthetics as they will annoy the heck out of you and not last). The key is to have individualized napkin rings and to make some sort of ritual out of putting the napkins into said ring when the little imps are being excused. Paper napkins are… trashy… and cloth napkins can be reused quite a bit if that ring is faithfully deployed. They can be kept in a basket, not at the places, because you have to wipe down your table after every meal and they will be in your way. The children can be taught to put them in the basket or on the tray.
Every few days (or after a particularly messy supper), collect and wash them. As with candles, the key is to have a good supply.
They are easy enough to make, but I often find nice ones on clearance at Marshall's or my local big-lot store (here it's called Ocean State Job Lot — do you have a store like that? over in a corner you will find cloth napkins and even china — all sorts of things to use for the family table).
Candles… every table needs to have candles. I die a little when people don't light their candles (and totally reject a restaurant with none! what on earth) — an unlit candle at supper is rather sad.
I used to be that hostess/mother, though! I thought of the candles as things to put in the candlesticks: decoration only. What changed? Having a stash of candles! A big stash… and getting them blessed at Candlemas. You need enough so that you don't worry about hoarding them. Just buy them in bulk (I love these — yes, beeswax are superior but these are great — affiliate link).
When you light the candles, the children become calm and attentive, and the table takes on a holy glow. You can use votives (affiliate link) if you don't trust your tribe to be civilized with tapers, and if there is a lot of passing across the table, tapers may indeed be risky! But if you do go for tapers, establish a rule early on that they not be touched — it's a bad habit to pick at the hardened drips anyway; just leave them alone.
You can make rules about who lights them and who snuffs them, but it's all worth it! Candles make the table.
It really does matter who sits where. You will have to strategize — and then update your strategy periodically — regarding seat mates, high chair location, and positioning of persons capable of passing platters and helping needy siblings.
But most importantly, the father ought to sit at the head of the table and the mother at the other end (I like to sit at the end that gives me quickest access to the kitchen work area, since you know I will be going back there for something).
Establishing the hierarchy in this practical way wordlessly conveys so much to the children. We could lecture them about Dad's authority, or we could put him at the head of the table. We could harangue them about needing to respect their parents — or we could be king and queen in our manor without mentioning a thing, even if our manor is an apartment on the third floor!
The family is not a democracy — but even in a democracy, there is order and hierarchy (or soon will be, no matter how hard the citizens try to achieve equality). What you don't want, what will not be good for your family, is for a child to be in the position meant for the parent. Besides, at the ends of the table, the parents can more easily keep order and give each other the necessary glances.
I almost always have a stack of plates at my place and serve that way, rather than pass the food, since small children can't handle taking their own food and passing serving dishes — by the time they do, everything is cold! This way I can tailor the helpings to the person and avoid throwing food away, a pet peeve of mine! You can eat as much as you want — just don't waste it!
Sometimes you have to feed the children first when there are a lot of them, but there can still be the essentials at the table!
With a lot of people, there often is not enough room for the food as well, though I do prefer serving “family style” with the food in nice cooking vessels or serving dishes, so I will serve it from the island, putting only the bread and butter on the table, and maybe the salad.
Here you see the stack of plates ready to go — if I were actually serving supper, you'd see the food there too, and I can easily get up to give people seconds or bring the serving dishes to the table later to pass, having consolidated somewhat.
Put the things you will need on or near the table so that you aren't jumping up and down all the time!
What are these things that you need handy?
- Candles, matches — making a matchbox with a strike plate is a good craft for a child and will serve you well, upping your prettiness quotient for sure — and a receptacle for spent matches. Look around and you will find something to use for that purpose (a stray soft-boiled egg cup, a small saucer, a little bowl)
- Salt and pepper
- Napkins (cloth ones in a basket, a stash of paper ones for a particularly greasy/messy meal nearby in their own holder)
- A water pitcher — get a nice, sturdy one. An enameled one is pretty and durable. Now that it's just the two of us, I have the borosilicate one you see here (affiliate link), but I bring out my enameled one when there are lots of kids
- Cups — I prefer sturdy, virtually unbreakable Duralex glasses that are kept on personalized coasters, or tin cups in various colors that can be tracked during the day (I have picked those up at thrift stores over the years)
- Utensils — Some mothers use a caddy and keep it on the sideboard near the table; at least have them not clear across the room (mine are in the drawer of the island), because you will find you need access to them
- Some sort of little centerpiece as the liturgical season suggests
- A tray and/or linen to make a defined spot for these things, as well as to facilitate wiping the table down after the meal — you can slide it to one side or remove it completely in one go (if tray)
Sit down, mother, to eat. Let your husband lead grace, with everyone joining in after he has begun. What is the point in growing or otherwise obtaining good food and preparing it well if we are not going to thank God for it? What is it all for?
In our house it's like this: I survey everything (or delegate to a competent child) to be sure we have everything we need and are ready — meaning children are seated and we've supplied the necessaries as outlined above — and I am ready to sit down. (Often I do remain standing during grace and sit down when it's over, but the main point is that I am ready to be seated! And not just continuing to bustle about.)
To get everyone's attention, I say, “Let's say grace,” and that's my husband's cue to begin the Sign of the Cross and start, “Bless us O Lord” (or intone our sung grace)* — and we all join in, having also made the Sign of the Cross.
And then we enjoy our supper as a family! I hope you do too, and I hope this helps if you have been having a bit of trouble figuring out the family table!
*(Dear Anel reminded me to mention grace after the meal, which can coincide with “you miscreants darling children are excused from the table, thank your mother for the good food” and not actually be at the very end — you can still sit and enjoy your more civilized conversation! Dad could say it all in Latin!)
bits & pieces
- My friend Deacon Bob Connor gave a beautiful homily on the occasion of the death of a small baby whom he had just baptized two weeks before.
- Divorce harms children: Nine people recount their experience. Let's do our best to help families stay together — let's never accept divorce.
- N. T. Wright on the Resurrection of Jesus and its reality — in the New York Times! (unlocked)
- Questioning all my life choices about never learning to dance! A young couple do the Charleston to some of my favorite jazz
- African children play Vivaldi on their marimbas!
from the archives
As promised above, here are some of my family dinner together posts:
- The first phase — putting in the effort — it's worth it, I promise!
- Seven strategies (with my #1 most important tip from my husband)
- When the bigs get older — can we still have family dinners?
All the posts (and much more!) are collected and edited in my book, The Summa Domestica! If you love detailed explanations of every little thing, then you should buy it!
liturgical living
Rounding out the Octave of Easter!
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My book, The Summa Domestica: Order and Wonder in Family Life is available now from Sophia Press! All the thoughts from this blog collected into three volumes, beautifully presented with illustrations from Deirdre, an index in each volume, and ribbons!
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Amy says
What a fun post! I just have one question: how badly stained do the cotton napkins become, or, how do you approach said stains?
Leila says
They become dirty but not really stained! I wash them with kitchen towels and dish cloths, usually with a bit of bleach, in warm or hot water. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1UW52S274DsBy2H7_nymaVoxmI-A7cLra7s_yoHZsxPY/edit?usp=sharing
It’s helpful to find ones with busy patterns… and if they are all-cotton, they will last for years. I finally got rid of ones I had had for literally 20 years… just because they were starting to get holes!
Try switching them out each day and then seeing how it goes. You might be surprised that you can get a few days out of cloth napkins. Of course, learning better methods of eating is important too.
Amy says
Haha great point about eating methods 😉
Amy A. says
Hello fellow Amy! We are 3 years into cotton napkins now and the only stain I have not been able to fully remove is when I accidentally left the return address stamp on the table after working on the Christmas cards and the preschooler used it on the napkins 😀 Even that has faded to a grey smudge though, so I just fold it inside the napkin and give that one to said preschooler as a form of poetic justice! Occasionally I will use a stain stick on foods like marinara sauce, chocolate syrup, etc., but I agree with everything Auntie Leila says here and downthread – we usually go 3-4 days on a napkin, I wash them on warm or hot with the towels and a tablespoon of 20 mule team borax, that seems to do for stains and smells just fine for us! And I 100% agree that patterns are helpful in hiding stains, and for truly messy meals we use paper napkins too. For logistics, we don’t have napkin rings but we leave the napkins at each person’s assigned spot at the table until they are washed, they never go back in the cabinet with the clean and folded ones.
Anna says
If you leave the napkins in place, does that mean you don’t use the table for other things? Thanks…
Kimberly in So Cal says
We leave our napkins on our placemats at the table now, but couldn’t do that when everyone was younger and we were homeschooling. The table was used for so much — schooling, crafting, playing games, etc. But back then, with children and not young adults, I preferred washing the napkins after each use anyway. I would buy cotton and linen napkins at thrift stores whenever the prices were good and the colors compatible with my style, and I also sewed tradition napkins from cotton fabric (rather than the doubled 10″ squares I do now).
I didn’t mind washing napkins from every meal and wouldn’t mind it now. They are a small portion of the weekly load of cleaning towels, dish towels, dish cloths, etc. And I found that folding napkins was an excellent first laundry task for preschoolers.
By using placemats, I only need to wipe the table every few days when it gets dusty. Wet messes on the placemats necessitate changing them, but a few dry crumbs can just be shaken into the sink so I can reuse the placemats.
Domminique says
Auntie Leila,
This was such a beautiful and soul nuturing post, like all of your writing. Thank-you for taking the practical and making it beautiful while inspiring the everyday homeschooling/ homesteading/ homemaking wife with words of encouragement and hope that the details do indeed matter. And giving the necessary instructions on the ‘how to’ of making it happen.
God be praised for your work in helping all of us ‘get it together’ over the years.
But now, a practical question, about the napkins.
When you say, “Every few days (or after a particularly messy supper), collect and wash them,” I am confused. Are you saying to put the used napkins back in the basket after said meal if they are not too dirty? Maybe I’m misunderstanding, just paranoid or silly and ignorant, but wouldn’t that be gross? Germs, saliva, the crusted nose sludge one didn’t notice on the napkin….or do you mean everyone has their own napkin ring and you identify people’s napkins to give them back their own at the next meal & then wash after a full days work? I feel my napkins will not even survive one meal with a peanutbutter sandwich with my children, well, the boys at least.
I have been buying the ‘trashy’ (and yes I do not like them) paper napkins because I feel I would need about 20 cloth ones to just get through the day here and then it goes to the laundry problem. (Yes I’ve read all the posts & laundry section in the book – working on it! Or in the words of the infamous Fr. Ripperger working on ’embracing the full pain of my vocation.’ Laundry and most things are not my strength. Sigh. But you give me hope. So much hope. Thank-you for that.)
So sorry for what seems like a basic question. I’m sure something is not computing. Needing some corporeal work of mercy here.
Yours Truly,
The Ignorant in need of Instruction
Leila says
Well, I did raise three boys LOL…
The napkin rings identify the napkin that goes with the person. They do go in the basket, or if your boys are works in progress and you don’t even want your napkin touching theirs, leave them at their places for now.
They need to learn to eat without getting food all over their hands and mouths (and if I were serving fried chicken or spaghetti I would use paper napkins to be honest). Obviously a toddler is not going to be great at this, and his napkin needs to be thrown in the hamper (usually they don’t use theirs, though — theirs are often the cleanest! yikes)
I have a box of tissues in the kitchen (in most every room actually) and was always hawkish on keeping noses clean, even if it means getting up during the meal to attend.
The person uses his very own designated napkin for a couple of days, and then one child is dispatched to collect them and put them in the hamper (wash them with the other kitchen linens, thus: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1UW52S274DsBy2H7_nymaVoxmI-A7cLra7s_yoHZsxPY/edit?usp=sharing)
and you start out fresh again.
Try having each member of the family use a napkin, properly retired in his own napkin ring, for one day. See how it goes. You might realize that you can indeed go a few days, four days? without having to take them away for laundering.
Domminique says
Thank-you Auntie Leila! Much appreciated.
I guess I just need to give it a go & not be so paranoid. Will now be scouring for wooden napkin rings. I had no idea about this practice and it totally makes such good sense!
My kids aren’t all that bad. I tend heavy on hyperbole when writing and I guess I did make my boys sound like slobs. Sorry gentlemen!
Your table settings, both simple and eleborate, look absolutely radiant. Thank-you for always sharing the beauty of your home and life.
Leila says
Thank you! (I get it about the exaggeration LOL)
Kari Brane says
We made our own napkin rings by cutting up a cardboard tube from an aluminum foil roll (anything else isn’t sturdy enough) then we glue fabric and or ribbon on them so each person chooses their own decoration. I wash all my napkins once a week and because they all know their own napkin rings, it makes it easy to keep track. If one is particularly gross, I’ll throw it in the hamper and get a clean one. Eventually, the napkin rings wear out, but it works well for a few years.
Michelle says
I never would have considered reusing napkins until a trip to Italy. The lovely hotel we stayed in also served our meals, and we had an envelope with our name that we put our napkin into at the end of the meal. We used the same one for the several days we were at this hotel .
I need to find some napkin rings! We’ve also had patterned napkins that coordinated well, but didn’t match. Each member of the family was assigned his own pattern. All the kids knew which napkin was theirs.
Leila says
If you can find different patterned ones (hard to get up above 4 or 6, and duplicates just will not fly!), try to find wooden ones and paint them.
Mine need re-doing — maybe I will post about them when I get around to that task!
Dixie says
Michelle, we use thick, colored hair ties as napkin rings. Each person has their own color. It works great.
Kimberly in So Cal says
We’ve used cloth napkins for the entirety of our 30+ year marriage. When the children were younger I tried napkin rings, but decided to wash napkins after each meal instead. As a small family, it usually came to 8 – 12 napkins per day, as my youngest often doesn’t use a napkin, but my oldest uses one for snacks.
My oldest still uses a fresh napkin for each meal, due to the habit of using it on his nose. I am hoping when he returns to the nest this spring that we can have an adult-to-adult conversation about not doing that, because while he has been away at university we’ve found that we can use the same napkins for a few days at a time. (Right now it is my husband, myself, our youngest, and a bonus kid who shares enough of our weekly suppers that we leave a place set for him.) We simply fold the napkins and leave them on our placemats. I wash the napkins and placemats every 3-4 days as needed.
For our everyday meals, we use napkins I have sewn, in what is a somewhat unique format. I take 10″ squares, sew them together right sides facing leaving a gap, then turn them right side out and do a nice top stitch all around. I came up with this idea when I had a fabric “layer cake” which is many 10″ squares in coordinating fabrics. I had found through the years that my family rarely unfolded their napkins beyond a square, and so inspiration struck and I made this new kind of napkin for us. I now have sets for every season and for many holidays seasons as well: Advent/Winter (poinsettias and pine cones), Christmas, St. Valentine’s Day, Spring, Easter (we have these in use now and will use them until Pentecost with a few exceptions), Summer, Memorial Day/Fourth of July, Fall, Halloween, Dia de Muertos, and Thanksgiving. I love the touch of seasonality these bring to the table, and have plans for more napkins for additional holidays and liturgical observances.
We have traditional napkins for more formal meals, but most of our frequent guests really love the little 10″ double squares.
Leila says
I like that napkin idea!
The key to not using the napkin on the nose is to have a box of tissues QUITE handy! Some families seem not to use tissues… but I don’t get that! Maybe our noses are just drippier. But I tend to think not…
Cirelo says
No, we are drippy, but we are just cheap in the extreme(notice I didn’t use the word frugal and I’m not calling it a virtue)! And probably suffer from scruples about waste imposed on us from some hippie ancestors. 🙂
Leila says
I am all about not wasting paper, but tissues are a non-negotiable. What you use up in tissues you will recover in not having every cold spread around…
Christina A says
I’m right there with Rosemary, so I always appreciate the reminder to put in the effort to beautify the table with more than just food! 🙂
Where did you find that salt and pepper grinder holder? I’d love to keep ours together, and keep them from leaving little pepper and salt piles all over the table.
That article by Katy Faust is just heartbreaking, and so important. My nieces and nephews that have suffered from their parents’ divorces often put a brave face on it, but there are so many long-term effects on them, especially now as they’ve gotten married and had their own children. I heard her on the Relatable podcast with Allie Beth Stuckey a few years ago, and it was so helpful to hear her talk about children’s rights in all of these adult decisions that affect children so deeply: divorce, remarriage, surrogacy, etc. One of my cousins was a surrogate for her friends, but it just never sat right with me. I didn’t know exactly why until listening to that podcast. It seemed so selfless to everyone around me (my cousin refused payment, her friends only covered the medical care), but the sense of loss and confusion the child will feel was never really considered. 🙁
Leila says
The salt and pepper grinders were a gift from Deirdre. I’m not sure where she got them, but the little tray (which is a re-purposed wooden tray from one of those Melissa and Doug toys! I covered it in pretty paper!) is indeed clutch for keeping salt and pepper off the table. The caddy they come in doesn’t quite hold them steady — kids tend to tip them over if they use the caddy and adults do too to be honest — we just pass without the caddy. The caddy in the tray keeps things tidy for the most part, though!
I really recommend giving Leila Miller’s book Primal Loss to adult (and even older teenage) children of divorce. It’s very healing. https://amzn.to/3KIuR0f
Surrogacy is a terrible human rights violation that stems directly from the cultural accommodation with divorce. The child feels so bereft as a result of this cataclysmic event that he loses his (and she loses her) connection with her body and with others very easily. We cannot accept this situation in any form! One cannot consent to something evil!
Blayne says
Don’t worry about the stained napkins! Lol
I have been using cloth napkins for years and years. I have so many. I pick them up anytime I see them at the thrift store. Like you said, having a large stash is key. Keep a separate laundry hamper for kitchen linens, and basically they are one full load during the week, totally doable.
Do keep a full set clean and available for special dinners and guests.
Alea says
I do like your comment about where mom and dad sit, but when our kids were all old enough to serve themselves, we changed up so my husband and I sit next to each other. One at the head, one just around the corner. I LIKE to sit by him and I think the kids should see and know that. We’ve also gotten to where we often forget to light the candles, now that the kids don’t argue over who gets to do it! I need to work on assigning it. Thanks for the lovely reminders for me to step up my game again!
Leila says
I’m going to challenge you a bit on this!
Re-read my “seven rules for taming the barbarians” and think about what one conversation at the table means for civilizing your children.
I think there are enough circumstances where the kids are going to eat and converse on their own. There is something formative about the ritual at the dinner table. It’s not for long (either per supper or in their lifetimes!). Being asked to “think your thoughts if you can’t listen” and sit still for your conversation with your husband across the table is a great skill for a person to learn. I spell it all out in that post (linked in the “from the archives” section). Becoming an attentive listener and a conversationalist who can engage the whole room is almost a lost art, mainly due to the demise of the ritualized family dinner table.
I am greatly in favor of each family doing what creative and wonderful things they wish to do in the intimacy of their own home! Do what you like! Just hear me out here 🙂
Carolyn says
Auntie Leila, you are an inspiration.
Kate says
I do agree that we need to sit at the head and tail. We recently had my mother in law, who is suffering with Alzheimer’s disease, move in with us. At first we thought it respectful to give her the tail of the table, and nice for me to sit close to my husband. After reading Aunty Leila’s post, and lamenting on how our dinner times had turned stressful and uncontrollable, I decided to relocate to the tail of the table. I have found that I can direct conversations that sometimes go a bit strange with dear Nana, tame the little barbarians, and my husband can lend a gentle hand to his mom when needed. It felt like the light was turned on in the room and we could all chat again. And I could see all my children’s faces and my husband at once which is always a joy at the end of a day!
Kimberly in So Cal says
When my children were young we sat in our breakfast room, with the children on the built in banquette and my husband and I in chairs. While it wasn’t the tradition “head and foot” of the table, the type of seating did create a sense of adults and children as separate. However, I had a sloucher who was enabled by the banquette, and so we moved to the dining room for meals, and sat head and foot with the children at each side.
However, now that the children are young adults, we have changed how we sit. I sit at the foot of the table (closest to the kitchen) and my husband sits to my side. We eat this way because for many meals it is just the two of us, and as you say, we like sitting next to each other (plus we don’t have to speak up to be heard across the 6+ feet of table – at it’s smallest). However, when we sit four or five at the table, my youngest takes the head seat, and now that I think about, there is a sense of holding court or ruling over the table, so I’m going to switch things back when we are all together and see how that impacts the power dynamic.
Leila says
Now that we are alone, my husband and I also sit together. But when we have anyone else, we go back to the way it was!
Katie says
I have found that sometimes space limitations and how many kids are in high chairs also play a role in where everyone sits.
Kyndra Ferguson Steinmann says
For us in the season of teens with some sports and classes in the evenings, breakfast has become our family meal with the little children having tea around 4pm and a bedtime snack and bigger kids eating around their schedules. Lenten breakfasts were rather dull- some can’t eat eggs/dairy and we give up sugar. I think I’m going to commit to setting a pretty breakfast table during Easter to help revive our family time!
Serena says
Inspiring me to look at getting more cloth napkins – I have one set! My mom always used paper towels so that is what I have done. But I am now in my 2nd decade of parenting and all my kiddso are fully capable of being neat (or close to it). Thank you for this post!
I love everything about your table, especially the plates and coaster! Where did you get those?
Leila says
The patterned plates are called Blue Danube and were discontinued about a decade ago (why??). They are mighty hard to find, but I needed new “everyday” ones and happened across a reasonably priced set on Ebay. However, I dread chipping or breaking them (though they are pretty sturdy — again, why would they discontinue them??), and found those nice white ones at the Ocean State Job Lot for very cheap! So those are now my “even more everyday” ones!
The coaster is from Turkey — my son-in-law brought it home for me after his deployment in Afghanistan. You can sometimes find them in stores here…
MarinaL says
Leila, your every day plates are my “good china”. 😄 It’s really because I inherited them from my Grandmother recently, and they’re a good step up from the motley assortments of hand-me-downs that is my every day ware. The set is really lovely, though. Pretty enough to display in the china cabinet that I also inherited from her (I use inherited loosely – she is still living, thanks be to God, but needed to downsize to move in with my aunt).
This is a very timely post. I experienced a bit of a pang when I surveyed your Easter table. I want my children to feel comfortable around a nicely set table, not intimidated as I did (and still do sometimes). Unfortunately, I’m not always clear on which parts of a nicely set table are the essential parts, and that’s where this post was helpful.
Leila says
The saga of the Blue Danube is a long one… very involved, with me LOOKING for “everyday” plates and finding first, a complete set for 12 of very nice china on FB Marketplace for $75! (you can see them in the Thanksgiving post of 2021 when we didn’t use them because at the last minute Phil came down with You Know What). I gave those to my new daughter-in-law Jaime — she hadn’t registered for china and she liked them very much. Interestingly, she has Blue Danube that was handed down to her! But she says a bunch of them are chipped…
So, still looking for everyday dishes, I chanced across a set of 12 dinner plates for a good price (every other ones I found are hideously expensive!). So I bought those! But believe me, ever since I was a girl I had wanted them as my good china! Just could never afford them… what you see on my Easter table here are the 6 plates I bought after we were married, stretched out with Pier One white-with-gold-rim ones… I don’t mind, I like things mis-matched. And I also have my MIL’s set which is pretty and just a little the worse for wear… and not complete…
Anyway, I did get a tiny chip on one of the BD plates, so when I found these new white ones at the discount store, very low price, I went for them. So now I really do have “everyday” — and they will mix in with the BD in a pinch!
I also found 8 little bowls in BD at our local antiques mall for really cheap, lucky me! I am gobsmacked at how much they are fetching on Etsy etc. I have no idea why the company would have discontinued this pattern!
And that’s the saga 🙂
Julia says
I also loved this Saturday post. I need to recommit to cloth napkins. One of my favorite wedding gifts was a set of silver candlesticks. This was not on our registry and I didn’t know how much beauty it would add to our family life. We delight in lighting candles in our two candlesticks every evening for dinner. It might have taken me a decade to discover this beautiful tradition if it were not for my husband’s godmother’s wedding gift!
Elizabeth says
I like the idea of Father at the head of the table and Mother at the other end but what about when you have a big table and not that many people to fill it? Our table isn’t really all that big even, but it’s oval rather than square and we only have two little kids so far. I’m afraid putting them along the sides with us on either end will mean neither of us can really reach to help the kids much! Any suggestions?
Leila says
Ah yes, you need more children STAT! haha…
You will figure it out. I think when our children were so small we sat with my husband at one end and me on the side. But soon enough we filled the table up!
Anamaria says
We sat each on one end, with one kid near each of us. They were on opposite sides- so kitty korner from each other. (this is often what we do if he’s home late and the “little kids” are already in bed.)
Olivia says
I am going to start baby stepping my way to this goal of a beautifully set table. I will start with a candle for our Sunday dinner because my husband really loves them. Cloth napkins are perpetually on the thrift store list, but mine never seems to have them. I suppose I’ll have to buy some new.
Leila says
Yes exactly! Remember, the key is to have a good stash of candles, and that means keeping your eyes open everywhere for sales and clearances. Even one taper in a candlestick or one votive makes a huge difference to the atmosphere!
It’s easy to make napkins (and to find them on clearance at Home Goods etc). And if you have a coupon for Michaels, you can buy bandannas and start right there!
Dixie says
An easy way to get lots of napkins for cheap is to cup up patterned cotton into 12″-14″ squares. Sew a straight line very close (1/8″, 1/4″) to the edge with a small stitch length all the way around. As you wash them over time, they edges will fray into a pretty little fringe. Just pull off any loose threads. Perfectly fine for everyday napkins, and much easier than facing rolling all these hems. Our oldest ones that I made this way are 10 years old and still going strong.
This is so easy that we have been able to get big stashes of napkins for each season. Purples for Lent and Advent; Christmas prints for Christmastide; etc.
We wash them on hot with the towels, too. Even when something does stain, with a print it’s almost unnoticeable and doesn’t matter for an everyday napkin.
Cas says
A note on the napkin rings: we’ve always simply tied a corner of the napkin to the ring. I still have the ring (and the napkins!) I used as a child, a couple of decades ago…
I’m from Italy and candles on the table are definitely foreign to me. But – we do use a tablecloth at every meal, that’s pretty standard for everyone here I think… usually I just wash it once a week with the napkins and kitchen cloths. (No, the tablecloth is definitely not spotless by day 5 or 6, but I can live with a couple of wine drops on it until washday comes around.)
Melisa says
I may just have to purchase some cloth napkins. I know paper napkins are tacky and wasteful, but the convenience…
I’m definitely sold on candles – and flowers (Trader Joe’s has some inexpensive bouquets). Also, a lovely branch of evergreen cut from our yard can go far to liven up the table. The little ones do like to snuff out the candles, and I understand it’s much safer using one of those ‘snuffers’ than blowing them out.
I really like the Duralex glasses from France, and have successfully found them inexpensively at thrift stores. (I first heard of them on your site, Auntie Leila.) I also recently found some Arcopal dishes at a Goodwill, and they’re just beautiful! They are made in France of tempered glass, are non-porous, lead free – and remind me a bit of milk glass. They were a great find, and I recommend them for anyone that’s interested.
Another thought I have is a way for children to contribute to the table decorations by making place cards. Especially for holidays, my children love to write their (and others’) names and draw/color seasonal decorations on them. Just fold an index card in half, give them some coloring supplies, and this keeps them happily occupied for a small time.
Making things beautiful does make a huge difference in one’s outlook/mood/spirits.
Lisa Beth W. says
Candles are indeed lovely, but people need to be careful not to be buying candles that will send toxins into the air. Make sure to buy clean waxes (like soy) and clean wicks (lead free)!
Love your table and the way it is set for family meals.
Lisa Beth W. says
Oh, and watch out for artificially fragranced candles, as well.
sibyl says
Oh, this was such a great post! As a mom well having entered the 3rd decade of parenting, I can attest that having a nicely set table with candles is very, very helpful for taming the barbarians and keeping the focus on conversation and togetherness. Also, a simple but beautiful table can be done with almost no money, as others have said. Just like the little oratory (everyone buy the book — it’s so good!) you use what is in your yard, in your garden, and in your fruit bowl. Sometimes when we don’t have flowers, I will put pretty dried leaves or branches, or a saint statue. And the littles did learn not to twiddle with the centerpiece, but we’re still working with the teens not to pick the wax drippings off the candlesticks!
We live in Minnesota, where in the winter it gets dark at 4:30 in the afternoon, so candles on the table are really important to my mental health. When I am able to afford them, these beeswax candles are my very favorite: https://www.leafletonline.com/beeswax-taper-candles.
They burn so long, and have only a very subtle, natural smell. After they are blessed on Candlemas, I take out two, tie them together with a special ribbon, and make sure everyone in the family knows that those are for sick calls — we didn’t have blessed candles when my dad was anointed and I regret that now.
Leila says
Thanks for this comment! So helpful!
Cirelo says
Tell me about sick calls, please!
Leila says
You might want to watch this little film (I posted it before but it’s always worth a re-watch): https://ifiarchiveplayer.ie/radharc-sick-calls/
When the priest comes to bring Holy Communion to a sick person, he’s bringing the Sacred Host. So he should be met at the door with a candle, preferably blessed. Everyone can genuflect and accompany him to the room where the sick person is. A little table can be set up so he can put things that he will need (for giving Holy Communion and for the Anointing).
This is why I just try to get all my candles for the year blessed at Candlemas! But if you do have a special beeswax one or a couple of votives, it’s lovely to use those. The important thing is to have things moderately ready so that he doesn’t have to fumble or perch the Blessed Sacrament somewhere, and that everyone realize that Our Lord is there, and behave accordingly.
Jessica Counts says
I found the PERFECT napkins, Leila!!! They hardly wrinkle, fold nicely, never stain, wipe well, just perfect. Hearth and hand by magnolia at target.
https://www.target.com/p/4pk-tick-stripe-cloth-napkin-set-blue-sour-cream-hearth-38-hand-8482-with-magnolia/-/A-83043447
What ever does it say about me that I read these comments and just longed to sit around the table discussing these things with you all?
Leila says
We just love talking about all this!! <3
Annie says
Do you have any encouragement or tips for a mom of a young family (3, 3, 7mo) of which the father and husband is never home for dinner? He doesn’t get home until the kids are almost ready for bed, so we eat in shifts. I have a hard time feeling motivated to make dinner nice with just me and the kids, though I know I should (and we DO always eat together)! I guess we do have one thing going for us, in that our hierarchical spots at the table are very well established- if a grandparent or a friend or babysitter is ever sitting in my husband’s chair, they get an earful about it from the kids!!
Leila says
Hi Annie — It’s not easy to have dinner without Dad even occasionally, let alone all the time, let alone with such young children! My hat’s off to you!
Is it possible to have breakfast with him? I always say “dinner” because I can’t qualify it every time it comes up, but all my points could be transferred to breakfast. You could set the table the night before and even light a candle in the morning!
At least I hope you can have Sunday dinner with him — or brunch?
And with such small children, you might consider having the main meal whenever it is least stressful for you, and after a short period of “good manners and conversation,” reading to the children to pass the time.
A priest friend from a good-sized family talks about how his dad, a car salesman, had to be away from home a good bit of the time, seldom coming home for dinner. He recounts how his mother would simply say, “Your dad loves you and that’s why he works hard for you! Now don’t complain!” That was definitely for older children, but the attitude struck me as one with far less self-pity than I would have demonstrated!
Let’s pray that the situation changes, and in the meantime, be creative to make the best of the situation! You are our hero!
Annie says
Oh, yes, it is always such a treat on weekends to eat all together, and I am able to really enjoy that. I like the idea of making lunch the main meal for all of us at home, at least on days when we aren’t out at the park or something… so much more relaxing for me, and since Dad eats separately anyway, who cares if his reheated plate was made at noon or 5? I’ll keep that in my pocket for summer so evenings can be less frustrating for me!
Ellen says
We are in a similar situation 5 months of the year with the seasonal nature of our family business (greenhouses). It is a struggle and i dread dad-less dinners in spring and summer. Every year we try something different.
So far, (7 years with kids) I have tried juggling meal times so the kids and i have tea time at 4pm which is really sandwiches and fruit for them, like another lunch, then they can wait til 7pm to eat dinner with daddy (often in pjs). I followed the advice here to not worry too much about how much they eat at this meal or even just feed them dessert, then daddy reads to them while i re-wash the baby and they are in bed by 8pm. That works ok.
When work really speeds up, and daddy is gone til 9 or 10pm, we take a picnic dinner and eat with daddy at work after closing hours, then daddy helps them change into pjs in his office and packs them in the car and i can usually put them right to bed when we get home. Sometimes we also meet him at a near by park for our picnic dinner then he heads back to finish work and i take the kids home to bed.
It takes more planning for me to do dinners this way and we do the picnics maybe 2 times a week through the nice weather of summer. It is not perfect at all but i do notice that if we have no ritual to any of our meals, we all feel the distance from eachother.
We could do breakfasts together in later summer but alot of the spring, my husband has to leave before sunrise too.
We do have some extra flexibility because my husband’s parents’ own the business and are happy to have us there, but the park idea could work for others too. I basically travel with a full wardrobe change in the car at all times in the summer including pjs. Also lots of wipes and towels and things.
I love and have used the line “Daddy loves you and works hard to give us a good life.” It is a reminder to me, as Auntie Leila says, to not allow myselto wallow too much.
Mary Eileen says
I’m firmly on the cloth napkin bandwagon, make it work for your laundry however you can —- and would like to put in a good word for tablecloths.
I set one almost every single meal with happiness! I have a good handful of “everyday” cotton or linen tablecloths which we reuse as many times as possible just like the napkins. If it’s just us, I will get up to 4 meals on it unless one of them was soup or the like.
On top of the beauty and dignity of the cloth, The genius is that the table can be cleared and clean for schoolwork, etc in FIVE short seconds! Fold it up carefully, send a big kid out the back door to shake in the bushes (away from the step/pedestrian area), fold and go!! No wiping. Who cares if it has little milk drips or a spot of grease. Use again for lunch. Back to business! Think of this the next time you are having a late / crazy morning and have to give in and serve cereal….
Ashley says
Thank you for the table setting reminder. I definitely need to try harder, especially for holidays. Your table looks beautiful.
My luck seems to vary when buying cotton napkins. Sometimes I find ones I really love and sometimes I get some that just don’t seem to work as well. Right now, Target has these napkins (https://www.target.com/p/4pk-cotton-easy-care-napkins-threshold/-/A-82261007?preselect=79580994#lnk=sametab) that work well. I’ve even found them in store for 50% off which makes me love them that much more.
I hate to say it, but I feel better knowing I’m not the only one that can’t stand wasting food. I had guests come over and 95% of the food they served their children went in the trash. It’s just wrong. And I need to let it go…haha.
Re: dinner – do you stay at the table until the last child finishes eating? In our family, the kids are usually the last ones to finish eating and they tend to linger if my husband and I are talking (assuming the baby allows that). If we get up, however, they usually finish eating more quickly. Honestly, I’m usually ready to get bedtime rolling so I’ll get up but I kind of feel bad about it.
Also, did you love the violet jelly you made a couple of years ago? In other words, was it worth the time and sugar? 🙂 We made candied violets yesterday and it made me think of the jelly you had made.
Leila says
My jelly… didn’t gel! I have tried twice now. I think my pectin was old (I guess it’s one thing you shouldn’t buy at the 50% off remainders table at the grocery store LOL live and learn!)
But it made a nice syrup for cocktails 😉
I will try again maybe, if I can rope my granddaughters into picking the flowers. I also mean to try to make dandelion syrup…
Children should be encouraged to eat in a timely fashion. The keys to this are to not allow them to snack close to supper and to require at least 10 minutes of “quiet kid eating time” at the start. It’s good for them to listen to the conversation between husband and wife about the day’s activities, etc, and if they jump in too early, they aren’t eating!
I think having them linger for the conversation later on is lovely, provided they are not monopolizing, but not if it’s because they are not eating. If there are antsy, wiggly children we ask if they are finished and would like to be excused to go play or read… this is the beauty of the “grace after the meal” which again, does not need to be at the verrrry end…
And they certainly can be asked to clear the table while adults relax, according to my advice here (i.e. with helpful systematic processes and specific tasks): https://likemotherlikedaughter.org/2016/03/how-to-get-the-kids-doing-dishes-and-opening-up/
Alea says
We love grace after a meal because instead of ‘can I get down now?’, we hear ‘can we pray?’. It’s so much more pleasant!
Catie Hb says
As always, thank you so much for the inspiration, Leila! I always walk away from an encounter with your blog feeling better and more motivated.
We are also fans of the “reuse your cloth napkin, identified by your personal napkin ring” club. 😄 It is wonderful!! And not to gross anyone out, but we also reuse water cups for a few days. They just get stationed on a single placemat in an out-of-the-way spot when not in use.
I always sit next to my husband at meals, because it’s easier to talk (and because it’s what my mom has always done), but now you have me thinking… Esp as our older children are now teenagers. I get very tired of their side convos that are more difficult to manage from the other end of the table.
You’re coming to DE!! Hoping to make the hop over from Philly! 😀
Suzie says
We also reuse water glasses! When my parents come they automatically clear all the water glasses away after every single meal and it drives me bananas. I can’t afford to be washing twenty-one (us five plus them two) glasses every single day! The toddler does usually need a replacement glass every meal because she touches it with food on her hands, but adult glasses can last for days. We all have set places so in normal family life we just leave our glass at our place. If we have guests, we do do a complete replacement for everyone because it feels so civilised and then it’s not awkward if someone accidentally sits in the “wrong” place!
Kimberly in So Cal says
We each use a water glass all day, washing them after bedtime supplements have been taken. Using multiple glasses daily is something that drives me rather bonkers when the young adults do it. But for nicer meals (Sundays, holidays, feast days, special days) I will put out nice water goblets for the meal.
I typically leave my water glass (which is often a favorite mug) on my place mat so I will see it when I pass by the table and remember to drink, but I move everyone else’s glasses to the counter next to the water dispenser in the hopes they will remember to use those glasses and not grab new ones, because they will definitely not remember to get their glasses off of the table.
My children have used glass since they were toddlers. After having several of the Duralex Picardie glasses break into a thousand tiny shards (at times randomly overnight in the pantry), we switched to the Luminarc “Working Glass”, which is sturdier and has the benefit of optional lids so an unfinished beverage can be put away in the refrigerator. Plus they are made in the USA!
Rosemary says
It has been a busy week and somehow it took me all this time to read this, but Thank you for answering my question, and then some. What an informative post and reading all the comments is so helpful too. I love picking up candles at thrift stores and estate sales, and I tend to love to collect fabrics as well – napkins and runner and table cloths. I now want to start looking for napkin rings – that is a great idea.
Catherine says
I’m already on the cloth napkin bandwagon—a good place to be! ;)—but taper candles are my nemesis. Somehow they always drip onto the table, no matter how hard I try to set them up straight in their holders and keep the wicks straight, etc. Thoughts on this? I should work on a little tray to put them on, I’m not good at finding such things, which reminds me of another question—
Any tips for how to shop at Home Goods, Marshall’s, etc? I’m not a shopper, like, I’ve hated it since I was about 10, and I get in those stores and feel so overwhelmed and tired and don’t know where to look! And then even if I do find something, my powers of decision making feel stunted by the bright lights and overwhelmingness of the place. The thought of stalking these stores for deals like you and your daughters do makes me shudder. I’m much better at yard sales, I guess the fresh air keeps me sane. 😉
Leila says
Well, thrift stores are best of all!
The stores you mention no longer carry tapers or votives, not the kind I like, not here anyway. So I tend to order them…
But I do find good things at those stores, and my method is to stick to one of the departments per trip, or at least focus mostly on one section. Yes, I might take a quick glance at the clothing as I go through, but if I’m on a mission for napkins or pillowcases, I concentrate on that, and vice versa. I always check the clearance aisles. I remember that they have excellent return policies so I do not really agonize, or rather I save it for at home. I can always go back to return whatever it is.
I try to avoid things made in China, and lately I have found lots of nice things made in India and other places. If I love something, I get it (this is not very often!). For instance, I love the little-to-medium blue-and-white serving bowls made in Japan and they are pretty darned inexpensive. So when I see one that works for me, I get it.
And the other day I found four little ice-cream-sized Polish Pottery bowls — Polish Pottery is a rare sight these days there — and I snapped them up for a gift (maybe a bridal shower gift, with a good ice cream scoop and some little cloth napkins?).
It takes practice, I guess — to know what you like and to snap it up or just leave if you don’t see it!
Whitney says
We keep a small laundry basket in the kitchen for napkins, towels, and bibs. I find it makes it easier to use cloth.
Also, we are barely out of two under two, so dinner time is still quite sunny most of the year. Instead of candles, flowers. The napkins we use are leftover from our wedding reception and so are the tea candles we use in the winter. We mention it to the kids somewhat regularly, so we get an easy segue to talk about marriage and family.
We also do things to elevate the Sunday dinner or holiday dinners above the rest. On special days, we give the toddler the same nice (breakable) plates and silverware that we use.
Elizabeth L says
I have a laundry basket in my kitchen too. It helps so much to have a place to put the items that are dirty and then I never have to question if the towel or napkin I’m using is dirty or not! I found a slim one that looks woven, but is all plastic, so that it can be cleaned out easily if I need to.
Suzie says
I recommend highly-patterned oilcloth to your readers as a table surface. Ours is a fancy polished table and we didn’t want to either trash it or put all our effort into serving our possessions rather than our family. The oilcloth is a pretty design that hides spills very well and simply wipes clean with a cloth and a spritz of vinegar.
We had an art deco white-on-navy before and when it wore out (the waterproof surface eventually degrades at the spot where the baby/toddler sits through repeated cleaning! but we cut the bad end off and I turned the rest into laundry bags) we replaced it with our current one which is this: https://www.laurasbeau.co.uk/product/william-morris-compton-pvc-oilcloth-floral-tablecloth-fabric-by-the-half-metre/
I really can’t speak highly enough for its mess-hiding properties! The busy design, the many colours each of which harmonise with a different kind of food spill… We clean it once at the end of the day unless we have guests or the toddler has decided yoghurt is a finger food. And it just looks so civilised as a pattern in and of itself that it doesn’t scream “wipe clean!!!” when you glance at it. The toddler end is going again, after about four years of service. I think it will last another year and then we will get another one and I will sew the good end into something else.
Suzie says
The table, by the way, was bought second-hand for its sheer size – seats six to ten depending on how many leaves you have in it, and is ovoid rather than rectangular so seems to take up less space in the room. Farcically, the french polished one was well within our price range whereas the sturdy farmhouse ones were all too expensive. The size seemed ridiculous when it was just the two of us but I am very glad of it now we have all these children! It came with leather pads on the top to put under a fancy schmancy tablecloth so we just have those on with the oilcloth on top and it is… hopefully… intact underneath. When the children leave home we’ll have to have a big reveal 🙂
Kimberly in So Cal says
Last year we purchased a vintage maple drop leaf oval table that is 48″ x 74″ at its smallest and goes to about 98″ with both leaves in. I truly wish we had had this table our entire time in this house, as the oval is very pronounced which makes it fit into the small dining room very well. When just two of us at it we do sit one at the end and one on the side because it is quite long. It didn’t come with the protector pads, and being old it has a tendency toward rings from hot or wet items, but it does seem to be the perfect table for this old house.
When our children were young we had a fancy dining room table that we never used as the chairs were uncomfortable and young children would fuss with the tablecloth covering the protector pads, so we ate our meals in the breakfast room, but as I mentioned before, at some point the children weren’t tiny anymore and slouching commenced on the banquette, so we sold the fancy table and bought a second hand farmhouse table. The rectangle edges always made the room feel crowded, but from that point on we ate meals in the dining room and table manners improved immensely.
Kimberly in So Cal says
You could also use clothespins instead of napkin rings, especially if the napkins slip out of the rings. You can write each family member’s name on the clothespins, or paint them different colors.
Kathryn Kingham says
Hi there,
Thanks for the practical help on getting families around a lovely table!
My question is about the candles! (Though I have loved all the napkin talk!) Here in Central Texas it is so bright in the evening for most of the year. I seem to naturally light the candles in the winter but a lot of the year it feels too bright. My kids are 2 and 1 and we eat really early 5/5:30pm on most nights. It is bright and my table is right next to a huge double window.
Should I just put the candles out anyway? Do they still signify something important even if there aren’t very bright in the room?
Leila says
Yes in that case, I think you can skip them. Actually, here in the summer (where it stays light until 8:30), we eat outside a lot. I probably do 50/50 as to lighting a candle.
But you know, I started about 5 years ago always lighting a candle at our Sunday breakfast… I don’t know. It does add something! But I’m getting old and things like this mean more to me. When my children were young I did not light the candles when it was bright out.
Kimberly in So Cal says
We use candles as it makes sense for the season, which is usually from autumnal equinox until the infernal switch to daylight saving time, although if dinner is late for any reason we will light candles. It is our family tradition to eat by the light of the candles and a string of twinkly lights with no overhead lights, and I’ve found that taper candles in tall candlesticks work far better than tea lights or shorter pillar candles. I have one candelabra that I set on the piano in front of a mirror, which nicely amplifies the light in the dining room.
However, when the children were small, our candles of choice were tea lights or votive candles in globe style candle holders, so the flames weren’t open. The glass still got hot, bot no one accidentally set a napkin on fire. During the early years we lit candles every night whether or not it was dark outside, as part of our gathering ritual and the children certainly weren’t going to let us forget!
The ceiling fan and light in our breakfast room isn’t working (needs some sort of rewiring between the controller and the unit, or else it just finally died), but rather than replace it, we’ve taken to eating breakfast by candlelight if it isn’t light enough in the morning. I love a beeswax taper in a vintage (and thrifted) pottery holder with a handle for this room — the light of one candle is just enough and preserves the quiet of the morning.
Suzanne says
Would you mind sharing the maker of your table? It sounds exactly like what I’ve been looking for.
Leila says
I’m sorry, I don’t know the maker, and the store where I bought it is no longer there. I wish I did know! It’s very well built and clever.
Donna L. says
Perhaps you could delight us with a few detailed pictures of your maple table–then we could all train our eyes as to what it is we ought to search for while we are out and about in the world~
I have so completely and thoroughly enjoyed this discussion!