I mean, toddlers are the problem. No one can deal with them and they are definitely the X (chaos) factor in all your well laid plans.
But when it comes to homeschooling, it's better not to imagine your older children peacefully and profitably sitting at desks all day, absorbing knowledge and wisdom with nary a care. Not if you have a toddler or two, with a newborn tossed in for good measure!
A typical email Auntie Leila receives is something like the following:
Do you have encouragement and resources for mothers with many young children and toddlers and babies and how to manage homeschooling?
I have six children: ages 10, 8, 6, 4, 2, and baby.
What does a reasonable school schedule look like while keeping the toddlers and baby alive *and* the home from exploding with laundry and dishes?
It's definitely a zoo in our house most days. Help!
My first reaction is to launch into an outline of the priorities that will give this mom a sense of order in her busy and toddler-and-baby-inflicted life: knowing what is for dinner and other meals; getting the laundry under control; having a reasonably clean house; gaining competence in these areas while acknowledging the challenges of this phase of life; not losing hope when one has a bad day; and the importance of Sunday.
But then I remember! I have a blog!
It's all here (just look up at the menus on the header)! And for those who are understandably either ignorant of the vast amount of posts on these subjects or frustrated by their disorganization, I have a 3-volume work! With an index! And a ribbon in each book!
Remember, telling you all this is not a career for me. If it were, my site would be super organized and laid out with flashy shiny boxes for you to click on. It would also take a while to load on your computer because there would be many ads for you to click on for ad revenue (the only time I get revenue here, a small amount, is for an Amazon link — if you use the one I provide — you don't have to and I encourage you to buy books second-hand if you are able, not mine, but others ;))
Instead, notice — no ads!
I don't have a career. I am a wife and mother and I have never sought to monetize my position. I worked hard to put what I've written here into my books (The Little Oratory: A Beginner's Guide to Prayer in the Home; God Has No Grandchildren: A Guided Reading of Pope Pius XI's Encyclical Casti Connubii (On Chaste Marriage) – 2nd Edition; and The Summa Domestica: Order and Wonder in Family Life). Sometimes I give talks and speeches just because when you say enough about something, people think you might be good to have at their meeting or conference to talk some more. There is usually an honorarium for that (and it takes a lot of work to prepare).
But as you can tell from poking around here a bit, it's no career (or I'd get fired for laziness)!
I do it because I love you.
Anyway, all that is why someone might not realize I've already answered this question as far as it can be answered by me, and also in its inherent intractability due to toddlers and that baby! Who are great. We love them. Bring them on!
The key is not to think of them, the Four, Two, and Baby, as interrupters of the main event. Instead, think of them as your primary occupation and the schooling as something that has to be done quickly so you can run and pull the miscreants out of whatever mischief they are getting into.
School (formal version) is the interruption, the babies are not the interruption.
One woman can only do so much. If you have taken on homeschooling, you can't turn your home into a school. Instead, keep it as a home and remember this truth: children learn very well — they are by nature eager to learn.
Official school has expanded to fit the time and energy allowed it in a sort of twist on Parkinson's Law, and its overwhelmingness makes us think we have a huge task before us. But once we recognize our limitations (imposed by toddlers, for the main part), a wonderful reality emerges: formal schooling can be fairly contained and informal learning happens all the time and is much more dependent on the environment we provide than on any “subject” we make them slog away at.
So if you are feeling like you're failing, get out of “school” mode and back into “home” mode. Focus on getting your toddlers to learn independent play and give everyone plenty of outdoor running-around time. Discipline your children rather than try to control them — and remember, this takes time. Do your own work (housework and creative pursuits oriented towards your family's well being) and prioritize opportunities (music, art, books on the shelves, conversation) over sitting down to workbooks or, heaven forfend, screens. Rest and enjoy!
Kitchen Reno Corner
I know you want updates but we're waiting for floor and cabinets. Like I warned you, Slowest Reno Ever.
I painted the pantry this past week, which was a real task in that it not only held its normal contents but also much of the kitchen things as well. Also I'm getting older! It all felt like a losing game of Tetris. Not to mention that everything — and I mean every can, jar, box, and shelf — was and is coated with plaster dust (not only from the kitchen but from a portion of the ceiling that had to be addressed for Reasons).
So I combined a strategy of taking some things to other, already crowded-with-kitchen-debris rooms, with just shoving them around in the pantry and working around them (fortunately the biggest shelves are on wheels, though said wheels have a tendency to fall off on my wonky floors, which is surprising and not in a good way).
I used Valspar Warm Milk, which I love in my sewing room — I decided that a soft white is the way to go (thanks for your encouragement! Click here for the link to befores) and got a lot of satisfaction from covering over the pale yellow that had been in there (and was just a dirty mess, after about 20 years in this heavily used room!). I will leave the green trim on the window, at least for now. The paint I used on it back in the day is very plasticky (was gobsmacked by that and wouldn't use whatever type it was again). It won't be easy to paint over, and I still like the color, so it's fine.
I have wiped down one of these big metal shelves already (it's in the kitchen behind me here) and shortly will tackle this other one after moving the former back, transferring objects (after a thorough cleaning), and pulling the latter out where it will have its turn. My plan is to put my current fridge in here as well, when the new one comes.
Book Corner
Need a read-aloud? Two of my grandchildren come over on Wednesdays and we have a nice afternoon together before I take them to fiddle orchestra (the same one my Bridget attended, about 13 years ago!). We have been reading Freddy the Detective by Walter R. Brooks (affiliate link).
It's delightful and funny. Freddie, with help from some of the other animals and hindrance from others, solves crimes at the farm. I love when kids are given a chance to laugh at adults' foibles and I believe it helps them to be reconciled to what otherwise seems to be a rather relentless and demanding world.
bits & pieces
- I will be at the Angelus Conference in Kansas City on Friday! I hope to see you there! I will be speaking on Beauty Will Save the Neighborhood: A Guide to Liturgical Living!
- Related to the question about educating children in a young and busy family (see above) is this relatively long article about John Senior and his vision for education: Let Them Be Born in Wonder. I heartily hope you are able to read it, if not today, then sometime this week. Maybe read it with your spouse and later with your friends. (It's written by the monk, Fr. Francis Bethel, who wrote the book I have recommended in the past: John Senior and the Restoration of Realism.) He says:
When the professors had taught philosophy directly in their classes, there was little echo in their students’ souls. They soon realized that this lack of response came not simply from the fact that their students had never studied logic or some other preparatory study. The problem was not only ideology, not only bad ideas that hindered their receptivity to what the professors wanted to convey. More fundamentally, the students lacked the preparation of healthy outdoor experience, and of loving familiarity with good literature and poetry. Beauty, the professors found, opened their students’ minds and hearts, making them capable of receiving truth.
I say: Obviously true and yet so easily overlooked: The child's early life in the home forms his imagination and his whole orientation to life and learning. We are doing our best to accomplish this task and our efforts will not be in vain. Order and Wonder! They begin in the home.
As an aside, I never wrote anything, formally, about Rod Dreher's book, The Benedict Option, but one thing that greatly annoyed me about it is that despite his relationship with Clear Creek (where he apparently wrote most of it), the monastery that pretty much owes its existence to John Senior, Dreher never mentions him. Dreher makes a big point of lamenting the state of education and seems to think it's his original idea to start new institutions apart from the corrosive ones in the establishment. Though he is an investigative journalist, he failed to discover or report on the very real sacrifices made by the previous generation to found such institutions, as well as to take on the education of their children themselves, along the precise and examined principles enunciated and exemplified by Senior. Dreher wrote as if he were the first to think of such things as stepping away from progressive culture and trying to live in a manner consistent with a classical understanding. In short, he seems unaware of the actual recent cultural history of a world he is trying to shape; he omits mention of the man behind a good deal of it; he didn't even trouble to acquaint himself with the myriad small Catholic colleges, high schools, and homeschool resources, all of which owe so much to this one humble man, John Senior.
- It's commonplace to mock the English language and its supposed inconsistencies and putatively unnecessary complications — all valid no doubt but on the other hand: Jorge Luis Borges talking about some of its peculiar strengths with William F. Buckley (who was also fluent in Spanish).
- Have you seen strange lines of lights in the sky? Here's why: Starlink Satellite.
from the archives
- More real learning will happen at the dinner table than you know. As we head into holiday season, we'll have many visuals and instructions on setting the table for festive occasions, which is nice, but how about setting it for every day? Especially with sports schedules and autumnal busyness distracting us, let's review: How to set the family table!
- Getting the House Ready and Warm for Winter
liturgical living
St. Callistus, Pope and Martyr
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My book, The Summa Domestica: Order and Wonder in Family Life is available from Sophia Press! Also in paperback now! All the thoughts from this blog collected into three volumes, beautifully presented with illustrations from Deirdre, an index in each volume, and ribbons!
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Sara B. says
I’m loving the new white pantry! I think your reno is going to be fabulous. I can’t wait to see it—as I’m sure you agree! I don’t know how you are feeding your crew these days. I lost 10 lbs when we renovated our kitchen over the course of 3 months.
As for toddlers in the homeschool, with my 6, I scheduled the day in 30 minute timeslots (which, of course, is very flexible!) and siblings were scheduled to work with or play with the littles while I used that time to teach a subject to another child. To them it was like recess because they got to play with the babies. They also “taught” the toddlers by reading religious books or doing alphabet games. Lots of preschool can be taught by the older siblings! If they weren’t busy with me or a little one, they were doing their own seat work—math, reading, etc.
Leila says
Thanks, Sara — yes, I cannot wait! I WISH I lost 10 lbs. Instead I have … not lost 10 pounds…
I don’t have a crew, I have me and my husband, and we are just muddling along. But I can tell that buying food I would normally cook and bake and eating out are not doing me any favors!
Rachel says
Thank you for this! I always enjoy hearing your thoughts on homeschooling, and as someone just beginning to dream about those (chaotic but beautiful) days looming in my near future, this seemed to crystallize a question I had been unable to form, let alone answer. The home is the focus… Education will come…
Michelle says
Thank you so much! I am still trying to work out a schedule for homeschooling a first and second grader with a 3 year old and 18 month old. Nap time is school time,and it is enough, if we buckle down. The affirmation that taking an hour or hour and a half to give Catechism, Math, and Reading lessons focused time is enough coupled with outdoor play and reading aloud and just living. I appreciate your wisdom so much!
Leila says
Good for you!
Working out a rhythm takes time, and we have to account for everyone needing a rest too!
Sarah says
Amen! God gives you such amazing timing, Auntie Leila. Just this week, I was almost ready to scrap it all and ditch homeschooling to give my kids some of the classroom bells and whistles I can’t do. Well meaning advice strikes again:). A deep breath, a resolve to not make any decisions while too tired to make complete sentences, and here, from you, comes the comfort.
I’m only up to year four or so of homeschooling with my five, but it’s all true. They learn all day. Blocks, building things, cooking, drawing, keeping their tempers sometimes. And once they’re readers, there we go! I never could do Montessori with all the little fiddly bits on trays, though I loved my time there as a child. But we do curate home in way like that. Good books, not poisonous ones. Legos. Blocks. Things for the imagination. Outside time with lots of gardening and dirt.
Deep breath:). Thanks! You do so much good with your posts. I’m short on people I know here who have more than four kids and welcome more, who don’t apologize for being at home, who love the liturgy.
God bless you!
Mary Keane says
Thank you for this! Newly pregnant with baby #7, two toddlers, and this year I have four students from 1st-8th grades. I often feel like we just HAVE to get to the higher-level stuff! But the expectation that the older kids be fully independent (or even approaching independence) with a full course load equal to what they would get at some mythical classical school is just not reality.
I’ve made the decision this year that instead of doing many books at once in tiny chunks, we will do the basic skill subjects every day, provide those opportunities for art, music, free reading, and just do one additional book at a time. For my oldest two right now it’s formal logic, and for the third grader a book about Stonehenge because he was interested and my husband and I had just been there! The first grader, whatever she wants.
Leila says
The older children need to get to their academics, but it’s actually good for them to take responsibility for them and work independently. Your job is to set it all up — and that takes an enormous amount of reading and organizing it all into a form that fits the particular child. But once you have done that, the child should work on his own. Be sure to go back to the archives for my posts about such things (or the chapters in my book, second volume!).
My point really is that the home has to have room for the toddlers to do their thing. We can’t view them as interruptions. It’s good for the older children to have to take their books and work somewhere apart from the littles. It hones their focus and concentration!
When homeschooling parents want to guide their older children in every little thing, they start to feel that the babies are hindering their life — not healthy.
Of course, the older children will need to discuss things and ask questions. You’ll have to make time to do some French together or what have you. That’s where having structure in the toddler’s days comes in, and I have lots of posts about that too (and chapters!). Feel free to rummage around here!
Mary Keane says
Thank you! Even mid-October, we’re still very much in the organizing it all stage. Been building sloooowly. Yes, you are right they do need to take responsibility! There is independent work going on every day. It just hasn’t been up to what I think they are capable of. There’s a lot of forgetting what’s supposed to happen and getting sidetracked even with an assignment list. ADHD and just plain old concupiscence.
Kate says
We are at 9, 8, 6, 3, 1 and one on the way here. Some days our homeschooling feels like a zoo. I’m OK with homeschooling (I was homeschooled myself,) and things would have to get drastic for me to stop, but sometimes I do wish my older two had more peer pressure/competition to actually get their work done in an efficient way. They can really drag things out which makes me crazy.
Leila says
Yes indeed — one begins to fantasize about desks in a row, perhaps a bell to summon and dismiss, a few hard-working classmates… in short, school! A timer can really help, as can setting the task very early in the day with some sort of carrot dangling…
Annelise says
I so appreciate your no nonsense wisdom. There are not many people around me who both have a larger family and homeschool, so sometimes I feel like it’s obvious that I must be failing since I can’t do what other people are doing. I keep coming back to the basics: Bible, math, phonics and practicing piano (might as well get our money’s worth out of lessons!) – almost anything outside of that is something that can be later caught up. But it’s hard to keep that in perspective when everyone around you seems to be doing all the bright, shiny things (now, whether they are actually doing them or just posting about them on IG I don’t know, and thankfully I got off of that so now I really don’t know!). I have 9,7,4,2 (all boys!) and a very mobile 7 month old. There is never a dull moment, and they are so busy learning things. The 9 year old reads the encyclopedia for fun so I don’t know why I worry (the 7 year old is still working on C-V-C words but alas… reading is tricky. He’s not suffering otherwise). All this to say: I needed to read this today.
Katie says
Oh Auntie Leila, I love your blog. I wouldn’t have it any other way than how it is. It feels like a big, old cozy house to explore with backstairs, and attics and cozy nooks. I love that even though I’ve been reading your blog for years I am still discovering posts I hadn’t found before. That wouldn’t happen if it was all shiny and ORGANIZED. I know women say this all the time, but thank you for what you do here, for saying the things that for some reason no one else will say, for rolling up your sleeves and showing us a vision of the good life and a good home (not withholding the nitty gritty, when necessary). It is so necessary, and becomes more so with each passing year.
As for read-a-louds, I want to recommend Secret of the Ron Mor Skerry by Rosalie K Fry. A cheerful, poignant, wistful tale set in 1950’s Scotland with lots of seals and good eating!
Leila says
Aw, thank you!!
And thanks for the book recommendation!
M says
Secret of Ron Mor Skerry was turned into the gorgeous movie “Secret of Roan Inish.” It’s possibly our family’s favorite movie!
just a mom says
You really do love us!
(We love you too.)
Thanks for everything!!!
Leila says
You’re welcome!
Mrs. T says
If it makes anyone feel better, and I’m still very much in the thick of many littles while homeschooling, we sent our oldest 16-year-old son to a specialized boys school for high school. I had homeschooled him for many years. He has excelled academically out in the “real world”. Even able to hold a part time job. He is competent. Hurray! And we really didn’t do anything amazing! We also found in any areas we were lacking in…cough math… it did not take him long to come to speed with the rest of the class. Maybe some thing about being the oldest and having to muddle along while mom was wrangling the younger ones? I don’t know.
Mrs. T says
And auntie Leila, I had to laugh at your opening. That is my life right now, two toddlers in the mix with an eight week old newborn. The idea of the older ones sitting peacefully at a desk with nary a care in the world escaped me a long time ago!
Katie says
This was such a timely post! We have 5 kids (10, 8, 5, 2, and a baby that was due 3 days ago but seems settled in for the long haul). Homeschooling the oldest 3 this year has been a bit like juggling…..and I never learned to juggle🤦🏼♀️ Thank you for the reminder of what our focus should be right now (establishing a home and some kind of order, even if chaos is ever-present). Also, loved the article about John Senior. I just listened to a podcast where his program at the university was discussed, and between that and this post I feel like we’ve been able to reset ourselves.
Annie says
I loved this post SO much. Baby number five just born and it was just what I needed after our day of homeschooling (but not really schooling at all). Thank you!!!!