We are still waiting for spring and the cold rain to stop, but the Easter season has its own hopeful relaxation, doesn't it?
If you want the recipe for a quick and easy supper, Korean Beef Bowl, I have it down below, but here's the PDF (sorry that I don't have that swanky “jump to recipe” feature here!).
There is something I thought of to tell you about making supper…
So sometimes a little humor goes a long way, and there's no doubt that putting the meals on the table can seem very overwhelming and burdensome!
Lately I've noticed this thought going around in various forms:
Very funny! Much haha!
But —
Sometimes the sheer barrage of the same message everywhere we turn can convince us that we hate doing something.
Yet if we had a bit of competence and confidence about that very thing, it would be just fine.
And what's the good of running away from the very thing we actually have to do?
The norm really needs to be that the mother is in charge of making the meals. The more children you have, the more true this will be (but then they get older and help… so hang in there!), if only because the father is so busy earning the living funding the bliss that he doesn't have the mental energy to figure it out. He actually needs someone to take this task off his hands so he can concentrate.
The secret to escaping the dread of “getting married is having to come up with meals every day for the rest of my life” is this:
Decide you will be in charge of it.
The problem with that meme, above, is the implication that there is some sort of collaboration, partnership, or let's be honest, putting the responsibility on the other person.
Once you make up your mind that you, the mother, need to figure it out in the same way you'd figure out how to solve any other recurring issue in your life, and that you and only you will decide, it's no longer a burden.
Share this equally? Your husband loves to cook? You don't want to?
Obviously, you're free to allow for family style and actual practice! Do what you like! If your husband just loves working hard all day so you can all live on one income and having to figure out what's for dinner, then go for it. Don't be surprised, though, if your budget gets a hit from ordering out and eating out. And don't mind the extra stress that comes from all this spur-of-the-moment decision-making, stress that could very well be eliminated if you simply planned ahead.
But if the meme I led with here expresses some deep dread in your heart because at your house every meal is an exercise in no one wanting to decide combined with everyone giving way to caprice that somehow you are, nevertheless, responsible for fulfilling, it's time to change!
Listen, I'm just telling you! If you have it worked out, great! Otherwise, I'm here to let you in on how to do it: just decide you will!
Don't worry, though. My system (developed over many years and super tried-and-true) is about menu planning and knowing what is for dinner (and the other meals too) at least a week in advance.
It takes into account all the factors “they” (and you know who “they” are!) might not be thinking about when they start brainstorming supper with you, like practices and meetings and using up bits of leftovers and not having the budget for certain things just at the moment. Sometimes you have to eat out by the sap boiling fire…
My system gets them to tell you what they like from the get-go and leaves lots of flexibility. If perchance a family member were to mention a preference, you could work it in, with gratitude. But you're not relying on their inspiration on a daily basis.
So yes, this is the paradigm shift: you are in charge.
They have input, they can make suggestions to be implemented later, but the necessary “social contract” for the meals to happen on a regular basis is that one person decides and the others accept! (It's not like they aren't going to give you feedback!)
Go here for how to plan menus that are your family's preferences, not mine and not some random person's out there who has no idea that you have a strict budget to cleave to and other things to do.
Go here to learn how to shop.
Go here to learn how to make things from scratch but also not spend all day in the kitchen.
Go here for an Ask Auntie Leila about all this.
Above all, just decide you'll be in charge — you will plan the menus with due consideration for everyone's likes and dislikes but also with the liberating realism that recognizes that not every meal is everyone's favorite and there are priorities such as getting it made and on the table. (Personally, I love when they suggest ways of improving or similar things they'd love to have. Once you teach them to say things politely, such conversation can be fun.) If Dad loves making tacos once a week, yay! If a kid has a favorite dish he is up for making every Saturday, wonderful! Schedule it in.
I admit that even the best-organized housewife (and I am not she) will sometimes say, “Gosh, what should we have for dinner!” Let's just not make it a daily thing!
By the way, I put all this in a super organized form in Volume 3 of The Summa Domestica! Get your copy and give one to a new bride or struggling mom!
Here's something we had the other night that was really tasty and super quick to prepare: Korean Beef Bowl. I think everyone would love it in the rotation and you could make it in bulk and freeze a big portion of it for just that kind of moment when you cannot think of what to have, suddenly have more or fewer people than you thought you would, something didn't defrost in time, or what have you. Happens to everyone.
I'm all about stashing away the makings for quick suppers — I wouldn't freeze the meal, but I would freeze the meat part and in the time you make a pot of rice and chop the green onions, it will be defrosted in the microwave or in a big bowl of water (in its ziploc bag).
Korean Beef (or Pork or Shrimp) Bowl (printable PDF here)
For 4 — multiply for your large family
In a small bowl, mix:
1/3 c. brown sugar or honey or a mixture
1/4 c. tamari or soy sauce
2 T sesame seeds
2 T. sesame oil
the tiniest amount of red pepper flakes if you are a wimp like me, or 1/4 tsp or more if not
In a wide skillet, fry up:
2 lbs. ground beef, ground pork, or a mixture, lightly salted, until browned and the liquid is almost evaporated, siphoning off most of the fat
Add:
4 cloves of garlic, chopped,
2 T of fresh ginger, chopped, stirring until just cooked
Turn off the heat. Pour in the sauce and stir. Adjust the seasonings.
Serve over rice with a sprinkling of finely sliced green onions on top.
Serve with roasted, steamed, or boiled broccoli or green beans. Asparagus would be nice too.
If you make it with shrimp, just gently, gently sauté the shrimp in a small amount of peanut or avocado oil (you could also use pre-cooked shrimp and just warm it up) before tossing with the sauce.
Gardening Corner
My secondary vintage sink side of the kitchen is very useful for planting seeds. Because it's a self-contained unit, it's so easy to clean up!
I have my seed bench set up in the pantry, and the tomatoes and peppers are popping. I had to put these Scabiosa seeds in the freezer for a bit and then “scarify” them so that hopefully they will sprout — I'm looking forward to these fun flowers!
Doing the actual planting was efficient over at my vintage sink, as outside is too cold and wet and my main sink has other things going on in it. Anyway, this is a luxury I'm really appreciating right now — two sinks!
bits & pieces
- From my husband: What is truth? A journalist asks Pilate’s question
- A post about how the board of health in my town deals with an “outbreak” of chicken pox, and how illogical it is, on my Substack — please subscribe!
- It may be politically expedient to make “exceptions” about abortion in order to get broad protections in place. But let's never lose sight of the facts. One fact: abortion — the direct killing of the unborn child — is never necessary to save the life of the mother. This former abortionist gives his testimony.
“In cases where a mother’s life is seriously threatened by her pregnancy, a doctor more often than not doesn’t have 36 hours, much less 72 hours, to resolve the problem. Let me illustrate with a real -life case that I managed while at the Albany Medical Center. A patient arrived one night at 28 weeks gestation with severe pre-eclampsia or toxemia.”
- There are some new colleges popping up with the excellent notion of offering a liberal arts education combined with some sort of trade licensing. I haven't been able to pass any along yet because I have nothing to go on! I would be very happy to know if you have any connection with any such institutions. A friend's son is going to attend this newly formed institute, so I thought I'd mention it here — they are offering appealing incentives! It's called Catholic Tech. From their website:
An American university located in the scenic Alban Hills of Castel Gandolfo, CatholicTech is a leading institution for scientific research and technical education. As a community of saints, scholars, and scientists, we are uniquely positioned to serve the Church and society.
Our curriculum integrates the rigors of technical education with a moral and spiritual formation in the Catholic faith. This education enables our graduates to emerge as impactful leaders, capable of scientific research and innovation that is fully aligned with the teachings of the Catholic Church.
- Interesting architectural history — “temporary” housing for weavers becomes a high-end status symbol of today. Makes you think! Built History: how the Huguenots shaped Spitalfields and London’s vibrant East End
from the archives
- This one is from Suki, from back in the day! It grieves me to see today's young mothers feeling awkward about nursing their babies. Suki offers some good advice!
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Catherine says
Ah, thank you for this post! I need the encouragement re dinners!! We (very imperfectly) follow this system of meal planning and mom (me) cooking, dad bread-winning. I’m SO happy and blessed, but lately I’ve been looking to my right and my left, at friends whose husbands cook (but I’m sure don’t do other things that my hubs does do, because that’s how life goes, not to mention because my man is wonderful!) and longing to shed the full cooking burden. Thank you for reminding me to just own that responsibility, maybe even cheerfully, God willing!
Caitlin says
There is zero part of me (99 nights out of 100) that wants someone else to plan supper—this way I get to make what I like! (Within the constraints of budget, edibility—literally the ability to eat it— by little children, time, church season/fasting, and, yes, other peoples’ preferences 😉 But still. I would be a grumpy person to cook for at this point! Ha ha!
Now, someone can take all the laundering and folding and putting-away-clothes off my hands whenever they want to. But let someone else decide what I will be eating for dinner? Just when I’ve gotten good enough at cooking to actually enjoy the process? No thank you!
ASB says
Ha ha yes!
My husband “we don’t have much going on this weekend, why don’t I grill?”
Commence internal struggle about taking the help that’s offered and my true preference for cooking something a little more elaborate since we don’t have much going on 😂😂
May says
Your menu system is the only thing that has ever helped me with this once-dreaded task! And I have to say, after growing competent at it, I really have grown to enjoy cooking dinner for my family each night (we ate out twice a week before because I just couldn’t figure it out).
I have two littles and I cannot for the life of me manage to plan my weekly menus with the kids running around. Something about the concentration… Right now what’s working best for us is for me to take one evening a month after bedtime and plan out the next month, including the lists, so I can run on autopilot for the rest of the month. That works well for a big monthly shopping trip and then just fresh produce runs each week.
Michelle says
A classic Auntie Leila Kick In The Pants post. Thank you!!!
Kristi says
I love all of your posts and have been happily reading my way through my volumes of the Summa Domestica! You may have been getting at this already, but I would like to add that I think it’s possible to have some variation in a family that can respect both the husband’s role as primary breadwinner and capitalize on the mom’s strengths (or mitigate her weaknesses, in my case). It took time and the grace of God to develop the way things work now, but in our family, I do the meal planning, grocery shopping, and some of the minor/sous chef work for dinner, like defrosting the meat or making the rice. (I also am in charge of the cleaning and homeschooling.)
Anyway, I post a grid of the weekly meal plan on the fridge, and it has a spot for a few words about what I need to do for prep or shopping that day, or the day before. My husband (who is fortunate to work mainly from home) makes dinner most nights, which he is glad to do because (he says), he doesn’t have to think about what to make, whether we have the right ingredients in the house, or if they are ready to use. He likes cooking and is good at it. We have a lot of repeats in the rotation (probably about 10-15 meals that regularly come into play). I’m not a bad cook and can make a few things well, but I have always been much slower and am more anxiety- and mishap-prone in the kitchen when it comes to making dinner. I think he has an engineer’s mind and thinks of the most efficient and effective way to make things. I am the opposite. Ha …
Anyway, I mention this only as an encouragement to those who may have a husband who “loves [likes?] to cook” but for whom it would be too much to expect him to shop and plan meals on top of his paying job. If the wife took responsibility for those other things, it could be another way to keep the household running smoothly. We definitely don’t (often) have to ask each other anymore if we have any thoughts on that night’s dinner — a stressful thought, for sure!
Michelle says
I agree with this wholeheartedly! I learned how to cook basic meals from my mom, but my husband is an excellent chef and taught me to 1. Cook the things he (and now our children) enjoy, and 2. To be more confident as a cook/chef (rather than rigidly following a recipe as in baking, being able to adjust recipes to taste). I plan and cook the meals on a regular basis, but when my husband wants to change the menu, it is flexible enough to do that. And when he cooks dinner, I am his sous chef! Although, he is always happy to help make meatballs and such batch cooking items when he is home.
Leila says
Keep in mind that I’m not saying a thing about enjoyment cooking LOL — of course everyone should enjoy their time in the kitchen if that’s what is going on! Nor am I suggesting we shouldn’t study and learn. And of course, in the early days, lots of couples have fun together making meals. That can continue forever! And is a real pleasure.
What happens, though, is that sometimes the wife has the idea that there will always be someone there to help her make up her mind and also execute. And in a family, everyone pitches in, but someone has to be in charge and accept the duty of the thing itself.
I’m talking about being willing to make a decision about what will be for the meals and go with it. Not to be looking to others to make up the collective mind but simply taking responsibility for something that happens day in and day out. Believe me, it solves a lot of problems, including a lot of picky-eating issues.
Leila says
The main thing is to plan.
As I said in the post, families differ! However, the norm is for the mother to make the meals, and I can’t give a disclaimer for everything, especially when society tells women they should dread this job.
Being OCD about efficiency myself, I can relate to your husband! Sometimes it really IS easier to do things yourself! haha!
Dixie says
The plan is crucial for the nights when you’re tempted to get take-out. If you have something simple planned and you manage to get yourself to do it instead of ordering take-out, you will feel so proud of yourself afterwards.
Not that take-out is never okay, but I mean for those nights when you won’t enjoy the take-out really, but just don’t feel like you can’t get it together to cook — if you have thought ahead enough, you will have an easy meal that you can make when one of those kinds of nights arises, even if it’s quick drop biscuits and scrambled eggs and sliced raw veggies and a side of applesauce! Just think starch-protein-vegetable/fruit!
You actually end up feeling more competent and like you’ve done something important for your family after your prepping ahead saves you on one of these nights.
Dixie says
Auntie Leila, I think you have a post on this somewhere?
Even keeping storebought corn dogs in the freezer for a difficult night is going to end up being cheaper than buying takeout burgers for everyone, and the nutrition will be about the same!
Leila says
Yes, I meant to link that! Thanks!
It’s here: https://likemotherlikedaughter.org/2014/01/12-things-to-stash-that-will-help-you-get-supper-on-the-table/
Ann says
I have never heard of Scabiosa flowers. The variety you chose look so unusual and lovely. I wonder if the paper moon variety can be dried like hydrangeas. I think I might try them in our flower garden. Happy gardening!
Leila says
I got the seeds from Baker’s Creek! I think the paper moon ones can be dried too!
Ann says
Thank you!
Tori says
We love Korean Beef Bowl here! I discovered this on Damn Delicious several years ago and it is a great staple meal that is quick to prepare and pleases everyone. I usually serve with oven-roasted broccoli on the side. It does take 3.5 to 4 lbs of ground beef to make enough for my large family. I’ve started adding in some brown lentils to make it stretch further and nobody notices the difference.
As far as meal planning, that is one thing that I’ve managed to do pretty well with. I plan out a week’s worth of meals and it takes so much pressure off of my day to already know what I’m making for dinner. I keep my meal plans on a legal pad so I can just flip backwards for ideas or see things that we maybe haven’t had in a while. I once had grand ideas of making a month-long meal plan that I would just follow over and over, but I’ve come to realize that it’s hard to incorporate grocery sales and seasonal produce that way. So I’ve stuck with the week-by-week plan and it’s a great balance between planning and flexibility.
I will add that, while I like cooking for the most part and am pretty good at it, there are days when I’d rather not (especially while pregnant and exhausted). So sometimes my husband or kids will step in. But they don’t seem to mind much since it’s only an occasional thing.
Annie says
This is so encouraging!
One of our jokes is that every time I ask my husband for a list of dinners he likes, or what he’d like to have for the coming week as I am planning, he says “enchiladas” and can’t think of anything else. So I figured that enchiladas were his favorite thing I made and would have a feeling of satisfaction every time I made them, since I was making his favorite even though it requires some steps. Later on, it came out that enchiladas are not even his favorite, and he doesn’t know why that’s the only thing he can think of when asked! (The plus side is they are very good and one of our kids DOES say they are his favorite 😉 )
Lately, I have found solace in the thought that sometimes dinner doesn’t have to be a big ordeal and can actually be the pack of meat I had defrosted with roasted “whatever veggies are around” and potatoes- how freeing!- but those meals are always way less satisfying than ones I have planned out because we/I/most of us love them. So that is motivating- if I put in the thought and the work, we can ENJOY our meals!
Leila says
That’s so funny! And yet I think it happens a lot! Another reason to use your smarts and offer different things.
I do agree about just cooking the food. The upside is you then have plain leftovers that can be made into interesting things, like chicken pot pie and… enchiladas!
Sarah says
It’s not a Catholic school but Thales University is offering a dual degree program in (for example) Liberal Arts and Business. Plus they allow students to work part time as well. Exciting to see these new models emerging for future students.
Leila says
Thank you for sharing!
Murielle says
Dear Auntie Leila (and other readers), please check out this website: https://katericollege.org/
This college of the liberal and practical arts (aka trades!) is not operational yet, but they hope to get it up and running soon! The founders, friends of ours, are former teachers at Hillsdale, and Dr. John also taught at Wyoming Catholic during my husband’s and my time there. One of the board members, Dan Berg, was a classmate of mine. I live here in Gallup, NM where they intend to start Kateri College, and I can say that although this area is poor, the Holy Spirit is definitely at work here! We’re just one of a number of young, growing Catholic families… And our bishop and pastor are amazing. Also, we have lots of religious orders with a presence here, most recently the Dominican Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist from Ann Arbor. They now administrate and teach at our Catholic elementary school which my oldest two children attend!
Thanks for this opportunity to spread the word!!!
Leila says
Great, thank you!
Melisa says
I don’t have any personal experience – or know anyone with any, but here’s a link to a new college that sounds similar to what you’re talking about:
https://www.collegeofstjoseph.com/
Leila says
Thanks!
Maggie Cyr says
I think a lot of mothers don’t hate cooking/meal planning. They actually hate grocery shopping (with their small kids). And they hate being interrupted every 8 seconds every time they need to think, stir, peel, chop, pull something dangerously hot off the stove or out of the oven, etc. And by “a lot of mothers” I mean me. Lol
Maggie
Leila says
I mean, I didn’t say there weren’t other issues LOL
Maggie Cyr says
Yes haha
Caitlin says
“A lot of mothers” is also me, Maggie! 😂 “Mama’s ears are tired, sweetheart…”
MG says
Oh my! What a lovely thing to say! I have been trying to figure out a kind way to “turn off” my 4.5 year old at least during high-intensity moments. Thank you!
Leila says
I used to say, “Now it’s time to stop talking so Mama can think.”
Deirdre says, “Now you can think your own thoughts quietly!”
Kasey says
I love Deirdre’s response! Filing that one away.
My kids always ask me to do something for them when I’ve just gotten into a rhythm doing something in the kitchen or with the laundry or whatever, so I say to them, “Not right now; my hands are busy doing X” or “What are Mama’s hands doing right now? Okay, so you need to go ask a sibling for help or do it yourself.”
Leila says
https://likemotherlikedaughter.org/2023/12/how-to-encourage-good-conversational-habits-in-children/
Samantha says
I don’t mind shopping with an entourage, but I do hate meal planning for a bunch of mutually-exclusively picky eaters. I can make the most beautiful, practical, kid friendly plan you’ve ever seen and then want to scream in frustration as night after night I scrape it into the bin. I’ll plan a whole week around nothing but favorites, nutrition to the wind, and suddenly they’re all tired of it… I just want to throw my pencil out the window and fill my freezer with pizzas. My husband is due some kind of reward for all the spaghetti he eats.
At least I’m not also desperately scrambling to get these hated meals onto the table?
Leila says
I think you should make the things you and your husband like. Make things that are simple and will be easy to incorporate into other meals, like roast chicken and pot roast.
Make it clear to the children that they may not complain. They may say something is “not my favorite” but they cannot say “I hate it” etc.
Serve them on smaller plates and serve only a little. Let them have good bread and butter but only serve them a small amount of whatever else there is.
Whatever is left over (in its original serving dish/pot) simply gets put away in a nice clear container and the menu plan takes it into consideration — the chicken can appear again as chicken pot pie and the pot roast can be enchiladas. Lasagna can go in an oven proof container and be frozen.
Keep snacking to a minimum and make sure the last snack is at least 2 hours before supper. Make sure they have chores to do before they sit down to supper and don’t allow any rudeness! Dad can model gratitude!
Go up to the menu bar and click on “make dinner every day” 🙂
Ellen says
Samantha i am in this exact spot! I have been using auntie leila’s strategies named below for 6 months and we are seeing a slow change especially in my oldest who is 8. We started before Advent so it was a help to tell them we are making a sacrifice of our wishes. But still… i really dislike cooking right now. We keep working on it because, well we keep having to eat! And i hope one day my kids won’t be as picky as i was! God bless us all.
Ellen says
Even your spaghetti comment is true in this house!
But we have chickens now to eat some of the leftovers.
Anne-Marie says
I enjoy cooking. But in our particular situation meal planning has yet to work. My husband is a fireman and is gone from 24-72 hours at a time, a couple of days a week. My meal plan is more like a “meal plan”. I usually finagle leftovers when dad is at work and save the fresh meal for when he’s off. Though sometimes an unexpected overtime shift gets the toddlers a gourmet meal and my husband leftovers. Or plan on having tacos and come to find out they’ve eaten them the last 3 nights at the station. So I try to have a general idea/plan for 3 dinners a week and then I just hope for the best😂
Leila says
In my system, that is meal planning! Your situation needs flexibility, and you actually have to plan for that.
The main thing and point of this post is that you take responsibility — which you do! What I think demoralizes mothers without their realizing it is saying “marriage is asking each other what should be for dinner” — i.e. not just doing it (however it needs to be done).
Annie says
When I see that meme, I always kind of assume it refers to the scenario where a (childless, I assume) couple is trying to decide where to eat out or order takeout from. But I do think you’re probably right that the helplessness of it does affect women in their daily task of just deciding already.
Anne-Marie, I can only imagine the schedule you operate on! It sounds like you are doing great. My husband has a tough job too. One thing I wonder if I should do more often is make our new meal for our lunch, if it is easier on me to cook at that time, because I am always reheating my husband’s dinner anyway- it doesn’t make too much difference to him if it’s reheated from 2 hours or 8 hours prior… but I haven’t actually gotten into a rhythm of doing that!
Mignon says
Leila,
Kateri College starting up in Gallup, NM– founded by John Freeh and his wife Helen (nee Lassiter, old UD family friends of my husband). They have a beautiful vision.
Thanks for the Korean Beef Bowl recipe! We had it tonight, as I had NO MEAL PLAN. sheesh. When will I learn, Auntie Leila? When, oh, when?
Leila says
Thanks for the information!
haha I don’t know… we all have those days, but hopefully the positive reinforcement of the peace of a PLAN will help us be better! (I’m working on it too! Now that it’s just the two of us, the incentive is so low!)
M says
This is the post I need in this season of my life… I must must must start meal planning! This gave me the kick in the pants to get started.
Also this evening for our Sunday dinner (which my husband always cooks- he does in fact not have time to cook meals throughout the week but loves to cook on the weekends and usually does Sunday dinner which is wonderful for all involved) I made your chocolate birthday cake (with the apricot preserves and ganache) and everyone loved it. I make all the birthday cakes for my family and one of my kids even said it was the best chocolate cake they ever had.
Leila says
Oh yay!! So glad!
Samantha says
THIS is the advice for parents. Divide and conquer! When my husband and I were first married we loved spending time together and did everything together, cooking and cleaning elbow to elbow. This did NOT work once we had our first. We really had to get used to having separate spheres, but somehow everyone’s load is lighter when it’s just your own and not a little bit of everyone’s that you carry. My husband won’t even give me meal ideas (I tried doing the meal planning exercise from your book where you ask everyone their favorite foods and so on… He just said “I really hate thinking about this, this is why it’s your job” and my kids said “cornbread”, full stop. I’ll try again next year.). But he does all the dishes! And then, because it’s his sphere, I stay out of it and let him do it his way. Also challenging.
Leila says
Oh my! Well maybe you can observe? What he chooses when you go out? What he enjoys most when you make it? Or go at it obliquely, as an innocent conversation… “if we went out to eat, what would you most wish was on the menu?”
But if he likes what you make, it’s all good! It is hard sometimes to come up with ALL the menus on your own, but as long as they are amenable, hey! it’s all good!
Samantha says
Oh yeah, it’s all good really! He’s not picky and he does like what I make! He didn’t say that harshly at all (and we still love spending time together, in case the above is a little too past tense). He also truly doesn’t mind eating the same simple things over and over, thankfully. I do try to have sort of two levels of dinner, one grownup and one kids, comprised of ingredients of the grownup level. But sometimes spaghetti reigns. Well- we like spaghetti! I do my thing in the kitchen and he appreciates it.
Leila says
I did chuckle when I read what you said– especially cornbread! LOL
I do think it’s funny that kids are easily pleased. And thinking “cornbread” can help with figuring out a menu you might not otherwise identify. My mind goes to fried chicken and slaw; a pot of clam chowder; beef stew!
Annie says
Auntie Leila, I love that your New England self thinks “clam chowder” where my one idea for a menu with cornbread is… CHILI! Love from Texas!
Leila says
Haha I’m laughing so hard!
I would do chili too 😉 But I did think clam chowder first!
Rosemary says
Just to chime in here, my husband is not picky and will eat just about anything I make, but I know if he really likes something if he eats the leftovers, fairly quickly. He will eat other leftovers too, but I know if he brings something in his lunch, or if it is gone by the time I do a big fridge cleanout at the end of the week. There have been things I thought he liked that lingered too long and it turned out he didn’t really like them!! Though, he will eat them if I serve them for leftover meal. So, anyway, just a thought for your situation 🙂
Jen says
Such a program is coming to Illinois! Stay tuned!
Rosemary says
I made the Korean beef bowl and it turned out very delicious! We don’t like spicy things so I omitted the red pepper flakes (and by omitted I mean I don’t even stock them in my pantry lol). I do think it would be good with the Date Lady Sweet Chili Sauce drizzled on top but I am out and have to order some.
https://ilovedatelady.com/products/sweet-chili-sauce?selling_plan=2275770584&variant=33451571085448
As for meal planning, your suggestions have been very helpful to me over the past 4 years. I work part time out of the home, but that means going to work one evening after dinner (but not a complicated or lingering dinner) and one entire day missing family dinner. I generally try to have larger meals with leftovers on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and/or Wednesday (usually 3 of 4), leftovers on Thursdays (my work day), meatless something on Friday (its own rotation) and frequently leftovers again on Saturday. It really seems to work well for my brain, my family, and as long as I can remember to thaw things in advance, the table. I have also found it helpful to keep many things in the pantry (my son calls it the basement grocery store) that I use frequently, so I often have 1-5 of something as a back up. As soon as I open something that I use frequently, that item goes on the shopping list for the next week.
BridgetAnn says
Something that helped me recently in the dinner “planning & executing” department was… fasting during Lent. Trying to eat less during the day & eat one big meal made me very interested and very hungry for dinner, haha. Funny & humbling to say, but there you have it.
Michele says
I love your crystal bowl with Easter eggs! The church we went to for Pascha handed out wooden hand painted Ukrainian Easter eggs, and I have three of my mother-in-laws crystal bowls with them in our dining room. And thank you for the much needed reminder/pep talk. If I’m not in charge of the meals, who will be? Now to go back and review, update our favorite meal list and commit to meal planning. For anyone this might help, instead of listing meals by price like Leila suggested in her book, I made two separate lists . . . a weeknight meal list (quick prep) and a weekend meal list (takes more time/lots of chopping, etc). Also, any tips for a child who doesn’t like rice, potatoes, or quinoa? I have a sourdough starter and the kids like bread, but the problem is so do I, and I really need to lose some baby weight. I don’t want to have tasty bread accessible all the time.
Leila says
So in the book I have menu ideas in general, and then “Sunday best/holiday” menus, and lastly “cheap menus” for those lean times — and also, the latter happen to be things that my family enjoys as weeknight offerings.
Your idea to have the easy/more involved distinction is one in my mind too, and don’t forget to do twice as much chopping/prepping when you have everything out, so you can save a step when you have less time. And I highly, highly recommend planning a roast of some sort — ham, pot roast, turkey, pork roast — on Sunday, with big, simple sides that can be relayed into easy meals during the week (or stashed to be rotated with previous such building blocks): soup, pot pies, casseroles.
Kids who have trouble with carbs often love sweet potatoes, simply roasted (I have a post about that — last month!).
I agree that bread is hard on mom’s waistline, but I do think bread/rolls needs to be served at nearly every meal for the sake of the kids. We will just have to practice restraint for the sake of their tummies! And honestly, sourdough is better for us than potatoes or rice.
Rachael says
Ah my poor husband. He does have to make so many decisions around here. I get overwhelmed very easily and then leave it till to late.
But I’ve made a lot of progress since we are on a very restrictive diet and there is only about 10 things we can eat anyways lol.
I’m still trying to figure out how to get your plans to work for me. Like i said I get overwhelmed very easily and I don’t have the option to just get take out. So even taking a day to figure out what everyone likes for dinner is just a step too far for me. There are too many other decisions I have to make in the day. Decision fatigue is so real for me sigh.
Adding my 5 very young children (all under 7), it just makes everything a struggle right now.
So now that you have the background, I’ll outline my problem. I’m too idealistic. I plan my meals, but I don’t account for something like husband being gone. Or the kids eat like birds when they normally eat like horses and (frequently) I plan too elaborate of a meal for my energy and capacity for the day in question. It seems like it’s on such a shifting timeline that I can’t ever seem to get quite on top of it. Perhaps I just need to do a better job implementing your system. I know this is a me problem but maybe you have some suggestions on how to do better😂 or where I’m the most wrong.
(And I did used to be fairly decent at this. I had a monthly meal plan and only shopped once a month for main grocery items (veggies weekly), but as my brain got more and more tired, it became impossible to continue. )
Leila says
Baby steps.
Remember, taking a little time to plan significantly alleviates the feeling of overwhelm.
To understand how to do it so it fits your exact situation and schedule, go here: https://likemotherlikedaughter.org/2009/01/iii-actually-making-weeks-menus/
Do it just for a week, with one extra day so you can get to the store and not make an elaborate meal that day.
Factor in the tiredness. If you know you will be doing an extra errand, plan for a crockpot meal that you can get started early.
Have the children eat separately a couple of nights (or more). They are very young and they don’t have to eat much of anything for supper (a bowl of oatmeal with peanut butter often does the trick).
Take the 10 things you can eat and distribute them amongst the days! Just write it down on a scrap of paper! Then, by 10 am, make sure you have whatever it is lined up so you aren’t deciding at 4:30 about it.
You can do it! We’re on your side!
Jadegreen says
I’m wondering if by “10 things” you literally mean 10 ingredients/whole foods. If that is the case, and you are working through an elimination diet: don’t stop there because that’s not enough variety.
We live on a very limited diet ourselves, and it can be extremely demoralizing. I used to love meal planning and shopping, and it’s gotten harder and harder over the years as my health has declined—I totally freeze up now when I try to food plan, it’s like I have hit a wall. Thankfully, my husband is a patient man and has simple expectations for food.
Our current food situation is not sustainable so I have been going back to the drawing board (again) and slowly developing totally fresh meal plans. I’ve bought some books that have promise, and checked whatever cookbooks for special diets that I can out of the library. I’m not “there” yet, but I’m making progress. Don’t give up, sister!
Mary says
Harmel Academy in Grand Rapids- a Catholic trade school that also teaches the liberal arts. Founded by a man that many men in the community look up to. It is really truly Catholic. It was just started a couple of years ago!
Leila says
Good to know! Thanks!
Chloe Patterson says
This is a great reminder – and I so relate to the comment about enchiladas!
What are others doing for snacks throughout the day? We don’t have a lot of extra cash for purchased snacks right now. I am trying to bake more to keep things around for my husband (and me – I am nursing so get hungry) & I probably need to work things like an extra block of cheese, etc into the budget!
Jadegreen says
We do corn chips and salsa for the kids around here, maybe guac (cheaper if you can make it yourself) every day. I also permit those little clementines/mandarins or bananas at snacktime, and occasionally Sunbutter if we don’t have chips. I usually eat nuts or a larabar (expensive, but more filling for a nursing/pregnant mom). I don’t do nuts for the kids b/c one of them has a serious allergy.
Chloe says
Great ideas! I do have a peanut allergy, but I forget about other nuts like almonds/almond butter, etc.
Jadegreen says
If you all don’t have allergies, peanut butter and apples are a cheap snack that can be served every day. I used to do it.
Leila says
I recommend bread and butter, cheese and crackers, graham crackers and milk, pretzels and milk, peanut butter crackers, a quick bread/cake like gingerbread or banana bread or muffins — simple things that don’t require you to get out a lot of things to make. You can make big batches of the quick breads and pull them out as needed.
Also oatmeal cookies and milk!
Chloe says
yum, these all sound good – and with milk would be more filling. thank you!!
Jane Seidenberg says
Hi there- I enjoy reading your blog for the recipes and decorating ideas- thank you for so much good information.
Respectfully I feel compelled to take exception to your statement that it is never necessary to perform an abortion to save the life of the mother (I hope I got it correct). This is simply inaccurate and misleading. This sentiment has recently been floated around social media and many physicians and nurses have objected to it on the basis that it is disingenuous at best and just plain wrong at worse.
Physicians in emergencies are called upon- indeed required to- stabilize a condition so it does not worsen and then provide the needed treatment or therapy to restore health. There are sadly many medical complications that can arise during pregnancy that are potentially life threatening. In each case the medical personnel must decide the course of treatment that will most likely affect a good outcome for the patient. Ideally, in the case of pregnancy this means healthy mom, healthy baby. However, this is sometimes not an option. Some pregnancy complications make a live birth very unlikely and are life-threatening. In those cases, a good outcome is an alive and healthy woman. In many of these situations (but not all), the first line of treatment is to terminate the pregnancy. In many situations, abortion is considered the approach to most likely afford a good outcome (alive and healthy mom). Doctors also have a responsibility to prevent suffering, unneeded hospitalization, to minimize invasive procedures and prevent life changing harm such as loss of fertility, loss of an organ, blindness, chronic pain and illness.
For example,in an ectopic pregnancy there is no possibility of a live birth. The embryo will die either from the mom naturally shedding it, or the fallopian tube rupturing. One approach would be to monitor and wait for the tube to rupture and then respond. Or you can terminate immediately either medically/surgically and reduce the chance of death or other long -term serious side effects. A tubal rupture is life threatening and requires urgent medical intervention. The woman is at increased risk of death, or loss of fertility. She is much more likely to suffer physical pain and require hospitalization and surgical intervention. A doctor would be violating his/her code of ethics not to recommend the accepted first line of treatment in this case, in order to minimize the chances of all of the above
There are other life endangering pregnancy complications in which abortion is considered the recommended first line of treatment in order to minimize the chances of serious long -term health consequences and death. Some examples include premature rupture of the membranes (early in pregnancy when the fetus is not viable), severe pulmonary hypertension, kidney failure, heart disease. Regrettably this is by no means an exhaustive list.
Fortunately for most women pregnancy and birth go smoothly and any challenges that do arise can be easily managed. But for a sizeable minority of women this is not the case. The consensus among physicians who work in women’s health care is very clear and widely accepted: There are some serious pregnancy related complications in which abortion is the recommended first line of treatment because it is most likely to produce a favorable outcome; an alive and healthy mom.
I realize that this is a divisive subject and most of your readers most likely will not like what I have to say. One reason I so appreciate your blog is that it is delightfully free of politics and focuses on the lovely things that unite us all; cooking, home improvement, entertaining, raising children. I was very reluctant to post my thoughts because of this and have tried to be respectful to you and your readers. But the truth is complex and messy. There ARE times when an abortion is the procedure of choice in certain pregnancy related complications. It does not mean it is the only way to proceed but in often it is the response that is likely to result in the best outcome for the mom. When it comes down to a life and death situation, the physician (with the consent of the mom), is in the best position to decide the intervention of choice. It is really unwise and dangerous to second guess him/her because none of us have the training, or the knowledge of the patient’s history or situation as the attending doctor.
Jane S
Leila says
Dear Jane,
First, for anyone reading this — remember — anyone who has had an abortion can repent and know God’s forgiveness and rest in His mercy. God died for us so that we can live in Him. Please find a priest and talk to him. Know that God loves you and wants you to be with Him in heaven forever.
Now. As to your comment. I am wondering if you watched the video, which is the testimony of a physician who did many abortions including late-term abortions. He is testifying that abortion is never medically necessary to save the life of the mother. Why? Because it is too slow.
And because no matter what, the doctor has the duty to try to save both. Both mother AND baby are his patients. That is not always possible. Sometimes the baby can be saved and the mother cannot. Sometimes the mother can be saved and the baby cannot. But it is always wrong deliberately to kill an innocent human being.
I urge you to watch it. It will clarify a lot of things.
It’s interesting to me that 50 years of these talking points are now, finally, being challenged, and it’s very hard for abortion supporters to accept. Even this little bit of pushback is tough. But of course, we have the testimony of doctors, whom you respect so much, to assure us that abortion is not something needed to save the life of the mother. Even if a medical professional states that it is, the mother has to understand that it’s not right to kill another so that one may live — and that’s assuming the doctor is right, which is a big assumption. There are many cases of women who have cancer, for instance, and who choose to wait until the baby is viable and to make the effort to try to give it life outside the womb before treatment is sought. We will all die, you know. When we go, we must go with a clean conscience.
Let’s put it this way: Suppose you and your child are on a dangerous cliff that is starting to give way. Do you want someone to come along and push your child off so that you can survive? I don’t know of any mother who would go along with that — nor can I imagine a father going along with it either. Whoever can help needs to try to save both. Sometimes that’s not possible. But we must TRY.
I certainly do encourage everyone to second-guess the things that doctors say! Surely we are not at this late date, with all we’ve been through, going to go along with the idea that we must do what they say without any questions!
By the way, I often post about political things here — not just “recipes and decorating” as you so charmingly put it. I am not afraid to discuss them and you shouldn’t be either. You certainly should not tell women to blindly follow what their doctors say, especially in moral matters that involve life and death. You can be sure I will challenge any such advice.
As to ectopic pregnancy, that is a somewhat different, yet the same, question.
Again, one cannot EVER deliberately seek the death of an innocent person. Where the baby is implanted outside the womb, there is no choice but to operate and remove the fallopian tube. (Yes, there are other treatments, but one must ask questions — if they involve the direct killing of the baby, one cannot pursue them.)
Now, in the case of ectopic pregnancy, we are talking about an emergency — quite a dire one — and surgery is something that has to be done swiftly to save the mother’s life; most importantly, there is no chance of saving the baby. The death of the baby is not intended, but it is a consequence of the immediate action to save the mother’s life. Thus, it is tragic but moral. These are not my thoughts but the teaching of the Catholic Church. When the doctor tells the mother what her choices are, she needs to think about which ones directly target the baby and which one does not.
Don’t confuse the situations though, because when the political discussion comes up about “life of the mother” what is meant is “can the abortionist begin the process of removing the baby from the mother in a slow procedure designed to destroy it”, as Dr. Anthony Levatino testifies in the link I provided. No, that is never acceptable and it is also never medically necessary — in the case of an emergency, the mother needs a C-section, and the baby can be treated. In the case of disease, the doctor can come up with a plan to try to save both.
I encourage you to read the books of Bernard Nathanson, an abortionist who was responsible for coming up with these seemingly complex arguments for abortion in the early days of its legalization. He admitted, once he saw an ultrasound of an abortion and had a change of heart, that it was all lies, told for political purposes. You can read an article here: https://www.thepublicdiscourse.com/2011/02/2806/
The truth is not complex and messy. The truth is clear. It is we who are sadly afraid to follow it, wherever it may lead. But don’t be. Taking a stand for life and for truth will always bring us peace!