I'm having a little trouble gathering my thoughts in a any sort of system for today's post, so we'll make this chatty, sound good?
Bread Corner
I only have these bread pictures, which I already did post on Instagram, so forgive me:
I will try to give you some sourdough tips little by little (following up on this post), if you are interested in getting better at sourdough bread baking.
Everyone's method sounds definitive, but conditions are so different; as you are flitting from tip to tip out there in the wild, resolve to try them, but not be wedded to them until you get the result you are looking for. (And to know what to look for, every once in a while buy a really good loaf of artisan sourdough if you have any available to you, and make note of its characteristics if you love it.)
Today's tip that works for me — see if it helps you:
Try making your starter a bit stiffer. The usual recommendation is for your feeding ratio is one part starter to one part flour and one part water, by weight.
What works better for me is one part starter, one part water, and one and enough more of flour, added little by little, to make the dough stiff enough that you have to work the flour in somewhat, but it all gets incorporated. (I use a flat whisk like this one because it fits in my large-mouth mason jar – affiliate link.)
Let it rise until it's bubbly and domed but not so squishy that it looks like it is losing its ability to stay domed. If it falls, just feed it again and try to catch it at its height.
Then when you are making your levain preparatory to mixing your dough, mix in enough water with a small amount of starter (100-200 grams, 1/4-1/2 cup) to make a mixture with flour that will be easy to incorporate with the rest of your ingredients once it has risen — more like one part starter, two parts water, one part flour. Let that bubble, then continue. Having a greater proportion of levain in your dough is helpful in colder weather, by the way.
The stiffer starter results in a less sour loaf (especially if you rise it in a warm environment — the colder and slower, the more sour).
And know that everyone has their days with their dough falling into ruin!
I got this Ask Auntie Leila question:
How do you remember what to do with babies when you get a new one? I'm on my fifth boy, with only two years since my last baby was born, and I'm still forgetting all sorts of things like how milk let down works, the amount of fever that necessitates an ER trip with a newborn, and most importantly, the HUGE necessity of doing the most important thing, not the appealing most frivolous thing, the moment that the baby's asleep. I thought I had a method – I keep a binder with notes by subject on meals, cleaning, kid fun, holiday recipes and to-do's, baby notes. However, there must be a better way! And I bet you've probably found it with your seven, or your girls have. Has anyone figured out how to keep “life with baby” notes that transcend the fog of mommy brain?
We're five weeks out. It was a lovely postpartum with husband working from home and lots of grandmother help. However, it feels like it's time for me to at least be able to heat up leftovers for folks, direct the kids to their chores and school, and take the reins of the house back from my tired and wonderful husband. I just keep on stumbling on my own forgetfulness. Maybe it's like re-learning how to knit for the umpteenth time, goes a bit faster. Your posts have been just wonderful for encouragement and good reminders. I read them again and again with enjoyment. And when the blog was down, how I treasured extra my Summa Domestica books! Thank you!
God bless you and your wonderful family! We're very thankful for you and your good words.
Love,
Sarah
You're welcome, Sarah! Thank you for your kind words!
This continual learning curve is why I wrote my books. Even those with experience keep needing reminding! I tell about how with my later kids I was grateful for reminders from friends: “nurse her before you get in the car” — nurses: “he's fussy because he's cold — warm him up!” — and doctors: the one at our town clinic, channeling her inner grandma rather than any medical training, who berated me for not having a playpen — she was really old-school and basically said, “you need a 1/2 hour in the morning and a 1/2 hour before supper with baby in the playpen if you want any sanity.”
My first thought: Does she know how many kids I have? (Six at the time). My second thought: Brilliant! This is happening!
Not to mention (in the department of getting back into the groove of life with lots of kids), make your menus, know what you are having by 10 am so you can defrost, soak, etc., and keep the laundry going. All of those thoughts are accessible in the menu and search bars here.
Oh, and my friend Shyla reminded me of this book, regarding the “when to call the doctor” question, and I urge you all to purchase a copy, because it's gold: How to Raise a Healthy Child in Spite of Your Doctor: One of America's Leading Pediatricians Puts Parents Back in Control of Their Children's Health by Robert S. Mendelsohn, MD. It's available used, and you should order a copy STAT.
I link to my practical advice below, in from the archives.
Relatedly and randomly:
Let me remind you, all of you: don't cover your baby's face with anything. Breathing is an actual thing — oxygen is a human right, even for babies…
Don't know where this trend started, but it's escalated beyond reason. I'm having a hard time with it.
It's one thing to drape a light, gauzy receiving blanket over the handle of the carseat or stroller to keep the sun, overhead lights, or stiff breeze off your baby, with plenty of airflow on the sides and lots directly above his nose. It's another to use that heavy double-sided minky and fleece quilt, and quite another to close the quilted sleep sack liner of the carseat over his face.
Early on in the pandemic I encountered a woman whose stroller was totally encased in heavy plastic. Auntie Leila says no.
Okay, that could have been three posts, but you are used to me!
bits & pieces
- My friend Jana, remembering that I have posted in the past about folk dances, line dances, traditional dances, sends these Rebecca Stout videos, simple, charming, and easy to follow, to help with getting started. You just need one or two people who are experienced with folk dancing to join you and get your little community prancing about!
(Note that the music makes sense with the dance. We don't dance anymore, so these pieces — helpfully named danse, courante, sarabande, allemande, gigue, and so on — can seem strangely stilted or even boring when listened to on their own, without the accompanying movements. Something to consider when studying them in the curriculum or listening to them for pleasure.)
- A fun sampling of traditional folk music, from the band called Shake That Little Foot, from the 30s!
- I struggled with helping one of my children with eczema and asthma (two of them with that condition). Here is a round-up of studies that might have helped me back then: Raw Cow’s Milk and Its Protective Effect on Allergies and Asthma. Do you have any experience with this? I think it's better to give a weaning child (over the age of 10 months or so) raw or lightly pasteurized milk (180° vs. in the 300s) than formula. (Before you comment — as you know, I am a big advocate of breastfeeding and baby-led weaning. Some babies wean themselves surprisingly early despite all efforts, and sometimes mom gets pregnant and her milk wanes. I have lots of posts about these things — here I am talking about what to do with an older baby who has weaned and of course toddlers and older children too. The current recommendations are to hold off cow's milk until a year. In my experience, it could be given at around 10 months if raw or near-raw, and I have a couple of posts about tested, cow's milk–based home-made formula here. The information includes a discussion about the risk of allergy to cow's milk. Please read all that before commenting and I think you will find your concern is answered. I'm not a medical professional of course, so use your judgement.)
- We had talked about Kitchenaids but wow, find a used one. This makes me angry, really.
- Do you know about ESG? If you're wondering how we are surrounded by rainbow everything, and why angry letters won't help, read this.
“The most important tool for accomplishing this strategy is environmental, social, and governance (ESG) standards, a new framework for evaluating businesses. Under an ESG model, which has already been widely adopted by corporate America, companies are rewarded or punished based on how they score on dozens of metrics developed by bankers, investors, activists, and, in some cases, government officials.
- Let's go back to Biblical morality and natural law, because the alternative is brain-dead mothers acting as surrogates for traffickers in human flesh (this isn't a horror movie, this is what is in store for us, as a logical consequence of having taken childbearing out of the marital act).
- Leila Miller writes about what to do if your little boy says he's a girl. Calm, common sense from an experienced mom in these confusing days! Her books are linked in that article; they are practical and help you not panic.
from the archives
- As promised above, How to care for your sick child at home.
- Know what is meant by a bland diet! Comes in very handy as all these stomach bugs are going around. Your recovering child needs to eat certain things and not eat other things, and then he will recover quicker.
liturgical living
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My book, The Summa Domestica: Order and Wonder in Family Life is available now from Sophia Press! All the thoughts from this blog collected into three volumes, beautifully presented with illustrations from Deirdre, an index in each volume, and ribbons!
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Mckenna says
I love Sarah’s question! My fourth baby is 5 months old and my oldest is 15, so I’ve been at the “mom game” for a while. But, like Sarah, I haven’t worked all the kinks out yet. I have The Summa Domestica and refer to it often (particularly when nursing gets rocky). But, I’d love more Auntie Leila wisdom on baby sleep. It would make a great blog series. There aren’t many trusted resources for those of us in the middle somewhere between super crunchy, wear baby all day and cosleep until middle school; and sleep train my 4 week old and run out the door to daycare. I enjoy baby wearing and am not opposed to a little co sleeping, but I’d also like to have the baby sleep in a crib and take a few reliable naps without resulting in super rigid schedules.
Leila says
I do have a chapter in the book. It’s not a subject I would want to tackle online, because people are so unreasonable about it! Maybe someday I will… but anyway, it’s in the book!
Leila says
Also, a lot of my posts on nursing have to do with figuring out baby’s rhythm, which helps, in turn, with understanding when the reliable naps will occur, and being ready to settle him down in a good spot where he won’t be disturbed. When baby is your first, it hardly matters! But in a busy household, everyone, including baby, needs these times of good, solid sleep!
Anonymous says
I would so love to have a frank discussion about sleep with experienced moms. I’ve been cosleeping with my 16 month old (second baby) based on Shelia Kipley’s book and now feeling a little crazy because he still wants to be with me nurse all night. I suppose I lost out on my window of opportunity for more independent sleep but I’ve been wanting the other benefits that I’ve gotten from ecological breastfeeding. This is so different from what I did with my first and now I don’t know how to proceed in terms of getting to independent sleep. This guy still wants to nurse all the time!
Leila says
Basically, my point of view is that if the baby IS sleeping, I am happy to have him with me. Mine never did sleep at that point — they only thrashed around and woke up every hour and generally made life miserable.
The co-sleeping people have babies who … sleep. I always told mine (who DID sleep with me for a good long time), “If you knew what was good for you, YOU WOULD SLEEP! Then you could be wherever you wanted!” But no.
You can try transitioning him to a mattress on the floor.
The book I recommend is Richard Ferber’s “Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems” — lots of information about sleep patterns and habits and how to fix them. I do NOT recommend “sleep training” an infant or any child who is not thriving. Usually babies who were sleeping pretty well have an “awakening” in more sense than one to the outside world at around 3 1/2 – 4 months and even that is too little to “train” (vs. continue to work for a good rhythm that is conducive to more sleep) — and certainly when you detach the child from your side, your fertility will return if it hasn’t already.
But sometimes everyone just needs to sleep (and maybe baby does need a sibling soon!).
Dixie says
If you are going a bit crazy and not sleeping well, that’s the sign that it’s time to change the sleeping arrangements and patterns. Some people co-sleep happily for ages and others just can’t sleep that way. I am able to sleep that way for several weeks or a few months and then I get to a point where I just can’t sleep anymore with baby so close. It’s okay if you need to make a change! I know I’m not giving advice on how to do it, but I just want to encourage you that it’s okay to teach him that he’s part of a pack. He’s old enough and sturdy enough to give up a little nighttime nursing so you can both get better sleep 🙂
Nicole says
I have to say I was SO GRATEFUL for that little appendix on baby sleep in the book!! I’d always wondered why you didn’t address baby sleep on the blog, but yeah, it might be the hottest button issue in parenting ;P. So I get it!
But anyway, very much like you, I was/am happy to have a small, frequent nurser sleep with me, but there comes a point where they just wake up too much and are too overstimulated being so near my body. And then we’re all miserable. But having read a lot of dogmatic attachment-style stuff (and yes, being scared that my fertility would return at 4 months or something lol) I was very hesitant to do any kind of sleep training. It took lots of patience on my husband’s part, to convince me they were going to be *fine* and indeed, all of us would be healthier with a baby who could independently fall asleep for naps (instead of the crazy-inducing 1 hour nursing sessions only to pop up the minute she’s put down!!). Your little section about was just a nice confirmation that my husband was right, I needed to trust and follow his lead more in that area (even though it “felt” like a “mother’s intuition” domain). It was like he could see what was best for me and the baby when I was too sleep-deprived to be reasonable 😂
Abby says
Can I just say, there must be something about these 4th babies… My oldest is 13, and have a 10 and 5 and 4mo. He is our worst sleeper of the bunch and it has been such a reality check! 2nd and 3rd babies I barely blinked and life rolled right on, but for some reason 4th baby feels a lot more like 1st (but w/ so many more life responsibilities!). Everything has felt weirdly new all over again.
Anyway I’ll be looking up that chapter. This guy will *not* sleep on his own which is fine at night but becoming increasingly impractical in the daytime. I’ve started napping him in our bed instead of in arms and working on slowly moving away, I figure with enough practice he’ll hopefully get used to it. Each child seems to have to carve their own spot in the family and maybe this is the 4th baby way to get the attention they need?
Anamaria says
I am so here for an open minded sleep convo.
Anonymous says
I also am in between, co-sleeping at the beginning some of the time (after the first stretch or two of each night independently) but also wanting to teach independent sleep. The weissbluth book gets the award for worst edited best book in our house. So much knowledge about how much babies need to sleep, how to help them, etc. for example his book makes clear to me that sometime between 2-4 months babies want to go to bed early. Like, eventually 6 or 6:30. And they flip out if they don’t!
I had my 5th 4 1/2 months ago and just read the no-cry books. The newborn one I found really valuable, lots of good tips to help cultivate independent sleep (at least sometimes) and gently teach some self-soothing skills. The original no cry sleep-solution I found valuable in that the alternative to eventually sleep training (if the gentle methods fail) was made clear (not enough sleep for the baby or really insane amounts of soothing on my part that I do not have time for).
Sarah says
Baby sleep is always a welcome subject for me too! My best solution that’s worked so far has been to do whatever just works for the first couple of months. That’s usually some combination of bassinet next to me or in my arms on a tough night. Then with a bigger baby, the bassinet goes a few more feet away, or to the room next door, so I don’t wake up to every snuffle he makes. Then when he’s really big enough to sleep through the night and just waking from habit, dad goes in to check on him when he cries for a few nights in a row. If the milk lady doesn’t show up, and he doesn’t honestly need Dad, he usually just starts sleeping through the night a couple days later. Teething throws all rules out the window – we just survive and have Dad do it all again if needed when it’s over. It’s worked decently so far, and no one’s gotten too sad in the process. Only works if you have a willing Dad, but if there’s a weekend or sometime he can manage it, it’s not a bad way to go.
MG says
How timely this post is for me! I am just launching into sourdough experimenting. I love your point about how every method seems so absolute, but in the end, you’ll have to figure out what works in your own kitchen. Like most parts of life I guess!
Anna says
I’m still working up my courage to try my hand at sourdough. I make a homemade white sandwich bread as our family staple, but I’d love to learn a good sourdough recipe such as yours. It’s absolutely beautiful!
Jana says
So happy to see Jenny Pluck Pears here! It is not that difficult to try with a group of six if you dance the patterns and don’t worry about getting the footwork at first.
This dance, indeed all the old dances, mimics courtship in the most refined and stylized* way, with the couples ever so slightly closer with each repetition of the set. First eyes, then hands, then elbows then arms round. Jenny Pluck Pears is especially delightful because the couples take turns picking their favorite pear from the tree. *Stylized and formal enough that a group of girls could dance it with no trace of awkward.
Regarding babies, ‘single side nursing’ and noticing the baby has a *general* pattern of
1 Eat,
2 Play, (or coo and look around and smile at people’s faces) followed by a bit of
3 Fuss fuss burp change the diaper, rocking and walking and finally
4 Sleep
5 Repeat
…was helpful to me when someone pointed it out years ago. Mileage varies but generally this is the way of the mammal.
Rosemary says
I found it helpful when someone pointed out this general ‘routine’ to me too. Timing and actual order can vary but it helped me grasp what I was doing in a more directed way.
Sarah says
Thank you, Auntie Leila! This was just exactly what I needed. I love how the reminders you mentioned you got with your own children came from all over – from friends, doctors, etc. How blessed we are these days to even have blogs like yours to jog the memory!
I really do find it a fascinating topic how families, mothers especially, keep notes on what they’ve done before and will need to do again. Are you familiar with the Moomintrolls? It’s a lovely series of books by Tove Jansson, with the wonderful character of Moominmamma. She’s unflappable, gentle, always ready with pancakes and coffee, always hospitable to her family’s guests. She has “Grandma’s book of remedies and recipes.” Very inspiring! Especially funny is the episode where she looks up what to do when your family is bored with your cooking.
On a side note, have you run into the books by Sven Nordqvist? Pancakes for Findus is one of them (https://a.co/d/fJdwfU6) and just darling. Wonderful detailed illustrations, the kind that a nursing mom can get a good 10 minutes out of without having to turn a page! Another nice thing is that they were turned into an animated series available on YouTube (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tL4c6omCUDo) and are honestly charming. It’s awfully nice having the occasional video that will buy 20 minutes for me to put my head down and not introduce awful behavior in my offspring! Pettson and Findus, the BBC Wind in the Willows series, 321 Contact, and Numberblocks have been a gift this pregnancy and flu season!
A says
Thank you for the book recommendations!
Katie says
Thank you for this post! I’m 8wks with #5 (my oldest is 9). I completely understand Sarah- I keep trying to remember certain things about being pregnant (mostly about dealing with the all-day sickness) and in my tired, queasy fog I seem to be getting the “do this!!” stuff swapped with the “don’t do THAT!” stuff. I need to reveiw some of your older posts, since I know they were helpful in the past.
Oh, and loved the shout-out for raw milk 🙂 I understand some people’s qualms, and that it can be difficult to source. But we are fortunate enough to have our own cow, and I usually can see a noticeable difference in our family between who drinks the most from her and who doesn’t whenever some bug sweeps our household. I’ve also given some of my babies raw goats milk. My 3rd actually couldn’t tolarate cow milk until he was about 2. They may initally refuse it, but once they are old enough to have tried a few different tastes of things, they’ll drink it readily. In our area, goats milk can be considerably easier to find than raw cows milk.
Amelia says
As far as unpasteurized, fresh milk goes, my doctor has recommended lactoferrin as the probable source of most health benefits. It’s a very heat-sensitive enzyme we all make internally and is high in mothers’ milk, but greater amounts are required to handle various toxins that are practically ubiquitous these days (including excessive vitamin A, a sneaky one that got us badly!) and lead to chronic health problems. Just throwing it out there for people who want to see if they can get the benefits that way.
Theresa says
Thank you for the book recommendation! I ordered it straight away. When our first-born got sick for the first time, I mistakenly took him to the pediatrician on his third day of a fever. The interventions kept coming as they could not identify the source of the fever. My pediatrician scared me into going to the ER, against my better judgement. My baby got a blood test, a urine test (which for a baby, requires a catheter), and two virus tests. Finally, my husband and I put our foots down when they recommended a lumbar puncture to rule out viral meningitis. A lumbar puncture for a baby with only a mild fever, and who was smiling and cooing in the ER!
Judging from his demeanor and reaction, the ER doctor was clearly relieved we ignored his advice and were discharged. He only advised a lumbar puncture because that’s what the AAP says to do for a 3 month infant with a fever of unknown cause. He knew as well as I did that my baby was fine. It’s ridiculous when following the AAP or CDC’s flow-chart takes precedence over common sense.
Leila says
This story makes me so stressed out! I cannot believe that doctors have acquiesced to these protocols over their training, experience, and good judgment. The result is that many have none of those qualities. What has the medical profession become??
Mrs. T says
On baby sleep: I was ready to crack after #8. High needs baby, never slept very long. At 4-1/2 months I decided to “break” him. He was gaining weight well and healthy so I knew he could do it. In fact, I believe I was ultimately interrupting his desire for sleep when I would give in and nurse him during the night, or try to “top him off” when I went to bed if he was already asleep.
After a good nursing/burping, he went to bed at 6, on his stomach. He would wake at his usual time and I let him cry. And boy could he cry! After a few days, he was sleeping 11 hrs straight. After a few weeks of trying to get him to sleep past 5, I gave in, would quietly go in and nurse, then lay him back down. He usually would sleep another hour.
At 17 months he goes to bed 7 and wakes between 5:30-6 am. Still an early riser, I am just sure to give him a short morning nap, and an afternoon nap that lines up with the toddler. I also go to bed by 9:30 myself to make sure I’m getting seven hours.
I’ve had to schedule this babie’s sleep and feedings in a way I did not have to with the other ones. A matter of survival! And it works well.
Leila says
I have long thought that the advice to put a baby on a schedule comes from mothers of many who had the experience you have had, of one child who needs structure and more sleep. There are some babies who need to stretch out to sleep and not be held. I had one myself!
Then that advice lost its common sense and was applied to ALL babies, because those experienced moms forgot that the first baby doesn’t get overstimulated the way subsequent babies do, because the house is quiet! (Although I would caution about noise from shows/TV in the evening — it can really make any baby stressed out).
Anyway, IMO lots of colic, stress, and sleepless nights can be avoided by having a real bedtime for even a small baby. Soothing bath, soft and warm pjs, and a dark, quiet space can work wonders — much, much earlier than you may think! The clatter and noise of supper prep and kids talking (yelling), eating, and running around can make a baby unable to sleep, he’s so exhausted!
jadeddrifter says
We are having a hard time getting baby #5 (10 mos old) to sleep on her own because the house we are renting right now has the master bedroom share a wall with the kitchen. The kitchen! Who designs a house like this? Any time someone accidentally bumps a drawer, baby is awake again! And our hallway acts like a funnel channeling the noise from every other part of the house directly onto the master bedroom door. You can only get 6 other people to be mouse-quiet for so long. Pray for us, I’m trying to find a solution, the sleep deprivation is going to get me soon–so glad we are just renting this house.
Leila says
Can you find somewhere else to put her to bed? Even a closet (with a curtain instead of shutting the door)? Or sharing with siblings?
Or how about white noise?
Victoria says
I’ve tried white noise, and it hasn’t been enough to overcome the acoustics in this house-that-was-not-designed-for-families-with-children.
But a closet, yes! That’s a good idea! I could fit her in our walk-in closet with a baby monitor. I’ve been trying to find a mini-crib but have been asking myself where I think I’m going to put it since I hadn’t found a space that is free of the constant noise.
Leila says
There just has to be enough air (you can see that this is on my mind LOL) but actually a fan pointed away or upwards would also contribute to white noise!
jadeddrifter says
I’ll make sure there’s air 🙂
Leila says
😘
Mrs. T says
Yes, fans for the win. Absolutely!!! I use one the baby’s room and also in the toddler/5/6 yr old’s room. We have a long hall that exacerbates every noise and the fans help.
Dixie says
We hung a curtain at the entry to our hallway and close it whenever a baby/toddler is napping in a room off of that hallway. The usual baby room shares a wall with the entryway/stairwell, which is a very, very loud place! The curtain is a visual signal to everyone to at least NOT BE LOUD NEAR THE HALLWAY and especially not to go down the hallway. Those rooms are just off-limits to anyone but tip-toeing adults while somebody small is napping. This, along with the white noise and putting the baby to sleep as far from the loudest wall as possible, helps a lot.
Elizabeth says
I can’t stand seeing those fleecy car seat covers that people Velcro over the baby’s face! It seems like common sense would tell them not to, since it clearly makes no sense. It makes me anxious to see it!
Thank you for the book recommendation—my first baby is due in May and I will be sure to order that book!
Anamaria says
Irish fish recipes??? There have to be some, it’s an island! But I don’t know any. I have a little Patrick in the house and no dispensation to eat meat (I’m also totally fine with fish but do want something Irish!)
Leila says
I think the good Irish cook would make salmon gently poached in butter and served with lemon! Irish cooking is simple and fresh.
Boiled potatoes, roasted savoy cabbage, Irish soda bread!
Anamaria says
Thanks! Satisfying and easy! We picked up some wild caught salmon at Whole Foods when we needed to get one little thing snd saw it was on sale!
Suzie says
I was really pleased to read Leila Miller’s article. My nearly-5yo son likes pink (but also red and purple and blue), has friends who are girls (but also friends who are boys) and likes to pretend to be a mermaid or a fairy (but also a priest and a boy from one of our train books and also my parents’ dead cat).
I think people at the moment often come down too hard on one side or the other. Either they are “really” a girl or they must not be allowed to be “unmanly” ever, even in play and even when they’re only four.
My son is clear that he’s a boy really. Also clear that he is not a cat and doesn’t really have magic powers and can’t breathe underwater. And that there are appropriate times to pretend to be someone else, and that there are times (e.g. in church, when we have certain guests who won’t “get it”) when he has to be himself.
I think that when it comes to individual young children (as opposed to fighting the horrifying system that is perpetuating these mutilations and criticising these alleged “affirmers” masquerading as competent psychologists) people should, in general, just relax. Children pretend to be all sorts of things. It doesn’t really mean all that much.
My 3yo daughter, by the way, is also sometimes a mermaid, cat, boy, queen, priest… and she’s still a girl!
Leila says
Exactly.
Annie says
Yes! I have a twin boy and girl and it’s funny to see them switch back and forth “as each other,” both pretending to be priests/deacons, etc etc. it’s also fascinating to see the ways they really are different as a boy and a girl, and just as two unique kids!