Before I go on to the topic, I want to congratulate the winner of the Illuminated Liturgical Calendar Christmas Cycle, Jaunita! I have hosted lots of giveaways and the winners sometimes have short comments; doesn't need to be long or complicated to win because I really do choose randomly, but her comment was so sweet:
These are beautiful! I already know where to hang them, on the wall at the landing at the bottom of the steps, first thing to meet the children’s eyes when they come down in the morning. I can see this being a wonderful source for quiet contemplation for children and adults alike.
12/13 years ago I was a new convert hunting through blogs trying to figure out how to raise our 3 little boys Catholic. I knew how to raise them Mennonite. Was it much different? I was completely overwhelmed by the myriad of crafts, cakes, activities, etc, etc. Surely, Surely there had to be an easier way that didn’t wear one out just reading about it. Then I stumbled on your blog! Ironically it was your post on spanking* that clinched it that you had practical, common sense advice that could be trusted. 😄 So, here I still am now with 7 boys and 2 girls. Thank you for saving my sanity all these years!
*my advice is embedded in this post!
IF YOU ARE NOT JAUNITA and would love to purchase — save 20% on the Liturgical Year Calendar: Christmas Cycle at Sophia Press using this code: Calendars20 (note that the code is not for the subscription, which is already discounted).
Thanks to all who entered and for all the encouraging and wonderful comments. I wish I could send a calendar set to all of you! The code is the next best thing. Now on to our main post!
Dear Auntie Leila,
Is it realistic for me to try to classically educate my four children, ages 2-9, with another on the way? We've had three moves and struggled with bad health; I'm not great at housekeeping; my children are high-strung and energetic. I feel like I'm failing all around.
I have tried to use The Well-Trained Mind and Memoria Press (not an affiliate link). A homeschool collaborative isn't really working well for us. I am tired. I am exhausted. I fantasize about staying home with my younger three and sending my extroverted nine year old to school on his own.
I think about everything that I wish that I could be doing with my time (cleaning! helping friends! reading books! knitting!), but I feel stuck, because if we decide to homeschool again next year, using a boxed curriculum, I'm not going to have a whole lot more time on my hands anyway.
I want to be home. I want to educate my children well. I want to learn and grow myself. And I would prefer to stay sane in the process.
I feel that the perfect has become my enemy.
Classically Frustrated
Dear CF,
You can do it! Here's my thought:
Instead of starting with the perfect curriculum and falling short, might I suggest that you attack the problem from the other end? How about starting with making goals this year for your children and see what these companies can provide to help you achieve those goals?
I outline this way of approaching things in this post on keeping records. Turns out that having to write down your goals as well as your particular lesson plans clarifies the mind wonderfully.
Let your children have their interests (and yes, even little children already demonstrate proclivities one way or another, very often); give them basics, including those that are oriented towards good literature and classical subjects as they grow older; and trust in the environment of your home.
Setting your own goals — literally writing them down on a piece of paper, going right down the line, one child at at time — will help you know what you should and could do this year, and probably no more, at least not officially. And really, that's all you need to know for now. You have the big picture but you must, as you say, stay sane! The children will learn, don't you worry about that.
My objections to The Well-Trained Mind have to do with the intensity of it, which is odd coming from someone like me, who loves Ambleside (a Charlotte Mason curriculum); but Ambleside is saying: “here’s the banquet, take what you like, be calm” whereas WTM is saying: “do all the academic things to succeed at the next academic level; we'll get you through.” WTM is not actually “great books” or classical education (which could be defined as the study of Latin and Greek but we will use it more broadly here) so much as “elite, college-bound education packaged for the home school” — but not every child is cut out to be a scholar, and not every potential scholar needs to be at the academic grindstone full time.
WTM does not see the importance of nature, music, art, and dance, all of which the great John Senior thought were part of the good life, classically understood, and endeavors without which one cannot hope to succeed when it comes to book learning. They are part of and a necessary precursor to an education that emphasizes great books.
Susan Wise Bauer's background is teaching at an elite secondary school. Her curriculum follows that model and I honestly don't think that someone in your circumstances (or mine for that matter) could achieve it. There's a very good reason prep schools charge $40,000 and upwards a year for that sort of thing. And in the end, if your child happens not to be scholarly, it will only frustrate him and, frankly, do his intellect harm. Yet, a true classical education aims to form even the non-academic, scholarly sort of student.
Interestingly, I read her blog back in the day and saw that she herself was, first of all, relying on her mother to do a lot of the actual schooling, and second, in her own words, bribing the littles with M&Ms and videos so she could “Get it all done.” (And she is a feminist and her book on world history is laden with progressivist baggage.)
I don’t think that approach conduces to the overall building of an environment of peaceful learning (as peaceful as it’s possible to be when there are, you know, kids involved). To me, it's better to do less and calm down the relentless push to get things done. Busywork doesn't guarantee outcomes, anyway.
I am a big believer in doing what excites you and seems to fit your children and family, rather than trying to force everyone into someone else's idea. Try my approach for a year and see how it goes! I am assuming you saw this post (super long-winded, sorry), and this one about having a vision for your educational path.
Look at it this way: Let's say you have a third grader who hasn't become fluent in reading. That means that your year's goal for him has to be “become fluent in reading” or maybe more specifically, “enjoy chapter books.” To that end, your English class for him will be doing MC Plaid phonics along with read-alouds that entice him (and following my advice, reading one and a half chapters and then suddenly having to go do something, to entice him to finish on his own… or leaving the book in the bathroom for him to pick up during that boring yet immobilized time… ). If by the end of the year he is enjoying reading on his own, it's a success. Done and done!
Another third grader might have been reading for three years. So the goal for this child is “good narration and being able to write a good sentence.” The Charlotte Mason curriculum on Ambleside will give you good leads on books that will challenge him. And he might be ready to start Latin, for which Memoria Press will be most helpful.*
*I have a whole series on teaching your child to read. It starts here. My book, The Summa Domestica, will have the whole series in a chapter of its own.
That's how the goals work, being specific for each subject and written down. That way you have a sense of accomplishment and not having wasted a year, because it's all too easy in April to forget where you started in September, and to become a victim to that snare and delusion, the receding goalpost. The poor kid never gets a break because his accomplishments seem unremarkable, when really he went forward with a great leap. Let's give our kids a break by being clear on what we are hoping they will accomplish.
This is the key, all you overwhelmed people! Use these comprehensive curriculum offerings not as a stick to beat yourself with but a means to achieve your goals. Don't let them set the goals (except insofar as you find it helpful). These two third graders I mention can hardly be compared. They are in very different places. Forcing them into the same curriculum would be damaging to each, in a different way.
Some kids cheerfully do all the work put before them. Others balk. Most of mine went along fine. My Will said in 8th grade that he didn't want to do more math. Alrighty then. By the time he got to chemistry, he needed calculus and he learned it without difficulty.
John Taylor Gatto says you can learn anything in six weeks. If your child is interested, he will learn. Your duty is to give him the tools. And to make the environment rich enough so that he knows enough to get interested. I don't even think that the elite curriculum approach says much about music, viewing it as an extra-curricular. But many children are quite musical and simply are given no scope. for their talents. All children need to learn the basics of music (and to read music, something I didn't quite understand at first). The actually classical part of the curriculum called the quadrivium is almost all related to music! That's a topic for another time, but worth remembering when you are evaluating someone's idea of what they are calling classical.
Many parents come to feel they have expended all of their efforts on the purely academic aspects (not customized for their child though) and parenting and running the home, and have nothing left for the good bits, the original elements of “wonder” that lured them into homeschooling in the first place. They realize they haven't even started music lessons, haven't learned French, haven't done art camps or learned how to play basic sports, haven't gardened or grown flowers or built anything. I'm trying to show a way forward to changing that, just by changing from being a blind consumer of curriculum to a careful distributor of it and maker of an environment that fulfills your own vision.
If you and your husband are academic and bookish, most of your children will be as well. If you are not, probably not. However, children surprise us all the time by being interested in things we never thought about, one way or another. Don't fret about it. They will be what they will be — your part is to use your energy helping each one make the tools of learning his own and be able to pursue what really interests him.
Our Bridget insisted on the violin — which seemed a bit random. And then after she started, she needed encouragement and a certain amount of gentle forcing to keep at it. Once over the hump of the tedious process (for everyone, believe me) of acquiring the skills, she became proficient. The violin was not in our wheelhouse but we saw she really wanted it.
Learning a language, singing in harmony, writing a newspaper, solving mathematical problems — these are the pursuits that make the family interesting and interested. Offering an ordered path to familiarity with perennially fruitful subjects and books, in harmony with their temperaments and abilities, gives them a good and classical education.
bits & pieces
- I posted an Instagram post on Facebook the other day, and a reader encouraged me to listen to the author's podcasts. So far they've been most enjoyable!
- I have taken a real dislike to the current trend of referring to our minds with the language of computers. We are not processing, we are thinking. The metaphor tends to ratify the idea that computers will soon think (AI), which is impossible, but if you downgrade the one, you can elevate the other. Robert Epstein on The Empty Brain.
- Normally I wouldn't share a sort of forum post like this one, but it's quite detailed, informed, and interesting: How clean were medieval people?
- I made these and they were amazing: Apple Cider Doughnut Blondies (although the recipe is absurdly detailed! I have never had anyone instruct me on which rack to use in the oven for making blondies, come on)
from the archives
- Advent is heading our way. Don't forget to get your Advent candles (affiliate link). Here's how I make our Advent wreath, the one I hang from the chandelier in the dining room.
liturgical living
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MIgnon says
Leila,
I haven’t finished reading the post yet, but wanted to put these links out there for John Senior’s Restoration of Christian Culture, which I have been reading this fall with some friends:
At Clear Creek Monastery: https://clearcreekmonks.org/gift-shop/restoration-of-christian-culture/
At Eighth Day Books: https://www.eighthdaybooks.com/quicksearch/all/Restoration%20of%20Christian%20Culture
This is the only place we could find the book for a reasonable price!
Mignon
Leila says
Thanks, Mignon — I put the link in!
Kristi says
Thank you, Leila! Wise as always!
AO is excellent. If like to plug Mater Amabilis, a Catholic Charlotte Mason curriculum. The facilitators in the MA Facebook groups (general and high school) are so experienced and can help one to adapt the feast to one’s own family.
Victoria says
Thank you for the recommendation Kristi!
Adele says
Thank you for the timely reminder to make curriculum work for your family and not be a slave to what everyone else is doing. You led us to Ambleside and Charlotte Mason nearly ten years ago and it has been the best for our family. She even includes household chores as part of education. Sarah McKenzie at Read Aloud Revival has a lovely book called Teaching from Rest, which is this post in book form if anyone is in need of more encouragement.
Mignon, thank you for the tip about John Senior’s books. I have been not so patiently for someone to post a less expensive copy.
Rebekah says
Yes yes yes! I have 6 kids and when my 3 middle boys hit the school years simultaneously with varying difficulty and ease I had to take a hard look at our Ambleside heavy curriculum that worked so well for our first child. The well trained mind method would have striped my children of all joy in education.
Do pick one or two goals for each child. Focus on short daily regular practice. ( example: one child reads a short portion aloud everyday, another needs to daily practice writing several sentences of narration, another has 20 min or so of remedial phonics and spelling) In just one year I saw doubled or tripled improvement in each child’s problem area with almost no effort.
Also- I plan REST into our required daily school. Free time from chores. Time to pursue projects or walk. It is our 4th R. 😜
For my late readers and to accommodate the change to multiple students I switched to using some of the content on
Underthehome.org
This allowed me a few things,
1-streamlining less important work and the assignments , audio and printable all in one place.
2- easy consistent writing and reading lessons
( we don’t use every lesson activity- there is too much content to do all of it!)
3- gave me a very clear rubric for building my own curriculum and helped me see how much work we could realistically do in a day and still keep house, go out etc.
As usual auntie Leila nailed it!
Lindsey Gallant says
Thank you for this reminder! Whenever I feel burdened by all the things, I come back to your blog and regain a bit of perspective and sanity. 🙂
One of my goals this year is to help my 4th grader with his spelling. We never completed a thorough phonics program with him when he learned to read, and now he is finding his lack of spelling ability hampering writing in general. He is pretty good with his own phonetic versions of spelling things out, but they aren’t usually correct. We are continuing with (almost) daily copyworb, but I’m wondering if there is something simple out there that will help jumpstart his spelling skills? This is something he really wants to improve in this year.
Dixie says
Lindsey, I don’t know much about the spelling programs out there, and maybe others will chime in. I had success with doing basic spelling work based on words that I saw my child misspell in the previous week’s writing assignments (whatever writing we were doing in English, history, etc.). I picked ten words that I had seen my kid misspell the previous week and on Monday, assigned each word to be written five times; on Tuesday, each word used in a sentence; on Wednesday, use 8/10 words in a story…you get the idea. Friday was a spelling test. If the child got a word (or several words) wrong, I repeated them the next week. This was very simple and worked for us…it help with particular words, of course, but it also helped my kid get the knack of how categories of words tend to be spelled. Good luck!
Nicole says
I have a few thoughts that might be helpful when thinking about a child’s spelling.
– there are more or less developmental stages of spelling that children all go through (keeping in mind the bell curve, and some kids leaping past a stage or having a delay that keeps them stuck in one). So for example, you will generally see 4-5 year olds spelling things like CT for cat or WNT for went, leaving out most vowels. That’s the Letter Name-Alphabet Stage, and while it’s not essential to know the names of the stages, it does help me remember it’s normal to be in this continuum (and gives you a starting point to know what to work on). Then they move on up through Within Word Pattern, around 3rd gr, which deals with those pesky vowel teams, homophones, and other phonetic patterns that are less intuitive. And so forth.
– I really like having as a handbook “Words Their Way”, which explains all the above, and includes lots of word lists and activities for each stage. I started having my 3rd grader use word sorts recently because, like you, was noticing that her spelling had some “holes” (which again, fell very much in line with where she is in her spelling stage). So I print out a word sort every Monday, she cuts and tries to sort it on her own based on the patterns she sees or hears, and we briefly discuss the patterns together plus any tricky words. Then she pastes it in a notebook, re-writes it a few times, and I give her a test on Friday.. She re-writes any she missed, or I put them on next week’s test. I keep it really simple– and the companion books with just the word-lists ready to print our copy are available on Scribd as PDFs which is very convenient.
– I don’t expect to have to do this forever, just until she has gotten through the stages far enough to have internalized correct spelling. OR has been reading independently enough to have gotten it. (And btw, not all kids who are voracious readers are good spellers!! Some really do need the explicit instruction). And probably with some of my kids I won’t need to do it, but I’m finding it beneficial for my kiddo who needs it. (The other nice thing about this is that you really can skip around to exactly where you kid is and what they need help with, rather than slogging through page after page chronologically in a workbook/one-size-fits-all system).
Alex says
I beg to differ. Words their way dates from 1996 and was new when I started teaching, part and parcel of “Whole Language”, later redubbed “balanced literacy” when so many parents objected to “whole language”.
Not all children go through these stages, unless they are forced to write before they are ready. A children few will write spontaneously stories, but most don’t want to and are stressed out by having to guess, and many, many develop long term bad spelling habits this way. This reluctance is especially prevalent among voracious readers, who are well aware that there is only one right way to spell any word. In the 50’s through 80’s (and earlier, I assume, but that is my only period of direct knowledge) children learned to spell many, many words correctly, beginning with the most phonetically regular and highest frequency words, before they were required to write independently. There was a weekly list on Monday and a test on Friday. Independent writing began with using each spelling word in a short sentence. Children trained in this earlier system have better spelling skills in high school (at least among the ones I taught), but younger teachers will justify the “invented spelling” pedagogy by saying kids really don’t need to know how to spell because spellcheck will do it for them, hardly a ringing endorsement. Finally, having all spelling instruction based on a child’s mistakes can be demoralizing, and also never helps expand the child’s writing vocabulary. Get an old fashioned spelling book if you can.
Anamaria says
We do spelling workout (actually recommended by Susan Wise Bauer) and it’s great. Old-fashioned list, grouped with phonetic options. Lists get longer as they go on but aren’t too long. Good advice on how to study the lists at the beginning of the book.
Studied diction also seems like a decent way to go, have considered adding or subbing that if my bad speller starts stagnating but she’s improving (she also writes a lot of stories and we do gently correct her as Charlotte Mason says seeing it wrong will get stuck in her brain!).
Abigail Badillo says
Firstly, I have, through years of experience in comparing the two, found it immensely preferable to lean in the direction of creating my own curriculum for my kids. It takes time up front, yes (a task I do over summers), but it pays massive dividends in our ability to actually enjoy our school days the rest of the year. I’ve tried many of the “best” science and history curriculums, and every single one just didn’t fit for us – was too dry, assignments didn’t fit my kids ages, temperaments, skills/weaknesses, etc. Sometimes it was necessary because for whatever reason I didn’t have time to do a more tailored approach (moving, new baby, recuperating from bad car accident, life!), but we always limped through those boxed curriculum years. Eventually we settled on doing much of what my own mom chose for homeschooling us – LOTS of read alouds, an appropriate dose of math and language arts every day, and the rest done in a sort of unit study approach. For instance, this year I decided to depart from the four year history cycle, and delve into the history/geography & art of world cultures. About half of our focus is good read alouds – fiction, non-fiction, picture books for the little one – and the rest is spent completing not too complicated projects, writing assignments, watching documentaries, and the like. This approach works great for “content” subjects like history and science, because you can pick whatever subject(s) your kids are interested in or would be good for them to learn, and really make it fit your family. It seems daunting in the beginning, but you could always pick one subject/topic to explore that way and compare the results to see whether it is worth the upfront effort!
Second, I do use a “boxed” curriculum for the skill subjects (math & language arts). I don’t find it terribly important that my kids “love” their language arts curriculum, so we just slog through *something* every year. IEW’s Fix-It Grammar was not too painful, and in the early years Spellwell isn’t too hard to get through. I do think that it is important that you find whatever math curriculum causes the least tears (some crying probably is inevitable with math). Some would say it shouldn’t be used as a standalone, but we’ve been successfully using “just” Life of Fred for quite a few years; I like it both because the ongoing story keeps the kids motivated, and because it teaches them to really THINK about the math. I personally recommend Abecedarian reading program for kids who need help with phonics (my firstborn was greatly helped by that particular approach; the second quite literally learned to read on his own before I ever had a chance to teach him, and current 4yo seems to be on the latter path).
Finally, can I recommend reading Teaching from Rest (Sarah Mackenzie), Elizabeth Foss’s Real Learning, and A Little Way of Homeschooling (Suzie Andres)? Classical education appeals to my intellectual side, but that rigorous approach has never worked for my kids or myself. We all need actual TIME for other pursuits – sewing, knitting, Legos, gardening, exploring, in short time for all of us to putter and play. I believe such pursuits to be a vital part of a rounded life and education. Daily I remind myself that my job is to “start fires, not fill buckets” – I really believe that our jobs as homeschoolers is not stuffing our kids to the gills with every Great Book, but to ignite in them a passion for learning, for reading, for knowledge and a love of God’s beautiful, ordered world.
Judith says
It’s like you’ve been rooting around in my head! I cannot thank you enough for this post. I have always used a mash-up of AO and WTM. I am a box checker, so it is always a temptation for me to focus on checking all the boxes (even all the AO boxes), but when my focus is on the boxes we lose all the wonder. The truth is I can’t check all the boxes and I need to focus on checking the boxes that we need and no more.
MamaB says
Thank you Auntie Leila for your wisdom! We homeschool in very much the way you describe (and your guidance has got us there), and it has been a great blessing for our family.
That said, I can completely identify with Classically Frustrated; I’m homeschooling our 6 children, very sick in early pregnancy with our 7th, have poor health generally, am not naturally a great housekeeper, etc. And I just want to say: it is hard!! This is a huge sacrifice you are making, and it may involve your sanity to some extent, and at least it will involve ALOT of struggle. There are many days when I yearn for the time when I shipped my bigs off to school and just stayed home with my littles. But each choice has its struggles, and sending kids to school carries its own set of crosses and difficulties (and I don’t believe that homeschooling is the ideal if there’s a good school option—each child, each family, each school is different). Maybe this sounds a downer, but I wanted to make sure you’re not alone in finding this hard. It is very hard, and though some days may feel idyllic, many others won’t; you just have to do your very best and keep at it, entrusting everything to God’s mercy.
Nicole says
I definitely resonate with this as well. I think a certain temperament (introvert!) is just going to find this to be a big burden and struggle. I love my homeschool plans and life on paper, but really struggle with juggling everything, and having all really littles (5, 8 and under). And I agree– I know I’d also struggle if we were trying to get the kids out the door to a private school with commutes, etc. 🙂 There’s always something.
Jann Elaine says
Hi MamaB
Congrats on little one number 7. sorry to hear you’re sick from the pregnancy. as a hypremesis gravidarum sufferer myself (4 lids), i always figure “pregnancy sickness time” is our “summer offs” Ordinarily we school year round, until mama gets pregnant. And then i guilt-free allow them to do zero school until i recover, usually about week 20. Perhaps it’s a bit late for you for that as you’re already pregnant, but i just wanted to mention that trying to school while pregnant and sick is a lot. it’s a lot. a lot. no wonder you’re worn out. this too shall pas. hang in there.
MamaB says
Thank you so much for this advice! We haven’t taken off entirely (hasn’t been necessary yet), but all mine have a fair amount of independent work that they can do without me (or with me managing from bed)—so our homeschool is limping along, and I know that we’ll get back to full strength once I’m feeling better. This is a lesson I’ve already had to learn bc of chronic illness, so I was more prepared than expected in that regard!
Kim F. says
Auntie Leila, this post is GOLD!!! I will be bookmarking it to come back and read again and again and again (until all my children have graduated!). Thank you for your sharing your wisdom! And to the commenter who mentioned Elizabeth Foss’ book Real Learning, that is the book that made me want to homeschool. I cannot recommend that book enough. I believe it’s out of print but I’m sure there are copies to be had. God bless!
Nicole Cox says
She actually revised and republished it last summer! It’s called Real Learning Revisited.
Kim F. says
Nicole, thank you so much for the information. I’m going to order several copies to keep on hand for my children. Hopefully, they will be as inspired by the book as I was! 🙂
Victoria says
Opened this post when I ought to be working on housestuff. 😉 Haven’t finished reading Leila’s thoughts and want to wait til I have more time later, but I agree with everything said so far. I’m a Charlotte Mason homeschooler, and recently started to read “Well Trained Mind” with a “know thy enemy” thought in mind. I get a lot of burned-out classical homeschoolers in my support group, and want to be able to answer their concerns better. I have to say, I can’t read more than two pages without getting angry at the burdens SWBauer places on moms. Her way is definitely not for most people, IMO.
My heart goes out to all moms who are sick and tired and have so many kids their hearts are worried for. I’m one of those moms too!
Check out Ambleside’s online forum, introduce yourself and find a local support group. You can also look for local support at the recently re-opened “Charlotte Mason in Community” group locator. Prayers for all you homeschool moms. Be sure to care for yourself!
Juanita says
Thanks again for the Liturgical Calendar! I will send you a picture once it arrives and is hung.
Your link about the brain reminded me of a book I recently read, The Shallows: What the Internet is Doing to Our Brains by Nicholas Carr. He also argues that our brains can’t be compared to a computer.
Carol Kennedy says
That article on the brain is so fascinating! This IP metaphor, as he calls it, is so common and behind so much of the intellectual elitist’s Brave New World they are trying to create. They really believe in transhumanism and that they (the elites, not we lower creatures) can rise above current human existence and live forever in their computers. As laughable it all is to those of us with a Christian world view, it is still dangerous, because it reveals how they value life—certain human life has value, others don’t. It excuses all of their cruel plans and disregard for the human condition. At the root of it though is still Darwinism, so it is interesting that the author rests his definition of the human person on evolution: “Thanks to evolution, human neonates, like the newborns of all other mammalian species, enter the world prepared to interact with it effectively.” He even “thanks” evolution!! I also think it is interesting to note in his history of the metaphor (and why “metaphor” vs theory—I guess he is speaking of language, but he is articulating theories about how the brain works)—anyway, in the history he goes from the Bible (brief reference to Genesis), to 3rd century BC, to about five hundred years ago. He completely ignores all Christian anthropology and thought. I just think these scientists are trying so hard not to credit God with anything, that they end up twisting themselves into pretzels to explain things.
Ruth says
This post wonderfully addresses a question I’ve had for a long time: whether the classical education is really for everyone. So helpful. But I don’t see that you’ve addressed the ‘extremely extroverted child’ question. I have two kids (6 years apart) who beg to see their friends *every day*. More kids closer together wasn’t in the genes for us, so we couldn’t just overwhelm them with siblings. We live in a strange world in which kids can’t run out the door and play with the neighbors all day long. Their home school friends come from church and people drive up to two hours to get there on Sundays. Auntie Leila, did you have any strong extroverts who pined for friends? How did you help them?
Leila says
Ruth, I had this issue too. We have to balance helping them find friends and have time with them with talks about how we are where God wants us to be right now, and we have to use our time doing what He asks of us. If right now we simply don’t have friends handy, then that’s what He wants! We can work on it but we also have to accept it. That means finding friendship with that sibling who seems to be not quite right! And using time well, overcoming rather than indulging, useless wishes. They can pray for the lonely, for instance…
At the same time, let’s pray for friends. Pray for the right people to be put near you. Ask Our Lord, the angels, and the saints to “solve” this problem. They will! And if it seems not to be “solved,” it means that this truly is God’s will. A struggle in childhood that is met with a good fighting spirit can yield many graces later on.
MamaB says
I second all of this! Many extroverts here. And while i have a bunch close together and thus have the blessing of friendship among them, having good friends outside the family is still an incredible blessing that I regularly pray for for each of them. And especially when you have the right intention, ie, give me (them) a friend whom they can bring closer to God, that prayer is ALWAYS answered. Not always in the way I expect, but always answered.
Anamaria says
One of my recent thoughts on this is that my children’s friendships are more realistic life friendships. I don’t see my friends everyday! And many days that I do see them, it’s a shared activity, not just fun hanging out time!
Kelsey Skidd says
I’m in my fourth year of homeschooling and I’ve always been so grateful for your wise perspective on all of this, Leila. It’s incredibly easy to embark on this with all the simplest and best intentions, and then one Rainbow Resource catalog later and *poof* our peace is out the window! There is just SO MUCH STUFF marketed toward the homeschooling family these days. So anxiety-provoking.
I also sense a difference in the past year and half or so, since there has been an upsurge in homeschooling due to the pandemic. Not virtual school-at-home, but actually pulling kids out of the school system entirely. I’ve spoken to a number of parents who are enthusiastic about giving their children something better, but their lifestyles and their vision are not fully aligned with what they are seeking. It’s difficult, because they sense that something is off and they want to do better, but the root of the issue isn’t what math program they are using or whatever, it’s much more fundamental. If the home is going to be the locus of everyone’s life, then the home has to be strong and coherent! It’s also tough to switch gears from really institutionalized schooling to anything less standardized. I have heard wise homeschoolers argue for an “unschooling” year, or even just a few months, where nothing academic is really attempted, but everyone just gets used to being home together and having time to do real things. How bizarre that this beautiful leisure would be so disorienting to us, but that seems to be the case sometimes.
I love both Mater Amabilis and Ambleside Online! I would like to put a plug in for the CMEC (Charlotte Mason Educational Center) for anyone looking for more support and guidance than what MA or AO can provide. This is the first year we’ve been a part of the CMEC and it’s been so wonderful for our family. I feel immensely more grounded in Mason’s principles than I was before, I am less tempted to search the universe for the “perfect” curriculum supplement since I have paid for the CMEC resources and they are fantastic, and they offer great guidance for combining children across the curriculum as much as possible. I can’t recommend them enough!
Leila says
Yes, Kelsey – Rosie has joined the CMEC and really loves it. Charlotte Mason can also seem overwhelming, but approached in the spirit I’ve tried to outline here will fit very well with the overall idea of creating a home environment that reflects the unique characteristics of the particular family and learning styles.
As long as mother stays confident (and does not collapse at the sight of others doing a lot of things she is not ready for), CMEC is incredibly helpful.
Cirelo says
I had the opposite experience with CMEC where I was actually doing really well with Ambleside and I had confidence in manipulating it to fit our needs, but then I felt a lot of pressure from my CM friends to join CMEC. I think I got so overwhelmed at this attempt to recreate what feels like an ideological form of a Charlotte Mason classroom that I lost sight of what MY goals were. I instead moved to a shove all this down my children’s throats kind of mentality. Which is clearly NOT what they advocate but they are so fully loaded that that’s just what happened to me. I know that many of my friends truly enjoy and get the support they need from this program– Perhaps mine is just a caution to know thyself. I’m actually still trying to reground myself this year and your post Leila was helpful in reorienting me.
Leila says
Oh, I’m glad. It’s really important to keep your own family goals firmly in mind and have confidence in them.
In prayer, put all you have to do before the Lord and then go ahead with great peace.
Victoria says
I’m using the CMEC for the first time myself because I was in need of someone else to do the streamlining and combining for me this year…that said, they offer a LOT, and I can see how it could rob a parent-teacher of their peace. CMEC seems have a vision of offering ongoing teacher-training, and trying to be sure that even the most ambitious parent-teachers get the most they can for their membership fee. I love what I’ve received from them, but I can’t do everything, and that’s okay. And I love Ambleside too, so, it couldn’t hurt to go back to them. I also think that if you are grounded in the 20 principles, it gives you metrics to know how to tweak things best for your own family. I’m a huge proponent of in-person discussion groups as a means to discuss, hash things out and articulate ideas. I’ve been in one and/or led one for four years, and it takes some time out of my month, but it’s also so life-giving.
Kate says
I’ve been homeschooling for almost 29 years. I have to admit that I homeschool because I have no other choice that I could in good conscience give to my children. Public school is out of the question. Private schools are out of our budget. I have always been a believer (as Leila) that God usually makes his will known to us through very practical circumstances. I may not like what He asks and I may find it difficult, but that does not mean it should not be embraced. My job is to trust in Him and make the best of it (with help from family and friends, and bloggers too). I have come to realize as I age, that the essence of the Christian life is fidelity – in our marriage, in raising our children, in our relationship with Christ, in our relationship with His Church. What are the words we want to hear from Christ? “Good and faithful servant.”
Homeschooling is not easy, but you can make it needlessly difficult for yourself. If you are not a good housekeeper, get rid of the inventory you have to manage. I am not going to direct you to any minimalist sites (although the Minimal Mom is good), but do take decluttering seriously. Be careful about what you bring into your house – which includes homeschooling materials and toys. Every item is something that needs to be managed, which takes time away from time with the children. It’s easy to become overwhelmed in a cluttered and disorganized house. I’d say it is the number one thing than burdens mothers. We need some level of peace to homeschool. That’s where I would start first. Your home is your work space and it needs to not be working against you.
I’ve designed my own curriculum over the years and I adjust it for each child. Boxed curricula are too expensive and if you don’t use everything or finish you feel guilty for wasting money. I don’t want to forgo something enriching for my children because they have to finish X number of essays or worksheets by the end of the quarter. For younger children, I do think Catholic Heritage Curricula has good materials and gentle advice for a mother who wants some guidance with freedom.
Your children are young so just concentrate on the basics. Gather them for short prayers in the morning. Read a saint’s story to them afterwards. Take a break, then read an engaging chapter book. Go for as long as they want. Let them do any activity they want while you read as long as they are not disruptive. Do the three Rs with the older kids and call it quits. Give a priority to music and art and hands-on learning (which included house and yard work and the occasional home catastrophe). Get outside daily. Keep them away from electronics and online learning. Pray together as a family in the evening. Read aloud again before bed so everyone can settle down. This would be a good thing for dad to take on. My older kids have fond memories of their father reading everything from “Narnia” to “War and Peace” over the years.
Never put schooling before their relationship with you, their father, their siblings, and God.
Addie says
I am guessing most of your crew would fall in the K-3 crowd (or younger). I did not find WTM helpful for this age group. I think that the WTM puts too much pressure on the K-3 children (and their parents!). I read it and then put it to the side because life is hard enough already sometimes and we all have laundry to do.
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K-3: Saxon Math, Handwriting (Zane Bloser because it was on sale), and K-1 did All About Reading (for the phonics only). Tons of reading with some narration/dictation/copywork depending on the age (older kids had more; K-3 had very little) – picture books from the Five in a Row list, Tomie DePaolo saint books, Jan Brett, All About Science series, history books, biographies, and longer read alouds with mom and a cup of tea or cocoa (Paddington, Little House series, etc). I joined a homeschool “living books library” that was so helpful! Everything else was extra when we had the time/interest for that age group. We did mapwork/geography using puzzles, pulled out the telescope and learned about space, baked and hiked a lot, etc.
For the highly energetic: can you find a sport or activity that will wear everyone out, but not you? Our local rink had free/cheap ice skating lessons (I sat and watched). Ninja/ropes courses. Sledding! I had the kids all shovel DAILY for the entire block as a “community service” project just to wear out the boys! An hour of shoveling in the morning made for a much calmer homeschool in the afternoon. Indoor swim lessons/swim team. Lego time at the library. I didn’t do a co-op (it felt overwhelming and many were canceled with covid anyways), but I did do the weekly homeschool community park meetup and the weekly roller skating homeschool meetup (a nice mother of eight organized that one!). My extroverted kids looked forward to it and the house stays cleaner if we are not always in it.
Jann Elaine says
Absolutely love this tip to have the boys shovel the sidewalk. Saving that for a few years for when my littles are bigs…thanks much!!
Marie says
It’s very interesting to see the critcisms of WTM here. I remember reading the book as a homeschooled high schooler myself, and my mother and I both noticed that Susan was clearly the “star student” — but there were two other, rarely mentioned, children. In fact, I think once there is a reference to one of them making lunch! Well, yes, I too could achieve amazing things for my “star student” if I left the others to fend for themselves in his dust, espeically if they were to fix lunch and do the housework for us!
That sort of education, despite its claims, really doesn’t see education as the “lighting of a fire rather than a bucket to be filled,” It seems to involve an awful lot of bucket-filling, and indeed, is predicated on starting with an even bigger bucket than most people seem to have to!
As a second generation homeschooler and a former teacher, I think it’s extremely important to keep the child in front of you in mind, always. There are certain things all children need to know and be able to do, but there are lots of different ways to achieve that knowledge/skill. And until you reach middle or even high school, basically, they need to learn to read and then do so, along with any old math curriculum! (I’m not sure if everyone remembers or realizes this, but in school, until at least 5th/6th grade, every subject that isn’t math is bacially reading comprehension: read a story about George Washington and answer comprehension questions. Read a story about planets and answer comprehension questions.) It really is that simple, especially with a healthy family life filling in and holding the space around them. If you don’t let them have endeless screen time, they nearly *always* find something educational to do! (And if they don’t there are always chores!).
I’m glad to see the tide in Catholic homeschooling seeming to turn a little from frantically filling the bucket to a more relaxed, joy-filled approach to learning!
Adele says
Lots of lovely advice and support for homeschooling, but I just wanted to chime in and reassure this mom that school can be the right choice as well! After six years of homeschooling, I was completely burned out in all the ways you mention, my kids wanted more stimulation than I could give them, and they were sad and had no friends. I now send them to a recently-founded classical school, and everyone is so much happier. Best wishes for your decision!
Mary says
Adele, I’m glad you spoke up. I agree. We are blessed to have an excellent classical school in town that is completely faithful to the Church. I think there is pressure to homeschool – when my oldest was a baby the message I heard from Catholic media and faithful Catholics was that if I loved my son and wanted him to go to Heaven, then I had to homeschool. I no longer think that is true. In fact, I think our school is ideal. I realize we are in a unique situation having this school close by – but I see so many of my homeschooling friends who are unwilling to even consider school. Having said all of that, I love all of you homeschoolers and root for you.
Laura P says
Hi Auntie Leila,
I’ve been reading your blog for the past year and recommending it to absolutely everyone. I’m basically a new stalker. Move over, Pippajo! So most importantly thank you for all the advice!
My eldest is 4, and I feel so lucky that I’m reading all the information on this blog before I get to actually homeschooling her/messing them up forever…
I’ve been keeping my ear to the ground for homeschooling advice for a while now, and I often hear Catholics recommend Susan Wise Bauer’s history curriculum to be listened to as an audio book in the car, often with mention of occasional problem eras.
I have read the Well Trained Mind and had been forwarned about it, but I haven’t read Story of the World. Furthermore, I have a crummy regular school history education and while I haven’t dipped a single toe into rectifying that, I also don’t necessarily trust myself. In short, could you elaborate about the “baggage ” in Story of the World?
Amelia says
I can’t answer your question directly, but we have the entire Story of Civilization series and the kids and I love it. It’s apparently similar to Story of the World but it’s from a solidly Catholic perspective. There’s also Story of the Church about church history. We just do the audio, not the textbook or worksheets.
Laura P says
Thank you for the recommendation!
Victoria says
I can’t speak to “Story of Civilization” either. But what I can tell you is this, there is a world of difference between the way Bauer sees and understands a child, and the Gospel-centered way Charlotte Mason saw the child: as a full person with talents, strengths, weaknesses, an affinity for relationship with God and His creation. She saw the early years of education as an opportunity to build the child’s affections in an intuitive and natural way. Bauer sees the early years as a time to stuff a child full of facts–as many as possible. It’s the difference between going to a lovely potluck party and enjoying selections of the food there as-desired versus going to a place where some kind of diet professional force-feeds the child hundreds of tiny, pre-digested bits of what was once food. I find Bauer’s idea disrespectful of the child as a full human person.
I feel a little sorry for Bauer here because I’m so critical; I’ve heard her give interviews and she seems like a lovely person, but she’s just hasn’t hit on universal educational principles like Mason did.
Laura P says
Thank you for that succinct comparison! I’ve been looking very closely at Charlotte Mason’s approach and loving everything I read, and I’ve also been puzzled by how the ‘grammar stage’ is presented by some classical homeschoolers…like you say, stuffing a child full of facts.
Leila says
Laura, I posted about it here (and have a chapter about history in my book): http://likemotherlikedaughter.org/2021/01/ask-auntie-leila-rescuing-history/
First YOU have to educated yourself to understand what the modernist (“whig”) view of history is. Actually, that link I have there to the question of whether medievals were clean is a good object lesson — note the poster’s last comment about progress! Then you can evaluate resources yourself. Christ the King Lord of History (as discussed in the post I link here) helps the parent understand better how to approach the “history timeline” which radiates outward from the Incarnation!
Cirelo says
It was really helpful to me as a convert to have to you point out the Whig interpretation of history heresy(?), or I guess, viewpoint. Often when you are coming into the Church you don’t get a total reeducation and you bring in this baggage with you you don’t even know about. I feel like I’ve spent the last 17 years trying to weed out and uncover these errors I came in with from my thoroughly protestant/ modernist/ humanist viewpoint. It’s nice when someone can help you along by pointing out common misunderstandings, not of theology per se, but just world view. Things you just accept without questioning, like of course we are progressing through history culminating in the reformation! 🙂
Laura P says
Thank you, Auntie Leila!
I had read that article and had since started obsessively buying those Landmark History books, but now I’m reading through it and all comments much more closely.
I am suspicious that I’m getting your book for Christmas, and if I don’t it is going to be an Ephinany gift from me to me, with much love.
On a related note, my father converted to Catholicism (he was raised vaguely Methodist) after taking a core (secular!) college history course. He’s not talkative and we’re not particularly close, so I have never asked him to really elaborate, but he said that he realized all of history is just a history of the Catholic Church, and so he converted. I’ve always been impressed/also confused by that, but I can see it is very related to what you are explaining.
Many thanks!
E.M. C. says
I actually have loved and appreciated many of Susan Wise Bauer’s suggestions as I have transitioned to homeschooling my teenagers. But I really see your point, and indeed I love the metaphor of lighting a fire instead of filling a bucket. To some extent children need exposure to art, music, history, literature, the beautiful things of the world, before we start demanding them to create their own beauty. But overwhelming them isn’t helpful. Encouraging growth is. Thank you, as always, for sharing your wisdom.
Leila says
I have gotten good thoughts from her as well. Children need exposure to as much beauty and goodness as possible, and challenging them to excel is important. I hope that parents see that operating from a position of confidence is the best way to combat burnout and the sense of trying to meet everyone else’s (often changing) expectations.
Thank you for this excellent comment!
Belle says
Yes, yes, yes! Light a fire, don’t fill the bucket yet drown the child.
And to that end, be open to alternatives to Memoria Press Latin. There are a few children who thrive on the workbook grammar-translation method of Memoria Press, but for a great deal more who have all love of Latin quashed by endless forms.
To tip my hand, I believe that children (and grownups) learn second languages best when the grammar comes after careful exposure to the language through story and song, just as it did when they learned their first language. Can you imagine sitting a baby on your knee and saying “Now you must know what a vocative noun is before you can say ‘Mama'”? Of course not, you coo at the baby when he says “Mama and then in school you teach him his grammar.
May I suggest looking into the following programs: University of Dallas Latin and Picta Dicta.
UofD is written for people who don’t have any Latin training, want low to no prep lessons, are willing to spend three 30 minute sessions a week of side by side tutoring. Plus, it’s Catholic and incorporates studies of great art. Most importantly, it focuses on first letting students hear, memorize, and use Latin before having them do grammar. It makes teaching the grammar so much easier.
Picta Dicta is much more of a plug and go curriculum requiring less adult oversight. It has an online, computer element which may or may not suit you and readers. Like the University of Dallas curriculum it lets students use, memorize and read Latin before getting into the grammar.
***
Older children (high school), can be set to work with Lingua Latina. Don’t be intimidated by it all being in Latin. There are answers and guides online in English with the swift help of google.
If you have a touch of Latin under your belt already, then there is the free First Latin Course by Mina Maxey with the accompanying novella “Carolus et Maria” is a great middle school program.
Full Disclosure: I was a homeschooled child, who now teaches Latin at one of those Classical prep schools, which is why I care so much about the Latin. Let me also say, that school can only supplement but ever replace a rich home life. There is a marked difference between the children who come from homes where they are cared for as a whole person (not just an academic person) and those who aren’t.
Anamaria says
The UD Latin program is amazing! We are learning so much that my husband started brushing up via Latina lingua so he can keep up with us and/or take over Latin as they get older! We only do two days a week right now as we do Spanish two days and a co-op the 5th day (where they do Latin for children). I’d love to overlap a few days and do both languages three days a week but that’s not in the cards right now with my toddler situation 😆. I wish I could find a comparable Spanish curriculum, honestly! I am almost fluent in Spanish so I try to imitate the UD program in lesson pattern but it’s hard to do as well.
Belle says
The closest thing I can think of for Spanish is the Sommos curriculum by Martina Bex except that it is geared towards high school students. Best of luck to finding something! (Or maybe writing something? It sounds like you are well on your way to making your own curriculum 🙂 )
Anamaria says
Thanks! I am basically combining a few things- Whistlefritz CDs (and the occasional dvd from the library- they are entirely in Spanish!), traditional songs in Spanish, speaking Spanish at meals, and board books. I am planning to purchase the cherrydale press Spanish for the gouin series and then I think we will be all set for a few years! But I’ll check out Martina bex when they are older, thanks for that resource!