Since my husband is almost ten years older than I, and we met when I was still in high school, it was possible for us to become friends before we saw each other as marriage material. So, I am not that convinced about dating, nor do I have a lot of context for it. I went on a few dates in my life (during the time that I thought I had a friend in this guy named Phil but probably needed a boyfriend — and was pretty darned young), and they were awfully lame and exasperating.
In a way those few times made me realize that I just wanted to be with Phil!
Regardless, men and women need to be with each other, talk about everything, take walks, and figure out whether they'd possibly want to marry. Short of having the village elders simply make the match, there's no good way to achieve this end other than dating. And if people are not going to end up alone with either a lot of bad memories of intimacies that left them eviscerated or a lot of loneliness, they need to take steps!
Tuesday evening, April 17th, there will be a one-time screening of the movie, The Dating Project, somewhere near you. You know that I don't usually promote things… but.
An in-depth preview of this movie (which I hope to go see Tuesday evening along with you!*) convinces me that it raises in a helpful way the issue of not being able to date, and what to do about that.
I appreciate that the movie includes people of different races and ages. I appreciate that it forthrightly discusses marriage. I am encouraged by the positive message for people who are in the mainstream and need a way to escape its constraint of no constraints. The fact is that our society has no rules, and this situation is intolerable.
Here's a short trailer for the movie:
You can find the movie on Facebook,Instagram, and Twitter.
*In exchange for this honest post about my thoughts on dating, I am receiving tickets to the movie. I hope you will invite some friends and go as well! I will be seeing it at the Solomon Pond Theater in Berlin/Marlborough, MA.
Catrina Ryan says
What age do you recommend this for? I have a 12 yo daughter…
Leila says
Catrina, 12 is too young. I haven’t seen the entire movie, so I’d be in the wrong to give the go-ahead, in any case. But a 12 yo should just not bother thinking about dating at all — too many trees to climb and books to read.
I’d say this is for adolescents and older. If you have a sheltered 15 yo, go see it yourself or with your friends. If you have 14 yos who are clamoring for boyfriends or who are really inundated on all sides with the hookup culture, then take them.
I’ll try to make it to the showing and then I’m sure I’ll have more thoughts on it! And hopefully they have plans to release a DVD.
Tia says
I sure do hope a better model of dating takes off. I am lucky enough to be married now for 10 years, but I have a handful of single ladies as friends and I hear their (horror) stories. Man, is it bleak out there. Just awful. And I think it’s horrible, degrading and demoralizing even for secular men and women who just want to be treated as human beings.
Emily says
Yup. It’s pretty awful….and even among Catholic men, it’s pretty terrible. I’ve met a lot of Catholic guys who are solid on doctrine, but then they want a woman who can have 8-10 kids….and I can’t have kids….so it’s like, well, then, I’m out! Now, granted, this isn’t all men, but a lot of men that I have dated fit this mold, and when they find out I can’t have ONE kid, let alone 8-10, it gets pretty slim….
Melinda Loustalot says
I watched an interesting interview by Raymond Arroyo and a philosophy professor somehow connected to the movie. .I forwarded the video to my daughter (my most recently married child) and she said the dating situation portrayed on college campuses is pretty spot on. .Here’s the link to the EWTN interview. .about 20 minutes long. .https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPiDF0mrALk
Melisa says
Thanks for sharing about this! I’ll be going to see it, and maybe bringing my 17 and 18 year olds.
Elizabeth Sullivan says
Leila, I would love to read about your love story with Phil! Please write that for your followers. It’s bound to have many lessons for us!
Jenny says
Yes, please! I was thinking this as well!
Katharine says
I agree 🙂 I love hearing about people’s courtship and marriage stories.
Ken H. says
I don’t know if this will be a complete in-depth story of Leila and Phil, but if you look for the recent appearance of Leila on ETWN’s “The Journey Home” – here is a link https://youtu.be/CQarO1HdU00 – it has at least part of their meeting along with part of her conversion story (as much as you can fit in about 50 minutes, but it’s a good show!)
methylethyl says
This looks really interesting! I hope they come out with a DVD version– no theaters close enough to us! I do hope the “scene” has changed for the better by the time our kids are dating age. But it was dismal when I was that age, and it’s been all downhill since. Leila, are there any print or online resources you’d recommend for parents or dating-age young people? Meeting my husband was pure serendipity. I think a lot about how we’re going to help our sons navigate that problem… and haven’t any good answers yet.
Kelsey says
My best friend in high school was (and remains!) Mormon. She and her church community – which was very united and strong – had an interesting approach to dating. No one was allowed to date until they were sixteen, and then they were encouraged to go on lots of true, fun, old-fashioned dates with as many of their church-going peers as possible. They weren’t supposed to be in an exclusive relationship at all until eighteen, but of course most of the young men left for two-year missions around age nineteen, so it seemed to me like a lot of the younger college-age Mormon ladies ended up with guys a few years older than them who had seen some of the world and done some growing up already. Many were married before college graduation. My own friend ended up with a terrific man seven years her senior, and they married shortly after she graduated (on an accelerated track.)
I never went on one date before meeting my husband at age twenty-one! It worked out well for me, and I’m glad I skipped most of the drama and heartbreak so common today, but I have to say that I did envy the innocent fun my friend got to have, getting to know the young men of her community.