If you have an actual family and things to do and babies to nurse, I'm reposting this post from a while ago — it's meant just for you, especially if you are new here!
Thanksgiving isn't early this year, it's rather late — which means Advent is shorter, which means you need my guide more than ever! So here you go:
Dear Auntie Leila,
Any chance you could post about the things you do to get ready for Thanksgiving?
Love,
Susan
You mean the magazines aren't helping you with their advice to set the table the day before?
You say you actually use that table at every meal for your impossibly large family?
And even if, during those crazy prep days, you could simply hand them food out the dog hatch, telling them that it's normal to eat meals on the porch in November, your nimble toddlers would slip past you and make short work of the china and glassware?
You don't think it would be wise to set the table more than a nanosecond before everyone sits down, even with your linebacker brothers to guard it while you keep the other toddlers from standing on the dishwasher door?
Because you have an infinite supply of toddlers?
Yeah, I hear you. I don't have any brothers, so it was even worse for me.
Maybe some of these ideas can help.
Keeping in mind that this post is really for large busy families who aren't old enough to contribute by bringing all the dishes to you, and that I am usually stirring gravy with one hand and forgetting to defrost the pie dough with the other, here, in telegraphed form (because it's already less than a week to go) is my little list of helpful hints.
♦ Know that when you have little ones, you are not going to have that one day that you can devote to giving the extra turn to your puff pastry, making individual miniature cornucopias as favors, or blanching your almonds.You need to embrace that.
But it's your duty now to schedule in — rather than be in denial about — the need to sit down and nurse the baby.
By the way, this is where I think baby schedules get a bad rap. The schedule is for you — so that you don't push your baby a little past his limit with your busy-ness, but are fully aware that yes, it's been two hours and he really does need you. Not for a quick sip but for a good, hearty nursing. If you bottle feed your baby, no, you can't just hand him off to others while you run yourself ragged. The baby is like a big speed bump in the road. Slow down.
Pace yourself. You know for a fact that the baby will need to be held, and, exasperatingly, more often when your level of frantic activity is up (there is a direct correlation between children desperately needing you and your distractedness — this has been documented by countless women, or would have been if they could have found a pencil).
Even if he seems fine (and he's not, because to him it's just a day, not a “special” day, and he wants you), you'll get sick if you put him off. At least, if I didn't stay with my babies' rhythms, I would get a breast infection — no fun and no good for anyone.
On the other hand, you have lots of little helpers who can do charmingly naive approximations of place tags, fashion turkey decorations and garlands, and bring in pine cones.
So decorating is taken care of.
♦ Make dessert first. Basically, that means make your pie crusts sometime before Wednesday. Once that part is done, the pies are easy and can be baked before you put the turkey in (I really do like mine freshly baked on the day, other than the pecan pie, which can be made the day before — it's a little late now to be freezing it, but it does freeze well, for future reference). Any little touches that you really want, do them now.
♦ Pay your bills and go through your papers before Monday. This year Thanksgiving is a little on the early side, so that's good, but you will be vexed if you get a late fee because you let yourself lose your concentration.
♦ Sometime before Tuesday: Clean your own room. Do it today. If you want peace in the next few days, you need to know that your house is in order. That tense feeling of paralysis comes from the vague sense that you have too much to do, which is in turn fed by those little strolls you occasionally take through the house and yard.
{I say this as someone who once, on the eve of the big T-day, told my returning kids (including poor dear Natasha, who has likely never recovered), “Clean the windows in the dining room,” and went to lie down. But that's because the dining room table was being finished that day, in that room — and by finished I mean the legs were being sawn down because I felt the whole thing was too high. Well, it was. But that meant there was sawdust everywhere….}
If you just do a big chunk of it a few days before — the non-turkey-related chunk — you will experience a lightness you never knew you could have.
The fact is that roasting a turkey isn't all that hard. Phil's brother once pointed out, after having fussed over a chipotle turkey with ancho stuffing or whatever, that in the end, Thanksgiving dinner tastes like… Thanksgiving dinner!
No matter what you do!
So go ahead and keep it simple, and rather than thinking all will be lost if you don't have five-spice squash, just make good plain squash and do your chores ahead of time.
Complicated Thanksgiving recipes are creatures of magazine editors who sit around all year thinking up stuff for you to stress out about —
–and then get their own Thanksgiving dinners catered.
Actual thanksgiving, on the other hand, is about the bounty of nature (among other, more lofty things). Na-ture. Put butter on it and it will be lovely.
♦ Give your whole upstairs (or sleeping zone) a “Moderate Clean.“ Now is not the time for turning mattresses or any of that deep-cleaning fancy stuff. De-clutter a little, wipe things down, tidy up — including your messes that you can't deal with right now — just go ahead and make them as tidy as you can — and vacuum.
By sometime on Monday the unseen regions of your house will at least stop giving you that sinking feeling that you will expire soon. Get the bathrooms in shape. When you wake up next week to the reality of cooking for your crowd, you'll have the satisfaction of knowing that a Blitz will have you in good form.
♦ Do a lot of laundry now. Fold it and put it away. Notice today if your family actually doesn't have enough underwear to get them through Friday. If that's the case, get thee to Target and buy some. You'll still have to do laundry every day (probably including at least processing some on the day itself) but giving yourself breathing room is the way to go.
No matter how efficient you are, and especially if you're like me and really like to make things from scratch and have them fresh on the day, you will be super busy on Wednesday and Thursday. You don't want a lot of dirty or wet or jumbled sheets and towels mocking you every time you walk by wherever you stack all your unprocessed laundry.
♦ You know that feeling you have that's like this: “I wish I had time to sweep the porch!” “I need to vacuum the stairs!” “Ugh, there are cobwebs in this room!” “Under the trash can the cabinet is so dirty!” “The chairs need to be dusted!” “I can't even think about the car!”
Well, those are all things kids could take care of. It won't be worse than it already is. Put them to work and see if you don't get a bit ahead despite yourself.
♦ When the nether regions of your house are moderately clean, your laundry is put away (I know there's more, but you're on top of it), and your bills are paid, you can take a little breath. Sit down (with the baby, of course) and start your lists.
These are the lists you need:
- Details of the cleaning that is yet to be done — guest areas and kitchen.
- Non-food items that you have to purchase: dress shoes for the boys, new kitchen towels (please resist the brown and orange ones or you'll have to start all over again in a week), a gravy boat (just get one — it's about time — it doesn't have to match), and candles (don't forget the ADVENT CANDLES — because yes, Advent starts next Sunday).
- Extremely specific menu plans for every instant from the moment your guests — including returning children — arrive. You need to try to picture in your mind exactly what you want to be serving for breakfast, lunch, appetizers, dinner, and snacks for the whole weekend. Then throw in a menu for the day before anyone arrives — something simple and quick like soup or pasta with ham and spinach. Your menu list should have three parts: the menus, organized by meal; the prep work for each meal, the better to delegate, since even the youngest child can peel a carrot or wash broccoli; and a shopping list. Arrange your shopping list by aisle and department.
You don't have to clean out your fridge because the power being out for five days recently necessitated a scouring that likely would not have occurred otherwise.
Oh wait, that was me.
If you had your power, then spend the next few days eating and throwing away, depending, whatever is in there.
Armed with your lists, you can easily tackle the rest. Here's how:
♦ What's really great about this particular dinner is that you can make almost all of it in advance. Since you are likely also having to feed your family on a regular basis until then (why? why do they need to be fed so often?), you probably won't be that housewife who calmly mixes herself a martini an hour before the guests arrive. But here are the things that you can do while you are getting through the non-holiday days:
If you can roast a turkey along with your Sunday dinner, do.
That allows you to have already carved meat and gravy, sparing you the last-minute frenzy. You can still roast one on the big day, but it will be mainly for show. One turkey isn't really enough for more than eight people anyway. Even a big one, which is mostly bones and cavity.
Cranberry sauce: Since this has to be cold anyway, make it right now. And yes, it's worth it, even if you just follow the directions on the package, leaving out the lemon zest, hand-picked hazelnuts, nori cultivated in special Japanese sea gardens, and/or varietal red wine reduction.
Canned cranberry sauce tastes like sugar (or more likely, corn syrup) that met a cranberry sometime in the distant past and can't really remember its name. And which one of us hasn't been smacking ourselves on the head on Thanksgiving morning, foreseeing all too clearly the inevitability of warm cranberry sauce, having forgotten about it until then?
While you are at it, make enough and freeze it. It's just so good.
Stuffing: Any time the oven is on, put a tray of cubed bread in there. There's a bag in my freezer…
Last night while I was making pizza, I got the cranberry sauce done, as well as a nice batch of onion confit, this time with figs, ginger, and coriander.
I was slicing onions anyway for the pizza, so I just saved a step and did a bunch. If all my dishes are pretty plain (but super yummy), the confit will be memorably interesting, and that will be enough. Even someone with twins could get that much done five days in advance! I guess. I've never had twins.
When the oven was still hot from the pizza, I put the sweet potatoes in (on a pan lined with foil, because don't do that to yourself — don't give yourself a pan of burnt sweet potato guts to deal with). Those can cool for however long it takes me — days, even — to peel them and toss them with butter and salt in a serving dish. Snap! Done.
When you make your dough for the rolls, make enough for several loaves of bread because what really matters about this holiday (I mean, other than the gratitude and all) is the sandwiches afterwards. For those, you need some really good bread! Freeze it so no one eats it before the right moment.
Look at your list and try to get a couple of things done each day. They will keep just fine in the fridge or the freezer — even, in the case of sweet potatoes, squash, beets, and such, on a cool shelf in the pantry for a day or two.
On Tuesday you can do your final shopping, knowing that your house is reasonably clean and if all else fails, you will have pie and stuffing with cranberry sauce.
On Thursday morning, make everyone take a long walk. If they stay inside, they will just get the house dirty. I won't say you'll have that martini, and that's probably just as well, but it's the best it will get until they are old enough to invite you to Thanksgiving dinner!
Other Thanksgiving posts:
Rosie's baking fail, super cute. Being pregnant and far from home excuses all.
Prep talk.
Not a “before”, but does include our fun game.
Thanksgiving is a proof of the existence of God, and more prep talk.
Katie says
I just stopped by to look up this post and the post on ham and split pea soup (the grocery store had a special on ham and now I have a bone and 6 #s left! to use). I was really confused, but then realized that you had reposted for convenience. Thank you!
Kelly says
Leila!
One again, just having re-read your re-posting of this delightful article on preparing for Thanksgiving, I look all the more forward to the holiday! Your humorous and yet realistic (or is it the other way around? My glass is half full, happily!) approach and sound advice compares to the humor in the “I Love Lucy” episode of the candy factory: the candies representing “all that must be done” in preparation for the (you-name-it) holiday! Thanks for rekindling the memories of assigning children specific preparation tasks (back when I thought perhaps meeting my standards was a bit too much of an expectation for a child or two)! I borrowed a tip from another woman, explaining to the children, once they each understood his or her task, to “Do it excellently.” ( Translate: for the Glory of God!) Worked every time, mostly to keep my expectations in check 🙂 I wish you and your extended family a Happy Thanksgiving!
Anitra says
Thank you for this, Auntie Leila! This is my first Thanksgiving in quite a while with a nursing baby again, and I was feeling so overwhelmed (especially because we host and everyone is happy to “help” but only on the day of. So… yes, by all means “help” but by now that means entertaining the toddler and first-grader. And maybe holding the baby.) AND we have to have Thanksgiving dinner at noon this year because all the younger adults have to get back to work in the afternoon (because they work retail in New Hampshire. Never been so grateful for Massachusetts’ blue laws as I am this week!) which means that I’m going to be running from the time I get up in the morning.
Made my grocery lists this morning, but I think I’ll be carving out a little time today to make a “what gets done WHEN” list. 🙂 If I do this right, I think I can get half the food already prepped before Thursday!
Rachel says
I’m Canadian and our Thanksgiving takes place the second Monday in October. You poor guys across the border have it tough, I think. But I learned something this year that has changed my life. I roasted the turkey the day before Thanksgiving. My beloved husband carved it (nicely, this time!). We put it in the foil pan that comes with the $15.00 chafing dish we bought at a party supply store (you have those, right?), refrigerated it and warmed it up the next day for about an hour or so in the chafing dish. I was sure it would taste leftover but it didn’t. All the family agreed. This saved a ton of work and stress on the actual day. No pans to wash and all the carcass boiled up the day before.
Becky says
Carcass boiled up? Hmmm, for what? I am sure this is a silly question, but I have always composted mine and wonder what I am missing…?
Kari says
Carcass boiled up for the BEST SOUP in the WORLD!!! Turkey carcass soup! My husband doesn’t like turkey but he’ll put up with it for the carcass. He even suggested I make the turkey ahead so we could have the soup on Thanksgiving day itself! Basically, you boil the carcass with some celery, carrots, onion, etc. make a basic stock. Then the next day (after having left the pot in the garage, porch, refrigerator) skim off the fat, add some leftover turkey, an herb mix (marjoram, thyme, cayenne pepper, I don’t remember what else) and barley and some more carrots, celery, onion etc.
YUMMY!
Kari
Becky says
Wow! Sounds good! Thanks for sharing!
Rachel says
And a blessed Thanksgiving to all our American friends! 🙂
Kimberly says
Thank you so much for reposting this. We moved cross country this summer and are on our own for Thanksgiving for the first time ever. We’ve invited some friends to join us, but the making it all happen feels a bit overwhelming. I have now started my lists and plan (with what I could get done during quiet time)…and I think it is all going to work! Thank you for the practical advice. I love knowing I can count on your blog for practicality, especially when it is almost impossible to find elsewhere.
Becky says
Seriously. You know my troubles even when I don’t know my troubles. This post is amazing. Thanks. I am not sure my holiday meal planning and cleaning will be perfect, but no doubt I am better off. And at least I know someone out there understands my inability to be Martha Stewart and keep my toddler out of the dishwasher, and make sure my kids get occasional fresh air, etc., while still placing incredible value on the importance of HOME-cooked meals and beautiful celebrations. Cheers to you!
Suzette says
Getting myself to Target. Teething baby and toddlers on nap strike. Hoping trip home from getting underwear essentials (are you in my house?!) will lull the clan to sleep. (raising my coffee+milk to your name) Also, another load to wash before I leave.
Jenny says
Made me laugh! Its crazy how fast those toddlers can be!
Kara says
How inspiring. Now, this is real life! Thanks for the help. I’m offering some suffering for you today in thanksgiving for the little push I needed to get my act together.
Lori @ In My Kitchen, In My Life says
Thanksgiving is one of the holidays that makes us recognize our realities. Mine is to have a plan, work it, and enjoy the process. I can do that by keeping things reasonable, as you say.
Christina A says
I’ve been slowly working my way through all your old posts over the past year or two, and I have loved all the Thanksgiving Prep posts. We are almost always at my mom’s house for Thanksgiving, but last year, we hosted our first Friendsgiving a couple Saturdays before actual Thanksgiving; your advice was invaluable. We’re planning another Friendsgiving this year, more of a (Cousinsgiving I guess) with some of my husband’s cousins and their kids, who live in our town but whom we hardly ever celebrate holidays with. Should be fun!
mrsnightskyre says
I don’t know if it means anything to you, but I come back to this post every year to help me calm down and remember how to get “everything” done. I know I’ve done it before, but sometimes I just need that calming, common-sense approach to remind me that it’s OK that my family still needs food and laundry done in the week leading up to Thanksgiving.
After 13 years (!) of us hosting the big dinner, the other adults in the family are starting to contribute food, and my kids are big enough to help (or at least stay out of the way).
Leila says
mrsnightsyre — it does mean a lot to me! Thank you for your sweet comment. I feel my work here is done haha mwah xoxo