Raise your children to take disruptions in stride, and they will grow up to come visit you when you don't even have a kitchen and have to grill food in the drizzle and make your tea and toast in the dining room amidst the temporary shelving! “Are you sure? You know we don't have a kitchen.” “Is it okay for us to descend when you don't have a kitchen? We are happy camping with you.”
The important thing is — we are together!
Yesterday we went to The Garden in the Woods. If you are in the area, it's a wonderful little nature trail just west of Boston (and east of us) that's well worth a visit.
Garden in the Woods began in 1931 when Will C. Curtis, a self-trained botanist and landscape architecture graduate of Cornell University, purchased 30 acres in north Framingham. He began clearing, planting, and sharing his garden with others. When he opened the garden to the public in 1934, Curtis wrote: “I am bringing together all the Wild Flowers and Ferns hardy in this latitude and establishing them in natural environments where they can easily be reached and enjoyed by the interested public.”
“Although the plantings look spontaneous, most of the plants were raised from seeds cultivated at the Society’s Nasami Farm nursery and meticulously placed in the landscape.” (from the Enchanted Gardens blog)
Nestled into a hill is a fun little playground made to delight children and keep them busy building with big blocks and saplings, and exploring a hobbit tunnel and little woodland library!
The kitchen is getting some framing for walls and ceiling!
Since we don't have AC, I am thinking of installing big ceiling fans. I think it would work to have one in each spot marked by red, the larger dot for a larger fan. Then I wouldn't need a fan/light fixture over the kitchen table, but could just have a chandelier. This is the sort of thing I would rather decide when everything is completely finished, but of course the electrician needs to be able to set it up! Thoughts?
I probably won't be posting next Saturday! See you after that!
Knitting Corner
I set aside my Altheda sweater and my little airplane project of a pair of socks (don't think I've shown those to you yet) to make a little something for an impending grandchild! I will show more later! (Clearly I am not a focused knitter!)
Book Corner
Do you know about Slightly Foxed? I came across this publishing company somehow, and have been enjoying it.
The independent-minded quarterly magazine that combines good looks, good writing and a personal approach. Slightly Foxed introduces its readers to books that are no longer new and fashionable but have lasting appeal. Good-humoured, unpretentious and a bit eccentric, it’s more like having a well-read friend than a literary review magazine subscription.
The newsletter has delightful articles (I think I have shared at least one with you, on P. G. Wodehouse) and has been offering books that have fallen out of circulation but are worth rediscovering.
The nice lady there sent me a few review copies and I love that they are produced with old-fashioned care — the Letters book has a ribbon, which you know I love! The cloth covered hardback books open flat and are bound sturdily.
One of my granddaughters, Eva, snatched up Down the Bright Stream from my stack and made off with it! She wrote a little review that I think shows that she probably should have started with the first book, The Little Grey Men; but she did enjoy it. She reports, “It is about 4 gnomes… [their] home is ruined by humans. They have to flee to Ireland… Over all it is a very charming book,” though “the only part I did not like is that a once good gnome who turned bad died. I think he should have reformed.”
They have a book club for children! I have not read these books, so you will have to proceed under your own steam (and advisement).
I will say that when I wrote for review copies, I put my cards on the table:
I am wondering if you would be willing to send me review copies of anything you think would appeal to my readers, who are generally book collectors and searchers for solid content. Specifically, we are always in search of publications that are not tainted with identity politics, especially for children. It has become almost impossible to find a children's magazine or book (let alone curriculum) of any kind that is free from an agenda. My hunch is that your publications for children are old-fashioned (I don't know another way to put this — I just want books and magazines aimed at delighting and edifying the child rather than indoctrinating him). If that is correct, I would be thrilled to share them with my readers.
Mrs. Jess Dalby responded quickly, with a heartiness that encourages me, and I encourage you to see if there is anything over at Slightly Foxed's many offerings that would prove a good addition to your library!
bits & pieces
- View this “Safety School” video before showing your children, to see if you think it would be helpful. It's about being safe out and about. I'm a big believer in children running around, going to the playground and corner store on their bikes, and being free to come and go. But we also need to talk to them about street smarts and relying on their own common sense.
I think the video makes good points. I would highlight the one that encourages the child to know that a disruption that would normally be highly naughty is a good thing in an emergency. Let them know that they absolutely should go ahead and knock things off shelves, blow the horn, tip things over, and so on, if you are in danger.
I like that he makes the distinction between good and bad strangers. Children can tell that most people are not out to get them, and we want to bring them up to be open to conversations and interactions, not to feel that every person they don't know is a threat. His point that you have to listen to your own inner warnings is a good one. Children should also mostly go places at least in pairs, or with a dog!
An extremely important point to make to children, not really brought up in the video: RIGHT AWAY is the best time to resist. Bad guys are cowards and are less likely to persist with a child in public who won't let go of his bike, is screaming and yelling, and in general seems to be a poor target for his nefarious intentions. But once the child is in the car or van, the chance of things going wrong is much, much higher.
It might happen that you need to send a friend to pick your child up unexpectedly — this is where the family code word comes in handy.
Somewhere I do have a post about all this, but I can't find it right now! Your children will be fine, armed with confidence.
By the way, I would say that the current fashion to refrain from judging destroys common sense. While it's true that not every outwardly disheveled person is a criminal, as the man in the video points out, it is definitely true that there will be an indefinable something, almost always, that tips you off to keep your distance — and that something can be present in someone well groomed, though disorder is certainly a clue.
Don't teach your children to override that observation. Later, in the company of his trusted people, the child may have the opportunity to discover the person's true worth. But at the time, he has only his judgement to rely upon. Trust is earned, not bestowed, and his safety depends on it.
from the archives
Looking for a good list of books to read with your St. Greg's Pocket (or other group or friend?)? I have this one.
By the way, if you are looking to start or revive a Pocket, add me as admin on your FB group and I will help you.
liturgical living
The Nativity of St. John the Baptist — read here for how even St. Augustine was at a loss for words about the importance and meaning of this feast!
follow us everywhere! share us with your friends!
My book, The Summa Domestica: Order and Wonder in Family Life is available now from Sophia Press! All the thoughts from this blog collected into three volumes, beautifully presented with illustrations from Deirdre, an index in each volume, and ribbons!
My “random thoughts no pictures” blog, Happy Despite Them — receive it by email if you like, or bookmark, so you don’t miss a thing!
My new podcast can be found on the Restoration of Christian Culture website (and you can find it where you listen to such things) — be sure to check out the other offerings there!
Stay abreast of the posts here at LMLD, when they happen:
Consider subscribing to this blog by email. In the current situation, if we can’t meet here, it would be good for us to be connected by email!
We share pretty pictures: Auntie Leila’s Instagram, Rosie’s Instagram, Deirdre’s Instagram. Bridget’s Instagram.
Auntie Leila’s Facebook (you can just follow)
The boards of the others: Rosie’s Pinterest. Sukie’s Pinterest. Deirdre’s Pinterest. Habou’s Pinterest (you can still get a lot of inspiration here! and say a prayer for her!). Bridget’s Pinterest.
Mama Rachael says
As for ceiling fans in the kitchen. Yes, they help with cooling in the summer and warming in the winter! But be careful in the kitchen. A fan near or over the stove will mess with cooking things on the stove top. Even a vent blowing onto the stove will affect how things cook. We live in central Texas where a/c and ceiling fans are not negotiable items in a house. And it very well might be worth having a fan over the dining table… No one likes to eat when they are sweating.
Alea says
This is a concern especially if you have a gas range. I don’t have a fan, but a window that I can’t open while cooking because the breeze affects the flame.
I also recently came across slightly foxed, maybe through you, and enjoyed perusing their website.
Do you subscribe to Hearth and Field? It’s a free emailed “magazine” that is delightful to read. Maybe I found that thru you as well?
Leila says
I don’t subscribe to Hearth and Field– though it’s been mentioned before. I will look it up!
I wonder if a fan where I have indicated it will affect the stove, which is over on the wall with the door to the dining room (adjacent to the wall with the big window).
Dixie says
I’m a contributing editor at Hearth & Field, Leila. You would love it! Do come over and sign up!
And Alea, thank you–I’m so glad you find H & F delightful! I hope you have a chance to try out a Cookie Ramble this summer 😉
Alea says
It seems that is likely far enough away. Maybe consider having them on separate switches so you can run them independently.
Leila says
Thanks, much appreciated!
Alea says
Dixie – It would be interesting/funny to take my 18, 17, and 14 yo kids that are home this summer on a cookie ramble! They often think I’m crazy anyway. 🤣
Rozy says
I have a ceiling fan in my kitchen (1898 Victorian Queen Anne style home) above the work island, and one in the dining room over the table. They work quite well and are enough most of the time. (I’m weird and don’t like chandeliers hung low over the dining table.) In fact, we have them in every room that has overhead lighting.
Kessie says
Small book review commentary: I’ve recently been chewing my way through Rosemary Sutcliff’s books, which you have on your shelf there. Eagle of the Ninth is wonderful. The Silver Branch is even more wonderful. The Lantern Bearers takes all that wonderfulness and stamps on it. I wonder if the author had depression or something, because she systematically destroys everything you ever loved about the other two books. I haven’t had the nerve to read Frontier Wolf after that, but the reviews say it has a wonderful character arc but is extremely gory. The other books … no idea! I’m going to look them up. 🙂
Leila says
I have never read her! That photo is from the SF website, showing their “Cub” book club offerings.
Rebekah says
Oh my goodness, Lantern Bearers is one of my favorites! So interesting that you feel it destroys the good of the others- what in particular do you dislike about the story?
Kessie says
If you read it back to back with Eagle and Branch, you get the whole saga of the family and their farm, and there’s such hope and beauty. Lantern destroys the farm, murders the whole family, and every time the hero starts to heal, the plot makes sure that he doesn’t. You have to get all the way to the end before there’s any redemption. Compared to the wonderful stories of Eagle and Branch, it’s just not even the same sort of book. Lantern on its own would be an okay book, but read as a part of a series, it’s a huge slap in the face.
Rebekah says
Yes, I agree that the tone is very different. I first read the trilogy in middle school and just thought Lantern Bearers was…dark? Boring? Rereading as an adult I was gripped with the beauty & pain & slow redemption. But I am not sure if they were truly intended as a trilogy…as you note, the first two hang together much differently than the third.
Pam says
Have read & loved these books for many years. They are historical, which is why i like them. Also, she keeps following families, some are beautiful but some are tragic. I always thought they showed the tapestry of life, good & bad.
Diana says
Rosemary Sutcliff is the best! And I love that series of hers!!
a.d. says
Ceiling Fans- Yes, like Rachel, we are in central TX. The only room that does not have a ceiling fan is the kitchen- and it is small. Every other room has the fan going anytime a person is in it. (Note- ceiling fans only work when you are in the room. So turn it off if you’re not going to be in there. It cools your sweaty body, not the actual temp, and there is no reason to run the electricity if you don’t have to).
I have an a/c vent over my island, and it blows on whatever is on it. I do not like that- who knows what kind of mold, dust, or whatever is there, blowing on my food. Or on the dishes i have just washed. I also have a gas range, and yes, if i ever have the windows/door open, it will affect how the flame is burning on the range. I definitely would not put a fan over an island or the range. I WOULD put it over the kitchen sink. I don’t think i would put it over the table. The food gets cold quick enough without the air blowing it off faster. And we don’t sit there very long. We change over conversation to the living room, which is roomier with more comfortable chairs. If you are inclined to linger at the table, it may be a good idea- but not when you’re just setting the food on the table.
Hope this helps.
Also, please note- in winter, you can switch your fans around, and blow the warm air downward. Please make sure you dust the fan just before you click it over to start blowing down. You only have to forget once to make sure you never do it again.
Also, one more note- if you have a gas range in the kitchen, your fan will pick up the greasy dust, and will have to be wiped more often than other fans in the other rooms. All fans will pick up the static electricity in the dust, and it will cling to one edge of each fan blade, but one in the kitchen would be especially greasy/grimy. Other fans i usually dust every 2 or 3 weeks, but i’d make sure one in a kitchen with gas got it every week. Build up would be nasty.
Leila says
I am all over the general ceiling fan issue! I am one hundred percent pro ceiling fans! I wrote about it here:https://likemotherlikedaughter.org/2010/06/living-without-ac-and-liking-it/
And in my companion post about keeping the house warm, I talk about reversing the fan — your recommendation to dust is a good one! https://likemotherlikedaughter.org/2015/09/ask-auntie-leila-getting-the-house-ready-and-warm-for-winter/
I like your points about AC vents over the food (I don’t have AC) and cleaning the kitchen fans.
Because I don’t have AC, in summer we use the fan over the table (when we are not outside), but if it’s really hot and I’m working to prep food for canning, for instance, I end up bringing in a stand fan to point directly at myself at the sink.
Until now I’ve had an all-electric stove, so didn’t think of the gas flame/fanning air issue that you and others brought up. Hmm…
Alyssa Will says
I can speak for the Rosemary Sutcliff books, they are excellent – though definitely not for small children, more like twelve and up.
Meghan says
I have a gas stove and a ceiling fan in my kitchen. I do not have any issues with the fan impacting the flames, but I have a high ceiling. I also don’t have an issue with the kitchen ceiling fan being dirtier than any other fan, but maybe that’s due to the high ceiling as well.
Leila says
My ceiling is going to be higher than it was, so maybe this will be the case for me! Thanks!
Rebecca says
Around what age would you allow a responsible child to “come and go”? My daughter is 6, we live in a safe small town, and I see many of my neighbors giving their children of the same age permission to be outside unsupervised on the street/running between houses. I would feel more comfortable with a sibling as you mentioned, but next in line is only 4.
I grew up in a home where we were never allowed out without direct adult supervision, so this is new to me.
Leila says
The neighborhood kids are the safety net. The companion does not have to be a sibling — I am an only child. My younger years were in a small city and my mom would always remind me to stay with the group (though when I was a young teen, I did ride my bike downtown by myself).
You have to set some rules, and for a 6 yo you need to go over them with her by walking to the exact intersection you are telling her not to venture beyond until she is older. “See this tree and these signs? This is Maple St. and this is Main St. You can’t go further than this. If your friends go, you have to turn around and come home. Do you understand that?” Show her how to cross a street safely if there are little roads you are okay with her crossing. Walk with her and point things out. Make a mental note of houses where you know there is a retired couple or another family you know, and mention it to her –“You can always run around to their back door and talk to them if you need to.”
Talk about how we don’t go into others’ houses without permission. The idea is to be outside. Watch the video and talk to her about awareness and readiness to flee. Have a big bell that you can ring for her to come back. If she has particular friends who are running in and out of each others’ houses, then talk to their parents and make a plan with them — “If the kids will be inside longer than to get a drink/go to the bathroom, just have her give me a call/run back to tell me and we’re good. I will do the same for you.” We do want to know if our kid is inside a friend’s house, just so we know where she is! If you think they will go in to play video games, then just make the rule — “come home for a drink/bathroom – no going inside others’ houses, period.”
I would let my 6 yo run with the neighborhood kids, but remember — you have to obey your own spidey sense!
Susan (MD) says
I would be cautious, though. In my opinion, six is young. With neighborhood kids, OUTSIDE, near your house. I personally wouldn’t allow my daughter (or son) to go INTO neighbors’ houses unless you KNOW FOR SURE they are okay. A friend’s daughter was m*lested by the “nice older gentleman” (I believe he DID have a wife, too — not SURE of that) who lived right next door. They had NO IDEA. Honestly, better safe than sorry. My opinion, as a mama of eight ranging now from 20 to 41.
Catie H says
This is my children’s childhood! We live in a neighborhood in Philadelphia with many big Catholic families, and the kids are outside all day long in fair weather. Long ago the moms made a pact, “no playing inside!” It works very well.
Sara-Louise says
Auntie Leila’s advice is great! I have a four year old and a two year old and we live across the street from a family with a little baby and a six year old. Her family let their six year old play on the cul de sac by herself and it’s a great boon for our family life lol! The little girl knows she has to stay within the cul de sac and sometimes her parents will say she can come visit with us for 5 minutes or half an hour or just come and say hello and go back and she seems to understand all that well. There are lots of kind grandparents on our street who kind of keep an eye out for kids. It’s lovely for my girls and me that there’s another child to play with and she enjoys it too as her baby sister is too little to play with. Like you I never went out without direct adult supervision but I see from this little girl that she really is fine in her circumstances and there are so many benefits to her and to family life. They’re an Egyptian family and I’ve learned a lot from their approach to raising children which makes me think of dear Auntie Leila!
Liz says
If you like Wodehouse, have you tried Trollope. I just discovered him last year and found truly enjoyable.
Leila says
Oh yes, huge Trollope fans here!
Iris says
I completely agree: Trollope is hilarious.
Blayne says
Inquiring minds want to know who makes the skirt you’re wearing in the first picture? I love a button front skirt!
Ma says
Auntie Leila, re: your latest podcast on teaching what is beautiful — perhaps you would enjoy a new book by Joshua Gibbs, “Love what Lasts.” It reminded me of so many things you said. I think you would enjoy it.
https://circeinstitute.org/product/love-what-lasts/
Leila says
Thanks for the recommendation!
Jo says
Hello Leila! I love the idea of fans in the kitchen but I had ours removed in our galley kitchen some time ago ☹️ it became so grimy and impossible to clean . Impossible ! But I do think you need one … perhaps away from the cooking area and closer to the eating area?
The Sarah Plain and Tall series of books is a great read loud or together for 3rd grade – 6th grade . I thought it was really a sweet no saccharine series .
Leila says
Oh yes I love Sarah Plain and Tall!
I did have a fan/light fixture over the table. I just also had to bring in a stand fan for my work area. So I am trying to figure out how to rationalize that issue!
Dixie says
I have had this conversation with the older kids — the one about making a scene if you feel unsafe — and one of the things I tell them over and over is, “You will never be in trouble with me and Papa if it turns out your judgment was mistaken. I will never be mad at you about this.” My kids worry about being rude and so it has to be clear that not only should the be rude when they feel they need to protect themselves, but they will not get in trouble if the person was harmless and complains or whatever.
And then you have to hold up your end of this bargain.
The big problem is indeed that there aren’t enough kids doing things independently, so the kids who do stick out. They’re not protected by the big group. Pairs is a very good idea, as is doing things in places where there are lots of acquaintances. I.e they don’t go in alone to the gas station on a road trip but they can go in alone to the corner store where Miss Susie the cashier knows them and knows you.
Jo says
I forgot to add … I always told my children if someone tells you to get into their car or go with them you scream and kick and make a huge noise to attract attention , not a time to be obedient even if they say they will harm you , ignore them . Because if you get into the car or go with them without a fuss , you will be harmed . ☹️ I was very Frank about this ..
Of course.. now it’s not the kidnapper who is the obvious stranger danger but it’s the person of trust , the family friend , the mentor , and heaven forbid a family member , that is the greatest danger with the most access …
Thank you for such great topics !
Annie says
Leila mentioned this in the post, but hopefully you know about and have implemented a family code word! I remember my mom doing this for us, telling us the code word and instructing us to ask for the code word if ever a family friend, neighbor, whoever showed up at school claiming to be the one to pick us up that day. If they don’t have the code word, don’t go with them!
Leila says
This is what I think the video leaves out: your best chance of escaping danger or even never getting into it is RIGHT AT THE BEGINNING. Not getting close to the car — they can shout their question if they really don’t know which way to turn. If someone grabs you, put up all the resistance RIGHT AWAY.
If it’s anyone at all, even someone you know, it’s fine to say “don’t do that” if they are getting too close etc. I do think the best defense is confident self-awareness.
We are so intent on getting our kids to be respectful and obedient — we have to remember to leave them free to preserve themselves from danger.
Mrs. T says
Auntie Leila, I’m all about children playing outside, but how do you handle this in the winter?
Dixie says
Mrs. T, this is a question very close to my heart.
It’s all about the clothes. You just need to commit to getting them very warm and waterproof clothing, and then requiring them to go outside. Lands End has big sales on their very warm coats and you can get $150 coats for $40 or so and pass them down through multiple kids. Warm boots. And put them in snow pants (snow overalls are even better) even if there’s no snow and they will stay very warm on a below-freezing day. Rain pants and raincoats in the rain!
And then the attitude. Try never to say “no, you can’t play outside/we can’t go out, it’s too wet/hot/cold.” Always, “sure. Let’s get you dressed properly.”
Hot chocolate helps, too! As do getting other families on board to join your kids! Kids who are truly warm will play outside happily if you can make ’em go out in the first place.
Linda Akeson McGuirk wrote a wonderful book on this called “There’s No Such Thing As Bad Weather.”
There are also tricks; we have an outdoor play group during the winter that helps a lot. This technique has also been a big success for us in the winter: https://hearthandfield.com/how-and-why-to-take-a-cookie-ramble/
Walks in general are also great (https://hearthandfield.com/winter-wonder/). But seriously, dress them (and yourself) like Eskimos.
Michelle says
Great ideas! I think I should look for rain pants! Where do you find those?
Another trick I heard, maybe from Auntie Leila, is that it takes kids up to 45 minutes to figure out what to do and push through the boredom.
I used to send my kids out for fifteen or twenty at a time hoping they’d start playing and stay longer, but inevitably they’d be clawing at the door to get back in. Once I realized they just needed extended time outside it helped immensely. Now they eagerly head out on their own in all weather.
Also, we don’t let them play indoors with neighbors, so that gets them outside. And I love outside so much that for the younger ones, if they’re outside, they don’t have to do school;)
Leila says
Yes, good point about really giving them time to “give up” on you and your commitment to keep them from ever being bored! 🙂
Leila says
Mrs. T — I have this post about dressing warmly in winter:
https://likemotherlikedaughter.org/2010/10/how-to-dress-your-child-in-colder/
And this follow-up: https://likemotherlikedaughter.org/2010/10/tuck-it-in/
Children do get warm if they are active outside, so you don’t want to overdress them. The key is for their core to be warm with light layers and for their feet to be dry!
I can remember going to the sledding hill by myself — it was a few blocks away from my house. Remember, I am an only child! Sometimes now I think about the times my kids were conked on the head sledding, and wonder who would have helped me in such a case, but it all worked out.
Kids can also shoulder a shovel and go clear a neighbor’s steps and driveway. They don’t need you to be there, once you have shown them the right way to do it at your own house (Dad can certainly be in charge of this!).
They will find something fun to do along the way, or on the way back!
Dixie says
You can get rain pants at places like Lands End or on Amazon. I just get them in neutral colors and then pass them down from kid to kid.
Catie H says
We have fans in our kitchen as well (no AC). In hindsight, I wish had set it back a tad more from the stove because I do turn it off occasionally when cooking on the front burners. I’m going to guess it’s 3 feet back, but I will check.
Not having AC, a ceiling fan VERY CLOSE to where you eat the meal when inside is a huge gift (as you know). Maybe ask your electrician to make your chandelier connection able to account for a small ceiling fan if you ever miss it enough to switch.
Leila says
Yes, he has done that! Check and check!