No news on the kitchen doings.
Confidential to those in the comments* warning of going over to all open shelving: “unfitted kitchen” does not necessarily mean all open shelving, and I personally don't want everything I have to be on display. The design is more about furniture-like storage than uniform cabinetry.
*for some reason I cannot figure out, I can only respond to comments on my own blog — I cannot just leave a comment! I wish my technical support would deal with this!
But remember (and look at the photos!), I have had some open shelves for all these years (it was Rosie who suggested leaving some doors off of the cabinets after she painted them; it would never have occurred to me!).
I have not really had any more than usual trouble with greasy items, and I do clean the open and closed shelves at the same basic rate (probably not enough on either account!). So I have lived with it already. I do want to keep and expand on the open shelving. But certainly not all, that would be stressful. I for one cannot be one of those ladies who keeps all her dry goods in uniform containers!
I think a lot has to do with where you live, don't you?
We had our first light frost and I brought in some annuals and herbs to nurse through the winter. As I have said before, I'm not an indoor plant lady, and so far I have not found any real love in my heart for regular indoor plants, which I don't relish changing because do I really need something else to spend my money on?
But it does make sense to me to try to overwinter the potted plants I love outside — at least a few of them — and maybe even make cuttings from them in the spring. I do have little southern light so it's a real challenge for me! But I did okay last year so I will try again, and add herbs this year.
Thanks for all the nursing help in the last post! My young friend is staunchly marching along (in the most comfy, pillowed, resting way possible) with the breastfeeding challenges. She is reading every comment and appreciating all the advice! It's so wonderful that you are all so generous.
Auntie Leila says, after seeing one too many clip of a distracted child (whom no one may really identify as distracted, so she feels compelled to weigh in here):
Does your child, boy or girl, continually push hair out of his or her face? Give your boys a haircut. Brush and braid or otherwise secure your girls' hair.
It takes energy to learn, to grow, to think, to be! Let's not waste that energy pushing our hair out of our eyes (yes this goes for adults too — do you constantly push one lock of hair out of the way or fiddle with your bangs? let's deal with it).
It's for their good, so yes, you can insist on it. Children being obedient in little things like submitting to a haircut and standing still to be brushed and braided and hair-clipped helps them to be obedient later in much more difficult matters, also for their own good. Learning self control is much easier when you are 8, trust me. And teaching self control to an 8-year-old is much easier too.
Bonus: you will have more patience with and look more kindly upon a groomed child than with a scruffy, unkempt one whose eyes you can't even really see, so give yourself a little help in that area by remediating this issue.
The Halloween wars continue…
Having finessed the “dressing up as bad imaginary characters” issue (which I have no problem with on a certain very mild level but that's a discussion for another time), I guess some Catholics are questioning whether dressing as saints for All Saints is “cultural appropriation” (whatever that is — I wonder if these same gringos have “taco Tuesday” but I digress).
This is not the only argument for abandonment of common sense, of course, as I see news of objections to using farm animals in live Christmas nativities (insert eye roll), but I notice that they all share in one result, which is the ratcheting up of dreariness, not least in the general atmosphere of suspicion of neighbor.
Another query for you:
My husband needs a web designer for his Center for the Restoration of Christian Culture site. If you go there you will see that it looks pretty nice but has some issues. He's flat-out with some other projects and would appreciate someone just knowing what to do and magically (but with due recompense) fixing it (after consultation of course, he doesn't expect anyone to read his mind). You can message me privately at the email provided on the sidebar if you have a real lead (I figure that finding the email is a good first test of competence!).
bits & pieces
- Kenneth Williams on accents — very funny!
- If you are on Twitter, follow this Pattern Language account.
- Tony Esolen's substack has good resources for poetry and song, and my friend Erin particularly enjoyed and sent me this one on the naming of cats and dogs.
- Erin's son recited the poem Who Would True Valour See (their homeschooling group has a poetry day — does yours? A great incentive for memorization and public speaking!) and she likes this setting, to the tune of Monksgate, for singing it; seems a little tricky to me but I bet with practice, everyone could master it!
- My son, Joseph, who writes on economics and is an editor at the Washington Examiner, recommends this article on crypto as the one to read. Which I haven't yet. But will.
- I hope to do a podcast about “chastity ministry” next week, but in the meantime, I just encourage you to read this thorough and insightful document, which includes a careful expression of the inviolability of parents' duties and rights: The Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality
from the archives
- I incorporated that human sexuality document in my own article about sex education (including in the Church), later also a chapter in my book The Summa Domestica.
- Now the semester is in full swing. Choices have been made in the optimism and energy of the beginning of fall. Now is a good time to assess how it's going. Our kids are stressed out.
liturgical living
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My book, The Summa Domestica: Order and Wonder in Family Life is available now from Sophia Press! All the thoughts from this blog collected into three volumes, beautifully presented with illustrations from Deirdre, an index in each volume, and ribbons!
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Brila says
The Monks Gate version was a regular English school assembly hymn – it did bring back memories! We stopped singing it after it featured in the film Clockwise. Also stopped singing Jerusalem as Headteacher was called Mr Mills. Two lovely old hymns that I cherish all the more for their ridiculous suppression!
Noel Miller says
I laughed out loud at the taco Tuesday part! Also my husband owns a web and graphic design business. I sent you an email with his info!
Carol says
Tried….to read the crypto article but alas could not keep my mind “open” enough to take it all in…not too sure I care now 😉😅
Leila says
I will concentrate on it… later LOL
Diana says
Your comments on dressing up, and the absurdity of the “cultural appropriation! cultural appropriation!” mantra are so on-target. Sometimes these things make you not know whether to cry or laugh.
I wonder if you have you listened to Pints with Aquinas? I enjoy his long-form shows so very much. (Your comments made me think of the show, which often deals with worldview/culture/state-of-the-church issues.)
Thank you for your article! I look for it every Saturday!
Katie says
I binge-watch PwA while I work on certain mind-numbing tasks. I love that Matt Fradd takes as much time as his guests want/need to really dig into the topics discussed. I was thinking just the other day that an Auntie Leila episode on the family/culture/education would be fantastic.
Margaret says
Dear Auntie Leila,
After reading “Little Pilgrims Progress” aloud to my children a couple years ago we committed Bunyan’s “Who Would True Valour See” to memory. My favourite online version – a very distinct rendition – is this one: https://youtu.be/5yHJMPw8RHU We were delighted to discover “Dangerous Journey: The Story of Pilgrim’s Progress,” another excellent resource for younger children (and mothers!).
How beautifully Bunyan thrusts defeat into the face of the Lord’s enemies (and aren’t we now surrounded by hobgoblins!) while pointing the believer to his eschatological goal: we shall life inherit. “Beloved, now we are the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be; but we know that when he shall appear we shall be like him for we shall see him as he is.”
My father is an Englishman and a former member of the C of E and, as his daughter, certain Anglican hymns stir up my English blood. This version found in C of E hymnals was sung at Margaret Thatcher’s funeral: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5a0otP1BWlU Hard to watch it and keep a dry eye, both due to the disarming beauty of music done well and due to woefully widespread apostasy in England. May God in His mercy cause a revival in the church in England.
And, yes, aren’t T. S. Eliot’s cat poems delightful? “Macavity” is a favourite of mine. I’m thrilled that you mentioned Bunyan and Eliot. Please share the occasional gem on your favourite poems!
Margaret
Leila says
Thanks for the extra resources! The C of E hymns are a treasure of melody, poetry, and catechesis! Because of the King James Bible! (Which is why I continue to insist that Catholics use that version often, especially in connection with education — our patrimony too! Our culture too as English speakers!)
I didn’t follow much of the funeral events of the Queen (much less of Margaret Thatcher), which equally or even more displayed the familiar paradox of the beauty of the ritual combined with the apostasy of the religion. We do indeed need to pray for a mutual enrichment!
I love the first version of the Who Would True Valour See for its “folk” (real folk, not ersatz) quality. Normally I shy away from a shouty sort of rendition, but that one has an authentic quality. I can imagine all ages around the campfire, with fiddles and drums, belting it out!
Emily says
I hear you on having some open shelving! I for sure just think it needs to be strategic. For example, I have 2 spots where I usually use my InstantPot. The pressure release shoots up grease and grime to those areas, so those are the spots that I would avoid open shelving for myself because they are directly in the line of fire. Similarly it happens right above my stovetop/oven where all the moisture comes out and up- things just get yucky. Above the fridge, however is my prime open storage. So I think just understand the conditions of our own kitchens go so far in making these decisions, as you mentioned! Especially for those of us who deal with excessive humidity of climate on top of artificially produced kitchen humidity.
Mary Keane says
On grease on open shelving. In my new kitchen we now have a hood that vents to the outside. I do wish it could be quieter, but it’s very effective at sucking up all the greasy grimies and shooting them outside. My kids know when dinner is cooking because they can smell it in the backyard! We had no venting before, and yes, greasy dust in everything. I also no longer have cooking smells in my bedroom.
Mrs. Bee says
If you want to see a truly charming English kitchen – old-fashioned, but full of the unexpected – read this piece about Quinlan Terry’s own house: https://bibleofbritishtaste.com/morality-and-architecture-belonging-and-belief-quinlan-and-christine-terry-at-home-and-work-in-suffolk
Terry is the dean of British new classical architects, a very interesting man – the whole article is a pleasure to read, you get to meet some very unusual people. The idea that the whole family simply had fun decorating and painting is just so enchanting! Now to pull off a kitchen like that, first of all you need the right house, of course – not everyone can do it, and not everyone will like it or want to do it the same way. But it’s undeniable that the coziness factor is through the roof, and one gets very clearly that wonderfully warm feeling that this is a very private room, where the family lives very intimate moments all together. It’s the antithesis of “the kitchen is for entertaining” idea, the kitchen as part of the public areas of a home – I’m not convinced, I very much prefer the quiet privacy of the Terry kitchen… even if it’s something I can’t really have in my own house.
Rebecca says
You make a good point about the kitchen and entertaining, it’s such a hard working room that it’s rarely perfectly clean if the family cooks at home. In my family home cooked food is a big part of both everyday life and entertaining, which means that the kitchen constantly needs something washed, wiped, or put away. Wouldn’t it be more restful if we could close the door when company shows up or take Sunday dinner to the dining room? The cleaning much be done of course but sometimes it can’t be done just that minute.
But alas the open concept is so prevalent now its hard to find a house with anything else or to change it even if you could afford to.
Kim F. says
My dream kitchen is one with doors! To close it off from the rest of the house. When I sit down to dinner with guests the last thing I want to see is my messy kitchen. I detest open concept houses and unfortunately live in one!
Leila says
One question contractors keep asking me is if I would want to open the kitchen up to the dining room and/or remove the door.
Absolutely not!
First, the DR floor is unique and unrepeatable.
Second, when the kids are rampaging around, it’s bliss to shut the doors to the hall and the kitchen! Adults can visit in peace!
Third, I can keep the kitchen warm with my wood burning stove by shutting the doors!
And of course, as you say, close off the mess!
Annie says
For my first 18 months of motherhood, we lived in a segmented old house (not the original kitchen, for sure, but separated from the dining room by a butlers pantry and at the very opposite side of the house from our living room!). Since then we’ve moved to an open concept house where the kitchen is visible from everywhere, even our upstairs play room… in some ways it is fine in that I can keep an eye on the toddlers while I cook or clean, on the other hand I literally have nowhere to escape to! I used to love fleeing to the kitchen to listen to music or a podcast while I got some chores done!
Jen A says
Can you please give us a picture of all your bookshelves or a closer look at the next to the curing squash? I need to be inspired to have all the bookshelves in all the places in our new to us house with no built in anything!
Leila says
Oh yes, I will!
Jeanne says
On children being obedient in little things… Does this advice relate to toddlers and older babies? I am expecting my first child soon and have been searching for a second-hand playpen since you and other older parenting books recommend it. However, the mothers I know have told me either that playpens are either A) a waste of money and impossible to use because their babies and toddlers dislike them, or B) will stunt your baby’s development. Here I was, thinking a playpen would help me keep baby safe for a short time every day, so I can get the cooking or ironing done. However, now I am concerned that it may be an expense I regret because I cannot use it. Do you think a playpen is one of those things that you can insist on obedience in the little things, or should I accept that it’s not that important and may be impossible to use if the baby dislikes it?
Leila says
Here’s what I found super helpful, especially with older kids and a 2-3 yo rampaging around: the advice given by the pediatrician, an older woman, to make use of a playpen for 1/2 hour in the morning and 1/2 in the late afternoon. That 6-18 mo can just be plunked in there with favorite toys while you do a few things.
What happens often is that the 2-3 yo gets in and the 8 yo takes the baby out and plays with him — that works too.
I also recommend a stroller outing once a day. Having a baby (4-24 mo) strapped in and looking around is just a good break. (I don’t like the kind where baby can’t really see anything.)
When baby can sit up well and is eating some table food, sometimes 1/2 hour in the late afternoon in the high chair with a hearty snack or some playdo is another “restrained activity” time. With the added advantage that he eats his supper before everyone else and consequently is not melting down at your supper.
For the first child, the playpen is not as important (depending — if the 7 mo is a crazy monkey you might go for it). It was more handy for the situation where I would put my older baby down to be busy while I made supper, he’d whimper, and “helpful” older children would bring him to me to be comforted! How to get anything done! But in the playpen, he would play just fine (after perhaps an initial fussy time before it became a habit for all of us — so yes, the “dislike” thing is something you have to overcome if having that 1/2 hour is important to you — and many moms do not think that they can insist on a certain situation, but I say, it’s up to you!) — often with a sibling in there to keep him company.
You can always get one when you see that it would be helpful. You really don’t need it until he’s mobile!
Jeanne says
Thank you so much, Auntie Leila! This helps.
Anamaria says
Ideas for “immediate consequences” for toddlers that are less physical for mom? My husband went back to work today after our 5th baby and my body is not healing as quickly as it used too. My three year old pushed the boundaries and time in his old crib (upstairs) or a spank are the usual things we do when he says “I don’t want to” or “no” (he is very stubborn- once it’s no, it’s no for a long time). I tried those things today, thinking it was important to set the tone of swift consequences after dad was back at work- but my body suffered, my healing was set back. The baby was born 17 days ago. The older kids know they dad will deal with any issues when he gets home but the 3 year old doesn’t get it. Thanks
Leila says
This is really hard. I’m sorry!
I think that you can be very, very selective in your requirements for him. Nothing terrible will happen if you basically overlook most things. (This is my advice anyway. Power struggles with 3yos are not great! And they don’t remember anything.)
Meanwhile, get the two oldest to understand that they are the “emergency response team” and that together, can be on call and on alert; they must deploy instantly at your command to pull him away from actual danger to himself, others, or the world, and bring him to you. They can be deputized to use whatever force is necessary. Such are the consequences!
Desperate times call for desperate measures!
Prayers!
Whitney says
Do you have advice on creating a *Catholic* culture at home? My husband and I are adult converts and wondering how to get our two year old involved in a family rosary. We have included some prayers (our father, hail Mary, a prayer for the saint he was named after) in his bedtime routine since he was a newborn, but his toddler ways are now making prayer time look like an exorcism.
RH says
I strongly recommend Leila’s book The Little Oratory for these questions, as well as the rest of the blog and/or her books.
For right now (and I say this as a badly catechized Catholic revert married to a convert expecting her 7th, who has been spotty on the family prayers), I would suggest focusing on your own spiritual life and what you share with your husband. Read the Bible, memorize the prayers, find the recipes you like for all the feasts, live the liturgical year as fully as possible, and more deeply each year. The liturgical year is the key to a truly Catholic culture.
The lesson that keeps getting beaten into me as my kids get older, is that you can not give what you don’t have. Your child is so far from the age of reason, that teaching is mostly by atmosphere and example and not by direction. Not that a prayer at bedtime, or whatever you’re doing is bad, but it’s so easy to focus on “teaching” as if it were all about telling – it can be a temptation away from the life you need to build (ask me how I know, sigh). Develop your own spiritual and prayer life, commit to things and build habits now.
Auntie Leila often gives advice along the lines of – straighten yourself out first, pray about your challenge, talk with your husband, and execute with energy. I’ve seen this pattern in everything from table manners to prayer.
Grete says
Hi Whitney,
Mind if I jump in? I’m a mama of 9. My advice would be setting low expectations for prayer time with a two year old. You know how long your child can be still, depending on the time of day, etc. Can he be still while you pray a rosary? Maybe, maybe not.
Could mom and dad pray while toddler is allowed to wiggle and hold his durable rosary?
Grete
Leila says
Do I ever! Welcome to the blog!
Start here: http://likemotherlikedaughter.org/2011/09/beginning-a-simple-prayer-life-with-children/
My books The Little Oratory and The Summa Domestica are all about this! The most important step: set up your own little prayer place (the first book tells you how to do this in a traditional way) and don’t worry about your little one beyond what I recommend in that article for now. It will all come when you and your husband pray together!
Michelle says
From my experience as the oldest of 11 and now mother to 4, family Rosary is always a challenge. I find with my kids, all under 7, one decade is as much as they can handle (usually while coloring appropriate coloring books). I find myself mostly praying over them. But I figure try to build the habit now and they will pick it up eventually. A few of my Mom’s strategies:1. Carpet sample squares from our local carpet store. Everyone had their own to kneel (sit, stand on their head, somersault) on. They had to stay on it. 2. Religious themed puzzles the 2-6 year olds could build after 2 decades of staying on said carpets. 3. Say the Rosary in the car. At least everyone is sitting still. 4. Rosary walks: evangelize the neighborhood while you are at it!
Funniest memory: my sister (6th child) at 2 years old, marching around the coffee table as we prayed, singing the Imperial March (star wars) in her childish soprano😂
Leah says
Hi Auntie Leila!
I’m relieved to hear about your resistance to houseplants. I often feel like I ought to have them but…..just can’t seem to figure out how I would make it work and then I decide it’s not worth my mental energy anyway.
I’m so thankful for Summa Domestica! Wanted to send it to someone as a gift and I see they are out of stock at Amazon. Do you know if/when they will be back in stock there? God bless you.
Leila says
Thank you!
It will be out in hard cover later in the month, I hope. For now it’s available in paperback! https://www.sophiainstitute.com/products/item/the-summa-domestica-3-volume-paperback-set
Athena says
Just wondering if you switched the stove and refrigerator locations (if the refrigerator wouldn’t block the entrance in the same way as the former brick column) then left the new stove corner under the counter open like in Amelie’s instagram photos in the previous thread, a rolling cart or buckets on casters could go under there for flour storage or something similar. There is a picture in your previous post with a stove at the corner and an open shelf, very lovely. Then if the island was put on casters it could be a movable work surface (roll it over to the stove to hold the pancake batter bowl for example) as well as be inched out if the way to improve the walkthrough pathway, or throw a tablecloth over it and roll it against the wall under the plate rack?
Open shelves up above are awesome for things you use often, alas my real dream is to have only drawers in the lower cabinets. I have a project saved somewhere in which a woman used her cabinet doors, turned 90 degrees, as drawer fronts for slide out shelves that she constructed, it seemed very affordable type of project for a handy person.
And if you haven’t seen the painted and/or wallpapered refrigerators on Pinterest, well my dear that is a rabbit hole that you’ll need to fall in posthaste 😂
Leila says
Yes, the plan is to switch those appliances! I hope to show my sketch soon.
Drawers are earnestly to be desired! And yes, I have at least one tutorial pinned, on “paneling” a fridge, but I’m not ever going to paint one! (Famous last words?!?) And I honestly don’t mind a regular fridge if it’s not absolutely blocking everyone’s way. I think that some of the trends are amazing (like paneled appliances) but can inspire/instigate longings that are out of one’s price range. Trying to resist that!
You might be interested to know that my island is *already* on wheels! You can’t see them, but they are there. And I actually love this feature because sometimes I want a couple of inches one way or another, and it makes a big difference to how the kitchen works depending on how many are in it. So I am resistant to builder attempts to fix the island in place and/or make it bigger.
I have moved it right over to where the shelf is next to the table. It’s great to do that when there is a big party. However, I want to have a large hutch there (large but shallow). So we might not be able to do that once that’s in. The upside is that I will have a place to move certain functions (toasting, tea-making) out of my kitchen-task path.
There are always compromises. I am very blessed to have the features I do have in this otherwise rather tricky space!
Leila says
By the way, Athena, good work having the idea of switching, that *I did not have for 23 years* and needed the kitchen designer to draw out for me!!
But I am *fully qualified* to tell everyone else what to do with their kitchens LOL
Athena says
Oh honey, no doubt, what with raising and educating and shepherding your children, making a home while your husband battled out in the world, prolifically teaching and sharing with your grateful readers, authoring multiple books, growing and preserving food, fixing and painting and knitting, and the million other things that I’m leaving out…..kitchen designer slipped through the cracks 😊
I’ve had kitchens on the brain ever since we bought this house in 2007, and only recently decided moving the refrigerator and switching the bar thing to the other side of the room would solve some flow issues. My husband’s face blanched when I told him what I want to do. Just wait until he hears that I want to get rid of the stove top and replace it with a bank of electrical outlets and Corning hot plates 😂😂
Libby says
I’m so behind on my blogs!
I’ve always been partial to Maddy Prior’s recording of Who Would True Valour See — having just one voice also makes it less intimidating to learn, at least for me. 🙂 (So glad to have the many-voices version to listen/aspire to, though!)