Lent is coming and with it thoughts of renewing the spiritual life, if only from the various things that pop up in our feed. What I have to say applies to men and women, but especially to women… because I think we can safely say that we women are very susceptible to comparing ourselves to others and to motivational ideas that might be harmful, alas.
So I'm just going to throw out a few points that I hope are helpful as we vaguely begin to sense the eventual arrival of the upcoming penitential season.
A Rule of Life means the things you try to live by, daily, weekly, and in general, in order to grow in virtue — which simply means to have the life of Christ within, because He is good and virtue is goodness. On our own we can't do it, and we certainly can't do it if we never make a plan.
But it has to be our plan. One rule of life doesn't look like another (unless you live in the convent, which I'm thinking you do not). Except for this: we must all follow the 10 Commandments, for the Lord Himself said, “If ye love Me, keep My Commandments.” It's wise to have a copy of the Commandments at hand and to consult it periodically, especially before Confession. And somehow, we must quietly pray!
When someone online or in a book or what have you tells about their Rule of Life, that's fine… but it does not mean it should be yours. You can ask a good priest or a trusted older friend if a good priest is not to be found. If it makes you have trouble breathing, for instance, to think about praying 30 minutes each day as is often recommended, consider praying for five — and not at a set time but instead, before a set time.
So, instead of saying “I'll pray at 8:30,” which you won't, because no sooner does mom say she'll do something at a certain time than a child will start up some bodily process that captures her attention, and for good reason — say “I'll pray for 5 minutes at some point before 10 am,” for example. By 9:30 you will realize it's now or never, and it will happen. It's better to pray in the silence of your heart for 5 minutes than to not pray for 30 minutes and feel guilty about it. The truth is that when you are ready and circumstances permit, you will lengthen the time without too much turmoil.
If the Rule of Life that someone else is following allows her only a handful of hours of sleep a day (and I recently saw this), I can assure you that this rule is not for you. Without knowing you at all, I can guarantee you that it's not for you! If you attempt it, you will have a spiritual crisis and the Dark Night of the Soul will look like a tea party at the Ritz compared to what you will endure. Your children will appear to be the spawn of some force determined to steal your sanity and your husband will be at a loss as to how to restore it, because few people ever really zero in on, “You know what, you need more sleep” and yet, Dear Reader, that is the answer.
In fact, I would say that getting more sleep is a sacred duty and should be the cornerstone of the Rule of Life, and that includes taking a nap during rest time. In general, today's woman is burning her candles at both ends and maybe setting the middle on fire too, and it shows.
One of the very best guides to sorting all this out is Introduction to the Devout Life by St. Francis de Sales — a book that that shows I'm not making things up (more than I can say for some of the ideas that are bombarding me on all sides as Lent approaches).
Religious life is what it is, and it is a very great sacrifice and discipline. Family life has its own challenges and St. Francis calls it “ridiculous” to expect someone engaged in the latter to meet the austerity of the former. It can lead to pride and general misery as well, to impose on oneself a Rule that is not suited to one's state of life. Just a warning!
As to giving things up, we should definitely give up the usual things — don't let anyone mock giving up chocolate, because it has the virtue of being a definite, knowable penance, whereas “becoming a better person” is not. But some areas where we can discipline ourselves to grow in virtue (eg patience, kindness, etc.) while accepting the impositions of life with children would be to take the job at hand one step further than our indulgence would suggest, or even finish it; waiting until we've cleaned up the kitchen to move on to another activity; looking up at a person entering the room and maybe even lovingly saying his name; not taking the phone to bed. Just some ideas! You will know the sort of thing you should focus on when you ask God about it.
I always say to go to the spiritual masters of old (not to Instagram influencers), and so I will leave you with the beautifully calm and simple advice of that great ascetic, St. John Henry Newman, on perfection — spoiler: it doesn't involve becoming a Dynamic Catholic or anything of the sort!
“It is the saying of holy men that, if we wish to be perfect, we have nothing more to do than to perform the ordinary duties of the day well. A short road to perfection-short, not because easy, but because pertinent and intelligible. There are no short ways to perfection, but there are sure ones.
“I think this is an instruction which may be of great practical use to persons like ourselves. It is easy to have vague ideas what perfection is, which serve well enough to talk about, when we do not intend to aim at it; but as soon as a person really desires and sets about seeking it himself, he is dissatisfied with anything but what is tangible and clear, and constitutes some sort of direction towards the practice of it.
“We must bear in mind what is meant by perfection. It does not mean any extraordinary service, anything out of the way, or especially heroic-not all have the opportunity of heroic acts, of sufferings-but it means what the word perfection ordinarily means. By perfect we mean that which has no flaw in it, that which is complete, that which is consistent, that which is sound-we mean the opposite to imperfect. As we know well what imperfection in religious service means, we know by the contrast what is meant by perfection.
“He, then, is perfect who does the work of the day perfectly, and we need not go beyond this to seek for perfection. You need not go out of the round of the day.
“I insist on this because I think it will simplify our views, and fix our exertions on a definite aim.
“If you ask me what you are to do in order to be perfect, I say, first-
Do not lie in bed beyond the due time of rising;
give your first thoughts to God;
make a good visit to the Blessed Sacrament [this can be done mentally if it's not possible on a given day to go physically, but it's worth it to stop in for a visit even for a few minutes, even taking all the kids —LML];
say the Angelus devoutly;
eat and drink to God’s glory;
say the Rosary well;
be recollected; keep out bad thoughts;
make your evening meditation well;
examine yourself daily;
go to bed in good time, and you are already perfect.”
bits & pieces
- Gregory DiPippo shares a fascinating and moving little post about the reactions on Indian social media to Gregorian and Greek Orthodox chant. Priceless. (I thought it was remarkable that the elderly man began listening by anticipating with a sort of metrical conducting motion of his hands, and quickly changed to match his gestures to the very different, almost architectural rhythm of the chant.) “It was a good prayer.” “There is no music and drum in this prayer [makes a metrical motion with his hand]. And I like this kind of prayer. Because according to me, prayer should be calm.” (For the second chant they are all talking at once and I don't know how they can be listening! That gave me a chuckle.)
- Candles are important and carry within them a deep meaning and symbolism, and we shouldn't banish them with something more “up-to-date” or “safe” in the liturgical or even devotional setting. Here's a meditation on the subject.
- A friend once had us over for dinner and made a delicious and luxurious “white” lasagna for which she gave me the recipe later, copied from her mother. I was sharing it with another friend who is thinking of putting more liver into her diet, and found it online — as I suspected from the typed version, it's a vintage recipe, from the 60s! I can attest to its deliciousness! Have you ever made this Lasagne Pasticciate? When I make it, I gently fold ricotta into the Besciamella because I feel that it adds body to the final dish, keeping the layers a bit separated and more lofty. But my question would be this: could one use another liver, like beef? Have you tried that?
from the archives
- Last year I bought a second-hand seed bench and this year I'm going to put it in the pantry, I hope!
liturgical living
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Kate says
There is a saying in the diet and health world: “The diet that works is the one you’ll stick with.” People are always asking what they should or should not eat, but really outside of general guidelines (cut back on sugar and processed foods, eat real food), there is a lot of freedom to design your own healthy eating plan. People can act like diet police, but there is none IRL.
For years I was spending the weekends doing homeschool lesson plans and correcting papers. A lot of it fell to Sunday afternoon/evening because Saturday was taken up with more practical household chores and errands. This became increasing more involved as we added more kids to the homeschooling. My husband finally said that I needed to stop it and adopt a more unschooling approach without all the record and grade keeping. I was actually quite relieved to have his permission to cut down on my stress and do what fit into our family life better. Did I still compare and look over my shoulder occasionally? Yes. But the kids (and their teacher) were doing well.
Julie VS says
Thank you. This is a most apt and (ahem) perfect reminder, as we are moving towards Lent. You are particularly correct about the essential nature of sleep, and the extremely detrimental effects of not prioritizing it, at least in a family with numerous children. Yet so many of us need this reminder very badly.
It’s consoling to be able to focus only on living the life which God has put before me simply, with due attention and reverence, without omission, with funds of love left for my husband and children, instead of looking far afield or for novelty or for some scheme which will sound impressive and sufficient to other people. Of course appropriate fasting and abstinence are a part of this, but observed in the same spirit, with a moderation suited to our weakness and to being able to maintain the discipline faithfully throughout.
Thank you for drawing us back to the wisdom of these dear saints, and of lived experience.
Anne says
Every time I see John Henry Newman’s name I stop to read carefully. Love his practical wisdom! And thank you for giving permission to have an old fashioned Lent! (But not so old fashioned you have to give up eggs and butter, haha!)
Rebekah says
I love this with all my heart. “Some bodily process”
Could not be more accurate.
Julie VS says
So true!
Alea Wassmuth says
In addition to St. Francis’ book, I found A mother’s rule of life by Holly Pierlot to be a good guide. Both devout and practical, not imposing her rule on the reader, but helping the reader develop her own after discussing our God-given priorities and responsibilities.
Victoria says
It’s a lovely book, and I think parts of it are good, however I think it bears keeping in mind that Pierlot developed and wrote her approach after she had her last baby (and I believe that baby was bottle-fed, which can be a different experience than what the nursing mother lives with). While I think it’s worth gleaning for some bits of wisdom, I would also take it with a huge grain of salt. No mother with littles can have that predictable a life-style. And if you do, I’d suggest you enjoy life a little bit more, our kids need to be enjoyed, and when I see how many people I know have lost their children in the teen and young-adult years, you just don’t know how long you will get to be with them.
The book has been a blessing in my life over-all, but I wouldn’t want someone to approach it uncritically.
Julie VS says
Absolutely right, Victoria, on both the value and the caveats.
Dixie says
That book only made me feel bad, in lots of ways!
Dixie says
I say that not to contradict the above comments, but more to say, yes, I agree that it should be read critically. I think it will be harmful for some women, at least.
Cami says
I had a hard time with it too. As I recall, she began by deciding how much sleep she needed and then scheduled the day round that. Well, that’s not possible for many of us, especially if you are nursing at night and have a husband with so stressful a job that he insists on not night-parenting, leaving it all up to you. Some dads just can’t pitch in at night and as the just-getting-by only financial provider, their sleep takes priority. I struggle with the concept although I respect it. 5 children in, I’m still grasping at what a rule of life means for me.
Donna L. says
Cami~ I was nodding along with your response to that book. I felt that way, too. I will pray for you to hang in there–as a fellow Mom to 5, with a husband who was unable to help with night parenting–you are not alone, and you are doing an amazing job! Hang in there, Momma! May God bless you~
Leila says
I am glad you were helped by that book, but for anyone reading this and wondering, I do not endorse it.
Rebecca says
Your blog post immediately made me feel better about “failing” after reading Pierlot’s book a decade ago. So many years later, it still triggers negative feelings. Perhaps it is better suited to people who do not have a melancholic temperament like me!
I keep thinking of the little plate in the photo. It is charming things like this that a little mind can ponder without hurry and then remember when they are older. My children each have Beatrix Potter Wedgewood.
Leila says
I know others who reacted that way… you are not alone!
It’s a grandma’s privilege in her state of life to bring out the little plates and so on for the children! I’m blessed to have a chance to do it!
Dixie says
I’ve been benefitting from Sally Clarkson’s (a Protestant) podcasts and some of her books lately. Her “Life-Giving” series is one that is beautiful but can overwhelm. But her podcasts are encouraging and balanced. Her ideas about caring for yourself and taking breaks are so well-informed by a deep and personal understanding of how important self-sacrifice and devotion by the mother to her children and home. She talks, for example, about how important having an early morning teatime to herself was when her children were at home, but also talks about how important it is to willingly sacrifice this alone time when a little one or spouse comes in to interrupt and has need of that quiet time with you. I recently found her book “Different” so encouraging about how to mother “quirky” kids.
Lisa G. says
Sally Clarkson is an unusual Protestant. She is true and open in her love of Jesus and desire to grow, and as a result, her children are leaning toward a more “high church” religious expression which I find fascinating.
Dixie says
Lisa G., I think that’s unfair. Many Protestants are “true and open in [their] love of Jesus and desire to grow.” I don’t think that that’s any more unusual for Protestants than for Catholics. I’ve got a big ol’ beam in my eye, and although I am blessed to have the “fullness of truth” as a Catholic, I know I fall far shorter in these areas than many of my Protestant brothers and sisters in Christ.
Leila says
I don’t think Lisa meant that as a contingent statement, that she’s Protestant BUT true and open in her love of Jesus and desire to grow.
Rather, that she IS that way, and Protestant, and her children are going towards a more “high church” or liturgical expression.
I do not know Sally Clarkson at all or what is going on with her children, but I am sure that she is a good Christian!
I also see that many who are fervent in their faith are drawn towards a more patterned and ritualized form of worship, and I too find it interesting!
Mrs. Bee says
This is funny, just last night I was telling my husband that part of our Lent should be getting more sleep. Going to bed early can feel very penitential in the evening, when the house is finally quiet and we love to sit up and read… usually way too late. But when morning comes, how full of regret we are, feeling all foggy and not rested at all!
Thank you for the article about candles – though I wish he had explained *why* those blessings happen on the Epistle side of the altar. The traditional blessing of candles is very beautiful, this is my favorite prayer from that ritual:
O Lord Jesus Christ, the true Light who enlightenest every man that cometh into the world: pour forth Thy
blessing upon these candles, and sanctify them with the light of Thy grace, and mercifully grant, that as these lights, enkindled with visible fire, dispel the darkness of night, so our hearts, illumined by invisible fire, that is, by the splendor of the Holy spirit, may be free from every blindness due to vice: so that with clear sight our minds may discern what is pleasing to Thee and profitable to our salvation; so that after the darksome perils of this life we may deserve to attain to never fading light: Through thee, O Christ Jesus, Savior of the
world, who in the perfect Trinity, livest and reignest, God, world without end.
I’ve never heard the expression “lasagne pasticciate” (messy lasagne): where I come from (same region as Bologna) that’s the only way you’ll see lasagne made, and it started a lot earlier than the ’60s! I think that ragu’ recipe is unusual for lasagne, I’ve never heard of chicken livers being used, I’m not sure I approve, though I do love chicken liver. But every cook is allowed her secret ingredient, so why not… I still say that heavy cream has no place whatsoever in a ragu’. I add a big bay leaf to my ragu’, and sometimes a generous splash of Marsala instead of any wine. I also add a lot more nutmeg than just a pinch in the ragu’ and the besciamella: I like to cover Parmigiano with a generous grating of nutmeg, I think those two flavors go very well together. I’m afraid I think adding ricotta to a besciamella is absolute blasphemy…
If you can find calf liver, you can try it the way they eat it in Venice, with caramelized onions: this example looks interesting – https://www.foodandwine.com/recipes/liver-and-onions-venetian-style.
Kelsey says
Alright, I need to know… How do you “love” chicken liver. I’ve tried so hard! But so often it ends up in the trash! Tell me your secret.
Mrs. Bee says
Pate’!! It can be a bit expensive if store-bought, but a recipe like Ina Garten’s Chopped Liver is cheap: https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ina-garten/chopped-liver-recipe-1944212 (though I use butter, not chicken fat, and I have Marsala in the house more often than Madeira, and I like it paste-like more than coarsely chopped)
Leila says
That recipe looks good — I have one too that has a good sweet and tart balance, great on crackers or with crusty bread. Even liver haters can’t resist: http://likemotherlikedaughter.org/2013/03/chicken-liver-pate-as-promised/
Leila says
Oh yes — it’s just this particular recipe that comes from that time! But really, try it! It’s incredibly good and the livers add a luxurious aura to it.
I’m sorry to blaspheme with my ricotta but I found that the layers were too indistinct without it! Try it!
Mrs. Bee says
Well, but that’s the point of the name – it will be messy, embrace it! Think of it as a trifle, not a layer cake – they’re both made by assembling layers, but the resulting experience is very different. Unless I am misunderstanding what you mean by “indistinct”. Bechamel is flexible enough that it can be made quite runny (like the one I make as a base for mac&cheese), or on the stiffer side (like for lasagne) without outside help. I do give you permission to use ricotta, but I politely decline the suggestion 🙂
Leila says
Haha glad I’m not excommunicated!
I can probably only convey my thoughts about this if you try the recipe (and I totally get not wanting to — this is like me just not liking the idea of putting paprika in hummus bi tahini or balsamic vinegar in Greek salad dressing, and so on, and being determined not to do it!).
The name is not my name, but that of whoever developed the recipe. The dish is VERY rich, unctuous, and delightful. I have made it a few times (besides having it at my friend’s house) and just think that if the white sauce is lightened with ricotta, the dish then acquires a self-balance and a bit more structure.
I say this for the benefit of others 🙂
raphaelarchangelus says
Thank you for this reminder to simply live our state in life well. It is so freeing to simply need to do the duties of my state in life well. I admit to struggling though. I discerned the religious life for ten years and was in a convent for 4.5 years before realizing I was called to marriage. Figuring out life “in the world” has been difficult and I vacillate between being too austere and falling in a heap of failure because I tried something not proper to my state in life. 🤦♀️
Also, thank you for the permission to sleep. We didn’t sleep much in the convent, but as a mom with a two month old sleeping when baby sleeps is absolutely vital!
Leila says
Yes, this is a tough transition. In many ways, the life of a mother is much more difficult. She really has such complete freedom (and those who mock the hierarchy in the family seem oblivious to this truth!). But with that freedom comes uncertainty. I hope the words of St. John Henry Newman can really help with that.
raphaelarchangelus says
I have never thought about it like that. As the wife/mother having complete freedom. Very beautiful and much food for meditation. Thank you!! And yes, I am definitely experiencing the uncertainty. 😅 St. John Henry Newman, Ora Pro Nobis!
Lisa G. says
I appreciate your explanation? definition? of perfection. Something we all should know, but don’t think enough about what it really is. And – St. Francis de Sales! Everything that dear saint wrote is so soothing, so encouraging to read. Always makes you feel like it’s right and not too much, ever.
Leila says
Yes! All that — about perfection — is a quote from St. John Henry Newman — hopefully that is clear!
Amy says
I am grateful to you for this!!!!!!!
Mignon says
OK. I actually own that Time-Life Cooking of Italy Cookbook! And I am looking at the recipe! It’s a great cookbook, and the little I’ve made from it has all been good, so I definitely have no excuse and will have to make this lasagne. It looks scrumptious!
Thank you for the practical thoughts on lent and the prevailing spiritual trends that sound so cool (“dynamic” “your best self” etc.) yet in the end are neither timeless nor helpful.
Leila says
Oh, I’m excited that you have that book! When I was reading the comments of that post about the lasagna I had to restrain myself from trying to find it haha…
I just received a mailing from the Matthew Kelly whatever it is — strangely corporate-looking publishing concern — and am super scandalized that his books and materials are allowed anywhere near a Catholic church, let alone put on the racks at the back. His approach (copied by many) is destructive and somehow I am going to have to write about it.
If we read Scripture and immerse ourselves in the saints’ writings, we will hone our ability to reject such spiritually harmful material. I wonder what Matthew Kelly would have made of the widow and her mite or the sorrowful woman wiping the ointment she put on Jesus with her hair, or for that matter, the contrite and silent St. Peter being told to “feed my sheep.”
Ellen says
Now I’m really curious why you dislike Matt Kelly. I heard him speak once and he told the story of how he started to pray and turn his life around, just by sitting in a church before the Tabernacle for 10 min each day, increasing the time as he went. I thought that was beautiful and practical. I have never read his books. I do agree about the next “program” going to make us all better Catholics being silly. My childhood parish had the regular things each season and it was all well attended. No programs in sight till recently.
Leila says
See my answer to Mary below.
You really would have to see his materials to understand my issues. Also see this: http://likemotherlikedaughter.org/2016/04/read-not-spiritual-reading/
Ellen says
Ha! I actually commented on that post! And i forgot that i did read at least part of a Matthew Kelly book. My husband remarked that if MK was a secular author, we would all applaud his amazing business sense. He’s content to sell ALOT of really cheap books that are the same message and he does well financially at it. And he has parishes convinced to buy them each year. No wonder I’ve never read a whole book. They are boring.
Now, I’ve gone through “Imitation of Christ” many times and there is always something there to really help. I don’t do much spiritual reading at this time other than Saint stories with my children, and morning prayer from the Divine Office. Maybe one day I’ll have some brain power back.
And now i want to know about your objections to “Mother’s Rule of Life”, a book i did actually read though i skipped all the stuff about planning your shower in a notebook, and i really enjoyed it. You have such a clear way of putting things and getting to the heart of the matter.
I kept hoping she’d talk more about her life on PEI. But i liked the notion that if we are unhappy in our circumstances as moms, there is really alot we can do to change, building new habits, and probably we all need more discipline and structure in our days. I can completely see how it would be crushing to some moms, making them feel terribly inadequate. But i was able to read it for the nuggets of good. And i fully admit my need for greater structure to my days.
Finally I’m reading your books and loving them! Even though much of it is familiar from my years of reading your blog, i am enjoying the flow of having it all in order. I am doing alot of thinking about laundry and meals and my cleaning routines. Thanks for keeping up the blog. I do so enjoy it.
Leila says
Thanks! Obviously there is a lot of truth (and I say all these things too) about making a schedule and so on. I find that many women can collapse in a heap if you pile it all on their heads at once (I am one of these!). Some respond well and are good at dismissing whatever doesn’t apply to them, but some really react by losing it completely. That approach can even make some women not want to be home at all.
But besides just a difference in approach, I don’t like the underlying attitude of detachment or whatever you want to call it. I don’t know how to put it, exactly, but the idea that I’m going to go to do my prayer before the Blessed Sacrament every day and you should too… well, who’s making sure the family gets breakfast and so on? I don’t see that advice flying for a new mom trying to juggle toddlers and a baby on the way.
Or that I’m going to disappear on Saturdays for as along as I want and not even feel that I should say when I’ll be back… that’s something so particular to her and her husband (and my husband would feel abandoned, as I would if he claimed a day to himself that way!) — it’s not something that could ever be “advice” per se. Never mind that Saturdays are SUCH a busy day for all the reasons — and most of all that Sunday is coming and if mother isn’t there to prepare, it will not be a restful day…
There are a lot of things that I do and that we do in our family that I wouldn’t put in my book because I realize they are very particular to who we are. It’s important to me to convey the idea that once you see how important order is, you will retreat interiorly and pray and then apply the principles to your own circumstances.
I guess the vision of family life as this burden that has to be managed is unappealing to me. As you know, I resist the idea of “me time” and so on (even though I am a huge champion of resting and of course, praying). I can see why many women react with panic — it’s not just being told to have a schedule, it’s somehow taking away the one thing that motivates them, namely the hope that they would ultimately enjoy their family so much that they would feel no need to flee.
I can hear someone respond that it’s about being introverted etc… and I don’t know that introversion has anything to do with it. Introverts need to learn to institute quiet time so that they can wind down — they don’t need to dump everything on their husbands and run off!
Anyway, as my blog and books attest, I am certainly all for building habits and imposing order… I am just not a fan of that book haha…
Nicole says
That is very helpful as a light shed on this particular book. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it before, but I think you’ve got it, that life at home was somehow seen so much as a burden to be escaped (though I’m all for the occasional/rare afternoon out of the house. Definitely not every Saturday, I mean who can really leave on Saturday when you actually have the whole day to do home cleaning and projects?? I would go crazy if I just left the whole {messy} house to my poor kids and hubby every Sat! I would feel so not-rested coming home to that! I think all of us mothers of the continuum of kids ages little to baby can attest that alone outings are just rare! And I enjoy them when I get them, but I would never feel it my “right” to get one every weekend. My husband doesn’t get one either, so….!)
And while we do find the “Five Ps” framework helpful for just setting goals in the various areas of our life and prioritizing things, her checklist style did end up making even relationships with your family feel a bit business-like and box-check-y. Maybe super choleric women find this the most helpful, but I would *always* recommend your book and blog over that one for a mom looking to find more order in her life at home. It’s telling that I’ve visited pages of your blog MILLIONS of times (approx!) and am still devouring your book, and yet only read that other book just once, and never looked at it again.
Cirelo says
I’ve noticed recently MKs turn towards pop psychology in his videos etc. which bothers me; it’s not that psychology doesn’t have applications in the spiritual realm but I think there is this heavy handedness I see going on right now and over psychologizing everybody. I was in a Book study recently looking at Edith Stein and she describes herself having a kind of a depression she goes through on her way to finding Christianity. I would call it more of an existential angst. I was so put off by the way the rest of the group so quickly dismissed her wrestling as “undiagnosed depression” it seems so dismissive and reductionistic to the person. The attitude almost seems to say that it doesn’t matter what you believe and that it will have no effect on your psyche as long as your brain chemicals are in balance. I think it presents a distorted view of the person. I’ve been thinking of how to articulate this for a while and am not sure that I’m quite there!
Karen in SC says
So I received that Matthew Kelly mailing too, and I’m wondering now what to do with it. Would it be better to throw it in with the recycling than give it to Goodwill?
Leila says
Yes, I threw it away.
Mary says
Now you’ve really got me curious as to why you dislike Matthew Kelly’s writings! Please share! Our local Catholic Church has given out books of his as “Christmas gifts” several different years.
Leila says
When one immerses oneself in the venerable spiritual writing that has nourished Catholics for generations and centuries, one begins to understand. For that matter, knowing the Gospels will cast what Kelly says in a different light. Our Lord’s first public word was “Repent!” He told his disciples to spread the Gospel, not to provide motivational material for people to become more dynamic and achieve their best selves.
John Henry Newman said: “We go on in a self-satisfied or a self-conceited way, not looking out of ourselves, not standing like soldiers on the watch in the dark night; but we kindle our own fire, and delight ourselves in the sparks of it.”
There is simply no substitute for forming one’s Catholic sensibilities with good reading, so that one can spot a worldly voice when one encounters it.
Melissa Holm says
Dear Leila,
From which work is your magnificent quote of St. John Henry Newman drawn? We are hoping to add some dinner time spiritual reading to our Lenten disciplines this year, and I’d love to begin with him. Also—any advice on Theology of the Body works for teens and/or preteens? I feel like we’ve dropped the ball there, and the culture is too toxic to continue to drop the ball.
Thank you!
Leila says
The passage is from a book called Meditations and Devotions.
Have you seen my article on Sex Education? Search here on the blog (it’s in my book too).
Is there a particular program you have in mind for TOTB? Some are way too explicit.
Kathy says
Is it this book?
https://www.sophiainstitute.com/products/item/everyday-meditations-2019-edition
Kathy says
Or this one?
https://www.amazon.com/John-Henry-Newman-Meditations-Devotions/dp/0809105985
Leila says
I think this is the one?
I am not sure but I think so.
MargoB says
Hi Melissa,
It sounds like you’re looking for something printed, but I thought I’d suggest the Theology of the Body retreats designed and led by a dear friend of mine. They are called Into the Deep/ID retreats, and she has some geared toward teens.
https://idretreats.org/why-outdoors/
Luana says
Thank you so, so much for your sane approach! Wow, I wish more woman on Internet would speak this way. Yes, let`s encourage one another to find joy in our day-to-day lives, to learn do our chores well, to love our families better, smile more, make time for wonder and learn how to live together in such a way, that it is mostly enjoyable 🙂
Talking about Lent – thank you for your warning about sleep. Yes, yes, yes!!! We need to keep ourselves healthy and keep our sanity as much as we can, to be able to love our families well. I just want to say, the same is true about food , especially for pregnant/nursing mamas.
Right now I`m nursing my fifth baby and with this sweet baby, for the first time, I had an experience of really having a problem with my milk supply. Me and baby got sick, he didn`t nurse well for few days, and I didn`t eat much for maybe 2-3 days (I still ate few times a day, but less). And I was super surprised, when I have realized that my milk was “gone” (it was still there, but much less) and I needed a full week of lots and lots of nursing (day and night) and eating often and well, drinking lots (also “nursing” tee), to get to the point when I could feel milk coming in again. And it lasted 2 full weeks to come to the point when I had as much milk, as before. It was such a hard work! For me and for baby.
And for many years before I always had lots and lots of milk and I thought, that something like that could never happen to me. How naive. Really, all that was needed were 2 days of eating little. After researching about it, I found out that quite a few mums have experienced similar reactions in their milk supply, after trying to eat less, or being sick.
So I just want to warn mums – please be very very careful with fasting from food. There is a GOOD good reason, why church says that no fast is expected from nursing and pregnant mums.
I have never tried to do a real fast while nursing/pregnant and always felt somehow like a failure about it, but now I see that it was good. Sorry for a long comment! And I got your books and cannot wait to start reading – it`s such a huge huge blessing to have those books, it will be delight for years to come, just like your precious blog 🙂 Thank you so much!!!
Joanna says
I have heard it said several times over the years from Catholic mom bloggers and YouTubers that “we need to make this vocation look attractive.” Though it was never specifically said, the message coming through was that we needed to “have it all together” with having our homes clean, our appearances beautiful, delicious food on the table, and look happy. Not that there is anything wrong with those things, but the motivation to “make this vocation look attractive” is I think a warped and disordered view of what we are trying to do in the home. If my motivation is to make this vocation look attractive to others than I have lost focus of what I am doing and who I am serving.
I have to admit a certain jealousy and envy of these women repeating this message because they seemed to have the money and time to make everything look just so. The pressure to be perfect so that I would “make this vocation look attractive” bothered me and I knew it wasn’t true! Holiness itself is attractive and if I aim for that by loving God and my family by fulfilling the duties of my vocation then the pressure is off. I don’t want to fault these women for wanting their homes and families to look beautiful and appealing. We all do! I just think the message that “we need to make this vocation look attractive” is misguided and harmful. Vocations look attractive when we fulfill our obligations faithfully.
I have realized lately that I much prefer to listen to advice from Catholic wives and mothers who are at the other end of motherhood, not the ones who are in the middle of it. They have a perspective that I don’t and that’s something I really need.
Em says
If there’s one thing I’m learning in motherhood, it’s that if you have any truly consistent parts of your day to day life, you should capitalize on them to build those habits and virtues we’re always longing after. For example – we daily have a little down time together after breakfast as a family and my husband and I have been able to make a habit of morning prayer together in that little space. We look for those moments that are nearly sacred rituals of family life and build upon them in some small way.
As a side note – I would love Auntie Leila’s thoughts on infants and toddlers receiving ashes on Ash Wednesday. Our priest “discourages” them for those under the age of reason, and I feel a deep and sincere disagreement with him, but I would love to hear a seasoned and faithful mother’s thoughts!
Leila says
Good thought about building on what you have!
Gosh, we always got ashes for our babies and toddlers. It’s a sacramental, and they certainly can partake — it helps them look forward to the sacraments — and certainly, they are “man” and from dust they were made and to dust they will return. I am not sure why the priest would set up an obstacle, sigh.