The beauty of stepping out of the conventional education mainstream into homeschooling is the freedom. But there is one thing I want to tell you, as you scroll through photos of the highly organized and fully developed curricula that some mothers display and all the catalogues offer. I need you to know something as you contemplate expensive and highly developed systems for educating your child at home.
It has to do with your goal. It's diabolically easy to substitute one goal for another, and to inadvertently order all your priorities towards the wrong ending point. So be sure that you are aiming to offer your child a good education so that he can learn. Take care that you are not working this hard to achieve the status of completely organized homeschool parent who Teaches All the Things.
Those two things could be the same. But the likelihood that you would be completely organized is, I hate to tell you, very low. Sorry. And there are a lot of things that could be taught… I think it's actually not possible to teach them all. The world is so full of a number of things that we might end up as worried as kings!
Striving for a picture-perfect curriculum, all squared away before school even starts, is unrealistic. (It's even unrealistic to think you'd find a school anywhere, at any cost, that could provide these things). If that is your goal, stated or not, it's no wonder you experience anxiety and a sense of defeat before you even start.
A good warning sign is when you open Instagram and see someone's Super Snazzy Classical Course of Study all laid out in her perfectly arranged dedicated schoolroom, you experience panic rather than inspiration.
That warning is helpful, so don't respond by giving up on homeschooling, ordering more unneeded books, or having a cocktail (save that for later, more as a reward than a prophylactic). It indicates a few things that you really can do in your own actual life:
- Start again with your menus, laundry, and Reasonably Clean House. These things come naturally (or have been achieved by the hard work of instituting new habits) for the gal you wish was you. They are the basis of the learning environment that is your home. The wonder of learning springs from the order of life.
- Be wise about your circumstances. If you have just moved, had a new baby, or otherwise experienced some big life change, you are in a different situation. In another season, you might be able to take a photo of what you are doing and have it look pretty darned impressive. But that's not actually a goal. Sometimes taking a picture helps us see things in a new way (as does the peaceful practice of looking in the window at dusk, when all has been tidied). But it's not really a goal. The goal is to live life as it has been given to us.
- Remember that we don't quite know how children learn. It doesn't follow that buying the most amazing products or even having your home resplendent with busts of philosophers results in education. Reading biographies of interesting and accomplished people, as well as consulting our own experience, can help us see that learning occurs in the most random ways, sometimes with the rawest and most austere materials. On the other hand, it's also true that the basics are called that for a reason. The collective memory has identified certain factors without which those moments of wonder can't really occur. They are necessary, if insufficient, elements, and it's all too easy to ignore them when we are bombarded with the plethora of goods offered for sale.
- Be at peace, knowing that interested, lively, moderately obedient children will learn, and that you are doing your best. Simply keeping them from the destructive forces of mass corralling of kids in institutions goes a long way to this, the really important goal, that the child learns. The goal of appearing to have it all together is nothing compared to it.
All these matters are ones I've discussed here at length — simply go up to the menu bar and click on the topic! Be at peace, because God will give you the grace you need to educate your children!
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Sonja Maierhauser says
Dear Auntie Leila, wonderfully said! Can we insert some fireworks in conclusion? Yes, a thousand times, yes
Nicole says
Can I just say, “moderately obedient” is such an encouraging phrase to hear??! Thank you for acknowledging the reality 😀
Rosemary says
I was also thinking this! 🙂
Anne Marie says
How did you know I’ve been in a state of mortal dread these past couple days leading up to first day of school? I’d been dazzled/discouraged by glittery, organized homeschool blog photos and desperately needed this reality check. Your every point hit home and you proposed so many considerations I’ve been totally dismissing (wait a minute, we are in temporary housing and I’m pregnant and we’re on zero income, etc). I really can’t thank you enough for taking the time to encourage and bring clarity to us. I’m going to go pick up the pieces, wash my kids faces, put away the laundry and carry on. God bless you Auntie Leila
Ginni says
Anne Marie, I just said a prayer over you. Been there, done that sounds so inadequate, but from one who has also been in this same circumstance, this I say: keep up your courage. Your response here is so beautiful. Nothing is as rewarding as having the children carrying on “normal life” while the parents are going through something that feels distinctly abnormal. You may not be able to see the rewards in this very moment, but I promise you, the holy Family will help you in every step. The rewards are coming.
Karen says
Thank you!!! I really needed to read this today. I have all of our curriculum ready to go for the first day of school next week, and now I’ve hit that point where I’m second-guessing my decisions. Your statement about not really understanding just how children learn is so true. Just look at how many different styles of education are out there-each one of them believes that they have the answer! I’ve been homeschooling for eleven years and I still can’t figure out how much of my children’s “learning” has been a result of my teaching versus their own innate ability to figure out what they need to know. I do know that I need to spend far less time reading the homeschooling blogs and more time being truly present to my children and observing what their needs really are. Thanks again, Auntie Leila!
Leila says
You’re welcome!
Laura Austin says
Thank you for these encouraging words, Auntie Leila!
Donna L. says
Auntie Leila~
You have given me such a gift today! This is the encouragement I needed to read~ I felt as though I was *stuck* because I have always felt that organization and perfectly laid-out plans eluded me–after this post I just took a deep breath and will “keep on keeping on”. Thank you for sharing your love and ideas to help us through this turbulent time–as you have for many years~
God bless you and keep you!
Donna
Leila says
Donna, as a veteran homeschooler, your experience will carry you through! Thank you for your affirmation!
Vera says
Auntie Leila, thank you so much. You always say the right thing at the right time. We are moving in a month and I am expecting baby number three in four months and I am beginning to panic that I don’t have a curriculum or any plans for my children this fall. Granted, they are very young… But every time someone asks what we’re doing for school, I freak out inside. I’ll try not to do that. Thank you!
Leila says
Oh yes, the questions! “It’s evolving” or “I usually wait until after Labor Day to turn to schooling” works… “we are still enjoying summer!”
Rosemary says
As a recovering perfectionist, this reminder is a balm to my anxious heart. Thank you. <3 Grace is always in the real children, in a real home, with their real mother who is trying her best. Not in a perfect curriculum that we have to discover.
Leila says
Yes! I have lots of thoughts about curriculum, and have discussed them at length here on the blog. But in the end, it won’t likely look picture-perfect, and if we have the real goal in mind, we won’t worry about that!
Judith says
Leila, thank you so much for your encouragement and words of reassurance. I am 6 years into homeschooling and feel such a sense of dread at beginning yet another school year. I have lost my own joy, wonder, and excitement in learning alongside my children, and suddenly I feel so ill-equipped to lead them further down the path. It’s as if I got to June and realized I actually don’t enjoy homeschooling. I miss having time to pursue my own interests (and I feel selfish saying that), but also a recent health scare has shown me that I can no longer place myself completely at the bottom of the priorities list. I’m still not sure how to balance everything, but I do know that homeschooling is the right path for us for at least one more year.
Leila says
Homeschooling is hard and also not actually the very best way to educate children. However, it is the way that many have to tread. I have numerous posts on the importance of creativity for mom, and in fact, children learn better when they see their parents interested and involved in pursuits not centered on them — because they are secure in knowing that the whole operation (home) is for them!
Anamaria says
I would love to hear what you think is the best way to educate children sometime 😊
Leila says
Well, I do have this blog… 😉
Anamaria says
Ha, yes, and it’s a treasure! But it is aiming at how to homeschool if that’s where you find yourself, with the occasional reference that “neighborhood schools used to be a boon until they started invading children’s inner lives” (sorry for the total paraphrase) or about parish schools with religious. We are homeschooling for now, with a pretty good Protestant option available. Our bishop is trying to get Dominicans here, so that may be an option by the time some of our kids are in school
Many of the homeschoolers do think it’s the best way to educate children, at least until 8th grade or so- and seeing how quickly my children learn with a little one on one instruction, it’s easy to slip into that. They are still little though- my oldest is about to start “second” grade (mostly third grade work, second by age). Some thoughts about what “actually is the best way to educate children,” in an ideal world or with the ideal option, would be helpful in tempering some of these thoughts and gaging when it might be best to send a child to school. Thanks! 😊
Melisa says
Thank you for all the wisdom and encouragement here, Auntie Leila. This is what I need to hear as I attempt to plan our 18th year of home educating our 8 children and know I haven’t got it all together. Things are going to be okay. Yes, there is much on our plates, but God has given us all the graces (thus far) that we’ve needed to do this, and I hope and pray He will continue to do so. (It also helps if I can give myself grace.) I say this for my own benefit, but also for all of you other moms: Give yourself grace! Take baby steps and remember you don’t need to do it all today, and remember that line from the Surrender Novena that is making the rounds: “Jesus, I surrender myself to You; take care of everything”. God bless all!
Melisa
Leila says
Yes, grace! And remember — some children learn when their mothers leave them alone! Isn’t that consoling??
Dixie Lane says
I’m right now at the stage of “planned everything out, now deleting as many of those plans as possible.” So just right about where you’re talking about!! This is our fifth year of homeschooling.
Leila says
Haha, yes, keep it simple!
In my homeschooling with a binder post I recommend writing down goals for each subject. It’s amazing how simple things become when we do that!
Dixie Lane says
I found that post very helpful when I started out. I’m a binder girl, too! List and checkboxes and it’s amazing how much actually can get done bit by bit.
Mckenna says
I’m not a homeschooling parent, but as a former teacher I can wholeheartedly agree that no school or teacher has it “all figured out” at the beginning of the school year either. Brick and mortar educators basically do their best to set up their rooms, take a look at the year long curriculum (scope and sequence) and hope for the best. We refer to it as the, “first six weeks.” That’s even the title of a book given to new teachers. There’s a month to two month easing in period. I hope the amazing homeschool parents out there give themselves a little grace. You’re doing important work!
Leila says
Thank you, Mckenna – that perspective is so helpful! My friends and I used to console ourselves with tales from the teachers we knew about how not perfect things are at school. Kids — if only we could carry out this project without them, things would be a lot calmer!
But seriously, I know your words have helped today!
Mrs. T says
Since quitting social media and homeschooling blogs, no matter how good intentioned, it’s been much easier to achieve and maintain peace. Prayer, discernment with my husband and your gentle reminders are enough. It also makes it easier to listen to Our Lord’s promptings for our family.
Leila says
I can definitely see that. And I am honored to have made the cut!
Heather says
Thank you for this widsom
mrsnightskyre says
Thanks for the encouragement! Our family is in a hybrid approach – two kids in public school, one officially homeschooled (and of course EVERYONE benefitting from some of the homeschool lessons/activities).
On the plus side, that means I have a loose schedule already, matching the public school calendar, and a goal of putting the at-home kid back into public school for middle/high school.
On the minus side, that means I’m always trying to figure out the “right” amount of work for my at-home kid, and keeping him on par with what his peers are learning.
But this year, I’m trying less to match what he “should” be learning and instead dive into some stuff that I find interesting and important – like Shakespeare, and ancient history!
Now, to sit down and figure out *what* we’re going to tackle *when*… school starts in two weeks and time is running out!
Ginni says
As always, just I needed to hear, just at the right moment. Thank you for including meal planning in this, as well as laundry. Making extra meals to freeze, like Gumbo or chili, is a game changer. You are a dear friend, though we have never met, and I am thankful for your time and guidance here. Saying a prayer for the repose of your lovely mother, as we can see her photo at your sink window. May she rest in peace.
One fun thing we do is to get new saintly friends. Every school year we have prayed, and then used the online Patron Saint Generator, to ask for school-year patrons. This year I have St. Padre Pio, and my children have St. Peter Ou, and St. Zita. We are amazed every year that the Lord gives us the perfect saints for us as intercessors. Some saints are already dear friends, and others become our friends over the course of the year. Students can choose their patron saints as well. We love the surprise of having new heavenly helpers, and look forward to meeting them every fall.
Victoria says
Thanks so much for this post. My family and I are just recovering from the-illness-that-shall-not-be-named, I’m newly pregnant and very morning sick, and there are several other health problems in my immediate and extended family that have reared their ugly heads. It has been so hard for me to hear myself say, “We’re starting our school year in October.”
But it’s true, the goal here is to raise kids who care about their faith-life, goodness and beauty, and to keep them out of the filth that our culture has on offer. Your post helps me have peace.