The weekly “little of this, little of that” feature here at Like Mother, Like Daughter!
(This will all look and work better if you click on the actual post and do not remain on the main page.)
At the bottom of this blog (the home page) I put a quote that I find positively brilliant, not least because it appears in a humble gardening book published quite a while ago:
“A wise lady once said, ‘If you haven't good judgment you'll never make a good cook or anything else.'”
– Mary Mason Campbell, Kitchen Gardens
What does this mean? How can we get this good judgement she speaks of? Isn't that something you have or don't have? Doesn't it seem unfair to say that if you don't have this mysterious quality, you'll never be good at cooking or anything else?
Seems harsh, maybe?
When I started giving my talk about the Four Cardinal Virtues*, I mentioned that it was decisive for my spiritual life to read Joseph Pieper's book by that name (which is based on the thought of St. Thomas Aquinas and, of course, Aristotle).
I had never thought of virtue at all. To me, you just were the way you were. When I became a Christian, I guess I had a vague idea that God would make you better… I didn't realize that goodness was something from Him, but also something that we can strive to acquire, and that knowing some things about how virtue operates, and what it is, can help us on that path.
Yes, we have a grace of virtue granted in baptism through which we have Christ's life (and thus, goodness or virtue) infused in us. But we also can acquire virtue as we grow and learn. In Pieper's words, St. Thomas speaks of “the pre-eminence of that “fuller” Prudence (which is what “good judgement” basically is) in which the natural and the supernatural, the acquired and the given, are combined in a felicitous, in a literally ‘graced' unity.”
Good judgement, or the virtue of Prudence, comes from experience and memory. We have to do things, or try to do them, make mistakes, remember how things came about, and try again. Prudence can't be developed without reflecting on our actions after we do them and our experiences after we experience them.
Pieper: “Trueness-to-being of memory, open-mindedness, clear-sighted objectivity in unexpected circumstances: these are qualities of mind of the prudent man. All three are focused upon what is ‘already' real, upon things past and present… ”
Paradoxically, then, we won't have good judgement until we make up our minds to try to “be good at” cooking or “everything else” — that is, the task at hand. People always quote G. K. Chesterton's line that “anything worth doing is worth doing badly” — they may not understand that he was hinting at this development of good judgement, at Prudence, the Queen of Virtues, without which we cannot actually be good. Obviously. At least it's obvious when we are looking at our children as they stumble about or stammer their words or try to draw their pictures — we see that they have to begin by doing things badly!
I'm convinced that one reason we aren't “good cooks” or “anything else” in the realm of keeping the home — why we don't like housework and why we make excuses about not being “good at it” or compare ourselves with another woman and conclude that to her, these things “just come naturally” but don't happen to “give us joy” so maybe we should go on to something else — is that we simply aren't willing to learn to do them, even though they really are things we have to do.
We are not good at them, and that makes us sort of despise them, or at least dismiss them.
When I started my married life — you will laugh at me — I literally didn't know how to sweep a floor. I was much, much worse off than you are! Fortunately, I didn't get the idea that it didn't matter; instead (because books like Kitchen Gardens and others came my way, and because of many factors I'm sure I know nothing about), I intuited that trying to learn even simple things and become good at them, even if they frustrated me greatly and seemed both beyond my ability and beneath my notice, would be fruitful for my life with these others who are given to me. Somehow, I did start to see that it was going to be worthwhile to grapple with the work around me.
Yesterday Deirdre and I were musing on the reality that no one would reasonably assume that a woman would take an outside job and not be given a manual, a mentor, and/or some instructions — and that she would need time to master her task. Yet in the realm of home making, our assumption seems to be not only that we won't try to be good at the aspects of the job, but that just as perhaps in spite of ourselves we are figuring things out (say, when our children get to school age), everyone will expect us to quit and move on to something more fulfilling.
How frustrating! Imagine it!
Are these just years to be muddled through, or is there a real reward in the field, awaiting us?
I maintain the latter! I have a vision of home, a refuge and a radiating light, that yet is comprised of many small doings, some perhaps a bit of a slog (but what job doesn't have aspects of drudgery?), some amazingly creative, all simply needing to be mastered at some level.
From cleaning your cast iron to reading with your children to having dinner together when they begin to leave the nest, I'm here at Like Mother, Like Daughter to share at least the few things I've learned along the way.
*I'll be giving a talk on this subject in Denver, CO, at the Rocky Mountain Home Educators Conference on July 21. I will post information on my Speaking page! Hope to see you there!
On to our links!
- I have enjoyed this Instagram account: Grown to Cook. Vera's garden is in Holland, so perhaps her climate is a bit different from mine, but I've learned a lot from her videos and photos.
- If you homeschool, you might want to take a peek at this post from Celeste, rounding up her year with her twin sixth-graders. I feel a little conflicted linking to it — it probably represents the most you could do with your children, and as such might feel a little daunting, by which I mean utterly impossible. I certainly never reached this pinnacle of education with my children! But I do share because her visuals might help you (click on the pictures to see a larger size); sometimes we just need to see things to get the idea of what to do (or what the kids can do). Sometimes the children need to see what other children are doing! And I love that she uses the Ambleside curriculum. I always say the whole thing can't be done; she proves me wrong, I guess! Don't be overwhelmed — just take whatever seems helpful to you and run with it! (Reality Check: Note that she says they do Latin twice a week for 10-15 minutes — surely that is not too overwhelming?)
In the Department of Staying at Home, Economics Division:
- I certainly don't agree with the conclusions of this article: The Two-Income Trap, but the analysis is correct. It's crazy to base your life together in a family on two incomes. It's stressful and imprudent and costs too much. The solution obviously is not to have the government make everything free, because nothing is free, taxes just mean everyone has to earn more, and costs are more than monetary (but that's a discussion for another time). Just try reading it with a different filter. It's absurd to declare that “the notion that mothers are all going to run pell-mell back to the hearth and turn back the clock to 1950 is absurd.” Why absurd? Mothers, if they are married, certainly can stay home and will, if given half the chance — and if they can feel competent when they do (cue intro music for Like Mother, Like Daughter!) (what IS our intro music??).
- This WSJ article: Working Women Often Underestimate Motherhood Costs (sorry, for subscribers only) makes a similar point: It just costs too much in time and money to work and take care of children for all but the very rich (speaking purely economically here — I think the rich are losing as well in other ways, as the stress does not go away no matter how many nannies you have). This goes back to my “it's crazy” remark: no one rational bases their life plan on everything going smoothly! But every day I hear of people's lives thrown into chaos when a pregnancy doesn't go as planned, a child gets sick, or a hospitalization occurs. Right, that's how life is! You can count on everyone having the flu. If getting sick means a stressful war of all against all as husband and wife battle out whose commitments reign supreme, life will fail to be peaceful on a very basic level.
Some misc:
- I had a hard time settling on a Fr. Schall essay for you; there were many worthy ones. I did like this one: On Ideology
- I'm not sure why or how people think they can dry up Niagara Falls,, but then they go and do it…
- Not many people getting married at all these days, but it's good to know what divorce actually is and if and when the Catholic Church tolerates it.
- Get ready: a big Mutu sale is coming up — Deirdre will post about that shortly.
Today is the feast of the Roman Martyrs.
From the archives:
- There's still time to have an Independence Day party! And build the culture.
We’d like to be clear that, when we direct you to a site via one of our links, we’re not necessarily endorsing the whole site, but rather just referring you to the individual post in question (unless we state otherwise).
Cami says
I’m so glad for my friends that you are speaking at the RMCHC! But so sad for myself since I don’t live there anymore. Boo hoo!
Cami says
I also wanted to add, regarding women who decide to stay home wanting to feel competent… I truly agree that is the biggest obstacle. I mean, sure, lots of families I know chose two-incomes to support a lifestyle they insist they need, but do not (fancy house, fancy cars, fancy clothes, fancy vacations, fancy schools etc.) But the women I know staying home are trying to do it well despite their shortcomings and I myself am mostly tempted to throw in the towel due to not feeling competent. Likely, the women I know not staying home, tell me they couldn’t possibly be with their children full-time, that working outside the home is easier. So at the heart of each woman is the desire to feel competent regardless of their choice. I hope that made sense. 🤔(Newly pregnant, exhausted, hormone brain)
Kristi says
Exactly! For me and my friends, at least. It was so hard to go from feeling competent in the work world to feeling incompetent at home. I knew that abandoning my kids to day care was not a better option — that it was better for them and therefore for all of us that I muddle through — but how I wish I had learned something about homemaking BEFORE I married!
Kate says
I have that gardening book! I love Tasha Tudor’s illustrations.
There’s an article in my stack of well-worn Tightwad Gazettes about the actual cost of a second income. While acknowledging that there are a large number of women who do need to work to help support their families, the author notes that many women fail to factor in the extra costs that take a chunk from their paycheck – child care (the big one), convenience foods (because, tired and busy), fast food and meals out (because, tired), professional wardrobe, extra vehicles and their maintenance, gas, inefficient homemaking, higher tax bracket, health costs due to stress (and/or marital counseling), etc. She advises actually sitting down and doing the math before going the second income route. It might be more worthwhile for the stay-at-home spouse to find ways to spend less money instead of making more money. After three decades, I’ve exhausted all means to save money (except eating beans daily and not buying wine), but calculating the real costs of a second income might be revealing for some families.
Kristi says
You make a great point. I have found it very, very difficult learn and feel comfortable doing the things I didn’t learn growing up. And I went to boarding school. So I’m happy to do laundry. Cleaning up the kitchen — my childhood chore, so it’s easy.
This blog — seeing that women in the 21st century could love being at home, and exercise domestic gifts to find fulfillment — helped attract me to the Catholic Church. It was something I didn’t see among the Protestants I knew.
Thanks, Leila, for encouraging us to keep learning and doing the necessary work of homemaking!
Leila says
You’re welcome, Kristi — I’m so glad you found the Catholic Church. God be praised!
methylethyl says
Those articles certainly ring true for us! After ten years of marriage and two children, we may (or may not, I’m not sure where the line is, just that we’re close) have just, barely, this year, crossed the “poverty line” into… working class? I “stay home” with the kids (that makes it sound so sedate. Not the reality: I cook everything, take care of the household, and homeschool the kids). We ran the numbers: on 3/4 of a college degree, my value in the workplace isn’t much. Once you subtract the costs of childcare, commuting, work wardrobe, a cel phone, convenience food (cooking everything from scratch is not just healthier, it’s cheaper!), the extra doctor visits that are inevitable when your kids are in daycare and school settings and getting sick every time something’s “going around” etc. etc. my contribution to the family income would be very, very small, and in no way would it make up for having our kids raised by strangers and educated by the (lousy) local school system.
It mystifies me that married people who have two, three, four times our income “can’t afford” to have a parent out of the workforce to raise the kids. I want to shake them and tell them they DO have some agency. The problem is that they want their lifestyle more than they want to raise their own kids. How is it that rich people can “afford” to stay home, and po’ folks like us can’t afford NOT to stay home, but all the folks in between…. they have no choice. Everybody’s gotta work. Math was never my strongest suit, but I’m pretty sure that doesn’t add up.
jadeddrifter says
One word: debt.
mrsnightskyre says
Student loan debt in particular. I know more than one family where both parents work and one income goes entirely towards paying the student loans.
Adele says
I appreciated your reminder that virtue is both given by God and worked for. The Schole Sisters reminded me of it this week as well when I was relistening to a podcast “I am not the holy spirit”. I love Celeste’s website as a way to see what is coming down the line and what is possible. I think it is possible to do all of Ambleside but only if you have the kids who want to do it all and your household in reasonable order. There is also much to be said for sabbath of all kinds. Rest is required for good work, just as work is required for good rest.
Sarah says
This is such an encouraging post. Thank you!
rozylass says
When women (or my male children) say they’re not good at something so they don’t do it, such as cooking housekeeping, sewing, etc. I ask them if they learned to walk and talk. Did they give up the first time they stumbled and fell? Did they quit talking when then mispronounced a word or used the wrong verb tense? NOOOO! So don’t quit when your first meals come out less than perfect. Don’t give up on sewing because your first attempts weren’t haute couture. Skills take time and much practice to acquire and master. Thanks for the reminder that we can learn and improve. After forty years of cooking, sewing, and keeping my own home I’m still learning new techniques and mastering old ones. Life is dull indeed if we stop learning.
Laura Ayars says
why would we want our sewing results to be haute couture? that stuff is awful! lol I actually want to WEAR the clothing I make! 😉
Amme says
One practical bit of advice that my husband and I derived from the “Two Income Trap” book: since two-income bidding on property in desired school districts has increased housing costs so dramatically, look into living in a decent neighborhood in the “wrong” zip code and homeschooling. You just might find something that saves you a ton. Whenever people refer to government schools as “free” it drives me nuts! You can easily pay 3-4x as much as our home cost in another part of the city. That’s hundreds or thousands of dollars each month saved by not having a “good” school district that we wouldn’t really have been happy with anyway. (It’s true that you can also sell the expensive house for more later and get the money back, and on paper it can look like a better “investment,” but that doesn’t help you in the midst of living real life and making a mortgage payment each month!)
Katie says
I read the Two-Income Trap (book) years ago, and I don’t remember it having that awful, condescending tone! My favorite part of the article is the idea of someone blowing all their money at TGI Friday’s. Gross.
I definitely understand the argument about the cost of working, but I think it distracts from the point. Even if you are bringing home a six figure income after your working expenses, it is still better to stay home. No calculations needed!
Leila says
Katie — I agree that there are so many positive goods of someone (the mother) being at home, that the economic argument hardly needs to be made. However, since people make the opposite argument all the time, that women find they MUST contribute to the household income, I think it’s worth examining the assumption that this is true.
Anamaria says
I recently read a very funny, entertaining book that contained a lot of truth- muddled with the idea that if we’re not good at homemaking we should throw in the towel, accept that things will be a disaster, and find something else that fulfills us. The impeccably dressed woman with the beautiful home even tells the author that her house is only like that because it’s her special gift.
As someone who is not well-trained/naturally gifted in this area of homemaking, that idea is frankly depressing! The truth that it’s something I can get better at is hopeful- I want a beautiful, comfortable, livable home! For myself, my children, to offer hospitality and facilitate community. No, that’s not my only passion- even in the realm of homemaking, I’m much more interested in cooking. But I certainly want to be competent!
The two income trap article was very interesting. I remember my dad reading it (and taking to Elizabeth warren about it) when it came out, but some of the stats on how it’s not just people wanting to live much fancier lifestyle, it’s just the cost of living, were really interesting. I don’t know if I buy it 100% but my husband and I have noted what professions most of our social circle is in (lots in oil, some lawyers etc), because things like having a reliable car, adequate health care, a decent place to live, etc, all cost money.
I also found many of her government based solutions compelling- most were not just the government swooping into fix things but different ways of regulating education and usury laws (some of which I think would be helpful, others I don’t- our state capped tuition for the public universities but the universities cut full-time teacher positions, not administrative costs, sports, etc). While personal responsibility is also important, laws capping interest rates, giving school choice, etc, are helpful and are not just the government providing services for “free.” (And note what she says about housing loans, 6 years prior to the financial crisis.)
And while I don’t want the government to pay for childcare, it was refreshing to read a liberal say that if the government were to do that, they should also pay me to care for my children.
Leila says
Anamaria, you make interesting points. It’s often overlooked– two-income households drive the costs of basic services and commodities up. If two incomes are in search of housing, the market will respond to that. If two incomes (and only two children) are in search of a university education, tuition will be high. That’s why it’s so frustrating for people to cite the cost of living as a reason for the wife to work — which comes first?
I would distinguish school choice from other policies, as it’s a case of the government returning control to parents — something politicians have proven loathe to do (Elizabeth Warren is no longer a fan). This distinction is the same as the one between a tax credit — not taking your money in the first place — and a “service”/distribution — taking the money and redistributing it as the bureaucrats see fit (and take their cut).
Relatedly, I wouldn’t trust the government that’s run along these lines to resist interfering with the freedom of a woman staying home with her children. It hasn’t worked out that way in countries with government-paid maternity leave and child care. The pressure is all on women to return to work and have only two children. Politics is downstream from culture. Ultimately things change and get better when people decide to live according to something other than conventions dictated by those who don’t have their best interests at heart.
Sarah says
Hi Leila,
Just wanted to share that I was inspired this month (from LMLD) to start building up the culture and had a bonfire for the eve of the Nativity of John the Baptist (our first for this feast)! We invited a family that lives in reasonable distance to us over, whom we are just getting to know and we all had a fun evening! Simple cookout foods, prayers, and we just burned our big brush pile from winter fall down. Thank you for the encouragement of LMLD! I am looking forward to the book you are working on and hope it will be in paper!
Leila says
Sarah, wonderful!
L says
At least you linked to Celeste in the same post where you remind us that we can grow in competence- wow. That lady is amazing. She’s inspired me to write out a (loose) schedule for my homeschooling kindergartener next year, but I have to confess to the feeling that my approach is going to lack some sophistication.
I’m just going to ask a very shameless, obviously ignorant question. My husband has been very drawn to The Well-Trained Mind’s picture of homeschooling. Is one of the draws (among many other, I’m sure!) of a Charlotte Mason approach that it accommodates a large family well? We only have two children and a baby expected in December right now, but I’m wondering if our homeschool vision has accounted for the shifting needs of a growing family well.
Kelsey says
L, I am just beginning my homeschooling journey with my own children, but I do have some years’ experience teaching in a variety of settings – including a hybrid school where students followed a “classical” curriculum at home three days per week and had formal classroom instruction the other two. For my own very young kids, I am choosing a Charlotte Mason-style path.
Celeste is amazing and very inspiring. I would encourage you to poke around on her blog a bit and see what she did with her oldest children when they were just starting school – I bet it will seem less intimidating. Charlotte Mason, herself, discouraged formal academics until age six at the earliest, although if you read her original writings, she did really expect young children to gain a lot of knowledge from everyday experiences that we might need to *intentionally foster* in today’s techy, indoor world. One of Mason’s most famous sayings was that education is an atmosphere, a discipline, and a life. It really is about ordering your family culture toward all the riches we want for our children!
I know many large families who embrace a style of homeschooling more along the lines of WTM, with more-or-less success and enjoyment. For me, I don’t really find that approach exciting or energizing, though there is much to admire about it. But it’s worth considering what delights you, the teacher.
If you’d like more direction in a CM-style kindergarten approach (mostly reading books together!) I’d suggest looking up Mater Amabilis, which is the only Catholic CM-style curriculum I am aware of. We’ve been richly blessed by their recommendations.
L says
Thanks Kelsey! I did go back in her archives after you mentioned it and it is more accessible to me. I’ve been a very passive observer of Charlotte Mason homeschooling so her sixth grade in review post did read a little like a foreign language to me.
We had been planning on sending our son to a two day a week school/ three day homeschool program in the Fall, but we’ve reconsidered for a variety of reasons and are now experiencing just a bit of angst. It’s neat that you taught at a school like that! I still think the hybrid school by us seems like a wonderful school, even though it’s not right for us. And what a boon that experience must be to your own homeschooling skills, even if your approach isn’t quite the same!
Leila says
L, in my homeschooling posts I discuss why I like CM — the issue for me with the WTM is that it tries to fit every child into a heavily “elite prep school model” of “classical” education. The problem is that while each child must have a certain KIND of education and a certain LEVEL of exposure to fundamental ideas and grammar (broadly understood), not every child is going to have an academic bent — and for the many who do not, the curriculum is going to be more “drag them through” that you could just send them to school for.
Most importantly, it leaves out all the important aspects of an education that are not found in books per se. Nature, observation, music, learning to do things (what we call “crafts” but which are more comprehensive). CM incorporates all that.
Leila says
L –If you look between the lines of Celeste’s post, paying attention to how much time she spends on each topic/subject, I think you begin to see the difference, and it’s not only for large families. The “great books” “classical” approach is not the one that fulfills the child’s human nature.
On the ambleside site (amblesideonline.org) there are summaries of CM’s works. I highly recommend reading those.
What isn’t said in the WTM approach is that the author had other people to help her in her homeschool… and it was still a slog (if you are to believe her own “one day in the life of” posts on her blog).
jadeddrifter says
L, about a year ago, I was in a similar position: I had a 5-yr-old, 3-yr-old and a 6-month old. You and your children are in a really important stage right now, and I second looking at AmblesideOnline (it’s what I use) to see what CM said about this stage of life. Not only does Ambleside summarize CM’s philosophy and pull out some of her key principles, but they have reproduced her complete works for free as etexts. Ambleside also has an online forum where you can chat with other experienced CM moms and maybe find somebody who lives near you to share the journey with. I’m in a CM discussion group, and it has been incredibly empowering and encouraging.
I also second whomever was talking about listening to the Schole Sisters podcast. The hostesses are all experienced classical homeschoolers whose wisdom you can glean while you do dishes. 🙂
Michelle says
I was wondering if any of you could recommend a book of just general housekeeping instruction. After 16 years of marriage, I’m still not what I would call competent. I like to imagine that if I just had the right book, everything would be perfect!
Leila says
Michelle, if you read through these posts: http://likemotherlikedaughter.org/reasonably-clean-house/ you will find my recommendations for books I like (and why) and also just an easy-to-follow method for getting ahold of your cleaning issues 🙂
Meg Cooper says
A book that I turned to as a new homemaker was Home Comforts by Cheryl Mendelson.
Diana says
My goodness, Auntie Leila – I read that homeschool round-up post and spent the rest of the day in despair, LOL!!! I am going to go back and read it again, but only a bit at a time this time. I think it’s like fine fudge – a bit is good, too much will knock you flat on your back. How on earth she manages all of that is something I will never understand! But thanks for the link!!
Leila says
Diana, I know — I was afraid of that! I admit it gave me a bit of a sinking feeling, looking back on my own homeschooling career.
But just the visuals should be really heartening. I know that when I dropped the dumb “write a paper” model from my own schooling and finally understood things like the commonplace book and the history timeline, my homeschooling got better.
The summer is a good time to ponder what we can reasonably do — and what we can open up for our children to learn. What I love is that when they learn this way, with notebooks and real books, they are doing the schooling, not “being schooled” by us. That’s quite liberating, actually!
Donna L. says
I know what you mean, Diana! I loved your idea of *fine fudge*–yes!
I suppose I will always wonder if the work I do, and the learning they do is enough….Will it ever be?
Celeste says
Leila, I am so honored by your sharing my blog! And I hope it doesn’t discourage anyone to see the fruit of our efforts and not the day-in-day-out efforts themselves. As you said, our learning lifestyle is the result of small habits built over time and a deep delve into Charlotte Mason’s philosophy and practices. You hit the nail on the head in your assessment of Mason meeting the needs of the whole child and not just his intellectual self. I love this style for its depth AND breadth — and, perhaps most of all, for its encouragment for mothers also to find joy and rest in self-education of all sorts. So inspiring for moms of littles or of large families. <3 Thank you for all you do!
Leila says
Celeste, thank you for your great post! Yes, we all can be discouraged at the many different things we stumble across that seem wonderful but unreachable. But when we remember that we need to aim high and just do what we can, we become hopeful again! (I love that you spoke of the “baby year” — and how you gave the whole family time to enjoy the newness of it all — as well as recover, of course! Such a good way to approach real life as it happens.)
Marta says
For what it’s worth, regarding the LMLD theme song, I am somehow reminded: “once you know the notes to sing, you can sing most anything….”
Leila says
Marta — haha!
Catie H says
What a wonderful roundup of articles and sites! These are especially helpful for me to read right now as I have been experiencing some angst as I consider the currently touted front runner for the SCOTUS nominee. She seems phenomenal!! And yet I think of her children.
Dixie says
Catie, in my opinion it is usually best for all concerned if the mother of (young, especially) children “stays home.” But that is a general statement — there are still individual situations where that is not the case. We rarely know the particularities of someone else’s situation. So it’s not that women/mothers should never be professionals, full stop. At least, that’s how I see it!
Dixie says
(That is to say, it may be right that she is doing this, including for her children.)
Emily says
Hi Auntie Leila! I have a really random question for you– I was looking at the baby quilt you made for Rosie a while back (it is the one with that really pretty pink floral fabric and the yellow fabric), and I love it! I was just wondering if you remembered what sizes the squares were on that quilt? I actually found the same pink fabric online and on sale, and would love to make a similar quilt. Thank you!
Emily
Leila says
Emily, maybe they were 6 or 8 inches? Sorry I can’t remember. And I think it’s packed up now, as Rosie is in the process of moving!
Rosie says
I will try to remember to measure when I see it while unpacking!
Emily says
Thank you, Rosie! I would be grateful, but I also completely understand if you are too busy:)
Laura S. says
I LOVE your pep talks, Auntie Leila! Always come at just the right time.
Have you ever done a post about how you whittled down AO to be feasible for your family? I’m looking in the ‘education’ posts but not finding anything yet.
Leila says
Laura, somewhere I talk about how I used it mainly as a booklist and guide for making my own curriculum, which I do describe here: http://likemotherlikedaughter.org/2016/01/old-fashioned-homeschool-planning-in-a-binder/
Making your curriculum means looking at the coming year (usually that’s the time period — it could be a half-year but I’d worry that I’d not want to revisit this process in the post-holiday daze) and making a list of what you want to do — and then finding the materials with which to do it! Ambleside is so helpful for that process.
I love that they go beyond “great books” and remind us of the importance of singing hymns and folk songs (I’d add chant), going on nature walks/studies, and learning crafts and other arts.
You can only do so much, and that’s fine. What’s important is that what you DO choose be of high quality and connected to the past.
caitlinloiko says
Nothing to add to the discussion but very sincere gratitude– thank you for distilling and describing, so well, this point of view. It has been formative for me and I am very grateful!
mrsnightskyre says
I was just on the phone with my mother today. She was complaining that she never learned to do things like laundry (and cooking!) while she was still at home, but instead had to learn them later.
She, the career-driven feminist, COMPLIMENTED ME on the job I am doing, teaching my children how to do things that contribute to the family (folding & putting away laundry, cleaning the bathroom, etc.)
I have been a stay-at-home mom for almost 10 years now, and that was music to my ears. If even she can recognize the value of what I’m doing with my kids, I am definitely doing (some of) it right!
Sara says
Auntie Leila, this is up there with my favorite things you’ve ever written! I’ve been thinking about it since you posted.
I have felt all the things you describe, and, legitimately, I don’t think I started out with a very homemaker-y temperament in many respects – although I would have made a truly excellent absent-minded professor. Looking back, it seems like just drifted in a state of constant discouragement – I don’t know how I didn’t just throw in the towel! I couldn’t figure out why things didn’t seem to be getting even a little bit better – I knew this was important! And I had surely read every homemaking, household management book or blog to be found! Then a few years ago, I read Pieper’s book on St. Thomas and in it, he writes that a less-prudent plan that is actually executed is in fact MORE PRUDENT than a more-prudent plan that is never carried out. That, and a few other things, finally got it through my excessively-abstracted brain that if I want to get better at homemaking, at some point I just need to do less thinking about homemaking and more homemaking! Even if it’s pretty lame to begin with (which it was and in many respects still is). But I’ve adopted that Chesterton line as a bit of a battle cry and I can see it happening – we are getting somewhere and I have a sense of contentment and gratitude that has kind of surprised me.