The weekly “little of this, little of that” feature here at Like Mother, Like Daughter!
(This will all look and work better if you click on the actual post and do not remain on the main page.)
Wool and fires in the wood stove here in mid-April — but dashing out in the partial sun to fix up a bed or two, an hour here and an hour there, when the rain and snow take a break.
Every time I go out there, I see more that needs to be done. All I can say is, if *I* can plant peas, so can you! Hopefully my shabby garden gives you the thought, “Maybe I can do it… ”
Whatever “it” is for you!
On to our links!
- Have a serious art student in your life, or someone who would like to become one? The Artist, Deirdre's husband, is offering a summer workshop in the Boston area. Please share this with your homeschooling groups and art associations.
- A beautiful reflection on what her semester in Rome has come to mean to her, by a Thomas More College sophomore.
- I loved this video explaining how chicks (and human beings) get oxygen before birth. Very good explanation accompanied by excellent graphics.
- Free online courses from top universities. Most of them won't be worth the time, but there's bound to be some gems hidden in there.
- Joseph Sciambra writes intensely, but indispensably, about homosexuality. Here is his latest, a beautiful tribute to Fr. John Harvey, founder of Courage, an apostolate to support in chastity those with same-sex attraction.
In Dating Project thoughts:
- This past week I posted about (and saw) The Dating Project. In this post I list many of my own thoughts on dating, marriage, and moral development. A friend pointed me to this essay about the history of dating in the US in the 20th century, which highlights the problems with the notion.
- Here's Brad Miner's review of the movie. Brad is the author of The Compleat Gentleman: The Modern Man's Guide to Chivalry. I have it on order now — have you read it? I have two excellent books to talk about for women (Return to Modesty and The Jane Austen Guide to Happily Ever After — hope to post about them soon), but nothing for men that is grounded in natural law (not evolution) and moral conduct. (These are affiliate links to Amazon — your purchase sends a little cash our way, thank you).
- Prof. Kerry Cronin (the driving force behind The Dating Project) offers with a deeper look at intimacy than comes across in the film.
While you’re sharing our links with your friends, why not tell them about Like Mother, Like Daughter too!
We’d like to be clear that, when we direct you to a site via one of our links, we’re not necessarily endorsing the whole site, but rather just referring you to the individual post in question (unless we state otherwise).
Mignon says
I think the free on-line courses link is not right! It was linked to the history of dating article—- which, by the way, is fascinating!
I, too, went to see the Dating Project movie (thanks for the heads up on it, or I would have missed it!) and I found it really interesting and sad all at the same time. That students are so absorbed in communicating via technology that they no longer even know how to invite someone out to spend a little time with them is lamentable. That students are so hungry for a critique of the culture in which they participate (the “hook up culture”) and advice on how to get out that they would come, by the hundreds, to hear a philosophy professor give her insight and advice, is astounding. But, of course, it affirms that God-given longing for real connection, the desire to be truly human. Hook up culture not only fails to provide it, but it also dehumanizes the people who participate in it.
Thanks, as usual, for your wonderful thoughts (your critique on the movie) and your links!
Leila says
Thanks for your comment, Mignon –and I fixed the link.
Rozy says
I read Return to Modesty some years ago and really liked it for the author’s understanding of eternal truths and sharing a way to restore some forgotten ways.
When our next to youngest was still in high school I learned the discouraging state of today’s “dating” culture. He wanted to take a girl out to dinner as a way to get to know her better. He asked girl after girl and they all said no. He then found out that, contrary to what he understood, going on a date meant you were going steady. It’s difficult to navigate the seas of relationships when the terms are confusing, and the definitions and connotations change rapidly. But isn’t that what the devil wants? To disrupt relationships, confuse roles, and dissolve the family? We have to be ever vigilant and encouraging of our young people so they too can know the joys of lasting love and family relationships that grow sweeter over time.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and links.
Leila says
Rozy, I hope you have a chance to read my own dating post. I do think that a boy in high school asking a girl to go to dinner — a real “date” in the sense that most of us think of one (as opposed to “getting an ice cream”, the “Level 1 Date” that the movie promotes at first) — is premature.
To me, taking a girl to dinner is now in what Prof. Cronin calls “Level 2 Dating” and I would call being somewhere on the path of getting to know someone with marriage in mind. And this is just not appropriate for high school.
To me, this kind of dating is burdensome on the girl, because I think we have to recognize that whatever our societal norms of very late marriage might be, with people in their late 20s getting married, the biological imperative is for a person of reproductive maturity to want to reproduce.
Keeping in mind that girls mature more quickly than boys, we have to understand that a high school girl is to a certain extent (even if she doesn’t admit it to herself or to others) thinking *very long term* when a boy shows interest.
That’s just normal.
So we have to help them at this age to keep things light, to get to know many people, and to refrain from anything smacking of “steady dating.” In a funny way, maybe the parents of these girls were protecting them even if they weren’t aware of it. It’s not, you understand, that your son had anything but good motives. But it’s best to keep the fight far from the walls.
Adele says
Sadly we still can’t plant peas…We had six inches of snow on Wednesday. Thank you for bringing up all this discussion on dating. It is too soon for my girls but it won’t be soon and fore warned is fore armed.
Carol Kennedy says
That history of dating article was fascinating. And it dashed a lot of my ideas of what the “good old days” were like! In discussions with other single women (back in my extended single years, before age 37), I used to distinguish between what I called “dating as a state of being” and “going on dates”. In the history article, I guess this would be “going steady” vs “dating as rating”, though I really felt “going on dates” was the proper way to get to know someone, and that, especially in the uber-Catholic circles that I ran in those days, it was so mis-understood. I saw more “dating as a state of being” and “playing at married” in those Catholic circles, which I saw as too much pressure for people, too fraught with premature meaning. I thought “going on dates” was the answer. I never saw the “dating transaction” aspect that the article brings up. It basically says the idea of a man taking a woman on a date comes from prostitution!! And I can see that aspect now.
I didn’t really date much at all prior to getting married at 37, and I don’t really think I dated my husband. We met online, talked on the phone a lot, met in person a few times and then got engaged. (it was long distance). We went out to dinner and took walks and drove around during those times we met, but by that time we knew each other pretty well from writing and talking a lot and I never felt like those were “dates” so to speak.
So what is the answer? I think the idea of “courtship” as talked about in many Evangelical circles (and mentioned in the movie review) is just too much pressure for young people. It fills every boy/girl interaction with so much meaning–whether from the point of view of the observers of the interaction, or from the couple themselves. The idea of having coffee, taking a walk, talking on the phone and interactions like that seem to be closer to the idea of the young man coming to call on the young woman (from the joke at the beginning of the history article). But now that I read the history article, I can’t help seeing the math equation when I hear the word “date”: man’s company + money = woman’s company + ?
Victoria says
I’m so fascinated by light and how we respond to it. After reading the following blog post a while back (sorry, some vulgarities in there), my husband and I were inspired to buy a couple of kerosene lamps at Walmart for evening prayers and story time. I can’t guarantee anything about sleep cycles, but it is relaxing and makes a nice segue into sleep for everyone.
http://www.jdmoyer.com/2010/03/04/sleep-experiment-a-month-with-no-artificial-light/
Laura in Ontario says
Planting peas: Last year I tried planting peas directly outside and they simply did not come up. Perhaps they were eaten by voles, of which we have many, perhaps it was too dry, I don’t know. This year I planted some outside again, and although I’ve kept them watered they simply have not come up, I think it’s been two weeks. I dug up a couple today and they were still there and just barely starting to sprout. I sort of doubt now that I will get a crop from them before the hot weather comes by the end of May. But – I also planted some peas inside in peat pots, covered them with a plastic bag to keep them moist and set them on one of those heating mats for germinating seeds. They came up very quickly, like literally in about 3 days, and are already two inches tall. I’m going to plant them outside today. So what I have learned is, peas are actually a good crop to plant inside and then transplant outside. It seems that they need a lot of moisture to germinate and also that despite the fact that they are a cold weather crop, heat does in fact help them to germinate.
Do you have any particular pea-growing tips, Leila?
Leila says
Laura, I don’t have much in the pea department. I did read one interesting tip, which is that they don’t like oxygen as they are sprouting. When you plant them you should press the soil down gently so that there are no air pockets.
Here the old wives’ tale is to plant them on St. Patrick’s (or St. Joseph’s) Day — the ground was frozen hard and 6″ of snow this year! So a month later… I find if I plant them pretty deep and press out the air, they germinate. I have nowhere to start them indoors so…
Stephanie says
You and the Chief look so lovely in the picture you included in your “Restoring Sanity” post! (At first glance, looking at the small version while reading the site on my phone, I thought it was a wedding photo! 🙂 But in any case, it’s a lovely glimpse into your early days – it’s neat to see you looking as happy and dignified then as you do now (and now as you did then)! Thank you for sharing that with your community of readers.)
Also, a thousand times YES to your suggestion of going for walks. And a thousand times yes to taking and making time for truly conversing with friends!
If you were inclined to elaborate on your thoughts sometime, I would love to hear more of your ideas and guidance on how to “recover” virtue “if it’s lost,” as you describe in that post.
Thanks, as always, for your lovely blog! 🙂
Leila says
Thanks, Stephanie!
Do you mean this bit?: “the thought that it’s considered normal for young people to treat intimacy as its opposite — something detached and separate from their inner selves, something they must recover from in order to regain feeling. We simply must help our society recover its sanity.”
Stephanie says
Hello, Auntie Leila!
I’m sorry for the confusion – no, I didn’t mean that bit; I meant the part where you speak of bringing up children “who know what virtue is and how to recover it if it’s lost.”
Thank you! 🙂
Leila says
Oh, no problem… I just meant that they know the moral law and know that they can go to Confession to recover the grace lost when sin is committed.
We have to speak frankly to our older children about life away from home — drinking, drug use, sexual activity. I did go over that in my post on dating. We have to say things like “there will be binge drinking and that is wrong. Losing your reason is wrong, it’s a sin, because man is a reasonable animal!” And so on.
And they need to be used to going to Confession and know where to go at school!
Stephanie says
Thank you so much, Auntie Leila! 🙂