I went all-in at Thanksgiving (here is a picture of my table(s) before the food got there) and am just recovering — how about you?
My little Advent series so far:
I keep getting mail about Christmas parties and what to do about them.
Here's one that I would say is more or less representative, from dear Suzette:
How do/did you handle Christmas celebrations held before Christmas? We would like to live the seasons of the Church, but each year the extended family gathers for Christmas during Advent and gathers for Easter on Good Friday. [Me: Yikes, seriously?] We do not attend the Good Friday “Easter” party [Me: Phew.], but have been attending “early Christmas.” This year our oldest is nearly five and I would really like to see us be able to live the Church seasons.
And here's another from dear Carly:
My husband and I have been hosting Christmas Day celebrations for the better part of 13 years, give or take a couple. We have six children. Our oldest is 13, our youngest is three months. We are on one income. My husband works long hours so that I can be home with the children. Hosting Christmas Day has become too hard. As you know taking care of your own on a daily basis is a challenge. How do I tell my extended family that I can't do it this year? Or maybe even next? Thank you for your advice.
And from dear “Wondering,” whom I met at a playground get-together in Wichita this summer (I'm paraphrasing here):
Our family drives 12 hours on Christmas Eve to spend 10 or so days at my mother's. The extended family gathers but hardly anyone cares to go to Mass, decorate a tree, sing a carol, or even make a nice meal or feast. We love seeing our family but are wondering if our 6 children (eldest, 12) are experiencing this Holy Day as they ought.
You get the idea and probably have some variation on the theme in your own life. Overwhelmingness, affection, liturgical/cultural inappropriateness, conflicting emotions, frightening expense, a sense of opportunity cost.
What to do, what to do.
I confess that for the most part, the opposite problem was the case for me — too few family members, as I'm an only child of divorced parents. And this fact makes me realize that no one blogger can answer your concerns, however committed to giving advice she may be.
But Jesus has the answers. We could ask Him. Yes, the topic is parties, which seems fairly frivolous. Should we bother Him with such pettiness? Does it matter so much?
Auntie Leila says yes, because how we spend the hours given us matters. We can't ignore that our choices shape our children's experiences of these times. If we spend all of Advent hopping from one glittering, candy-and-decorated-cookie, gift-wrapped, Frosty-the-Snowman-blaring, and holiday-punched event to another, Christmas Day will be a let-down (not least because we parents will be super grouchy).
On the other hand, other people are indeed the point of all our efforts here on earth! Our connections, our affection, our gratitude — we can't ditch all that, literally at the altar of our religious convictions.
We are living in a time when the culture of faith is, as we so often hear, opposed to popular culture. People are not on the same page. We will help them by worshiping aright, yes. But not by cutting all the ties.
So this is what I think maybe we could take to prayer and talk to Him about:
1. Worship is the goal.
Every human being is made for worship. The family is where the child learns to worship, and each child has to learn anew and be given the opportunity to have memories and experiences that shape his ability to give God His due. It's our responsibility to see that this happens. Each season in the liturgy has its own character. Let's just decide on how our family will live all this out.
When you put the big decisions in place, the little ones follow.
I wonder what we thought that Jesus meant when He said that he would set father against son and mother against daughter? Could it be that one thing He meant that our first duty is to raise our children to worship Him? Specifically, that if on Christmas Day the main impression the children will have is that the adults are going to sit around doing whatever, it might be time to postpone that trip to your family's for a few days?
I guess I'm asking, “What is the object lesson your child is learning here?”
2. Family is important and we are not disembodied, disconnected beings.
Let's communicate! A party before Christmas can work — we could organize Advent songs and even a Lessons and Carols sort of event before cookies and punch, with the lighting of the Advent wreath (because who doesn't love candles?). If it's close to Christmas (and Gaudete Sunday, the third Sunday of Advent, is a fine time for such a gathering), carols and festive food are certainly appropriate. Is there a rule somewhere that we can't talk things over? Is there an ally amongst the relatives who could help?
As to presents, I've always thought that one of the most delightful ways to celebrate the 12 Days of Christmas (after Christmas Day, to be clear) is to designate one of the days to open a box that's been sent from a generous relative. That way, Christmas Day is relieved of what can often just be gift overload, with well thought out presents given hardly a glance. A box a few days later is always exciting.
Can relatives be convinced that this is the way to go? I hope so.
3. Office parties (and their ilk) are dispensable.
If you want to go, go. If not, don't go! Don't wear yourselves out. If it's specifically a church “Christmas” party during Advent, I wouldn't go (and I would tell the pastor why). Too confusing to the children to have the church seem to be at odds with what we are trying to teach them.
4. Hosting is important if you can swing it.
Thinking of Carly's question, above, about Christmas Day:
If your hosting takes the form of morning to night with present unwrapping for everyone in a large, extended family, why not consider having “tree/present” time just for your own family and having the dinner and gathering later, after all that has taken place?
Or what about suggesting a gift exchange where you draw names out of the hat so that there isn't an exponential number of gifts? Another solution is to pick one of the 12 Days — New Year's Day is the Eighth Day and the great Feast of the Mother of God — to have your extended family party. And of course, there's the Feast of the Epiphany, which could involve crowns and cake!
If the issue is more affording the meal and all that goes into hospitality, can you simply ask for more help? Make it a pot luck? Dessert? Brainstorm how to do it frugally? I am always so done with turkey by Christmas, and would much rather have roast beef or ham or really anything else, but for sure for many years I bought the extra turkey at Thanksgiving time while it was dirt cheap, kept it in the freezer, and pulled it out for Christmas Day.
I encourage you to look a bit beyond the horizon of feeling overwhelmed by your own day-to-day with littles, if you can (and I totally relate, having lived through the exact same situation — barely keeping it together in ordinary circumstances, feeling the financial pressure).
Try to imagine how things will be in just a few years. Having a house full of teenagers with only a few littles is very different from what you have now. The awareness of the older children becomes heightened. They go from simply accepting family life as it is, to a gradual comparison of how others react to the family's way of doing things and, hopefully, to an appreciation of what our family offers to others.
Here is a great benefit of hospitality in the home. We connect ourselves to others and our children thrive, because they see that we aren't closing ourselves off but have open arms, giving our best. Hospitality is vital and fundamental to the development of our children's personalities.
Most children are hard-wired to love how their family does things and to form good memories of “the things we always do.” Events that stress us adults out — you know, the ones where you are acutely aware of the shortage of wine glasses and the relatives who disapprove of homeschooling and the lamp that got broken just before they arrived — are remembered by the children with a lot of warmth.
What they care about is that their cousins were there and that they got attention from the aunts and uncles — and hopefully what the guests received is the gift of being in your home.
This can be decisive for them in later years, especially today when young people have so few role models for how to live family life and how to make a home. When you host, you set the tone, and that's important.
You are embarking on that second decade that I talk about… and you are tired… but if you drop the ball now, it may be hard to recover. Something like a holiday party can seem dispensable, but is it? Later, will you lament the weakening of bonds in the family, who see each other in a festive way so seldom? Or will you turn it all over to someone else and regret the lack of refinement or attention to what you really value?
This developmental moment can be productive for you — it can be a time when you and your husband ask the utterly practical question, “What would make things more conducive to hosting?” It might be that you need to make a few changes in decor, furnishings, or upkeep; and when you do, you find that you look forward to entertaining more — in other words, it's that things have gotten run down or are inadequate that makes you reluctant, not that you actually want to get out of the gathering.
Often we need these deadlines and pressures to make us take things to a new level… and that new level is for the sake of the children who, very shortly, will be aware enough to either take pride in how we do things, being open to welcoming others into the home, or lapse into a general sense of our home not being a place where outsiders can be comfortable.
So — a little gentle warning: Some families never recover, right at this stage that's so crucial to the children. Better to go thrifting, repair and clean a few things, make what you need, and assume that people want to be in your company, not judge your situation.
Sometimes, though, I hear you — we really just need some time off so that we can regroup. Again, you and your husband pray about it and then make a decision with peace and confidence! All will be well.
In short, we strive for balance but can't always achieve it. That's okay — we can make mistakes. What matters is that we follow the Lord where He wants us to go.
How have you managed this sort of thing at your house?
Robin says
On my husband’s side of the family, last year we started exchanging “family gifts” instead of drawing individual names. There are four siblings, all married, and this year we are up to a total of 14 kids! So each family unit has one other family that they buy a gift for. This has taken a lot of time and financial pressure off of everyone (we set a price limit too). Plus it is fun to brainstorm something that the whole family can enjoy together, instead of just another toy for every kid to take home and clutter up the house. This year all the siblings are going together so we can get something nice for my in-laws too, instead of each bringing a smaller gift. Thanks for all your helpful thoughts, Auntie Leila!
Marie says
When you host, you set the tone. So true and SO important when you have little kiddos. My six kids (ages 14 to 24) think a party on a feast day is a waste of time if there are no candles or saint statues, no singing of hymns, no grace before the meal, and no explanation of the feast day given by an adult. In other words, make a small “production” of it. These things bind us together spiritually, which is a much stronger bond than just a family get-together.
Mrs. Pickles says
Some dear friends of ours host a Christmas dessert potluck in the evening. This allows families to enjoy the bulk of Christmas day in their own way, but then gives everyone something to look forward to in the evening — thereby preventing those afternoon blahs that so often happen on Christmas day! I really like this plan, and if they don’t host this year we plan to do something similar.
Dianna says
Can I heartily recommend Lessons and Carols for Advent? Our family organized a small get together with friends (thankfully including a couple who can sing and are wonderful at the piano!). We did a short service (7 lessons) ourselves on Sunday after dinner. There are so many wonderful advent hymns out there!
I do have our booklet with hymns and a readings printout if there’s interest.
Jen says
Me please! I so want more advent things or CDs or anything for our family since Christmas music is blaring everywhere else!
Dianna says
Here’s what I did – there’s a PDF with the prayers and hymns, a version which is complied into a booklet, to printed double sided, and then the readings. The readings, as my husband, brought up a good Baptist is wont to do, are in the King James Version (save, obviously from the marvelous lesson from Baruch). They’re on a separate print out, as they’re quite long.
https://goo.gl/5lTI6v
Jen says
wow! thank you!
Jana says
Our family really enjoy singing the Advent songs from the Trapp family songbook, as well as an out-of print one called Christian Life in Song. There are also some fun rounds of Mozart set to the Rorate and O Come O Come Emmanuel texts that are less hymn-like and more homey for children singing around the fire. “Drop Down Dew” and “Ye Clouds of Heaven” from the Trapp book (arranged and harmonized by their Dad) is everyone’s favorite. Also, for recorded music around the house and in the car, we love “Advent in Ephesus” as well as Thomas Aquinas College’s “Hodie” and there are many choir CDs if you search ‘Advent” on Barnes and Noble or similar.
If you want a recorded version of the Nine Lessons and Carols service, this one has both the spoken lessons and the sung carols, (so kind of awkward for background music, BUT it includes the Great O Antiphons sung in their original chant settings – a wonderful way to prepare each day the last octave before Christmas Eve.) http://www.barnesandnoble.com/p/advent-carols-from-st-johns-christopher-robinson/277180/2686065598256?st=PLA&sid=BNB_DRS_Marketplace+Shopping+Media_00000000&2sid=Google_&sourceId=PLGoP2725&k_clickid=3×2725
Toni Graham says
Yes, I am interested in your booklet of Advent hymns, and also any other helps you may have for conducting a Lessons and Carols get-together!
Would you like my home address, or my email address?
Toni
Dianna says
Give me a nursing break or so and I’ll try to have it ready to upload 🙂
Dianna says
Here’s what I did – there’s a PDF with the prayers and hymns, a version which is complied into a booklet, to printed double sided, and then the readings. The readings, as my husband, brought up a good Baptist is wont to do, are in the King James Version (save, obviously from the marvelous lesson from Baruch). They’re on a separate print out, as they’re quite long.
https://goo.gl/5lTI6v
Katherine says
I come from a large family and either I or one of my sisters has hosted the extended family for holiday dinners (after my mother stopped doing it). We’re all practicing Catholics and my kids loved seeing their cousins. However, as our family got larger and older (with more outside commitments), it became harder for us to travel for Christmas. Now that we sing every weekend at our parish, it is almost impossible. Almost ten years ago I told my sisters and parents that we were staying home for Christmas from now on. Getting to mass, packing clothes, transporting kids and gifts and food had become too stressful and made Christmas less joyful. Not to mention that usually some kind of illness was passed around among the cousins between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I had my husband’s firm backing and he said I could always use the excuse of him as the unrelenting ogre if I needed to. I think my family (especially my mom) was hurt at first, but they did understand and now it has become normal for everyone to have their own family Christmas. My kids love staying at home for Christmas, reveling in our own family traditions, and not having to deal with the Christmas drama from the extended family (even if you are all Catholic, you are still human). It’s very festive, yet peaceful. We often try to get together with my family for a more low-key Epiphany party.
Josie says
Can I “like” this post?:))) we love staying home the only way too see either family is to travel for hours and hours and too many of us to sleep anywhere and not feel intrusive. BUT, my mom-in-law loves if everyone can make it for Feast of the Holy Family, yet she still puts no pressure on us. Love that woman:). No pressure makes you want to go:).
Laura says
I often offer to host family dinners on holidays, and spend so much time fretting over all of the cooking and dishwashing. This year, I told my in-laws that I’d host thanksgiving dinner, but the only things I could make we’re squash and cranberry sauce. The squash was already cooked and in the freezer when I made the offer. My husband is working crazy hours and it’s what I could reasonably handle. I told him them this so I wouldn’t keep thinking up dishes to cook and they said they’d hold me to the two dishes. They were more than happy to do the bulk of the cooking and coordinated what dishes the other family members would bring. It was so much more relaxing which benefitted my husband and kids, too. We had a really nice meal. For advent this year, we’re keeping our calendar as clear as possible so we can slowly clean and decorate the house.
Jen says
great idea! i feel like advent is frenetic because of all the praying i am trying to get in and all.the.advent.activities, so I am not sure it is actually quiet and peaceful. but honestly, life just isn’t quiet and peaceful with kids!
Eva says
I’d like to comment on the perpetual hostess issue. We’ve been married 31 years, and even during the financially tight years in grad school when we lived far from home, we ended up hosting an apartment full of people for holidays. We did it out of love. There have been times in later years (like the Christmas my husband was in the middle of radiation treatments and our kids were little) when it made me angry that no one else in the family volunteered to take over, but continuity was important so I gritted my teeth, smiled and kept going. Right now we live (and I work) in a parish which is bilingual. I stopped complaining about hosting anything the first time we went to novena prayers for Our Lady of Guadalupe. The home for the first night of prayer was warm and welcoming but we were stuffed into the row home where our hosts lived in true poverty. At the end, we shared posole which I am sure used their food budget for the week. All 30 or 40 of us took turns eating as there were only 6 chairs. Anything done for God’s glory is worth doing, and as little time or money as we feel we have, someone, somewhere has far less. When we feel in our hearts that we are doing something for God, the burden feels lifted. He doesn’t care about fancy, He cares about feeding us. if we can get this across to our kids, then Glory be to God!
Wendy says
“He doesn’t care about fancy, He cares about feeding us.” What a wonderful way to remember the reason behind the hosting. That we are being fed by being together, so that we can share the joy that has been gathered when we go out. Thanks for the reminder.
Anonymous this time says
Balancing a nuclear family Christmas with visiting extended family has been something that I have struggled with since my marriage. Currently, we switch off Thanksgiving and Christmas between my parents and in-laws, both of whom live at least a day’s drive away. When we visit, we go for at least ten days (since my husband is an educator, we have about 3 weeks off).
Christmas with my parents is close enough to the way I would celebrate it at home. But aside from Mass, Christmas with my in-laws doesn’t have much in the way of religious customs or tone. Some people in the extended family aren’t Catholic anymore. It’s hard to emphasis your own traditions when you are the guest. On the in-law years, we have Christmas with my husband’s parents a few days before Christmas, Christmas with all the extended family on Christmas Day, and Christmas with our nuclear family on Epiphany Sunday. The disconnect from the liturgical year drives me nuts.
I am grateful that we still have family living that we can visit, but I don’t have much Christmas spirit left by the time we get to Epiphany. We try to make it special, but usually we have just gotten back into town after a day or two’s drive. The novelty of Christmas treats has worn off, the kids have seen baby Jesus in the manger for at least a week, and my extended family is very generous with gifts, so even that is old hat. Most of our friends are educators too, and take advantage of the holiday to see their extended families, so it’s usually just us for dinner.
Elizabeth says
I tried celebrating Christmas and Easter (and other major Christian holidays) with my family and inlaws. I really did try. But even before we became Catholic and had kids, it was a burden for both my husband and myself. Our families are active protestants, so we do share our Christian feasts and values. But the culture is so different. I can’t handle having to separate the experience of my Faith from the festivities. I’d go to mass and feel so full of the mystery and miracle, only to arrive at our families’ house and immediately losing the feeling. They outnumber us and their culture dominates ours. I need order and wonder, for myself, to be able to communicate it to my children. As a convert, I want to soak up all the Catholicness I can around major holidays. It doesn’t well up from within, because I have no Catholic roots.
So my husband and I have decided we won’t visit our families, nor will we host them. This may sound very harsh, but it’s only because we don’t feel strong enough. We have to grow and nurture a Catholic culture in our own family while the kids are still small. Maybe when we have matured as Catholics and our kids are older and used to the way we do things, will we be able to host non-catholics again.
Yes, we sometimes feel lonely at Christmas. But being with our families makes me -in the end- feel even more lost and lonely.
Dianna says
I’m so sorry that you’ve had that experience with your families.
But, as a fellow convert, let me encourage you: you will grow your own roots. Everyone does, convert or not. So many cradle Catholics grow up assuming these things are how they are and can do things blindly, but it’s as easily possible to be a Catholic lacking substance of the traditions they practice as a Protestant lacking knowledge of the fullness of truth they don’t yet know.
Having chosen this life and faith, you’ve an advantage of having made a real decision that yes, this is good. That these things are good, that you know this is something you want your children to embrace and cherish, to be a heritage when they’re older, to be strong and unafraid. You’ve also gifts you’ve undoubtedly brought with you as well and what Catholic traditions you form as a family can be stronger because of it. At the very least, your appreciation of the mystery and wonder of the feast days is a gift to your children. And what a witness your faith can be to your families as well.
Jana says
And the good news is that after this time of forming your family traditions, then they are TRADITIONs that you can joyfully and confidently live out in any context, because, after all, “The CHILDREN love to (sing Advent songs/decorate the tree on Christmas Eve/open gifts on Epiphany/insert other liturgically appropriate family tradition here_____.) Rare is the extended family member who would willfully step on a child’s expectation of a Happy Christmas. The sadness/awkwardness of not everyone joining in/”getting it”/approving etc. does not go away, but at least your children will be happy!
Mrs. F says
I don’t think you sound harsh! My family isn’t practicing anything anymore, so we see them at Thanksgiving, because it pretty secular, and not much to butt heads about. Most of my husband’s family is still practicing the Faith, however, they fall into the secular ideas of Christmas/Easter fairly easily, so we don’t spend the actual holiday with them either. It does sound mean and it’s hard to get the point across at times, but when it comes down to it, those are Holy Days and not about gift giving, Santa, the Easter Bunny, or candy, they are about our Lord.
We also live far enough away that this hasn’t been much of a fight, but our plans to move closer to our family means we will have to revisit these “rules” with our families again. However, in the end, it does come down to being able to celebrate the Feasts authentically without the world trying to influence our family (mainly the children)!
As a side note, we don’t do gift giving with the extended family. We opted out a long time ago when we were poor newly weds, the poor young parents. Even with our children, we limit the gifts given and keep things to a minimum.
Mrs. F says
Follow up: When I say we see them at Thanksgiving, that’s not the only time we see them, we are open to seeing them anytime, but we don’t spend religious holidays with them because they don’t celebrate them beyond Santa/Easter Bunny.
Anastasia says
Thank you for the very timely (and I mean stage of life as well as time of year) post!! Also, you ladies have the loveliest commenters, their thoughts and experiences (and questions) add so much to this. I am also feeling the need to host, in order to preserve the right spirit, while at the same time holding a little time in each holiday just for our own little family.
Donna L. says
Such beautiful and thoughtful comments! I always learn so much from Auntie Leila and her dear readers….
Please pray for me, if you will, as this will be our first Advent and ChristMass without my oldest daughter, Jerica. I miss her every day, but would never ask her to return from Paradise~
Thank you and may God grant us peace and joy this Advent season–
Stephanie says
Just a fellow reader here who was touched by your request, Donna – will be praying for you this season. God bless you and your family!
Donna L. says
Thank you, Stephanie! I believe that prayers and hope is helping me find the “new normal” for our family…God bless you!
Leila says
Dear Donna, we are praying for you and your whole family!
Donna L. says
Dear Auntie Leila,
Thank you so much for your prayers for all of us–I would never ask her leave Paradise to be with us, but I miss her so!
May God richly bless you and your family~
Lauren says
Thank you so much for this beautiful post. I appreciate it so much!
Leila says
Thank you, Dianna, for the Lessons and Carols program! How helpful. I really want to do this in our home!
My friend Michael Olbash, music director and all-round awesome musician, posted this one (more for a church setting) on my Facebook page which he did last year (you need to pay attention to the year cycle):
Advent Lessons & Carols
St. Adelaide Parish, Peabody MA
Friday, December 12, 2014
7:00 p.m.
Prelude: “Veni Emmanuel” (Pinkham)
Hymn in Procession: “O Come, O Come, Emmanuel” #652
Welcome
Bidding Prayer
First Lesson
Reading: Isaiah 40:1-5.9-11 (Advent II-B)
Choir: “Prepare Thyself, Zion” from Christmas Oratorio (Bach), Youth Choirs
Hymn: O Come, Divine Messiah (Hymnal, #651)
Second Lesson
Reading: Mark 13:33-37
Choir: “Zion Hears the Watchmen’s Voices” (Bach), Men of the Choirs
Hymn: Rejoice, Rejoice Believers (Hymnal, #730)
Third Lesson
Reading: Luke 1:26-38
Choir: Ave Maria (Gregorian Chant) Women’s Schola & Student Schola
Hymn: The Angel Gabriel From Heaven Came (Missalette, #233)
Fourth Lesson
Reading: Luke 1:39-47
Choir: “Magnificat” from Evening Service in C Minor (Dyson) Youth Choirs
Hymn: Maiden, Yet a Mother (Hymnal, #632)
Fifth Lesson
Reading: from Isaiah 52-55 (Office of Readings, O.L. Guadalupe)
Choir: How Beautiful Upon the Mountains (Stainer) Adult Choir
Hymn: O Sanctissima (Hymnal, #684)
Sixth Lesson
Reading: Report by Don Antonio Valeriano (Office of Readings, O.L. Guadalupe)
Choir: Alma Redemptoris Mater (Gregorian Chant) Women’s Schola & Student Schola
Hymn: Lo, How a Rose E’er Blooming (Hymnal, #618)
Seventh Lesson
Reading: Matthew 1:1-15
Choir: Gaudete in Domino (Gregorian Chant) Men’s Schola
Hymn: People, Look East (Hymnal, #712)
Announcements & Offering
Lord’s Prayer
Blessing & Dismissal
Hymn: “Lo, He Comes With Clouds Descending” (Hymnal, #617)
Postlude: “Wake, Awake, For Night Is Flying” (Manz)
Dianna says
Interesting – I’ve seen that set of lessons before and the music looks lovely!
As a former Anglican I drew from their list for Advent Lessons, which are all Old Testament lessons and an optional Gospel. Feeling a bit limited in scope, I aimed for 7 rather than 9, and hymns we were already familiar with (I think for next year we’ll may try to add in Alma Redemptoris Mater in exchange for the Magnificat)
And I’ve met you before! We were the young family at St. Athanaius five years ago with two half Asian boys, who now six and nearly 5 respectively and two more little ones. We moved from Boston but are still part of the Ordinariate officially, though there’s no parish nearby. Lessons and Carols are part of the Anglican Patrimony, after all!
Mrs. B. says
Dianna, thank you so much for sharing your tradition (and your work!) – it looks a beautiful thing to do during Advent, even within one’s family. Hurrah for the Ordinariate!
Jana says
Our family really enjoy singing the Advent songs from the Trapp family songbook. There are also some fun rounds of Mozart set to the Rorate and O Come O Come Emmanuel texts that are less Churchy and more homey for children singing around the fire. “Ye Clouds of Heaven” from the Trapp book (arranged and harmonized by their Dad) is everyone’s favorite.
fleur says
This is something I have really struggled with for years. Thank you for addressing it.
And… my extended family also has a party on Good Friday.
Oye.
Stephanie says
Auntie Leila, your centerpieces and wreath are lovely (as is the whole post, of course)! If you don’t mind sharing, what is in the centerpieces besides the dried hydrangeas? And did you gather the holly for the wreath yourself? (Hydrangeas and holly are so pretty, aren’t they?) Did you ever study any kind of flower arranging, or just develop an eye for arranging them (like in the centerpieces) through talent and practice? In any case, I find these very aesthetically pleasing and a lovely, seasonal success! 🙂
Leila says
Stephanie, thank you! I have not studied flower arranging and consider myself to be the ultimate in hacking along when it comes to flowers or arranging… viz.: This centerpiece, which began this way: Blue bowl — I love it, but it’s glass and once I did something stupid like put some ice in it when it was warm or something — it has cracks all through it. But I couldn’t throw it away… so it often holds dried things or Pysanky eggs… I had hydrangeas in it and they were actually from last year.
So I squished those down — crushed hydrangeas make a good stable base for sticking in other things. In this case I put in azalea stems — my azalea is a scrubby thing that I only keep around because the leaves turn an awesome burnished red in the fall, and that looks great on the Advent wreath. I added dry hydrangea, lavender stems, lavender leaves (both those in separate bunches), and bittersweet that I had foraged a few days before. I hadn’t had a chance to save the hydrangea (as I usually do each year at the end of summer) or the lavender, but Habou came to my rescue.
Bittersweet, I’ve found, grows in the most inconvenient places: on train tracks, chain link fences, scrubby trees, and in abandoned lots. It also grows in the brush on the side of the highway, but I decline to risk speeding cars to get it. I limit myself to a possible mugging…
Once I put the bittersweet in (it’s very vine-y and not regular in shape), I needed to plunk more hydrangea in there to fill up the middle. I think that was my thinking! In any case, I love those colors together for Thanksgiving… Thank you for noticing my centerpiece!
Wendy says
Thank you so much for this article! I find myself in much the same situation as one of the letter-writers you quoted: six children, ages 11-6 months. We moved into a new house last year, I had a baby over the summer, back into homeschooling and I’m just keeping my head above water. We had thought of having a gathering of some kind but I didn’t know if I could summon the energy to pull it off. This article got me really excited- I contacted my husband at work and we decided to just go for it. We’re having an Advent sing-along this weekend and so far it looks like we might have almost fifty people! That’s what happens when you invite families with lots of children. 🙂 I’m excited about it and just wanted to thank you for the inspiration!
Donna L. says
Just a reader here saying, “Good for you for doing this!” I hope it is more fun than work~
Wendy says
It was a blast! Many people commented how much they enjoyed singing together and how beautiful the lyrics of the Advent songs are. Now I’m thinking about having sing-alongs at different times of the year- what other songs might we use? There would be a bunch for the Easter season. Maybe we’ll just make this our thing!