The weekly “little of this, little of that” feature at Like Mother, Like Daughter!
Thank you all so much for your prayers, kind wishes, and congratulations! We are at home, settling down, keeping a quiet schedule of nursing, napping, gazing, and changing diapers, enjoying this sweet sweet little girl!
Congratulations to all the readers who have also had babies recently! I know that there were many of you who were expecting around the same time as me (maybe that means that you had yours before me, since this little Miss came precisely at 42 weeks!).
And my sincere, heartfelt condolences to anyone who has lost a baby recently. I've been thinking of you and praying for you.
We're very excited to say that you should be hearing an announcement from OK very soon!
8 days old. Still very much spending our time on the couch! |
This week's links!
- This website, Kiddie Records Weekly, is the virtual equivalent of going over to Grandma's and thumbing through her old record collection. Of course, nothing (certainly not anything on the computer) can replace a visit to Grandma's, but at least this site preserves some fun old tunes from being lost to memory! And look at those fantastic retro covers! We haven't listened to these, so we can't promise that there isn't a danger of discovering obnoxious numbers. But we also wouldn't be surprised if there are some gems.
- The Surprising Benefits of Having Siblings; or, A Divorce-Prevention Measure that Lasts (at least) Two Generations! Helpful for understanding how having to interact with many people – on an intimate basis – every day can help one prepare for marriage in a way that being an only child cannot.
- There is a lot of interesting content in this set of 40 world maps! Some genuinely informative, some quirky, some humorous (and, apologies, a couple that are not appropriate for young or very sensitive eyes). I think it's worth taking a look.
- Given my current state, I am keenly interested in this item: Why Are America's Postpartum Practices So Hard on New Mothers? I happen to be very blessed with family and friends who are bringing me food and helping me with the apartment, not to mention a caring husband who – ah, the perks of being a teacher! – is free to take plenty of time to be present to the baby and me at home. And, since Auntie Leila is my mother, I've been given plenty of permission and encouragement to take the full time that I need to recuperate. But I know that my situation is the exception rather than the rule in our country!
- Recently, my circle of friends has been using TakeThemAMeal as a tool to organize meal-planning for new moms. I recommend it! It's very helpful to know the schedule and to know what dishes other folks are bringing, so that the family being served isn't getting a lot of repeat dinners.
- Of course, valuing life and valuing motherhood go hand-in-hand, so it shouldn't be a surprise that our culture fails to take good care of mothers, when we don't appreciate the gift of motherhood in the first place, the gift of life. On that note, I must pass on this succinct resource on the lies of Planned Parenthood (a few years old but still relevant). Written by Abby Johnson, it will help you, specifically, to respond to the falsehood about “only 3 percent of our revenue comes from abortion.”
- Auntie Leila recommends two posts from the same blog (ikatbag) this week: This one about a simple, homemade race car craft and this other one about how to shop for fabric with little ones. (Although Auntie Leila suggests, say, pretzel rods rather than graham crackers, which become foul and paste-like when gummed. But same idea: keep the kids occupied while you shop!)
- “Indeed we have heard of Fangorn in Minas Tirith,” said Boromir. “But what I have heard seems to me for the most part old wives' tales, such as we tell to our children…. Of old Fangorn lay upon the borders of our realm; but it is now many lives of men since any of us visited it, to prove or disprove the legends that have come down from distant years…..” “Then I need say no more,” said Celeborn. “But do not despise the lore that has come down from distant years; for oft it may chance that old wives keep in memory word of things that once were needful for the wise to know.” — J. R. R. Tolkien basically endorsing the Collective Memory Department in The Fellowship of the Ring.
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Marcia says
Your lovely little lady seemed to look straight to the camera! Pretty, pretty headband, too 🙂
Thank you for introducing me to the ikatbag site.
God bless.
Lisa G. says
You are fortunate indeed to have Leila Lawler as your mother. And you father, too, seems to have ahead of his time in his understanding of these matters (re-reading your mother's post about resting after the baby comes). Enjoy this time!
jswankdesigns says
Deirdre! We are doing our yearly listening of LOTR in our house right now and JUST passed that quote at the end of the Fellowship – one of my favorites that gets repeated in Return of the King. I had the thought that I should embroider it on a pillow and send it to Auntie Leila. 🙂 (By the way, if you know it not, the recordings read by Robert Inglis are phenomenal. That he sings(!) was what first recommended them to me and now I listen rather than read. But don't let that discourage you from making up tunes on the spot. Having children has enabled me to improvise tunes when before I was too self-conscious even in private. Congratulations! Your daughter is beautiful.
DeirdreLMLD says
How fun! Good to know about the Inglis recordings…
Rachel~ At the Butterfly Ball says
Deirdre, Your little one is such a pretty, pretty baby! Congratulations again! Please be sure to keep posting baby pictures here often, we do so enjoy seeing them!!
armyofseven says
Love the record site! I'm listening to Bambi now… I used to have this record when I was little!
And little Evangeline is just beautiful. Enjoy your babymoon!
priest's wife says
Baby love! Wonderful! We have an Evangeline, too…my niece, born much much wanted after 10 years + of marriage
Elizabeth says
Congrats new mama, you look so well!
American postpartum practices are indeed shocking to me. In Holland, a maternity nurse will come to your house for 8 straight days (each 8 full hours) to check on mom and baby (make sure nursing starts up well), do all the household duties (yes, groceries, cooking, deep-cleaning), take care of the other children and shoo out visitors if mom appears tired. I remember my mom especially appreciated that last one sometimes, because she didn't have the heart to send them away herself.
During these days, mom is supposed to be in bed most of the time, and the nurse will simply send you to bed if you're up and about for too long. Until world war 2 this period was as long as three weeks in Holland.
All this is to day that I am always amazed to see my American friends walking around the house after 2 days and then complaining about being sore. I am glad to see you're not doing it the American way!
DeirdreLMLD says
I agree 100%, Elizabeth! Definitely just needs to be a cultural change that starts in communities (with us!), not coming from expanding (already overblown) government. This is really a woman-to-woman matter — and a mother-to-daughter one!
Mama Rachael says
I agree that recovering from having a baby needs to be done differently here in the US. But please, please don't get the gov't involved! I cringe so hard when I read about what needs to be done and how we need federally mandated this, that and the other. If we want to see things change, we need to change them within our communities, and in our own homes. It cannot come from 'above'. Which is one reason why I love reading here so much. Auntie Leila makes it so accessible and gives such good instructions. Now, I've got ideas about getting these ideas around.
Ya know, part of the problem is so often someone, ie. the new mom, isn't willing to ask for help. Or accept help. I have offered to take and do laundry, but its usually 'no, no, I couldn't ask you to do that…” kind of response. But now I've got ideas.
DeirdreLMLD says
Agreed. Not a place for government to step in.
Cynthia Haughery says
So happy for you and The Artist, Deirdre. She's just beautiful. Praying for Rosie.
Margaret says
Thank you for the article on postpartum practices. I'm fortunate to be part of a large circle of Catholic women who all bring each other dinners with a new baby, but the truth is we all have tons of little kids and can't do much more than that. In a properly functioning community, there would also be young, single women and older women also helping out, who didn't have there own kids to take care of. I also think resting gets harder and harder the more kids you have. You can't very well ask the kids to take six weeks off from all their activities, and it's not easy to organize a carpool that's capable of picking up your six children from school. I hope we can keep thinking about some creative solutions here!
Valerie says
Oh my! Your daughter is lovely…what a joyful smile! Many more blessings to your family…
I really wished I had taken more pictures of me with my babies…i have TONS of pictures of my babies, I just did not make sure I was part of the picture…it just looks so beautiful to see both mommy and daughter (chid) gazing at each other or snuggling together.
I am also glad you are getting some help (and taking it). This is SO important…I was blessed to have my mother stay with me…she knew what I needed, even though I was a terror. 🙁
Ann Marie says
Congrats! She is a beautiful little thing!
SO glad you mentioned ” target=”_blank”>http://www.takethemameal.com! This site was founded and set up by one of my dearest friends, in response to the need of another friend. It has blessed countless thousands and is a wonderful ministry too.
Blessings to you all!
DeirdreLMLD says
How cool! Cheers to your friend for a great idea! I especially love online resources that actually translate into real-life, human contact in such a positive way!
Lisa says
What a beautiful, beautiful baby and mama. happy days!
Mrs. B. says
She's so sweet 🙂 And she looks like she's smiling already!!
I found some of the stories from the Daily Beast article to be a little over the top – there is already the tendency to turn having a child into a sort of fashion statement (you know, the “necessity” of $400 strollers and things like that), that it bothers me a little when we read that we should demand that the post-partum period should be more like a spa vacation. Don't get me wrong: I absolutely get the problem, which is real and experienced by most of us, but the tone of the solutions sometimes is off-putting. It seems to me that the “official voice” of our society, the media, can't make up its mind – they labor (ah, cheap pun!) so much to convince everyone that motherhood is to be avoided at all costs as a less respectable choice in life, then they start screaming that mothers are neglected and no one cares about their needs and rights – and yes, usually they mean more government programs, since the way we live now makes it so hard to have the old kind of family and community support.
How to go about trying to recreate this net? I guess Leila's advice to start by doing things for others is good here, too. I agree with what Mama Rachel wrote here. My guess, though, is that many new mothers are shy about accepting help (from other mothers) because they know how busy everybody already is these days, and would hate to impose a new burden… Margaret in the comments said it well. It's not anymore an experienced lady in a small village crossing the street to come help you with chores: more often now it's a 20-minute drive with your own young kids in tow… and how exactly are you going to help, beyond keeping some company? It's one thing to bring a meal, but anything more substantial gets a lot trickier… Also, let's keep in mind that we're having these problems because families have gotten smaller and smaller, so there are simply fewer sisters and aunts and cousins to have around us…
Ok, I am a bit cranky this morning and not very constructive – sorry!
Jenny says
Congratulations, Deirdre! She looks so sweet! The newborn period is very hard and very wonderful. Try to take it easy.
“An acknowledgment that the postpartum stretch shouldn’t feel, as it did for so many of the American women who took part in my informal survey, like one long sleepless night.”
The article on postpartum practices brought back the bad memories after my oldest was born. We lived away from most of our family and I had just graduated from grad school. My husband was the assistant band director at a good sized high school with an active band booster program. It was the beginning of marching season and his fourth year in the program when my daughter was born. I wasn't too concerned because I thought the band parents would help take care of us. How wrong I was!
My mother stayed with us the first week with the intent of leaving us a freezer full of food. However my daughter interfered with that plan. She wanted to eat every two hours like clockwork, 24 hours a day. After the diapering, feeding, burping, and rocking, I usually had about an hour before the cycle started again. My mother decided to get up with me at night and do the diapering, burping, and rocking so I could grab an extra 20 minutes of sleep. As a result we were both exhausted and she only left one pan of lasagna in the fridge. It didn't last long.
My husband was working 13 hour days M-TH and longer on Friday and Saturday. He would come home late with supper half-started or not started at all. I was barely functional going most of the week without a shower, sleeping an hour at a time. Of course, I mostly had no idea what I was doing either. Our apartment disintegrated around us. My saving grace was Saturday nights when my husband would get up with the baby and bring her to me since he didn't have to get up early on Sunday morning. What a luxury that was!
The only support we got from the band was once when the other band director invited us to supper when my daughter was SIX WEEKS OLD!!! We received not the first meal, visit, offer of help, gift, nothing from the band parents. I was devastated and exhausted. How I cried over our being ignored. My husband spent the vast, vast majority of his waking hours with their children while his wife and child were barely surviving at home and they couldn't be bothered to throw a casserole in our direction.
Exhausted seems like too mild a word to describe how I felt. I don't have clear memories of that time as it's all a big blur. I still don't know how we survived it. We have had varying levels of help with our subsequent children, but never the absolute abandonment I felt with our oldest.
DeirdreLMLD says
I'm so sorry to read about this, Jenny! Sounds just wretched. Your story strengthens my resolve to do my best to be there for other new moms!
Jenny says
The bright side of that less-than-pleasant experience is that it has made me profoundly grateful for the help I have gotten with the other babies. My youngest was born in June. My older girls had vacation bible school when the baby was two weeks old. A friend brought them back and forth to church for the whole week so I didn't have to leave the house. I didn't even ask. She volunteered and insisted. Fabulous!
Christina says
That LOTR quote is just wonderful. Deirdre, I just loved seeing these shots of that lovely baby. So very, very adorable. Much love to you three!
Heather says
Oh my goodness, you both are just lovely! Congratulations, and please enjoy this time together, mama!
I had no idea–no idea!–that most other countries consider the weeks and months post partum to be a serious recovery period for the mother. I really just thought I was a weak, whiny, wimp. No one brought us meals for any of our three children's births. No one offered to help out at all. It seemed like everyone just expected me to hop up after a week or so, when my husband went back to work, and be “capable.” I wasn't. I suspect the pressure of having friends talk about themselves grocery shopping three days post partum, plannning the baptism at 7 days–with a reception at their HOUSE!–really worsened my PPD. I felt like a failure, and like I wasn't important enough to be cared for or even to be given the time to care for myself. I hope and pray that our culture moves more toward valuing family, and I also pray that the new community we are all trying to build takes hold and flourishes! I know I feel better educated to take part in that change through LMLD 🙂 Thank you, and God bless you!
DeirdreLMLD says
I'm sorry you went through that, Heather! 🙁 Thank you for the kind words and wishes!
Virginia says
Congratulations on your sweet, beautiful baby! Regarding postpartum practices, when my husband wanted to move back to his hometown to be near his extended family, I was hesitant. I didn't get along with his family perfectly (they were weirded out and hurt by the fact that he had converted to a religion that amounted to them as idolatry and devil-worship) and I wanted for us to be able to do our own thing, not have to go over for dinners all the time, etc. But I was so happy we did after our first baby was born and they helped me so much! My mother-in-law, who had previously been sort of cold, gave me so much advice and encouragement with breastfeeding (baby took her sweet time learning to latch correctly) and insisted that I rest. His aunts brought over food and advised me to go to the doctor immediately when it became clear that my episiotomy wasn't healing correctly (sorry if that's TMI). I don't know how long I would have waited otherwise. I really learned what family and community was all about. My own family is separated all over the country and never would have supported me in that way. Not because they don't love me, but because they're just clueless and have their own careers, interests, etc. Now that our second is about to be born, I'm so happy we're here because his aunts and sister have already volunteered to watch my daughter so I can nap and focus on establishing nursing, etc. I think it would be really hard to form that kind of community with non-family members. So, my advice is, if you have any kind of choice at all and live near family–stay there!
Anna says
I think they have added to Kiddie Records since we found it. I suppose it *is* weekly, but it had looked poorly maintenanced last time I saw it. You're right- there are some that are not so good, but some are really nice.
Betsy M says
Deirdre, just wanted to say how beautiful you look with your little one. She really does look like she is smiling for the camera. 🙂
DeirdreLMLD says
Thanks so much! Yes, she really does smile sometimes — big happy smiles! It melts my heart!
Leslie says
We have found some real gems from Kiddie Records. We listen to them in the car and at naptime. My 3-year-old doesn't quite nap anymore, but will happily lay down for an hour to listen to stories (and his 5-year-old brother will even join him!). We've also recently discovered StoryNory.com, which is also free.
Sue says
So glad that you can take it easy postpartum. In Japan they tell us “no touching water for at least three weeks!” That means dish and laundry water, of course. Showering is allowed. 🙂 It wasn't always easy for me with my parents thousands of miles away, and my mother-in-law far away, and not healthy anyway, but with the help of dear friends we managed!
That photo at twelve days is incredible! What a bright, precious face she has!!
Cate Nunan says
Hello! I know that this comment is years after the original post but I am currently caring for my daughter and her 8 day old baby in our home. The labour and birth went well and they are healthy but she is still battered and sore, and needs rest and time to heal. I am able to feed baby Iris with expressed milk in the wee hours and allow my daughter to sleep. She is getting meals and laundry done too, but this is a blessing for me, being able to share in the beautiful newborn moments, and my hubby and teenage son are fine too! I am commenting because it has made me sad to hear snarky comments from family and friends that I am doing this. We need to be a community and help each other out…Lark Rise is a favourite of mine and I rememeber those scenes so well. How could you NOT want to snuggle with a new baby? Precious, so precious.