Erin and I were emailing about the napkin questions in the previous post.
She and a few others, friends with whom I get together on a regular basis for crafting, iced tea, and chitchat, kept me from going too insane with wedding planning – or else, they just helped me. My friends are enablers as well as interventionists. Everyone needs friends like that!
Erin should have her own blog, actually, but I won’t encourage her right now, because I don't really believe in blogging (other than just to record things) with lots of little children around, and neither does she. You have too much going on to be processing it for other people! For the most part.
Instead, she emails me. (My comments are in brackets.)
Oh, my goodness. These wedding commenters….
“How did you sew those napkins?” HA! “Did you starch them?” HA!
Can you please tell these people: No. Just no.
Here’s how you do 150 napkins for the wedding. [We did way more than we needed! Once I got my rotary blade going, I used Red Sox watching time to cut the bulk of them.]
You get combinations of those seven nice pie-baking friends.
You get a brilliant daughter who makes you buy a rotary pinking shears thingy. [Actually I think that was my idea. Maybe Rosie knew about the rotary blades too. But I will take credit.]
You get a kitchen table.
You get some piles of fabric out of your dusty stash. [I wouldn’t say dusty. Not dusty. No.]
Your friends bring you old sheets in their questionably clean vans. [No aspersions on other people’s vans here intended, I am sure. The fabric was all in bags. I mean, it wasn’t on the floor of their vans or being drooled on by their babies or anything.]
You take that fabric and shake well. Even if your friends give you skeptical glances at your not washing and ironing all that mess. [Erin was very skeptical and thought it should all be washed, but I just have so much trust. Also, the raw edges would have created havoc. And then, the ironing! Couldn’t do it. Remember, no judging in DIY. I made you a pretty cloth napkin. Wipe your little finger tips and move along.] Just shake and fold neatly. [check]
Then, another day, you have some iced tea, and some “trial” cakes made by your fabulous cake-baking daughter, so people can “test” them for that other wedding. [There was no break from wedding planning. It all overlapped and ran into each other and became one big planning marathon of destiny. I know that these people are truly my friends.]
You give the people cake. And then you make them cut out napkins [using regular pinking shears until the rotary one arrives]. All afternoon. Nursing breaks allowed. More cake if necessary.
These people [you] are going to be making their own toilet paper if you don't set them straight.
Maybe you shouldn't tell about not washing the napkins. [Oops.]
But you have to tell them to settle down!
And tell them that Natasha put them in the glasses, making the whole thing look way more fabulous than maybe it was. [That’s so true. On the set-up day, Natasha took those napkins in hand and made them stand up and look alive. And in general was just at the right place at the right time to do just the right thing.]
[Here ensued a little emailing back and forth between us on the whole issue.]
Yes… maybe emphasize the unskilled labor-ness of this particular DIY.
I mean, yes, the person cutting these napkins could, if absolutely necessary, sew the hem of the Never-Ending Hem on the skirt of the lovely handmade bridesmaid dress of your youngest, and very forgiving, daughter — but only, ONLY, because you taught her to hem her husband's pants (like three times, and anyway, she owes you). [Dubious.]
But this is the job for the friends who are not making the tricky underskirts for the bridesmaids, or adding the delicate lace trim on the dresses, or other technical, sophisticated, important jobs. [For instance, Habou did most of the hemming of dresses!]
But really, the only skills are being able to divide 45 by 3, and going in a straight line, along a straight edge (both of which, I admit, Annie helped me with more than once!).
Thus endeth Erin's lesson!
So! There you have it! Napkins for a wedding: Just go ahead and leave that zig-zag edge raw. There is simply no way to hem that many napkins and be reasonable. I am not saying you can’t do it. I’m saying it wouldn’t be reasonable, because I am sure you have other ways to spend your time.
Now, if you are making napkins for your family, that’s another matter. In that case, especially if you don’t have a sewing machine right now (but you should keep your eye out for one* – sewing is much easier than driving a car! Well, less of a danger to others), just check the clearance table linens and Marshall’s and TJ Maxx and Home Goods. Chances are you will find some good sturdy cotton (no poly!) ones for cheap. Otherwise, choose some fabric that is heavier cotton than quilting weight and go right ahead and hem away!
Our way of doing cloth napkins is to have the napkins the same (I have different sets, but many in each set) and napkin rings different. (Right now there is a napkin ring identity crisis, as I found a bunch of silver ones at a thrift store, but need a good way to personalize them. For now I'm using some gold (-ish) wire and beads. The dissenters are holding onto their old wooden ones.)
Every few days or so, wash them in warm water. There is something about cloth napkins that is very cozy and homey. We do use paper napkins for messy dinners, just so you know.
The main take-away point here, though, on the napkin issue, is to see that you should get a little involved in your friends’ lives. Listen carefully when they mention that they can't make it to the doctor, or can't find the right kind of tomato plants. Help them. Give them things. Make them a meal. Get together with them to share your thoughts, the energy of the kids’ antics, and your skills – and they will share theirs.
Every once in a while, plan a Sunday after church when you all get together and the husbands can make friends with each other as well. Keep it casual.
Before you know it, there will be a community of people – of friends! And you will do things for each other. Crazy, crazy things, like baking pies and warning each other not to try dyeing lace right before making bridesmaids’ dresses (that is a story for another day).
I confess that I am not the best at knowing what would be helpful for someone else. But I think others often feel that way too. One friend called me two weeks before Sukie’s wedding and put it just like that: “I’m not the best at knowing how to help, but I’m willing!” So much goodness. After this extravaganza I felt a lot of pangs of conscience. I don't think I help others enough! It made me resolve to be better in the future!
Asking for help can be awkward too. I guess that if you have two weddings three weeks apart, it helps you overcome that kind of awkwardness. And then you discover just how much fun getting and giving help can be!
************
Other little notes in answer to questions: Those Mason jars in which we hung the flowers on the posts of the barn are the old-fashioned kind that come with those wire tops. I had a bunch and my friend Christina lent me a bunch of hers.
My dress is from Boden. It’s actually on sale now! (It was on sale when I bought it also.) Phil said, “It looked kind of bad on the hanger. How did you know it would be so nice?” If only he knew that it didn’t look as nice as on that model : )
Confidential to Debbie: I am sure I would never have the job of wedding planner, because I value the little sanity I have left. But I would certainly be honored to be your interventionist/enabler!
A pie decorated by Bridget's friend Katie, with the initials “S” and “J”! |
For music there was a playlist on an iPod, but as it happened, our wonderful friends the Bells played some fiddle music for us (and backed Bridget up for Sukie and John’s first dance). Nothing like some contra-dancing to keep things lively!
*I can’t give you recommendations for sewing machines, but you can read about them on this fun site, Sew Mama Sew.
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