The sky is just a lot closer in Ireland. Here we are on the way to Dublin from the West, and it was black on one side and sunny on the other. |
I'm no expert on nursing, but I'm not sure who is, because there are so many variables — you, your body, your baby, his body…it's all just a matter of learning as you go. You could read a hundred ideas and still be frustrated. Then someone mentions something and you wonder why you never thought of that!
The books and sites want to be comprehensive, both in scope of material and audience appeal. Yet there are some things they never seem to say!
At Trinity College. Everything is gray in Dublin, I found. |
If we were talking it over in my kitchen, here are a few things I would tell you — things I only ever heard once (or not at all, but just figured out for myself). These tips apply not just to the new baby but to any stage of nursing. Not being comprehensive, just telling you some random stuff.
I am sure I'll come up with more as time goes on, but for now, allow me to record, for posterity, a few little ideas that helped me a lot, because, truth is, it wasn't a piece of cake for me either. And if I could do it, so can you!
They spent a lot of time trying to channel goddesses, but I only caught them laughing, for some reason. |
1. My very first Ob/Gyn told me that when the baby came I needed to concentrate on drinking three quarts of fluids a day in order to have enough supply.
I took him very seriously and got into the habit of making sure I had a drink of something — ice water, diluted cranberry juice, or, preferably, iced tea (although you have to get de-caf tea or the baby will not sleep — this is something that honestly didn't occur to me until just the other month, way too late, needless to say).
Not one other person — doctor, nurse, midwife — ever told me that again. Yet I think it sort of saved my nursing career.
Now, lots of mamas have no trouble — they don't think about drinking until they are thirsty, they never have trouble with supply, they never have a breast infection.
I had a good supply but was very prone to infections. Drinking enough (and especially the cranberry juice when I felt things going downhill) really helped.
It makes your loved ones (even your four-year old) feel useful to know that they can help with the baby by bringing you a drink as soon as they see you sit down to nurse.
Try to find drinks that don't have high fructose corn syrup or aspertame (“natural flavor”). This eliminates almost all sodas (unless you get some pricey ones at Whole Foods or make your own) and cheap cranberry juice.
If you have yellow pee in the morning, you aren't drinking enough. It should be almost clear. By the way, good thing the doctor told me that one time when my urine sample was dark enough for him to comment, because this goes for your kids, too. Some people just forget to drink when they are thirsty, and a lot of health problems result from that. Some crankiness problems, too.
Oh! Some color… |
2. The books will help with this: Understanding the relationship between the sucking and the production. It's amazing how long it takes to wrap your mind around the fact that your body is not only calibrated to respond to demands for milk, it has a built-in fail-safe mechanism to prevent see-sawing back and forth between too much and too little.
A building that isn't just plain gray. |
That means that it takes a few days to build supply up, and a few days to let it diminish. (See why? Otherwise a baby who for some reason just randomly wants more one day would call up a too abundant supply the next day — it works by days and time of day — and then the following day, after baby can't eat all that, too little.)
So you have to be patient. You have to accept that a baby in a growth spurt will be a bit fussy for a few days until your supply catches up. Yes, you have to sit more, nurse more, lie down more, drink more, eat more, realize that you have a baby!
A baby in a steady state (not experiencing a growth spurt) will leave you feeling full for a few days until things equalize.
{NB: why did we think that growth is a smooth curve? It's more like a sudden bump after you thought you had it all figured out! Also, being a baby = constant growth spurts.}
A very weird street performer who roped Bridget into helping him. |
3. Calling up more milk (or just getting started) requires baby sucking on an empty breast for a while as well as just all round nursing more. Nursing longer.
So you do need to nurse especially a new baby beyond the point where you feel you have no milk. Don't go until it hurts– switch to the other side. Yes, there is that long-term process for building milk, but your body will also produce a little more if baby asks for it right then. It will satisfy baby briefly and get you through until your body gets the message — more milk!
If you don't do this — nurse until you're empty, switch sides even if you feel that you're empty — you will only ever have the too-little level of supply, eventually drying up. And of course, you need to make sure that your own fluid levels are high (see #1).
And please remember, at first, that your baby is getting valuable colostrum and can wait — is designed to wait — for your milk.
Guard boxes at Dublin Castle. |
4. Along with the adequate fluids, this is the number one key learning. If you are not a “natural mama” with nary a worry, follow me closely.
This has to do with the whole “switching sides” thing. You see, in theory, baby should nurse on one side, get half the feeding, and then be willing to go to the other side and get the rest. Obviously your two breasts will produce more milk at a feeding, if asked to the previous days, than just one by itself. And you will alleviate the unpleasant lopsided feeling (and look!).
The problem that I found is that my poor hungry newborn and infant would nurse frantically on one side (and some prefer one side, making this all the more tricky), get a good amount, and fall asleep! Then I'd try switching, but he'd be fast asleep and no amount of coaxing would get him to be interested in the other side! If he was on, he'd suck, but once having let go, he'd stop forever!!
However, that really wasn't a good amount of milk, so then in an hour he'd be hungry again, only to repeat the process. Also, maybe his poor tummie was too small yet.
Meanwhile, breast #2 would become hard as a rock…leading to the breast infection or needing to resort to extreme methods to reduce the pressure (only, I never had any slightest success with pumping…only hand expressing would help at all).
So here's my solution. Once, and I don't know where, I read that a baby gets a good proportion (I can't remember the percent, but it was high) of milk during the first five minutes of nursing. Enough to convince that breast that it has, indeed, been called upon and should produce a good amount at that time the next day.
I learned to offer the first breast (which, as you know, should be the opposite one last offered, just because that evens out the production — but don't stress about it) for only those five minutes or whatever time is one minute less than his falling asleep, then switch to the second and let the him drain that one, fall asleep, and do what he likes.
As long as he isn't actually asleep, he'll latch on to the second breast and keep sucking. But once he detaches while asleep, the boat has left the harbor.
Just try it! It really worked for me.
~ If to you this sounds like I am saying it's going to work to nurse the baby for five minutes on each side, please read this follow-up on what this tip is about.
5. Unless your baby is really frantic for food and you know it, try to get into the habit of changing him before you nurse him. It helps when he is seemingly just so fussy and wanting to nurse a lot but yet not really paying attention to his job. It's easier than realizing half way through the feeding that he has something else on his mind and having to get up. It also helps you remember to wash your hands and get yourself a drink.
{Parenthetical plea: Do not rely on baby wipes for getting your hands clean. Wash them with soap and warm water! How grossed out have a I been seeing people change a messy diaper, wrap it up, and feel like they're done! EW! This goes for Dads, too.}
Babies really don't like having wet or dirty diapers. The feeling of well being enables them to nurse better and more comfortably. This in turn is better for your supply, because he's concentrating and sending the right messages. Besides, it's good to know that you'll get to everything in good time. It's good to have a rhythm in all the things you do.
6. Speaking of rhythm, the word “schedule” has become so politically charged in the breastfeeding world that I won't even go there. But I do strongly urge you to figure out the baby's rhythm. Nursing on demand doesn't mean not having any idea of what's going on.
The more you know about what is likely to happen on a given day, the better of your family will be. It's just silly to face each day without a clue about how many times you are likely to have to sit down to nurse or, for that matter, do anything else.
I am sure I will address this question again, but for now let me say that at first, your job is to find out what the baby needs from you without any worries about the implications for the future. A newborn who nurses every hour is saying nothing whatsoever about what he will do in two weeks or two months. Why waste a second of anxiety over it?
Once you are getting the hang of things, feel better, and know him better, you start to notice that yes, it's just about every two hours that he needs you, or perhaps every hour during the day and every four hours at night. Just as an example — it might be quite different!
The point is, you notice his rhythm and it helps you know more about him, be ready for him before he's beside himself with screaming (because you know you have other things to do), and not surprised that you have to stop what you are doing and attend to him. You will notice when he is more likely to sleep in Daddy's arms and you can get a shower. You will notice when he's more awake and lively and you will appreciate that time more.
Just start thinking of it as his rhythm and you will be less frustrated when he doesn't quite stick to it! Because the little stinker won't, and it's no use letting it get you down.
7. If you know your baby's rhythm, you can solve the “day/night” problem. You see, your baby is going to nurse a certain amount in a 24-hour period. Some babies get mixed up because a busy Mom is stretching in between the times during the day, unbeknownst to herself, and this applies to “total on-demand nursers” much more than they realize.
Even babies nursed on demand settle down to a rhythm of about once every two hours and then once every three to four hours, in the space of a day.
But, being so on demand that we aren't paying attention, we fail to see that we are putting him in the car seat (where he falls asleep) and taking older siblings hither and yon; we are handing baby off to be rocked by someone while we get dinner ready for eight people; we are bouncing him through the checkout at the supermarket — and each time we are stretching him beyond the point he would eat — maybe, let's say, half an hour here, 20 minutes there.
In a day, that adds up to maybe two hours, which is an extra feeding! So, again without our noticing, he makes up for it at night, when he nurses constantly.
Fix this by making a point of not putting him into the car seat until you've sat down and nursed him, even if it means that the older kids have to load the dishwasher before you leave (or whatever other thing you would be running around doing). Say no to an outing if you know your baby conks out in the car — you can go when he's older. Shop more frequently with shorter times in the store for a while, or schedule the trip for early in the morning when you know he'll sleep. Plan simple menus so you aren't caught in a complicated pre-dinner frenzy.
In short, let his rhythm clue you in to ways to put more nursing in during the day so that he'll stretch out the nights more. You won't have changed the total amount of nursing. Just when it occurs.
Connolly Bridge, and ready to get back to the countryside. |
8. Get proper nursing bras. I know some people say they would rather pull their regular bra up. If it works for you, fine. I found it pressed down on my breast uncomfortably to do that, and I preferred flapping down — it seemed more free to me. I like the suggestion I read somewhere of cutting off the fronts of camisoles to go along with your bra…and provide a little coverage down below. Again, too late for me.
Use nursing pads. It really just helps make you feel better about life when you aren't afraid of leaking all over. Get a lot of them and toss used ones in a mesh bag for lingerie (these are well worth finding, by the way, for little baby socks and your bras and all sorts of other little or hooky or delicate things that will otherwise make laundry a nightmare). Keep them really clean (wash in at least warm water with the towels).
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{Again, I am going to disable the comments, just to keep the message simple. There are just so many other places people can go to tell the war stories and scare us. I'll tell the war stories around here! I'm in charge of all the scaring.
By the way, thanks so much for the overwhelmingly positive emails you sent about my last post! Wow! I really appreciate so many of you taking the time to be so nice to me. For anyone who thought about emailing something a bit more critical, but didn't, I want you to know that I do understand how hard it can be. I do not judge anyone who can't breastfeed. I only want to encourage you to cuddle and love those babies!
I would love to hear your tips for making nursing better, especially if you have good ideas about thrush/yeast infections, which, according to my mail on the last post, is the biggest, most painful issue ladies face, apart from lactation consultants who, well, you just have to wonder what they are thinking! (A big hug to those nurses, lc's, and doulas out there who are supportive and kind.)
Do let me know, and I'll share your ideas. Email me at leilamarielawler at gmail dot com}
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