Friends, we have one more week to go in this long Lent, and an indefinite time in our Corona confinement. Pardon the long post — I have a lot to say right now, I find.
Please do not let anyone tell you that now is the time to let up on your Lenten resolutions* or “go easy on yourself.” Don't listen to the poison of “self care” rhetoric that is thinly veiled enabling of indulgence — the surest way to misery. (“Self care” is so different from a Christian notion of rest and festivity!)
*Obviously you might have to adjust those resolutions, which is different from just giving up on penance entirely and giving in to what St. John called the flesh, “because things are hard.” Seriously, read a book about truly hard times people have gone through and still didn't give up on their penances.
A reader was kind enough to write to me and say this:
Dear “Auntie” Leila, I wanted to thank you for the time you have poured into your blog over the years. You've inspired me since my oldest was a new baby (and he will be 11 in April!) in motherhood, homemaking, homeschooling and living the domestic church. In light of the current crisis, I feel like we, your readers, have been “trained” for this all along. It hasn't come as a familial shock for us to have to pray together in the home (of course we grieve not having the Mass!) or to teach our own, or even to bake bread when there is a shortage in the store. We have been cultivating a home life that can adapt to a worldwide crisis well, it seems.
Thank you for rallying the troops, as it were, for all these years. ~ J
This message truly made my day! Someone gets my ramblings! Your humble servant has only been trying to tell you that without you, woman, wife, mother, and your competent and loving care of others — your home will have no center.
So either you've been preparing for this moment all along, or you are receiving a crash course. And if the latter, I get it: It's not easy.
We are needed at home.
This truth, which we had twisted into some sort of preference, dispensable role, or even luxury, is now being forced upon our society with a vengeance by the Coronavirus and the subsequent shut-down.
I can't help noticing that the very people (be they bloggers or bishops) who have been telling us women that we can do anything, we can do it all, we can leave the care of the home and children to others, it can all be outsourced — are the ones who are now “giving us permission” to have a melt-down and be a weak wreck.
This has always been the fatal defect of the feminist ideology, that it insists on women being both powerful and victimized. But stripped of the support of our prosperity and independence, all is being revealed. In the home, even with all its demands, we women can rest when we need to. We can't soldier on, the way men can. At the same time, the home without our cheerful feminine determination loses its savor. Men and women are different, in fact.
When the routine (with its comforts that hide our defects from us) is disrupted, we come right up against our will. That is a grace given to us for our spiritual growth, not an excuse to grab the wine or box of cookies and hide. What is any of our life for, if not to learn to love and sacrifice for the others in our lives, even in uncertain times?
Whatever is going on, don't waste this precious moment in self-pity.
Bu it's so hard! I'm sure it is, but nevertheless, here we all are, being tested! And likely the people around us are the ones who need us to help them. They need us to be cheerful, not mopey and grumbly.
Practical advice
The current situation is a problem to be solved, and I'm not here speaking in any broad terms, but about my household and yours, and their many needs. Let's tackle the issues.
A few tips from someone who isn't particularly disciplined but who has lived for a long time with all the kids and a husband working from home (going on about 30 years now) and so on:
- Agree on a schedule with your spouse and stick to it. The schedule needs to include a balance of intense physical activity (kids need to run and shout!) and rest/quiet time.
It’s not that you need to take refuge in your bedroom because you’re an introvert. A lot of togetherness is something that has to be broken up a bit. I'm as extroverted as they come, but I've learned that a lot of conflict can be avoided by the discipline of separation.
After lunch (which needs forethought and to be served at a certain time), everyone needs to have a nice quiet time. Two hours is not unreasonable. In the evening, figure out the balance between some postprandial activity and a real need to wind down before bed.
Get up at a certain time, take a shower, get dressed.
- Get outdoor time, including working outdoors, for everyone.
- If you already homeschool, you're in a good place. If you are doing the distance learning thing, I have two things to tell you:
Stop every 30 minutes of computer time and insist on some other activity — a chore, a little outside time, a snack. Being on the computer all day is too much for a growing child. (I oppose even a little computer time for a pre-adolescent child, but at the minimum, long breaks are necessary.)
You don't have to do it. Shut the computer and declare that you are homeschooling. My whole blog is about teaching your children yourself. Have a poke around. But mainly, know that your children will learn if they have the liturgical year, books, music, art, and the outdoors. If you decide to homeschool, it will be fine and certainly vastly superior to being stuck on the computer. I am here to help.
- Make a list of things you want to do and need to learn to keep your household running and start checking them off!
Meet the challenge head on
Lent is a built-in time of penance (hopefully this isn't a news flash for you at this point, the day before Palm Sunday!) and this Coronavirus is truly a chastisement, the proportions of which we have not yet grasped.
The antidote to whining, despair, and self-pity is to work and pray: this meditation from St. John Cassian might be perfect for what ails you. Lord, have mercy on me! Accept the need for mortification — dying to self — and ask God to help us meet it with a fighting spirit. I would have thought that we gave up wine and cookies for Lent… The Kingdom will be won by the little ones who lovingly accept God's holy will!
Holy Week
This coming week, Holy Week, is one we need to live to its utmost, using what we have, and it will be decisive for what comes after. Let's not waste it wallowing in our woes. Let's start planning and hoping and helping each other.
If your church is open, but with no services, consider taking your family there very early (to avoid any possible crowd) to just sit in the Lord's Presence, even for five or ten minutes if the littles won't allow you more.
If your church is not open at all, then your domestic church, your home, will be your All.
If there are outdoor Stations of the Cross near you, take the fam and go! (Check the Catholic cemetery or a nearby monastery.)
Here is a lovely guide (Anglican, but very Catholic-friendly) to the coming week (don't feel that you have to do it all, but do consider some of it). Here is a link to the Great Litany — beautiful.
Probably live-streaming is going to be part of the picture, even with times of quiet family prayer with no screens. Some links for Traditional services all over the world.
I don't have much in the way of Holy Week–specific liturgy to offer you. Remember that Magnificat has its magazine online for free these days.
- Praying the Mass (Traditional Form)
- Praying the Divine Liturgy (Orthodox)
- Praying the Divine Office
- My advice for learning to pray the Rosary as a family.
If you have resources, please add them in the comments!
bits & pieces
- A longish but intelligent essay on what it means to be a citizen, by R. J. Snell: “If we are to be agents, we must be citizens; if we are to be citizens, we must be agents. Citizen-agents do not overlook their commitment to the common good, but neither do they hand their agency over to bureaucrats or experts.”
- Authorities in Malaysia stepped on some toes by telling women not to nag their husbands in lockdown. Let's not nag each other… but what I find hilarious is the quandary provoked by ruling that only the “head of the household” could go shopping. “Make sure your phone is fully charged” is probably good advice for those men wandering the aisles…
from the archives
I bet your readers are gobbling all the books! Don't forget the LMLD Library Project! Here's a sample post: Read this, not that ~ books for your voracious reader!
Don't be afraid of teens — it's going to be grand. Annoying, rebellious teens are a modern construct. Your 13-year-old boy.
liturgical year
Saturday of the Fifth Week of Lent; Optional Memorial of St. Isidore, bishop and doctor.
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Carlyn says
Oh, my. That post regarding the 13 year old boy was a response to an email that I sent all those years ago! I would like to tell you that my 13 year old grew into a fine young man. He is 21 years old, working on a degree in aeronautical engineering, and engaged to be married to a wonderful young lady. We have been so blessed! Now I am dealing with the challenge of having an empty nest!
Meredith says
Best update ever! We lived through the 13 year old boy stage, we can live through this : )
Leila says
Carlyn, you have just given so many people hope! Thank you for checking back, sharing, and reading all these years! God bless!
Lauren says
I popped on the blog this morning to find some ideas for meals this week, and was so happy to find this…I’ve been struggling this past week, feeling I should be fortifying myself against the slothfulness and self-pity that has crept in, but also reading certain things that have advocated for more ‘self-care’ during this time and feeling lost! Thank you for the pep talk!
Leila says
You’re welcome! Keep up the good fight!
Kate says
Thank you for this encouragement, especially regarding the Domestic Church. We’re going to be substituting boxwood for palm branches tomorrow. The Eastern Churches use pussy willows.
I had a good laugh at your introvert-in-the-bedroom remark. That’s where my husband often finds me in the afternoon. Since other areas of the house have been taken over in shutdown, I’ve moved all my projects into our bedroom. Every night, my husband moves the ironing board so he won’t run into it at night.
My head-of-household has done the grocery shopping a few times in shutdown, but it hasn’t been pretty. He went so rarely to the store in the past (except maybe to pick up one or two items), that he didn’t know the stocking-up routine. Even with a list, he called quite a few times from the store, each time getting more frustrated. Since he doesn’t make the meals, he can’t think on his feet regarding substitutes. He did score some TP a few times and felt proud of himself. Now that the weather is warmer and I’ve found some smaller stores without crowds, I’ve taken over the job again, much to the everyone’s relief. He feels more competent providing food for us with his gardening skills.
Katherine Klinge says
Thank you, Auntie Leila! You’ve given me new inspiration as always to “gird up my loins” and help keep our family’s focus in the unique Holy Week!
Mrs. Bee says
I could have written that email to Auntie Leila, too… and maybe I should have! THANK YOU, AUNTIE LEILA!! It suddenly feels like the way we live is such a privilege, and so worth the effort and the sacrifices. Our children are calm in the middle of this worldwide storm: their world – home – is the haven it’s always been. Now those words that sometimes left us in a fog – Order and Wonder! – reveal their very practical meaning and value right before our eyes. There is a lot of anxiety these days for us parents, a lot to think about, but definitely a lot of gratefulness as well.
Leila says
Mrs. Bee, you have always been here to make my day 🙂
Thank you.
Diana says
All I can say is DITTO what Mrs. Bee says! Thank you, Auntie Leila!
Leila says
Aw, mwah!
rh says
I fully agree with the comment a reader sent you – the first few weeks of lockdown here in NY were a bit dull – we missed our friends, going to the library, had to cancel the play, confirmation, etc – but essentially lovely. We knew how to manage, and enjoy, all at home, and even got to see DH for meals.
Then I got sick, and although my husband is extraordinarily competent in household matters (he is still a better cook than me), I can tell certain things are not the same without me! It is so. hard. to self-isolate right now. I’m not *that* ill, thank God, but under no uncertain orders to isolate. And I’m 31 weeks pregnant so it’s hard that I can’t even eat properly…
If it was the flu I could just be sick downstairs on “meals and laundry” only, but the big girls could still do some liturgical preparation. DH is so good about family prayer routines, but I do food, or anything out of the ordinary. He has his plate so full with work, the toddler, everything I usually do!
What can I do to really mother from the attic? I try to stay diligent with my own prayers, I’m doing math lessons over hangouts as much as I can, trying to do what little planning or administrative things I can to help…But sometimes it’s so hard to even keep my peace and not fret I’m going to end up in the hospital. It’s been a week, now, and I’m not getting better.
I know you have had times of real hardship with sickness, Auntie Leila, and we’re so lucky in our home and my husband’s job. I have no complaints; I just don’t know what to DO!
Kim F. says
Prayers for you RH!!!! You’re doing the best you can given the situation. Don’t be too hard on yourself. 🙂
Mrs. Bee says
I, too, prayed for you!
Leila says
RH — this is really hard. The only comfort I have for you is to remind you of what you already know, that THIS (this moment, this circumstance) really is God’s Holy Will. Your husband and your children are also on a journey and you may never know what this time of serving you and doing without your important presence really means, but you can know that it is for the good and sanctification of all.
That said, do watch this video for a covid doctor’s views on quarantining — perhaps they would be useful for you (if not, ignore):
rh says
Both your reminder and the video were very helpful, thank you so much! And thank you everyone for any prayers, I am much more at peace.
Julie says
You are just so insightful and sane. This article was the shot in the arm I needed. Thank you.
Lisa G. says
Such a good reminder, Leila! Thank you. I am also telling myself to not forget that it’s Lent! This other thing has eclipsed everything else, in one way. In another way, it’s a very Lenten sort of penance that we’re having to go through, isn’t it?
Jennifer says
My thoughts have been going in this exact direction the last few days. Thank you for this! Always love hearing from you.
Mary Eileen says
Beautifully spoken! I always appreciate how your practical advice is grounded in well-articulated philosophical underpinnings. I too have benefitted for years now from your advice and also from hearing the WHY spoken.
Feminism has been telling us for decades now that motherhood and homemaking is like a costume one just slips on and off at the appropriate time, not a deep source of every woman’s actual power that needs to be cultivated to flower and thrive. But one can’t actually fake this dedication successfully for very long. If you’ve been doing it, you know this… and one finds it out fast if she has to wake up one day and just – do it! All day and every day.
We do need to strengthen our will to do hard things and to practice the discipline and habit of mind necessary to attend with constancy to the people we love. Lenten sacrifices are important because they are voluntarily chosen, unlike the many other little daily sacrifices and deprivations we confront in our inescapable duties. Spiritual penance I think helps us train to give cheerfully. I love to exercise and there is a good analogy there – you will feel weaker and more tired if you constantly rest and never push yourself. When the muscles ache (in a good way), you are gaining in strength and energy! We need more strength of mind and will in this strange time, not an excuse to sit down and blubber.
All your advice is spot on. I think three meals together, sitting down, are the skeleton of every day. They don’t have to be fancy or particularly interesting (that’s of course very nice when possible) but they have to happen, including breakfast. It’s an important ritual for parents and children alike – and necessary that they participate! Setting, passing, helping little people, and of course cleaning up. The day just swirls around in circles of noise and meaningless messes without those punctuation points. I know you’ve got a post on that and more!
Thank you for your encouragement once again.
Diana says
I love this comment! Thank you, Mary Eileen!
Diana
Kaitlin says
Excellent, excellent advice.
Lisa Tuckett says
“But it’s so hard! I’m sure it is, but nevertheless, here we all are, being tested! And likely the people around us are the ones who need us to help them. They need us to be cheerful, not mopey and grumbly.”
Thanks for this. My husband lost his job this week. Half his company was laid off due to the virus. He’s 60, and not sure if he’ll be able to find work again in this current atmosphere. Naturally, I’m worried about the future. While he works on accepting this new reality, he asked me to please be happy. He needs a happy wife right now. Times are hard for so many. If my being happy around the house is a help to him then I will swallow my worry and my stress, smile and bake him some banana bread and rejoice!
Leila says
Losing a job is a tremendous blow for a man. I’m so sorry. For your husband, a happy wife makes all the difference! Men don’t usually say how much they are worried, but truly, it stresses them out in a way we women can’t understand, for the wife to be articulating all her worry as well.
We have often heard that men approach any issue a woman raises as a problem to be solved. And if we are honest, we do see this as a defect. A lot of our energy is spent trying to change this fact. Of course, it’s this way so that they can problem-solve. If we think of it that way, we can see that it’s not a bad thing… even if it causes misunderstandings between the sexes, and difficulties in our relations.
If his wife is simply voicing her worries (which is all it is from her point of view), for him, he can’t help immediately thinking of what she says as a further problem to be solved! On top of the actual problem! Too much stress.
So complain all you want to your friends (about the situation, not about him), but yes, you are so right, be cheerful towards him. Anyone who suggests otherwise just doesn’t understand what charity is! We need to be kind to each other. This you have already figured out!
The interesting thing is that when he trusts you to be happy and not fretful (which really means that he rests in the knowledge that you at least think he is worth something, that you know he will provide, that you admire him for all his hard work), he will open up more about his thoughts and plans and really look to you for sound advice. This paradox is something most women don’t understand because we insist on our way. But if you do understand it, you will actually *be* happy.
Dixie says
This is really insightful, Leila. I have such a hard time not worrying aloud every night to my husband and asking for reassurance. Some of that is fine, but it really can be too much. Any tips on how to manage this, on how to behave in a cheerful, hopeful, and confident manner when you are often feeling just awful about things in the pit of your stomach?
Mary Eileen says
I wish to share this as you might appreciate it- From the annals of WWMD (what would Ma Do)… We are reading the Little House series lately- just the other day we read through the episode in “On the banks of plum creek” when a swarm of grasshoppers descends on a 100 mile area including their farm, destroying every green thing in sight, including the beautiful wheat field Pa is counting on to pay off his debts – such as the lumber for the house they are living in. A total and complete disaster. He works incessantly for 24 hours tending smoke fires in a vain attempt to ward them off.
He comes in for a break at supper, bloodshot eyes and smoke scratched throat. MA serves him tea and supper and says cheerfully, “never mind Charles, we’ve always got along.” Laura notes, “Ma did not ask him how the wheat was doing.”
Later he comes in exhausted and defeated, giving up. It’s no use. Laura says that MA smiled at him and said again not to worry; it’s all right; we’ve been through hard times before, Charles.
Her incredible forbearance and wisdom! Especially this – she did not ask him how the wheat was doing! Oh my goodness. How did she know this was her critical role at that time and how did she have the patience and love to fulfill it? So inspiring.
I wish you the best and offer my prayers to you and your husband in a very scary moment. I’m so sorry.
Leila says
I love the Ma reference, Mary Eileen! I think when we read those books as adults, we can see that Ma really did end up living a life she might not have bargained for. But she had so much virtue, and like many a virtuous woman, kept her family from losing hope.
Dixie, here’s what we women have to work on, and what the example of not asking about the wheat teaches us: He doesn’t mind talking things/events/feelings over with you, but he can’t carry on if he thinks you are worrying about HIS ability to handle things. If he senses that you are losing trust in him simply to BE the provider, he will become demoralized.
We are this way too. If we sense that he has confidence in our handling of our sphere, we serenely carry on. But if we don’t feel loved and appreciated, it undermines our confidence. The difference is that we can talk things over. Men, not so much. Speaking in general (and perhaps men who do talk things over more are deceptive about still being like this).
But if he wants to rant about all the things in an abstract way, then go for it. Or if he is up for planning or talking over problems… Just don’t make it about how you are so worried about your own family that you can’t cope, because that triggers all the sense of powerlessness that undermines his role.
Dixie says
Mary Eileen, I have been thinking about Ma Ingalls, too! Thanks for reminding me of that particular episode. I had forgotten about it, and what an instructive example!! I wonder how she had the fortitude to be so loving and ladylike and courageous through so much. I so wish we could talk with women of prior generations about this — the generations that are now gone.
Auntie Leila, you just blew something open for me: I tend to catastrophize about fearing that I can’t do my job (in the home) well enough, and I think that doing this makes him feel that I don’t trust him to make sure we are taken care of (even though I am actually not criticizing him directly). I think I’ve been talking to him as if I think everything really is on only my shoulders and nothing he does makes a difference, i.e. I’m telegraphing to him that I don’t believe that he can take care of us. YIKES. Thank you!
Dixie says
Well, I guess you already gave tips in the post! Nevermind.
Lisa Racioppa says
This was a wonderful read!! I’m so glad someone was able to say to you what I’m sure all of us feel. I’ve come into “your world” a lot later then most, but it’s changed my life! Thanks to a very dear friend telling me about you for years, I finally jumped on the like mother like daughter train, and it’s been wonderful. Thank you for all you do , God bless you and yours and may you all have a blessed Holy Week!!! The Corona virus has nothing on us….it’s Holy Week, our Lord will rise in a week and our hearts will be bursting with joy!!
We are so blessed to have this Catholic faith!!!!!
Lisa Racioppa
Leila says
Thank you, Lisa! You are so right! God is good!
Ashley says
Any tips on instituting quiet time with younger kids? I try to have quiet time after lunch but I haven’t been very successful lately. My 3 yo son wants to play with his (6 yo) sister and I’m not quite sure he understands what I’m asking. Unfortunately he doesn’t nap, but I’d like to establish something especially now that we have a newborn (1 month old) in the house. What’s reasonable for me to expect from them? Thank you for your help!
Leila says
Ashley, children are so different that it really is a matter of trying different things, giving new ideas a little time to work, and even waiting a little until a tricky stage plays itself out.
Sometimes the 3 yo really needs down-time alone (if not a nap). You can put him in the bedroom with a stack of books or a quiet toy (little legos, playmobil, trains, matchbox cars) and let him know that you will get him when rest time is over. Sometimes the 3 and 6 yos can listen to books on tape of a gentle nature (with a calm narrator). Sometimes the 6 yo can have quiet time in the room while the 3 yo settles on the sofa next to you, where you can keep half an eye on him. With a newborn, you can doze off there with baby while he putters in his play area or “reads” books next to you. It’s an ever-changing routine — and the next baby might nap at 3 yo… so you just have to keep trying to see what actually produces a rest time!
Ashley says
Thank you! I’ll be glad when we find something that works for us.
How is Holy Thursday supposed to be treated/celebrated? I’ve read so many different things that I’m confused. Some try to do a Seder dinner. Others say no. Some have a nicer meal and dessert, while others try to keep the somber, Lenten tone. Any thoughts you have on the matter would be appreciated. My family didn’t do anything when I was a kid, so I’m trying to figure out what to do for my family.
Leila says
Ashley, I think this is a very personal and cultural decision — and if there is something cultural for you to fall back on, then it does make life easier and more meaningful. (As in, if you are 1/64th Polish, look up what Poles do and do that!)
Since there is always just one Mass (except for this year, sigh and a little tear), our observance centered on that. And usually it’s an awkward time for the family with small children… so a day of Easter preparations, from baking to egg-dying, and an early snack leading into dressing up for Mass. Dinner ready to go or even already cooked, and then off to Mass. Home for the dinner and some ice cream as a treat, although some think that once Mass is over, back to fasting…
The Abbey we often go to would serve a big lamb dinner with ice cream afterwards, so that was our model.
Where there is a later Mass and Adoration afterwards, it does make sense to have the dinner before (including dessert) and then be able to stay for Adoration after.
Here is a post with our usual menu (it varies from year to year but is basically Middle-Eastern themed): http://likemotherlikedaughter.org/2010/04/thinking-about-holy-thursday-good/
Terri says
Thank you for this. Since the sheltering-in-place started, I’ve been thinking that LMLD readers should be especially well-prepared to deal with the current reality. I only wish I had started to learn to bake bread before now. 🙂
p.s. I love your cutting board. Did someone make that for you?
Leila says
Thank you, Terri!
The cutting board was a gift from my dear daughter-in-law. It is really beautiful and practical — the crumbs are captured by the grooves.
Mary Keane says
Yes, thank you Auntie Leila!!! It’s so true that choices we make in the ordinary times have an enormous impact in the extraordinary ones.
Leila says
Exactly.
Mrs T says
Auntie Leila, I must say, I would be pulling my hair out (at least worse than I am now) in regards to my “almost” 13 yr old son if I hadn’t been reading you over the years.
Over tired? Check. Grumpy? Check. Hungry ALL THE TIME? Check. None of these have surprised me as of late. I know what to do!
Rereading your piece, it reaffirmed in my mind what I already instinctively knew, that I had to gently let go of the reins and hand them to my husband. It just seemed like the right thing to do!
One thing I think many don’t take into account is that when our husbands have to “step it up” in this regard, a good man will reassess his own character in order to set a better example for his growing children. He, too, will have to grow. What a responsibility!
Many thanks for all you do. I could write a short book on all the ways you’ve helped me over the years, but I don’t wanna hijack the comment section.
Leila says
Aw, thank you — thanks for reading!
Yes, I wish the women who say “oh, but my husband isn’t good at talking about things, doesn’t communicate to our kids” and so on would read your comment. For a father to grow into his role, there must be opportunities! How else did we become competent? Let him try, let him be! It will be so good for everyone. Interestingly, boys don’t need a lot of talk. They just need… their dad.
Amanda McGill says
Thank you for linking to the Homely Hours! Every time you do, it makes us feel like we’ve done something right. 🙂
Throughout this strange time, I keep thinking of this quote from Wendell Berry, which I think also pertains to the work of “maintaining the collective memory:”
“Contemporaneity, in the sense of being ‘up with the times,’ is of no value. Wakefulness to experience — as well as to instruction and example — is another matter. What we call the modern world is not necessarily, and not often, the real world, and there is no virtue in being up to date in it. It is a false world, based upon economies and values and desires that are fantastical — a world in which millions of people have lost any idea of the materials, the disciplines, the restraints, and the work necessary to support human life, and have thus become dangerous to their own lives and to the possibility of life. The job now is to get back to that perennial and substantial world in which we really do live, in which the foundations of our life will be visible to us, and in which we can accept our responsibilities again within the conditions of necessity and mystery. In that world all wakeful and responsible people, dead, living, and unborn, are contemporaries. And that is the only contemporaneity worth having.”
Leila says
“that perennial and substantial world in which we really do live, in which the foundations of our life will be visible to us, and in which we can accept our responsibilities again within the conditions of necessity and mystery.”
Love it.
We are very close to losing this sense of the substantial, real world. Only our homes will keep it intact until it can burst forth again for our mutual flourishing.
Victoria says
What a great quote, thank you.
Curious says
Thank you for everything you do here. I’ve never commented before but your blog has been a great source of inspiration to me for a few years now.
And now, my question. I’m not religious but have often longed for a religion. I feel very moved by what I know about Catholicism, to the point that I’m considering conversion.
What books can I read to learn more about Christianity in general and Catholicism in particular? I’ve read and loved CS Lewis’s Mere Christianity. I’ve read some of St Francis de Sales. I’ve read other bits and pieces over the years.
I dont know how to describe what I’m looking for, exactly. I suppose I want books to talk to me about theology and daily life as well? I’m asking here because I’ve always been so happy with your suggestions for books in general.
Thanks so much.
Victoria says
I actually think Leila’s book “The Little Oratory” might fit the bill in terms of reading about what daily life as a Catholic could be like.
In terms of theology though, it depends on where you’re coming from. There’s a mountain of theology books out there. You probably can’t go wrong with C.S. Lewis’s other books. I’ll be praying for you on your journey and please pray for me and my family on ours.
Curious says
Thank you very much for this kind response! I will pray for you, yes.
Leila says
Dear Curious:
Thank you!
My husband told me, back in the day, “If you love C. S. Lewis, you will love G. K. Chesterton!” And he was right. I suggest Orthodoxy. If you like that, I would also suggest Everlasting Man, a book that looks at “world religions” and explains how they are mostly either not religions but something else, and only Christianity fits the bill.
I always suggest reading the first section of the Catechism of the Catholic Church. It’s very beautifully written and shows that both by reason and by revelation Christianity is the answer to man’s search for God.
No search for God will be helpful without prayer. What finally helped me was Cardinal Mercier’s “secret to sanctity and happiness” https://indefenseofthecross.com/prayers/prayers-to-the-holy-spirit/
And if you ever wonder WHAT worship IS, I recommend Ratzginger’s Spirit of the Liturgy, which I have a reading of here on the blog, just search for it.
XOXO you can always email me for more thoughts!
Curious says
Thank you so much! And yes, I did wonder what exactly worship meant. This gives me some wonderful places to start. I am looking forward to it.
Virginia says
I agree. Thank you for all your advice over the years–I think that this has not been as hard a blow to our family as it has been to others because we’ve structured our family life around the home for years. This has been a great opportunity for us to dive into homeschooling as well. Our children’s public school teachers sent out lengthy “online learning plans” with lots of inane assignments and screen time so I asked them what was actually required (turns out it’s just uploading 2-3 short written assignments a week) and we’ve been getting to do other things (history! geography! actual math!) with the rest of our time. The teachers were overwhelmed with running their own households and caring for their own children as well as “teaching remotely” so they were happy to tell me what the bare minimum was.
Adele says
Years ago you suggested reading Mary Newland’s books as well as the von Trapp books. Both are sitting on my book shelf and have for many years helped us celebrate Easter in our domestic church, which is very isolated from the larger church by distance and the limitations of the parish closest to us. Both books have suggestions for the domestic church during Easter which have been so life giving to our family and the families around us (who we hauled into our own traditions). We will miss them and of course attending mass, but we have the traditions to fall back on which still allow Easter to live. Thank you for passing along your hard won wisdom and knowledge.
T-ster says
Facing this challenge cheerfully and with determination is exactly what’s needed now. All the talk of self-care from friends, along with the message that “it’s okay if your children are neglected and running rampant while you drink wine because this is a crisis! Who cares if they’re being educated, you have your JOB and PLUS IT’s STRESSFUL!” has rubbed me the wrong way but of course I don’t comment on it and couldn’t put my finger on why. You really nailed it. Sure, it is hard in some ways, but ultimately, many of us now are blessed that what is needed for us to help keep society safe is the same thing that’s needed for our family — focusing our efforts and attentions on our home.
Of course, I do wish my three boys could run around outdoors and piano lessons on zoom are not ideal, but on the whole, it’s been a good time. It’s also interesting that when they’re not in school all the livelong day and in after-school activities all day, we expect them to contribute more to the household and their sassiness has gone down. And I’m finding that the essentials (math, penmanship, writing, reading) can be done in a few hours — and then they have hours of the day to play, to help out, to do their own art projects and to read books with us. Oddly, I’m not excited about the “distance” learning that’s going to be required starting next week, as their schedules already seem quite full of busywork and we hardly need more screen time. Why do we need “art class” on a computer when my son can pick up a book and learn some basics? Why do we need “science class and learning about hypotheses” when they already ask me questions that are stumpers, and finding the answer is a natural education in scientific thinking? It’s making me reconsider how we were living their lives before.
Vera says
At the end of a very long day with two littles, all I am focused on is the picture of the bread. Do you share the recipe somewhere or is it just to tantalize us? (And yes I agree with all the very deep things that you wrote and others wrote in the comments. But sometimes we just need bread.)
Leila M. Lawler says
Why, thank you for noticing, Vera! Haha… here is my post about how I make the sourdough http://likemotherlikedaughter.org/2019/09/sourdough-bread-thoughts-and-tips/
This batch had some leftover oatmeal porridge (about a cup) that had milk, sunflower seeds, and cashews in it. Porridge makes the dough very fluffy and soft — I highly recommend this method! Just keep in mind any salt or sugar that might be in it when you are adding your amounts to your dough.
I made two sandwich loaves and two boules, as you can see. The same dough goes for each. There is no fat in this bread but the fact that the porridge was cooked makes it seem as if there is! It’s almost magical!
T-ster says
Perhaps only tangentially connected, but do you think it is possible to get away with skipping or subbing for the sourdough starter in a recipe where a very small amount is called for along with a poolish to make croissants? I promised my family I’d make croissants and of course now I am looking around and finding the most complicated recipe…perhaps I should look around for something simpler.
Lisa G. says
Leila, since we’ve come around to bread for a moment here, I *just* watched this on youtube and thought of you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0zHW2chG27Q&t=0s . She has a recipe there for a “dry” block of starter, which seems to be more convenient than the typical way it’s done. (I have never tried making sourdough, for various reasons, but if I did, this might be the method). Anyway – in case this might be of interest and have never seen anything like it. xo
Leila says
Oooh, looking forward to watching… I love watching things about making bread! (My favorite genre is something that comes up if you put in something like “village sourdough baking traditional” — but there are only like four videos and I’ve watched each one about six times haha)
T-ster says
Have you ever watched “pasta grannies”?
Leila says
Well, how will the poolish rise without the starter? Or are you also using yeast?
T-ster says
yes it also calls for yeast. I think the sourdough is mainly for flavor. It is not the primary rising agent from what i can tell.