The winners of Saturday’s giveaway are Rebekah H. for the Carol book and Ash A. for the Kitchen Rosary! Congratulations! You know it is you when you get my email!
If you didn’t win, do just buy the Christmas Carol book ASAP, because it will take a wee bit of time to get it to you. The price is right, isn’t it? Good enough to be able to get more than one for the family. Ask Grandma for them! And the proceeds of the Kitchen Rosary benefit the wonderful new foundation of the Notre Dame Priory. Our dear friend Fr. Mark is entering this monastery in January, and I know it will be a very great gift to the whole universal church to have these monks praying and offering the Liturgy! If you love the Kitchen Rosary, please purchase one for someone on your list, to help these awesome young men!}
Today I have a giveaway of two important books for finding peace and healing. {THIS GIVEAWAY IS CLOSED.}
I know that we want to give certain kinds of things at Christmastime. Warm, fuzzy, happy things!
So maybe this idea is a little odd. Tell me what you think.
Here’s the thing. Many people in our society today are hurting and unable truly to commit to life together — because they were wounded by their parents’ divorce. Do you know someone like that? Are you someone like that? Recently as I’ve been giving talks in various places, I’ve had conversations with young women who are seeking healing in this area, for themselves or for others, and these conversations have made me think that this book will really help people find peace in their marriage.
My friend Leila Miller collected the words of seventy adult children of divorce. (Yes, we have the same name! But hers is “Layla” and mine is “Lyla” although I answer to Layla too! I didn’t write this book!)
I’m not going to say that her book, Primal Loss: The Now-Adult Children of Divorce Speak, is an easy read. It’s not. But I will say that it will bring healing — the healing of knowing why one’s heart is broken.
I endorsed this book (you will see my blurb on the back cover) because, as I read it, I realized that all these people, collectively, managed to put into words what one person cannot, and what no researcher or observer can articulate. The sheer aggregation of the many, many small statements about the divorce of the respondents’ parents creates an undeniable whole — a sort of big package of truth about what divorce does to the children.
I have always said that you simply can’t ask a child what he thinks about his parents’ divorce. There is too much at stake! For the child to admit that he has received a blow he may not recover from is too frightening. And in almost every case, the child feels he has to protect his parents who are obviously no longer in control of their own lives — if only for his own preservation, for, the child has no autonomy. Without his parents, he will be exposed to nameless danger.
No, you must wait until the child has grown. Then you may — may! — be able to find out what happened to his inner life when his world fell apart.
This is what Leila Miller has done — she has let the now-adult “child” speak.
If you are a counselor or friend; if your parents or your spouse’s parents divorced; if you or a friend are considering divorce — you simply must read this book. It will be hard, but in the end it will bring peaceable fruit. It will help you heal, or help you help others to heal, or stop you (or your friend) in your tracks before you hurt your children.
The other book is for the way forward — to recover peace and to keep it.
Searching for and Maintaining Peace is a little spiritual book that can bring about tremendous peace in your life. Having upset you with Leila’s book, I feel obligated to offer this one as well!
Fr. Jacques Philippe quietly leads you on a gentle journey with his own words and those of the saints, showing that God wants us to be peaceful and gives us the means to obtain peace. He is an immensely deep and peaceful priest with a facility for bringing the spiritual masters right to us in our need.
For many months I simply read this book, a little a day, and then turned it over and started again! Maybe you know someone who could be helped by this book.
For a chance to win both of these books (yes, the winners each get BOTH books!), leave a comment here on the blog.
I will pick three winners and the giveaway will close on Saturday when I will have another giveaway!!
Thank you for sharing!
I have quite a few of Fr. Philippe’s books and all of them are very good. A copy of “Primal Loss” would be most welcome. Thank you, Leila, for this post and the giveaway! God bless
All of these resources look great, I’m going to have to look into them
Thank you for the opportunity!
I already own the Fr. Jacques book, but I would love a second copy to lend out or give to a friend. It is an invaluable resource!
Would Primal Loss be appropriate for a recently abandoned and divorced mom in helping her sons to heal?
MKC, yes, without a doubt.
I️ cannot tell you how much Fr. Phillipe’s book has blessed me, on your recommendation, so thank you! I️ often do just what you said, especially when I️ feel on the brink of despair. I️ will just reread it. I️ have given it as a gift to many as well.
Would love to read this.
I would love to win, read & share both of these books!
I sense a need to read these books. Thank you for giving these away and bringing them to my attention. Much love to you.
Would love to read both of these
I want peace and could definitely use some healing. Thank you.
I’m reading “Primal Loss” (or rather, I read most of it and then put it aside for a breather). My husband and I both come from intact, strong families, so I was not reading it for my own healing. A friend loaned the book to me after I told her my daughter was dating a young man from a divorced family. I wanted to know what some of the issues might be that he might be dealing with. My other children attend a Catholic college, but it is disturbing how many of their classmates come from broken homes. My kids are often trying to help their friends through some pretty traumatic stuff and all that raw emotion can be quite a burden. “Primal Loss” is a hard book to read; it is sad and depressing. I knew, of course, that divorce was a great evil, but I never realized how damaging it was to children. I makes me pray all the more for couples in difficult marriages and newlyweds.
Yes, Kate — I do recommend having a frank discussion with the young man. This pain can be overcome, but the struggles are REAL. And they will affect the marriage. With God anything is possible — there is hope!
Both of these books are phenomenal. I would love to give a copy of Primal Loss to some of my siblings. The effects of divorce on the child never go away and all of us still have to deal daily with the consequences of that long ago decision.
Love this offering! Thanks🎄💗
I’m very interested in the Primary Loss book. Thank you for hosting this give away.
…and that would be Primal Loss, my phone auto corrected :(
I would certainly love to read both of these books. Thanks, as always, for the recommendation.
I would very much enjoy reading both of these books, then pass them on to a dear friend. Thank you for offering these two books.
Both of these books sound wonderful. Although not personally affected by divorce, I come across so many friends and extended family who have dealt with this sorrow and it would be a helpful read for sure. And would love to recommend to others! Thank you!
I love Searching for and Maintaining Peace!
I would love to read both of these books very much. The first, because my husband’s parents divorced when he was quite young and I would like to understand how it has affected him – also, because to be perfectly honest I have been seriously considering separation possibly leading to divorce. I know divorce is a terrible thing but allowing your kids to grow up in a toxic environment with an immature, abusive father is a terrible thing as well. Somebody please pray for me!
I would love to read the second book because it’s been on my Amazon wish list for quite some time…I sure could use an extra dose of peace in my life.
Hello, Laura! As the editor of Primal Loss, I urge you to read it for both reasons you stated (understanding your husband, and overcoming the temptation to divorce). You will come away from the book with a completely new perspective that will not only help your own marriage, but it will spare your kids incredible agony, as well as heal generations (that you will only see from Heaven). God bless you!
Please get help for your marriage. For the sake of the children. The father needs help. Divorce does not help…it creates a worse mess. Praying for you.
I will pray for you Laura! What you learn from reading “Primal Loss” is that divorce is much, much more than just a “terrible thing.” In divorcing you most likely will be exchanging one toxic situation for another – or compounding the problem. My sister is married to an immature man (from a broken home). He is not physically abusive – I’d say more passive aggressive and undependable. They have been together for 25 difficult years with many ups and downs. I am so gratefully that they have stayed together. I think their kids see the difficulties, but they know their parents love them enough to stay together and that has made a world of difference to creating a stable world for them. They are great kids – I actually expected them to be much more affected by their parents’ discord than they have been.
Thank you, Kate, for your prayers and for your input. I appreciate it! My husband is not physically abusive either – but he is at times very emotionally abusive, hostile, and just plain mean, as well as being very selfish and undependable. I knew he was undependable when I was young (and hoped he would grow out of it) but the anger and bitterness in him is what grew as the years went on. It’s hard to live with and I pray constantly for wisdom in dealing with it. If I don’t win the book I think I will buy it and read it anyway.
I remember reading one of your comments on a dinner post and have been praying for you since.
Anamarie, I am deeply touched by that. Thank you so much.
Dear Laura,
Know that the readers of our beloved Leila’s blog will pray for you. May I encourage you to spend time with Our Lord in adoration? There is no greater hour spent! Being with Him for one hour will bring many blessings and healings to you.
I will pray for you!
Theresa
Thank you for your prayers, Theresa. I agree that I need to spend as much time with the Lord as I can. It is because I do so that I have survived. Yet where my marriage is concerned I am really ready to give up. It’s been a 17 year long nightmare which has destroyed my physical health and almost destroyed my mental health as well. I am not convinced that God would have me keep myself and my kids in a path of destruction but I am open to His wisdom and always seeking to hear His voice.
Laura, my heart breaks for you. If you feel moved to, please email me at primalloss@gmail.com and I would love to give you some thoughts from those who have been in similar situations. I also know that wonderful Leila (this blog’s author!) is a great source of wisdom as well.
Laura, we’ve talked before, and I know how things are. But there is no substitute for talking to someone — preferably a TRUSTED priest — in real life.
We will pray for you and your family!
Would a copy of primal loss be able to reach the shores of South Africa?
What a beautiful combination!
I was just thinking about how difficult it is to speak about the wounds of divorce because of the natural love and loyalty that we have for our parents. I would love to read “the other Leila’s” book. (or the Fr. Philippe, for that matter).
Both of these books sound phenomenal. I will be looking at both of them.
The children of divorce book ~ great idea! I have 8 employees all of which come from divorced homes. The pain is so real and yet so hard for them to figure out!
Would love to receive Primal Loss to give to my sister who has suffered through a difficult divorce.
Thanks for another great giveaway! I would enjoy both of these books.
I just received the devastating news of yet another friend considering divorce. I am very interested in these books.
Oh Leila, I would love the second one. Finding peace as you try to deal with hurts of the heart is close to me right now, something you’ve so graciously emailed with me about.
Thank you!
Catie
I would love to read these!
I have been trying to get my hands on that Miller book! And the peace one looks wonderful. I wish our library would carry stuff like this!
As a child of a divorced couple, married to one whose parents had an even more acrimonious divorce, I’m a little scared to read Primal Loss, and delve into all that again. And yet I do think maybe I should. At some point… I’m glad that somebody undertook to research and compile it, though. So many in my parents’ generation just decided that divorce was their best or only option, and having come from stable families themselves, had no idea of the anguish and loss they were choosing for their children. And Leila (Lawler) is totally right about the self-imposed gag order we feel. Admitting just how awful it was feels impossible during childhood and almost as difficult as an adult.
Praying for you, Katharine! If you do read it, let me know what you think.
I am very interested in both of these – thanks for bringing them to my attention. Dealing with the second-hand pain of watching a SIL navigate divorce (and my other IL’s just sort of ignore the whole thing, as if silence makes the mess disappear) and the first-hand pain of my mother’s death this summer right after I had to move away from all my support system (and my family) into a desert of sorts, I could certainly use some peace….
I would love to win these books to give to some fellow parishioners, both of whom came from broken homes. Thank you for doing this giveaway. <3
Thank you again for another wonderful giveaway! My husband’s parents divorced when he was a little boy. 30 years later he still carries the wounds. Thank you for making me aware of these books!
Get the book for him anyways. It will help.
Enjoyed this post and would love either of these but especially the latter one. I have been wanting to read it for a while.
The second book sounds like a must-read for me. Peace is all too elusive.
Hello, :Leila
I have Leila Miller’s book (and have read it). I’ve been thinking of purchasing more to give to my siblings. Our parents divorced 31 years ago, and it still hurts. Healing has come (it comes slowly, by degrees), but lots of trauma was incurred as a result of my parents’ divorce. Just one little snippet.., I recall a social worker coming to our home and speaking to me (I was 14) asking if I thought my parents’ divorce would affect me. When I think of this now, I’m outraged and livid. HOW (rhetorical question) can you ask a child of that age/stage of development to project into the future? Arrgghh…
Also, I’ve been thinking of purchasing Father Philippe’s book Searching for and Maintaining Peace (on the recommendation of a friend). I’ve read some of his other books, and have also had the opportunity to hear him speak at a local parish a few years back. What a dear priest he is!
Either of these books would be a tremendous blessing.
God bless you and yours!
Melisa
Melisa, wow! That is very powerful. And you will find solidarity with Melody and what she wrote about what people should NEVER say to a child when parents are divorcing:
http://www.blossomingjoy.com/blog/2015/8/14/divorce
I could definitely use more peace…!
Both books are powerful. Would love to win an extra copy to give as a gift.
I would love to enter the giveaway: thank you so much for helping so many of us recover from the aftermath of the 20th century’s bizarre ideas about human nature and their consequences. <3
Thank you for this giveaway. Would love a copy of each. One to give away and one to read.
Thank you for this giveaway. Both books look amazing,
Great giveaway!
Thank you for the chance to win these! Both look wonderful.
As a counselor, I definitely want both of these books in my library—thank you for introducing them to us!
Thank you for sharing both of these books. My parents are still married, though living separately during the week, together on the weekends and at family get togethers, holidays, etc. (A much more dramatic and involved story.) This all happened in my adult life, late twenties, when I was already married and with a couple of children of my own and I can tell you, it was and still is painful. I cannot describe in words how painful it has all been. I feel lucky that it has only pushed me closer to my husband and children, but have felt a serious loss towards God and my faith. Thank you for sharing.
Most of my friends are serious Catholics, and a disturbing number are affected by divorce. These books would be very helpful.
Thank you Leila for blessing us with these two important books. I’ve never heard of either of them. What a great help these will be to so many. I would so appreciate winning the book about peace by Father Philippe. Thank you for this opportunity.
These would both be great gifts for people on my list, and they’re on my list of books to read, too!
These both look great!
Would love to win a copy of Father Philippe’s book!
I’ve been wanting the Fr. Jacques Phillipe book for awhile and I know someone who needs the other book!
This post is coming at just the right time for me. I always thought my parents had a “good” divorce and that I was “lucky” because they divorced when I was just 1 year old and I didn’t remember them fighting or the actual divorce process. I thought these things because I was constantly told these things by parents, relatives, and therapists! I’ve learned since having my own children that this thinking was absolutely wrong. Aside from finally feeling anger and profound sadness about my parents’ divorce (30 years late), I’m learning that the divorce has had insidious and deleterious effects on the ways I manage conflict. Thankfully, my husband is very patient and understanding in helping me work through them. I’d really love to read both of these books!
I would like to read either of those books. Thank you!
Thank you for offering the giveaway.
Would love to read Primal Loss!
I have the peace book, so I’d like Primal Loss!
Always searching for peace. These look excellent! Thanks for the giveaway.
I have wanted to read primal loss since it was published. I too am married to a man who has been deeply hurt by his parents divorce and we continue to crawl our way through the sludge of divorce damage. Only by God’s grace and the grace of the Sacrament of Marriage are we still married ourselves. Thank you for making this available and for your recommendation.
I would love to read both. Thank you!
I would love to read both of these! Much like you, Leila, I’m a convert married to a revert, and though we are happily married with 6 children, I’m only beginning the plumb the depths of my pain as they grow up and begin lives of their own. It continually surprises me how damaged I am AND how much grace I’ve been given to marry into a wonderful, loving family.
My husband is a minister. I would love to be able tobgive him a copy of Primal Loss to help with those he counsels.
I would love to win both these books!
I would love the chance to win these! My husband is sadly from a broken family (parents divorced when he was 9) so I think it would really help us and be insightful.
A timely post! I would love to read either book, but the Fr. Phillipe book is on a topic I need to hear.
I would love to win one of these books.
Thank you for these giveaways!
What a blessing these books would be! 😊 Thank you for the opportunity! 🌷
I’m current reading Primal Loss. It is a MUST READ for any couple with children considering divorce. As an adult child of divorce myself, I have found it to be validating and therapeutic albeit incredibly tragic and sad. As I read it, I share passages with my wife, who comes from a loving and intact family. She has been literally shocked by what to me was a normal part of my childhood. It has helped her to understand my pain and helped us grow as a married couple. For those reading this comment, even if you don’t win the book, I highly recommend you read it. Anyone would be enlighten by the painful stories in this book. In face, I just ordered 5 copies to give away – 1 for my priest and the rest to give away to others.
I would love to read both of these books and also give them to my siblings.
Do you think Fr Jacques’ book would also help a divorced parent find healing? Or is it more directed toward children?
Amada, Fr. Philippe’s book is not about divorce — it’s spiritual reading that would be helpful for any Christian. He explores what the saints have said about humility, dealing with our failings, and overcoming the pride of lacking peace, no matter what our circumstances might be. It’s very gentle and good. I recommend it for everyone!
I would love to read either of these books. Thank you for making them available!
I appreciate you opening this up for a giveaway. both of these sound like great reads :)
I’ve already read Primal Loss and bought three copies for local priests, but could really do with the second book!
I’ve always wanted to read Father Jacques book!
Wonderful idea for a giveaway. I would love to read both of these books.
Thank you for highlighting Primal Loss! Such good title. I have been wanting to read it for a while – I am sure it will help me understand my life better and, hopefully, help others too.
I would love to read Fr. Philippe’s book and to share it as well. Thanks for sharing your good finds with all of us.
Thank-you, {dear Leila}, for kindly offering the gifts of both of these books, and to not just one but *three* people. I, too, would be among those that would be thankful to be able to read them.
I think I would benefit from reading these books. Thank you for the giveaway.
I would love Searching for and Maintaining Peace, as my husband is going on a silent retreat in January and I would love to gift this to him. Thank you!
I would love the Father Philippe book please.
Thank you for your generosity. I would like to read both books. If I am chosen to win, will you choose which one? Thanks so much!
Thank you for these recommendations. As a product of a divorced family and recently fearing for my own marriage, and lacking the peace that my children deserve as I interact with them, these books would be absolutely welcome in my home.
Thanks for the contest. And the recommendations.
Hi! I would love an opportunity to win either book. I have been thinking a lot lately about peace and how to embrace more of it in my home, so it would be wonderful to win these books. Thank you!
Primal Loss has been a powerful help in the continuous healing from my parent’s divorce, my own, and in my current marriage. It has given me much insight into the silent suffering of so many souls.
And it comes as no surprise that Amazon has a five star review on every single one of Fr. Jacques Philippe’s books!
I would like to give this to my ex-husband. My prayer is that we reconcile while our children are still at home.
Li Bi — let’s storm heaven with this request! Know that all the saints and angels are on your side. We will pray for this!!
I would like to find more peace in my life.
Both books sound very interesting.
Thanks for the excellent books, hoping to receive one !
These both sound excellent.
I would like to read these books. Thank you for the chance!
As a woman who is considering divorce because of constant conflict, I would love to read both books.
Tyna, I will pray for you! Thank you for considering reading Primal Loss before you make any decisions. God bless you!
Tyna, I second Leila’s comment! Do read the book. If you are moved to email me, I will do my utmost to help you. God bless!
Hello Auntie Leila~ Thank you for such a thoughtful gift….as an adult child from two divorces, this may help me not fall into terrible traps with my children. Such a great ministry for others! Happy Advent to you and yours~
Thank you for this giveaway Leila. I am a child of divorce and have experienced amazing grace and healing from 8 years of counsel from a spiritual father (priest). My woundedness has been the touchstone place where Jesus has met me and called me. It was through the witness of other faithful marriages and my husband’s family history without much divorce – and the teachings on Catholic marriage that gave me the courage to get married when I was 22. 19 years this spring – and 8 children later- yay!
Would love to win!
I would love a chance at winning these books! Thank you!
I know that you are a child of divorce. Did your mother read this book? How did it impact her? How did their divorce impact you? You seem to have “bounced back” – how did being a child of divorce affected your own parenting? OK, I’m just being nosy I guess. :)
Sue, divorce is terrible for everyone. I would not say I “bounced back” — I would say that I experienced a much-needed and rather miraculous healing that maybe someday I will write about, and that I also, even with that healing, had many years of heartache. If I didn’t have a very understanding husband (whose parents were married almost 66 years when his dad died!), I wouldn’t have made it. There’s no bouncing back in divorce.
Agree, Leila. There is NO BOUNCING BACK!
Thank you very much Leila for all that you share with us. You are such a joy!
– Danielle
I had never heard of Primal Loss, but recently had been praying there was a way for me to begin understanding the effects of my in-law’s divorce on their family. Your post is really an answer to that prayer, and the book is going to come to our home no matter what happens in the give-away.
I admire Fr. Jacques Phillipe so much and I think the book on adult children of divorce would be a fascinating (though heartbreaking!) read. This is such a cool giveaway!
The Fr. Jacques book has been on my “to read” list for some time. Thank you for the reminder and the opportunity for the giveaway! I am blessed to have been married for 13 years, having married on my grandparents’ 51st anniversary and two weeks before my parents’ 26 anniversary. My husband’s parents have been together longer than mine. Primal Loss sounds like a difficult read, but I do have other family members and friends who have been hurt in divorce and I think it may help me understand.
Primal Loss really intrigues me. My older brother is currently going through a divorce and he has 2 young children. I would love to pass this book along to him.
I have been considering these books recently because my husband and I are on the verge of a divorce. I am looking for anything that might help me understand. His parents divorced when he was young and I believe it effected him so deeply. I have seen the results of that in our marriage and family life. I’m feeling rather hopeless at this point.
Yulia, many children of divorced parents end up divorcing. But it doesn’t have to be that way! Pray, read, and do NOT give up!! We will pray for you!
My parents are now in the midst of divorce. Looking back on my childhood, I see the cracks, but sometimes have trouble reconciling what is happening with the happy childhood I thought I had. I am very interested in reading Primal Loss.
Erin, you will be amazed at what you learn from reading Primal Loss. You are not alone in the feelings of confusion you have right now. God bless you and I will pray for you and your parents!
Yes, please! I love Fr Jacques’ book but would love another copy to give to a friend. And I have been wanting to read Primal Loss for a long time. My husband and I work with engaged couples and have found that divorces in their backgrounds have a tremendous impact on preparing for their marriage. I know reading this book would help us to better understand and help them prepare more effectively.
I have the Fr. Philippe book and would love to read Primal Loss.
I would love to read both books!
I would love to have these books to read myself and share with my family. My mom is in the process of divorcing my dad, and already, it has been terribly hard on everyone.
Just what I needed today.
I would love to read these books. Thank you!
I would love to read these, thank you for the giveaway!
I hate when I hear “children are resilient” when someone is speaking of, or justifying a divorce. I am the product of divorce, and children are not resilient! They survive, sometimes with much destruction heaped on themselves, by themselves, never understanding why they do the things they do. God can heal anyone, but sometimes it takes a very long time to even know you need to be healed. Hopefully, books like this can help to begin that healing process.
Thank you for the chance to win these! The second one sounds like balm to the weary soul. As a child of divorce, I am so thankful for the message of the first!
Thank you for the chance to win these books. As a child of divorce I think one of the most harmful things to me was how normal it all seemed. I’m not sure I could read much of a painful book like that one, but God is faithful, he brings healing through the right means at the right time. Thanks for your part in healing our culture and caring for people.
“As a child of divorce I think one of the most harmful things to me was how normal it all seemed.” — Yes, this. It’s what makes the child often feel crazy. This is one of the best things I’ve read on that:
http://www.blossomingjoy.com/blog/2015/8/14/divorce
Count me in please!
This post and the subsequent comments have increased my prayer life already. I am praying for all of the marriages here that are on the brink. Both my parents and my husband’s parents are still married, a blessing I do not take for granted. I am praying, not because marriage is always easy, but because I know it is not, nevertheless, marriage is good, and gives us opportunity to be like Christ in so many ways. Much love and prayers for all of the marriages reflected on this blog, mine included. ( I would love to read both of these books.)
Thank you Julie! For me, not always knowing what is normal has been one of the biggest challenges. Of course the Church has been an amazing guide in this area. God bless you and your family.
I love Jacque Phillipe!! And the other sounds good and necessary, would love to read it.
Would love to read both titles!