Every time I hear someone say “oh, she insists on wearing that cotton sundress even though it's 20° outside” or “my kids complain the house is too cold” or “he's just cold-blooded, he refuses to put on socks” I think, dream, and fantasize about the blog post I'm going to write on the topic of dressing children properly.
Thrifted booster seat — I'm so excited to put my grandson in this! |
So here it is, and people, please don't tell me about how warm it is where you live. I'm not in a good mood thinking about winter as it is, and I will be seriously put out if I have to listen to you tell me about how you don't even have a coat and your kids are just fine in their bathing suits. I commend your foresight on choosing a warm place to live, and I'll be back to talk to you soon about cleaning up the kitchen! I bet your kitchen is a mess.
Rosie's visiting with little Pepito, as we call him! So happy… |
The point is that many children are running around not properly dressed for various reasons, and I'm going to set you straight on it once and for all.
First, we all know how hard it is to switch the clothes out each season. Those of us who are not squandering our salvation by living in the tropics, that is, but who, rather, are working out our purgatory here in the dark north.
But it has to be done. Putting away clothes. Try to focus on what I'm saying.
Somewhere along the line I realized that it's not quite such a burden if you do one child at a time. And if you play your cards right, you'll work it so that the ones who are actually capable of finding their own shorts in spring or cardigans in fall get it done before you get to them, saving you a few steps.
A New England breakfast: leftover apple pie and cheddar cheese…. |
Do brush up on Laundry Problems Start with Clothes. Get rid of anything that isn't helpful. Put away summer clothes.
Just put them far away.
Your four-year old won't wear that favorite tank top if it's in a box in the attic. Get her excited about winter clothes instead. Tell her next year is another year. Bribe her with candy. Just get rid of them.
Then use this transition to implement some rules that may be new to your family — if you want people to be dressed sensibly.
You see, between fashion dictates issued by hot cubicle dwellers, and overheated cars and schools, people have lost a piece of the collective memory that relates to keeping warm. Some of us who can't afford to crank up the heat until our little darlings are comfy in t-shirts and flip-flops in the middle of winter have had to figure things out for ourselves. If you want to live simply and save on heating, as well as be the proud mom of the kid who doesn't get frostbite when the car breaks down, listen up!
Babies are a special category, so I'll discuss them first.
I don't know if it was Dr. Spock or T. Berry Brazelton, but some silly man came up with the patently false idea that babies' feet don't need to be covered… something about their circulation being undeveloped so their feet will feel cold to you, so why bother doing anything about it. When I passed along this bit of nonsense to my mom, she sensibly pointed out that if their circulation isn't good, maybe you should put socks on their little feet.
The main thing to remember about babies is that when you completely undress them you let out all the body heat. So when the air is cooler, you need to be careful when changing a baby's diaper to keep his middle covered. Did you ever wonder if the reason he cries when being changed is that the cold is like a knife on his skin? Bring on the frigid wipes!
Also, an underwear shirt is for keeping the warmth in. Don't change it all the time unless you have to! Keep the undershirt on and just change the outer layer. Undershirts are so the skin isn't exposed needlessly to the cold air.
When your baby has that mottled look — like tea-dyed eggs — on his arms and legs, his little body is too cool! That's how you tell, ladies. That's how I can tell your baby is cold, even though you don't feel cold yourself.
Even if you are overheated from your nursing hormones or your exertions chasing down toddlers, even if that brisk wind feels heavenly to you, you can tell baby's temperature by how his limbs look. Many a baby portrait has been spoiled for me by seeing that mottled skin! Those little purple veins! I know that baby isn't warm!
Now it's true that some silly moms overdress their infants to the point of smothering. I guess that's what those baby doctors were addressing. You have to use your common sense. If he's pink and fussy, he's too hot, but don't suddenly expose him to a breeze. Just remove a layer, take off the hat, or loosen the wrappings.
If he's blotchy and a little paler than normal, he's too cold! But just wrapping him up won't help. You have to warm him up first, which is why a chilly baby is a fretful baby, seeming to want to nurse more than usual. It's his survival mechanism, trying to get warmth from you. The problem is that when you put him down again, he gets chilly again.You might be okay with constantly holding him, but he may be losing valuable energy for other activities just staying warm!
So first change him to a dry diaper, put on a onesie, then a soft warm outfit and socks, and for an infant, a little cap. Then nurse him with a blanket covering both of you. Don't let the heat warming his belly escape from his back!
When you switch him from one side to the other or put him down in the cradle, don't lift the blanket completely off to re-position it. Just sort of slither him around under it so that the warmth doesn't get lost.
Always have a blanket near by. When I see a mom out with a baby and no blanket, I get an anxiety attack.
What about air conditioning? What about sudden changes in the weather? What if he gets his outfit wet? As he sleeps he is gradually losing body heat. What if he takes an unexpected nap? Even in the warmest weather a baby needs a blanket handy just in case (this kind is so useful for an all purpose layer). But in cold weather it's a must.
Do you remember Rosie and Philip's wedding quilt? I got it basted and have started the quilting. |
Now on to the older children…
The most important principle to insist on is that of layering. I'm not a big fan of bulky sweaters and sweatshirts for young children. First, as a child whose skin was exquisitely sensitive to wool and anything oddly textured, I sympathize with the tactile issues of that kind. I also happen to hate acrylic sweaters. They are not particularly warm and get strangely stiff and pilled as soon as they are washed. That sad, tired, pilled look makes the child look unattractive. You aren't doing him any favors by making him look dreary.
And an unsupervised child will put a sweatshirt on over his bare skin to warm up in the morning. Later, when it gets too hot for it, he can't take it off or he'll be naked! So he overheats.
No, a child, girl or boy, should wear an undershirt and a shirt (long-sleeved once the weather starts to freeze). Girls should wear tights or leggings and skirts or jumpers or socks and pants. Boys should wear socks and pants.
Pants, skirts, and jumpers should be twill or corduroy or denim or velveteen (for girls). Shirts should be knit or broadcloth or flannel. I'm partial to turtlenecks myself but understand that children hate them. I give it a try, though, and usually a toddler doesn't know enough to complain!
Leggings are fine but never allow a daughter of yours to sport the egregious fashion of leggings in place of pants. First, they are drastically immodest. Second, they are not warm enough alone. If the top is shorter than a tunic coming just above the knee, the child needs something proper on her nether regions.
If it's really cold, they should wear a thin sweater, vest, or sweatshirt. I believe in taking stock of the temperature and then insisting that they put that thin third layer on if it's something you would wear a sweater for.
Later, if they want to, they can take it off (but have to put it away! That's a good disincentive to indiscriminate stripping). But they have to start with it on. Usually though, the undershirt and shirt are enough for a child aged 2 to about 10.
Now, the same principle applies to children as to babies. Help them understand that the undershirt is the layer beneath which they don't go unless bathing. Keep the undershirt on when changing from pajamas to dress clothes, say. That way you stay warm and getting dressed in the morning isn't such a shock!
It's your job to make sure that your child is dressed appropriate to the situation. It's not good enough to think that you told them to dress warmly and then accept it when they don't. A child can't foresee that although he feels warm now, he will be cold on that walk in the wind. And you aren't seeing him later, unable to function because he's only wearing one thin layer.
It's even worse for girls who love to wear pretty dresses but don't have the habit of putting on an undershirt first. It's fine when they are running around the warm house or in the warm car, but later the chilled air goes right up their front! They end up huddled with their skinny arms inside their dresses…
Now, a word about the imaginative child who isn't so much getting dressed as entering an alternate reality.
Believe me, I am very familiar with army guys who can't part with their cammies or princess fairies who don't feel comfy without their tulle. My affinity for superheroes knows no bounds! I also understand that child who, for whatever reason, just feels more himself wearing that certain outfit.
But just as you wouldn't let a child eat cake rather than dinner or gummie bears for breakfast, so you have to do what's best for a cowboy who is going on a hike and just won't make it in tight boots and no socks, or a ballerina who needs to brave the snow banks. And a child's self-image will only improve when he finds that he stays the same person even in a different pair of pants.
Don't tell me “she just won't wear tights” or “he hates undershirts.” That's not good enough, and I'll tell you why.
If your child learns now to obey your thoughtful, reasonable guidelines for dressing, they will be ready when the day comes at age 15 to obey you when you say the dress is too short or the pants are too baggy.
When the battle seems too much for you and your combatant is three, think what it will be like when he's 17! If you can't talk him into a t-shirt now, how will you tell him that his old ripped jeans are no good for Mass then?
One reason this does seem like warfare is that we have succumbed to the “choices” school of child-rearing. But I don't buy it. There is no reason a child should shoulder the responsibility of figuring out so much stuff. It's hard enough to know to brush your teeth without throwing meteorological variables in the mix.
Children love to be told, “This is how we do it.” Notice that they allow themselves to be buckled into a confining car seat each and every time you take a trip! That's because you are afraid of the police.
But you need the confidence — without the arm of the law backing you up — in other areas too. You need to be the grownup who simply presents a fact: this is how we dress in cold weather. You have to take the time with your toddler who is learning how to dress to say, “First clean undies, then a t-shirt, then a shirt….”
You have to have the guts to send someone back upstairs to get something warmer on.
I can't believe I found this backing fabric! |
And let me tell you a perfectly valid reason to insist: Do it because it makes other people comfortable! Other people can't be happy if you are wearing shorts in the middle of winter! Other people won't relax if you have bare legs when it's freezing!
You don't have to dress as warmly as the coldest person in the room, but you do have to take others' peace of mind into account. And that means wearing seasonal clothes!
Once it's below 40 or so, break out the mittens, hats, and scarves. Make sure the jacket zips. Teach them to put their gloves in their pockets. I hate seeing children with frozen, red, chapped hands and chattering teeth! If we weren't so reliant on our warm cars we'd be more careful… and yet, who is to say that the car will always function, or that you won't find yourself somewhere exposed to the elements?
You also need to be flexible enough to allow the fringed vest with each and every outfit, or the tutu over the skirt. When you go grocery shopping, you will care very much if your child can't make it through the parking lot because he's too cold, but not at all if he's wearing a fireman's helmet. So don't sweat it. Then, when it comes time to going to church, you just inform him, “We'll leave the army boots here and get them when we get back.”
Much of what passes for fashion is actually arrested development. It's young people, especially girls, acting out a role rather than presenting themselves in a reasonably attractive and appropriate manner.
I believe that it's the little girls who were allowed to totter around in dress-ups no matter what the occasion who then have no realistic idea of what to wear later, and who also haven't had the experience of being required to abandon their self-consciousness in favor of practicality. When you are five you just accept the reality you are presented. When you are 14 it's hard to do if you don't have practice.
I have noticed that parents think they can put off demanding things of their child until some undetermined time when that child is “more reasonable.” But in fact, your child will be reasonable later on if you quietly present him with opportunities — in the area of food, dress, sleep, and behavior — now in which to obey and meet your standards.
Do you worry that your teenager won't respect your authority? That your daughter will be immodest? That your son will be slovenly? Start now and you won't have trouble later.
And by the way, it doesn't hurt for you to have the proper tights, shoes, gloves, and hat either!
MamaHen says
LOVE THIS! I live in the deep south and it is stinkin hot here. But inside is the cold air conditioner! I even wrote a blog post about putting socks on your babies in church. Please, please. Their little legs get so blue. You are a wise woman.
Leah says
I also live in the south. Sometimes I think I have to be MORE careful when dressing the children when it gets “cold” here. My poor little southern children just can't handle the cold. At our house we have what my mother called the 60 degree rule. If it is 60 or below, you wear a coat/jacket to school. It takes some of the guesswork out of deciding whether you need a jacket, and they know they can always put it in their backpack if they get too hot.
HollyElise says
I live in Hawaii – but the baby dressing applies here too! There is air-con *everywhere*, those wee toes and feet get cold!
But because it's Hawaii, it's very rare to see mamas with blankets and socks for their babies…
I agree whole-heartedly about the older-child dressing as well – teaching a 3-year-old is teaching a future 17-year-old! 🙂
Deb says
Amen!
Jill F. says
Leila,
you are such a wise woman! I am saving this post. It should be published in a book!
Jill F.
Emily says
Wouldn't it be wonderful to take all of Auntie Leila's epic posts and publish them? I would give it to every new mother I know!
Domestic accident says
I couldn't agree more!
Christine says
Oh, I hate to see a baby without a hat!!! I still take a blankie with me everywhere and my baby is two!! Sometimes even when she not cold just the act of snuggling up will keep her happy through church :0)!! And I can't agree more on the comment that fashion is often arrested development – and adolecents acting out a role. I have four teens and each one has a different idea of how they would like to dress. I insist on modesty and cleanliness and one other thing – no advertizing all over their bodies!! I really don't want my kids to be walking billboards :0)!! Thank you for the wise encouragement!!!
Alice says
I got colder just reading this post, thinking about those kids. Off to put on a sweater… (and finish, on the way, unpacking our winter clothes, since the cat burst the vacuum-sealed storage bag and there's no point keeping a bulky, air-seeping bag in the closet, especially now that it's getting really chilly.)
Theresa says
Thank you, Thank you!! Amen and Amen! You have it exactly, Leila. I do not enjoy seeing children not
dressed properly. Cold weather and my daughters wore undershirts and socks. Later, as they matured,
we added camisoles to help keep tummies and backs warm. They also had blanket sleepers for warmer
nights in a drafty old house. I am glad to say my grandchildren are dressed for the weather and look cared
for everyday. I have to think that it is in part that their grandmother cared to insist that their mothers dressed
for each and every day all those years ago.
Thanks also for the pictures. That quilt is going to be a treasure. The backing is exquisite!
Rabbit says
Frequent reader, but a rare poster. Is this the first announcement that your grandbaby is a grandSON??
_Leila says
There's been talk…
The Ipps says
This is a wonderful post. How would you suggest limiting falls when slipping on socks for my pre-schoolers and toddler?
Breanna says
My daughter has a pair of croc-type slippers she can put on herself, that provide some traction. Otherwise I keep putting their shoes back, back, and back on. 🙂
Oh, and I've seen socks for littles with grippy-traction stuff on the soles, but we only have a few pairs of those.
melissa says
slippers in the house with leather soles….no going around wearing out socks or dirtying them for more laundry.
In our house, slippers are non-negotiable even for toddlers who make a fuss or try to take them off!
The Ipps says
Where do you purchase your slippers? I always see the ones with rubber bottoms that only have a slight groove. They are slippery too. I am all about slippers, great idea, especially not getting socks dirty and holey…'cause that seems to happen a lot.
Meg says
I wish all my students followed this! It can be so hard for kids to pay attention in the classroom when they are clearly too hot or too cold. Once they're dressed reasonably for the weather, THEN they can add their fashion expression, and they can focus on the lesson much better.
Joy in the South says
1. You are totally right that what you allow your toddler to do today may backfire on you when they are teenagers. It's good to think about what kind of privileges we give our toddlers because we're really raising teenagers.
2. Amen to less choices. I used to have trouble with my small children having temper tantrums until I learned to take away choices. Mommy does, indeed, know best.
Thanks for a great blog!
From an “older” mom 😉
Dawn says
Love this sensible (again!) post and love that quilt! I'm wondering whatever happened to common sense?
Lisa says
You are cracking me up Leila! Love this. I share your concerns about freezing babies and kids but have a son who said he was training for the Navy SEALS while jogging laps in the backyard, in the winter, in the falling snow, on mud, with freezing wind, while wearing shorts and a t-shirt. He's 13 now and this was three years ago. He's a very driven person.
The booster seat is the best find ever, and that quilt and backing fabric are just fantastic! Also, beautiful Rosie (and of course, Bridget there in the background) 🙂 !
_Leila says
Training for the SEALS is an exception to my rules. Special forces in general require different dress codes 😉
brooke says
lol … yeah, I don't insist on much clothingwise unless we are headed somewhere that it matters (snowshoeing, for instance!).
But I do take into account that one of my sons was born with heat rash and to this day is rarely cold. In fact, he suffers if I make him dress as everyone else needs to in order to stay warm! He has been sort of accosted for improper wear in the past (and by “improper” I mean not warm enough) … but it's just something we have to deal with for this particular child. Everyone else looks nice and toasty … he just already is!
Emily says
This is absolutely true, even in sunny southern california…because children are children here too! I have one son who would like to wear long sleeve shirts and sweaters all summer. Because he likes them. And if I let him he'd end up getting heat stroke! Another son thinks that he should be able to go barefoot in shorts and without a shirt even when it is 60 degrees outside (“turn on the heater, Mom!”) Proper dressing is something that has to be taught.
Barbara says
Go Leila! You said it all.
“Always have a blanket near by. When I see a mom out with a baby and no blanket, I get an anxiety attack.”
Oh there has been many a mama to whom I wanted to say, “Put a hat on that baby!”
Babies need one light layer more than every one else.
I was lucky I never had clothes fights with my boys. Ever. I told them what to wear and when and they were good, obedient boys. My daughter and I have arguments, but once I've spoken, I never waver. She must look presentable if we are leaving the house, period. And warm clothes are absolutely a must! We keep the house pretty chilly though, so usually there's not much complaint!
Good for you, Leila. These young mamas today…sometimes I really wonder how they were raised.
womanofthehouse says
I have a daughter who doesn't care two hoots what she looks like or what she has on. It's sometimes hard making her change into matching clothes and making herself presentable, but I insist on it. I tell her it's for other people's benefit as much as for hers. After all, it's the rest of the world that has to look at her.
heather says
Love this post but disagree! in a nice way! I am very warm blooded and so are my children! I do dress them warmer than I but we all get flushed cheeks and very warm and uncomfortable. we do NOT wear sweaters! except cardigans. they drive us all crazy! but I def. agree with most of your post! I DO have my girls wear undershirts and shorts under dresses/shirts. for modesty and an extra layer! I think they need that extra layer when they are at school. And I do have a 3 yr. old who has his “best” shirt! I do let him wear it too often/long. but then I say “NOW! it's getting washed!” One more thing, my girls and I discuss modesty a lot with clothing. I have RULES, but as far as climate, that's up to them (mostly!)
_Leila says
But…I am not a sweater proponent!
Under.wear.
Tee. Shirt.
margo says
1. that is an adorable booster (and hard to find nice boosters now! we use 2 books)
2. I ADORE how you are quilting the quilt! and that backing is just amazing.
3. BRAVA!!! for the whole post. I couldn't agree with you more. One helpful thing I got from Dr. Brazelton was to dress a baby one layer warmer than what you are wearing.
I insist that my children wear slippers, not just socks, in our chilly house in the winter. Yeah, it means I have to keep up slippers with their sizes, but so far it hasn't been a problem and their socks are cleaner and their feet are warmer.
My husband is not always on board with the dress code around here. I have had to go to church early for music preparation and when he shows up with the kids, one of them has had an accident and he's put clean play clothes on them, not the Sunday clothes laid out. MEN. Honestly.
Deirdre says
Oh my WORD that fabric is so beautiful!!! I want to make a dress, 20 pillows, 4 sets of window treatments, and various crafts out of it.
Also that booster seat is wicked cute.
This post is funny. It just made me think of those — ugh — dreaded turtlenecks you used to make us wear! haha!
Jackie says
“And by the way, it doesn't hurt for you to have the proper tights, shoes, gloves, and hat either!”
If Mom goes about in cold weather with a blouse that's just too cute for a sweater over the top and inappropriate footwear, then it's likely the daughters will, too. If Dad refuses to wear a coat/hat/scarf, then the boys will, too. It KILLS ME that people do these things and the wonder why their babies are sick from November through March (or longer)! Dress for the weather and you'll be more comfy and less likely to catch cold! UGH!
Oh, and the blanket thing…YES YES YES! You just never know when you're going to need a blanket. I keep a heavy wool one in the car (it's rather large, but it lays flat in the trunk and doesn't take up much space) just in case. But the babies ALWAYS need their own blankets, too. It helps them feel safe in strange places because it smells like home and it's familiar to them…even if it's not their lovey.
Thank you for this post, Leila. You're a great mama. Thank you for encouraging others to live up to our potential, too. 🙂
Hillary says
THANK YOU.
I love the part where you talk about making a small child obey now so that the large child will obey later. That is the driving thought behind almost all my parenting decisions, though as I only have small boys now, it's more a hope and a remembering of the fear of Mom (I joke, respect is the better word) my own mother instilled in us. Whenever I feel like a mean mom for making my not-quite-3-year-old fuss, I think what it would be like to have a 13-year-old, likely bigger than me, who had no proper respect for me.
priest's wife says
Being called a 'mean mom' means you are doing it right- and I'm sure your 3 year old still gives lots of kisses
Provincial HOmemaker says
Another wise post. I remember my Mum used to make me wear a singlet (as an undershirt is called hee in Australia) right up until the end of primary school. I hated it, but I was never had a cold chest….the legs on the otherhand. I blame a school that thought a sensible winter uniform included ankle socks for primary school girls!
Emily says
Wonderful post! I just switched out all of our clothing today and noticed that we have no baby hats that fit our little four month old (not sure how that happened, since the other two wore them everyday indoors and out).
sibyl says
Hear, hear. And may I comment as an aside that a firm “this is how we do it” when started young really takes the bitterness out of dressing for church on Sunday. We just made a rule: boys in button-downs, “church pants” and “church shoes,” girls in dresses or skirts that hit the knee, with church shoes.
It is amazing how much easier it is to have the rule, and just stick to it. To complaints I would recommend one very useful little word: “alas.” As in, “Oh, you don't like putting on church clothes because they aren't as comfortable. Alas, my son, but you must.”
priest's wife says
as usual- love your post and the comments- let me tell you- even in warmer climes, we have to be prepared- Last week it was 113- today it was rainy and 61- I usually pack the van with 2 changes of clothes for everyone- for hot or (relatively) cold weather.
priest's wife says
BY the way- Auntie L- you are now entering the fruits of your labor (quite literally)- my mom is up to 17 grandkids and loves to engage in baby worship- Many years of baby worship to you!
Cary says
This post is fantastic. I will be printing it and sending it to my sister. She is a single mom and boy does she have trouble ahead for her! When I talk with her on the phone, I hear her give her children all kinds of choices. I keep saying, you don't give them choices. I am sure she will take the advice from someone else besides her bossy older sister! I love what you say about fashion. I am so blessed to know how to sew and have taught my daughter, now 14. She is so talented and makes the most beautiful and modest clothing and, of course, looks better than current fashions.
Shauna says
I loved this post! It's shocking to me to see babies with bare feet everywhere I go. And just this past Sunday, my own 2-year-old niece was dressed in a thin cotton sundress and sandals with a little sweater cardigan for church – and it was 50 degrees outside! Her little legs must have been freezing…but my brother and his wife do the whole “she won't wear” tights, or socks, or whatever if you mention it. My 14-month-old is always in socks and shoes when we're out of the house, and almost always has an undershirt or onesie on under his outfit. But then again, I'm one of those neurotic moms!
Would you consider talking about children and sleep? We have struggled from day one to get our baby to sleep well. At this age (14 months), he is still waking at least twice a night. Everything I read either says let them cry it out (which we've tried once or twice and he's the kind who will scream all night until he's made himself sick) or let them sleep with you and nurse whenever they wake up. Which is right? I would love a good's night sleep, or even just a way to keep him in his own bed when he wakes up during the night. Thanks so much for your wonderful website!
Christina says
A great post! I was just realizing the need to pack away those too cute summer outfits.
Another great thing for diaper changes in winter is those BabyLegs! Put them on a little one, and even if you have to take off his pants, his poor legs are still covered during the diaper change. They go for $12 a pair at regular price, but since they're basically just foot-less long socks, I'm sure more accomplished knitters than myself could bang a bunch out in no time.
Brrrr! Thanks for the post!
Kristen Laurence says
Great post Leila! Boys especially look much better with an undershirt on, even in hot weather. Layers, layers!
Erica says
Someone above mentioned a book – please, Leila, do it! Put all of your amazing, practical, helpful, honest posts in it. It would be a best-seller!
I will always live in sunny, southern California, but I love, love, love New England. I wish I was wealthy enough to vacation there each fall. 🙂
Love all of your posts! All of them!
Bobbi says
Wow..you get so many comments these days…I hope you have time to read them all! What a problem to have!! I just love how the pictures are totally NOT related to the post but are tidbits of stuff I love…like your little grandbump and the quilt backing, etc. It's like being with a really close friend or Auntie who can tell you deep and helpful parenting advice, all while sharing the family news and love! Thank you…for being you!
_Leila says
I read them ALL! 🙂 And love every one!
stephanie says
undershirts…hmmm…I grew up in California and never thought of such a thing – that would make changing clothes much more comfortable in the cold winter for me and my kids. I have been training them to wear a t-shirt under their sweatshirt in these days of cold mornings-warm afternoons. Oh – and I love the thrifted booster and the quilt backing you found.
Beth says
Well, you'll love me because we live in the mountains where it snows 8 months out of the year and we live by the layer-rule, also! Great post. I especially love how you address immodest teen-girl dress. My husband is principal of our middle and upper school and I hear all the time how moms are glad when school starts in the fall so their girls will dress appropriately. But, what I want to say is why did they allow those clothes to be bought in the first place? Silly. You are a breath of fresh air, thank you for writing your words of wisdom!
Beth
Sarah says
I just asked my baby's doctor about this topic yesterday. She responded by “Just dress your baby as you would dress.” The problem with that is I get hot really fast. Thank you for post. Since we live in Iowa it does get really cold and layers will be key to survival. Thanks again.
Maria says
Your post is difficult for me. I have numerous children with sensory issues–two with Aspergers. THEY are not uncomfortable in how they dress. They are doing good to be out and about with others. I don't give two whits that somebody else might be bothered by their appearance.
Please cut others a bit of slack and know that we are ALL trying to do the best with can with the children GOD has entrusted to our care.
Ellen says
Reading this from a link way after the fact, but still enjoying. I agree, my baby and I very warm blooded and I am subject to guilt when kindly grandmas scold me for not having her more bundled. I love the sensible advice here, but I have to agree that we need to assume other moms know what they are doing is best for their kids. I tell myself when I am tempted to be critical that it could be a bad day for that mom and her kids and all she needs from me is a friendly smile.
Emily G says
I loved this post. As mother of a 20 month old and due (yesterday) with #2, I am already following your rules. We are just getting into tights and undershirts now cooler weather has hit.
What gets me is the way some moms go for spring clothes on baby girls way too early. It makes me want to strip off something of my own and wrap the poor baby girl in it when I see a tiny baby girl in a white cotton dress, no hat or sweater, and little socks on bare mottled legs, in March. While Mama is in a winter skirt and sweater! Really, there is plenty of time for the cute spring clothes in SPRING.
I wish more young moms read your blog.
womanofthehouse says
You've hit the nail on the head! I live in WV, and I have noticed over the past decade or so that more and more people do not dress for the weather! I see them in January in the Walmart parking lot with nary a coat or glove or hat. My husband and I used to teach at a Christian school, and we were astounded how many kids came to school with no coat. We chalked it up to kids going from warm houses to warm cars sitting in warm garages, but what about recess? Or errands after school? I have a child who dislikes wearing anything on her feet, especially inside, but if I see her shivering in the house I tell her to go put slippers on or quit shivering. lol She's 13yo and old enough now to know what to do. I guess I'm a mean mom.
Lindsey in AL says
We're not too bad in the dressing properly area, as long as I am paying attention. Our house stays VERY warm in the winter (we leave many windows open all day and night if it's not raining) because we have a huge woodstove and a tiny house. The good thing is that we live so far out that when we leave the house it's generally for the day and I have a good “think” before we leave so we tend to bring more than we need, rather than less. I've started keeping a box of “just in cases” in the back of the van (first aid kit, non-perishable snacks, extra clothes) and I need to add a couple of blankets to this box now that it's cooling off. We're in Alabama but it's been in the 50s and 60s during the day and the 30s at night all week (hooray!)
I received a blankie much like the one you linked to for our most recent baby (born in June) and I am totally besotted with it! My friend tied the layers together in several places but other than that it's just a layer of flannel and a layer of fashion cotton stitched together around the perimeter. It is just right for throwing over Baby in the Ergo carrier or in her carseat. We've ditched the bucket in favor of a safer carseat that will last until she's 6 or 8 years old so I have to remember to bundle her up when I bring her out of the car and into the open. Which is why I like the Ergo carrier so much. She can use Mama's often overabundant body heat to warm her sweet little self.
Now it's off the computer and off to dig out the decent shoes for this cool weather. All flip-flops are being stored TODAY!
Rae says
You can buy a fire brick to take up room in the wood stove, making the area inside much smaller. The fire brick will also retain heat, just like the wall of any good wood stove.
Jamie says
Just a quick reply to the older moms who may wonder about why the young moms today don't know these common sense things.
At 31 with three children 5 and under I am a first-generation returned-to-the-home mother. I am the product of two full-time working parents and a daycare then latch-key and one-activity-after-another childhood. (Don't know if that last bit made sense but hopefully it does!) Basically, my parents took care of me but there was a lot of “fend for yourself” too.
When I made the decision to become a full time wife and mother, there were SO MANY things I did not know about how to properly run a household. And yes, even seemingly silly things like how to properly dress a child can be information that maybe I didn't give much thought to, but should. I dress my children nicely, but warmly enough?? I'm going to pay more attention now!
That is why I love blogs so much because it is a way for me to get lots of tips about homekeeping/childrearing. At the age I am, I should be a PRO! But I'm not. And I know there are lots of women out there like me who are learning everything for the first time at a time in life when everything is the most hectic and when it should all be second-nature.
Tiffany says
Totally agree. All of these things are new to me too, and I am 37 years old with three children. Everything I've learned as a stay at home wife and mother I have had to figure out on my own or learn from generous and wise women like Leila (thank you!!!). My parents were divorced, then my mom remarried. She stayed home some and worked some while I was growing up, but there was a LOT of fend for yourself, and little nurturing… because guess what, her parents were also divorced and she did not learn these things and was not nurtured and then brought up four children of her own. The thing is, I don't think she values these types of things now, but I very much do.
So, yes, this is why we don't know. Some of us are really trying! We just don't know.
Faith says
Hear, hear! I would love posts on how to bathe a baby properly, too. I am 34 and missed the boat entirely on learning things from my mother. Very sad, she lives just fifteen minutes away and has hardly seen my almost three-week old. (which is why I'm commenting on this three weeks late) She is modern and selfish, sorry to say. Yes. I'm hormonal and crying now. I hope that Auntie Leila's kids know how lucky they are. That grandson will be treasured. Leila, I really appreciate your advice.
Emily says
Thank you so much for the wise advice! I am a first time mama in Michigan. I was trying to keep my 3 month old daughter warm, and remembered this post. I just went and put a onsie under her sleeper, and she feels warmer already!
Tiffany says
This is very informative and helpful, thank you! I bought my 8 year old undershirts for the first time last year. I felt like he should have them on his skinny little body going out in the world to school (not anymore, now he's homeschooled) but now I understand why~ and I will buy some for my 5 year old now too! lol. I will re-read your article as a resource. Thank you so much for passing along your knowledge.
Deb Meyers says
I can't think of another writer anywhere with the guts you have to teach the basics in such a charming way : )
As a fellow New Englander, perhaps you've seen teenagers in flip flops while SNOW is on the ground?! This…a fashion statement …. a statement of “independence”. it still shocks me. I tell them to get some boots on with much less charm than you do!
deb meyers
mary says
that was a long one! go Leila !
Monica says
I grew up in FL and have claustophobic tendencies. Raising children in IL and MN, I always was concerned with how to keep the little ones comforable while keeping them safely warm. My solution…layering. I love layering for two reasons, first for temperature control and second for the fact that an undershirt protects the outer shirt form perspiration and from antiperspirant stains. My middle son developed the same habit as a result of the dress code at his military academy high school. He is a kid who “runs Hot” so he has dropped that practice now that he lives in AZ, but he dons the undershirt (and a sweatshirt, slippers, sometimes even gloves) in the house when he comes home. This is the same kid who would leave hockey practice in shorts, flip-flops, no hat or gloves, and wet hair from overheating in the breezers, pads, and helmet. I'm sorry, Leila, but the Floridian in me allowed it. After all, the car was warm ~ and stocked with blankets, extra jackets and hats and gloves, too. We live in MN after all and are prepared always. After all, spring season baseball practice often starts on ground that still has a layer of melting snow and ice!
_Leila says
I am in sympathy with the child coming out of the hockey gear. That overheating is suffocating! and the cold air feels good!
Amy Lu says
Oh my word. This blog post deserves a Pulitzer. I think I'd like to print it out as part of every baby gift from here on out. (with permission) (and the gift would be a pair of socks, a hat, and a blanket, of course!)
Bravo! and Amen!!!
_Leila says
Thanks! Of course you may do that 😉
MostlySunny says
I think you hit on a GREAT point –and it goes beyond clothing. If you start now–you will have a better chance of them listening later. Some things are just to be “done”.
amen to your post!
Amanda says
I've read your blog for awhile now, I'm not sure how long, but I subscribe in my Reader. I have yet to comment because I always want to say the same thing and I'm always afraid it is totally inappropriate but I just really can't resist:
I love you! 🙂
Seriously, the things you write are just so practical in such a fun way and many times I feel like you've taken the thoughts out of my head. I totally agree with everything you just wrote and although my children don't always like my rules about dressing (mainly when they don't feel like going back to change)they follow them. (I have 4 children, my oldest is almost 10) I like for my children to wear cute, stylish clothes, but I also like them to be modest and age/weather/situation appropriate.
Thanks for the smiles and really… more young moms need a mom like you!
Monica says
I agree with you wholeheartedl, Amanda. This blog would have saved me millions of times when I was in the midst of the whirlwind called parenting. Leila, your voice is the calm in the storm I desperately needed all those years. Now that I have only one child at home and most days are under control, I still check-in because I know this blog will offer something to feed my soul…something I didn't even know I that I needed.
Sarah says
Okay, so I realize this is an old post and the comment may not be seen… but I must know… where does one find great undershirts for little girls? I live in the south, and it's a struggle to find anything but camisoles or long sleeved shirts with puffy sleeves, which layer pitifully. Any thoughts? Once they grow out of those sweet gerber onesies, the layering has become problematic!
_Leila says
Sarah, it has been harder over the years to find girls' t-shirts that are soft, plain, and have sleeves. Something like this:
http://www.amazon.com/Jack-Jill-Underwear-Crewneck-T-shirts/dp/B004O9D744/ref=sr_1_8?ie=UTF8&qid=1322690188&sr=8-8
or this:
http://www.amazon.com/Carters-Girls-2-6X-Comfy-Pack/dp/B004MMFWF0/ref=pd_sbs_a_8
When they get a little older, they can wear camis like these:
http://www.amazon.com/Jack-Jill-Underwear-Girls-Camisole/dp/B004O2UJY2/ref=pd_sbs_a_8
A girl who isn't in school should be happy with those until age 9 or 10 or so. After that, a regular cami will have to do — resist as long as you can 🙂
You might be able to find them a bit cheaper at Target or BJs or that type of place.
Sarah says
Oh my stars, Auntie Leila, I could kiss you. I have looked high and low and not had any success… of course Amazon saves the day! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Lindsey says
I have a much belated question – what do you suggest for pajamas for babies and toddlers who won't stay under the blankets? Our old farmhouse is quite cold and drafty upstairs at night. We usually put my daughter in a cotton short sleeved onesie and sleeper with feet. We try to use cotton sleepers as much as possible, but the only warm sleepers I can find are the polyester fleece type. What are your thoughts on those?
_Leila says
Lindsey, in winter in drafty houses (so, like ours can be 55 in the bedrooms), babies (old enough to sleep alone — say, after 9 months, when they have body fat and can regulate their own temps) should have a cotton onesie, cotton pjs, cotton socks (not tight, though) and a blanket sleeper. The best kind of blanket sleeper is a sleeveless bag that's roomy in the leg area. In that case, with his arms exposed, make the pj top be of some sort of fleecy material like sweatshirt cotton.
I personally think that poly fleece is nice and cosy, although I am against poly pjs and other clothing….but I have made blanket sleepers like the ones I describe out of pre-made quilted material — they sell it in the fabric stores and it's cotton with a poly batting.
The reason I like those sleeper bags is that I think it gives the baby more freedom of movement and keeps him warm but not stiflingly wrapped up the way blanket sleepers with sleeves and feet do. Everyone's body temp fluctuates during the night, and you need to be able to change your position and get comfy, either way.
An older toddler needs the kind of blanket sleeper with arms and legs in a cold room. The cotton layer of pjs and socks help keep the clammy feeling that the very warm layer can produce away from the skin. Just a onesie with the warm layer can be a bit sweaty against the skin.
But even a 2yo can wear the bag to bed, and it helps keep them from running around 🙂 The sight of a determined escapee trying to run in one is priceless!
Nifurmommy says
I have a just-turned two year old, and I do usually pick out weather appropriate clothing and let him pick his accessories, but lately i have had trouble getting ANY clothes on him at all and it is a drop down throw out and I hate fighting with him, or trying to chase him with a newborn in arms trying to suckle…esp when we re on our way out the door, and he is suddenly naked….again. i have tried everything i can think of and have been advised to do….
_Leila says
Nifurmommy,
Toddlers who are trying to undress are often ready to toilet train! So might start to address that. In the meantime, make dressing time a time you choose, you put the baby down in a safe spot, and then you get your toddler dressed. He can chime in, but get any clothes that are not weather appropriate completely out of the picture — i. e. put winter clothing completely away (in the attic, etc) during the summer months, and vice versa. If there simply are NO shorts to put on in the winter, he won't put them on.
Know what is for his good and what doesn't matter. Be firm on the former and easy-going on the latter. Try to see what he's getting at (maybe he loves a certain belt), but also keep his well being in mind (if it's 5 degree weather outside, then he can't know that, but he has to dress for it). He's a small child!
Stay above him and detached from him in these things. No chasing, no fighting, just calm waiting until he does what you say, or he gets a spank (see my article on spanking on the sidebar).
Kelsey says
Leila, I first read this post when you wrote it, and now that the cold weather is starting again, I've remembered how much it helped me! I don't even have children yet – I was just trying to dress myself! I somehow never really learned how to get dressed in a practical way – perhaps coming-of-age in Florida was part of the problem – but when I relocated to the northeast I was truly at a loss as to how to stay healthy and vital during the winter. At the time, I was living in a wonderful but old and very cold house, and working in a fairly run-down building with a pitiful heating system, and I was constantly sick. After reading this, I bought several fitted cotton undershirts (they aren't even camis, they have little cap sleeves,) and kept them on at all times, unless I was showering. It truly made such a difference! I cannot sympathize with those who “run hot,” as I have fairly poor circulation and am usually freezing. It's a bit embarrassing to admit that I, as an adult, would not have a clue how to care for myself in this most basic way, but I just want you to know what a lifesaver you are!
Cat says
If anyone has any suggestions for non-ribbed boys tank style undershirts I'd love to know of them. My four year old son has some tactile issues and hates the feel of ribbed tanks but gets overheated when wearing short sleeve undershirts. We're in east Texas where temps stay pretty decent but we still get some damp winter days where layers really help.
Leila, where have you been for the last 21 years of my life? As the mom of seven going on eight children I would have loved to have had your advice to back up my parenting style which is similar to yours. All of my peers were to wishy washy with their kids and constantly wavering in their parental authority while I always felt like such a dictator. I had one mother ask me how I got my kids to listen to me and I honestly answered that it never occurred to me that they shouldn't or that I should give them a choice. Thanks for being the voice of sanity.
Becky says
Thank you for this post. I grew up in Texas but now I live in Maryland. When winter comes I get so overwhelmed. It never occurred to me to dress my children in layers.
Katie says
Thank you for this Leila! I am certainly guilty of underdressing my baby :-/ I do want to add in defense of my generation, though–it seems we are constantly being bombarded with advice and warning and how to avoid Scary Things like SIDS (which is, no blankets! And don’t let the baby overheat!!) And definitely don’t put a puffy coat on the kid in the car seat. Puffy coat or any coat? Well I don’t remember so let’s just put the coat on when we get to the store. And it gets so overwhelming trying to remember all of the things we have to do that I think sometimes we just forget the baby’s hat or would rather err on the side of a cold baby at night than an overheated baby since that’s apparently dangerous. Especially when our (well intentioned) mothers tell us that we slept on our bellies with blankets and survived, but that’s not what the experts say. So anyhow, just a reminder to some of your readers to judge an anxious mama of a 2.5yo and a 3 month old a little easier 😉 and for my part, I’ll try to remember the baby’s hat for the rest of the winter! (And I’ll also renew my search for undershirts for my toddler, I wanted some last summer for her sundresses but never found any at the stores and the ones I ordered online were stiff and a bit small. Good idea to put them under her winter dresses, too, I hadn’t thought of that!)