If you missed Part 1 of this series, click here.
Last time I touched upon the fact that, sometimes, the wedding reception takes on a life of its own and doesn't reflect the bride and her whole context. There are many factors that can come into play to make it difficult for a bride to hold on to her vision or pull off the event that she really would want.
For one thing, it can be difficult to balance the desires of the parents of the bride with the wishes of the bride herself (sometimes they don't quite align). The parents might be thinking of entertaining their friends, while the bride and groom are thinking of entertaining theirs. Often, the things that appeal to one generation don't totally suit another, especially when it comes to the way that our culture tells us how to party and have fun.
But the best kind of party is one that encompasses the whole community. You, the bride and groom, will have the most fun if all your guests are enjoying themselves.
In other words, another factor in making your wedding reception the one that you want is that it be family-friendly.
After all, your wedding is about you and your groom being married, representing the possibility of a new family. A wedding day is essentially about family. And your family are the first people you think of when you make up the guest list.
Why, then, is it so difficult to have a party that your grandmother, your young nephew, and your friends can all enjoy? The magazine guides to the “Perfect Reception” don't usually help you out here, because they're not sufficiently grounded in reality and they're more about impressing people than celebrating with them. Again, you need to get back to what is authentic to you and yours, and that means having a celebration that all your loved ones, no matter their age, can enjoy.
Here are some tips for a good-times, authentic reception that is also family-friendly:
1. Be as inclusive as you can with your invitations – especially for kids.
The children in your life might not be the first to cross your mind when you draw up your guest list. But don't overlook them – your friends' children, your nieces and nephews, the little ones you babysit. They are part of your community, so they belong in an authentic celebration.
If you can afford it, and if circumstances allow (and they may not — I understand!), invite as many young people and children as you can. They might add some noise and maybe even a little rowdiness, but they will also add joy and liveliness. They will be some of your most enthusiastic celebrators and they will contribute immensely to the proper spirit of the day — and help your guests avoid devolving into a “college party” vibe on the dance floor.
2. Set the tone of the party with a greeting.
Whenever possible, the father of the bride should open the reception with a greeting to the guests and a toast to his daughter, the groom, and the mother of the bride. When the dad is there giving his blessing and being a loving presence, he is defending the event from shenanigans.
Your friends wouldn't get rowdy, crude, and drunk at a party that your dad was throwing if he was standing right there; they'd only do that if they sensed that he was absent or didn't care. So ask him to open the reception as a sign that he cares.
If your dad is absent for whatever reason, think about who else in your life is an appropriate authority figure, and ask him to perform this role at your reception.
3. Set the tone of the meal with a grace. Or: invite your priest/religious leader.
The religious leader who officiates your wedding should absolutely be invited to the reception. And the reception should be a party at which he feels welcome and comfortable. One way to ensure the latter is to call the attention of the guests and have him lead a grace before the meal (right after dad gives his greeting/toast is a good time for this, or it can be the greeting in the case that you want dad's toast to come later). Bring the tone that was just set in the ceremony into the reception hall by beginning with a prayer, and it will go a long way in contributing to the joy of the whole celebration.
Bonus: this can be a great way to include a priest or minister to whom you're close but didn't have celebrate your wedding.
4. Consider the lighting.
An event hall that has no natural light has some advantages, but is trickier to work with in a few ways. For one thing, the DJ or emcee will definitely be tempted to use artificial light to generate a certain atmosphere that might not actually be the one you're going for.
Because of a lack of a strong dancing culture in most American communities, many people are nervous to get started dancing. One popular way to get around this is to dramatically darken the environment so that people feel more hidden and are therefore more willing to get up on the dance floor. This can work to a point, but in most cases I'd say it's preferable to be able to see all your friends while dancing, and also to maintain a pleasant atmosphere for those who aren't dancing.
Consider this: while the disco light comes down and the strobe lights are flashing (and the volume is cranked up), is your grandmother able to continue her conversation at her table? Is that priest from table No. 3 suddenly squirming in his collar and looking for the exit? And how about those kids you invited – are they at risk for being trampled if this really gets going?
As much as I'm a fan of taking measures to get folks to dance, I'd recommend sticking to bright, friendly lighting, and supplementing natural light rather than supplanting it, whenever possible. Go for warm and festive lighting rather than anything intense.
I have some other thoughts for getting folks to break the ice on the dance floor, which brings us to…
5. Music is (almost) everything.
I used to fantasize, many years before I even met the Artist, about the kind of music I'd have at my wedding reception. In an ideal world, I would have had a rotation of an Irish band, a Big Band (jazz), and a small orchestra for Viennese Waltz, as well as maybe a cover band to get some of my favorite party songs in — or maybe, you know, a band that could have done all of the above.
In real life, most receptions will end up with a DJ. In the case of us married LMLD girls, it's been a playlist manned by a friend or a brother, and that's been lots of fun too.
A live band or a DJ is preferable in many ways, but if you go with one of these, you need to be very clear about expectations and aware of potential downsides (which you can avoid with clear, advance communication).
5a. Bands have their own thing that they're doing; you're hiring them not just for their music but for their whole schtick and their performance. They will likely be more of a show, drawing the attention of the whole event to themselves. If that's what you're into and you've accounted for it, then that's great and it should be awesome. But just be sure that it's what you want and it reflects you (as in, the collective you), lest you sacrifice authenticity. The same goes for some DJs, who can be great entertainers if they're good at their job, and terrible monopolizers if they're not.
5b. You must have a NO PLAY list. Do not leave all the selection up to your musical vendor. If a stranger is going to be providing your music (or even if it's a friend), you need to be extremely clear about what it is that you do and do not want to hear. Go ahead and write down a list of songs that would not be appropriate, so there's no confusion about the matter, or ask the vendor to provide you with a list of all possible selections so you can cross some out.
Too many brides have been surprised and upset by music they find themselves hearing at their own weddings. Having standards about what will be played is a big part of keeping your reception family-friendly, comfortable and fun for all.
5c. Try to emphasize dance music over “party music.” There are a lot of songs out there that are standard for weddings due to their relentless beat or no better quality than simply that they are well known (not well-liked, just well-known). People tend to fall back on music that they know because familiarity has that effect.
But these songs may not necessarily be what you want.
If you want a fun and memorable celebration, find music that you like and that will be fun to dance to.
At first, your guests may even feel a little lost if the selection doesn't immediately go to “Cha Cha Slide,” but chances are that most of them will quickly embrace a playlist that's lively, feel-good, and fun — if they see that you are embracing it.
The truth is that there is a limit to how much people want to sing along to the very same songs at every wedding, especially if they're attending many weddings in a given year!
Some suggestions for artists who I think have a cross-generational dance appeal (and these are just my taste, so I'm not setting this forth as any definitive collection): Nat King Cole, Michael Buble, Adele, Stevie Wonder, Jackson 5, Sam Cooke, Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, Frank Sinatra, Jerry Lee Lewis, The Glenn Miller Orchestra, Gloria Gaynor, Josh Turner, the Gypsy Kings…
6. Be bold and creative in encouraging dancing.
Although many people are shy or even hesitant to dance, most people do want do be part of the party on the dance floor, at least for some of the night. I know that it's standard to consider alcohol as the go-to dance enabler, but doing so comes with some risks. I think there are other ways that are just as effective and help to keep the atmosphere a little cleaner than relying just on beer.
For most people, the primary obstacle to dancing is not knowing how to dance. A great way around this is to give people a little instruction to get them going (why do you think people fall back on Cha-Cha-Slide? it's a song that literally spells out instructions!) or an outlet that requires no actual dance skill at all.
Although it may at first seem clunky to take time in a party to give a dance lesson, don't be afraid to get it out there and push through it. Anyone who has done social dancing of any kind knows that every night of good dancing starts with a little instruction, whether it's salsa, ballroom, swing, or folk dancing.
If you can enlist someone who knows how to lead a short demo or lesson in a dance (really any kind of dance, as long as it's something authentic, and not too complicated), have them gather the group up and offer their bit before getting the music going for real. If nothing else, this will get your guests on their feet and break the ice. If the men are already up and moving, they are much more likely to go ahead and ask the girls for a dance.
As for an outlet that requires no skill at all: play a dance game or give your guests some type of challenge that they can laugh over, and watch the party blossom from there. During my reception, I had all willing couples enter a “most outrageous tango” competition. There were some guests who actually knew how to tango, but most of those who entered were just having fun with it, and we rewarded those who were the zaniest, not technically the best. We did it elimination style (tapping out one couple at a time until just two were left, and then selecting a winner), and it was a blast that really got people into the dance spirit!
If a good number of your guests aren't coming from too far away, it might work to have a pre-wedding party a week or two before the event to learn some contra steps or practice swing moves!
7. Have your bridal party dress modestly.
An unwritten rule of weddings is that the bridal party is responsible for setting the tone of the celebration at the reception and facilitating good cheer and good dancing. It is difficult for bridesmaids to be exemplary if their dress is too revealing or too uncomfortable for them to be at ease. Do them (and yourself and all your guests) a favor by choosing modest dresses, and then when they're making their rounds in the party and getting other guests dancing, they'll be encouraging a warm and fun atmosphere rather than… something else.
8. Be prudent about alcohol service.
Here's the thing: if you want your party to be family-friendly, you can't have people making a mess of themselves. It's one thing for folks to kick back and loosen up over the course of the evening; it's another to have your lovely event take a sharp turn from fun to college friends raving and Uncle So-and-So being dragged out the back way.
Think carefully about who your guests are and what, and how much, will be appropriate to serve them. Perhaps you'd like to limit your drink list to no hard liquor. Maybe you'll set a cut-off point at a certain hour. You have the right to prohibit the service of certain drinks if you know, for instance, that alcohol abuse is likely among your extended family or friends. There's no hard-and-fast rule, but it is a question that demands your attention and consideration.
I've heard of families with members who will say that they're not going to a wedding unless there will be an open bar. Well, maybe there's a point at which those family members shouldn't come, if that's really what they're there for…
To keep the atmosphere joyful and fun throughout the night and avoid ugly drama, it is definitely worthwhile to exercise prudent planning about the booze. Don't worry – setting limits isn't going to kill the joy of your day; quite the contrary!
9. Dig deep for the kind of celebration you desire.
We haven't all been dealt the same hand as far as what kind of party we're able to throw.
Some folks live in naturally gorgeous places with readily available venues; some have traditional Greek bands within their own families; some have a long tradition of amazing cooks in the extended family who want nothing more than to contribute heirloom dishes for a feast… And then some might feel like there is not as much to work with when it comes to putting together a fun and memorable party.
If you find yourself discouraged on that score, here's another thought for you: no one gets to inherit any cool traditions unless someone who came before started – or revived – them! If you do your best to go for the kind of reception you really want – whatever, precisely, that is – chances are good that you are blazing the trail for someone else to get to enjoy that kind of reception, too.
It might not be “perfect,” but you'll be contributing to the collective memory and building something beautiful, and others will be grateful for your courage.
And remember: no one who will be in attendance wants it to be perfect. They love you, they want you to be happy. Never mind how much (or little) the dinner cost or how many awesome features your reception has or doesn't have – if you're happy, they'll be happy too.
What other details do you think are important for fostering a party that all ages can enjoy?
Next in this series: Google Docs Bride: The Virtual Guest List
Previously in this series:
How to get the Wedding Reception you Really Want
Becky says
My husband’s family was adamantly against alcohol use on religious grounds but I knew some of my friends would be surprised at their being no bar. We were also on a very tight budget. I was able to sidestep a lot of problems by having a morning wedding. This made it family friendly since we weren’t asking anyone to stay up late. No one expects alcohol at 10:30 in the morning. And, we were able to serve light refreshments rather than a full meal. There wasn’t dancing but there was a lot of laughter. And, we were able to have an outdoor wedding since it tends to be a little cooler in the morning. That saved a lot on decor since we were in a historic garden for both the ceremony and reception.
Becky says
Ack! That should be “there” not “their.”
Leila says
Great idea! That works so well, to have a morning reception!
Ally | A Home Called Shalom says
Yep yep yep! We did the same thing. We’re a laid-back type of couple, so we had a morning wedding and a lunch reception of burgers! It was like a picnic!
And- as a major bonus- it allowed our many, many out-of-town relatives to have plenty of time to catch up with one another and have mini-reunions of their own after the wedding was over- or if they had to travel back right away, they had plenty of time to do that, too.
Amy A. says
First of all, I am loving this series! I especially enjoy getting to see photos of so many different lovely weddings 🙂 My best suggestion for getting people to dance is, if you are the bride, ask people to dance with you! It’s your wedding day and no one is going to say no to you. After my first dance with my husband and my dance with my dad, I grabbed the first uncle I saw and asked him to dance with me. He’s not a big dancer but he agreed, and that served as a signal that the floor was open and anyone was welcome. I also highly recommend the playlist idea; we had neither space nor budget for a band or a DJ, but by using an iPod I was able to pick out not only family-friendly songs (in terms of lyrics) but songs that I knew would appeal to our specific crowd (nothing gets my Michigan family on the dance floor like Motown and Bob Seger, and I included a polka for my Wisconsin husband and his family). Plus you can “front-load” the playlist with songs that kids love (Rockin’ Robin, the Hokey Pokey, etc.) and they can help start the party before they get swept off to bed!
Wanda says
Yes! We have alway made sure the liturgy sets the tone for the reception. It is begun with a greeting from my husband and then a prayer by our very good friend. We invite the priest to add a blessing as well.
Children are always included. In fact this time, because it is an evening wedding, we are providing a special room for their entertainment along with a sitter to watch over them. This is our first wedding since the grandchildren arrived and all of them are in the wedding, so we want everyone, including their parents, to. E able to enjoy the celebration.
Our attendants are addressed in a sweet modest style. No strapless and all the dresses are a little different although all the same navy blue and of the same fabric. My daughter did a nice job of choosing modest dresses. Her gown is modest as well and of the loveliest Chantilly lace.
We do have a band this time around. They are a well known group who play just about everything. Their music will span all generations and they are lovely to work with. Trey and the Tritones travel as well so if your looking for a good group look them up.
The bar this time around will be open, but I have our planner monitoring consumption and behavior. We can close it at a moments notice if need be. It was part of the package we chose at our venue, a very historic train station that was part of my husband’s childhood.
one of the most difficult parts of this planning has been to let the youngest daughter feel like she was making decisions not based on her sisters weddings. It is easy to say, ” this is what we did…..” And I have to catch myself. I want this to be her celebration, not a repeat of her sisters.
Michele says
This series is fantastic! I wish I’d had this when I got married.
Cristina says
Agreed! I love this series but it also makes me sad! I’m just adding all this information to the “things I wish I could tell my 22 year old self” file….
April L. says
We were not specific enough with our (very very bad) DJ. We did give a short “don’t play” list, and told him we wanted Michael Buble, Harry Connick Jr., Jack Johnson–that sort of vibe. The photographer actually managed to capture the looks on our faces as we heard, “Tonight, I Celebrate My Love For You.” How I wish we had requested no 80s ballads about what was to happen in the honeymoon suite. He also played a LOT of country. We can laugh about it now, but it was upsetting on our day to feel like who we are was being misrepresented.
April L. says
Oh–and a tip for having kids at the reception! We had several children, and we actually saved some money by having a separate kids’ buffet. The kids all loved it, and the caterers were even having to shoo several adults away from it!
Katie says
I agree about #2: having the father of the bride offer words of welcome at the beginning of the party. We did this at our wedding, but I’m not sure that at the time I fully considered the pleasant effect of hospitality and tone-setting that it would have. You’re right, no doubt it goes a long way to communicating the kind of party to come. And we had another minister friend say the blessing before the buffet opens, someone from my husband’s side of the family, which added a familiar face for their guests.
Re #6 and dancing, we included in our reception some fun ideas we’d liked at other parties. We did the father/daughter and mother/son dances, but about one minute into the song, the DJ announced that all fathers/daughters or mothers/sons were invited to join, so soon we had a crowd of surprised and smiling families out there with us, keeping those two dances from being mere spectator events. Good for young families, too, where the parents could bring children out for a spin. Another idea we really enjoyed was an anniversary dance– the bride and groom invite all married couples to the floor, and then gradually the DJ narrows the pool. It’s a bit of a joke on the bride and groom, of course, because you’re the first to be eliminated, at, “If you’ve been married less than two hours . . .”; but then YOU get to sit back for a minute and enjoy your guests– a break from being the center of attention. If you and your friends are in prime wedding season, you can continue to eliminate by weeks or months before jumping to years. Plus it’s a sweet way to honor grandparents or other friends who are the last ones dancing, and it’s a little courtesy to the older folks of designating time and space on the dance floor, even if they prefer to stay seated the rest of the time. Choosing a song from the oldest generation’s era (1940s? 50s?) might be a nice touch. And one more dance-floor idea: a candy toss for children. We were only sort of jazzed about the garter/bouquet, but decided to do them simply, and then we added treats for the kiddos. Think bride-and-groom-as-piñata but without the whacking. =) The children scrambled to collect the loot, and the bridesmaids assisted and then directed the kids into a conga line (which lots of guests joined too!).
Kate says
I find it really awkward watching two people sharing a special/intimate moment on the dance floor. Not everyone is an extrovert and some moms and dads just don’t like the focused attention. And with the first Mr. & Mrs. dance it’s a good idea to not get too, um, physical (or hang all over each other). Yes, everyone knows the couple can’t wait to consummate their marriage, but don’t start it on the dance floor! Good taste, please!
Jenny says
These are great tips. One suggestion that worked well for our dance music selections was the “Singalong” Test. (Because if people are singing, they are probably dancing.) If we figured at least 50% of the crowd would be able to sing along, then it was probably a good selection. This also helped guide our DJ with the “Do Not Play” list because 95% of our crowd would not be singing the lyrics to recent R&B hits.
Melissa D says
Making sure there’s a chair in a quiet place for nursing mothers is good. A simple first aid kit and/or mending kit in the restrooms helps.
For my friend’s wedding, I packed several simple “picnic boxes” with a PBJ (apple jelly doesn’t stain), juice box, fruit, and I think vanilla wafers for the kids — nothing that could melt, stain or that needed refrigeration. You could also put a few crayons and a small notebook inside. (But don’t put the kids next to the cake table or cupcake tower.)
Designate a family member to watch over the gifts and envelopes! They do accumulate quickly and can be gone in a flash.
Dixie says
Just one note about the idea mentioned here and there about having a separate room for the children with activities and babysitters: some kids will enjoy that, but shyer kids may want to stay with their parents. Please make it clear that the kids are welcome at the main reception, too; the vibe should not be that you are providing childcare so that you can actually have an adults-only reception. This happened to me once when I was a child, and I still remember how miserable I felt being put in the kids’ room, and then how miserable I still felt after my mom caught on and brought me back to the main reception — to several glares.
Cristina says
I do think making children welcome definitely sets the tone for the reception–there’s just a more celebratory feel with a bunch of children running around. I understand that some couples want a more formal affair and want to be in complete control of everything–and children do bring the chaos–but then it seems just that, a formal affair, not really a family celebration. We’ve had to turn down wedding invitations in the past because the bride and groom had a zero child policy–not even nursing babies allowed! It really takes the fun out of a party to have to travel in to town, find a babysitter and attempt to stash your child somewhere close enough to the reception to pop over and feed them if/when they need it.
Mama Turtle says
Cristina,
We have had this problem as well. We had twenty kids running around at our wedding reception, and it was wonderful. Truly a family atmosphere, but there was enough space that they weren’t underfoot – they all ran off to play after a while. I have turned down TONS of wedding invites since then because I have had young nursing babies.
The no-nursing babies policy (to me!) feels like them telling me not to come. I don’t know if most of my cousins and friends haven’t been around many babies, but it is a true hardship to leave a baby for more than about two hours when they are very young. The baby doesn’t get a meal, so it shouldn’t be a money issue. And young babies generally sleep or nurse. If the baby fussed, I would just leave the ceremony or wedding and walk him or her around. A little baby wouldn’t ruin the ceremony or even take attention away from the bride or groom. I can’t help but think it’s indicative of an anti-life culture.
Mama Turtle says
Thank you for writing this! We had about twenty young children at our wedding, and I wouldn’t change a thing. Our reception was outside under a tent, which was great – the weather worked to our advantage – I gave the children a kickball and they were able to take advantage of the green space and run around. We also provided wedding coloring pages and crayons on the table as their “favor” along with some goldfish crackers and chex mix. I made sure when I did the seating arrangements that the tables that needed high chairs already had them. It can be so awkward to track down a server and ask for one at an event like that. We had a sit down dinner, and the kids received a kid plate of chicken tenders, veggies, apple juice or milk, and a fruit cup. Their parents were thrilled, and we saved a significant amount on the catering!
My children have only been invited to ONE wedding since then, and it really is hard when they’re not invited. We have missed several family weddings because I’ve been nursing a small baby and the small baby was explicitly not invited (Adults Only Reception was printed on the invite!), or the wedding was out of town and the kids weren’t invited. We couldn’t leave our children overnight since these were family weddings, there was no one to watch them. People like to blame expenses, but as far as costs go, the “kid menu” was really inexpensive, I think we paid six dollars a head, and you could do it for much cheaper if you needed to. It worth the little bit of extra money to have all of our friends and family be able to celebrate with us, particularly since many of them were traveling!
Anne-Marie says
Another family-friendly tip is to schedule the reception in the daytime, or at least to start in the daytime. Overtired kids either means cranky guests or guests who have to leave before the fun.
Kate says
Regarding dancing, if you can, I think it’s a good idea to place the dance floor off to the side, away from the tables. This was done at two family weddings this summer and it was great. Usually the dance floor is like a stage, with tables surrounding it, but some people don’t want to sit and watch others perform and would rather talk. The weddings I attended this summer were outdoors and the dance floor was located a good distance from the eating area. So you could actually sit somewhere quiet and talk to Great Aunt Zelda who you hadn’t seen in years. If guests wanted to watch dancing, they were welcome to bring chairs over to the edge of the dance floor. You still felt like you were part of the party, but not forced to do anything you didn’t feel comfortable with. Everyone can’t be on the dance floor at the same time anyway – it just gets way too crowded and dangerous; so there should be some place for the wallflowers or non-dancers to amuse themselves.
If you have an open bar or are serving alcohol, put a bartender in charge who is not afraid to say “No” and knows how to deal with difficult situations or persons. I’ve seen one reception almost end in tragedy and another end with a visit from the police because the bartender was handing out drinks to teenagers or handing out drinks without discretion. Not a happy memory.
The wedding receptions I’ve enjoyed the most have been where there were children present and I did not have to shout to talk to someone standing next to me once the dancing started. And it’s usually the more casual family-friendly and less fussy ones that I remember fondly.
Kristina says
Something that we’ve been experiencing more and more is the big break between wedding ceremony/Mass and reception (as in: Mass at 1, reception at 6). This makes for an awkward day for those NOT in the wedding party- what are you supposed to do in between? And for the wedding party- it usually turns into a time of photo taking at interesting local spots (good) and drinking (bad). I’ve been at a few wedding receptions
where the bridal party arrives SMASHED. It does not set a good tone.
I would love a post about how to be a good guest and how to be a good bridesmaid/groomsman. Many brides forget that the day is not all about them, but many attendants forget that the wedding isn’t about them either! They aren’t celebrities for a day!
Virginia says
My husband and I are pretty good dancers and (perhaps more importantly) have zero shame. So, several friends have asked us to be the crazy people to get dancing started at their weddings. Pretty fun role, if you ask me! You really only need a couple people dancing to get other people dancing and it helps if they’re not in the bridal party, I think, so that everyone else feels like they’re allowed to dance if they want.
Stephanie says
Oh Virginia, I love this comment! It is irresistible sometimes to see a handful of couples dancing and having a blast…so inviting
Amy says
We had a small wedding with family and a few close friends. Before the wedding, we asked everyone for the first dance song from their reception. We played these during our reception. It was really sweet watching the different couples and laughing at how the songs “dated” the couples. Almost everyone at the reception was dancing once we started playing these songs. We had several people tell us how they appreciated us including them.
Lorna says
Wow! This is a wonderful series! We have three daughters, so we expect there will be weddings in our future. Thank you so much for putting all your hard-won wisdom into such a convenient format. When you only get one shot at each wedding, it’s good to know about as many pitfalls as possible, so as to take steps to avoid them.
A few years ago, some family friends on my husband’s side celebrated their wedding on a holiday weekend, and specified “No Children” on the invitation. Who can find sitters for a holiday weekend? Apparently not many (including us). My parents-in-law said there were just 17 people at the wedding instead of the usual 150+. That’s just sad.
Stephanie says
Deirdre this was so fun to read and I love all the wedding photos (the tea dress! Oh my goodness, so beautiful!). Perhaps you touched on this in a previous post, but I am very fond of seating charts. I always want to know if people have SEATING charts. I think having guests sit with people/friends they may get along with helps with the natural flow of conversation, etc. I find that older generations may get flustered upon arriving at a reception hall only to find nowhere to sit. I think it is thoughtful of the bride and groom to take pains to at least have special seats for guests of honor (grands/great uncles etc).
I like what you wrote about bridesmaid dresses. My sister was so GOOD to me as a bridesmaid in her wedding…a nursing mama…I had straps added and the dress lengthened…my dress was different from the other ladies, but I LOOKED better because she know I needed to be comfortable.
Keep writing….more pictures too!
Erin says
I agree! We did not have a seating chart and that is my one regret. At the time it just seemed like too much of an effort to figure it out and we didn’t have any glaring issues of so and so shouldn’t sit with so and so. However, it left some guests in not an ideal situation and I felt bad.
Virginia says
I agree–I think seating charts take the pressure off of everyone. Especially for guests who might not know anyone else, it’s really nice for you to have seated them next to someone with a similar interest or background or sense of humor. And it’s helpful to make that connection for them when you make your rounds at the reception (or get your mother or mother-in-law or whoever is most socialite-ish to do that for you if you don’t think you’ll be able to get around to everyone).
Tacy Williams Beck says
To be honest, this series is really refreshing. I hope it will reach many! I was happy with my reception. It wasn’t perfect, but I don’t regret any of the special touches we splurged on! 😉 We had a local musician,James Ward, play solo. He does jazz and pop and Christian/hymns as well. He did a fabulous job! Honestly, I hate to say it, but when I hear “shake your stuff” type music at receptions I usually cringe.
Erin says
We had many children in our wedding party (all our godchildren!) and attending our wedding. I thought a morning wedding was a brilliant idea since we aren’t big dancers and we could keep the gap between wedding and reception to a minimum and not worry about kids past bedtime. Unfortunately, our parish would not allow a morning wedding. It was Friday evening or Saturday at 2pm and that was it. They held the mornings for potential funerals. We had a 2pm wedding and 4 pm reception and ended up with a dance as well. In the end, our guests had a marvelous time dancing, all those kids led the charge and got everyone, including us out on the dance floor.
Maria says
One thing our DJ did, which was really fun, was bring along a large set of hats, wigs, etc. Some of my favorite pictures from the dance include my sister in a blue Hairspray wig and my uncle (a priest) in a papal mitre. The beach balls were a bit more of a hazard, especially since a few of my husband’s cousin’s kids are on the wild side. But the hats were a blast!
Elizabeth says
One fun thing we did at our wedding, partially to keep kids entertained during the reception, was set up a scrapbook table instead of a guestbook. We told people about it beforehand, so some friends brought in favorite pictures and others just decorated pages with messages for us. It was fun to see everyone’s creations later, and the kids had stickers and art supplies to play with if they wanted to! We also had a morning wedding and lunchtime reception, which worked beautifully for us. And we’d been very involved in the local swing dance community, so a friend DJ’d for us and he and his now-wife did an impromptu lesson. Our guests seemed to enjoy it, and those who still chose not to dance enjoyed watching those who did dance, although most people did jump in for the lesson!
Elizabeth says
We were also super lucky and had our reception in a restaurant that was only open for dinner, so renting it for the afternoon was a steal. It was also already nicely decorated, with tables, chairs, plates, a couch/lounge area to one side, etc. so, nicely set up, and we didn’t have to do a thing! Our friend who DJ’d was also very attentive to what guests were doing, and thankfully, did not play blaring music so people could still carry on normal conversations. We’ve been to too many weddings where the music was so loud, guests were driven across the room and still had to shout to be heard! And we took pictures before our wedding (just us, we essentially had no bridal party) and brief family pictures after, so there was no gap between the ceremony and reception. The menu was buffet-style tapas, so guests could eat (or not) whenever they wanted as they arrived at the restaurant. And we started the dancing as soon as we got there so others could feel free to dance instead of having to wait interminably for things to get started.
cirelo says
I haven’t been to a wedding I really enjoyed in a long time. Sure, sure you can say I’m happy they’re happy, but at the same time as a guest its fun to go to a good party and to feel welcome! One wedding I went to where I didn’t know the bride and groom very well was awful. The whole wedding party which was leading the dancing left abruptly because the bossy photographer ordered them away to go shoot pictures for 45 minutes. It killed the dancing and we ended up leaving early because it wasn’t any fun.
Also, recently as our family has become bigger we take up a whole round table with just us and the kids, this has left us feeling really alienated at family events (like weddings) because you aren’t allowed to just let kids have fun by themselves anymore. I don’t really want to feel ostracized from the “grownups” just because I have a bunch of kids. How can families fit in better?
Anne-Marie says
That is a tricky issue from the hosts’ point of view. Some kids need to sit with their parents, others are more independent, but the hosts don’t necessarily know which are which. I think it would be fine to ask nicely to be accommodated if possible. Tell the bride or groom, whichever you know better, in advance that you’d love the chance to talk to other adults and that your kids would be happier with other kids. If for some reason they can’t seat you that way, you can always mingle in the course of the reception.