So last time when I talked about Order and Wonder, did you get a kind of anxiety attack, as if you thought I was saying that something like this
Don't be silly. 🙂
Order means first things first. So… yes, of course, stuff like making sure the kids are fed and keeping things neat and tidy.
{Long ago we had a next-door neighbor who would come over (he was about the age of my parents) and first thing neaten up all the reading material on my coffee table, which was a lot — magazines, mail, books, everything just thrown on there.
Since it wasn't like thisI thought it wasn't worth making look nice. (Not that I like that ugly thing.)
But he would make tidy stacks of all my stuff, and then sit down and chat with me. (He was a funny guy.)
You know what — it made my living room look instantly better!}
Anyway, I was going to tell you a very important step towards getting Order and Wonder for your home and family.
You are probably already doing this, but maybe you haven't quite realized how important it is and will be in the future for your life together.
If there were one thing I would tell a young family —
one thing I would tell a family that was having trouble —
one thing I would tell a family on the brink of splitting up —
one thing I would tell a family that was worried about the teens —
one practical thing I would tell any family —
Make Sundays a day of rest.
And only the mother can really make this happen, week in and week out. Only the mother can make it possible for the crazy activities to stop, for the family to worship together, and for the family to sit down together for a meal. The father can want all these things, and ask for them, but if the mother doesn't make the practical effort, they won't happen.
And if the mother isn't enjoying herself, no one is.
Anyway, we don't have a blog called Like Father, Like Son. We're talking to YOU.
So yes, it's another thing you have to do! But it's the best thing.
Even if Dad has to work a shift on Sunday, even if the kids have soccer, even if there is so much laundry that if you missed this day you would never be found again under a mountain of dirty clothes, do something to make the day — at some point– a real day of the Lord.
Now, some Sundays that might mean a real old-fashioned Sunday dinner after Church with plenty of relaxation in the form of reading the paper, visiting with extended family, and playing games.
Some Sundays it might mean an early Mass with the day spent burning brush and enjoying the sunshine after a long winter.
Not to mention any families that might have spent a recent Sunday this way, and enjoyed every moment of it! {Note our two-toned house? One side a year, baby 🙂 }
You might have roast beef; you might have leftovers. You might have friends over, you might be “just us.” It might be brunch, it might be a late supper.
But you all sit down together, light a candle or two, and take a deep breath. (You might sit down on a blanket after a hike and have a picnic!)
Correct your children's manners during the week, and try not to do too much correcting at the Sunday meal!
Try to enjoy.
You might spend the whole afternoon visiting Grandma at assisted living or helping neighbors build their porch.
I don't care what you do. I don't care if you don't have nice china. I don't care if this has to happen at 7 am or 8 pm to happen at all. I don't care if it's just an hour out of the whole day.
The point is to make this day a day different from the others. And if you prayerfully do this, however modestly and humbly (well, of course you should do it humbly, but you know what I mean, I hope!), you will see God's blessings showering on you and your family.
Things you have been anxious about will become peaceful. Together you will make calm decisions about things that have been troubling you.
I promise.
Songbirdtiff says
This is really great advise. I have only been doing this myself recently. I don't clean or really plan anything. I try to avoid big get togethers or anything that is going to keep me up late. I want to be in good working order on Monday morning. I think I could put more effort into resting on Sunday, so I'm going to try to do that. I figure, if we get used to it now, it will be easier when we have kids. Thanks!
Amy says
Leila, Such great advice again. I wish I could be your neighbor! I do believe if Momma ain't happy nobody is happy! I can tell the mood of the whole house goes bad if I am in a bad mood. I have not made the effort to make Sundays more of a rest day. I am going to start this. We usually go to Mass on Saturday night and try to catch up on things on Sunday. My husband can be out of town a lot on Sundays too so I figure if he isn't here than it doesn't count. But that's not really reality for every body else because we are still here. I am going to take your advice and try this for us!!
Kimberly says
Leila:Lovely and such an excellent reminder! We've been observing the "Sabbath Rest" for many years now! In our family, it really starts with Saturday. The children all make sure that all clothes and shoes are ready, so there's no stress before Mass on Sunday. Dinner varies from meals shared with friends, soup in the crockpot, or something more elaborate…the spirit of the meal is the most important aspect. We used to indulge ourselves in a little after Mass nap, but oftentimes find ourselves heading for a walk to the woods. No matter the activity, togetherness and some semblance of peace is precious!I just finished reading The Mother of the Little Flower and your assertions of God's blessings are bore out by this excerpt:*From Sr. Celine Martin:In this connection, I should like to draw attention particularly to the celebration of the feast which occurs each week: Sunday. My mother used to praise father for his strict observance of this holy day, attributing to it the prosperity of the family. *A letter from Zelie Martin: I have firm hope that this time of trial will not last. What gives me a confidence which nothing can diminish is especially the edifying manner with which you sanctify Sunday. All faithful observers of the Lord's Day, perfect or imperfect, are blessed in their enterprises; in the end, in one way or another they become rich."As mothers, we have a blessed duty to provide an atmosphere of rest on the Sabbath. Thank you for this lovely post!
MomE says
In trying to make it peaceful for everyone else…I seem to be overworking myself…hummm… Thanks for the good advice and a chance to evaluate me again.
Rachel says
I could not agree with you more!
Sara says
Thanks for the advice! We try, but sometimes I feel so resentful that I'm the one who has to do the cooking and pull it all together on my day of rest. Cuz isn't that what I do all week long?I have to work on that "humble" part! lol. I am much better now than I was a couple of years ago.
Pippajo says
How have you gotten inside my brain? I kid you not, I have been mulling over this since my "What Day of Rest?" post! It's really been bugging me! And here's what I've come up with. So far.I think you are right. And God was right (duh) and knew what he was doing (double duh) when he set aside a day of rest for himself as a model for us. If the Creator of all things needed a day to rest, what on earth makes me think I can get away without one?Too often I am running around on Sundays, grumpy and anxious, trying to prepare for the week ahead, resentful that I have to get up early again to go to church, get the kids corralled and into the car and wear uncomfortable clothing. It's all about ME! When it should be about me at all.So, next step toward accomplishing my goal of maintaining a peaceful, smoothly-running household is reserving Sundays. And all I need to do to make that happen. Such as not collapsing on Saturdays and making sure I get caught up on laundry and lunches THEN and waiting until Sunday to collapse.Once more, so very, very timely.
Erika says
For us,Sunday morning consists of getting ready for church, church, and the associated driving–we don't get home until noon or sometimes 12:30. Then it is a mad rush to get food into everyone quickly because they are STARVING. By the time I clean up from that we are into the afternoon. Which doesn't seem to last long because we must leave again for Bible study at 5:30. We arrive back home at about 8:30 and that's it–the day is gone! This was, needless to say, stressing me out in a major way. However, things have improved dramatically since I came up with my solution! No, we didn't quit church 😉 I just gave up! I admitted to myself I cannot get anything "done" on Sunday, I cannot even fix a big Sunday dinner, which I really enjoy doing. But here's the cool part: we now have Sunday dinner on Saturday. Because I know I'm not going to be doing any cleaning or laundry on Sunday it all has to get done Saturday, right? (I work outside the home.) However, a totally frantic Saturday consisting of all the housework and laundry and cooking a big dinner and baking some bread and stuff does not sound appealing. I would like to have time to do some other things. Actually thinking this through has given me the motivation to do a much better job of keeping up with things during the week, so I can have some time for fun on Saturday. If things aren't done I either have to do them Saturday or push them to Sunday, and Sunday is Impossible. Besides, I'm going to be pretty tired by Friday anyway, might as well have things under control at home! It has been so much better for me (and therefore my family) to just take myself off the hook for Sunday. I plan simple food, preferably something made ahead, and don't try to "do" anything. I enjoy my time at church, without my mind wandering to what I would be doing if I were at home. At home, I enjoy my family. And I'm starting to lose that desperate Sunday-night feeling of not being ready for the week. It was kind of a backwards way to return to the idea of the Sabbath, but it's working 🙂
Tracy says
A wonderful post, Leila! This is exactly what I have been trying to do each Sunday.
Decadent Housewife says
Oh, Leila, this is such a sore spot for me. I grew up with a true Sabbath rest and it was delightful. After marriage, I got derailed by marathon Sundays, church all day, always two services, only reading our Bibles and spiritual literature, the expectation to "Practise Hospitality" by having a houseful all day. One of the final straws was an elder who kept all his Sabbath guests seated on hard chairs in the kitchen – "because it's the Sabbath."There never was a moment's rest or freedom. It was awful. I woke my babies up from their naps to haul them off to church in the evening. I could always count on sick kids on Monday. No more madness – I threw out all the nonsense and kept Jesus. It is wonderful. Wished I'd said "no," sooner.
G.L.H. says
Amen!Amen!Amen!Amen!Amen!Leila, you are old enough, I'm sure, to remember when not much commerce was done on Sundays. One drugstore was open in our town, but only until noon, "in case someone needed an emergency prescription." Some restaurants were open, but only for "those who were unfortunate enough not to have families." (quotes were from my mother.) It wasn't so difficult then to have a Sabbath.My husband is a restaurant manager, so sometimes we have our "rest" on Saturday. I do try very hard to make Sundays "different", many times by not engaging in commerce m'self.Very timely. Very Good. Thank you once again!
Anne R Triolo says
What a lovely post. Thank you, Leila.I have been thinking about this a lot too, and I think having the same difficulty many of you have written about already. If we have to have a nice meal and clean dishes and clothes how do I get to rest too??My solution is that I have to do a little extra on Saturday. Make sure the dishes are alllll done and that I have all Sunday's meals carefully planned so that actual day of prep can be as pleasant and limited as possible. Don't you enjoy making a meal that is carefully planned out? and proudly serving it to a grateful husband?
Leila says
Thanks for all these sweet comments and good ideas.Remember, things don't have to be perfect, they just have to be peaceful. We could even mention to dear husband that we are working on this, feeling a little frazzled, and does he have any ideas on how to give dear wife a rest too?That has worked wonders for me 🙂
Deirdre says
Bridget & Will look so cute on the trampoline! The VA/DC contingent of the LMLD (Rosie, Suki, and Deirdre) often hear our beloved priest Fr. Scalia preach on how to observe the Sabbath.What he says is that sticking to Sunday as a holy day and a day of rest does require focus and prep during the rest of the week – which might entail some forethought and some sacrifice (taking time on Sat. to go shopping instead of leaving it for the next day; taking some of Thurs and Fri night to get work done, etc.). This is a good thing because rest on Sunday becomes the goal, and as we work from Mon through Sat to make time for that rest, not only Sunday, but the whole week gets oriented towards God and suddenly our priorities fall into place. So in a sense a well-observed Sabbath sanctifies the whole week. You made me think of that with your comment, Annie.
Linda says
Gosh, I wish I could say the same.. Cause although Sunday IS our day of worship, it's all BUT restful!Our church has 2 services, one at 11am and one at 5pm.. which means we only have about 3 hours in between to make and eat that sunday lunch.. and uhmm.. 'relax' (right.. *lol*)Greetings from the netherlands!
Jack and Gina Plain says
My parents always taught us to set aside the Lord's day to honor Him and rest. I'm trying to pass that principle along to my children. I loved what you said and linked your post to my FB. Thanks. http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001226564366
Jaime says
I have newly discovered your blog and am finding such comfort, hope and encouragement from it. You are the mentor I so desperately needed to inspire me to be a woman of God – a woman who is comfortable and proud as a momma at home – schooling children.Thank you.
Anonymous says
Thank you for this. I am a single Mom who needs this sort of advice more than ever. :)Just wanted to let you know that your search bar seems not to working.