As we begin preparations for beginning the process of thinking about concepts relating to someday commencing the highly anticipated Longest Kitchen Renovation Ever Don't Say I Didn't Warn You, let's talk about inspiration!
Farmhouse kitchen — “I don't think that word means what you think it means”!!
Much of my inspiration comes from Christopher Alexander, whose book A Pattern Language is an analysis of what many of us already intuit in our appreciation of the timelessness of certain forms of building, and indeed he has another book called A Timeless Way of Building on the same theme. (I will touch on some of his ideas, good and bad, below.)
My kitchen dreams also come from not being able to afford the usual package deal (new everything, ordering appliances, living up to latest trends — really so pricey! and in my case even more so due to where I live).
(I have come to see that going into a kitchen showroom is very much like going into a car showroom — with the same sales approach and the idea that you will be upgraded and led to spend a lot.)
That said, there are undeniably fantastic features offered there! Soft-close doors and drawers, tailored storage, a sense of solidity as you get into the more quality materials, and durability.
I can see having a little of it along with other aspects that I will discuss, that reach back to an older idea.
If you have a conventional kitchen, and who among us does not have some aspect of it (however old and decaying, in my case), do not feel judged. Don't think that I'm scorning it — I'm only trying to help myself along, and possibly those who have the opportunity to start or start over again and want a different approach. And if this less fitted way of building appeals, there are ways to bring in the elements of it with what you already have.
By nature I am of the use-up-wear-out-make-do variety of person you might meet. I rarely buy something at full price. That's why we just painted the kitchen and removed some cabinet doors and in general put in “found” furniture and shelving to make what I think has been a rather attractive, if rickety, situation here.
An older photo:
But even before reading that Alexander book, I encountered the idea of an “unfitted” kitchen from friends of mine who already understood that what they loved about a cottage kitchen is the “furnished” aspect of it rather than the sort of room given over to massive amounts of cabinetry featured in modern-day kitchens.
I pored over decorating books that most attract me, featuring old-world real homes, which I discuss here.
Photo by The Workshops of David T. Smith
The Rise of the Unfitted Kitchen
I would be happy in Carl Larsson's kitchen…
And I'm not in any way a person who gravitates towards wanting my stuff to be hidden behind a seamless cupboard-door situation. I prefer having things out and visible. So unfitted is really up my alley!
My Pinterest board for even more inspiration is here!
Let's take a quick look at a few things Alexander says about kitchens in A Pattern Language — and what I agree with and disagree with!
Pattern 139: Farmhouse Kitchen. “The isolated kitchen… is an efficient but unpleasant factory for food… ”
I think we all agree that the kitchen is one of the “common areas at the heart” of “informal contact between members” of the family (Pattern 129). In this way, contemporary kitchens have embraced this idea, almost to a fault. I don't agree with Alexander's simplistic “servants/women” identification, and he himself doesn't make the connection between the old-fashioned farmhouse kitchen (which he admires) and the obvious lack of formal servants that such a place would have had, nor the fact that its coziness would have been supplied by women. There is some silly quasi-feminism in his discussion in this Pattern. The woman of the house doesn't necessarily feel isolated, any more than anyone else doing their job.
But the main point is good, that there should be “family room” space in it, “a big table and chairs, some soft and some hard, with counters and stove and sink around the edge of the room; … a bright and comfortable room.” And that no one should feel marginalized in it.
I do love my kitchen fireplace and my rocking chair, which is hard but has a cushion…
(Don't miss last week's episode of removing those bricks on the left, though. Also my highlight on IG where I include a video demonstrating why.)
Pattern 147: Communal Eating. “Without communal eating, no human group can hold together.”
I think Alexander often doesn't think outside of his own circumstances. He definitely wants this communal eating to happen in the kitchen, always. However, I think the large family can benefit from a separate dining room; the mother who has spent a good deal of time in the kitchen during the day, not only preparing meals but probably homeschooling there or otherwise supervising homework, canning, and often doing long-term preparation of food, is relieved to serve dinner in another room, far from the mess and noise generated by a home-cooked meal, no matter how efficient she is in her work.
That said, this pattern, along with the previous one, sheds some light on the deeply entrenched trend to leave no room for a big kitchen table, instead replacing it with an island, often of giant proportions.
Every builder wants to put stools at an over-sized bar. Even shows that are all about preserving the “home-town” feel immediately inflict an outsized island on the tiniest space. But that way of eating doesn't serve family and communal needs the way a kitchen table does. While a dining room is nice for those times I was mentioning above (like holiday or Sunday meals when it's reasonable to be separate from the kitchen and its inevitable mess), for the most part, the family will eat in the kitchen if given half a chance. We don't actually benefit in that larger, more spiritual community and family aspect, from having everyone lined up on stools all the time.
In my kitchen, a larger island than the one I have (which I love for its practicality in the working side of things) would also elbow its way in front of the fireplace, obliterating the enjoyment of it; I'd have to get rid of my rocking chair, not to mention my kitchen table and chairs, and then the charm of my kitchen would vanish. It would be awkward and actually uncomfortably hot for a stool-sitter when the fire is going — something a builder might not take into consideration.
Pattern 159: Light on Two Sides of Every Room. “When they have a choice, people will always gravitate to those rooms which have light on two sides, and leave the rooms which are lit only from one side unused and empty.”
I have this pattern, with the door to the deck on the west side (with a window next to it actually) and a window over my sink on the east.
However, the window there is not big enough. It looks silly on the outside; my house is so big and has so many windows, and then this one is just stuck there looking forlorn and scrawny.
In spring and fall there is no direct sun coming in at all.
So one priority has been enlarging this window over my sink (and making it prettier with good trim to match the rest– previous owners replaced all the windows, a move which has its pros and cons, but we can do better here over the sink). My architect friend thinks it probably was larger anyway, back in the day, and was made smaller to allow for more cabinetry; I would far prefer to give up several cabinets for a bigger window!
Working on it.
I will discuss more patterns in another post. Each one is so fascinating!
Go to the Farmhouse Vernacular IG/YouTube, where I've been following her Victorian/unfitted kitchen posts. Here is a realistic and doable renovation, not glamorous but very workable and pretty, that includes a thrifted Aga (that part may not be doable for everyone!)!
Some notes:
One thing I like to keep in mind when I see people's designs is whether or not they have lots of kids. Not every idea works for large families, which is the main issue I often have with some of Alexander's patterns: some work, some don't. There is a big difference between canning a bunch of your harvest and then scrambling up some eggs for you and your husband, vs. having to serve up a big supper for hungry teenagers and toddlers. Not everyone gets that distinction! Auntie Leila does!
Another important principle is to try, when possible, to make or keep things real. I go back to that film about the Carmelite convent where the Mother says, “If it looks like a stone wall, it should be made of stone.” Sometimes you have to work with what you have, like my windows with their fake lites/window panes. I won't be changing those… but if you have a choice, go with real, even if it means restoring windows rather than replacing them.
There are some IG influencers who have part of the unfitted kitchen/French farmhouse/English cottage idea, but are also making things to appear a certain way on their videos, which can veer into almost “stage prop” territory. Some of their choices may not be comfortable to live with or see up close.
It's good to work with what you have, vs. trying to add a “look” that isn't integral, especially if that look involves mortaring rocks to your walls, creating brick walls where none exist, and so on! It's just not worth the incredible amount of work it takes to do such things! Sometimes their choices are made because it will look good while filming, but may not be practical, like an all-white kitchen which shows up better in pictures. But what if I like color? (Which I do!) Just have awareness of these concerns when you are looking at inspiration photos!
I have to stop now… but we'll return to this discussion!
Special request from a new mom: Does anyone have experience transitioning a baby from breastfeeding with a silicone nipple shield to being able to do without? Her baby refuses to latch on without it. Thoughts on this issue? Thanks!
bits & pieces
- My husband presented a lecture about the Battle of Lepanto and then recited the poem by G. K. Chesterton from memory! This event took place in the amazing relic room at the St. Benedict Abbey in Still River, and was recorded here. This was his first time ever doing this — he looks forward to trying again next year!
- For a long time, I thought that the new rite of the Roman Catholic Mass had added more Scripture, and that this was a self-evidently good development. As I learn more about the old rite, however, I find that there's more to it than that. This article by Peter Kwasniewski is an involved Foreword for a rather technical book on the subject, but it's a deep dive into the subject.
- Since the word (and idea) merry was so important to one of my favorite saints, Thomas More, I enjoyed this mirthful article by Tony Esolen on its derivation and import.
- I have often mentioned our dear friend Fr. Paul Mankowski, SJ, may his memory be eternal, here on the blog. He wasn't for the genteel or faint-hearted, though he could express himself in the most elegant ways when he had a mind to; more often, and especially with friends, his wit was unexpected and upending. Much of his sharp commentary appeared pseudonymously (because he had been silenced by his order) on my husband's site, and the best of it is collected in a book edited by Phil: Diogenes Unveiled. You can read a review by Jeff Mirus here.
from the archives
- As the decadence of culture presses closer in on the sanctuary of our homes (invading it via even close family members and the necessary interactions of the workplace), I get more letters from wives unsure of how to handle things and grieved when their husbands are not aware or willing to take steps. Please re-read this post: Husbands and How to Understand Them — and keep in mind that in it, I am trying to approach these very serious divisions that threaten the family, not ordinary disagreements that people have always faced. I believe that dividing husband and wife is the real purpose behind these attacks, and that we must not let it happen.
- Pantry management is in our feeds these days. I have a podcast about a rational approach, and do keep in mind that it's not a good idea, as a general rule, to get stocked up and then rely only on what you have: Start-up costs: Why it’s not a good idea to use up ALL you have before you buy more.
liturgical living
follow us everywhere!
My book, The Summa Domestica: Order and Wonder in Family Life is available now from Sophia Press! All the thoughts from this blog collected into three volumes, beautifully presented with illustrations from Deirdre, an index in each volume, and ribbons!
My “random thoughts no pictures” blog, Happy Despite Them — receive it by email if you like, or bookmark, so you don’t miss a thing!
My new podcast can be found on the Restoration of Christian Culture website (and you can find it where you listen to such things) — be sure to check out the other offerings there!
Stay abreast of the posts here at LMLD, when they happen:
Consider subscribing to this blog by email. In the current situation, if we can’t meet here, it would be good for us to be connected by email!
We share pretty pictures: Auntie Leila’s Instagram, Rosie’s Instagram, Deirdre’s Instagram. Bridget’s Instagram.
Auntie Leila’s Facebook (you can just follow)
The boards of the others: Rosie’s Pinterest. Sukie’s Pinterest. Deirdre’s Pinterest. Habou’s Pinterest (you can still get a lot of inspiration here! and say a prayer for her!). Bridget’s Pinterest.
Celeste says
Regarding the Summa Domestica, I have had it on order from Sophia since the end of August & am recently told it is still on backorder. I hope difficulties are soon resolved.
Leila says
Oh, sorry about this.
I have tried to convey to people that the first printing of the book is sold out at Sophia, but it is available on Amazon.
The paperback version will very soon be available, and the new printing of the hard cover version will be out in November, I’m told.
Blayne says
Re the nipple shield:
I used a shield with my first child for the first three months. Fortunately, this did not impact my milk supply, and she did well gaining weight. Etc.
Once I was ready to wean her from the shield, the best success I had to was to basically set aside a whole weekend to just sit on the couch—and work on latching.
Let baby nurse for a few minutes so he’s not too hungry, take away the shield and attempt the latch. If it doesn’t work, put baby back on with the shield, and try again at the next feeding. Take away the shield earlier and earlier in subsequent feedings until you’re ready to go shield free.
I think the key here is to avoid being interrupted by needing to get up and go somewhere. Additionally you’ll want to be home so that you’re not unnecessarily fussing with a blanket or cover, or your shirt—you can just be comfortable, and not worry about exposure. Make it a movie marathon weekend, or something.
Blayne says
I meant to also say something to the effect of: a baby breastfeeding on a nipple shield is better than not breastfeeding at all. If you’re baby is happy and growing, (you’re not happy milk supply issues) then I personally don’t think using a shield is a negative thing. If you flat nipples (often the case for women who need a shield) then a baby who is a little older will latch better given some time. You can certainly look into tongue/ lip tie issues—I’m sure you already have. The tongue lip tie correction is kind of new. They certainly weren’t offering that in a common way 12 years old. All of my babies have had a “lip tie” and we were able to *eventually* nurse, with no surgical corrections. Just lots of patience. Good for you for sticking this out!
Helen Hawersaat says
Oh, coming back to add that my baby also had a lip tie, and we were able to eventually nurse just fine without fixing it.
Alea says
Good advice. I dealt with this once, but that kiddo is now 20! I know we stopped using it, but the details are fuzzy!
Helen Hawersaat says
This is basically what I did too. And some skin to skin time helped too! It worked for my preemie who had latching difficulties.
Belle says
Hi! Seconding this! I used a nipple shield with #1 because of having an inverted nipple. Weaning from the nipple wasn’t really intentional, it was a combination of the baby pulling it off and throwing it and me being too tired at 2am to pick it up and clean it while the baby yelled at me for milk. Instead I put up with the (mild) discomfort for a while of pulling the nipple out and tried latching the baby in different holds. Eventually we figured out. That said, nipple shields are a great invention!
a.d. says
Yes, yes, i agree, the cabinets are certainly not as pretty as the open shelving concept- whether you call it cottage or whatever.
But i am, and will always be, a person who wants cabinets from floor to ceiling.
The dust that accumulates in a kitchen is always of a greasy, doesn’t wipe off easily type. I currently have a shelf above the cabinets, for my row of pretty canning jars full of beans, pastas, rice, etc. And while it looks beautiful, if i were a good housekeeper it would need dusted every week. As it is, when i pull a jar down to use, i wipe it thoroughly, and put it back up there. So, once a month at best a jar gets dusted.
We are building a new house, ourselves, and all cabinets in the kitchen will be of the simplest design (no cracks or routing for nasty greasy dust to settle in), painted to be easier to wipe, and go all the way to the ceiling. For an appliance garage on the countertop, we are planning on building our own roll top type of thing to roll it down over the mixer, food processor, etc.
The people in the showrooms- of any type, whether it’s carpet, tile, or kitchen sinks, or cars- will never actually know how to clean any of their products. You will have to google this, and keep in mind to never use a harsh scrubbie on the new enamelware sink- and then, try to instill that rule into everyone else in the house who might do dishes or clean the sink at any point in time. I love the simplicity and beauty of stainless steel sinks i can scrub with any kind of cleaner and have to really work at it to harm it.
I highly encourage anyone looking at new countertops or sinks or anything to look up how to clean something before purchasing- cuz the sales people don’t know, and will act like it’s no big deal, when in fact, that granite countertop can be hurt more easily than you think.
Frances says
a kindred spirit for Team Cabinets! The thought of trading cabinets for open shelving gives me such anxiety. The bases mean that dirt and pet hair is not lurking somewhere far away from my broom and the doors help so much with dust and grease. (But maybe I am just not in a season of life for when *additional* cleaning sounds remotely possible, ha.)
Also, if one is making do with chippy mismatched dishes and reused food containers and such, cabinet doors quickly and neatly hide all those very ugly, very necessary items.
Anon7 says
Oh, yes, a.d. and Frances–cabinets, it is!!! 🙂 I am blessed to have a modern-ish kitchen–that has a large window over my kitchen sink. Although there are things I might change–and I’ll be watching Auntie Leila’s remodel for ideas–I simply adore my little kitchen for now–and can gaze at the distant mountains while I wash dishes, watch the kids play in the yard while we cook, make tea & coffee and just live.
lisainmaine says
This is the litmus test for all my house purchases. How easy will this be to clean? Will this hide dirt? Can this be destroyed easily? How it looks is just a bonus.
Belle says
The open shelving reminds me of Adam Savage’s “First Order Retrival Rule” for his workshop. He strives to keep all of his tools only one step to get out. ( ie. no moving and replacing other things to get to them). That said my climbing curious toddler makes me thankful for our kitchen cabinet doors that latch. 🙂
Emily says
Oh my goodness. The greasy dust- you are spot on! We have some space on top of our cabinets to store all kinds of things, and I cringe every time I have to get anything down. Plus a whole extra step of cleaning said thing to use it.
Aunt Sue says
Christopher Alexander has a beautiful little book called the Lintz Cafe. My Architect husband showed me this book when we first got engaged.
Laura says
Regarding the nipple shield — I always use one for at least a week after the baby is born, to alleviate some of the pain. But then the time does come when you have to stop. It can be hard. As others said, it often works to start the feeding with the shield in place, and then remove it if you get a chance (baby comes unlatched by mistake, switching sides) sometime before he is full, but after he is done being frantic. The mother may have to hold her breast very firmly to make it protrude enough for the baby. Not to be weird, but it has to stick out more (as it does with the shield) so he can latch. But maybe your reader has tried this without success. I’ll pray for her. It can be really difficult for a while. I also think I have sometimes just kept using it until the baby himself didn’t like it, which didn’t take as long as I feared.
Elizabeth N says
I love the discussion about kitchen storage, lighting etc that considers both beauty and functionality. Our “new-to-us” kitchen and home has a variety of storage issues and other things like that (still better than not having a house, which was a real possibility in the recent, terrible housing market), and I’m trying to sort of how to store food and large pots, and generally make more pantry space in a home that doesn’t offer many options other than buying furniture/ free standing cabinets. I also have to mention that reading Summa Domestica as we have moved and unpacked has been such a help to me. It has taken me back, in some ways, to when my oldest two kids were little and I would start many days reading your blog (and the daily Mass readings!). I needed that boost so badly as a new mom who lacked confidence in pretty much all things related to motherhood and most general domestic skills, too. As we settle into a new phase of life in a new state, in a new home, and while getting ready for a new baby, it is really a joy to revisit old ideas and read new ones, to have your voice of reason in my head, and to receive it all from a totally different place in my life. You’re really a huge blessing Leila. Thank you.
Dixie says
Do you have a spot away from your kitchen that you use as a second pantry? My kitchen life changed when I gave up one of our closets to make a “downstairs pantry” (our kitchen is upstairs). I keep only frequently used pots, appliances, and food in the kitchen itself. Other things — all the back-up food, the canner, the cake plates, etc. goes downstairs. I finally feel like I have space in my cabinets and things aren’t always threatening to fall down on me when I pull something else out.
Athena says
I did the same, my downstairs pantry are two freestanding shelves in the laundry room, am so happy with it.
Caitlin says
I feel a lot of sympathy for the mama having trouble getting her baby to latch! Has she tried reverse pressure— put her fingers like a “v” over her nipple with firm pressure to make it extend. Begin to latch by stroking baby’s nose with her nipple, then pushing the breast in and up when baby opens his mouth. Sometimes you have to hold/push the baby on a little more firmly than you think! Also lie in a warm bath with the baby for a good long time, just cuddling and nursing. It might actually help for mom (not baby, of course) to get her upper body a little bit cold 😉
I used a shield for a few weeks (6? Felt like forever!) with my very first baby, probably because I was pressured to introduce it too soon and not helped enough to nurse at the moment of delivery. But, he still got breast milk. I’m glad for that but I did feel like I couldn’t go anywhere, even for a walk… no breezy indiscreet public nursing when you have to use both hands to attach the thing to your bare breast 🙁 It filled up, backed up and gushed milk all over me every time I nursed. And the baby was very fussy, and VERY stubborn… he was instantly used to the feel of that long, hard plastic nipple and simply reused to latch to my skin, no matter how many tricks or positions I tried.
However! There did come a day, around 6 weeks, when he got the hang of it— and that was that. One good latch and he formed a new habit, and we nursed shield-free for three years. He just needed to realize that the nipple (mine) gave him milk just as much as the silicone one.
I am praying for the mama and would encourage her to hang in there.
Caitlin says
(That should be “discreet,” not “indiscreet”!) 😂
Kathryn Beirne says
I’m following the kitchen renovation posts very carefully, in order to get ideas for ours. Not that we’ll be redoing ours anytime soon, but it does seem to take me so long to line those sorts of things up in my head and make sense of them. Our kitchen/dining area is huuuuuge, it really is more of a kitchen/dining/living room. That was one of the biggest attractions of this house, when we bought it last year, actually.
RE nipple shields….I used one with my 3rd, and never was able to latch him without it. But my 4th did get over it. We used one for about a month, and then I spent probably 2 weeks offering the bare breast before, during, and after every nursing session and he eventually settled down and stopped demanding the shield. He (and all my kids) were born with pretty severe tongue & lip ties. It seemed to me the shield made it easier for us when he was tiny, but once he hit a certain size he was able to get his mouth around everything to make work the way it needed to.
Sarah says
Agreed about the baby growing out of the need for the shield once his mouth is a certain size! I found this to be true with all of my four who needed shields until two or three months old.
Molly says
Dear new mom,
Patience is the key to getting that sweet baby off the shield, I think. I’m sure you are already patient as you are troubleshooting breastfeeding challenges! Try not to get frustrated and keep practicing without “the shield” (or 🛡 as I often referred to it) when you have the energy to try it. I found distracting baby by standing up and gently swaying and walking around worked. It took a few days. Even once we got it figured out during the day, I kept it nearby and clean for nighttime use if needed. I used the shield with my first baby for maybe 2 weeks as a newborn and then with my 3rd baby from age 6 weeks to 8? months. I thought I had missed a developmental window and we would never stop using it, but after some initial refusal, she got used to it and we are still going strong at a year old! Prayers for you. You are doing a great job!
Molly
thelivingtether says
I just finished canning jam and now have to go make a huge meal so I can’t go into my full overanalyzed philosophy on the subject BUT I did want to say I’m with you on the unfitted kitchen. We moved into a 1716(!) house with exactly zero interior so I was able to design the kitchen myself. I hate cabinets and drawers because you have to clean them out and organize them all the time and the linear surface area – only one usable edge, six feet long and two feet deep, how is that useful? – just drove me spare. I couldn’t do without cabinetry entirely since there’s no pantry, but we settled for two built in stepbacks flanking the fireplace for storage and minor work (my mixer sits there), and I do most of my more sprawly work on a central table. An added bonus is three freestanding laundry sinks in place of the usual kitchen sink, a low refrigerator to use as an additional worktop, and a freestanding antique two oven six burner gas range. We’re still working on the best workflow and aesthetics and I haven’t given up my dream of a rocking chair in here (at the moment it would just be underfoot), but we’ve got the idea. I’m looking forward to seeing your progress (and maybe getting a few new ideas!).
Mrs. Bee says
This is a very, very interesting post! The kitchen is a very tricky space, some of it would be better closed off, some of it can be a wonderful space to be lived throughout the day – these are aspects that can hardly be reconciled.
A closed kitchen means that smells can be contained, and that would rank high in my wish list, as cooking all too often produces lingering smells I dislike. To be fair, it’s not just the fault of the open kitchen: air ducts generously spread kitchen smells in every single room, no matter how far from the kitchen. Quite often, after cleaning the kitchen perfectly so no odors are left, I go to my bedroom only to discover dinner smells have taken up residence there. I resort to opening windows, but it’s quite inconvenient in the winter, and in the summer it is a joke, where I live the air is so thick with humidity you could slice it with a knife.
But a big, homey kitchen, with a fireplace or a stove, multiple full size windows (not just the usual tiny one above the sink – mine is the sash kind and is so hard to open!), a window seat as a cozy corner for breakfast, tea, a coffee break, some schoolwork, a mother-child chat… This would be wonderful – but I’d still want walls and a door (or two), maybe a big double French door, so the glass panes keep the kitchen integrated with the rest of the house.
Cabinets or no cabinets? I agree with the reader who pointed out the problem of greasy dust. Open cabinets can be very beautiful – the blue floor-to-ceiling in the picture above is stunning, but I can’t help feeling defeated by the idea that everything will soon be covered in sticky dust. Also, it can be a bit visually overwhelming – a little goes a long way. Yes, one can find spare cabinet-ed kitchens that look more like labs, so the virtue is in the middle! And I agree that the cabinets should go to the ceiling (unless we’re talking about extremely tall ceilings!), so that cleaning problem is eliminated and seasonal things or extra supplies can find their perfect home there.
One thing I love of modern kitchens is the idea of storing many things in drawers, including pots and lids (lids are so tricky to manage!) This solves the problem of the deep cabinets under the counter, where things can be very hard to reach. I have also seen vertical pull-out inserts as a pantry storage idea, and that’s also clever, if you don’t have any other option but to store everything in the kitchen.
Finally, I agree with your dislike of islands as an eating option – so uncomfortable and so weird, as if the family was the same as the collection of strangers sharing a bar counter! I simply cannot imagine myself lining up everyone and have a meal like that.
Mrs. Bee says
I just remembered my mother says her dream has always been to have a kitchen fitted with antique pharmacy display cabinets. In Italy there are still a few stunning old pharmacies attached to (former) convents, where monks prepared medicines with herbs from their gardens. Santa Maria Novella in Florence is a particularly sumptuous example, there are others less rich but equally beautiful.
liz says
The thing that worked to get my son off the nipple shield (it was not a silicon one) back in the day was actually laid back breastfeeding. It literally was almost accidental. I just happened to get into the right position and he finally latched. This was long before anyone was talking about biological nurturing, and I don’t think I ever even recommended it to anyone else until after reading the Biological Nurturing book years later. But after recommending it to several moms with problems with latch, I’ve become a believer that it’s certainly worth a try. My son did learn to latch in other positions after that, but it certainly did the trick initially when the cradle hold had been a total defeat. I do think it’s important to start off when the baby isn’t frantically hungry. If you try it when they first start showing feeding cues (like hand to mouth), they will probably be more receptive than if you wait until they cry.
Dixie says
Laid-back breastfeeding is so wonderful once you and baby get the knack of it! So much more restful. I will say that it’s easier with some shapes of breasts than others, but it’s a wonderful thing.
Mary Ann Bernard CPA says
We live in a rented townhouse so our kitchen options are limited but I’ve managed to keep two freestanding pieces, one repurposed, that add character and storage to our kitchen and half bath. Years ago one of my husband’s customers gave him a child-sized chifforobe made by the Thomas Edison furniture company. It was in our sons’ bedroom all through their childhoods. We moved two years ago and my now grown son didn’t want it in his teen bedroom. My husband wanted to sell it but I declared it would go in the kitchen and become a pantry. It fit perfectly and works! The other is an old metal combination medicine cabinet and linen hamper that has a red medical cross painted on the door. We got it free cleaning out an old school building that our parish got stuck with in one of the many mergers. It fits nicely in the half bath, which has no medicine cabinet built in. The bottom is where I store my reusable microfiber cleaning cloths. So even though you might rent, you can still add unfitted touches.
Sarah says
About the shields, I used sugar water with my fourth and plan to do so with my fifth when he’s born. My first four children all ended needing a shield, encouraged by a really lovely lactation consultant. It was just because of my shape. We tried for a week without it for the first three, had trouble gaining sufficiently, then gave in. With my fourth, the first night after delivery, I happened to remember a bit from Elizabeth Borton de Trevino’s lovely book My Heart Lies South where Mexican women used a cloth soaked with sugar water to teach a baby to suck during its first couple of days. I ran for the sugar as fast as my postpartum body would go! I made a weak sugary liquid, dabbed a bit on the shield, and got the kid’s first decent – and enthusiastic- latch. The truck worked just as well when I needed to teach him to latch just to my skin. Also on pacifiers. It only took one time with sugar water for him to get the point, and it really wasn’t too concentrated.
All of my children dropped the shield at three months if not before. Before I tried the sugar water, we just tried to relax and take our time and make sure there was a little milk on my skin expressed so that he’d get the point. Also making sure he wasn’t angry with hunger before trying to learn the new skill helped too. The sugar water sure worked faster though, and he figured it out at about two months.
If you’re curious, here’s the quote:
“The chupon is in Mexico an old and approved custom. It is popped into the little face shortly after the baby arrives. He learns to suck, and spares the mother much trouble when put to the breast, as he has learned the muscular action needed. My son fought and screamed and struggled, and I got nervous and cried, and then my milk wouldn’t come down, and they would carry him away raging with hunger. Other Mamas gave their babies pacifiers between feedings, the baby sucked and there was a little blessed peace and silence, and next time he was brought, there was probably milk for him.” From Elizabeth Trevino Boston’s My Heart Lies South.
And I’m really enjoying these kitchen discussions and pictures!
Amy A. says
I used a nipple shield with my third (she had a tongue tie that was later resolved but I could tell from the first latch that something was . . . different . . . and by the end of her first week I *ahem* NEEDED that shield) and I know we did laid-back breastfeeding to teach her a better, deeper latch. I also remember giving her the breast with no shield when we switched sides fairly early on, just for fear of her getting TOO of her attached to the shield. I do agree with the mama that says nursing with a shield is still nursing and it may actually be easier to drop when the baby is older and has a bit more trust in the process of nursing. I think everyone else has given good advice (the bit about the sugar water is clever!) and I would just say that it will probably take practice and patience but that mama and baby will find their way! I am praying for them!
Addy says
I had to use a shield with all of my babies. It was frustrating. The lactation consultants and I tried all sorts of things to get the babies to latch without it, including pumping for a minute right before getting baby to latch, side by side nursing, hard shields in your bra to wear between feedings, different positions, sugar water, dream feeding, etc. The babies, however, had other ideas. I’d read the shield could decrease supply, but did not find that to be true. Keep in mind the size of the shield can cause problems. If the shield is too small, not enough milk can transfer efficiently. Mine had to be ordered online because the hospital didn’t have the right size. Using the wrong size can cause problems with supply and transferring milk. It can also be painful!
If by chance dropping the shield doesn’t go well, just please know that it is completely possible to nurse with one for the whole time (my record was seventeen months). Annoying, but possible 🙂
Ellen says
The link to the article about mandates goes to an Instagram pic of a religious item. I’d love to read the intended article and am glad you attempted to share it, so please fix it if you have a chance. Thanks!
Leila says
Oh, thanks for catching that! One of these days there is going to be a random link to something scandalous (just because I read a lot of things and sometimes send them with outrage and then they are on my clipboard!!)!
And one of these days I am just going to clean forget what it was I was trying to link to!
I fixed it!
Amelia says
In our last house, we low-budget remodeled the horrible 1980s kitchen by gradually gutting most of it and going unfitted. We added one lower cabinet to mount the new sink on and installed some countertop (nothing built in underneath, unless the dishwasher counts). Two very different freestanding, counter-height cupboards went in other places. Lots and lots of open shelves (at carefully selected intervals – I kept my stand mixer on one level, half-pint jars on another, etc.) transformed the efficiency of the space by letting me fit much more stuff, letting much more light stream around, freeing me from dealing with cabinet doors, and making everything feel bigger and airier. Keeping unsightly but necessary things in the narrow pantry and arranging things pleasingly on the shelves was much easier than I had worried, as a clutter-phobe, and now I miss seeing nice things out. It’s true that greasy dust gradually builds up (mostly in unseen areas in my space) and I do think cabinets to the ceiling make sense for some people and kitchens, but after one year in my new house with upper cabinets that end a foot below the ceiling (why?!), I look forward to ripping them out one day. I adore an unfitted kitchen, open shelves or not, for its budget-friendly flexibility in use and over time: you can replace one element that gets too run down without having to redo gobs of continuous, matchy stuff. It’s more like – or literally is – rearranging, modifying, or replacing pieces of furniture.
I look forward to more of your valuable thoughts as I ponder my current, ostensibly last kitchen, especially because of the large family angle! Between having four kids and hoping for more and lots of scratch cooking and baking, the kitchen seems like it has to have almost more in common with a small commercial one than the typical American one for 2.5 people eating lots more processed foods. Going back over your fundamentals of feeding a family every once in a while on your blog, and now in the books, has been very helpful in getting me to think through my situation as it changes.
Leila says
I would love to see pictures 🙂
This is my main issue with most kitchen design advice: most people really have no idea what’s involved in feeding a lot of people every day! They think they know… but they don’t haha…
If you have to provide a substantial amount of food every day on a regular basis *plus* have frequent “extra” uses of the kitchen (sudden large batches of cookies, big canning days, extra meals for those in need, small or visiting people wanting to make their things around you, and so on), you need more counter space and storage room than the experts (self-proclaimed or otherwise) think. But you also need it to be efficient, lest you expire from exhaustion.
You don’t need a huge kitchen, but you do need it to work for you. Having lots of cabinets isn’t necessarily the answer, nor is taking everything out. These are the questions we will ponder!
Amelia says
Another thing “they” don’t seem to mention is how we are to keep our families fed during remodeling. I literally could not eat out, ever, anywhere, due to severe food intolerances, but it would have been prohibitively expensive after a few meals anyway. Doing things piecemeal, the biggest disruption we had was replacing the sink, and I think that was only 24 hours without one.
I don’t really use Instagram anymore but I have pictures conveniently sitting there. One can poke around and find in-progress photos as well. Sorry to practically write a blog in your comments, LOL. I know I benefited tremendously from others’ ideas and look forward to doing so again.
Before:
https://www.instagram.com/p/BTB0A_6Abv7/
This was our first house and a great kitchen to remodel because 1) we could afford it and 2) it was so…wrong…that everything we changed kept making it better and better. Very affirming!
This is actually after we’d moved the refrigerator. It was originally all the way to the left, inches from the side door! You couldn’t open the left fridge door properly because it would hit the wall, and it very effectively blocked light from the side door.
Mostly after, showing most of it:
https://www.instagram.com/p/BtwMBWynZrm/
Notably absent are pots and pans. See the little yellow corner in the left of the first picture? It’s a sideboard with a shelf above. Pans hang from hooks under the shelf or sit atop it.
Batch cooking like a small commercial kitchen:
https://www.instagram.com/p/CCb1kFKjvDu/
Canning:
https://www.instagram.com/p/CCEexK4DE1-/
Note the wooden box of canning supplies in the left of the second picture. You can see in an “after” picture that it fits on the topmost open shelf.
So, an open shelf tip: nice boxes for logical groups of little things. It’s easier than a pile in a cabinet, anyway, only good luck fitting boxes in cabinets. If they do fit, they are usually wasting tons of space. After the thousands of dollars we saved not getting new cabinets, the shocking amount of space we gained was such a game-changer. I especially noticed how limiting cabinet depth is, because something can stick out a teensy bit on a shelf and be fine, but it has to be significantly shallower to fit inside a cabinet and allow the door to close completely.
Something I leaned into for this particular kitchen was effectively gaining counter space by not storing stuff on the counter. This was planned in advance: the toaster oven or microwave shelf is extra deep to allow adequate clearance for vents, and the heights between shelves were thought through carefully. There just wasn’t a way to add more countertops without putting the fridge in a bad place (Leila’s recent post talking about fridge problems is 100% true! I looked into getting a smaller fridge, but no, far too expensive, and giant fridges are just too useful for me to give up) or adding a peninsula where there isn’t proper room for it. Note that the furniture to the left of the stove is actually a moveable island – it has a drop leaf in the back, too, for a few more square feet of counter – and it could be brought out. But usually it got left there.
One thing I‘m not sure I would do again is the sink. I loved it, but I dropped enameled cast iron in it once, and frankly, we were lucky the cracks were only cosmetic. It was really great not having the strip of counter behind the sink that exists in order to be annoying and I definitely want a full-depth sink or integrated backsplash next time. Having one larger sink rather than a divided sink was better for me, too, so I could wash extra large sheet pans and such. We ended up getting a dish drying rack that hung over the sink so we didn’t have a rack taking up counter space.
Again, as far as messes go, I’m not the kind of person who really even thinks about dust I can’t see. The lower shelves would get cleared off and wiped down every few months (one shelf at a time, not all in one day). They held frequently used items that didn’t usually get dusty. It’s true that when we moved out, the upper shelves had to be wiped down twice to get them clean. Worth it to me, but one size doesn’t fit all.
Elizabeth says
Wow! I love your before and after. I’m starting a home in a small kitchen (but very open floor plan) and trying to figure out how to maximize counter space. We have limited cabinets, but there is some empty wall space that I think we’ll have to add open shelving to! Yours is so light and bright. And that moveable island is genius!
Leila says
Oh, wonderful! Thanks for sharing your pictures!
Athena says
Amazing transformation, thank you for sharing such good ideas.
Amy A. says
This conversation is so interesting to me because I look at “farmhouse” style kitchens with open shelving and think, “No no no! I do NOT want every plate and pitcher and glass visible to everyone! I don’t want to have to think about if my coffee mugs look nice together and are aesthetically arranged! The greasy kitchen dust will coat everything! Cabinets to the ceiling!!!” It’s good to hear Amelia’s thoughts about how the dust wasn’t as bad as she thought and how flexible and budget-friendly open shelves are, which I definitely believe, much more than cabinets. I still don’t think I’ll convert to open shelving, but where it might work best is certainly something to consider . . .
a.d. says
What is the stove heating with?
Propane = MUCH greasy dust
Electric = not so bad.
Yes, i have had multiple engineers tell me the propane is adjusted correctly, the dust is NOT more with a gas stove properly adjusted, etc.
The fact remains that if i get down one of those jars without having touched it in a month it is sticky, greasy, dusty, nasty that must be cleaned before i put it back. I do not recall ever having that problem in any house i had an electric stove in. But i switched over to gas many years ago, and may not remember much, as those were the days i was moving every six months- before any dust had time to settle.
I don’t want to give up the gas stove- i love my cast iron, and can’t imagine trying to cook with them on electric- but the dust- no way, Jose!
Michele R. says
A solution that worked to transition my baby away from the nipple shield was to snip away a little bit of the front opening of the shield, gradually widening the opening. I would continue to snip away a little bit more over about two weeks or so and shortly baby transitioned with no fuss.
Cirelo says
For a little while I have wanted to point people on this site in the direction of the Thompson method of breast feeding. I think her method sounds very similar to the method I’ve heard you (Leila) describe but with a bit more detail and videos which are very helpful, but make sure you know who is behind you when you watch! During the formula shortage you kept referring to your nursing posts but as I was nursing a newborn at the time I wasn’t able to pull it together enough to share this information that I thought was relevant at the time. Anyway, using your info and her advice I was able to really finally reform my nursing issues (finally on my eighth baby! better late than never?). I realized how much bad information I had really assimilated from the status quo that caused me a great deal of early nursing discomfort and I just thought the way to deal was to tough it out. I’m starting to think that we just don’t know what we are talking about!
https://youtu.be/kZuSAzivTB4
Anyway, her site has lots of advice for painfree nursing and while I didn’t search through it I bet she has advice for transitioning from nipple shields! And I bet it’ll be a lot easier following whatever advice you can get from her!
Leila says
For a little while I have wanted to point people on this site in the direction of the Thompson method of breast feeding. I think her method sounds very similar to the method I’ve heard you (Leila) describe but with a bit more detail and videos which are very helpful, but make sure you know who is behind you when you watch! During the formula shortage you kept referring to your nursing posts but as I was nursing a newborn at the time I wasn’t able to pull it together enough to share this information that I thought was relevant at the time. Anyway, using your info and her advice I was able to really finally reform my nursing issues (finally on my eighth baby! better late than never?). I realized how much bad information I had really assimilated from the status quo that caused me a great deal of early nursing discomfort and I just thought the way to deal was to tough it out. I’m starting to think that we just don’t know what we are talking about!
https://youtu.be/kZuSAzivTB4
Anyway, her site has lots of advice for painfree nursing and while I didn’t search through it I bet she has advice for transitioning from nipple shields! And I bet it’ll be a lot easier following whatever advice you can get from her!
Theresa says
I am so relieved that it wasn’t you who put in those vinyl windows into your gorgeous old house! Your house is so pleasant and graceful, and the windows always catch me by surprise in your pictures…
Regarding weaning off a nipple shield, what I found most effective was this: get something to read and some snacks, then cozy up in bed topless and with baby on your chest in nothing but a diaper. The skin-to-skin time should help him to latch and nurse without the shield. If baby cries because he’s more familiar with silicone than skin (talk about hurting maternal feelings!) use the shield, but when he is calm and happy keep offering to nurse without. Eventually he’ll get the hang of it!
Amy says
I love kitchen renovations! And I would definitely prefer more light over cabinetry. Have you looked at deVol kitchens for inspiration? https://www.devolkitchens.com/
Juliana @ Urban Simplicity says
RE: nipple shields: I used them with all my kids and none of them were ever able to nurse without them, as they all had posterior tongue ties (that we clipped, but the muscle weakness persists anyway). My youngest didn’t wean until 18 months, so it can be done and isn’t a big deal for a longer run, Just get a retainer case to carry one in the purse or diaper bag and make sure there are lots of them around!
Beth says
Oh my goodness! I read your little note about the nipple shields at the end there and actually stared at it for a minute or two, racking my brain to try to remember if *I* was the one who asked you that question. Seeing as I am in that exact situation right now with my younger twin. In my mommy-brain addled memory, I never asked and someone else is just sharing the same struggle. That is what I LOVE about this blog. You and your daughters and all the other subscribers answer the questions I wouldn’t even think to ask, and where else on the internet or even in a book am I going to find fifteen different ladies’ advice on how to wean a child off a nipple shield? Incredible.
One piece of freestanding kitchen furniture that Italian grannies like the Pasta Grannies of YouTube seem to have is the bread table. I have coveted one since we got married (especially as I find I have to stand on tiptoe to knead bread at counters of standard height, and something one or two inches shorter would save me from soreness). Since our current rental has precious little built-in furnishings (stove and about 3 sq ft of counter divided between either side of the sink and that is IT), we ended up purchasing a kitchen cart. One day when it is not being used as our ONLY counter space, it will be my lovely freestanding bread table. It’s like a sneaky little gift from God.
Beth says
An update that I thought was relevant: my younger twin totally stopped wanting the nipple shield about two weeks ago. It’s incredibly freeing. It happened the same way for both of them (though my older one stopped needing it in the first week or two, and the youngest needed about three months): one day they start acting disgusted that this yucky thing is being offered to them, I take it off (or in the elder’s case, he rips it off with his tiny little hand), and they proceed to comfortably nurse from then on, as if nothing was ever different. I agree with many other commenters here that it often has to do with maturity and having a bigger mouth. Neither of mine have any tongue- or lip-ties. The LC at l’hospital said that they have textbook tongues (whatever that means), and they were four days short of full term. But they still needed that bit of extra help for a while. My bit of encouragement for the mom who is struggling is, if everything else seems normal and their lips flange out well with the nipple shield, just give them some time and endure the nuisance for a while. There is a good chance they will grow out of it when they are ready.
Annelise says
All four of my children have needed a nipple shield to start, as they’ve all been tongue tied and my anatomy is tricky too. I’ve weaned all but one off by 3-4 months. Working on latch mechanics, laid back breastfeeding, also if dealing with ties the chiropractor and some osteopathic work were key for a few of mine bc there was underlying muscle tension that affected ability to turn head comfortably and restricted motion. Definitely work on the suck training exercises after a tie revision to help get the muscles patterning. And if all fail, one can continue nursing with a shield for the duration. I did it for 18 months with my third and it was really annoying but it got the job done. Largely it just takes patience and trying again and again and again. Don’t try when either you or baby is very hungry or tired. Usually the best approach is to start with shield on, and then try to switch out once initial let down is over and baby is less ravenous. Then try again, and again. A dark room, lots of cuddling, calm voice, anything that encourages oxytocin is good. And if you or baby get frustrated try again. It took about a week give or take for most to get the hang of it and usually it feels very hopeless at the beginning. Even baby licking the nipple or latching on for a second is a victory so don’t get discouraged!!
Jo says
Hi Leila ! Cabinets rule open shelving .. while open shelving is pretty and fun in theory , everything on the shelf including the shelf is subject to kitchen grime and grease which is a unique kind of grime … put your pretties behind cabinets with glass . …
Leila says
Keep in mind that “unfitted” does not equal nor is identical to “open shelving”!
But also keep in mind my kitchen, which is 80% doors, windows, and fireplace…
bigmamaquilts says
I am so enjoying the convo here on open shelving vs an unkitchen. I wonder if properly working (microwave-less) vent hoods help to eliminate the grease and grime. Once upon a time, we rented an old 1900s house with a free standing stove in the kitchen. The vent hood was non existent due to a nearby window. As a result, there were zero shelving or cabinets around that stove. There was one wall of of a built in glass upper cabinets that opened from both sides of the kitchen and dining room. I loved that tiny little kitchen because of the miles of counter space and the windows were unobstructed by cabinets, so all the natural light flooded through the windows. There was also no backsplash and I do not recall ever feeling like the walls were greasy or grimy.
So many of these unkitchens also have no blacksplash. What are your plans? Bare walls or backsplash that goes to the ceiling? I dream of lining a blank wall in our kitchen with uppers to preserve the floor space but still give 7ft of counters. Time will tell what we do. Our kitchen is the heart of our home. We spend so much time connecting to one another in here, especially my older and younger kids, as we cook, clean, and chat.