The weekly “little of this, little of that” feature here at Like Mother, Like Daughter!
The front bedroom on the third floor has a lofty view of things.
You can see my garden, and now it's respectably weeded, in the paths especially, which is such a load of work, but so satisfying when it's done! (I didn't do it all, full disclosure. I have had to resort to hiring enterprising young people to fill in the gaps previously manned by my own children, who have flown the coop.)
Some things I have to just be patient about, short- or long-term: The plan is to erect a rabbit-proof fence (you can sort of see its beginnings there), and the poor Chief just has a lot of chores right now. On the other hand, the green beans are being decimated. Then, going to the right, the horizontals on my drying line got pulled down (“got pulled down” — I was mowing and somehow the dangling end of the clothesline caught on the mower and although I did notice, it was too late; where the bolts went in was a bit rotted, so they just fell out, ugh!). And then just to the right of that, my asparagus bed, which is terribly out of control. I have to wait until later in the summer to take care of it. I think I will try to burn off the weeds and begin again. I may or may not have bought a propane torch…
But other than that, we're in good shape. The raspberries further on to the right are doing fine, and then I have some even further beds that hold the kale, brussels sprouts, and pole beans (hence the white shelving there that I have repurposed into “poles” for them).
I mean, other than the vast brush in the beyond… someday when I can hire a Caterpillar to knock it all back… sigh…
On to our links!
- Are you familiar with materialism as an explanation for reality? Basically, that matter is the only thing that exists. So, for instance, that the mind is in the brain. A neurosurgeon goes to St. Thomas Aquinas to explain what he encounters regularly on the operating table, that the mind is something apart from the brain. A good one for the high schoolers too.
Materialism, the view that matter is all that exists, is the premise of much contemporary thinking about what a human being is. Yet evidence from the laboratory, operating room, and clinical experience points to a less fashionable conclusion: Human beings straddle the material and immaterial realms.
- Twenty-three dangerous things to let your kids do. (Of course, as I do not tire of saying, the modern family with its relentless pace and two working parents will simply not have time to let children play as they ought, and no amount of articles encouraging freedom for them will have any effect. For children to develop with the right amount of “danger” and exploration, there must be the leisure afforded by having the mother devoted to making the home.
- You can't do better than reading Fr. James Schall — and I think this essay would be particularly good to read with your older children — if they have any idea who Bob Dylan is! His deceptively simple way of unfolding an argument carries you along. Here he examines Bob Dylan's Nobel Prize speech, and uncovers truths about education and song, and transcendence.
- The Quiet Joy of Watching Other People Knit (I haven't been knitting now that the weather is amazing and the garden calls, but these pictures are delightful — especially the last one of Doris Day, for whom I have a special fondness).
This reminds me of my all-time favorite knitting photo, of Jacques Plante, Canadian hockey goalie. “A fellow’s got to have something to do when he’s not tending the nets.”
Sometimes the best response to ridiculous PC culture is simply to stay close to the saints. Today's feast is for St. Junipero Serra, missionary to the Americas. The beauty of the culture he inspired will inspire us as well! Traditionally, it's also the feast of The Most Precious Blood of Jesus (just scroll further down that link), to which the month of July is dedicated. I love how our faith helps us to contemplate, little by little, all the various truths and beauties of God's goodness.
From the archives:
- Did you know that I have a bajillion posts about discipline? Here's one: Don't Wear Your Child's Name Out.
- Some musings on living one's own life: This part of the island is where you are now.
~We’d like to be clear that, when we direct you to a site via one of our links, we’re not necessarily endorsing the whole site, but rather just referring you to the individual post in question (unless we state otherwise).~
Jenny says
Quite gladdened to see this list of “dangerous” things!!! I feel very hemmed in here in the suburbs, but most of these things are manageable even here, and many of them my boy does or did. My husband and I are still trying to compromise on the bike to school thing. A lot of children here bike to school, but they have to go through a busy intersection (with stoplights and crosswalks), and a couple of children have actually been hit by people turning right on red. Believe it or not, I’m the one who thinks our 7th grader should be able to do it, and my husband is the more reluctant. I’m the one who drives my son to school, and would love to have the time back, but more than anything, I’d like for him to have this responsibility and experience. I think it would be good for him.
Great links as always!
Leila says
Jenny, it’s horrifying that children have been hit on the way to school! That intersection should have “No Turn On Right” signs and a police detail to enforce it until people internalize that this is how it’s going — or a crossing guard. You may not know it, but you can talk to the relevant board in your jurisdiction to address traffic issues like that. Usually near schools the traffic patterns are different from elsewhere. I really encourage people to do what they can to make streets safer for pedestrians and cyclists!
Jenny says
Auntie Leila, thank you for your encouragement. It is really unbelievable how the city officials have dealt with this issue. Here in our neighborhood we have a very vocal contingent who has raised this issue with the city. The request for a crossing guard was refused, but they did add a left turn signal to the lights. I’m not sure about the Right Turn sign. I’ll have to look for that next time I’m there. That might make my husband feel better about the situation and sounds like a really good solution. The parents around here just make sure their children travel in packs, since that is safer anyway. It is hard to miss a group of children on bicycles.
Stephanie says
Auntie Leila,
Your home and garden photos look so lovely and summery!
On an unrelated note, do you still have a page with your upcoming speaking engagements? I was looking up summer genealogy conferences earlier (family history being a hobby of mine), and that made me think to look for other speaking events/conferences/etc. in other domains for the summer, and I wondered if you had any talks coming up! I thought that you used to have a page listing upcoming events, but now I can’t find it… would you mind pointing me in the right direction – or just letting me know if I am entirely mixed up and such a page does not exist? 🙂
Thank you!
Leila says
Thanks, Stephanie!
The page for speaking engagements is found on the menu bar. You can go here: http://likemotherlikedaughter.org/speaking/
I’ve put in the next talk(s), which will be in October. (I forgot to put on the Milwaukee/Chicago ones, sorry!)
Stephanie says
Thank you very much! 🙂
Catherine says
All 9 of my kids have done those dangerous things, except walk to school. Well they do walk to the dining room table, but I don’t think that is what they had in mind. I would add ride a horse, rope a cow, shear a sheep and milk a cow. Living on a ranch we get to do all those fun things.
Mrs. Bee says
This made me laugh! We homeschool too, so I can say with certainty that I will NEVER allow my kids to bike to school!! (Unless it’s nice outside and we can work on the patio 🙂 )
Mrs. Bee says
I will confess I am a danger-averse person, perhaps even more so because raised by very danger-averse parents – but I do see it in my nature anyway. Some things in the list don’t feel dangerous: we’ve put our kids at the car wheel quite early 🙂 Other things we do with trepidation, but they fall flat: we gave our son a pocket knife for his 10th birthday; after being told how to use it, he cut himself while carving his initials on a tree and has never wanted to touch it again! Still other things, I have a hard time encouraging my own kids to do, especially walking/biking by themselves. I was hit by a car and then by a motorcycle when I was young, and frankly both times it was entirely my fault, crossing a street at the wrong moment (both times I was out with older siblings, who I guess just lost sight of me long enough.) Or, one of my brothers broke a foot jumping off the garage roof, when he was 14 or 15… Hard to find the right balance in these things!
The article by the neurosurgeon was fascinating – so many life-and-death decisions are taken these days under faulty assumptions! Anyway, is St. Thomas awesome or what…
Laura says
I was encouraged to see that the list of dangerous things are already things my boys know how to do… I haven’t let them explore a construction site, (b/c we’ve never had one nearby), but nearly everything else is actually a regular part of our life… I recently bought the oldest his own carving knives… nicer ones and he’s already cut himself… pretty bad too. he sheared part of his nail off and it bled like a stuck pig and is still healing. But he’s back to it already. they climb trees, fight with homemade swords (that are getting bigger), shoot bows and arrows, and target practice often.
Theresa says
I work full-time as an attorney, and my six (so far!) children have done most of the “dangerous” things on the list. I disagree that it is not possible to afford one’s children proper play and leisure time unless the mother forgoes a career. My husband and I both work in many ways (including for pay) to support our rich family life and our children’s development. God bless.
Leila says
Theresa, without mothers at home, there can be no neighborhood for children to roam in, no one to go fetch them when they do break an arm, no one to mind the other kids while you take the victim to the hospital. It’s all hidden, though, so that makes it possible for some to claim that they can do it all and have it all.
It’s very simple for me to prove that I am right.
Just go to the sandlot — now, in July — and see whether there are kids playing ball there, on their own, until their moms call them in for supper, the way they did 60 and 50 years ago.
Oh, right — there’s not even a sandlot…
Mrs. Bee says
Whenever we go to a playground, it’s either empty or there are only babies and toddlers. My older children, who at 11 and 10 are swing-obsessed and still enjoy a playground, never find anyone else to play with. I naively thought once schools were out we would have better luck, but no: everyone must be at camp or some other school-substituting activity. It is a loss that kids don’t get to meet other kids just casually, in a non-planned way.
Where I grew up, it was the church bells that told us it was time to go home 🙂
Theresa says
We have a very different experience. Our local park is full and we have very close relationships with our neighbors (who we very frequently share meals with). Our kids are always in each other’s houses. My husband works from home (engineer) and handily handles broken arms. Our life is joyful. God bless.
Mrs. Bee says
You’re lucky! I just wish it didn’t take luck, but that it could be normal everywhere…
Leila says
It’s always been true that a few people can do things a bit differently, and it will work. But it doesn’t work for women to leave home, and for their husbands to leave home too. Not as a whole.
So what’s necessary is for the few to understand that something important will be lost if they insist on imposing their “model” on everyone, as has happened with women insisting that careers were the only way for them to achieve excellence. Since most people don’t really have “careers”, but simply work for their families, protecting their ability to do that, to allow the woman to stay home, would have been a good idea.
Solidarity with the vast majority of people for whom a chance to raise their children doing “dangerous” (that is, not micromanaged) activities has been utterly taken away, demands that we acknowledge that something has gone wrong, even if personally we made it work… the vast empty neighborhoods of our country and the incredibly curtailed lives of our children *on the whole* indict our complacency.
Theresa says
I appreciate and agree with your generous response! I value women who stay home–their work is valuable and dignified. And I admit my own lifestyle, the fact that I make it all “work,” is borne of extreme privilege. We can hire out shopping and cleaning to concentrate on cooking and baking (which we love) and have flexibility afforded by our positions to attend doctor appointments and day-time recitals. We live in an intentional community and therefore have neighbors who support and nurture our whole family. And my husband is an unusually good cook and involved father. St. Gianna, patroness of all mothers and model for working mothers, pray for us! And God bless your beautiful blog and family.
Lindsay says
I had the exact same thought – I work out of the home and my two older kids (mine are aged 8, 6, 4 and 1) have done 10 of the 23 “dangerous things” – at least, that I know about! I’m sure they have managed a few more without my knowledge. And I understand the point, Leila, and generally agree. I also recognize my privilege and do not insist on all women working outside the home –
quite the contrary!
But I have to tell you, on my street, where I am the only “working mom” (there are 5 or 6 who stay home full time, and also have young kids) – mine are the only kids running wild through the woods, manning the fire pit, chasing chickens, jumping in streams. The others are playing indoors, or at carefully-arranged playdates, or are hovered over by mom while on the backyard swing set. While I wish that I could be home, of course I do!, my kids are not missing out on this important part of childhood. I’m really quite tired of people blaming the empty sandlots on working moms, when my kids are the only ones playing there.
Leila says
Theresa, sounds grand! And know that I always do pray for (and love) all our readers!
Lindsay, it’s only too true that the mentality of micro-managing has taken over everyone — only those who really make the effort get anywhere with the “dangerous activities” and it’s exhausting to ward off the overthinking that goes along with modern life. I always found it most exhausting to continually answer my children’s wondering questions about why their friends weren’t doing the same fun things! Or why WE couldn’t get a video game player…
I’m certainly not arguing that staying at home automatically confers this good life with kids we are speaking of. I’m only saying that the community has to have people in it — in it ALL DAY — for the danger not to be too dangerous. And those people are the women. If they are home, then the old people can be home too, and they sit on the porch and keep an eye on the neighborhood as well.
There have always been working moms — moms in the shops, in the fields. Those same moms had lots of kids and kept their eye out — they were too busy to micromanage, but they were also THERE. The sacrifice that went along with pitching in and also being generous with bringing children into this world made the fertile soil of *good childhoods* for all the “poor neglected children” who just had to be on their own, playing baseball in the vacant lot literally all day (as my husband remembers doing).
Now we just have everyone driving 45 minutes… away… who can have more than 2.0 kids? Who can remain in the neighborhood when all that work demands a trip to Disney on the few days off? this isn’t a personal observation, since obviously both of you attest to something different. But it is a global one. For every mom who works at home, there are a thousand who are just GONE, and a million children who never get an existence at all, because everyone is just too busy!
Teri Pittman says
I am continuing to work on getting the house ready to sell. It just seems endless but we have moved to the painting phase. God willing, we will be buying a house on the ocean. It’s small, old, and odd. I don’t think anyone has actually lived there, just vacationed. We both want the place and it really has helped us focus on the work. (We have to fix up and sell a second place to complete the deal but the owner of the ocean place will carry the contract for us and give us time to do that. At least we’ll have money to hire help for that project).
I did not do a garden again, but have a few things in pots. The raspberries are producing again this year. I’m transplanting a few to take with us. I am really looking forward to retiring. I want to spend my time knitting and gardening while I look out at the ocean.