If you've ever heard a talk given by me in the past year or two, you've heard me dwell for a bit on a lovely observation from Roger Scruton on beauty. He points out that there are two kinds of beauty:
“The individual, expressive and revealing gesture, and ordinary harmony and fittingness. In everyday life it is the second kind of beauty that is important, and it is exemplified in home building, gardening and the design of squares, houses and streets. It is important because it expresses and amplifies the human desire for settlement, for an environment in which things fit together and people too.
“It is an instrument of peace.”
Summer is winding down.
The bees are working hard, but there won't be a huge harvest this year. It was too dry. The grass in my backyard has recovered somewhat; in the front, it's still pretty stressed. However, it was never impressive, even on its best days.
I see all the weeds I haven't pulled. I see them clearly.
I see my plans, and how I didn't get to many of them.
The garden is what it is. I dream in June, and I pick what I can in September — plenty of tomatoes this year, kale always, and raspberries! Which is just a treat.
Inside, there are shelves to put up in the laundry room. We could have done that job over Labor Day weekend, but we went to friends' daughter's wedding and took advantage of the proximity to children and grandchildren to make the rounds. And certainly, that is all good!
I'm looking forward to these dark shelves against the white walls, held up by perhaps overly bright blue brackets.
And I need to make some quilts, but I'm not feeling it just now. Hopefully I will soon — maybe when the cooler weather settles in for real and the tomatoes are safely inside.
Scruton speaks of how ordinary beauty is imperfect, unlike the perfection of the grand gesture. But it reconciles us to our own imperfection, while allowing us to remember that there is perfection.
It gives us a home in the world.
I believe that these words resonate particularly with the mother and the father of the family, however large or small it may be. If we serenely pursue this ordinary beauty in everyday things and relationships, we build our home. This beauty gives us settlement, and it gives others settlement as well. It gives them a glimpse of what they can have, themselves, without the anxiety of thinking they must somehow be perfect; paradoxically, it's that very home-likeness, the imperfection, that most reminds them, and us, of Perfection.
Wendy-May Jacobs says
Lovely. Thank you!
Claudia says
So consoled by your “weeds” in the garden area. we have a huge garden every year, and it becomes so unattractive, yet fruitful most of the time. Thank you for this encouraging post.
Lord, help me and my lack of perfection, in so many areas.
Caitlyn says
Thank you Leila! Our third, Mary Josephine, was born this past Sunday. Thank you for the timely reminder to be at home and at peace amidst the beauty and imperfection that come with a new baby.
Stephanie says
Congratulations! I love her name!!
Ona says
Oh, but your post is just perfect in its timing and content! I actually felt myself exhale as I was reading it. Bless you Leila, for being an instrument in God’s hand 🙂
Lisa G. says
Our friends, two sisters, visited several weeks ago and said they always feel so comfortable and at home at our place. (it was only for dinner) These girls are both (good) artists and their home is architecturally(built in the 20s) more wonderful than ours, and very pleasantly arranged inside. You wouldn’t think our boring ranch with sheets thrown over the living room chairs would appeal to them. But I was grateful for their remarks!
Julie says
Thanks Leila.
Have you addressed the “empty nest” before? This is “3 weeks new” to me, and my perfection issue is thinking that all of the projects will get done quickly…ha, ha!
The other issue is finding the balance between missing the college kids and accepting their maturity – letting them go. What a funny and strange phase of life! I’d love to hear how you and others have found peace as our mother roles redefine themselves; especially stay at home moms who gave up previous careers and are branching out in new ways.
Thank you for all you do,
Julie
Mary says
Ah, Julie, this is exactly where I am. How my heart aches for those young adults away in college, but how my heart swells to think of them maturing into the wonderful people they are.
One of my S-I-Ls, herself always working outside the home, asked me what I’ll do now. Not wanting to share my heartfelt desire, I simply said, “Sew.” Although I’ve been able to sew all along, I am thinking of how I used to sew before I married and babies came along–a project from start to finish, in one or two sittings.
I have no desire to go back into the workaday world. Maybe I was never really part of it. I was a high school teacher, told by MANY, that I didn’t have a “real job” and that “those who can’t, teach”. Shows what THEY know! But to consider being amongst so many others who don’t share my Catholic outlook, where I’d have to watch every word and action to make sure I’m “tolerant”, I can’t and won’t do.
I think–and I’m new at this, so I’m NOT positive– that as our roles as mothers redefine themselves, as you say, if we are open to God’s Grace, things will work out. When we began the great adventure of Catholic wives and mothers we didn’t know every step before it happened. Perhaps we made plans and things, even BIG things, changed those plans.
At this point, part of me feels like Mr. Banks, ” I don’t know. I might pop through a chalk pavement picture, and go for an outing in the country. Or I might seize a horse off a merry-go-round, and win the derby! Or I might just fly a kite!” But whatever I shall do, I pray that I shall do it for the greater honor and glory of our Good God. God bless!
Betty says
love the reference to Mr. Banks 🙂 God bless you, Mary!
Catie H says
Mary, as much as you can remain available to “be there” for your children (and maybe one day grandchildren!), and parish, and neighbors, and local community – what a blessing! There are so few hands available when so many are in the workforce. As a young woman on the brink of welcoming baby #6, I can only imagine the joy of having my mom more available. And there are some women in my life who are past the young children stage and happy to pitch in as they can, and it is a gift beyond measure. I can’t even describe my gratitude. So as much as we women can help rebuild the concept of womanhood in the home, I encourage you wholeheartedly to NOT jump back into the “workforce”. Your wisdom is most likely so much better used in other ways if at all possible.
God bless you!
Catie
Joana says
Really?! You created a tag for Roger Scruton? I love that!
I was just watching an interview with him in his home (which, wow, talk about beauty!). Anyway, it goes wonderfully with your post!
http://www.canvas.be/video/wanderlust/najaar-2016/alicja-ontmoet-roger-scruton
There are bits in Dutch, but the actual interview is in English.
Sonja Maierhauser says
Thank you for another lovely post. Because I’m learning to skate far away from perfectionism, I really liked your line, “paradoxically, it’s that very home-likeness, the imperfection, that most reminds them, and us, of Perfection.” That, combined with the homey photos is cause for a sigh of contentment and a bit of inspiration to make little spots of homey perfection here.