The weekly “little of this, little of that” feature here at Like Mother, Like Daughter!
Fall in New Hampshire. It's that smell in the air, and the warm evening sun coming through the orange leaves, and the crisp winds, and the chilly nights and mornings, and the new light that shines down into the apartment in the afternoon thanks to slightly thinner foliage…
I would say you should come visit, but we're suddenly feeling all booked up until the holidays! (Yes, you! EVERYONE! I just want all the world to be here and experience this with us!) It's suddenly here and going too fast.
But we did get out apple picking last weekend with some new friends.
Here, Finnabee is being indulged as she wants to keep exploring down the row but Daddy is caught in conversation and Mommy has plopped down to nurse the baby (but has a camera at the ready):
The orchard was so lovely that we (the kids and I) went back during the week with some other friends! When it comes with an awesome play yard (including swings and a sandpit), rolling views of all the surrounding mountain peaks, and the weather is fine, the orchard on the top of the hill certainly is the place to be!
This week's links! (Just a reminder: if you're reading this page on the Home page, it will be more difficult to navigate than if you click on the title and read it on its unique page. The bullet formation just doesn't want to come through on the Home page, for reasons mysterious to us.)
I have two top picks this week.
- Stop Googling. Let's Talk. from the NYTimes. The author identifies the negative, unintended consequences of “personal devices” with regard to conversation and other aspects of human flourishing. What makes this a more refreshing read than the average luddite-esque-rant (as much as I enjoy the genre) is that she also makes indications for how we might respond constructively and keep our technologies in check.From the article: “Studies of conversation both in the laboratory and in natural settings show that when two people are talking, the mere presence of a phone on a table between them or in the periphery of their vision changes both what they talk about and the degree of connection they feel. People keep the conversation on topics where they won’t mind being interrupted. They don’t feel as invested in each other. Even a silent phone disconnects us.”
- My Dealings are Higher than Your Dealings. Do you ever have that feeling that the Gospel passage for the day was surprisingly fitting? Or that the Old Testament readings this week seemed to track exactly what you were going through? It seems so silly now that I've read this piece, but it honestly hadn't occurred to me before that there would be an over-arching term for this, as of course it is not coincidental: liturgical providence of God. Highly recommended especially if you are on tenterhooks regarding the current Synod.
Moms, Babies, and Childhood Development (if this has been a theme with me recently, I guess that just reflects where I'm at in life and what my reading tends to be!)
- My friend Moira must know that I feel strongly about the issue of post-partum care, since she rightly predicted that I'd enjoy reading this piece on Creating Your Babymoon. Mind you, this woman's perspective is woo-hoo-hippy-dippy (her words), but I admit that I am right there with her as far as stressing the need to rest (read: in bed) and be nourished; and she has a lot of practical advice.
- (Related to the “Googling” article, above) I love that she notes that just gazing at the newborn baby is so important. I might be biased, but I think we could all benefit from more baby-gazing in our lives. Babies are just endlessly fascinating — open to the world, so innocent, so newly alive, changing every moment — that they hold our gaze more than the average grown-up person does. One more reason, in my book, to toss away the screen when there's a baby in arms (it's a goal of mine, at least – not one that I've been 100% successful at so far!).
- Speaking of new babies, I am loving this new term: breastsleeping. It's what many of us are doing and need to feel more confident about, because it is, indeed, good for us and the baby.
- My Facebook friends have been passing this around for the past few weeks, and I finally got around to reading it. File away under “just let your kids play and they will learn!” aka “The American model of Kindergarten is bonkers!” The Joyful, Illiterate Kindergarteners of Finland.
Miscellaneous
- An enormous and exquisitely organized new archive of photos from the Great Depression and WWII. You can search by time period, location, and photographer. Check it out on Yale's Photogrammar.
- A little while ago, when I posed a question about how to handle my cloth diapers, a few of you recommended that I check out Fluff Love University. Just want to pass it on now; I am actually a little overwhelmed at the depth and breadth of the informativeness of this site. Definitely the top standard of information for anyone using cloth! Thank you for pointing me in that direction, dear readers!
MacKenzie says
Loved the babymoon article. I’m due with #3 today (yes today baby! you are welcome anytime now! ) and am determined to do better than I did before. For completely unavoidable reasons (my mom was diagnosed with cancer when my dd was 2 weeks old), my first postpartum recovery was really rough. Second was better but this time I think I can be a pro. I’ve got about 30 meals/snacks in the freezer with husband-proof heating up directions (last time I made meals but only wrote the name because they were family favorites and I knew how to cook them – but he didn’t and kept having to come to me, “uhm, honey, what does one do with a frozen chicken and broccoli casserole?”) and lots of ideas of fun places he can take the little two so I can stay home and really rest along with a couple friends who will come get the kids to play at their house so daddy can rest with the baby too. And just yesterday DH vacuumed my room and shifted thing so the baby’s bed can go next to mine and be filled with all the diapers, wipes and snacks I’ll need. But I know as soon as the baby comes, the pull to be productive will start again so think her no pants idea sounds pretty delightful.
Margaret says
I’m always slightly baffled by the advice to stay in bed for weeks when you have a new baby. I don’t know who these babies are who are willing to quietly lie down with you all day while you rest, but I certainly don’t have any of them (I’m expecting my fifth). Even in the hospital I am on my feet for hours on end, trying to calm my fussy babies down.
I also have mixed feelings about the idea that academic content needs to be dialed down in kindergarten. I know some kids need extra time before they start formal work. But my oldest, for instance, was reading fluently by her fifth birthday, and would have been bored out her mind even in a modern “academically focused” kindergarten. If kindergarten should just be playtime, why send them at all? They can play just as well at home.
Rebekka says
Well I don’t live in Finland, but in Denmark. Here kids start kindergarten when they are six. My impression from the article is that it’s a tad more academic here than in Finland. They work on pre-reading and stuff like that.
The playtime is both structured and unstructured, and the children are gradually eased into the social environment of school through play, that’s important too. And that is for kids who are already coming from an institutionalized background! Something like 95% of Danish 3-6 year olds go to daycare. (You need to have a very, very wealthy spouse to afford to stay at home.) I can’t imagine what it is like for American children who go directly from being at home all day to a long kindergarten day where they are doing structured activities all day.
Even if a child is talented at languages or math from an early age, play is still an important part of their development!
Emily D. says
Right, Margaret, I sort of feel the same way. Now, I should say–I’m not a parent. Not married, no kids. 🙂 But I remember my kindergarten days, and while we played, we also learned things, like our prayers (it was a Catholic school), the alphabet, writing, etc. Pre-school was much more “play”–we learned colors and such, but it was mostly structured and unstructured playtime. By the time I was in first grade, we were reading chapter books–Little House in the Big Woods, etc. Now, some of my early literacy is no doubt due to the fact that I had a mother who read to me all the time, but there was lots of exposure to books and reading even in the “unstructured” playtime of pre-K and K.
Rebekka–a lot of places in the US offer half day K, so you either do the morning or the afternoon session; you can also choose all-day K. I myself went to afternoon K only, because any more than that, and the teacher probably would’ve killed me. 😛 I was an active kid, and the idea of sitting in a classroom all day would’ve caused some mental meltdowns for me and the teacher. But even in half-day K, you have a schedule, of sorts–nap time, recess, sit down and learn, etc. time.
Katherine says
(FYI, it seems that LMLD and Microsoft Edge aren’t working well together; I sent in a couple of comments yesterday that never appeared via ME, but when I tried Firefox, they appeared immediately. *sigh* I knew Windows 10 was too good to be true…)
Margaret, I had the same thing with DD. Pre-birth, I envisioned us snuggling together in bed for days while I recovered. The reality was more like “stagger in circles hoping she’d fall asleep someday, or at least stop screaming.” For her, being carried around meant the difference between”just” inconsolable crying and hysterical screaming…fun! I do *not* remember those days with fondness, ugh. Nice to know I wasn’t the only one. 😉
Deirdre says
Margaret, I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had such a hard time post-partum with your babies!
I’m not an expert on the topic in general nor on your particular situation but I will say this — if your baby MUST be walked, can’t someone else be on pacing-the-floor-with-baby duty so that you can rest? (Really! Husband, sister, friend…?)
I agree with the mixed feelings in so far as I wouldn’t say that I am holding this Finnish model up as an ideal. I just think that it’s helpful to contrast it with what we have which I think is definitely *not* ideal. Emily, I know that there are places in the US where it actually isn’t possible to get one’s kid enrolled in any kindergarten that’s not full day! And I know a certain little boy in my neighborhood who definitely just switched from day care, where he had a nap every day, to full-day kindergarten without nap and WITH homework! It’s craziness.
The point is that we need to think about who children are and what they really need, and back off.
Pearlann says
Thank you for the articles on breast sleeping and postpartum care, My 5th is due in February and its a nice reminder to take care of myself those first few weeks. Also the breast sleeping article just served to verify something I already knew! I figured it out with my first, we had a beautiful nursery set up and a bassinet in our bedroom, I tried the bassinet for about a week, I was getting little sleep and it was getting annoying to wake up and lift the baby from the bassinet wait for him to finish nursing, most of the time I would pull him off before he was finished in hopes of getting more sleep. Then one night I just let him sleep with us, and would nurse him when he wanted, I would latch him on and the fall back to sleep after that I did breast sleeping with my other babies and don’t really remember ever being sleep deprived, The baby slept well and I slept well. One of the things I hated about our hospital births is that we couldn’t co sleep I hated it and they hated it, I couldnt wait to get home.We are planning a home birth with this baby
Deirdre says
That’s my big thing too, Pearlann — I know that part of it is that I’m just lucky, but I have never felt the exhaustion and burnout that other women describe with newborn babies, because we’ve just slept together and nursed whenever we needed it! It’s unfortunate that the expectations would be so hard on women during such a delicate time, and not even for good reason.
Diana says
Thank you for these lovely links! I especially loved the Finnish kindergarten article and the breastsleeping article. Regarding the latter, it is certainly time that we took back the territory from “all co-sleeping is evil, dangerous, and punishable by law” modern propaganda. It’s infuriating that something which is totally normal in the rest of the world (and in the entire animal kingdom) is considered dangerous, when it’s clearly not. (It’s kind of like lumping all homebirths together and calling homebirth dangerous. Um, no!) If we took a kitten away from it’s mother and put it in a box to cry, we’d call it child abuse. But with human babies… Hmmm.
Love the blog, as always!
Deirdre says
Interesting perspective about the kittens, Diana! Of course, we don’t want to end up like those pandas who apparently smush their young…. 🙂
Colette says
Great articles! I’m staring at a weekend’s worth of positive pregnancy tests, so the babymoon article happens to be timely. Thank you!
Katie says
I’m wondering if you wise ladies have any follow-up comments to the baby moon piece?
I have to admit, when I read an article like that, it sort of makes me want to cry, because it sounds lovely, but not very realistic (in my case, at least). Who is taking care of the other children while you’re sitting in bed if your husband has to go back to work after a few days? What if your (doting, well-intentioned) mother-in-law DOES expect to come hold a swaddled baby all day and will be very hurt if you tell her she has to wait a few weeks to get her snuggles in?
How do you ask for help from those people closest to you (particularly your hardworking husband) and how do you delicately set boundaries for the rest? How do you determine when you really do need help and when you need to accept your circumstances and offer it up?
Becky says
I wound up with c-sections for all 3 children. That made it very clear that the only thing it was possible for me to do for about 2 weeks was hold the baby and lie around. Mine were all born within 4 years so it wasn’t possible to care for them without expecting to lift them and that was out of the question. My mom got in some snuggles with the baby but was mostly there to take care of the rest of the family while I fielded the baby. I often handed off the baby when it wasn’t nursing, even. I think it mostly comes down to very clear lines of communication and it might be better if your husband talked to his mom instead of you. I was also very clear about how grateful I was that she was around and taking care of the big kids and made a point of sitting with the while they watched a cartoon or I read them a book so she got a spell with the baby, as well.
Mrs. Pickles says
Great links this week! (Although when are they not?) Go Finland! (Their kindergarten day sounds just like my homeschooled kindergartener’s day.) Sisu!
Moira says
Thank you for the lovely list of links Deirdre!
My particular favorite, seeing the Providence of God through the daily scriptures.
Cheers,
Moira
Stephanie Lynn Tanner says
Thank you so much for including my babymoon piece! I realize that it stirs up a lot of reactions and frustration in mamas who might feel like these expectations are unrealistic for their individual situations. My hope is that we can start shedding some light on how the expectation on us **mothers** are completely unrealistic, and we can start (yes, gently) demanding the very basic care that we all deserve.
I’m happy to answer to everyone’s individual comments over on the blog <3
-Stephanie