Is there currently a St. Greg's Pocket in your area? (Have you checked the list?)
Maybe you already have a good group of friends. The type of friends who are connected to each other by locality, by shared interest… most importantly, by shared goals in life and the willingness to look out for each other?
I needed this kind of group when I was single and I needed it when I was a bride. I need it even more now that I have kids. We all need people to rely on, no matter our place in life!
I have been so blessed with the group of families I've been making contact with here in Manchester, since we moved here last Fall! My Pocket has been such a blessing for me, for my husband, and for the kids.
At first, since I was new in town, I didn't jump right on top of making a St. Greg's Pocket. I thought maybe there was already a moms' group, and I did have a few friends here already who welcomed us and connected us with some other like-minded folks.
But after some time, and especially in the midst of a very long winter, I decided that even with the lovely communities already in place here, perhaps there might also be a use for a Pocket — something that could bridge the lines of our Catholic parishes and include other Christian ladies as well. So I went ahead and formed the Facebook group and got it started. I emailed a few people I was close to and explained it to them and asked them to spread the word – and they did! (I know – I'm really lucky.)
Five months after “officially” kicking off, we have 45 members in the group. Now, we haven't all met (yet) and no one get-together has included more than about 12 ladies. Not everyone is equally interested. But hey – there are a few dozen people I am in touch with that way, and that means a lot to me! There is a little core of us who have been enjoying getting together frequently and getting to know each other. At the very least, we've been helping each other get out of the house!
Here are a few thoughts on what has worked for our Pocket:
1. State a time and place. If everyone posts on the Pocket Facebook page to say “would anyone like to meet at the pool?” or “I'd like to meet you all!” everyone else will just smile at their screens and state their agreement… and nothing will happen. Instead, just throw an event on there and say you'll be there and ask others to be there too.
Especially if you can do this on a consistent basis (for us it's been Wednesday mornings for the most part), you will make it easier for others to join. We all find ourselves saying, “oh, I wasn't ready this week – but I could make it next week,” right? (Of course if you've just picked a day that doesn't work for the other Pocket members, then you need to adjust that.)
2. Include food. For our first get-together, which I hosted, I asked ladies to bring a treat to share. I prepped a few things and some tea and everyone generously contributed and suddenly there was an abundance of food! Honestly, it just made it more fun. Food is fun. It's easier to connect over food.
The next time around, I said to bring something to share “if so inclined,” and tried to dial it back a little. Those who were able brought something, and those who didn't have the time didn't, and it all worked out such that there was still plenty – a little something for the ladies, a little something for the kids…
Sometimes there were just a few of us, so we just munched on a very simple snack and had tea. We didn't need to get fancy, we just needed to extend some graciousness to each other to help break the ice.
3. If possible, meet outside. I loved having ladies over to The Chesternest for a weekly visit, but there are only so many people my apartment can fit and only so much corralling of littles that we could manage while also enjoying ourselves. It wasn't the best environment for the bigger families in the group, either.
Once we were able to get out of doors, things really started to take off. Meeting at the park and the playground – where kids can mind their own business and get energy out and there's less social pressure, as it's neutral turf – has been awesome. And even if the day doesn't work out for everyone's schedule and it turns out to be just a small group or just a couple ladies or even just you… well, it's the playground, so you can still enjoy the swings!
For our playground meet-ups, we haven't been doing the food-sharing. We just pack our own kids snacks and arrive and depart on a more relaxed basis.
We've been able to get meals to each other when they were needed, share prayer requests, give tips on where to take the kids for day trips, and more.
I already have ideas for when the weather cools down again and we need to retreat indoors. Now that many of us have been able to meet and we've gotten a little established as a group, I look forward to doing some reading and discussing with these friends. These things take time…
Has it been scary to start a St. Greg's Pocket? In my case, no – but I know I've had it easy. I did enter a lovely community of ladies; the Pocket has just been a new way to get those ladies together. And I know that I'm the type of personality that thrives on getting people together and organizing events, etc.
If this does not suit your personality or if you are looking at a very dull landscape in terms of like-minded souls in your area, then you may have more challenges ahead.
Still, I think you should go for it – if you haven't already – because I think it'll be worth it. And you should keep at it if you've already gotten a start!
Another few thoughts:
Maybe you already have your circle of friends and you're feeling all set. Even so, would you consider getting those friends together to formulate into a Pocket that can be posted here and made searchable to other readers? There might be a neighbor – someone who is in your vicinity and is like-minded – who doesn't know that you're there and really does need you.
Also, for you more experienced moms: please know that young moms and young women without kids want to meet you and be with your families! Those of us who are starting out family life need to be around those of you who are further down the road, and it can be hard to break into your sphere sometimes. We want to learn by your example and have our little kids mingle with your bigger kids… we need your collective memory! There is no age limit – high or low – for Pocket activity!
As my mom mentioned, we would love to see your Pockets in action! So here is our proposal:
– Organize a get-together (at least just one!) by the end of the summer. Fit one in by September 7 (Labor Day). Summer really is easier!
– Snap a photo of you and your other Pocket people. Your living room, your local petting zoo, your beach; whether it's two of your or twenty of you, whether it's all moms or couples… whatever it is! Just say “ok let's get a photo for those pushy LMLD ladies” and then take it. (Yes, one from before will work too, if the summer finds your Pocket on the back burner until everyone gets back from vacation.)
– Send us your photo and we will post it on the blog! We want to see you, and we think that seeing you will give others encouragement as well! Just send your photo to LMLDblog [at] gmail.com. (Make sure that everyone in the photo is okay with it ending up posted on the interwebs!)
If you don't know what I'm going on about with all this “Pocket” talk, check out the previous posts:
Instructions for starting a group.
A vision for the type of friendly community you want to achieve.
Being bold in seeking friendship.
Some practical notes on the St. Greg's Pockets.
Have you already gotten going? Have more tips and experiences for our readers? Let us know in the comments!
Donna L. says
Thank you for the encouragement to “try, try again”!
We do have a pocket in our state–and even though it’s within 3 hours one direction, I haven’t made it over to that side of the state for some time!
I have started pockets over the years in our area–most of the families I was blessed to become friends with have been in our military {thank you for our freedom!} and so, do not live here for more than a couple of years….I’m not sure I have the heart to create yet another group of friends that are simply going to leave!
I have a few other friends that I’ve tried to get together with for the last few years, but I have found many of them to be: a) already *in* a group b) incredible busy with many outside activities and things c)tapped out with friendships and cocooning with their family or d) having their first kiddo and being in a different parenting phase {we have 5 ages 18-5} and I would love if my kids could have some friends!
I suppose living several miles away from a town makes it difficult to get together, but I truly love our little home in the woods, and wouldn’t move to town just to be closer.
I am trying to get up the nerve to ask a few more families at our church to come for a little lunch after Mass on Sunday…It is scary, in a manner of speaking to try something new with another group….but you are inspiring me, as well as the article by Prof. Esolen from the bits and pieces shared this weekend…
God bless you and your family…
Rachel says
I just moved away from an area with a pocket to a small town. I’d like to start a pocket here but haven’t yet as I’ve assumed there weren’t any other LMLD readers in my local area. Maybe I’m wrong…anybody in the Green Bay/Sturgeon Bay/northeastern WI area?
Leila says
oops, I left this reply to the wrong comment, meant to say Rachel —
— Remember, it’s not super likely (although it’s possible) that you’d be able to get together people who already read the blog. But you certainly could get together a few friendly people and introduce them to some of the ideas on the blog, and then they’d become kindred spirits!
We find that most moms want to talk about getting a handle on dinner and other meals, figuring out laundry, and cleaning the house without going nuts. Those are topics we’ve covered extensively! A lot of couples want to talk about giving their children the gift of purity, or about what marriage really is — ready -made topics here on the blog!
In other words, use the blog to start the conversation. You can send this page of popular posts to friends and see what they think: http://www.likemotherlikedaughter.org/popular-posts/
Cristina says
I had a pocket two duty stations ago back when I only had two children–all our kids were preschool age and under and it worked really well to have a standing weekday morning meeting. As the kids got older though, we found that we weren’t really able to have any coherent conversations. Now that my oldest two are school aged–and we are homeschooling so they are always around–a weekly morning meetup won’t work anymore. I feel awkward bringing my whole crazy brood to the pocket meetings that have popped up in my area because they seem to be mostly moms of just little ones and instead of encouraging the younger mothers I’m afraid my crowd might have the opposite effect of making them rethink their openness to life 🙂
When I was in their shoes I was desperate for community too and I cherished those weekly meetings, and really I would love to recapture that ability to sit and discuss books we had read pertinent to our vocations as wives and mothers but the idea of attempting that again in the midst of the chaos I know would ensue mostly just makes me too tired to try. Is there anyone who has successfully had pocket meetings (good discussion and all) with a wider range of children who has advice? Or tips for working pockets into the life of homeschooling families? Or is this already addressed in the older pocket posts and I just need to go re-read them?
Donna L. says
Oh Cristina! I just laughed out loud when I read: “I’m afraid my crowd might have the opposite effect of making them rethink their openness to life 🙂 ”
Too funny!
I have teens, a “tween” and a rambunctious 5 year old son….I sometimes feel that the new moms need other new moms—instead of my bunch….
Thank you for sharing
PS I just popped over to your site, and will pray for your whole family! God bless you
Leila says
Cristina, why not invite the pocket to do something that suits your own crowd, at a time that’s good for you? Like Friday afternoon park time, or a family get-together at a state park. Maybe your yard is big, and the young moms would love a time when their toddlers could toddle with a few teens in the vicinity?
In other words, make a plan that fits your bunch but includes the younger moms. You can suggest that everyone read an article or post beforehand and you can set aside a time within your meeting to discuss it — say 45 minutes while the kids play in the sand.
Or start a pocket with your homeschooling friends and figure out how to get together with the younger moms as well. Probably not all will come, but I bet some will.
There are always a few who are hungry for some guidance.
Annalisa says
Cristina,
When I had just one or two little ones I just loved spending time with mothers who had children older than mine, and I still do! Now that they are a little older and the fourth is on the way, only a couple years later, I am having to remind myself that many mothers with their first toddler in tow are desperate for a little perspective (even if it’s just gained from being with your family in all its fullness and realness) from someone who has older children, whether the kids are 5, 10 or adult. It’s probably hard for mothers of really little kids to ask if you, who are busy with more and older kids, would like to get together. Imagine them thinking of you, as I tend to, “Why would she want to spend any time with me? What do I have to offer HER?”
You may not find friends for your kids right away, but younger mothers will be grateful you befriended them!
Virginia says
Amen to that! In my mom’s group there is a woman who is 20 years older than me, with kids ranging from 21 to 2 and is the best. Had her first four kids, husband died, remarried, and then had four more. When I first met her I decided that I had to make her be my friend because I can’t even imagine the sorts of things she juggles and the kind of hardship she has had in her life and yet her kids are so awesome and she’s usually so upbeat and sweet. When she doesn’t attend the young moms get into self-pity mode but when she’s there with her brood you better believe we don’t. Also, her older kids like playing with and holding the babies, so that’s nice. I’m just glad she hasn’t abandoned us yet : )
Grace says
From my perspective as a young mom of two toddlers, having a little bit older mom with some older kids around would be encouraging to me.
If you’re concerned about how your family would affect other families’ openness to life, I think either their conviction of and dedication to “openness” needs to be reexamined, or you need to give them a little more credit for being able to see real life for what it is. If they’re sure that that is the route they are going to take, then not hiding the toughness of the route is going to be helpful in the long run to them. The chaos doesn’t take them by surprise, you know?
It’s not like on an ordinary day I even have time to read a book! Maybe bits and pieces…but sometimes it’s the bits and pieces, even in conversation, that are the most encouraging.
Becky says
Thank you for writing this…yes, it is scary to consider starting a pocket! I just moved to a new part of the country this summer, leaving my community of friends, families, and “mentors” behind. To live as intentionally and as spiritually as we try to do can feel so isolating. But being very shy, it is hard to drum up community with strangers. I am trying to overcome this, if not for my own sake then for my children’s sakes. But certainly, it is a process. Anyway, I get the point, and I especially appreciate the message from the Esolen article this weekend being “this is important, you need it, you kids need it, the world needs it – so just get going and DO IT!”.
Evelyn says
It seems as though our pocket (Fraser Valley, Canada) has been disconnected via FB. Do you, by any chance, know if it’s a link glitch? Each time I click it it goes nowhere. I didn’t “friend” any of the women but would still like trying to meet up., if possible!
Suki says
I’m not sure what happened, but the group doesn’t seem to exist anymore. Would you like to restart it?
Evelyn says
Yes.. Sounds good thank you. I will email you the link shortly.
Sarah says
I started a group in Okinawa, Japan! We aren’t listed on LMLD yet, but I think I did all of the necessary steps, with Sukie as an admin and everything. So if anyone is reading this from Okinawa, join us! 🙂
Suki says
Sorry, Sarah–I thought I’d added you before! You should be on there now!
Jessica says
Thanks for the reminder to jumpstart the pocket. It seems that so far the people interested are all a bit far from each other, and I’d hate to ask people to load up a bunch of kids and drive far. And right now my new baby hates the car 🙁 for those in active groups, how dispersed are you and how do you figure out a location to meet?
Ajda says
Dear Jessica,
this is terribly off-topic, but I really have to reply. My otherwise very sweet baby daughter HATES the car, too (for the last month or so, maybe two). Nothing seems to help. PLEASE tell me it will pass!
Greetings from across the ocean, Ajda.
Jessica says
Ajda, my toddler was the same way as a newborn but grew out of it by 6 months (luckily, because we moved from Los Angeles to Seattle then!) it will pass! 🙂
Nancy says
Thank you Deidre for your ideas-setting our meeting for the month of August.
Nancy says
Deirdre (sorry)
Anamaria says
I’ve thought about starting a St. Greg’s Pocket for Oklahoma City on Facebook for one of the reasons you mentioned- maybe someone needs to find a community (and we have one, however lose it is). But I am hesitant because I am increasingly overwhelmed at large gatherings and prefer to see friends one or two at time: baking with one friend while our children run about; discussing writing, motherhood, and pregnancy with another who is also on her first & pregnant with her second; meeting 3-4 in the evenings without kids for our women author’s book club. Any suggestions? Should I put up a pocket anyway?
Anamaria says
*loose
Deirdre says
Hi Anamaria,
Well, I’m not you and I don’t know all about your situation – but, given that, my suggestion is that you do go ahead and form the Pocket.
Remember, it’s likely to start out small and then grow gradually. If you could start up the group and host (or plan at a neutral location) a few beginning meet-ups, you could very well plant a first seed that others can then invest in and enjoy the fruits of. You’re not likely to be inundated right off the bat with any overwhelming numbers and you’re not required to any long-term commitment or mandated regularity of meeting…
And who knows? There might be someone out there in OKC who also wants what you want, but you won’t find each other without something like this!
So I say go for it. 🙂