~ Capturing the context of contentment in everyday life ~
Every Thursday, here at Like Mother, Like Daughter!
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{pretty}
{happy}
A Sunday afternoon walk by the creek, with plenty of stones and acorns for throwing into the water and a bag of cornflakes to feed the ducks.
{funny}
Clearly I need to feed my children more, since they both were chowing down on the (very stale) dry cereal the whole time.
{real}
Yesterday, on the other hand, was less picturesque. We will refer to it as “one of those days.”
We powered through and did our best, and I was feeling like we were going to make it. Dinner was simmering on the stove, there was backup dinner (aka leftovers) in the fridge in case dinner wasn't ready on time (spoiler alert: it wasn't), I'd gotten some real food into my stubborn baby, and Daddy was almost home. There's still hope for this day, I thought. Let's make a cake.
Pippo was happy to help, and we had added the flour just as Capt. P walked in the door. I turned my back for just a second, and my trusty assistant turned the mixer on. High.
The damage was indeed extensive (it would, eventually, take me most of an hour to clean up).
The poor kid was traumatized. He immediately burst into tears, and his little sister (sitting in her high chair in the middle of the kitchen, covered in her own dinner) began to cry in solidarity.
I can't say I blamed her.
It did occur to me to Instagram the scene, but as you can see, my phone is sitting there in the middle of everything, covered in flour. But I couldn't leave the scene undocumented. So I dusted Pippo off, told him not worry, grabbed my camera from the other room, and took a picture before I started to undo it all.
As I cleaned, I was explaining to my dear husband why this cake was supposed to have turned my day around, and he gently suggested that perhaps I should consider lowering my expectations for how much I can get done in a given day.
“But,” I objected (thinking of the four loads of laundry I had managed to get out of the laundry room but had not managed to fold, the unswept floor in the dining room, and everything else I'd left undone), “I think my expectations are already pretty low!”
“But maybe… they are not quite low enough,” he encouraged.
The good news is that the cake is indeed yummy, even though I think I underestimated how much flour I needed to add back in. Also, we made it with leftover roasted beets, which doesn't sound like the most promising start for a cake. But you can't argue with chocolate.
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Jessica F says
Poor Pippo!
My husband tells me that I need to lower my standards, too. I have yet to figure out how. 🙂
Tamara says
Rosie I had the exact same conversation with my husband AND spiritual director. I insisted that I was really just trying to do the minimum required of me and I still felt like I couldn’t get it all done. I was gently assured that there must be *something* I could stop doing. Anyway after a lot of prayer, I found that my low standards could get lower! But in a way that its actually good and a blessing to me and my family. So I just want to encourage you to take the Captain’s advice. I think you’ll be so glad you did.
Rosie says
Thanks, Tamara!
Annie says
I really like the part where you tell your husband everything you need to get done, and he suggests lowering your expectations, but you say your expectations are already low. This happens to me almost every Saturday. And I don’t even have children yet. Thanks for sharing. 🙂
Lorelei says
Haha! I get the “lower your expectations” talk from my husband often. I have three kids 5, 3, and 1, and one on the way. Somedays, all I can swing is damage control and food….like goldfish. I figure a few meals of goldfish occasionally won’t kill ’em!
Charlotte says
We had one of those days too, except without the flour. Your husband sounds like a very wise man.
Tamara says
I feel like I should add… Most of my prayer was in discerning where I could lower my expectations and actually be okay with it. As an example, Im a cook-from-scratch kind of girl. I knew I could lower my standard by buying pre-made foods… but I would NOT be okay with that. But I would be okay with cooking much less elaborate meals that required less of my attention. Anyway I hope that makes sense.
hope says
Rough days are hard! Anymore…I just think, if there isn’t poop or vomit involved–it will all be okay. I think my expectations have been officially lowered. Lol! Hopefully today is a better day. Hugs!
Mrs. B. says
Rosie, thanks for sharing! I have to admit that before a scene of such “destruction” (and right before dinner! And at the end of One Of Those Days!) my own kid would have gotten a classic Screaming Mother reaction (HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I SAID YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TURN THE MIXER ON WITHOUT MEEEEE!!!!!!!!) Or maybe I would have joined in the crying party… A laugh would be such a healthier reaction!
I get a Saint quote every day in my email, and today’s is so appropriate: “God places more value on goodwill in all we do, then on the works themselves.” (St. Lawrence Justinian)
I tell myself that it must not be an excuse for laziness, or for not caring, or for only doing what I like best and forget about the rest – rather, what is the good of trying to get to the end of the to-do list if I become so stressed-out to be unkind to those I love?
I’m another case of wife married to a kind husband encouraging me to lower expectations, and I protest just the way you do, too! It’s quite unbelievable to me how patient our husbands can be…
Anyway, at least the cake was a success!
Barbara says
I would love to get that Saint quote of the day. Could you be kind enough to send me the website.?
Thanks, BarbaraJuneau7@gmail.com
Elizabethe says
Ditto.post it in comments.
Mrs. B. says
Sure, ladies! Go here: http://wordofgodeveryday.com/ You’ll receive a Bible verse and a related Saint quote – it’s always the first email I read, just to start my Internet time the right way 🙂
Lisa G. says
If you could find a couple of cake recipes that don’t require the mixer, that would make these spur of the moment cakes go much more smoothly, I think.
Rosie says
Lisa, I almost never mix up my cakes in the Kitchenaid, even though it lives on my counter. But I did it yesterday because I thought it would be simpler.
Obviously, that worked well.
Lisa G. says
Oh, gosh – we’ve all had so many of those “oh, it will be just nothing to quickly do this”! And then it all comes crashing down. Why do we do that? Anyway, you certainly have my sympathy! 🙂
Julie says
Been there, done that! I always overestimate what I can do and underestimate how much little people can undo, and it’s particularly frustrating when you approach something with good intentions. Glad you were able to take pictures. (I’ve learned from experience to keep the mixer unplugged until the last moment).
Annie says
Hahahaha! I’ve been there. Thank you for stopping to take the photo before you began the clean up!
Heather says
I am in the middle of one of those days. I just discovered that my brilliant, slow-cooker dinner has just been sitting for 4 hours rather than cooking. Back-up dinner plans would be useful right about now…
Rosie says
Oh no! I hope things start looking up soon!
ann says
This may be late for today, but I have found that most any crockpot meal can be transferred into a dutch oven, baked for an hour or so at 350 and come out to be pretty decent.
Jennie C. says
Love the picture of Pippo with the flower, and yes, you can always do less! 😉 Some days, you just need to walk away. Literally. Just leave the house and the mess and go do something else. Hope today is a better day!
Tamara says
I need to remember that! 🙂
Jennie C. says
Me, too. 🙂 My husband retired from the Army two years ago and since he’s been home full time, I’ve lost my ability to be spontaneous and just GO when I need to! I’m working hard to get that back.
Julie says
Rosie, I think you handled your “one of those days” with much more grace than I did mine. (Linked.) You baked a cake to turn your day around and I used an overflowing glass of water to show my boys that I couldn’t take anymore! Clearly, I have some learning to do. 😉
Martha says
I’m impressed you took a picture! In those moments, I always want to sit down and cry myself – seeing the hilarity enough to take a picture can escape me, especially in these hormonal months (18 weeks along)!
Rosie says
I hear you. And honestly, I was very tempted (and I’m not going to say there were NO tears that evening…). But at a certain point I feel like I have to cap the number of people crying in my kitchen at once, especially when my poor husband just walked in the door after a long day of work! 🙂
Elizabethe says
Awesome!
My husband is getting at the same lesson for me but he always recommends to make sure I do what’s needful for the home, like, the dishes or laundry or basic tidying, before starting a “feel-good” project.
Usually it turns out what I needed to feel good was to do something needful for the home.
Husbands are pretty wise sometimes.
Faith says
Rosie, I know it wasn’t the intent of this post, but we are all swooning! What a love story. Ah, dreamy Captain P. 😉
Rosie says
Yup – he’s a keeper, all right! 🙂
Elizabeth says
have you seen this? http://www.conversiondiary.com/2014/03/the-secret-to-not-being-overwhelmed.html
I think it may be in line with what your husband was trying to tell you.
I felt the same yesterday (ok and today) about so many things undone.
Kathy@9peas says
This post reminds me of how much I absolutely detested the poem about cobwebs and dishes waiting because babies don’t. I remember thinking, well who is going to get to those dishes and that laundry if I don’t and being completely frustrated at my lack of ability to ‘do it all’. I realized that at some point it wasn’t the lowering of standards or expectations that mattered but the letting go of being able to do it all – you can’t. Every day, do your best and somethings will get done, count it as victory and some things won’t, do NOT count this as defeat just accept it and move on. I had to learn to be detached from a lot of the mess that came with raising children and my perfectionist tendencies. Above everything do not let yourself become a martyr to motherhood which is what I think of when I remember the Screwtape letters and how Satan deceives us with our ‘good’ intentions which eventually lead us astray from our primary goal – Happy Family.
Your children are so adorable, you must know deep down inside what a great job you and the Captain are doing!
Rosie says
Thank you, Kathy – you’re very encouraging!
Bethanne says
Perhaps a “long” view is helpful, too. When I think back to when all my children were very little and I was really responsible for almost everything, what was reasonable to expect of myself is very different than what I can do today–and now I have lots of help from my family. In parent age, you are only as old as your oldest, Pippo. What can he reasonably do? You are very careful to make sure he doesn’t do things that are too much for him, or so difficult or complicated he’ll surely fail. We mothers should practice such wisdom with ourselves. You’re still little! Be easy on yourself.
Rosie says
Thanks for the encouragement, Bethanne!
Ngofamilyfarm says
Your kind and wise words really spoke to me today (and yours did, too, Rosie!) Thank you both for sharing them. I have a 3 yr old, 1 yr old, and a newborn, and some days are just really HARD!
-Jaime
Mary says
Oh, the mixer. Yes, except I’M usually the one who does it forgetting EVERY TIME to cover it with a towel before mixing in the flour! (FYI, that plastic cap they sell doesn’t work!) Good for you for laughing at it…that’s a grace right there 🙂
Ginger says
I disagree. It isn’t a matter of high or low only that we change our expectation of doing anything perfectly. I noticed that you mentioned that your cake was yummy, but then hastened to say something negative about amount of flour…..
Life is a mess, but it is a beautiful mess isn’t it. Wasn’t your “One of those days” better than the lower expectation day that you could have done more “perfectly.” Didn’t that scene make you laugh out loud?
These are the days that are more enjoyable. Christ did not come in the flesh so that we could lower our expectations and live plain and boring life. It was so that we could make a cake and have it too. He came so that we could enjoy his creation, in spite of our inability to accomplish our high expectations.
We live boldly as if we can do it all, knowing all the while that we can’t do it all, he already did. The already and the not yet is the tension we live in during our life on earth .
Rosie says
To be honest, it really wasn’t a particularly enjoyable day. It was an exhausted, whiny, hard day. Which is not to say that it wasn’t a good day in the grand scheme of things – hopefully it helped me to grow in grace, if nothing else! But the reality is that sometimes we have exhausted days, and we do our best with them.
I’m grateful to have a husband who can see beyond the mess to help me keep my eyes on what we *have* accomplished in terms of our mission of building and raising a family.
He agrees this should include cake whenever possible (though he prefers his without beets).
DeirdreLMLD says
Ginger, maybe it’s just that you don’t know Rosie or you read this in a certain way… But this post was really her way to find the humor and joy even in a rotten day! (Which is part of the point of the {real} category, anyway.) I laughed out loud at her retelling of it, even though I understood that, at the time, it must have been hard for her to bear it and avoid complaints!
Ginger says
We are made in God’s image and since we are we have the need to create something. Life can’t all be hinged on getting the laundry done, and dishes done, and everything in it’s place. Have you ever seen a mature vegetable garden?…..pretty isn’t the word one would describe it with.
Elizabethe says
No of course not, but it’s hard to live life if there’s nothing to wear and everyone is hungry and there’s nothing to cook with.
Basic stuff must be attended to. It’s a balance.
stclementmom says
Some say “lowering standards,” some say “strategic reassessing of the actual task at hand.” Potato, potahto. 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing that. The flour photo will resonate with so many – it captures what our lives are really like.
Lisa G. says
Yes – lowering standards really means just being more realistic about what you can accomplish. Many of us are not so good at that – and it partly stems from that “I Am Woman” baloney from a few decades ago. (other things, too.)
Maurisa says
Oh my! Such cute photos of your little ones by the creek. Mine would have been eating stale cereal, too. Weirdos. Oh dear, the cake baking mess. I often feel so terrible for not allowing my little ones to help in the kitchen more. I just haven’t been graced with that kind of patience. I wonder if it’s just better that I don’t invite them rather than become anxious over the inevitable spills. Ah, motherhood.
Becky says
Rosie, I have now lived in this house for a little over 2.5 months and have yet to vacuum (and I soooo should). That sweeping a room even made it to your list is impressive!
Mary Virginia says
Oh my gosh! That cake situation is totally me… my expectations are basically always too high… even when they’re low! It reminds me of the photo contest, “Don’t get mad- Get the camera!” I should put that on my chalkboard. 🙂
Sara says
I’m way past this point in my child-rearing, but I still try to do too much. I think it’s because what we do is so nebulous—hard to grasp and ever-changing—that it’s not measurable. If it’s evident that we accomplished a lot, then it’s a good day! Maybe a better idea is to find out what your husband’s minimum standards are (assuming he’s not applying too much pressure for perfection!) and start there. My husband just wanted dinner on the table; he didn’t really care about the clutter everywhere that bothered me. It would have been nice to know that when I was breaking my back trying to have dinner ready AND the house clean when he got home. So ask him. 🙂
elizabethe says
This is so true. When I get to this point in my day (most days) and I start some crazy project (I will now catalog all my pantry items! I will bake some bread!) it’s usually out of the feeling that I need to be in control of SOMETHING and since my original plans failed, and the children are clearly not in my control, I’m going to pick something else.
I find my husband’s standards to be much more reasonable than mine, even when it seems like he is being unreasonable. When I follow what he wants, I usually wind up doing a lot less work than I thought I needed to. I remember when I was breaking my back trying to keep the house clean to what I thought were his standards and still not succeeding and he finally just made me a daily cleaning/chore list and I looked at it and said “that’s it?” And following it was so easy. For me, when I get smacked with one of these lessons it’s always like a big sign saying “Give up control! Trust in God and trust your husband to be the way God speaks to you!”
polly says
Those pink shoes are darling. Do they make adult sizes???
As soon as I read “I baked a cake” I laughed. And laughed. I knew what was coming, in some form or another, because I have SO turned to baking (or painting, or cleaning-out-closets) as a help for a rotten day. And it usually turns on me. But the best thing to do is to find the humor, as I believe you did, and sigh at the end of the day….looking forward to a fresh new one!
Oh, anyone with small children has so been there and done that. I love how relatable this PHFR post is. 😉
Ann says
Well, “no comment” on the lowering expectations. My sweet hunk of a man has much higher expectations than I, but he is huge in helping out so that we are in shooting distance of them.
I did want to say that the Rosary Flip book I ordered because of the blog post on here about them arrived today. Thanks for making me aware of such a product! My 7 yr old begs me to say the Rosary with him every night because then he doesn’t have bad dreams and he can help get some poor souls into Heaven. He’ll LOVE it (Christmas present).
Virginia says
Heehee. I was making pumpkin bars with my 2.5 year old a couple days ago. She was helpfully and carefully stirring the batter when my mom called. I turned around to answer the phone and in the space of about 20 seconds, if not less, half of the batter was smeared all over her and the other half was on the floor. The crawling baby was literally swimming in it, cackling, totally in heaven, and the toddler was shouting, “She likes it! She likes it!”
Rosie says
Lol. This is an amazing mental image. I’m sure it was a terrible mess, of course. But hilarious.
Woman of the House says
So sorry for the mess! We’ve all had those kinds of days and lived to tell about them. Someday you will laugh . . . 🙂