Title: Little Britches: Father and I Were Ranchers
Author: Ralph Moody
File Under: Read Aloud, Kids' Problems
Many times when I'm thinking about the question of discipline, I think of this book. And since I often recommend it to parents, I thought I'd put it here in the Library Project for posterity's sake.
What we're all lacking in this day of experts is role models. We get a lot of advice on what to do — and I'd say that most of it is based on unrealistic scenarios and assumptions — and very little observation of actual families facing hardships, yet making it through. For us, for better or for worse, the right books are our real guides.
So, while Little Britches is high on the list of great reads for the kids — and especially for boys — I'd say that it will benefit Mom and Dad just as much or even more. Take this book and use it to ponder what it is that we are trying to give our children.
Many parenting and discipline decisions that are made are based on the idea that we will be there to protect and shelter our children, cushioning them from the blows of life with our concern and — even if we don't acknowledge it — with our prosperity. We assume that we can shield them with riches.
Our culture is one of developing our children's talents through activities, not of developing their characters by helping them overcome difficulties using their own resources.
Thus, we don't really demand much of them — except something actually really almost impossibly unrealistic, which is that we get through the day with everyone being “nice” and with few disruptions!
But if instead we think of giving our children self control and real awareness of others' needs, we will approach the whole question very differently. And if we consider whether they would make it in conditions of hardship, we see that it's not a bad thing to require a lot of them.
Just today I was reading about a highly successful man who grew up in a town near Boston. His little bio included the information that he lived in an old farmhouse, “where everything was broken.” At the age of eight he was expected to get up early to torch the pipes, warming them up if there was ice in them, literally welding in a new piece if they had burst.
If I hadn't read Little Britches I would boggle at this story. (The man looks like he's my age, so this isn't about the distant past.) But Little Britches had a job at the same age herding cows out of a neighbor's field all day, for which he earned a quarter, as I remember.
Could your eight year old do any of this? Could the fact that you can't even imagine him, say, working be at the root of behavioral problems you are having? In other words, is it that we expect so little of our children the cause of how aggravating they are? We don't want to have to spank a child, we can't get a child to obey, we don't expect a child to contribute anything substantive. Our children grow up to be big babies. Look around — where are the manly men?
To readjust your perspective, just read this book, which is based on the life of the author (much in the same way the Little House books are based on Laura's life — so you could think of it as a similar series of books particularly for boys). It contains so much wisdom about how a young boy reaches manhood, growing in responsibility and the knowledge that on his shoulders falls the protection of the family. This is because his father dies in this very book — so do read it before you read it out loud to your young ones, lest you grieve them too early. It's sad, but it's wonderful as well; the fatherhood of this man who leaves the stage midway in the story palpably influences his son — and the reader.
The process involved in becoming a man isn't something that women grasp very easily. Ralph's mother has a little trouble with it as well, but her unity with her husband stands her in good stead. (She learns as she goes, just as we do. It's really very edifying.)
You will be instructed by their silence. With very little overt communication (as experienced by their son, the narrator), these two understand their own roles, their authority, and their children's need for the stability of their authority. Pay careful attention to how Ralph's father seems to know what is bothering Ralph without a lot of intrusive talk. He gets to the heart of the matter every time, instinctively relying on his place as father, and then he leaves Ralph to figure things out on his own.
Parents today desperately need this book (and the others by Moody). Like so many wonderful children's books, they teach us adults more than we imagine!
What is the Like Mother, Like Daughter Library Project?
Lindsey says
Thanks for the recommendation! Our library system doesn’t have this, so I’ll have to search elsewhere for a copy. One of my favourite books growing up was Farmer Boy, which I think reads along somewhat of the same lines. I love how Almanzo’s father left him to figure out how to get his team of oxen and load of wood out of the snow by himself!
You said, “Our culture is one of developing our children’s talents through activities, not of developing their characters by helping them overcome difficulties using their own resources.” I think this is so true. It is hard for a culture to encourage character development when there is no recognized, authoritative standard of truth and morality.
I recently had the pleasure of reading Robert Roberts’ “The House Servant’s Directory” (published in Boston in 1828!), which was a guide for servants of wealthy families – think Downton Abbey! What struck me amidst all the fascinating minutia of table setting and mahogany polishing instructions were the admonitions to good character.
“Remember, my young friends, that your character is your whole fortune through life; therefore you must watch over it incessantly, to keep it from blemish or stain ; for without character it is useless to seek after any respectable service whatever.”
Lindsay says
We love Ralph Moody. The later books with the mother develop her character even more, and as I read the series, she quickly became my favorite literary mother. I love the story of her gathering the children around to hook a rug while they all recite their parts for Juilius Caesar, when they all read Dickens on Christmas Eve, and how she always has the perfect poem to recite for an occasion. I wish I had that roulades in my own mind to pass down such a legacy. But some of my favorite mother stories are from Emma and Company, which she is more central to the story, and her exploits and efforts to make a home of a real fixer-upper with limited resources are so inspiring as a homemaker! Funny and relatable, they make her a little more human to me than Ma. Just love this series!
Joana says
Dear Leila,
I enjoyed this post immensely! In fact, even though I’m not reading it to the kids since there is sadly no translation in Portuguese, I have just ordered it for myself. I think this is perhaps just the book I need right now for some parenting inspiration.
Also, the kids loved “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe”, so thank you once again. Hopefully, we’ll start “Prince Caspian” this evening.
Jennifer Buckley says
Thank you for posting your review on this book. I find it very difficult to relate to a lot of other parents out there because there seems to be a real decline in the expectations of our children, and for the most part children are behaving in accords with what their parents perceive as ‘good enough’. I watch the generations more and more pacify instead of require hard work and I have seen when parents expect great things of their children the children produce. Conversely, parents whose attitudes fall under ‘ kids will be kids’ raise children who produce no more than the cavalier attitudes their parents used when raising them. It’s cyclical and harming society as a whole. I love the Do Hard Things book and blog where teens are trying to influence other teens to break the cycle of society’s low expectations of them. Love your blog!
Rayna says
I agree, Jennifer! I share your perspective despite how much our family still, of course, struggles to behave in a dignified way. We are far, far, from the ideal, but still always trying!
Our culture is so child-centric and increasingly more casual – from the way that we dress in public to the way that we allow children to address adults (when I was young, it was only Mr. and Mrs. Last Name, not Miss First Name, now ubiquitous). I would love to see less of the cavalier attitude of which you speak and more accountability on both parent and child.
When I taught public high school, I always noticed that the most obnoxious children oftentimes had the rudest, most enabling and “entitled” parents. The best behaved kids who knew how to talk to adults – rather than always challenging them – had parents who instilled values such as honestly and integrity. They also reinforced the idea that life isn’t always fair and that one works around that (rather than confront every injustice head-on and loudly).
So – not cavalier, and not too in-your-face. Those are my goals as I try to raise children who will hopefully contribute to society instead of simply asking for what they think is their share.
It certainly is a struggle, on a macro level, but also most definitely for me, on a micro level too. I can be horribly bratty and 21st century young mother, unfortunately. But at least there’s a goal in mind, a standard, and I’m half inclined to think that Leila would say, “Well, at least it’s a start.” (At least I hope so!)
Anyway…thank you, Leila, and Jennifer: I’m with you!
Betsy M says
Leila, I purchased this book last year (as per your recommendation) and absolutely loved it. However, my Dad died shortly thereafter and I cannot bring myself to read it aloud to my kids as the end is still just to sad for me. I borrowed it to my MIL who thought it so good she recommended and borrowed it to all of her friends. I have the other books in the series on order right now to someday read to my children but in the meantime to borrow to MIL. 🙂 This is definitely a book for all generations.
Leila says
Betsy, so sorry about your dad. May his memory be eternal.
Yes, this part is heart-wrenching.
Kelley says
I read Little Britches and the next few in the series, based on your recommendation. I love them!
They do seem like a boy Little House on the Prarie which I also love.
While it was extremely interesting to see the way they lived and the things the boy learnsafter moving to the country, my favorite part was seeing the discipline part of the story. It seems like you don’t see that now. .. Natural consequences, high expectations paired with love, understanding. Great books!
Laura Jeanne says
Thank you so much. I was just about to put through an order to Amazon today, and I am adding this book to it. It sounds wonderful.
Rebecca says
Thank you for this suggestion. Can you recommend any other books specifically for mothers on how to raise a son to be manly. I know my husband will have the main responsibility here, but how can I help?
Leila says
Rebecca, there are others, but start here. Mothers help by letting their sons have a good relationship with their dads!
And that is what this book demonstrates so well.
Rozy says
We have loved Ralph Moody’s books for many years. I have read all eight of his biographical novels to our four boys. He has plenty of non-fiction out there too, which are just as good. I highly recommend these books to parents who want to develop character in themselves and their children. The Fields of Home, where Ralph is sent to live with his grandfather in Maine is one of my favorites.
Catherine says
We love the whole ‘Little Britches’ series. I’m not sure I can pick a favorite, they are all so good. Living on a ranch and doing some of the same things, milking cows, etc. my seven boys really relate to him. I love the ‘character house’ example in the first book and have even used it with my kids.
Lindsey says
One of my favorite school-days memories is sitting in a circle with my fifth-grade classmates, passing around a giant box of Kleenex while our teacher read aloud the final chapters of Little Britches to us. I haven’t read it again since I’ve become a parent, but after this post I’m bumping it to the top of my to-read list!
Carol Kennedy says
Auntie Leila, reading your words makes me want to read the again and finish the series!
My husband and I have both read little britches and I have read the next two as well. My soon (now 9) has listened to the audio version of the first two and has loved them. I have also really enjoyed the audio versions.
Carol Kennedy says
I meant my SON not my soon. 🙂
Kate says
I’m wondering if part of the “lack of manliness” isn’t the way we live, our environments, not just parenting. We’re fortunate to live on five acres, have animals, a fixer house (OK, that’s not lucky) and not much money. There is always a lot that needs to be done and the boys (and my husband) learn the skills to do what needs to be done. I grew up on acreage and with a family business. My parents always needed help and my siblings and I worked in the family business from the time we could read until we left for college. The economic structure since the great move off the land to office and factory jobs is that boys are separated from their father’s work. They don’t see what he does. There is no economic necessity – as there was in the Ingalls’ and Moody’s day – to work or starve. I really admire Ralph’s mother in the last book; but it’s necessity and her sense of dignity that builds the family character. It’s not like she had much choice and her lack of choices shaped their life. I know many moms who are at their wits end about what to do with their boys. They live in a typical suburban home. They usually put boys into sports programs or various activities to keep them busy and out of their hair. While those can offer challenges, they are usually more entertainment and not for the benefit of the family (except to keep mom sane). They know that’s not enough, but they don’t have many options and dad’s mostly gone. So what’s the solution? I think it’s great to read these books, but as parenting guides one can be left with the feeling of “so how does that apply to my completely different life?”
Leila says
Kate, I agree with your assessment, of course. The issue, I think, is simply not having a clue that there is another way of living. Even those in a suburb can figure out a way to involve their kids in real work — if they have an inkling that it’s a way. As I’ve written elsewhere (about John Taylor Gatto’s book), growing up in a small city can be a great way for a child to develop. It’s not really about rural life (although the cows might not be a factor).
I think that most people simply don’t think of their kids the way the parents in the books do. Everything we do involves choices that are based on our goals and our role models. I think the books help clarify what those might be!
Parents need to learn to pray for discernment. It isn’t about experts telling us what to do. It’s about digging into our God-given resources *as* parents and doing our best to shape our families accordingly, given our exact situation. But how will we know to do that if we don’t… know the possibilities?
Elisa says
I am struggling a lot in this area lately… As a young mom of little ones, I have always kept these role models in the back of my mind, the wise moms in literature, and the wise older moms, ignoring all the modern advice. However, despite having the idea that another way is indeed possible, I find it so hard to put it in practice… Not so much because of different external conditions, but because of well… The Children! I think I know what to do but they don’t exactly respond the way the children in the books did… Did moms of the past hear so much whining, so much talking back, and so on? It doesn’t seem so… I cannot even imagine some of the older moms I know dealing with the rudeness some children of today show, including mine sometimes. And methods like spankings, skipping dinner, going to bed early, etc.. don’t always seem to work anymore. Of course this is not a reason to stop pursuing something good and true, but it is discouraging, at least it is for me. I know we are not supposed to seek affirmation, but it seems to me that it’s getting really difficult to be perceived as authoritative and I think this was key in the past…
Leila says
Elisa, human nature is the same. What’s different is how we spend our time, and how today we constantly look at our kids to see how they’re doing, reacting, etc.
If we were busier and had more challenges of our own (whether against the forces of nature outside of us or from some creative endeavor that arises from within), we’d be better off.
Less time just focusing on the kids!
Virginia says
I’m reminded of the Russian imperial family, who had their children sleep on hard cots without pillows and were expected to clean their rooms and spend their leisure time knitting for charity so they could build character and empathize a little with their subjects.
Virginia says
Or, speaking of entitled children who were raised to be uber-manly–the Spartans! Have your kids read Plutarch’s Life of Lycurgus and watch their eyes bug out of their heads. I’m not sure their parenting methods were particularly Christian but you know… still totally awesome. Or how about this example of Viking parenting from Egil’s Saga: 11-year-old Egil is mocked by an older boy, so he finds a battle-axe and goes back and kills him. He’s worried what his parents’ reaction will be when they find out but “Skallagrim [his father] seemed indifferent to what had happened, but Bera [his mother] said he had the makings of a true Viking when he was old enough to be put in command of warships [which, by the way, was about age 12]. ” Also, not particularly Christian (!) but yowza.
Elisa says
Wow… Extreme, and no, does not sound Christian at all 🙂
Kelly says
I enjoyed this post and the thoughtful comments. “At the age of eight he was expected to get up early to torch the pipes, warming them up if there was ice in them, literally welding in a new piece if they had burst.” “…Could your eight year old do any of this?” I think you are on to something here. My father’s dad died when he was twelve. He was sent to stay on a ranch and was expected to round up cattle on horseback for DAYS at a time by himself. If he didn’t make it back to camp, he would sleep under the stars. Days could go by before he would see another person. To this day, he sites his time on the ranch as what helped develop character, work ethic, and grit. All of the men that stayed there for any length of time grew into highly successful individuals. All of them recognized the lessons learned on the ranch as foundational to their success.
Donna L. says
I was inspired to comment about your post- and, I too, wonder what would happen if we had a Ranch to send our young men to for training and bringing up with character.
But, as idyllic as that may sound, my 12 year old son wouldn’t have the first clue about how to saddle a horse, much less ride one to round up cattle–and in a way, that’s quite a loss. {I don’t have any skills in that set, either}
On the other hand, I don’t see any long-term use for those skills, so to me, it’s not a loss.
Instead I am in the hope that I can get him to work on, and hone his “people skills” and I ask him to help the neighbors down the street with chopping and stacking wood {when we are doing our own} and building or fixing things…but what we lack, and what I am longing for, are PALS for him that aren’t constantly plugged in to and playing video and computer games…do those young men exist? Where have they all gone?
Kelly says
He certainly learned an unusual skill set. It is interesting to note that as soon as he got out of the service in ’68 he moved his new family to one of the houses on the ranch. Only when my mother couldn’t handle the isolation anymore did they move. As soon as he could, he leased land so his children would have an opportunity to learn how to work! We laugh about it now. But obviously, it has had a positive long lasting effect on all of us. I can’t replicate his experience either, nor would I want to thank you very much 😉 But my children do have animals that they are responsible for. Their chores have always been more than their peers. I expect a lot out of them because I respect and value them. We read unabridged classics like the ones already mentioned and that is as close as I can get…no video games in this house 😉 We too want to know where the other children are…..
Hafsa says
I just added the book to my mason wish list and might be asking my husband if it’s in the budget to order this book sooner rather than later. I completely agree with everything you said in this post and am quite guilty of being that “teaching through activities” mom. I am slowly figuring out that making my children happy all the time is impossible and hardwork is inevitable. We are beginning to hold our children (all under four) accountable for cleaning up toys and clearing dishes and it actually works! Your posts like this are so inspiring. Please don’t ever stop blogging and I would absolutely buy any book on parenting you wrote.
Hafsa says
*Amazon* not Mason.
Dixie says
I have not yet finished the book, so take this with a grain of salt, but although I loved the story and the characters, there were actually a couple of things about the discipline that didn’t seem like good ideas to me.
First, that the boys don’t seem to respond to spankings; they just keep on keepin’ on with disobeying. (Now, I know that this has to be seen over the long term, so it doesn’t mean it wasn’t having any effect…but still. I’m bothered by this not because I’m against spanking per se, but because I don’t see it working as a model in this book.)
Second, I don’t like that the father “fakes” a spanking (makes it look to the mother as if he is giving a spanking, but is actually holding his hand in such a way so as to not cause any pain to the boy). I appreciate that the father understands the son, but I don’t like that he should have this sort of secret with him — seems like the parents are not being a united front, that the father is not supporting the mother in this case, but has chosen to deceive her with the boy’s knowledge (this bothers me, especially) rather than working it out with her. The special relationship between father and son shouldn’t involve undermining the mother, you know?
I’d love to hear what you think of these two things in the greater context of the books as models for discipline and family living.
Dixie says
(I just want to be clear that this comment is not about spanking in general — I’ve read your thoughts on it of course, Leila, and it seems a reasonable technique to me — but just the book as a model.)
Leila says
Dixie, I think that the reader needs to take this book in the spirit it’s offered (in the world and here in particular) — not as a how-to manual but as a story. I agree with your points, but…
The fact that it’s a true story makes the issues you point out features rather than bugs, in my opinion — isn’t it consoling to know that you don’t have to be perfect?? Yes, they made mistakes, weren’t perfect, and were on a learning curve of their own. But in the end, they had a life worth living — moral, productive, and even creative.
My thought is that it’s good for us to see where the human spirit can go… and to step out of our own narrow conception of what constitutes family life and what a child is capable of.
Dixie says
That makes sense to me. It is not their imperfections and mistakes but their whole attitude that makes them a strong family.
Leila says
Yes, Dixie — I think that if this book were pure fiction, the episodes you describe would be deal breakers. But as it’s real, I think it’s actually helpful to us. We are not meant to do everything perfectly, making no mistakes. We are simply meant to hold fast to the important things, doing our best.
Margo, Thrift at Home says
I have a dim memory of reading this book as a child. Thanks for the recommendation.
By the way (and this should probably go on the Penrod post itself), I did go back and re-read my Penrod and Sam book. I do think it’s a little bit racist, but not enough to take it off my shelf. Just enough that I would like to talk with my children when I find them reading the book or showing interest in it. It’s a funny book, and Herman and Verman are minor parts of it.
Josie says
I just finished this last night. Loved every minute of it, my husband read it just before I did and I’m ever so happy to have found Ralph Moody! I feel very eager to see how Mame gets on now without Father. I did not see the ending coming-so sad! As an aside, in case it helps anyone else, my husband and I are reading Thomas Jefferson Ed’s list of classics as we both need a brushing up. I was struggling to read anything but non-fiction, which has its place, but I really felt something lacking in my “life comprehension” and knew that the key was in these books (thanks to you, Auntie Leila!) So far, Anne of G. G., The Chosen, Little Britches, then we are on to The Lonesome Gods and Laddie and I tell you, worlds have opened up for me in understanding life! Those five books are the first step, then there are more steps (read the Declaration f Independence then 5 more classics, then more). We are swapping and doing it together so we have someone to discuss with. Just throwing it out there, as the process has been even more enjoyable than I imagined, and it’s nice to follow a program like that as it is helping us stay on track.
Charlotte in OK says
I just borrowed the audio version from our library and my son is listening away. We live on a ranch and he relates to the boy.