Lent is tricky.
Sometimes it sneaks up on you real quick, early in February, when somehow there is still Christmas candy that you are ready to throw your body over to protect from anyone taking away from you. You hardly have put the decorations away and here is this penitential season staring you in the face, daring you to come up with something, anything, to give up, quick, before you wake up and it's Holy Week.
Sometimes Lent takes its time and you wonder when it's going to start already. That's this year. I've noticed that sermons hereabouts have been referencing it for weeks, which sort of annoys me a little. (I would not make it in the Byzantine tradition, obviously.)
I'd like to be left alone with my desserts as long as possible without a lot of looming pre-game admonitions, thank you very much.
Nevertheless, the moment of reckoning has come.
I'm quite sure that you are on top of it, especially given all this extra time to prepare, and have your penances and spiritual growth activities all lined up.
But if not — if perchance even this year's long build-up has left you still uncertain what you ought to do to take advantage of the coming slog opportunity — maybe I can offer a suggestion or two.
First: The Overarching Principle:
Live your Lent, don't worry about watching yourself experience it, or for that matter, looking for signs that your children are experiencing it.
You are and they are — if you live it.
Only later, looking back, will you realize what the experience was. That's because experience is primarily the result of the memory of the event, which, of course, you must live before you can remember.
I wrote about living Lent in this post, so I will let you brush up on that. I am starting a board on Pinterest for simple ways to give your children work to do this Lent so they can be thinking about it too, although I caution against activity for its own sake. Choose only work that is beautiful and promotes contemplation and virtuous habits.* You can follow my “icon corner” board on Pinterest. I hope this will hold you until the book comes out [edited to say: this is the book!] — but this Lent may be a good time to think about a prayer table for your family to bring the Liturgical Year into the home. The book will explain how to do it…
But not long ago, as I was thinking of what would be good for young mothers to give up, a cloud parted, a heavenly beam of light shone upon me, and God spoke.
Not really, but I did have two random thoughts for you of what you might want to try this Lent to get good habits that will stand you in good stead.
1. Don't take your phone to bed with you.
I know that the phone has an alarm clock in it. But I am going to suggest that you buy an actual alarm clock and leave the phone (or tablet) in the kitchen.
Here's the thing. You need to collect your thoughts when you go to bed. You need to wind down mentally, and what's really lovely is if you can have your last thought be one of God — even a simple one like imagining that you are in the little home in Bethlehem when Jesus has been put to bed. I know from experience on the road, where I do use my phone as an alarm, that it's just hard to stop checking social media last thing at night. It's hard to detach.
First thing in the morning, a good habit is to be thankful for waking up! Greet the Lord! However, I know that it's just very tempting to check one's email or Facebook rather than jump out of bed and get the morning routine going. So as much as it's just for convenience to have it there by the bed, it's … not the same thing. As not having it there.
And then there is waking up at night with the baby.
I get it. You wake up to nurse the baby and it's something to do. It doesn't wake your husband up the way turning on a light to read a book does. You can check in on Twitter to see if your friends who are nursing their babies are on there, or what the latest outrage is.
However, it's a little inconsistent to fret that you have no time during the day to just think, and then equip yourself with your little distraction machine at night. Right?
And baby can't settle down because of a basic physical reality, which is that as you are reading everyone's maddening posts, your breathing is getting shallow and quick and your heart rate is rising. When you sleepily nurse the baby with no mental stimulation added to the mix, your breaths are rhythmic and deep, you yourself begin to doze off, and baby gets the idea that sleep is where it's at. Apart from the deeper benefits of the bonding that takes place in those first months when it's just you, baby, and the silent darkness, there is a practical reason not to have that light shining in his face and your mind racing with all the trivial matters that overwhelm you during the day too.
I think one reason God made little infants to wake up in the middle of the night is so that their moms can have some contemplative time.
Don't get me wrong — I'm not writing off the connections that the device affords. I'm just saying, maybe Lent is a good time to put this limit on things: that at night, you will be fasting from them.
2. The second thing I'm going to suggest is to pick the chore that seems like the numero uno example of drudgery in your life — the thing that you avoid like heck and make excuses about — and be determined to get good at it.
Is it figuring out what is for dinner?
Is it getting to the bottom of your own bedroom?
Is it something else, known only to you?
Better than sacrifices, better than burnt offerings, will be, in the sight of the Lord, your cheerful determination to tackle a duty of yours and master it. You have about 20 hours to figure it out. See if there is something.
I know, these aren't immensely impressive Lenten practices. Where is the hard bed in the cold stone room? Where is the bread and water? Sackcloth? Ashes? But maybe one of these little steps will result in a fruitful Lent for you. See what you think.
*Edited to add that I have uploaded a Stations of the Cross work for children. The idea is to let them think about the station (you can read the account of the Passion before doing this work) and make their own drawing — anything from a cross to a symbol to a complete picture is fine. The verse and response for them to print out and learn is of course “V/ We adore thee O Christ and we bless thee: R/ For by thy holy cross thou hast redeemed the world.” By the time they write that out three times they will know it!
There is also a Lenten Rule (if you print this out on two sides of the paper it will make a booklet that keeps the resolutions private).
Tomorrow we will announce the winners of the Narnia book giveaways, so this is your last chance to enter! Leave a comment by clicking over to this post.
Lisa Rose says
” numero uno example of drudgery in your life — the thing that you avoid like heck and make excuses about”… You got me – it’s vacuuming! I never thought of that as a penitential offering but it sure would be one [can’t stand the racket, am very good at just never looking down 😉 ]. Excellent suggestion.
Donna L. says
Hi Lisa Rose!
I felt the same way–something about the tone of my high-pitched creaky old vacuum just made me cringe and want to run away! Until I got earplugs…now I can do anything!
Lisa Rose says
Earplugs! I never thought of that. Thanks for sharing, Donna. 🙂
Theresa says
Stopped over from Jenny’s pin on Pinterest. This is a wonderful article and I really look forward to reading your ideas and the book you are coming out with.
I sooooo wish I could leave the phone downstairs. It IS my alarm clock but even more, I take call for a work a few nights a week and that is my *beeper* so to speak. I don’t have social media but I can sure check my email and it is a temptation…I agree. I had to get off Twitter because of it. I also have two…almost three…adult children in various stages of college and I do get those 11:30 pm texts sometimes dropping me a note : )
I think I need to tackle the dinner menu…I am so slacking in that area. The duties can be the penance…chosen by God, not us!
Wishing you a grace filled Lent ~ Theresa
Mary says
Ahhh Thankyou. I’m amazed at how well you can pinpoint what I need to change, and so delicately. Thankyou!
Stephanie says
Wow, it’s like you read my mind today! I’ve given up social media entirely before, but that’s not really practical right now, for various reasons. However, I usually take my laptop to bed while I nurse the baby down for the night, and have decided to give that up. I complain that I don’t have time to read (you know, all those books I want to read before my 7 year old devours them and I have no idea what she’s reading) and then waste an hour a night on the computer. I’ll have to consider what chores I need to focus on. Perhaps the pantry or the cabinet of homeschool supplies, both of which are a bit dangerous to venture into right now.
Carrie says
I love this!
I have been reading the old Lent posts, and trying to figure out what to do for Lent for days now. But nothing seemed to fit. But this, this I can do! Thank you for reading my mind and providing just what I needed!
Off to pick a duty….
Carrie
Josie says
I think I need to internally accept the sacrifice of nearly no free hands throughout the day and realize the gift of my hands always busy with beautiful bouncing babies/toddlers. If I would just realize that my inability to get to the house work as I please (or whatever the flavor of the day is in my mind) is an invitation to spend more time giving actual (read, not distracted in thoughts of doing housework or what have you) attention to my littles, I think I’d be getting somewhere. 5th child and I’m still fighting the same battle. God is good to keep presenting it to me. I’m being a cranky child this morning telling Him I dread Lent it almost always feels like Lent to me! Think I have some things to learn. I pray He continues to teach me gently as I certainly don’t long to learn the hard way. And if I would just remember if I give them my time in the morning, nearly always a window of work time opens up peacefully in the afternoon. And will I ever regret that precious time with them? Yet I fight the urge to dig in to what I wish each and every morning. I think my mental transition is what I need to pick! Sorry hat was so log you just helped me so much! God bless!
Abby says
Another perfectly timed post! I have been puzzling about how to do Lent, being ready to explode with a new baby any day now. Offering the quiet moments and perhaps a clean countertop? This I can do. Coming from the Byzantine side of things, I have felt like a Lenten failure since the first baby was born. Thanks for the reminder of grace.
Kathy@9peas says
As always Leila, you have the best advice. Thank you for sharing it with us!
Lisa G. says
Wise woman.
Kathryn says
Posts like these are why you made my very short list of Lentworthy blogs! I decided yesterday that what I need to give up for Lent is my pride. It does not matter how much I used to be paid or appreciated for my work, my job here and now is in the home and I have a husband and four small kids depending on me. Whether or not I want to clean or cook at this time is irrelevant.
Rayna says
I like this comment, Kathryn! I too suffer from pride, but for me it’s that I take too much of it in my family, – as in, how well our children behave, how many children we have (at this point, only three!), how well I am able to balance everything while still remaining cheerful. I’m genuinely proud of all of those things, and I don’t think it’s bad, but I have to hold myself back from feeling too braggy and haughty about it all. Does that make sense? If you keep reading LMLD, I think you’ll find that the pride you once felt from working outside the home falls by the wayside (that’s what happened to me!). But then there’s this flip side, which is my particular Achilles heel…by all this, I only mean to say, I feel your pain! Pride! Ugh! It’s such a struggle!
Lacy says
I’ve been praying lately for The Lord to give me some extra wisdom in a few areas of my life, and to shine a light on the right path to making some necessary changes. And then I read this gentle, encouraging post. Thank you, again, for sharing your wisdom.
Rachelle says
Thank you very much Leila! I’m not Catholic and Lent is not part of my religious practice, but I really needed a reminder to not take my phone to bed. When I have my phone near the bed, I spend too much time fiddling with it before settling down for the night, which means that my night-time prayers are often more rushed than they should be. And in the morning, I stay in bed reading the day’s updates on my phone until the last possible minute before I absolutely MUST get ready for work, which shortens my morning prayers as well. I’m switching back to the regular alarm clock tonight and the phone is staying in the kitchen. Thank you for the simple yet wise advice!
Donna L. says
Thank you for such a thoughtful and soul-strengthening post!
I do not have any hand-held media–but I still have a computer and it takes more of my time than it ought to, I realize…more focus on order and wonder is part of my Lent…
I enjoy the little encouraging words that you send out to us–I’m dreading Lent except for what it will do to help us as a family!
Virginia says
Thanks! We Orthodox get an exemption from fasting if we’re nursing babies, which means that I haven’t fasted for years now. So, I had been thinking about what to do and this is a great suggestion! Definitely cleaning the bathroom for me.
Tamara says
Thank you so much Auntie Leila. I always appreciate your reminder to *live* the season. We don’t do much else other than “just” live the season but sometimes I start to feel guilty about it. I start to wonder why I dont do xyz… so thanks for always reminding me that what I *am* doing is so valuable.
Elizabeth says
Wow! This is the kind of post I love best Auntie Leila. So simple, yet I know I will come back to it again, especially to this quote: “Only later, looking back, will you realize what the experience was. That’s because experience is primarily the result of the memory of the event, which, of course, you must live before you can remember.”
And I think I’ll be taking your suggestion for no social media at bedtime. I’m not a mom, but I am guilty of bringing the tablet to bed with me. This will be a good step.
Mrs. C says
I’m one of those rare creatures these days that doesn’t own a cell phone but one area of weakness for me, because I’m a night owl, is getting to bed at a reasonable time. It would be different if I could sleep in but with school schedules and what-not, I spend too many days walking around like a zombie vowing that tonight I will get to bed on time. This bad habit interferes with my performance of a “cheerful determination to tackle a duty of yours” in that I’m usually a little cranky. You’ve given me much to ponder on this eve of Lent…..
Lisa says
These are wonderful. My boys are grown and out of the home but I feel like a child of the Catholic faith…pre-conversion (official but wholeheartedly of the, well, heart). So these suggestions are great for this older kid. Thank you.
Jennie says
I love this. That’s all.
Have a good Lent. It looks like I might be doing a lot of mopping, starting tomorrow…
ML says
Thanks for this! This will be helpful for me this Lenten season. I linked back to you on my post on resources for Lent http://saints-inthemaking.blogspot.com/2014/03/lenten-resources.html. 🙂
Betsy says
Oh man – you totally got me here. I even commented to my husband a few days ago that “maybe I’ll even clean the bathrooms a couple times this Lent” and he replied “OR you could clean them every single day – do one bathroom per day.” I definitely did NOT want to hear that. It’s the chore I avoid like the plague. But, oh what a great sacrifice it would be for me.
Leila says
Betsy, make sure you click on the link up there for the bathroom — you can do it quickly and relatively painlessly 🙂
Suzette says
You may have been sitting with my husband and I over brunch today 😉
Thank you, as always!
Chepkirui says
This Quaker, academic, mother-of-one is finally inspired to comment; on a Lent post of all things. First, thank you for your lovely wisdom. ‘Order and wonder’ has become my child-rearing mantra.
And, you remind me of my brilliant martial arts teacher who, during a blackbelt test, said to the tester, well, if balance is hard for you then the thing to do is to study all aspects of balance until it becomes a strength. So, keeping the fridge clear and grocery planning is my balance/difficult chore!
Anastasia says
Oh Auntie Leila. You hit the nail.on.the.head. I would type more but the baby wants my attention!
Rayna says
Thank you, Leila, for this post! It’s helped me so much because I struggle with the after-school routine (the emptying of book bags, sorting of papers, checking of homework – while at the same time, balancing the baby, stirring a pot for dinner, answering the telephone, etc.) I mean, I totally dread 3 p.m.! When my kids need me most, I only want to find a quiet corner and hide! The idea that I can purposefully work at doing a better job at that time of day as a sort of penitential thing for Lent…well, it’s the revelation and motivation I needed! Thank you!!!
Mrs. C says
Rayna, I used to struggle with that time too when my older girls were in elementary school. Now their in middle school so they do their own homework and are pretty responsible with giving me any notes or whatnot from their backpacks so I don’t have to check them anymore. I do have a 4yo who is starting kindergarten next year so I guess I will be in the same boat again for about 5 years.
Anyway, I found it a big help to get my dinner prepped if not fully cooked early in the day so that I could focus on helping with homework without worrying about dinner. It was either prepped enough that I could just throw ingredients together and cook it or shove a casserole in the oven or it was already cooked and it just got reheated. I don’t know what time you eat but I also gave the kids a quick snack after school and moved my dinner time from 5:00 to 6:00 so everything didn’t feel so rushed. I also ignored the phone during that time. I had caller ID and unless it was my husband, I just let the caller leave a message and I got back to them later.
These things won’t take away all the stress of that dreaded time after school but it will help ease some of it. Of course, a quick prayer never hurt either!
Mrs. C says
they’re—not their
Annalisa says
Auntie Leila,
How would you recommend approaching the Stations of the Cross with little kids? Mine are just six and not quite four (and one).
Mary Virginia says
Thank you! My first two nights of nursing have been more peaceful and prayerful- which has been great! I also organized a drawer and closet that have been bugging me for months! Grateful for the encouragement!
Teresa says
The irony is killing me, but I just read this at 4 am. Guess I’d better go pray 🙂
Amy H says
Oh, I needed this. Thank you for sharing your learning and experience. I’m a young(ish) mother of two small boys, and really appreciate the encouragement.
Joy in Alabama says
I was reading back through this, just making sure I’m on track with my little list of things I’m going to do, when WHAM!!, you start talking about that ONE CHORE YOU HATE. GEEZ! it’s the basement. During February, I’ve been straightening closets and cabinets. The basement was on my week for this week, along with my desk and the kitchen cabinets. So, I convinced myself that the basement could be included with spring cleaning instead of now. But, nope, now I know I need to work on it during Lent. That, my friends, would be REAL sacrifice. I can happily throw out the whole rest of my Lenten list because cleaning the basement will cure my whole soul!! Thanks, Leila! 😉