I am aiming to be praying down at the Planned Parenthood clinic in Worcester, Massachusetts, 470 Pleasant St., at 2 pm today. Please join me if you are in the area!
If you see me bundled in my dark brown down coat, come say hello. Warning: I won't last long in this cold!
But most of all, rededicate yourself to God's plan of marriage in whatever way you can. That is the key.
Today is a sad day.
It's hard for me to believe that it's been forty years since the Supreme Court of the United States made abortion legal.
I ask you to think of one thing on this day when we unite in offering to God our sorrow for this terrible reality of babies taken from their mothers' wombs.
Abortion is the result of forgetting that God had a plan for man and woman.
It's not a terrible evil that befalls the child randomly.
Rather, abortion on the scale that we witness today in America is the logical consequence of forgetting that a baby is meant to be the expression of love between a man and a woman who have pledged themselves to unity.
Marriage is the solution to abortion.
Of course, we will always have abortion and all the other ills of our human nature with us. We will always have to fight this fight. With the sheer numbers of babies being killed, it's very good to march on Washington. It's good to fight for just laws. It's very good to try to give witness at an abortion clinic and pray there.
We have to rescue babies.
Rescuing babies is pulling them out of the stream of death as they come by, at great risk to ourselves. It's reaching out to their mothers who are being sucked under by the maelstrom.
And then some of us must climb upriver to see who or what is throwing them in at the top.
If we want to solve the problem of abortion as a way of life, which is what we have today in our country, we must think of how the babies and their sad mothers are being thrown into the river of death.
Then we must acknowledge and proclaim that a baby is safest when it's born to a mother and a father who have promised before God and man that they will form a family.
Marriage doesn't just happen, and isn't one option among many. It's an institution that requires great commitment from every person in society, for the simple reason (among many complex ones) that when families are formed through marriage, the weak are given their best chance at being protected.
Today, possibly the greatest act of love for the unborn that you could make is striving your utmost to heal and promote and maintain and provide for and respect marriage.
Know that your own marriage is a good for the whole community. Every person you know — and many you will never see — benefits from your fidelity, your struggle, your resolve to love and honor your spouse. Your sufferings are a fitting incense rising to God — they are not in vain.
When you appreciate your husband as the protector and provider of this safe haven for you and your children, you help the unborn.
When he loves and protects you and your children, he offers society a church in miniature — a sanctuary — and babies everywhere are safer.
Know that when you raise your children to love and respect marriage by treating their own bodies as a temple of the Holy Spirit, you are fighting abortion with all your might. Every watchful, protective moment you spend guarding your children's purity is a blow against the scourge of abortion.
When you teach your children to internalize the reality that they have a precious gift to give to someone, a gift that, in its turn, will enrich the whole community and the whole world, you do something noble for the fight for the unborn.
When you protect your young children from hearing about offenses against purity and witnessing acts and sights that can only disturb them, you strengthen the fight against abortion.
Know that when you help friends thinking of divorce, showing them that their unity means the world to you — or when you speak to a young woman of respect for her body or to a young man of respect for women, you turn the tide against the violence done to the smallest infant in the womb.
When you show that you believe a child is safest with a mother and a father in a family, and meant by God to be there, you work for the unborn.
Mary Ann says
I’m wondering what you and your readers think about taking young children along when praying at abortion mills. My husband and I have stopped going to clinics since our oldest was about two because we don’t want them to be exposed prematurely to the possibility of a child being murdered in its mother’s womb, or to witness the violent words hurled at the protesters. But of course it’s terribly important to be a visible witness. Thoughts?
Leila says
Mary Ann, I concur. I think the abortion clinic is very much a dark spiritual place, and children are aware of the darkness and can be disturbed by it. We think they don’t know that people are suffering, hurt, and acting wrongly there, but maybe that’s untrue. At the very least, they know that WE are disturbed by being there. Each family, knowing these things and their duty to protect their children, must figure out what to do and when to do it.
Being a visible witness is extremely important. Let’s remember that the body of Christ has many members. Some will be there praying and witnessing and talking with those who enter. Some will be home taking care of things there.
I guess the point of my post is that everything we do in our devotion to marriage, home, and children is a deep witness and a necessary one.
Michelle says
Our pro-life counselors in our area say not to take the children – not because of the “darkness”, but because of the women coming into the clinic – we want to be approachable and with children that’s not really possible. Women feel intimated when they see children there – like we’re putting them “in their face”. We want them to feel loved and approachable so we can speak with them and get them to change their minds. They also suggest NOT wearing pro-life memorabilia. Hope this helps 😉
anon says
I’ve been seperated from my husband for two years. Every day I choose to stay married to him, although there are many obstacles to reconciliation, from past hurts to mental illness and logistcal difficulties. I wonder, often, whether there is any good to be obtained fron living my vows in this isolation.
You made me cry with this:
“Know that your own marriage is a good for the whole community. Every person you know —and many you will never see —benefits from your fidelity, your struggle, your resolve to love and honor your spouse. Your sufferings are a fitting incense rising to God —they are not in vain.”
I don’t know if you meant that for people like me and my sinful, broken husband, but thank you.
Pearl says
Anon, I am in the same boat. Could’ve written your post. Hugs to you.
M. says
Me too, unfortunetely. I am beyond able to understand it all, especially when it comes to raising my 2 small children alone. I cling to the cross and know Jesus is still here through it all.
anon says
Pearl, I’m sorry you’re in this situation too! You have my prayers. This isn’t a position well understood or supported in our era.
Pearl says
Anon, it’s not, and that is difficult in itself. Some think that I should file for divorce. Others that we should move back in. But I know that it’s not possible. Very few understand this. I firmly believe that the sacrament of marriage is a part of our sanctification and can get us to heaven — but when I think of being made into a “little Christ,” my flesh shouts, “No, any way but this!” Not having a truly intimate and trusting relationship with my husband is a terrible cross to bear. Honestly, my only consolations are knowing that Christ can work good out of evil, and believing that he is with me as I try to learn whatever lessons God has in this trial for me. We have four little ones. The only way that I can hope to do this reasonably well, and even to excel in this situation!, is to lean fully on him. I will pray for you, sister.
Anon says
I know what you mean about your flesh crying out against being ‘a little Christ’. There are just so many moments of dying to self and letting go, over and over again, of the desire to cling, desire for security, desire for comfort (not to mention, I really miss sex sometimes). “You have been crucified in Christ…” I’ve already seen some of the “new life” that comes out of that, but I still have mornings when it hits me all over again and I grieve again for the dreams I had and the life I thought we would have together. Even if we, by the grace of God, find a way to put this family back together, it will never be the way I imagined on my wedding day.
Pearl says
oh, Anon, again, I feel like I could’ve written that. Amen! About continually letting go, and of the dreams that I had when we married.
If you want to get in touch, I can be reached at thissideofthepage at gmail dot com
Leila says
Dear Anon,
Yes, I did mean it for you. No life is without suffering. The important thing is that we remain faithful to what is good and true.
We are all sinful and broken. It’s not with what the world calls a happy or successful marriage or life that we help others, but with trust in the good and the true.
anon says
Thank you. I need to hear that sometimes.
sibyl says
Anon, M., and Pearl: I pray for you every Monday night 11 p.m. Central time — for spouses who are in difficult marriages, and especially for those who have been abandoned to raise children alone. Just know that, whatever time that is where you live, I am offering prayers for you and beseeching God’s comfort and strength for you.
My friendship and sorrow goes out to you all.
Anon says
Thank you!
Pearl says
sibyl,
Thank You, Thank You.
Jenny says
I like that image of Divine Mercy much better than the ones you normally see. Where did you get it?
Leila says
I agree, Jenny — I love it! I don’t know where it’s from originally, but you can buy it at Ignatius Press (and it’s on sale!):
http://www.ignatius.com/Products/DIVM-O/divine-mercy.aspx
It’s a lovely image that I’ve given as a wedding gift.
Megan @ The Ipps says
I needed to read this today. My husband was asked by a friend (genuinely curious) why we chose to have so many kids (I am pregnant with our fifth).
My husband was stumped in how to answer. We had no grave reason not to in our marriage and love them all. Going through pregnancy, labor, and all the joyful/frustrating milestones for each child, teaching our faith has been another reason to want more.
Yet, there is that seed of doubt that we had no purpose in the beginning to have children. There for, should we have more if the reasons we have them are not always clear in our head or on our lips?
Yet, how does one put into words the love of marriage and the wonderful outcome of children through this sacrament?
I cannot always clearly put the reason why we chose to have many children, but yet I know it is so right. Everyday I love them and truly want them to be Catholic. I want them to go to heaven. I pray and hope I do not have my kids for selfish reasons, but my children do help me learn and truly love our faith. I strive to be better and want better because of them.
If we would have only been blessed to have two we would have not understood what is normal and not normal behavior on their and our parts as kids/parents.
Reading that children are meant to be the outcome of a marriage is soothing and justifying to keep me in my faith as a convert who chose whole heartily to embrace Catholicism!
Society asks us why we have children and it is not always easy to explain. Thus, helping perhaps justify the mentality that children have no purpose if we cannot clearly explain why we chose to have many. It is difficult to explain that we also just know deep down it is right (can’t always explain our faith and how you know it is just right ).
Instead, they are seen as burdens who take away from a marriage (lots of work, no sleep, etc).
Being married is choosing life.
How would you (or your readers) explain to a friend or stranger why you chose to have many kids and had/have no reason not to?
Mrs. B. says
Megan, your comment reminded me of that famous Mother Teresa quote: to say that there are too many children would be like saying there are too many flowers.
No one would ever come to you inquiring why you planted so many flowers in your front yard, but these days – when the fashionable elite talks in terms of “breeders” and considers man the cancer of the earth – it seems that the size of each family must be scrutinized, questioned and justified. As if that made any sense.
Why do we have children? After years of infertility happily crowned with a baby, I finally understood my frustration and sadness this way: the love between husband and wife is simply MEANT to be fruitful, so children are simply a natural expression of that love. It’s not that complicated, and you don’t need any other reasons. Love is the reason.
How many children should we have? Who knows? Frankly, it’s nobody’s business but each couple’s. Let’s not waste time judging and presuming. But again, I say: no one would ever dream to go to Michelangelo and tell him: Ok, man, you’ve painted and sculpted enough, don’t you think?
Especially today, let’s thank God for our children, who teach us so much every day about ourselves, about human nature, about mercy and grace and sin…
ps – you can always choose the snarky approach and let people who think kids have no purpose know that if they want their retirement checks in the mail some day, they better thank today the families who are welcoming tomorrow’s taxpayers and workers!
Leila says
Megan, I wrote this post to express what you are saying. Maybe it will help give an answer to those who ask (if they ask in good will — otherwise, well, maybe they should mind their own business!):
http://www.likemotherlikedaughter.org/2011/08/ask-auntie-leila-how-do-i-tell-people/
Anitra says
You can always remind the questioner that the Bible says that children are a blessing, not a burden! For those who are more earthly-minded, you can also tell them that children are an investment – lots of hard work up front that pays off later. 🙂
Catherine says
I am so glad you re-posted this. A good reminder! I also agree with Jenny about the Divine Mercy image. Thank you for posting the link.
Anne says
Thank you for this….it’s a perspective and thought I hadn’t considered before. I’ve often thought that unless I was able to march, in my case at Parliament Hill (I’m Canadian and I live in Ottawa, Canada’s capital…currently in the midst of our 2nd “Polar Vortex”), or pray at vigils at abortion clinics, or do the walkathon to support/raise money for FirstPlace Options (a crisis pregnancy centre that is pro-life) then there’s not much I’m doing besides prayer that fights against abortion/the culture of abortion.
My daughter is 10, so I am continuing the conversation about bodies and babies, but in a direction more towards puberty and all of that…and in our discussions about sex and the place of sex in marriage, in our lives, and as responsible Christians, I’ve never thought of talking to her about it being a benefit to society at large, and a sometimes not-so-silent witness to our Christian testimony and values.
I am not Catholic, nor do I have a large family (“only” 2 children). I’ve never considered that the way I choose to live my life, raise our family, etc., is a witness to life. That is so powerful. SO POWERFUL.
As to the question a reader asked above about taking kids to abortion clinics for prayer…I wouldn’t. Here is why: a lot of times, there are graphic images of what abortion does to babies. I broke down when I saw one when we were taking family to tour the Parliament buildings (there is a fellow who does a vigil I think year round there with images)…I cannot fathom explaining this to my 10 year old. She’s not ready to see that, she’s not ready yet to have that conversation. It will happen, but not right now. She is SO sensitive, that seeing something like that could well scar her for some time. As her Mum, I have to consider this, among the other challenges, and in considering what is best for her at this stage in her life, that is not best. The harm outweighs any positives.
The other factor is this: these are women, real live women, going into these aboriton clinics. They have souls, they have hearts, and they do have a conscience. As much as their consciences have been hardened to the point where they can justify killing an unborn child, a far greater pricking of the conscience needs to happen from the Holy Spirit, and indeed can only come from Him. Me having my children there I think may push things too far, too fast, and be too much for some women. To everything there is a time and place…and, personally anyway, the time and place for my children is not at a prayer vigil at an abortion clinic. Not until they are emotionally, mentally, and cognitively ready to handle what abortion is all about. That’s my $0.02 (Cdn.) on it. 🙂
Leila says
Anne, well said on all fronts.
Brooke says
Dear Auntie Leila-
I’ve never commented on any blog before but have read yours faithfully for 2 years; it has brought me so much joy and comfort. My husband left me unexpectedly when our 3rd child was 5 weeks old. Nothing I could do or say would defer him from divorcing me and beginning “a new family” with his girlfriend. Our marriage- and the sacrament of marriage- were of the utmost importance to me. My question, after reading of my fellow sisters’ heartbreak, is whether or not you have any words of wisdom for those of us who have been abandoned and are prayerfully trying to make a home for our little ones amidst such circumstances? Many thanks to you for all the good you and your girls are doing.
Tracy says
Brooke,
I don’t have advice for you, but just wanted to encourage you from your children’s point of view. The same happened to my mom, only my dad left the day my sister turned 18 months old. You are enough for your children. Yes, it would be better if they had an intact family, but God will provide and your children will rise up and call you blessed. My mom was mother and father to us and we honestly never missed having him or felt like our little family was “less than.” I know she prayed for him and she never, ever talked bad about him to us. If we asked questions, she answered truthfully, but without judgement and always ended any difficult discussion about him by telling us that our dad loved us very much and to never doubt that. Even when he wasn’t showing it. I can’t fathom the courage and self restraint she had and the heartache that she must have endured. She died unexpectedly last month, but she gave my sister and me the gift of a relationship with our father so that we are not alone in our grief. You are enough and you will provide your children a happy family. That’s what mothers do.
Brooke says
Tracy-
Thank you with all my heart. I so needed to hear that, though they only have their mother now, my children can still thrive. I am trying to walk in the path of love and prayer- I so want my little ones to feel loved by all and I will always love their father, but the self-restraint (though so necessary!) is not enjoyable! I am so sorry for your loss. Please know that, though I have never met her, I will remember your mother and that her great love and wisdom have blessed a stranger as well. I am grateful to have an image for the kind of mama I am trying to become. May God bless you both.
Elise says
Thank you for this beautiful post and your perspective, Leila. What a powerful gift the Sacrament of Marriage is for our world.