Welcome to anyone who is trying to figure out what the vision of the St. Gregory Pocket is.
This post marks the genesis of the idea of the Pocket. It commemorates a last-minute get-together we did in Washington DC. At that get-together, I spoke to the lovely group of ladies who came about the necessity of friendship in real life and of building a community in which to raise your children.
So if you keep scrolling down here, you will get to the meat of this post, with the ideas I spoke to them about fleshed out.
There were a lot of comments on this post; unfortunately they didn’t come over we transferred the blog, but we still have them. Feel free to comment now.
Every Thursday, here at Like Mother, Like Daughter!
Well, we did it!
The craziness was had.
About 25 lovely ladies and quite a number of adorable babies (in utero and out) braved what actually sounded like fairly terrible traffic (what other kind is there in the Metro DC area?) to come meet Deirdre, Sukie, and me (and the Artist and the Quack, our doughty security team, because we’re crazy but we’re not stupid) on what amounts to a moment’s notice.
The sheer joy of just seeing everyone is still with me now. It was a blessing, let me tell you. We wanted to talk about making friends and building a community, but who am I?
I am no expert.
Other than… an expert in managing the crazy!
Basically it came down to this. (Although there was more! But I’ll save it for another post.)
Find the people. (“Who is my neighbor?” Not necessarily a person who agrees with every single thing I think or does just what I do or is exactly my age… )
Make them dinner.
Throw them a baby shower.
Watch their kids while they go to the doctor.
Just make dinner for as many people as need them.
Don’t ask why no one throws you a baby shower. Just throw one (and please, for the love of all that is sanity, keep it simple and try not to consult Pinterest too much) — yes, for that mom who is having her fourth baby, because you know what? She is afraid that she has lost her mind.
You can assure her that she has, but it’s okay, because you’ll bring her dinner after.
Finding your pocket of friends, because yes, we do need kindred spirits: Worship somewhere with the most beauty that is the closest geographically that you can manage. Do you know what I mean? Your own parish is best if possible.
Invite other families for Sunday supper, early, after church.
Find other homeschoolers and have them over to discuss curriculum.
Oh, I have other ideas and some of them are actually discussing LMLD posts! Why not! Have you looked at the sidebar recently? What about a group of ladies who want to live frugally (say, on one income) getting together to discuss practical menu planning? What about Casti Connubii?
You should figure out how to have a discussion about that, and hey, invite your priest or minister over.
We’ll have to save other ideas for another post. But if you just invite another family to Sunday dinner, you will be doing a lot!
Want a list of some fallacies?
The fallacy of thinking that everyone else already has friends. Hopefully we’re not in 7th grade, and can make the leap to understand that everyone can always use more friends! Why, I have a friend, a 90+ year-old lady, who just a few weeks ago made new friends after Mass by inviting a couple she could barely see over to her house right then and there for donuts. And, they went. And, they enjoyed it very much.
The fallacy that you can’t break into a group. Well, avoid the mean girls, I guess. But otherwise, just plunk yourself right in there. Try to be of service and you will see that it will be fine. Groups can give off the air of being quite self-contained. It’s hard not to do it if you’re the group. But sometimes, let’s face it, a person just won’t be pulled in. She refuses. If you’re trying to avoid being that rather difficult person, you should be good. Just barge right in. Assume the best.
The fallacy of pre-conceived ideas. This is when you think that you can only be friends with a person who thinks just like you or looks just like you. The thought that the married woman with no children isn’t longing to be your friend. The thought that the woman with grown children wouldn’t like to talk to you. “Who is my neighbor?” Right. I already asked you that one. The lists are merging into each other :) But really.
The fallacy that everyone who is your friend will be your best friend. But this is not necessary. It’s okay to be just friends, not particularly close — but, she can depend on you in a pinch. And that you can leave your kids with her if you need to go to the doctor, and you will bring each other dinner when you need it. That’s building a community.
Be generous, be virtuous, be welcoming, be hospitable, be kind, don’t worry too much if you need to work on these things, but rather, join the club.
Oh, and pray! Ask God, “Who is my neighbor?”
And He will add best friends unto you….
That’s my list. I hope to continue working on it myself! I mean, from what I can see, you all are the experts, not me!
ETA: Deirdre hung in there and even came! Trouper!