Sometimes being creative feels selfish.
Why is that?
Let me see if I can answer, because this is where I try to answer questions that I overhear others asking.
My whole life is an attempt to not have “me” time. I hate “me” time. Whenever I've been fooled into taking “me” time I've just laughed at myself, because I have to admit I'd rather be doing something else.
I love fun things and even the occasional indulgent things, and I'm all for getting out of the house once in a while. And naturally I rest and relax and read and all sorts of things that every human being needs (although not everyone has, and I'm grateful, believe me.)
But call it “me” time and you've killed it for me.
I'm “all in” in all the things I've chosen, just as surely as a nun is in her convent. No “me” time.
(There's often “lazy” time or “bad use of time” time but I'm not perfect and neither are you. I've just learned from experience not to glorify all that.)
The paradox of giving up “me” time is that you get actual joy from some very personal things. In particular, it's such a joy to make something beautiful.
I could insert a philosophical/theological treatise here on how women might or might not — but probably might — be more prone to feeling bad about feeling good because of being women, but I need to get to showering and cleaning the kitchen. This wasn't done before on account of a busted hot-water heater that just this second got replaced. Why hot-water heaters bust in the 9° weather and not in the 80° weather I'll never understand.
Anyway, let the seasons change. Be content when you “merely” get three meals on the table, clean up after sick people and otherwise perform various works of mercy at home and abroad, educate the ignorant, dandle the baby, and smile at your husband. You are doing good. You don't need to do one more thing than what you're doing.
And know that if the alignment of the planets allow, it's not selfish but rather just as much an expression of your devotion to figure out what you enjoy doing in the creativity department and make time to do it.
We women are a bit more isolated these days than is ideal. It's easy to forget that even if we don't find folks to interact with at this moment (other than our family), we are still building a culture. The ideal we should be shooting for, even if we are lonely at the moment, is a certain roominess, a wide vision — in our heads and in the world.
Did you have the reading from Proverbs at your wedding? I did. I do find her encouraging. She lets her creativity go right to the city gates, and all the while she is serving everyone — her husband, her family, her community. Love her.
Before finishing, before washing. |
After washing the quilt gets that nice crinkly texture. |
Anyway, all that to say — here's my teensy bit of creativity…. I made a little baby quilt and it didn't even take that long. I went into my stash and found some fabric that I have often felt didn't really go with anything else I have. But this fabric went with the baby I had in mind.
I started out with a general size and the thought that the stripey pattern and the white would be pleasing. Piecing strips rather than squares made everything go rather quickly, and had the added bonus of being a good design choice, I think!
The whole thing took me only a couple of hours — really! Quilting with pearl floss is brilliant. The biggest possible bang for your quilting buck time expenditure. Since, ahem, I'm supposed to be working on not one, but three!, wedding quilts.
.
Teresa says
Oh Leila, I love the quilt. It is right up my alley.
Amen to the beauty of just making beauty – and how every little act can be meaningful.
priest's wife says
lovely lovely quilt- and thanks for this inspiration on a Monday (sorry about the water heater- warm/hot water is a luxury that would be very difficult for me to give up)
Julie says
Leila,
Wow, your quilt is lovely, and I believe the baby will be blessed to recieve it. I always felt that I was wrapping my babies in a little extra love when I wrapped them in something handmade. This post is just what i needed. I often feel guilty doing something creative, and then feel frustrated and resentful because of it. I have been guilty of believing that everything must be perfect housewise before I embark on anything creative. I think I have failed to realize that unless we all went out to eat every meal(blech) and perhaps ran around unclothed, there will always be something that is undone. Thank you for this post.
_Leila says
Yes, make time for creativity! Don't be daunted by being slow!
Kathy says
You spoke to me (again). I also have trouble calling something 'me' time – but I do take it, I just don't call it that. I love the quilt, it turned out really well! Lucky Baby!
Jamie says
Now that was creative time well spent! Such a lovely quilt!
Jennifer says
Lovely quilt! We had a portion of that Proverbs reading at our wedding. I've actually spent the last month crocheting with odd bits of yarn I've had piling up for years. I found a few patters that use multiple colors, so I've made a variety of items that I can use as I need gifts throughout the year. Maybe I can open an Etsy shop to raise money for groceries – hahaha! I look forward to my childrens' naptime so I can rest and crochet.
Tracy says
oh! Your quilt is so pretty! I am certain the baby's mama will love it!! I'm curious where you have found to be the best place to buy your perle (and I'm hoping it is an internet resource…) I don't understand why it is not more widely available ~ it truly is a pleasure to use!
_Leila says
Tracy, that thread is available at Michael's and JoAnn's, and probably at other similar craft stores. And online, of course. They carry the DMC and I love it! I use the #8 that comes in twisted skeins.
Lauren says
Tracy-
Try Etsy. I have been surprised at the wonderful quantity of good craft materials available on there at the same price or even cheaper than my local Joanna or Michaels.
Tara S says
Eshet Chayil! This is exactly how I feel. Exactly, exactly. Quiet time, here and there, to do the things I am good at and enjoy, is not actually very enjoyable if it's about “me” time – because there will never be enough “me” time and it would only breed discontent. It's incredibly enjoyable though, when I approach it as one of the things I do for the family. Clearing the bats out of my belfry and making some peace and creative satisfaction in my own mind is like clearing the kitchen counter: it makes more room to work efficiently. 😀
Melissa Diskin says
“Clearing the bats out of the belfry” is spot on …My “me time” is usually spent meal planning or baking something more complicated than bread or just thinking about that closet or lack of one that drives me nuts. Sometimes you just need to sit in front of something and really SEE it before you can solve any problems. Hard to do with my 3 small whirlwinds around.
What's funny is that people always give me certificates for manicures or massages — nice in their own way — when what I really crave is an hour to measure my closet or hang a mirror. Bless them anyway. 🙂
Tamara says
Oh Auntie this is just what I needed to hear right now. I'm in the thick of learning how to have three kids and I know God is providing the grace I need each day. Today your words were really part of His plan for me. I *needed* to hear you say that I do not need to be doing one more.thing than what I am doing AND that we are still building the culture. Thank you for taking the time to post! And when you have time after the kitchen is cleaned and whatnot I would be happy to.hear your long theological treatise 🙂
Colleen says
So encouraging – thank you! Right now I'm in the let's try getting 3 meals a day on the table phase, but when I find spare moments to work on something creative, I find myself much more joyful. Something that lasts more than 15 minutes and isn't consumable. 🙂 Your quilt is so lovely! I have only done machine quilting, but I love the idea of doing some hand-stitching – it seems like it would be more portable and easier to find a few moments here and there to work on, rather than having to pull the machine out every day.
Lisa G. says
I like the look of strips in a quilt; how nice to find such a use for what's at hand and make something useful and so pretty.
Tamara says
Oh Auntie this is just what I needed to hear right now. I'm in the thick of learning how to have three kids and I know God is providing the grace I need each day. Today your words were really part of His plan for me. I *needed* to hear you say that I do not need to be doing one more.thing than what I am doing AND that we are still building the culture. Thank you for taking the time to post! And when you have time after the kitchen is cleaned and whatnot I would be happy to.hear your long theological treatise 🙂
Kelly says
What a lovely quilt! How many strands of the floss do you use for the quilting?
_Leila says
Kelly, it's not regular embroidery thread, it's pearl thread (or DMC calls it “perle”). I use it whole 🙂
kimmie says
Your quilt is beautiful! Thanks for sharing it and what was on your heart.
Kimmie
mama to 8
one homemade and 7 adopted
Ann-Marie says
Hi Leila,
I am new to your blog and LOVING it!!! I have really enjoyed your thoughts on homeschooling and this is a wonderful post as well. What a lovely quilt. That is one of my dreams…to learn to quilt…or to maybe get some time to try to quilt some day 😉 I don't use the term “me time:” either. Sounds way too selfish for what I do each day trying to make my sons a wee bit better for Him each day. I can identify with what you said about “bad use of time” and I am guilty of that from time to time too 😉 LOVE, love that quilt. Such pretty colors!
Kimberlee says
Lovely, lovely, lovely quilt! I love that fabric in the strips, and I love the making something beautiful of the bits you have on hand. So beautiful! So satisfying! Such a blessing of beauty and love for the mama and baby! (and I bet you offered an Ave or two for them while you were stitching as well)
Anne says
oo, i really like that fabric! and the strips are great. clean, crisp, bold and let the fabric speak for itself!
Anne says
In other words, there's got to be a space between 'treating' oneself and 'killing' oneself. It is God that provides the lovely 'treats' or grace and beauty that keep the heart moving towards him, and it is God that gives the grace to cover over what I can't do or complete or finish when I collapse at the end of the day. So we, that is I, don't need to play the martyr nor run out and fulfill myself, but rather live in the middle, content in all his goodness. And yet, I'm always fighting off the culture on one side, that says I should be out 'taking what's mine', and on the other, comparing myself to godly women who appear to be working harder and are more talented than I am.
Mary says
beautiful quilt and even more lovely words. I struggle with this so much. I always think that if I sit down and knit or quilt or sew that I am taking time away from my family. I need to just chill out and spend the time or I will lose my ever loving mind. Truly Leila I wish I lived closer and I would roll Miss Courtney up and sit by the fire and you could teach me how to knit socks. That would be a wonderful day.
Thank you for helping me take a deep breath and see the creative light. “Me” time be gone…hello sewing table. Now to go clean the bathroom.
_Leila says
Mary, I wish you did too! But there's always YouTube 🙂 Clean the bathroom quick and then see what you can do.
Karen says
The problem with the term “me time” is that some people hear it and think “mani pedis” or even “resort vacation” and some people hear “basic hygiene.”
I don't know how aware of this you are, O Blog Hostess Lelia, but there are a lot of blogs out there building on the extreme wifely submission preached by some authors in the 70s as a solution to every domestic problem, and the whole idea that “me time” is illegitimate features largely.
If you're already staying home with your babies, if you're already thrown in with homeschooling for the long haul, you've already accepted a fundamental dying-to-self and submission. I hope young mothers can hear more encouragement to set things up so that they have help to get to the dentist, get enough sleep, and just generally be living in ways that don't constitute one giant human rights violation. I don't know how to get there from here but maybe hearing “me time” as “time and space that if a prisoner of war didn't get it would be a violation of the Geneva Convention” is a start. We all suffer extremely lousy conditions and that's not going to change soon, but it doesn't have to be this way.
_Leila says
Haha, Karen, I think if you know me you know that I think you should take a shower and get dressed and generally respect yourself. And then make something beautiful in between stirrings of the pot.
RubberChickenGirl says
“I hope young mothers can hear more encouragement to set things up so that they have help to get to the dentist, get enough sleep, and just generally be living in ways that don't constitute one giant human rights violation.”
Funny! I know what you are saying, being one who raised five kids with little to no help or support and very few outings….I had to admit that It Takes A Village had a point in terms of family and friend support (not a Nanny State).
RCG
Margo says
I'm afraid 3 quilts would paralyze me! But I adore this little quilt. I am quilting all the time with perle (pearl?) cotton because of what you said. I want my stitches to be seen! And I even like it when mine are a little wonky because then it so obviously has been held in my hands and made by me.
Kristy says
It's a very un-typically-quilty-quilt and I like it very much 🙂 beautifully done. 🙂
Caitlin says
Lovely quilt, and I'm going to try my own version of it! I've just started “quilting” as in I quilted two pieces of cotton fabric together with batting for my first quilt. Yes, my baby steps have to start that small….. This quilt seems like a manageable pieced quilt that looks like something but doesn't require all that much piecing (because at the just getting three meals on the table, showering, and getting dressed stage my brain doesn't work too well doing any extra effort in the craft department, and for me there's no point in taking this creative time if it ends up stressing me out.) As always, thank you for your wisdom. Looking forward to the Lent suggestions tomorrow!!!
melaniebett says
Oh I adore that quilt. What a great idea to piece it in strips. I'm going to have to borrow that idea to use up some of my bits of fabric that don't go with anything. When I figure out how to get a little time for sewing again. I did manage some before the baby was born– finally finished that baby quilt I'd been working on for three years– but now that she's here, well, I'm back to the “figuring out how to do everything I was doing before with a new baby” stage. But at least I do know that someday I'll find time to sew again. Having that to look forward to does help. It is important to find time to do the things that we enjoy– recreation and beauty aren't selfish indulgences but necessities.
Erin says
Did you do any piecing to make those strips or are they all just selvedge to selvedge?
Suzanne says
Thank you for this post. I have worked full time since I was 18 years old and I always dreamed of having my family and staying home, having a tidy home, lovely homeschooled children, home cooked food on the table and plenty of time for my hobby making. Now, I am home (thankfully, though later in life than I imagined) and with a 2 year old, work from home PT job, things just are not as composed as I had imagined. Its taken me a long while to learn how to “be” at home and manage everything in it. Now that my son is a toddler, I am seeing a bit more “free” time that I can try to spend on something! But I get paralyzed as to what? So I start little projects and then it may be weeks before I can get back to them again. So my thought today was to be more intent on doing these types of things instead of something mindless. Your post is encouraging to know that I can spend my time doing worthwhile things if it is so only to me. Now to do them guiltlessly and without some dirty part of the house nagging me! And to get to my quilt too! Your's is lovely by the way!
Lacy says
What a wonderful post! You must surely have heard from heaven before you sat down to write because I've been wrestling with just this issue and the fact that I desperately need some time and space to sit quietly and be creative each day, yet I have come to abhor the “me time” that sends me out the door to “treat myself”. No, of course, we are not talking about necessities like going to the doctor or taking a shower, but rather those small daily acts that are for ourselves alone, yet in their accomplishment brighten the lives of the dear ones we love. I think about the mothers of Little House books who were described as sitting in a rocking chair by the fire when the day's work was done, knitting and mending while the newspaper was read or the family played instruments and sang. This was a truly uplifting post, Auntie Leila. Thank you for sharing with us.
Erin Conner says
SO late commenting on this post…. But I just want to say (in spite of my *no commenting* policy), that the baby's mama DOES love this quilt, and the baby IS blessed to receive it! It is even more beautiful in real life. It is a perfect example of being *girly* without being… Pepto pink. And as usual with Leila's quilts, I love the backing at least as much as the front–and the front is fabulous.
Thank you, Leila!
love, Erin