If you are perky and peppy and get a lot accomplished all the time, move along and do so — this post is not for the likes of you!
And I know your kind!
Or that dynamo who is busy ripping apart and restoring multiple rooms in her house while we are strategizing ways to unload the dishwasher without activating the trombones in our head.
1. Postpone the deep clean by employing the spot clean. When you see something dirty in your house (and I realize that this can mean just everything, but stick with me here), don't think to yourself: “I need to tear apart that room/fridge/garage and deep clean it,” because then you will shuffle along and not deal with anything at all. And feel really defeated.
Example: You pull out the milk and notice the shelf it sits on has dried milk crud on it. Rather than tell yourself that you need to unplug the fridge, pull out all the food, wash every surface with disinfecting detergent, toss all old food, and replace everything, simply grab a dishcloth and wipe the shelf and the bottom of the milk carton.
If you can manage to get the dishcloth hot with soapy water, and then hang it to dry on your drying rack, replacing it in the sink with a clean one, you are really ahead of the game here.
We LMLD types find that wiping our counters makes us feel more human, and it really only takes a minute.
Note to self: Buy one of those packages of dishcloths at the dollar store. Even you and I can't get through them before the next time we do the towels.Feel free to reward yourself by sitting down.
2. Know what is for dinner just for today. Yes, I strongly urge you to make a weekly menu and shop accordingly. I've held you by the hand and shown you how to do it.
But sometimes you have to be realistic for this one day when you were up late with the teenager and up early with the baby, and accept that you haven't done that.
Sometimes the hubster needs to pick supper up on his way home, and I get that.
But maybe you can come up with a menu for today — try to use a few things you have on hand. I like to keep a file of thoughts (I wouldn't glorify them with the word recipe) for this type of occasion. If you can also figure out tomorrow, then you have bought yourself time to get a good plan in place without splurging on an unscheduled, most likely unwished-for, eating out episode — the kind that makes you feel defeated, poorer, and fatter afterwards.
Examples:
~ Hot dogs (from freezer), baked beans (from a can), biscuits (doesn't take long to make them from scratch if you have some pancake mix handy), and cole slaw (you know there are carrots and cabbage lurking in your fridge — if not, just do carrot salad, which is grated carrots, raisins, and a dressing of some oil, half as much vinegar, a dash of salt, and a small amount of sugar). Or just cut up the carrots into sticks and ask a toddler to put them in a dish.
~ Pasta tossed with ham and leftover green beans or broccoli. Make a super simple sauce like the one I have shared with you for macaroni and cheese. In fact, you are making macaroni and cheese and putting ham and a few vegetables in it. That is pretty easy.
~ Rice with pulled chicken (already cooked, from the freezer) and raisins and nuts – dust with cinnamon and cumin, with a salad on the side.
Note to self: Stash hot dogs, bits of ham, and a cooked chicken breast or two in the freezer for just such emergencies. Everyone needs a simple supper they can pull out of a hat in twenty minutes.
3. Take a shower. You will feel better and be more able to get yourself moving. If you go through the day feeling vaguely untouchable, you are unlikely to accomplish what you want to. Blitz your body — don't try to undertake any major overhauls — just get in there, soap up, wash your hair, and get out. If you run a razor over your lower legs you are amazing. Fifteen minutes and out.
Note to self: Buy enough underwear so that you aren't postponing a shower because you haven't done the laundry, and you haven't done the laundry because you are too tired and dirty to collect it. A good supply of underwear is the key to so many things…If you can't manage a shower, try to wash your face. It feels amazing! And if you can manage a shower, don't waste it by putting on yoga pants — get some real clothes on and don't forget the earrings.
4. Wash your children's faces and get their hair out of their eyes. You can now cope with them because you like them better. They also act better because they feel pulled together and taken care of. Good work.
Feel free to reward yourself by sitting down to read them a story!
5. Take a nap. If you can only think of eating things, or if you find that you are staring into space despite knowing exactly what you need to do (this is different from having no idea what to do, but a nap may still be in order), or if your response to a child asking to be read to is tears (of your own), just rest your head back on the sofa cushions and let your mind drift until you fall asleep. Twenty minutes later, you will be new person.
If ever there was a justification for parking the kids in front of a (well chosen, tasteful, not overly noisy) video, this is it. It's okay to admit you are tired.
Love this The Emperor and The Nightingale, Told by Glenn Close with Music by Mark Isham (instantly streaming on Amazon!) — very quiet and meditative. Thirty-eight minutes, perfect. Annie knows a nice cartoon series that isn't abrasive — maybe she'll tell us in the comments!
If you end up taking a walk, good for you! Sometimes the baby just needs to look at the world and you need to not look at him — a walk in the stroller is perfect!
Enjoy being out of the house!
7. Inside, step away from the computer even if you feel miserable, and walk (slowly, it's okay) around your house. When you continually check your email, you forget what needs to be done until it's too late, and then you feel even worse. If you get up and walk around the bedroom areas, you are reminded of your actual, real-life tasks — strangely, you get reminded of things that aren't even in that area!
Don't tackle them today, but neaten up a few things as you go (see #1), and make a list for tomorrow.
Get everyone to blitz the family room right before supper — and play some fun music so you won't yell.
Then spend the rest of the evening sitting down! That is, until you wash their faces and feet and put them to bed. After that, sit down a little more.
8. Take your iron and some vitamin C. If you are truly draggy, you are probably anemic. Pull down your lower eyelid — is the membrane fairly white, not red? Yup.
In this state, you can't imagine having energy. Don't try. Just take your iron (try taking it later in the day, rather than in the morning when you don't feel that great anyway) and then know what it feels like to be able to function!
Note to self: Pick up some Floradix (Blood Builder is good too — affiliate link) or order online.
9. Make something (other than food) or make a plan to make something or think about how to make time to make a plan to make something.
Making things helps you love your life. Not making things makes you feel like a drudge. Even the poorest, hardest working women in history made beautiful things all the time.
Note to self: Get a doable project going — one that fits with your actual preferences and isn't huge — emphasis on doable here — by scheduling a trip to whatever store you need to get to. It's hard to start something, but once you get going, it's there to be picked up at odd moments when you lack energy and need an excuse to sit down. Today you can sit down and think about what you want to make.
It's socially unacceptable and quite the admission of defeat to sit on the sofa staring into space. Not that we don't all do it, like so many other socially unacceptable things!
But — It's amazingly productive to sit on the sofa and knit!
10. Even if the day has gotten away from you because you are so tired, or have a headache, or feel depressed, or have a new baby, take a moment to see yourself as God sees you. If you must sit on the sofa staring into space, then that's the moment to contemplate that God is infinitely caring and understanding — a loving Father who wants only the good for you!
When you've seen things as they are, through His eyes, try to give thanks for something — if only the freedom to crash on a bad day. Put all your cares in His hands.
And then get to bed early, because chances are that sleep is what you need.
What strategies do you have for rescuing a bad day? Please share in the comments!
Amy says
Yep, I've had those draggy days. I find that if I can get ONE thing accomplished (and sometimes that is hard with 3 little ones!), that gives me such a boost then I feel like I can go on and do something else, and something else, etc. I like your advice about not avoiding simple cleaning just because you can't deep clean. So true! Just yesterday I wiped out ONE shelf in the door of my refrigerator because I noticed it was dirty. Of course my whole refrigerator needs cleaning, but the one shelf was what I really noticed.
Brenda says
Thanks for the encouragement Auntie Leila. You are such an inspiration and help. I find if I'm struggling through the day if I just get up and start doing SOMETHING it helps. It causes me to think about other things and I'm getting something accomplished at the same time. Another good tip is to do something for someone else. At times I just sit down and start writing a couple of encouraging notes to people I know who are having a difficult time. They are blessed and so am I.
As a side note, any way of having a meet and greet in Mass?
Becka says
You are so right about just taking care of the thing that is bothering you. You don't need to vacuum the whole house if there's just a bit of sock lint on the bedroom floor! I have found it helps me to plan one cleaning task each day. Often when that task is accomplished I find the energy to do even more.
Mama Rachael says
I so needed this post today. What timing!
Thank you for the encouragement. I will pin this post, then head off to get dressed.
sarah says
Oh, I love these down to earth posts. They really make me feel there are others out there like me! I just dug up one of my old video tapes from childhood (80s again) but Ginger loves it. It is a Patsy Biscoe video who is an australian performer but basically straight nursery rhymes and songs. I see she does still have DVDs out. Here is a link to a sample. There is quite an array of clips on youtube for her, so they might buy people some time.
I had to laugh because my other favourite blogger posted today on overwhelmed mothers and how to get your groove back (http://theparentingpassageway.com/2012/10/16/getting-your-groove-back/)” target=”_blank”> http://theparentingpassageway.com/2012/10/16/getting-your-groove-back/)” target=”_blank”>(http://theparentingpassageway.com/2012/10/16/getting-your-groove-back/) and it strikes me that you two must be peas in a pod, because it is not the first time you have posted on similar topics at around the same time; and it often coincides with when I am needing the advice. Love these tips.
Mary Ellen Barrett says
Such excellent advice and encouragement. Thank you.
Lisa says
You made me cry and I don't even have a baby. That was 15 years ago tomorrow that he was born. What a soft, gentle, motherly beautiful way of,encouraging young mothers. Thank you! I needed someone to say that to me 15 years ago. I do most of what you recommend naturally, but back then…..plus depression….owwie! Blessings!
Emily says
Little Bear is the BEST television show for little ones. It is peaceful and sweet and on Nick Jr Multiple times a day (we DVR it). I've also seen DVDs of Little Bear for $5 at Target and other stores.
Lisa says
I whole heatedly agree. I want the soundtrack but have never stumbled across it. Just the music during the opening credits soothes me.
polly says
I just love your wisdom!! It is spot-on.
One of my favorite pick-me-ups is to put in a load of laundry. If that washing machine is going at least SOMETHING in the house is being productive. And it sounds like progress, to me. And cleanliness. It makes me happy.
I will tidy one spot, like the coffee table or end table, that is always visible to me. If I tidy that up (not even clean it off–just make NICE STACKS!) and fold the throw blanket and put it neatly over the back of the man-chair, and straighten the pillows–that's a 2 minute investment of time that makes me feel like I'm actually on top of things on Those Days.
I also like to light a candle during naptime. I don't know why. Light a candle and drink a cup of tea and regroup. even if it is only 10-15 minutes (usually that's all I can buy b/c my oldest doesn't nap), it helps.
Outside time is probably my #1 thing though. If I'm holding on by a thread, we get out the door. I always feel so much better.
An early bedtime (for the babies) and knitting while watching Pride and Prejudice never did me any harm, either.
Katie says
You are lovely. I am forwarding this post. Freely admitting here to being one of those oh-so-pulled-together Mamas, but I have tired days, too. Thanks for the reminder that it's okay to be gentle to oneself (and a little gentler on those around us).
April L. says
You're spying on me, right? You must have poked around in my house yesterday and seen how much I needed every word of this. 😉
Jenn says
This is a gem of a post…. just lovely. When I needed a soothing DVD for my daughters when they were young, I would choose Little Bear or Kipper.
Mary Ellen Barrett says
I love Kipper for the little ones. So peaceful and sweet.
Mary Emily says
“A good supply of underwear is key…” LOL!!! Thank you for this — really needed your help this morning. And no good excuse — kids are all at school, house is passable, but…I'm not pulling it together.
Leah says
Oh how I needed this today! I was sick for a week and on top of that I threw my back out. I don't have to tell you what my house looks like. Lets just say that it is bad. I dressed the kids in their last pairs of clean clothes and their daddy took them out of the house for awhile. I was sitting on the couch feeling sorry for myself and so overwhelmed! Where do you begin when EVERYTHING needs to be done? There isn't even a mug clean for coffee.
I'm going to start with a shower and go from there. You make today seem do-able. Thanks.
moey says
I'm trying to move my family of eight overseas. Before Christmas. To start over. From scratch. Again. Your post brought tears to my eyes because daily, hourly, I'm overwhelmed. And I'm tired, I don't sleep. Your words are kind, gentle and understanding — thank you.
Dixie says
Oh, Moey, my prayers are with you. We have had to do that, too, although not with a family as large as yours. Remember that it's the days leading up to (and of) the move and then maybe the first two weeks that are the hardest; after that, even if it doesn't get easy, it will get easier…
Judy says
Dear Moey,
In July, we moved back to the USA from Japan with six of our family. So I know how you are feeling. Things got crazy in May, and we are finally starting to feel just a little bit together around here–October. So take those little breaks and rest when you can–even a 10-minute break from the packing or unpacking can be refreshing if you make a cup of tea and look out the window or go sit on the front steps. Just like Auntie Leila says.
When you get there and are unpacking, make one room look pretty as soon as you can. Hang your favorite picture. Then you can go and sit in there and forget for a few minutes that the rest of the house is still disorderly. That is how I am coping with this school room mess–the living room is peaceful. 🙂
My prayers will be with you in the coming months,
Judy
Roxie says
I love this post! So practical and REAL. Thank you Leila! Please write a book about common sense motherhood some day soon. Young mothers need to have this as a handbook!!! Your compassion and humor are wonderful. God Bless.
Joana says
Is that rooster from Portugal? I'm pretty sure that is a “galo de Barcelos”. 🙂
I'm a huge fan of your blog!!!
Joana from Portugal
_Rosie says
Yes, it is – I brought it back after visiting Porto and Lisbon with my choir in college. 🙂
lydiacubbedge says
This actually made me cry! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have been wondering what to do about my day to day life for the last month. I'm in the last couple weeks of pregnancy with a four year old constantly imitating a sheep in the next room. I'm exhausted, I oversleep every. single. day. I have no dishwasher. I spent the last week doing deep cleans and continuous cleaning because my MIL, who has, shall we say, opinions, about me and my capabilities, was here. My house is not a complete wreck, but enough of one in spots where it's just utterly depressing, and I literally can't stand at my sink for longer that five minutes. I have a little game plan now. I am going to shower!
Rachael says
Oh, I needed this friendly word today! Despite my own need (or because of it?) I'm going to add another tiny bit of my own advice here. Instead of (or, even better, as well as) making a to do list – which is a v. useful tool but can overwhelm the truly discouraged – try writing a “what I did” list. Put down everything – even the stuff that doesn't appear to have a tangible result or will need doing another dozen or so times tomorrow; every laundry reboot and fold, every snack, meal, wipe down, littles wash – etc. Our culture treats these acts as irrelevant and unworthy of attention, but they need doing and they TAKE TIME. One of my biggest demoralisers is seeing all the things that I didn't do on a list and wondering what happened to the day; if I write it down as I go I can look back and see that I DID achieve needful things, and I can take some satisfaction from that. Unless I spent way too much time in front of the computer, in which case the list gives me a needed kick in the pants and the feeling that I really do have time to do better tomorrow! Use your lists – don't let them abuse you!
Jeanne says
Hi, this is my first time commenting here, but I love your blog! Your advice and wisdom are such an encouragement.
My kids are 7 on up to 21 now, but when they were all toddlers and I was exhausted all the time, I wrote a “liturgy” of scriptures, prayers and quotes that helped me face another day. I just posted it on my blog recently: http://atahenspace.blogspot.com/2012/09/liturgy-f…
I'm with Polly–getting a load of laundry started makes me feel instantly more productive. And I love your tip about getting off the computer–also a key. Also, while I am brushing my teeth at night, I find that I often think of things that I really should have accomplished that day that are becoming more urgent…so I keep note pads in the bathroom to jot them down. Then in the morning, there's my list of the top 3-4 things I really need to do (and it's a good day if do at least one of them!).
For naptime videos, we had a series of 30 minute animal videos that I was always happy for them to watch…I remember watching National Geographic as a child and learning so much! The kids weren't as enthused to watch these as they were for a full-length story, but it would occupy them for the needed time period and no more, without guilt for me–science lessons! We had Eyewitness videos, and a National Geographic series called Really Wild Animals. The Schoolhouse Rock videos were also an approved option.
Blessings–
Jeanne
Barbara says
What a lovely, positive post. You certainly know how to make lemonade, dear lady! I haven't had one of these days in a long time, mostly because my youngest child is now ten and the oldest 22, but also because I always have “something pretty” beckoning me, usually several things crying out to be worked on.
Katie says
Thanks for the great post! I am 12 weeks pregnant with our 4th and adjusting to low energy keeping me from all I'd like to do. This time around I am doing lots of the things you suggested. I love the Catholic kids cartoon DVDs about St Nicholas, St Patrick, Saint Bernadette (available on Catholic online stores if you google it)but Disney Junior gets decent air time in my house. I also try to be grateful for why there are messes- because we have a happy young energetic family and I wouldn't want it any other way. Oh yes, and loving babysitters make all things possible.
San says
I really, really needed to read and here this today, so thank you, thank you for once again sharing your wisdom and humour.
xx
Dusa says
I don't have kids, but I work full-time and with my commute, I'm gone from home 10.5-11 hours a day. So on my days off, I can easy fall into “it's all too overwhelming”. Thank you for this!
Sara says
I love this post! I do many of these things already, but I can always use a reminder. Plus, it's nice to know I'm not alone! I really like the Beatrix Potter DVDs (we have both volumes)— single stories or two combined in one episode. They are only about 30 min each, not flashy and the music & live action footage at the beginning & end are lovely. We found the complete series on Amazon inexpensively. Another good series is the Wind in the Willows (from the early 80s). They are on DVD as well, and they are delightful. It's stop animation & again, not at all flashy. We had already read the Beatrix Potter stories and Wind in the Willows to our children, but they enjoyed these as well.
Vee says
Question about which version of Wind in the Willows. Does the cover have a pond scene in purple colors? The one I'm looking at is from 1998 or so. Sounds interesting!
Maria says
I wish I could have read this when my girls were small and I was exhausted and the house was much worse than it is today, but it still does me good to remember that I can take small steps toward tackling those big chores, instead of letting the bigness of them defeat me.
Videos my kids would watch when I needed to crash: Blues Clues; Franklin (very often avail at the Christmas Tree); Scholastic storybook videos (collections of four or five classic storybooks with the actual illustrations animated and the stories read aloud) — you can very often find these marked down at TJ Maxx and Marshalls. Now my girls listen to the BBC read-alouds of the Narnia books on CD. Over and over and over again.
Christina A says
Love the Scholastic Storybook Treasures!
The Happy Mother says
A friend from college taught me this lesson: on days when I am in “survival mode” (ie: dealing with morning sickness, right after a baby is born, or any other time there seems to be too much for me to handle in one day) I try to get three things done before 10 am: 1. make my bed, 2. start a load of laundry and 3. know what is for dinner. I find that once I do these things, the rest of the day seems to fall into place. And you are right about the shower. Feeling dirty makes me feel like I am stuck in yesterday and unable to function today. My best piece of advice for new mothers is to take a shower before your husband leaves for work! Even if you're heading right back to bed to catch up on lost sleep!
Liz K says
oh my!! Thank you! Just to sit down and write out this comment has taken me a hour. Really, between the baby, the 4 year old and the 5 year old, the neighbor dog and some mud, it's been a morning. Oh, and did I mention we moved to Costa Rica from Michigan three weeks ago? And that most of our life is still in bags and trunks? And that the house we moved into was filthy!! So bad, my husband had me hire a neighbor lady to come help me clean for three days. So thank you…I needed to be reminded that it's ok if it all doesn't get done, that yes, I do need to create something other than food to stay sane and that yes indeed, my heavenly Father loves me and wants good things for me today. Thank you!!
Becky says
We watch a lot of Kipper and Curious George. Kipper dvds are perfect for mommy naps. They tend to be 45 min-hour and the voices will lull you to sleep. The individual episodes run around 7 minutes which is perfect if you want to pop in some laundry, change a diaper or pee all by yourself. Curious George really does do a good job with basic math and science concepts. It gets a little louder than kipper but is still good. Scholastic puts out the storybook treasures sets which can be good but you need to screen them first before just popping them in- some of the stories are not always what we're looking for. Pingu is a wordless show that comes out of Switzerland and is available streaming from amazon and netflix. My first choice tv channel for when you MUST just turn something on is Sprout. It's a subset of PBS. They do show some commercials but they are always very young child safe and are very infrequent. The shows are all quite wholesome and work well for everyone under about 7. They tend to show a lot of BBC and CBC shows as well as PBS fare- kipper, thomas, fireman sam, etc…
Also, for all the pregnant moms- during my last month of pregnancy with #3, #1 and #2 would regularly curl up on the bed to watch streaming netflix on the bed while I took a 45 minute nap and no one's language skills seem to be impaired. 🙂
When things go really south, I tend to pile everyone in the van, pop on a dvd and drive to Sonic for sundaes- sometimes stretching the trip to arrive home at the same time as daddy. Everything seems better after ice cream.
Becky says
Oh! Almost forgot! y favorite thing about pregnancy is that even when you are just laying there you are still being productive- you are growing a person! 🙂
Rose says
Oh, thank you!
priestswife says
about 'making things' – I always think of the part of the Bible where Dorcas (Tabitha) dies and all the women are showing the things that she had made- St Peter raises her from the dead!
I don't know where I heard this but-
moms should 1. clean kitchen and bathrooms every day so that health inspectors won't condemn the house 2. do one short cleaning/organizing project a day that can't be undone by the kids (so like, organize a drawer, purge a pantry shelf) 3. work for a short bit on one creative project every day (knit, crochet, sew, write, paint for 15 minutes- yes- this is possible- by no perfectionism)
Grandma G says
Even though my kids are grown and long gone, your words still hit home for me! Oh, that fridge….! We actually did have hot dogs and baked beans (from a can) for supper last night, with a fresh tomato from the garden. Yep, a shower, which is next after I get off the NordicTrack (because exercise is a biggie for keeping sane)… then a nap. 🙂
One of my most-favorite-ever quotes: “You can't do everything at once, but you can do 'something' at once.” Sorry, don't know who said it, but it's so true!
Kelley says
I needed this so much. Thank you. It is very hard to explain to my husband. He is very helpful, but he isn't,t surrounded by it all day, so its nice to hear from someone who truly understands. It bothers me that things get dirty and on the floor so quickly, and it is hard to keep up with. It seems like I'm always looking at something i need to do. Rereading your tips on putting the kids to work (5,5,4,1) 🙂 and trying to put some focus in it. Anyway I was getting blue and your post was perfect.
Kathy says
Thanks for the earring reminder. It does make such a difference when I see myself in the mirror. I do need to replenish my supply of fun, non-dangly earrings though, as my youngest is heading for a grabby stage.
We love Baby Signing Time (my oldest is just 2, so mileage may vary). Mom has to watch at least once or twice herself though, otherwise, the kids will try to talk to you and you wont' know what they're saying!
Anne says
Kipper! Such a cute, sweet, funny, relaxing kids cartoon! My 4 year old thinks he's outgrown it, but if I put it on he still loves it. There is a whole series of them on Netflix.
A shower, clothes (including REAL shoes, something with some support), and a cup of tea are almost guaranteed to get the day started. Sometimes it is still a lot of will power to get the kitchen to the point on clean counters but once I get there I am human again and will probably even sweep the floor and throw in a load of wash! Thanks for this advice. I think of you nearly ever morning!\
Francesca says
Thank you for a great article about how to pull it all together as a mom! We do so much but we still need to care for ourselves. I love my nap/rest time, time to read a book or just close my eyes. Do it almost daily and it helps. Thanks!!
Rhonda says
very good advice- when my children were young and we had those days where they were getting to me, I would dress them in their cutest clothes-
having one of those icky weeks right now- I am 54 and still not menopausal and really tired of this monthly stuff, and just found out that my husband has to have another major surgery- his knee replacement is broken, it was first injured when he was a Marine at the very beginning of the Gulf War- it will be his 7th surgery on that leg and this one is just not easy for me to cope with.
now, I am going to mirror to check my eyelids…….
kathi says
what does it say about me and my days that this is the most profound, most encouraaging things i've read in weeks?! i love #4 (so. true.) and getting outside is something i literally have to force myself to do … but it always helps.
thank you!
Melanie says
Oh, you are so sweet. 🙂 Are you a fly on the wall here? My kids are watching “Madeline Goes to Cooking School” as I type. Rescuing a bad day/week/month starts for me with one of the things you mentioned, a list for tomorrow. usually that particular day already feels so flushed down the toilet, but making a list of a few things to work on the following day helps me wrap my brain around it all. Having a plan to get back on track, even on paper, helps me feel more on track I guess. And time outdoors is another good one. The kids that drive me to the brink indoors are charming and sweet outside. 🙂 I also love the cat nap. A long nap makes me feel worse. A quick catnap on the couch while nursing is a lifesaver after a long night.
Amanda says
Milo and Otis is a good quiet movie for kids in the afternoon. So glad to have someone else admit to putting on a movie to catch a doze on the sofa 🙂 It's my #1 survival tactic for the first trimester when I can barely keep my eyes open.
I so agree with Polly that putting in a load of laundry somehow makes me feel much more productive. I've found that on busy or tired days if I just get the dishwasher and washing machine running after lunch and then go take a nap or shower I feel so much better. There's something about the busy hum of working appliances, plus the machine is working away while I rest and it conveniently stores the dishes/clothes until I can get back to it after my down time 🙂
Julie says
Thank you — I needed this! I don't have anything to add except a great little children's program to consider for TV time (while mom is resting her eyes, if need be). We're loving (LOVING) the new PBS series, “Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood.” It's the only program that we make sure to catch if we can. My two-year-old pays attention the whole time and the lessons are great. You can also watch episodes on the PBS website.
Lorraine says
#11 Go read one of Leila's posts. It always changes my mood and brightens my day. This one is great!
bkmaedel says
The way I feel about this post sums up my feelings about your blog in general: real, practical & honest. Thank you for always sharing a bit of humor with your wisdom (“postpone the reckoning and still keep your dignity” is my particular favorite gem in this post).
The Beatrix Potter series is a wonderful calm little break in the day for kiddos. I look forward to checking out some of the other suggestions.
Jeannie says
Leila, you are spot on with this post! Personally we really enjoy the Beatrix Potter(BBC) cartoons that are out on dvd. My kids have been begging for them. We also really enjoy Little Bear. Nothing offensive and they are short. Not daily, of course, but on those days when you are really in need of a 20 minute doze just so you can wake up and not sleep walk through the rest of the day or get started prepping dinner. A lot of prep can be done in 15-20 minutes.
As an aside my kids have the Milo and Otis movie and have enjoyed watching it. A cousin gave it to us for a birthday and her son, who was 6 at the time told my daughter(the recipient) that he had that movie and it was “dumb”. We enjoy Milo and Otis :).
Michelle says
We have the recent documentary “Babies” on my laptop and ipod. We don't ever sit down to watch the whole thing, but there's no plot, really, so it's easy enough to pick up wherever and watch for a bit.
Mary says
Dear Auntie Leila,
I love you. This post had me suppressing an irresistible urge to kiss my computer screen. You always know just the right thing to say…thank you!
P.S I am coveting your gorgeous couch just a leelee bit, please tell us more about it?
MacKenzie says
Great post! I just had baby #2 three weeks ago and while he is a pretty easy going guy, DD#1 is 2 years old and taking the adjustment hard and showing it in many ways that take some of the joy out of our house and take me back to survival mode. But I have managed to shower everyday this week and with one exception I got that done by 9am – a miracle in my book!
As far as movies, we don’t have a tv but the original madeline’s are available online on netflix and we also like Cailou which is available there too. It’s a slightly older pbs show but slow paced and the boy actually likes his baby sister (a fact we are stressing a lot these days 🙂 We also like the Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (but not the new ones). It’s longer but we can always stop at the “chapter” breaks.
But now I need to go back and read the rest of the comments.
Monica says
I second going outside. Another thing I do when *I* am having a bad day is to make sure my kids are having a good day, otherwise my mood is contagious. This is the day when I will make homemade pizzas that they can roll out, top and cook, or the day when I break out the paper and paints for art time. When the kids are having so much fun, it's hard to stay grumpy and overwhelmed.
Elaine says
Some fantastic thoughts here – thank you! My additional suggestions are:
– take a vitamin B pill, regularly, even if you think you don't need it. Always, always helps with the tiredness.
– pick some flowers from the garden (if you are lucky enough to have a garden, that is).
I also recommend some very sage advice on Taking Back the Day from the wonderful Elise at A Path Made Straight : here:
http://mamahooper.blogspot.co.uk/2009/03/taking-b…
Anne Marie says
Oh, God bless you, Auntie Leila! Just the right reminders (ad new stuff) at the right time. . . .
I hear you about having a project, and your insight about GETTING STARTED is right on. So true!
For sweet, soft videos, we love “The Red Balloon” and Raymond Briggs' “The Snowman.” We're expecting #5 in six weeks — this is the perfect time to stock up on a couple of fresh ones, so I'll be looking into your and others' suggestions. Thank you!
And congrats on that beautiful new grand baby of yours! I loved looking at all your photos. Very sweet.
Pippajo says
I'm still chuckling over, “strategizing ways to unload the dishwasher without activating the trombones in your head”! For me, it's really more like the violins from the shower scene in Psycho, but I get your point.
It seems like every day has been a rescue day over here lately. I'm constantly putting out small fires, frantically prioritizing what is the minimum I can afford to accomplish today! Thank you for the shot in the arm and for helping me remember I've been forgetting to take my iron. I'm so exhausted I'm nodding off by 4:30 no matter what I'm doing!
Anyway, I've found, over many years of trial and error, taking two steps forward and one step back, that getting dressed and putting my contacts in are essential in order for my day to begin productively. Actually, if I may be so bold, it's putting on a bra that is important. I can stay in my pajamas as long as I put my bra on underneath. For some reason if I'm…um…unfettered…I can't accomplish anything! So get the girls corralled, my friends!
Also, when I find I'm really chasing my tail I stop and make sure the dishes are washed and my bed is made. Then I move on to whatever is causing me the most angst at that moment and I do that. Sometimes I find it necessary to bag whatever was planned for school that day and do a project instead. We did an impromptu lesson on Piet Mondrian the other day that was relaxing, fun AND educational. It helped to save the day!
And NEVER underestimate the power of a good, strong, hot cup of lavender earl grey tea!
I have to echo what several other posters have said: the Beatrix Potter animated movies are wonderful! My kids watched them all the time and I'm really sad that they're too old for them because I miss them! We also like Phineas and Ferb and Shaun the Sheep for older kids and Calvin really likes Mythbusters (all streamed on Netflix). My kids are old enough to entertain themselves and stay out of trouble if I'm asleep, but it doesn't hurt to keep their attention fixed on something just in case!
Megan @ The Ipps says
I too like other women needed this wonderful post! It can be so easy when I'm at home all the time to want to escape onto the Internet or just check Facebook one more time. I get the attitude that I need a break and NEED to get on the Internet. Instead, I really should go grab a prayer book, light a candle, or sit quietly if chaos erupts. I start to get angry that I did not get anything accomplished and the house looks horrible. I get upset, because when my husband (who truly understands when there are rough days) gets home I want it to be relaxing and clean. I start yelling more, getting flustered around 4PM. That is the time when a nice movie or library books come in handy. I have also noticed not only do I need to take my vitamins, but I need to make sure I'm getting good protein throughout the day. I also noticed that soy and processed foods can really mess with my temper. Last, it helps when I am just truthful to my husband (I message him on FB or e-mail him) and tell him that the house may be a wreck when get home.
SaraM says
Like others have said, Kipper is where it is at. I think I may have scarred my two year old by making him a Kipper cake on his birthday. He doesn't want to watch it since then! We do like Pingu, which is a claymation show about a little penguin. Both are on Netflix.
Suzanne says
You are such a down to earth person…….you were just writing about me…………werent you…? you can see me sitting here in front of the computer in a trance , while the house work piles up………..Im going to have my iron tablet right now…and put a load of towels on…x
alpineflower says
Thank you. Yesterday was beyond rescuing, but today was better. As usual, your realistic approach to parenting and homemaking give me hope that shouting down the screamers, while not the ideal response, is not the sum total of my children's experience with me. I have it in me to be a tiny bit better, even if right now what I really need is a nap.
Yes to Kipper, Pingu and Blue's Clues. All peaceful, friendly, and easy to fall asleep to.
Sarah says
Oh Leila, how I love you!!!
Julie says
Thank you for this post. What with homeschooling for the first time this year, re-learning how busy a two-year-old can be, and moving, I've been feeling more than a bit crazy this month. I so appreciate the time you take to write these kinds of posts. So many of them have helped me feel like I really can make it through the difficulty of that particular day.
Erin says
Wow! lots of words of wisdom here!
Shawna says
You were in my house today…watching my check email while the dishes piled up. I know you were!
I love you Auntie Leila. This post is spot one.
🙂
Gently Led says
thank you! I was up a lot last night w/ a sick child and this is exactly where I was today! Love your blog always, and it's so good to be reminded that it's not just me who sometimes has a hard time of getting it all (or even partly) together.
annparri says
Oh this was sooo needed today! I've been burning the candle at both ends for weeks now, and I've gotten myself a cold and headache for all my trouble. My solution – sit on the couch all day and crochet (unfortunately not for fun – I've got a deadline rapidly approaching), and put my kids in front of the tv.
To make myself feel better, I've put the dvds onto different languages (currently we're watching Winnie the Pooh in Hebrew), it makes me feel that I'm still contributing to their education even on a day like this!
Robin says
Thank you, thank you. It's so nice knowing that others have days like this, too.
Fast meal: using your mac and cheese method, I make a pot of pasta, mix a couple of heaping spoons of pesto into the slurry of milk and cornstarch (I tell my friends this is a “deconstructed white sauce”)( *bows*), and mix in some sliced chicken sausage from the freezer. Finish it by mixing in some shredded cheese off-heat (mozz or jack). Yummy and fast!
Sarah says
Brushing my teeth makes me not eat stupidly and makes me feel more like a grown-up. This only takes a minute and can be done with one hand while holding a fussy baby/toddler/three-year-old. Post-lunch teeth-brushing really sets up my afternoon.
katie says
Beautiful post! I'm always so encouraged when I come here (and convicted, but in a good way). I've got a smaller family (7, nearly 5, 3, and nearly 2) so we're just now coming out of the desperate baby years and I can really see the difference in our house. Knowing you're all going to sleep through the night EVERY night (outside of emergencies and illness) does a lot to lift the spirit. We love Kipper the Dog; it's mellow and relaxing, but engaging and charming at the same time. Perfect when Dad's on his way home, I'm trying to make dinner, and the four of them have squared off against each other.
Amy Caroline says
This is pure gold. I love this post. Thank you so much! Oh and Signing Time is our go to for videos when the kids need some quiet time. You do need to watch it with your kids a few times, though, too, so you can learn the signs. Otherwise you won't know what is going on when your toddlers comes up to you with quickly moving hands expecting you to understand it is morning and she wants an egg.
But later… later, you can nap, knit, sew and they will watch it intently and learn something at the same time.
Veronica Greear says
Leila, YOU ARE such a gem. How much do I wish I knew you?! I have my mom and sister both reading you now and we just love you. Sane, gentle, reasonable advice that one can live with-and i mean live in the same way John 10:10 does:) Thanks for this-being sent to some preggy mom friends and some friends with depression…
Anne-Marie says
Make your bed. It only takes 30 seconds but it instantly makes the whole room look better, and it gives you one restful place to put your eyes even if there is stuff strewn all over the floor.
We liked Beatrix Potter and Magic Schoolbus. Also short videos about fire trucks, construction equipment, etc. And a team of singers, twin brother, called Gemini–don't know if they still exist.
I laughed about the underwear. I knew a couple who got into lots of arguments over the husband's supposed slackness in doing laundry. It turned out both of them thought of laundry as a chore to be done when there was no more clean underwear–but the husband had more pairs than the wife.
Barbara H. says
Great post. besides some of the things you mentioned, sometimes doing something that makes me laugh helps — watching an old episode of Cosby, looking at Tim Hawkins videos on YouTube, reading the jokes in Reader's Digest. Or accomplishing some small task, no matter how minor, makes me feel like I've accomplished something that day and boosts my spirit.
Jen says
Thank you Auntie Leila. You have been a wonderful mentor over the years! I needed a rescue one day last week – I think your suggestions are exactly right. My kiddos are a little bigger now (5-15 years old) so Little Bear won't cut it anymore (although it was great for the preschool years. But a movie for all of them with a big bowl of popcorn while mommy has a little “read and rest” in my room is usually very well received by all!
Anne says
Wonderful post! I'd just add that if you are still draggy after doing all of these things including taking iron, you should get your thyroid checked. I was feeling increasingly fatigued for years, but put it down to caring for nine children plus normal aging. After discovering a goiter during a routing check-up, my family doc sent me for blood work. Turns out I'm extremely hypothyroid. Within a few weeks of taking synthetic thyroid med., I began to feel so much better physically, mentally and emotionally!
Lauren says
Thanks so much for an encouraging post. I have two young children and a fulltime job and some days ( well most days to be honest) just seem overwhelming at the moment.
Cheryl says
thank you for your post! I really enjoyed reading it. I have 7 children and waiting for the arrival of #8 (over due for the first time) I feel overwhelmed most days trying to homeschool and keep up the house and oh we moved into our new house about 2 months ago so I'm trying to get as many boxes as I can unpacked so I don't have to look at them while I'm nursing the baby:) Thank you for the wonderful tips, I especially liked the tip to wash the little ones faces and get the hair out of their eyes. Sometimes this eludes me.
ginger says
When I read your item about dinner I thought to myself “hot dogs and slaw” laughed out loud when I scrolled down.
We took a week off homeschool….boy is it difficult to get back in. My son sat down, cried at the look of the math, and I sent him and his sister for a nap, and made myself some afternoon coffee…..
Breaks are nice, but it's hard to get back into the swing of things,,,,,smoothly, if ya know what I mean.
Natalie Boudreau says
ok, i don't buy books; usually just check out from the library…& if i LOVE it and will read it over and over, then maybe i'll purchase. What i'm trying to say is, I WILL BUY YOUR BOOK:) i love this blog and often refer to old posts…so, there ya go:) God Bless!!
Jessalynn says
I so needed to read this post today. Thank you for writing it. I've never read your blog before but feel very grateful to have found it today! I will be checking out other posts. 🙂
nlkamper says
Ok, I needed to read through this AGAIN!! And I think I am going to write out all ten tips and stick them right above teh sink…thanks!
Lindsey says
Just wanted to chime in with a movie suggestion for very young children – Stella and Sam. The DVD series is based on a set of books by Marie-Louise Gay. (It's a Canadian series, so I'll link to amazon.ca.) Besides its charming, whimsical artwork, I love its gentle yet fun pace. One of the best things about the stories is that they show a good relationship between a big sister and little brother. Stella takes good care of Sam and takes him on many adventures. Using your imagination and playing outside are a big part of the shows too. There's no whining or talking back, and I've found it to be a good influence on my 3 1/2 year old, who has a little brother! http://www.amazon.ca/Stella-Sam-Follow-Suivez-moi…
LadyLily says
I have found that going for a walk outside with my son is a fantastic way to deal with stress and general yuckiness. I always feel better afterwards 🙂
Laura @ Mothering Spirit says
This list is incredible. I’m so grateful to Abbey from Surviving Our Blessings for sharing it on FB today. Bookmarking for a future draggy day since they always emerge, although I feel better about them just knowing this collection of positive, empowering, practical ideas is at my fingertips. Thank you!
Hafsa says
Leila, the last two collective memory posts have inspired me as a young mother. Please never stop what you’re doing. Your tips, suggestions and encouragement are just what this mother of four, four and under, needs to read. Thank you for all you do. So much wisdom in your words.
Gwenny says
We don’t have cable, or a dvd player, or a television, actually so I can’t buy DVD recommenations. When I need a nap though, the children use the ipad and we have an amazon prime membership. Here are my favorite shows: Mr. Rogers (yes! Amazon prime has at least a dozen seasons of Mr. Rogers available!) Daniel Tiger, Kipper, Little Bear, and sometimes Caillou and Little Bill. If we can get our schedules to coordinate, I adore The Friar on EWTN.
My two least favorite shows are Veggie Tales and Sesame Street because they are loud, boisterous, and contain too much adult humor. And because they seem like they would be a good idea but then actually aren’t. Not knocking anyone who uses them, I just don’t like the way my children act afterwards. I’ve actually thought a great deal about qualities I look for in children’s shows. Ideally, the pace will be slow, puppets and songs will the used, the main character will look directly at the camera and speak directly to the audience (as in Mr. Rogers and the Friar), and the humor won’t be aimed at the adult watching with the child. There aren’t a lot of shows out there like that! So the other shows we like are at least slow paced, and might include songs and direct gaze with the viewers.
Katie says
This is so wonderful! I am sitting here, with my children asleep, after a bad day. If only I had found this yesterday. Is there a post somewhere that gives a good framework on how to schedule your day when you are surrounded by little ones? I think that is my problem, our days are all over the place. I think my children would do better if I had more structure, yet every time I write out a schedule it is always over the top and falls apart rather quickly.
Thank you!
Leila says
Katie, I am not sure if I have written about that exactly, although I do have many posts about life with littles. I will think about it!
Laura says
I just love every word of this wise advice. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve reread it. I have probably commented the same here before, too. But truly, it’s EXACTLY what I need on jagged days. Like today. Thank you for pointing the way towards survival. And maybe salvation, too.
Leila says
Thank you, Laura! I hope tomorrow is better 🙂
Margaret says
1) I rescue a bad day by saying a rosary. If I really am just wasting the time unsure of my next move because the day just isn’t going well I figure I might as well say a rosary. When I’m done I usually get up with some thought as to what to do. Although that may be only a small thing. I’ve had weeks where the only daily accomplishment was some thing like straightening the utensil drawer.2) I also have a Mary statue in the kitchen and I either light a real candle (or battery-operated if there are littles about) next to it and say a quick prayer to Mary and do some task that I’m not in the mood for. 3) any small task no matter how small counts towards the day not being a totally bad day 4) DO SOMETHING I LIKE! (even if it’s for a very short period of time!)