A while ago I had a series of breastfeeding posts.
I began with this title: Every mom can nurse her baby! — and of course heard from lots of mothers who said they just couldn't breastfeed, no matter what.
Some were mad, and I really feel like they didn't read what I said. They took me to mean that every mother can breast feed her baby.
Wait, isn't that what I said?
Not exactly.
I do think that the vast majority of women can feed their babies milk from their very own breasts. It makes sense that if your body can have a baby, it can also nourish the baby. If you read old books and look at old pictures, you start to realize how much collective memory we've lost, because women always did manage to feed their babies themselves, for the most part (just like everything else, subject to issues on the margin, which they solved by getting someone else to nurse the baby or by mushing up bread in milk and feeding that to the baby on the end of a rag — and I grant you that those don't seem like very good solutions to us). And it wasn't a big deal at all.
Today we have nice bathrooms (thank goodness and can I have one off my bedroom, please?) but are a little wacky when it comes to feeding our children, and I don't even mean mother's milk. A whole lot of Americans can't even pack a lunch for a child, apparently, but that's another story.
Bottles come in handy when you find yourself on that margin — in the small percentage who can't feed their babies from the breast. Not to mention if you've adopted a baby you are going to be mighty glad for bottles, and if you are very ill after giving birth, like I was once, ditto.
Did you ever read any Dickens? He will talk about a young girl nursing her baby brother. What do you think he meant?
Nursing means holding, comforting, caring for. It means achieving that level of intimate communication with a non-verbal person that you know whether his cries mean his tummy is uncomfortable or he is hungry. It means rocking and singing to and cradling and knowing each others' special smell.
Every mother can nurse her baby.
Every mother needs to take care, in our ridiculous running-around world, that she is on baby-time. You have a lot of obligations and a lot of places to be. When you breast feed, the logistics of it all pretty much demand that you stop what you are doing to hold the baby. You can't very well prop your breast! If you bottle feed, you are sore tempted to prop and hand off and otherwise just mainstream that baby into the wild river of life.
I just want to encourage you with practical advice so that you can act on that little thought that has been lurking in the back of your mind that maybe things aren't quite right, but you don't know how to solve them! Maybe you can increase your odds of getting out of the margin and into actually being able to breast feed your baby. That's why I posted 8 Random Nursing Tips and asked you for yours.Dear Stefania sent me a nursing tip and gently reminded me that I had closed the comments on that post, so she couldn't put her tip there. Usually around here people chime in with good discussions in the comment section. I guess on some topics I just feel like the conversation is likely to get heated up really quickly, and there are other places for that.
Luckily, our readers are really perceptive, and I did get a lot of emails with good tips that you might find helpful.
So here are some tips and comments from our dear, sweet readers! I offer them in the spirit of sitting around the kitchen table, telling each other our experiences, and learning so much that might help.
Marla: I never comment, but wanted to say that you are so right about breastfeeding. I'm so glad I was too young and uneducated to know what a hard thing it was. Not that I didn't have sore nipples or problems along the way, but I have breastfed all 7 of mine. Including the one who was so tongue tied she turned me black and blue until I found a doctor willing to clip her tongue (sometimes you have to be a little stubborn about these things).
A friend had reported a similar case. Never in my wildest imagination had I thought that a doctor would overlook a tongue-tie problem! It seems like this is smack-dab in the middle of the pediatrician's job description, namely, investigate physical problems that might interfere with healthy development.
By the way, my friend's baby's tongue-tie was on the side, near the back. A nurse suggested looking there. So yet another case of Mom, ask questions and insist that your worries be addressed. It is not normal for a child to have difficulty nursing to that degree, or for you to be black and blue from trying to feed him.
Sarah: I'm going to give your tip a go — about swapping baby after five minutes, as Tabitha (still, at nearly five months) never takes the second side. I put this down to me having so much milk in the beginning. She didn't need the second side then to be full but does now – but I think the habit is already well engrained. The child health nurse told me that she should “only feed every four hours by now,” but Tabitha still likes to snack – she might nurse for 5-10 minutes (if I'm lucky) and pull off, then want to eat in an hour or two.
I would say that a five-month-old can certainly go three or four hours between a couple of feedings, but will still need a few that are closely spaced. Learn your own child's rhythm and help it along by trying to nurse on both sides for each feeding. Just make sure that he is completely draining the second breast so that he gets that important hind milk. In a few days, the fore/hind milk issue should sort itself out.
In other words, don't nurse for five minutes only on each side! Just that first side if you are having the difficultly I was describing in my post — that the child falls fast asleep and will simply stop nursing when detached. Please read the tip and the follow-up and comments again if you don't understand what I'm saying.
More Sarah: For baby's extreme discomfort on one side: Get your child's spine checked by a pedeatric chiropractor. Though a fussy feeder all around (and still is), Tabitha was particularly fussy feeding (lots and lots of screaming) from the left side. Since having treatment for a neck problem, probably caused by delivery, she now takes the left side happily (well, at least as happily as she takes the right). It has made a massive difference to our breastfeeding experience.
Oh, and another tip about feeding strikes – Tabitha was on one for three days at one stage and we saw three different doctors, none of whom could find any medical cause (though in retrospect it could have been her neck troubles) for her refusing the breast. One of the doctors said we should just put her on a bottle, but we perservered. We gave her dream feeds at night and while she had naps so I knew she was getting adequate nutrition and liquids and the whole problem resolved itself in a couple of days. In subsequent research I have found that feeding strikes are quite a common occurrence at the 3-6 month stage, but most don't go for as long as Tabitha's did.
Barbara: After giving up on child number one after one week (and no milk yet!), I was riddled with guilt for not trying hard enough and was bound and determined to nurse child number two. He screamed for a month, I kid you not. My own dear husband begged me to give him a bottle — that’s a whole nother topic entirely!
My nipples were too flat for him and/or he just couldn’t latch on well enough. The best thing I ever did was use milk cups/breastfeeding cups. Not nipple shields, but plastic cups that mother places in her bra that not only forces nipples out but catches the letdown on the breast baby is not nursing on (and if you sterilize those cups you can save the let down milk — sometimes more than an ounce of precious breast milk).
Also, my son rejected my right breast after a couple months or so, probably due to tonic neck reflexes (he just preferred to have his head turned a certain way) and I continued to nurse him for 12 more months on one breast only. He was a chubby as could be (though I was a little lopsided!) and I found, after reading up, how important it is for baby to drain at least one breast to get the rich hind milk — the fattening stuff.
If baby only drinks the fore milk from both breasts it could be the reason he is hungry all the time. Your advice for baby to switch breasts shortly after starting was good — baby can drain the second breast and get a good bellyful.
Michelle: I have really enjoyed the last few posts, you are so very right on the “freaking out” attitude that has permeated into the world, but especially in the world of motherhood and caring for new babies. Our newest baby has just turned two months, and honestly I always freak out about being able to breastfeed with every child we have had. My first experience with breastfeeding was almost a complete disaster that recovered around six months when I stopped listening to everyone and every paper and book and just followed instinct. Needless to say things have gotten progressively better with each child and this fourth baby has been the easiest so far. 🙂
One of the things I like most about your site (and you) is that I have been able to get the advice that the women in my family were not able to share (just not very open or willing to talk about life). Your girls are blessed, and I am grateful that I found your site it can be very comforting. 🙂 Hoping to be there for my children, especially my daughter in that way.
A tip that I wanted to share for any of those moms out there that feel they are not making enough milk. Oatmeal in any form works wonders. My favorite is oatmeal in cookie form. It works almost immediately, I can actually feel it working. I have a really great breakfast cookie recipe that I will post on my blog soon if you would like it let me know.
And… as a last resort beer and fenugreek…not necessarily at the same time. A beer works almost as fast as oatmeal, but there is the alcohol factor, and fenugreek takes the longest to work but is effective.
{This email reminded me that my mother's doctor prescribed a Guinness a day when she nursed me. I personally am not a beer fan; it's all iced tea, all the time, with me! I never knew that about oatmeal, but it's worth a try. And I looked it up: Fenugreek does indeed help with milk supply.}
Sara: I've nursed four babies (one with a bilateral cleft lip & palate even – that was by the grace of God!!!), and I got infections with three. My fourth is almost a year, so I'm still nursing and enjoying it. Your suggestions were great and some of the tricks that I figured out along the way. I just wanted to mention that there are these great nursing camisoles. I bought mine at Target. I love them because they have the little flaps that you can fasten at the top and your belly is covered while nursing. I've also taken cheap tank tops and cut flaps, so I could tuck in the tank top and use a regular nursing bra and keep my belly covered–especially when it's cold!!! Just wanted to pass that on! I love your blog.
Stefania: I have a five-month-old daughter and a two-year-old son. I nursed my son for a year and weaned him beginning at 10 months. I didn't love nursing, but I did love the benefits of it. I pray I can nurse this second baby 12 months, as well. I was talking to a friend recently and I shared I was ready to introduce solids to my baby (thinking it might help her sleep a bit longer because for “some reason” she's waking more frequently at four months–duh! Your blog just reminded this new mama of that 4 month growth spurt!!!) Anyways, my friend (being a wonderful friend) gently reminded me, via your blog, of the natural spacing issues and low supply that can occur when we introduce solids. Needless to say I am drinking my 8 cups of water and finding peace nursing my little one. Like you said, it's only a short time, and I know that one day I'll miss these days. So, I'm waiting to introduce solids for a little longer. My baby girl is chubby and healthy and eats and sleeps (mostly great). I often forget that each child is different and while my supply was up for a year with my son, it might change with my daughter. So, thank you for your insights!
The other reason I'm writing is that I wanted to share this little gem I discovered during my second pregnancy. You mentioned bras and nursing gear in your post. Have you heard of undercover mamas? I don't have any affiliation with them, just that I really like their product. They solved the “cut out a whole in your camisole to hide your wobbly tummy issue.” Just thought I'd let you in on them 🙂
Thanks for your blog!
Stephania, I like those camis — maybe a nursing co-op could buy them wholesale.
Listen — don't forget tip #1: three quarts a day at the minimum while nursing! Eight cups of water = two quarts — not enough! Get everyone around you into the habit of bringing you a nice drink when they see you sit down with the baby. It doesn't have to be water. Stay away from drinks with high fructose corn syrup (most sodas and bottled fruit juices) and aspertame, AKA “natural flavor,” (most sodas and bottled fruit juices). Decaf iced tea, lemonade, beer — all are good.
I also have a separate round-up on tips from readers about avoiding and curing thrush.
Do you have any tips to add? What is the best nursing advice you got?
Lori says
These are great tips — sometimes it's just the simplest thing that helps, but we need somebody to show us the way!
Lela says
This might be of a help to someone else. I have 3 children, two I even birthed at home. Nursing the first one was a disaster, the “lactation consultanat” at the hospital really didn't know what she was doing. I cried and cried and didn't make it past 6 weeks and felt guilty. Baby #2 I nursed 4 months, got an infection so bad my milk kind of dried up on one side. I cried and cried and prayed and prayed, Baby #3 I nursed fully, she wouldnt even take a bottle of pumped milk till around 6 months. So of course that means I was in nursing range of her for those 6 months. I think by baby #3 I finally really knew how my body worked and what a baby needed. Try, Try again!
Deanne says
I am from Australia and we use the word nurse/ nursing to refer to holding the baby and not necessarily breastfeeding. Can cause some problems when an Australian mum asks an American friend if she would like to nurse her baby!
Great that you are sharing wisdom and experience with other mums. I was a breastfeeding counsellor for 11 years and my biggest tip is to get support from knowledgeable women who have also fed their babies, in the states that would be LLL in Australia we have the Australian Breastfeeding Association.
Lindsey in AL says
That happened to my aunt 27+ years ago. She was so flustered she just said “ok” and was pleasantly surprised when her Australian friend did NOT breastfeed my infant cousin 🙂
Mary in MI says
Haha, I had a wonderful Australian neighbor who babysat my first baby while I finished my MA, and when I told her “I’m not sure what to do about naps, I’ve always nursed him to sleep,” I was slightly taken aback when she said “All right, I can do that!” But I felt too awkward to ask exactly what her plan was! I suspected she meant something else, and I soon figured it out…but she was an older more experienced mom whom I regarded with a certain amount of awe, so possibly I wouldn’t have argued if she had decided we were going to have a communal breastfeeding experience!
Jennie C. says
Love this post! Mamas supporting mamas. 🙂
Breanna says
I second the fenugreek and also fennel, although I loathe the way fennel tastes. Traditional Medicinals makes a tea called “Mother's Milk” that I used a total of three times in the course of nursing three children–it was that potent–each at about 6 months, when my kids got ravenous. Drink ONE cup of the tea and wait a few hours, or you'll get engorged.
The other thing, this one from my grandmother, is to not let your breasts get cold, or you'll be susceptible to mastitis. I know that sounds crazy, but it's true–especially *wet* and cold is bad. This means you have to wear cardigans, change your nursing pads promptly if you leak, and consider something less clammy than those disposable ones–I have a pair of felted wool pads from Norway that are divine, but suggest just taking old wool sweaters from Goodwill, layering them together, sewing around the edge, and felting them in the washing machine. (The Norweigan ones were $30, and they're totally reusable, but I leak for the first three months breastfeeding and I go through 3-4 pads a day, so a full supply would be way too expensive.)
And take your prenatal vitamins still!
Breanna says
Should have said, cut the old wool sweaters into circles before sewing/felting. 😉 Make them about the size of a salad plate before felting, they'll be the right size after.
Joy says
Fenugreek is great for milk supply. So is extra liquid, and pumping the side you are not nursing while nursing. I ended up hospitalized and on drugs that were supposed to dry up my milk supply shortly after baby # 2. But, so thankful for a hospital doctor that supported nursing. She let my 8 week old room in with me, and got me one of those powerful hospital breast pumps and recommended fenugreek. And the extra effort kept my milk from drying up.
erichorne says
“Mother's milk” tea is awesome. I can't stand the taste of it either though!
Liz S says
tongue tie is a huge issue, and its true, many doctors do ignore it! I have six children..the first five I nursed till 18 months or so, produced tons of milk, never had an issue. #6 came along and wasn't gaining weight and I didn't even realize that it could be because I wasn't producing enough! Turns out he was tongue tied and nursing incorrectly so he wasn't stimulating me to produce enough milk. poor little guy. Our doctor implied it was because i was too busy and stressed to take the time to nurse. give me a break…nursing is my downtime…i wouldn't give that time up for all the world! Finally the lactation consultant figured out the issue and got me producing more. The point is, don't always believe the doctors! My husband is an MD and he is the first to admit that doctors don't know as much as people give them credit for! A good lactation consultant is awesome and so are blogs like this where we can share collective info. Thanks for your blog…I love it! God bless!
Kirstin says
From an adoptive mom… thank you for reminding me that I surely can and am indeed nursing my baby!
Maryanne says
I am pumping milk for twins and wanted to pass along some advice. Please do not take Reglan to increase your breastmilk. It's used off label to increase milk production. I suffered from two bad panic attacks while taking it. I found out afterwards that this was a not uncommon side effect.
Kari says
agreed! It works for some, but if you have ANY history of depression, anxiety, PPD, etc in your family it can cause those things. Happened to me too.
Kari
Dixie says
Echoing some of the comments, yes, isn't LMLD wonderful? You ladies are so encouraging to me.
Regarding Stephania's comment, hurray for Undercover Mama! But, being large-busted, I actually like Modest Middles (http://www.modestmiddles.com/)” target=”_blank”> http://www.modestmiddles.com/)” target=”_blank”>(http://www.modestmiddles.com/) even better. They don't go over the bra, but still keep your middle covered and warm, and aren't as binding as a Bella band. They are a smaller company and don't have a fancy website, by I love their undershirts.
Maia says
Another alternative is the Baby Be Mine pregnancy band (available on Amazon). I purchased for pregnancy, love them for extra shirt length when not pregnant and GREAT for covering tummy while breast feeding!
CMerie says
So I have a question and I'm not sure if you've addressed it in another post somewhere. But with a larger family, what are your tips for surviving morning sickness (for me it's all day). We are expecting #4, and I'm finding it much harder this time to cope. I just don't feel like I have the option to hold the couch down all day, but I don't have the energy for much more than that. And making meals? Blah! It makes me want to run to the bathroom just thinking about it.
I recently read book 2 of Kristin Lavransdatter. With all of her babies, she was sickly throughout. But it never talks about her laying around all day. Actually, I think she managed to run the farm still (who else would do it?). Anyway, I would love tips on coping if you have them. I have tried Sea Bands (I'm wearing them now, though I'm not sure if they are working), ginger ale, crackers, ect. Eventually nothing seems to work and I end up losing a few pounds by the end of my first trimester.
Kelley says
That was very hard for me too. Also being so tired. My sister in law told me me too keep a big ziplock bag in my pocket:). I was thinking about that when I was retreading little house on the prairie. That would be so hard to do all that while pregnant.
_Leila says
CMerie, I haven't addressed this because I am sheepishly admitting that I was hardly sick during any of my pregnancies. A little queasy some more than others, and always tired, but nothing like many women go through.
Maybe we will have another post about it, but in the meantime, the remedies I've heard of as really working are the Vitamin B6 and 12 — take with C for good absorption — and a progesterone cream, which you can buy on amazon here http://www.amazon.com/Natural-progesterone-hormon…
or request from your pharmacy.
I've heard that acupuncture helps as well.
Take your iron! xoxo
Breanna says
Ginger ale didn't help me–a thick slice of ginger in the bottom of a cup of hot water, with a bit of honey/lemon juice did. And I threw up, every single day, for seven months with my first pregnancy. (With a girl. With my boys, no puking.)
Jenny says
AAAHHH!!!! You are one of *those* women! 🙂 I have a friend who was having some medical issues and didn't find out she was pregnant until she was 14 weeks along. How is that possible? She said she was only a little tired. By 14 weeks I am hanging on by my fingernails praying for the torture to end. 😛 I would give birth three times a pregnancy to avoid the first twenty weeks. I was supposed to take an extra iron supplement the last pregnancy but just couldn't manage it because it made me so ill. I'm ashamed to admit I am more than a little jealous of these “just a little tired” pregnancies. 🙂 🙂
Even though I have been ill through multiple pregnancies, I have no good advice to offer except never let your stomach be completely empty, eat what you feel like eating, and don't stress when the house goes to pot.
Barbara says
Popsicles helped me through all my pregnancies — something about the frozen combined with the fruitiness. In my last pregnancy I ate minute maid juice pops (they are not on a stick). I think everyone has their one thing that helped them through.
Also, I have a friend going through treatment for breasted cancer who said ginger tea worked instantly to help her nausea.
Sara says
Lemonade & potato chips really helped me with my last pregnancy—a twin pregnancy! Never vomited–just nausea, but eating chips & drinking lemonade eased the queasiness, so I could eat real food (most things anyway). Also, taking a nap every single day helped me tremendously. I have six children and homeschool. Thankfully, my husband works from home, so he was available to be a listening ear when I took a nap. The older four kids all had a daily quiet time, so I just napped then. That was the only way I made it through the extreme fatigue of the first trimester.
erichorne says
Everyone always recommends light foods for morning sickness which I tried to follow at first, but someone finally advised me to stay away from carbs (especially simple ones) and eat protein consistently. I found I went from being totally incapacitated to at least being functional (I still often felt slightly nauseated) . For me there was a strong tie between blood sugar swings and nausea which eating protein helped alleviate. It was hard though sometimes to make myself eat it, but always felt better afterwards.
Anne says
I think Popsicles help some, I got the Edies whole fruit kind…maybe they're more like food than some? I felt like if I could just find a pop that was a meal I'd be good. 🙂
With my third pregnancy I took prescription nausea meds. I'm not going to tell you I felt great, cause I didn't, but I was functional, which with two toddlers and a husband gone 12 hours +/day, was essential. Seriously, it helped so much. I still felt queasy, but I had more energy and ate more and vomitted only very rarely.
Also, I found that I can take my prenatals (plus magnesium and vit d) at night as opposed to in the morning That way I am taking them on a full stomach instead of an empty one and sleeping when they would be making me fell yicky. I did not figure this out till preg. number 3, but I think this made a huge difference how I felt.
Stephanie says
I was horribly nauseous with #2, mildly with #1 and #3. Eating plenty of protein definitely helped. I'd eat literally every hour for awhile. I eventually caved with #2 and took B6 combined with Unisom (sleeping pill). This combo used to be sold as an aid for morning sickness, and still is in Canada, but was pulled in the US due to concerned about birth defects (never proven and as I said, still used in Canada. My mom took it with 2 of 3 pregnancies). Of course nobody should take my word for it, but my midwife was ok with it after I tried all the more natural remedies. The other thing that seemed to help was to cut out dairy. I've had issues with dairy on and off my whole life, and at 9 weeks with that pregnancy, something about the horrible taste in my mouth made me think of dairy, and within 48 hours of cutting it out, I went from needing medication to be functional to the typical queasiness. I'm sure it won't work for many, but I've decided food sensitivities may play a role for some women.
sakina says
Hey!
Marie I had nausea all 9 months with both my pregnancies!
I took Diclactin here in Canada (prescription medication).
That said, making sure my stomach was never really empty really helped because once it was, the nausea set in and made eating anything else super hard!
I hope you are able enjoy some of your pregnancy soon.
Stephanie says
Yes, that's what I took, except as I say, it's not sold in the US, so you have to DIY with B6 and Unisom. 🙂 It really did help, though it took a few days to adjust to–Unisom is a sleep aid, so for a few days, I had to make sure I had a safe place for my toddler if I literally couldn't stay awake. Thankfully, that faded quickly.
Helene says
Much happiness to you and congratulations on your new baby! I was quite sick with mine. Going to bed early and napping during the day helps. I used progesterone supplements for my last four babies and that helped, too, I think. Stay hydrated. Eat what feels good. Even if that means hot salted spinach AND a hostess cupcake. I needed that once. Lean onto friends and family in this season. It will not last forever!!
Anitra says
Ginger EVERYTHING (I even used ginger lotion and ginger shampoo during my last pregnancy), liquids, and rest.. and if all else fails, ask your OB/GYN about anti-nausea drugs. I needed to be on Zofran for almost 3 months with my second pregnancy – otherwise I could not stay vertical long enough to keep my toddler out of trouble.
_Leila says
Dear CMerie,
I keep meaning to add — as so many have mentioned ginger and you are
suggesting that ginger ale doesn't help much — do note that the
ginger ale you get at the supermarket doesn't actually have any ginger
in it, or very little 🙁
So, either get real ginger ale or grate some fresh ginger into some
soda or tea. Just stay away from a lot of soda and certainly from high
fructose corn syrup in your soda — also, \”natural flavor\” which is
aspertame. I know. Scary.
CMerie says
Wow! Love all the advice! I have to keep reminding myself that for me, being sick is a very very good thing. So hard to do when the house is going to pot. I'm finding that mineral water like S. Peligrino is helping. I bet if I put some fresh ginger in that it would help too.
I'm at a countdown right now. I keep saying “4 more weeks, 4 more weeks and it will be over.” It's good I get so much energy in the second trimester. My house and family are going to need some TLC. Just in time for the holidays! 🙂
Maia says
Magnesium! Check for deficiencies. Bulk up prior to pregnancy. During pregnancy a nice soak in an Epsom salt bath is borderline-divine. I am still exhuasted. Nausea is not so bad, though.
Shawna says
Great post Leila, and what beautiful hydrangeas. Love them!
Thank you for the definition of the word “nurse.” I wholeheartedly agree. I breast fed my first three. My 4th came by adoption only 10 weeks after my third was born, so I was able to breast feed him too. It was a lot like breastfeeding twins.
Now, my 5th also came by adoption, but we only knew of her exisitence 1 hour before she was in our arms. There was no time to relactated, and it had been years since I breast fed. Also, state social services was involved, and they tend to frown on new-fangled ideas like a “wet nurse.” Too many germs, you know.
Anyway, breast feeding was not an option with this precious one, but despite it, I have whole heartedly “nursed” her. I learned from my sister, who for other reasons was not able to breast feed, some great tricks for nursing with a bottle.
First, MOM does all, (or at least ALMOST all) the feedings. So important for establishing that primary bond. Hold the baby in nursing position. Of course, HOLD the bottle for baby. Always. Even after they could hold it themselves. Transition them from bottle to cup, just as you would from breast to cup. Mom holds they bottle, they may hold the cup.
Maintain eye contact, hold their little hand, cuddle them up, and actually, it does feel a whole lot like breast feeding. The only thing I haven't figured out is how to lye down and nurse with a bottle. Which is a bummer. But in all, I feel like the bonding between my baby daughter and I has been just as deep as with those who I fed at the breast.
Mamabearjd says
The hydrangeas are lovely. My friend, I have no idea why, sent out an excerpt from Tina Fey's book, where she rages against those who promote breast feeding (except that it's funny, right, so that's ok!?). Once again I feel less marginalized when you speak common sense.
Mamabearjd says
Also I would add that I had a skimpy milk supply but struggled through with 4 babies, supplementing as I had to…so you don't have to embrace the “all or nothing” mentality that creeps in. I saved two from hospitalization from nasty stomach viruses just giving them what I could. (not sure why my milk is always low. I have a low thyroid that responds well to treatment). Fenugreek works but can give you tummy trouble. I'm a big believer in bedtime beer for nursing moms.
Jordin says
The best advice i was given was to take it easy on myself.
The best advice i can give is to contact Le Leche League (http://www.llli.org/)” target=”_blank”> http://www.llli.org/)” target=”_blank”>(http://www.llli.org/) . LLL is considered to be the most knowledgeable group in regards to breastfeeding by the World Health Organization. They helped me nurse my adopted child.
As for 'Nursing” a child, just take time and be with the baby. They grow too fast to worry about getting everything 'accomplished'. Just way too fast.
Claire Michelle says
We so need the collective memory when it comes to this stuff! Gotta rebuild it in some ways, too. I am a lactation consultant, but nothing to add at this time. Wonderful advice, and such an upbuilding tone coming from everyone. I Love it that you also consider the natural child spacing that comes with fully Breastfeeding! By the way, these lovely photos prompt me to ask, what is the name of the yellow in your kitchen? It is very cloudy and dark here in northern Indiana, too, and that sunny color is perfect! Have you ever thought of painting the dark brick of your kitchen chimney?
_Leila says
Thanks, Claire! the yellow is Hawthorne Yellow from Benjamin Moore. I have to say I love it.
I would like to make the bricks lighter, and my plan is to mortar them with white mortar, as what it has is very deep right now and would take a powerful lot of painting. But I have to find out how to do it 🙂
Emily says
Claire, I'm in winter-dreary Indiana too (not dreary these days, is it!?! It's golden.), and, after painting my whole kitchen, found Hawthorne Yellow to have significant gray undertones that were nothing but cheery in this light…Color is such a funny thing! I went with Benjamin Moore's yellow lotus, and it's glorious, especially in the morning sun. Sorry, don't mean to redirect the comment thread here.
Julie says
I have nursed all 4 of my babies, all well past the one year mark. When I have a newborn, I nurse them in bed all through the night mainly because I'm too lazy to get out of bed every hour to nurse 🙂 It really helps them adjust to life outside the womb and get on a normal sleeping schedule, and also helps me (and my husband) get some much needed sleep. Of course, I just sleep with a light sheet and minimal pillows and make sure my bed is very safe. We also bought a firm mattress since I was planning on nursing in bed.
I've always had c-sections, and it is hard after the surgery to get positioned nursing because after a c-section you can barely lift your baby. Don't be shy about asking for help! And use a pillow so you're comfortable and so your arm has support. Every time you nurse, make sure you are comfortable!
With my 4th child, I had major nipple pain when he was first born. For over a week I was in excruciating pain every single time I nursed. My nipples were raw and blistered and refused to heal. One of my friends recommended using lanolin and Medela Hydrogel pads, and what a miracle product that was! After less than 24 hours of wearing the pads any time I wasn't nursing, the blisters were finally able to heal and I never had another problem nursing after that. I have also had many cases of mastitis while nursing, most of which I never take the antibiotics for but instead take major doses of garlic and olive leaf extract and get lots of rest. I also never take a fever reducer, because I believe that fever is necessary to clear the infection. I usually notice that my mastitis was caused by a milk bleb, which can actually be cleared using a sterile needle and lots and lots of time in the shower manually expressing the clogged milk duct. Sounds gross but it works for me.
For my third child, I was given a Hooter Hider nursing cover. I only wish they had invented those sooner! That is one of two baby items I can't live without (the other is my Ergo baby carrier-be sure to buy from a reputable source since there are dangerous fake Ergos out there)! I carry my nursing cover in my purse so I have it at all times.
I wear nursing pads when I am producing a lot of milk, but find they get soaked quickly. So, if I am in public, I stuff a folded baby washcloth on the other side so I don't have a huge wet spot on my clothing. I also put a washcloth or burpcloth underneath the baby to catch any drips. Otherwise I just try to wear shirts that don't show liquids as much. I'm thinking black is a good nursing color. I guess I'll be reminded in a month when I have #5!
Drink plenty of water or mother's milk tea (best hot with milk and stevia). Eat plenty of healthy foods. Enjoy the fact that you can be lazy about feeding your baby solids because they are getting all they need from mom. I usually hold off on solid food until they are grabbing for it. Oh, and I also take advantage of the time nursing to get in some really good read alouds for my other children. And my final piece of advice is, don't be shy about nursing in public. You can nurse AND still be modest. Get 2 cute covers (one for the house and one for your purse or diaper bag) and don't feel like you have to isolate yourself from the world just to feed your baby.
Phyllis says
A friend of mine gave me a Bebe au Lait cover which has been great for nursing while out and about (or at home with movers everywhere). But a thin blanket that I could tie around my neck has also worked just fine in a pinch. I also recommend the Traditional Medicinals “mother's milk” tea if you are having trouble with your milk supply. Thank you for all the tips and encouragement!
Margo says
The oatmeal really does work for increasing milk supply!
As for morning sickness, I had it. What worked for me was to avoid strong cooking odors, especially frying. I wonder if a mask would even help…? And also to keep a little food in my stomach at all times. I walked around with cheese sticks, saltines, hard boiled eggs (my midwife recommended protein) and peanut butter apples. And if I felt hungry for a specific food, my husband was GREAT at procuring it and that helped a lot.
Anne says
I have also found that I am much more likely to be able to eat a food if I don't have to smell it first! I'm not sure why that is…my husband is wonderful about cooking for me when I'm pregnant.
Emily says
I nursed my sweet babe until she was 21 months, and it just kinda trailed off. How I miss it! And how I thank God that after a terrible labor and two weeks past due, she came out with a perfect latch and breastfeeding was completely natural and peaceful. It was a balm in the midst of great physical suffering and guilt from the labor. And oh the joy of having her in bed with me and just turning over to let her nurse away in the night… And I have such sweet memories of dozing off on the couch in the springtime sun, her little nursing fluttering away to sleep, me closing me eyes, perfectly blissful… I have such sublime memories of all of it! The sweetness of the first and only child with whom you can surrender the responsibilities of a whole afternoon without much consequence!
Question: Now, about 10 months past weaning, I can still get a drop or two of milk out of each breast! Is this normal???
_Leila says
Emily, yes. It's normal 🙂
Breanna says
I like Ina Mae Gaskin's book on breastfeeding–it's pretty balanced, although you do have to just sort of look past bits of loopy philosophy–she mentions a lot of historical data about just this sort of thing. For instance, grandmothers being able to relactate and nurse their grandchildren when a mother died. We have a story like that in my family, of my mom's grandmother able to nurse an orphaned baby that showed up on their farm, years after she weaned her last baby. We always thought it was a miracle or something strange in our genetics, but turns out it happens more than people know.
Emily says
Oh, and also, my best advice: Your main responsibility that first month or two is to work on baby's feeding/nursing. It is so important to take time to be removed from the world and to be on baby time. And that time's main objective is nursing, in my opinion. Sleep schedules will take care of themselves along the way (I was so worried that I was creating irreversible sleep habits at 6 weeks, and I found that was simply not the case). Getting your figure back will work out along the way (and breastfeeding helps). Your social life will return. But all those things are so secondary, in my opinion, to creating the nursing and breastfeeding relationship.
Sarah says
So funny to see my own comments from 2 years ago! It is amazing to think that our little boy is almost the same age Tabitha was then. I should say that about the 6 month mark many of my early issues with excess milk resolved themselves and I happily breast fed Tabitha to 20 months. In fact, I sometimes still have a bit of sadness that I stopped then but I was already pregnant with our little boy and wanted her to forget her feeds so we wouldn't have any jealousy about it:)
Many of our feeding problems with Tabitha stemmed from trying to follow a routine with her in the first couple of months and then taking her to England to the in-laws at 10 weeks. No wonder the poor thing went off her food – she was stressed out!
I would say that I think excess milk can be a pretty major issue for the Mum (rather than the baby) because for me at least I couldn't even feed in public because my let down was so strong it would shoot the milk up to a metre away, and every feed meant a change of clothes for both Tabitha and I. It meant I was pretty much a recluse for a couple of months while the worst of the excess milk sorted itself out:) I don't think there is a lot of realisation about the self-confidence issues this has for a new mum. When I discussed my issue with my young GP she said that “most women have the opposite problem” and left it there. Needless to say I changed GPs to a woman who actually had had children and was much more concillatory – no useful advice but much more sympathetic!
In terms of engorged breast which has happened to me for both children when my milk came in, and I think is pretty common. The best advice I got was from my mother-in-law – cold cabbage leaves over your breasts will reduce the swelling and cool them down brilliantly. With Tom Kitten I even got my husband to bring some into the hospital; one of the nurses commented that she hadn't seen anyone using them for ages:)
Had to also say I second the other Australian reader who commented that, to us, nurse means to hold. Breast-feeding is what we would term 'nursing' and in fact our breastfeeding assistance organisation is called The Breast-feeding Association, though in the past it was the Nursing Mothers' Association.
Beth says
I know the most important thing for me when I breastfed my first 21 years ago was having a support system. My husband was 100% for me breastfeeding, my mom said “get the shot that will dry you up and give a bottle”! That's what she did with all 7 of her children and they turned out alright, didn't they? 🙂 My husband and good friend who is a lactation specialist helped me through a rocky start. So glad I persevered but without the constant support and encouragement I would have quit after 2 days. I in turn became a lactation consultant with our local WIC program. I must say there were several women who could NOT breastfeed but I did encourage the aspect of “nursing”, showing the baby love and giving it attention during feeding. It's time well spent. Thank you for your insightful post.
Becky says
The thing about breastfeeding that surprised me the most was how different it was with each child (Noah just weaned at a little over 2). Charlie was a “lazy” nurser and would nurse quite frequently and for very long stretches. I struggled with mastitis and thrush with him. I was shocked when Megan came along and was done for 3 hours or so after about 10 minutes. Nursing her was a breeze with no infections, etc. Noah was a very agressive nurser and wanted to nurse constantly. I tried sooo hard to get him onto a pacifier or thumb as he left me with terrible blistering but he wouldn't have it- I finally just had to pass him along to Daddy to settle when I needed a break. He really tested my commitment to breastfeeding.
They all weaned at different points (I went with the don't offer/don't refuse method for the most part) but it seemed linked to when they got their eye teeth- once those cut, they didn't seem so interested in nursing.
I had some oversupply problems with Megan and Noah and the thing that helped me most was switching to block feeding. They could nurse as often as they wanted but only on the one side for 2.5-3 hours. This made sure that they were getting plenty of fore and hind milk while also allowing for comfort nursing. I found my supply would even out after a few days. I was especially helpful after a growth spurt or if they were sick and nursing more than usual, causing my supply to get a little over enthusiastic.
Cathy says
I didn't read all the comments, so maybe this is in there. Marshmallow helps a great deal with milk supply. The herb, not the sugar fluff balls. I nursed all nine of mine and used marshmallow with every one. Three to six capsules a day plus lots of water.
Betsy M says
Oh funny, I never knew there was a herb Marshmallow!
Ellen says
Thank you for this post, Auntie Leila! I'm going on month 6 of breastfeeding my first baby and reading your anecdotal posts back at the beginning (and before baby came) were very helpful! I think it also helped that I come from a breastfeeding background: my mother breastfed all seven of us and my older sisters who became mothers before me all breastfed their children. I think it really helps to have that familial background and perhaps in this day and age that is what is most lacking with new, young mothers.
My two cents is hardly worth much, but when asked for it, it boils down to two things: Stick with it, and do it your own way! There is so much pressure from medical professionals in that first month to get the baby to gain a certain amount of weight, and it just takes a little longer with breastfed babies. I know better now, and I will not give in to self-doubt and internal anguish over the whole thing. Such feelings no doubt lead to diminished milk supply anyway! As for the doing it your own way, well, everyone has their opinions and advice and you just have to take it as such. Breastfeeding is such an individual thing between you and the baby that you can hardly do the same exact things with each child (I would imagine) much less the exact same things that your girlfirends do or your sisters or Mom do. Do you know what I mean? I think it's so important to utterly devote yourself (as Emily above said) for the first 2 months at least to getting to know your little one and getting your own little rhythm, just the two of you. Like I said, your anecdotal wisdom, Auntie Leila, was very helpful to read and keep in the back of my mind, but when it came down to it, we just had to do things our own way. Isn't that the beauty of it all? Anyway, as a new mom, it can be really intimidating to read everything that's out there about breastfeeding, cosleeping, babywearing, etc. Sometimes you are made to feel like you're not doing it correctly if you don't do things just so. Now that my baby is almost 6 months, I can finally relax and know that we've found what works for us!
Thanks again for the advice and the encouragement!
Dixie says
I would also really love to hear anyone's thoughts what nursing is like beyond 12 months. My daughter is almost 13 months and still a very avid nurser. I am on board with continuing to nurse, but…when does it end? That sounds ungrateful, but I have dysphoric milk ejection reflexes (DMER — basically, a surge of anxiety and other bad feelings for a couple of minutes with every let-down) and along with it very mixed feelings about nursing. I love the closeness, but hate the anxiety and the exhaustion that feeding another person from your body brings. How does one stay mellow and accept the sacrifices of motherhood — especially the physical ones (nursing, exhaustion) — in this “culture of freaking out?”
Breanna says
Nope, not ungrateful–I understand not liking the feeling of nursing–felt like fingernails on a chalkboard sometimes. I generally got it when I was nursing and got pregnant again, but I told the Husband that I understand now why cats push their kittens away when they're weaning them.
I nursed all my kids past a year–13 months, 15 months, and 18 months. The last one was the hardest to decide to wean, because I didn't have a pregnancy to decide for me (I get terribly sore nipples when I'm pregnant). Basically I weaned him when he was eating table food well and drinking from a cup, and when he was only nursing for quick five-to-ten second hits. These were so annoying and painful to me, and he was only nursing to connect with me, so I decided we'd figure out another way to connect. So now we rock in a special way, and that helped us wean. The hardest nursing time to give up was in the middle of the night, but it only took a few nights of experimenting before we found another way to help him get back to sleep. You'll get there–consult your intuition. You know what you have to do to preserve your sanity, your family's sanity, and baby. You'll know when it's the right time.
Joy says
Dixie I have one that is nearly 13 months also. He is my fourth. I have nursed them all about 13-18 months. My husband does not love to see them nursing much past walking age, especially in public, but they are still such babies in so many ways. I offer food and milk in a cup many times a day. For bumps and bruises, I offer milk in a sippy cup and distraction first, but if they are still upset or in pain, the comfort of nursing seems to help. I try to start teaching them to nap without always nursing, but keep the night time nursing the longest.
I had one who was a very avid nurser, and did not want to accept distractions. Finally stopped cold turkey with her at 14-15 months, and she screamed in anger for three hours the first night I did not nurse her to sleep. Not sure if I did the best thing or not, but, I loved her, made a decision about what we were going to do. Parenting is not easy, and some of the decisions are quite hard.
Stephanie says
Wow, good for you for nursing so long with DMER–that must be really hard! I have 3, and their nursing personalities have all been so different. One was still nursing almost every 2 hours (even at night) at a year, the other every 4, maybe. The youngest (13 months now) is somewhere in the middle. He'd probably nurse more often if I sat down more, but with my older 2, that doesn't happen as much! One thing to remember is that nursing is a relationship. Your daughter's needs are important, but so are yours. If you feel you need to cut back on nursing for your own mental well-being, that's ok. The choice doesn't have to be giving her free reign or weaning completely. Toddlers are able to accept limits, even though sometimes they don't like them!
Anne says
With my first baby I nursed till I was pregnant with my second (12months) then decided I needed to wean. I would distract him at his regular nursing times by going on a walk with him which he loved and found very soothing. The last feeding to go was that early morning feed which I was finally too morning sick to get up for. I nursed my daughter (number two) a little longer, 14 mo (also weaning when I got pregnant again) I helped her get ready to wean by offering her other easy snacks and hugs whenever she wanted to nurse and then slowly explaining to her that nursing was something we only did in private, and then only in our pajamas and then only once in the morning…I guess all this is to say that maybe you could give weaning a try but take it slowly, and be aware that they need more comfort and soothing in other ways as they give up nursing. 🙂
Dixie says
Thank you so much for all your kind replies! You've pointed out to me the real issue, which is that I'm not sure whether I need to really nurse on demand with a child this age. On demand equals very frequent nursing for my little one, especially now that she has a word she uses to ask for is (“Ziss! Ziss!” — who knows why. Very cute). She eats a lot of solids, too, but sometimes I think, do I just need to offer her some cheese or grapes instead?
I know that I'm going to continue nursing at least for a few more months, but I may try to slow her down/restrict her a bit on days when it is really getting to me, as you suggest. It's true that an anxious mama equals an anxious baby. Thanks!
Oh, Auntie Leila (and Rosie, et al.), thank you for this site!!
Erin says
I nursed all mine into toddlerhood (the older two until age 3, the youngest is 12 months currently), and as they get older, the nursing relationship does change. I know mine, by about 16 months or so, could truly understand when I said things like, “We'll nurse when we get home” or that sort of thing, or, “Mommy is cooking; I will nurse you when I'm all done.” They get to that point where they can wait longer and it was really a gradual, lovely weaning process. Somewhere between 12-24 months, they seem to go from nursing more for nutrition to nursing more for comfort and connection.
My pediatrician has said not to use bottles after 12 months because they start to affect the jaw/tooth structure and alignment.
Maybe “ziss” means “this?” My second baby said “iss” while pointing to everything when she was that age, and we finally figured out that it was like she was saying “I want this,” or “What is this?” as she pointed to things!
And good for you for nursing for 12 months with D-MER!! You have made a wonderful sacrifice for your child; how lucky she is!
_Leila says
Erin, I agree with you about gentle putting off and in general weaning gradually. You have to be creative about meeting the toddler's needs as well as your own.
I don't agree with the pediatrician on bottles after a year. They always say that and it's just not true — sucking helps with jaw development, and some toddlers are just to active to nurse without wearing mama out, as discussed above. I just don't agree. If they can nurse until whenever, they can have a bottle until whenever.
_Leila says
Dixie, I hear you. Some babies are really babies at 13 months. Others are little toddlers, racing around. My first two were walking at 7-8 months! By a year, they were on the go for sure.
As to the DMER, I can't relate, but I will say this — sometimes in life there are things we know are good to do, but they hurt. If you can offer up the suffering of those few minutes, offer it up and join it to Our Lord's suffering (that we may make up what is lacking the suffering of the cross for the salvation of souls — St. Paul), we are doing more than just gritting our teeth and bearing it!
Meanwhile, let's think about how to lessen the demands of this baby. Read this post about introducing solid foods, http://www.likemotherlikedaughter.org//2010/11/a…
And think about working in an orderly way to help your daughter start to get more calories from table food.
I agree with Breanna about thinking about how animals handle their — well, irritation! — with their babies. They do just push them away or swat them! Not that I'm advocating being mean, but I think that redirecting a demanding child's attention is valid. When my babies started literally crawling away while nursing — because they were so darned interested in all that was going on around them!! — I just did away with those feedings. And I am not opposed to offering a bottle instead — to a toddler. Not to an infant. To a toddler who is wearing you out.
Think of it this way. You've given her your all. Now she's on the go. She still needs to suck. You need to gather your own forces about you. I think giving her a bottle at this stage (well into the eating table foods era) is just fine if it helps her relax and feel the calm that sucking gives. Later, she can wean onto a cup — and all mine did with no trouble.
Dixie says
Yes, I think you're right. She is definitely a toddler, and perhaps that means that it's time to start expecting her to adjust a little more to our limits rather than being on-demand with things in general. What a joy to have the chance to figure this all out! I have started “putting her off” when she starts to ask to nurse right before a meal, and she is eating more at lunch and dinner now. She has always been a big eater, but she had tapered off a bit of late. The new strategy cuts out two or three nursings per day — the ones before the meal and then sometimes one after (because she didn't eat enough!).
This seems to be a time of transition in terms of discipline and expectation, too. At times, a young child needs to be babied, and at times, a young child needs to be challenged. When she is teething, well, there will be a lot of nursing. But when she is not, she can bend a little now to the family's needs!
Thank you!
Julia says
My sixth child is two months old and I feel like I'm finally getting the nursing thing down. For me, it's finding a place to nurse that is quiet enough without distracting her ( which is hard when you have five other small ones and you're homeschooling) the other thing that helped was getting enough protein in my diet, it has been the solution for what my body needs in order to make milk!
Laura Jeanne says
I did not nurse my first two children – I tried, but I was young and had no support whatsoever so I gave into all the pressure to “just try a bottle.” For my 3rd and 4th children though I was determined not to fail and I succeeded, despite a monster of a thrush infection with my 3rd baby. Now, I am still breastfeeding my youngest, who is 19 months old. She is not showing any signs of losing interest in the breast – especially at night, when she wants to nurse every 3 hours, still. I am getting pretty tired and wondering how long this will last. Or if I should be starting to refuse her. I wonder if a post on weaning is in the works, Leila? 🙂
If I have any advice to share, it is this: Make sure you take your vitamins, eat well, and drink lots of water when you are breastfeeding. If you are breastfeeding, you are still growing a baby, not much different than when you were pregnant!
I realized this time around that I was not taking good enough care of myself, and by the time my baby was about 4 months old all my hair started to fall out, my periods went haywire and I was sooo tired. I found out I was iron deficient – I had been breastfeeding for almost 3 years straight by that time, and I didn't take vitamins, not even while pregnant! How stupid of me. I thought I could get enough nutrients through food but that's difficult. After I started taking a good liquid iron supplement, my hair stopped falling out and my periods returned to normal. I am taking a lot of vitamins now, also making sure to eat and drink enough, and I feel so much better. You can't make something from nothing!
By the way, I am well aware that medical wisdom says that it's the change in hormones that makes your hair fall out around the 4 month mark. This may be the case for some people, but for me I don't think so – because for my first two babies which were formula fed, I did not experience shedding, but with my next two which were breastfed, I actually got bald patches. So I believe that the breastfeeding depleted my body and that's why my hair fell out. To this day, if I stop my iron supplement my hair starts falling out.
cirelo says
A book that helped me night wean my children around that age was called “The No-cry Sleep Solution” it had lots of helpful suggestions for getting through the tough night nursing. The women who wrote it had such a gentle and sensible approach. I've always recommended it to all of my friends.
_Leila says
Laura Jeanne, I did write a post on this subject: http://www.likemotherlikedaughter.org//2010/11/a…
I am a big proponent of figuring out where you can, one by one, replace feedings with table food and a cup or bottle. Keep the true “comfort” feedings — bedtime, early morning — until you see that you can eliminate them, or need to eliminate the bedtime one to get some sleep.
I do not think that upping and stopping is the way to go! Little by little… be patient.
Pippajo says
All this wonderful advice on nursing and all I want to talk about is your hydrangeas (ok not really but let's start with them)! My mopheads are all russetty and the oak leafs are almost there so I was considering cutting them soon and now your post has lit the fire beneath my bum! Do you find yours continue to change color as they dry? And do you throw out the old hydrangeas you dried the year before and replace them with the new or just keep adding to your stash?
Also, I would like to add about breastfeeding: you gotta know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em. And not pile guilt on yourself no matter how it works out! I only breastfed Redheaded Snippet for five months because it hurt so bad each and every time that I would just cry the entire time I was feeding her. I was simply told that it hurts sometimes. As soon as she showed interest in solids, I was eager to abandon breastfeeding but I felt guilty about it for years! But Calvin was a preemie and had no sucking reflex so we had a team of nurses in the NICU who worked with both him and me for weeks to make sure breastfeeding would go smoothly. Breastfeeding, or at the very least bottle feeding with expressed breast milk was considered very therapeutic in our NICU and they worked with all the moms to try to encourage them. They were very patient and told me three very important things: If it hurts, something's not right. Make sure you relax: not only will baby pick up on your tension, but it will also decrease milk flow. Never, never, never sit down to breastfeed without something to drink handy. Every time I started having difficulty, I would stop, think, and, invariably, would find that I was either tense or without a drink. Calvin breastfed like a champ for 10 blissful months at which time he began weaning himself. When I look back on my experience with Redheaded Snippet, I give myself a lot of credit for staying with it as long as I did. But I WISH I'd known to keep trying and keep asking questions!
I also had my doctor tell me I could have up to a beer a day, both while pregnant and breastfeeding!
_Leila says
Pippajo, Yes, the hydrangeas keep getting darker. These started out white on the bush, but if I pick them when they are very white, they wilt. If I wait, they turn green and mauve and generally get darker.
If you wait for frost, they lose their color completely 🙁
I have a huge basket in my room that I put the big heads into. The first year, I had to put crumpled up newspaper in there to support the heads. Thereafter, I just stick the new ones into the old ones! There is a layered record of the ages in that basket 🙂
Theresa says
I've nursed all six of my babies successfully and so glad I was able to! I ran into the “not enough milk” with my 6th. There were many tears, much stress and anxiety, and my milk all but dried up when the baby was 3months old. After many visits to the doctor where I brought up worries that my hypothyroidism wasn't being controlled well enough, my doctor finally started telling me that sometimes it just isn't possible and maybe baby #6 was too much stress (oddly enough, I did very well with the addition of #6 and knew that I had been more stressed with other children). I didn't buy it and didn't let the issue rest! After about two months of this (and baby refusing to drink any formula), I was tested for iron deficiency. It was found that I was very deficient and within a couple of days of supplements, my milk returned and my happy baby slept much more peacefully.
My point is, don't give up! And don't let doctors tell you that it sometimes just doesn't work. That may be the case, but just like most everything else, there's usually a reason our bodies aren't working the right way.
Thank you, Leila, for this post. I plan on going back and reading the others since I am expecting number 7 🙂
Betsy M says
Congratulations on the new baby!
ABHare says
I was so excited to breastfeed my first baby. After having only had the joy of being an adoptive mom I felt so blessed to finally have the privilege to actually put my mammaries to work. Everything started off great until my milk came in. I had an extremely powerful let-down and a huge milk supply. My poor little guy could not latch on without being gagged by all of the milk that was rushing out. We struggled for a few days, feeding him my pumped milk (I could hand pump an 8oz. bottle in about 1 minute flat!) through a finger line. During that time everyone I spoke to, friends, relatives, La Leche League leaders, my midwives etc. (I gave birth at home and therefor did not get to work with a lactation consultant.) told me to just pump off some of my milk before I offered my breast to my baby. However they all warned that if I pumped off more than 4 ounces from each side that it would contribute to my over-production issues. We struggled along for a few more days pumping and using the finger line but my poor little guy was still unable to stay on the breast because he literally choked/aspirated on my milk which rushed out so powerfully that it would shoot straight to back of his throat. I even tried having him latch on to my sister’s breast to confirm that it was not a physical issue with his mouth. At the time she was still nursing her 4th child, and my infant was able to latch onto her and breastfed like a champ! (Thanks Chris) Then of course I developed mastitis. After fighting that off I decided to go with my gut and began pumping off 8 ounces from each side before I nursed. It changed our world. My baby was able to successfully latch on to my breast and nurse on a “normal” schedule. After that he was breastfed exclusively for 14 months and went on to continue breast feeding until age 3. I guess the lesson I learned is that in some situations a mother’s intuition really truly is better than an expert’s advice. And also a little perseverance goes a long way when it comes to being a mom.
Rachel says
Perhaps this is not the right place to ask, but I would love to know what you think about when to start your baby on solids. I have a 9 month old daughter, who I have had a wonderful breastfeeding relationship with since day one. I just started her on solid food this week (only a little, once a day, and after breastfeeding first), and I have yet to give her other liquids.
Although my daughter is obviously very healthy and remarkably good natured, my mother in-law is appalled, since she started all her babies on solids at 2-4 weeks, with one cup of water a day per doctor's orders. I have been actively guarding my daughter against grandma giving her things off her plate to eat, or water to drink for months, and now that I have started giving bits of solids the battle is even more difficult, as grandma wants to give her everything that we eat because, “I thought that you were giving her solids now?” (And my daughter still has no teeth! How is she supposed to chew up meat, for example? One would think there should be some common sense here.)
Although I have told her most doctors recommend not giving solids until 6 months now, she responds that doctors are always changing their minds, and since her kids turned out okay, that is the way to do it. She really thinks I am harming my daughter by exclusively breastfeeding for so long.
Do you have any resources or advice, on when to start solids and why? And perhaps how to answer those with questions on why you are doing it that way? Also, I am expecting our second child in a few months, and am planning on tandem nursing. Have you ever done this, do you have any advice?
cirelo says
I'd really recommend the book “Real Food for Mother and Baby” by Nina Planck, it has some great advice on healthy traditional first foods.
_Leila says
Rachel, you are right! Your MIL is a lovely woman of course, but dead wrong!! It's shocking to think of giving any infant food, and downright dangerous to its life to give it water!! Never give a baby water, even in extreme heat. http://consults.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/08/19/is-i…
Go to kellymom.com for info on how mother's milk is best even for a dehydrated baby. That site will give you all the ammo you need for whatever arguments you are in 🙂
Mother's milk is best for baby, period. Here is my post about giving solid foods: http://www.likemotherlikedaughter.org//2010/11/a…
Anita says
No tips, but a Very Important Piece of Information :-)–Adoptive mothers can breastfeed their babies!! My husband and I adopted a little newborn girl last fall and I induced lactation using Jack Newman's advanced protocol (google it and it'll come right up). I only had five weeks to prepare my body before the baby's birth. I supplemented with formula using a Lact-aid supplementer for the first five weeks, and at that point, quit supplementing as I had a full milk supply!!
My adopted girlie was exclusively breastfed, by me, until she was seven months. Then we very unexpectedly adopted a newborn boy. So, I nursed the seven month old girl and the newborn boy for two months—and I have never given birth. At ten months, my daughter self weaned (that was about three weeks ago-I am a little sad about it, but am choosing to be thankful for ten months of nursing her!) and I am still nursing our now two month old baby boy. I take fenugreek when my supply seems to be a little low.
Breastfeeding is not for the faint of heart. Inducing lactation is REALLY not for the faint of heart. Both take a ton of determination and persistence. Having been through the process of both, I am convinced that with a support system, and an educated mind (breastfeeding needs to be researched before it is attempted–how can one expect to just make it work without prior knowledge of HOW it works), and with aids like oatmeal and fenugreek for problems like a low milk supply, any mature female who does not have physical problems that impede breastfeeding, can breastfeed!!
_Leila says
Thanks, Anita! I know that some adoptive moms can nurse their babies, and I'm happy to hear your experience!
Theresa says
I've nursed all six of my babies successfully and so glad I was able to! I ran into the “not enough milk” with my 6th. There were many tears, much stress and anxiety, and my milk all but dried up when the baby was 3months old. After many visits to the doctor where I brought up worries that my hypothyroidism wasn't being controlled well enough, my doctor finally started telling me that sometimes it just isn't possible and maybe baby #6 was too much stress (oddly enough, I did very well with the addition of #6 and knew that I had been more stressed with other children). I didn't buy it and didn't let the issue rest! After about two months of this (and baby refusing to drink any formula), I was tested for iron deficiency. It was found that I was very deficient and within a couple of days of supplements, my milk returned and my happy baby slept much more peacefully.
Gwenny says
I help teach a community breastfeeding class and am amazed at the women who think breastfeeding will take too much time or will tie them down. I have a four month old and a twenty-one month old. Let me tell you what a blessing breast feeding is! Say all of us have been out running errands and when we get home, toddler has a poopy diaper, the car needs to be unloaded, purchases put away, and baby needs to be nursed. What does mother do after this long, tiring afternoon running around? Puts her feet up, is brought a cool drink, and nurses the baby while daddy has to change the icky toddler poo diaper, put away groceries, and start supper. I say, milk it (haha, get it?) for all it's worth!
@Dixie, why not cut out one or two nursing sessions?
_Leila says
Amen, Gwenny! Not to mention being stranded somewhere and still being able to feed the baby! What would you do if you ran out of formula?? :/
RCarol says
I love LMLD, but this is my first time to post. I know breastfeeding is an emotional issue for a lot of people. I fell in the “margin.” With my first, I tried and tried, and pumped and pumped, I went to a LLL meeting, I saw a lactation consultant (who was terrible). Pump, or sleep? Pump, or make dinner? And still, almost no milk. The hospital basically forced a bottle on us–they wouldn't let us leave unless the baby gained weight. But still, I clung to hope and tried. Finally, at my six-week check up, my OB told me that my glands didn't develop. I couldn't produce more milk. Though this was bad news, by then, it was such a relief! Good bye pump! I had about an ounce of milk per feeding–both sides combined–and that was as good as it was going to get. So, I gave her that until she was 8.5 months old, when she'd had enough and weaned herself. But bottles were a necessity. With baby #2, I knew what to expect, gave her what I had, and relaxed and enjoyed her newborn-ness. I don't write this to have a pity party. On the off chance that someone out there has the same problem, it does exist. MANY people have never heard of it. In the LLL book, there's only about a half a sentence about it. For most people, it's worth the effort, the pumping, the fenugreek, but for a rare few, it won't work. So if you're not sure, ask your doctor. The lactation consultant didn't tell me, but I think she knew. My doula had never heard of it. And if you're one of those lucky moms whose milk sprays all over the place, be sensitive to the friend that doesn't have her glands. 🙂
_Leila says
RCarol, thank you for your comment. It's good to know, and I admire your willingness to figure things out and work with what you were able to do. The important thing is that baby is loved and held by mama!
Lucy says
I am someone who did not breastfeed my children – they are both adopted and came with a bottle. But just like so many women breastfeed while online or on the phone or watching TV, I knew that I could bottle feed with the love, attention and skin contact that a breast fed baby would normally benefit from. So I am very pro “bottle nursing” – it really helped bond my babies to me at such a difficult time. So only I fed them, I went away to sit quietly in my room, rocking and singing, the baby never held the bottle, I offered eye contact the whole time and I would usually be skin-on-skin with the baby. It made bottle feeding a very sweet and beautiful memory.
lethargic says
Best nursing advice I ever got: (1) Right before sitting down to nurse, go to the bathroom and get a large glass of water to put by you. Drink water while baby nurses. Do these two things every single nursing session. (2) Keep the supporting arm thoroughly supported, pillows or whatever, so your arm never gets tired and tense and you both will feel so much better all around.
_Leila says
lethargic, I agree about the pillow! I always had a drink and a pillow!!
Rachelle says
Here is a tutorial for how to make your own nursing tanks. I haven't had the opportunity to make them (no babies here yet) but they seem pretty easy and useful…
http://refashionmama.wordpress.com/2011/12/14/ref…
Jamie says
Your hydrangeas are BEAUTIFUL!
Heather says
You just solved a 25+ year mystery for me!! I was raised by an elderly relative, who used to say to me, when I was loving on a baby doll, “Oh! Look at you nussin' that baby!” For many years, I just thought 'nuss' was a word!
I should have guessed it was something like that… the man did say he was born near the “Nine-ee-hay-lee River”…which doesn't exist in NC. I finally figured out was his very-strong-Appalachian-dialect way of saying “Nantahala River”
Ginger says
The best $150 I ever spent on child rearing was for my lactation consultant, AKA the “Breast Whisperer”….She came after the first two weeks of my first child, with cracked sore nipples. He would cry for mealtime and so would I it was so terribly painful. I have long forgotten the pain of child birth, with no drugs, and still cringe when I think of him suckling those first two weeks.
Anyhoo, if you know of a good lactation consultant, and are also having trouble and thinking of giving up, try one, and you will not regret it. I have never regreted breastfeeding both children, through thick and thin. It also saves a lot of money breastfeeding so think of it as an investment.
Kari says
I was diagnosed after baby #2 with insufficient glandular tissue. I was on every herbal suppliment (including goat's rue, rare, but my favorite) and only made about 1/4 oz of milk. Here's what we did to “nurse” the babies: on demand feeding with an SNS (supplimental nursing system). I acted like I was breastfeeding, but had formula in a bottle attached to a tube to the breast so the babies sucked what little milk I made and the formula they needed.the SNS is not discreet, so when we were out itwas bottles, but that was ok. On a side note, my menstral cycles didn't start until I stopped using the SNS so my body at least thought I was breastfeeding! I'm pregnant with baby #3 and planning to do the SNS thing again unless God works a miracle, but wanted to share a brief bit of my story for anyone else who may be having troubles because of their own body. 🙁 If you are someone who is concerned about this, feel free to contact me at zweibucherwurm at comcast.net. There's also a great book called “Making More Milk” by Diana West and Lisa Marasco. Anyway, I loved nursing my babies even if they were nursing formula! It was worth it!
Anita says
Good for you! I had initial supply issues and used a supplementer–the Lactaid supplementer. Once I got the hang of it, it worked great (it takes a little patience at first, but I am sure that is also true with the SNS). The big bonus of the Lactaid, you can tuck your little baggie of formula inside your bra on the side you are not nursing from, and no one can tell a thing, especially if you also use a nursing cover. Loved my Lactaid! I'd highly recommend it for it's discreet ease of use.
_Leila says
Thanks for this information!
Mrs. Pickles says
Ha ha — I was breastfeeding my fourth baby during the last series of breastfeeding posts, and now I'm preparing for the birth of #5! How timely!
One piece of advice I got, but haven't had to use so far, is if your baby is having a hard time opening his mouth wide enough to get a good latch, take him to see a pediatric chiropractor. He could need a little adjustment in his jaw to allow it to open fully.
I'm wishing I had done this with my first — I was in pain for two months every time she latched on, until her little face naturally grew larger and her mouth could open wider. I now realize that tenderness at first is to be expected, but not pain for that long! I've learned over the years to get help when I need, and not try to muscle on through difficulties. Babies need happy mamas.
Theresa says
I wonder if anyone is aware of a link between thyroid problems and low milk production. I never seemed to make much breastmilk though I did manage to breastfeed all 4 of my children though they all weaned at less than a year. I was recently diagnosed with thyroid issues and I read somewhere that as a result all my “systems” can be sluggish. I immediately thought about my struggles with breast feeding and wondered if there is a connection? I am currently taking a dietary supplement and seeing a chiropractor which is helping. I wonder if it would have helped with my breastfeeding. Thank you ladies for this lovely blog. Though my children are older I am still gleaning from the lovely posts.
Katie says
I breastfed our first little girl until 14 months (while working full-time and pumping up to 3 times per day – I say this not to brag, but to encourage others…you can keep it up if you're committed!) and am due with our second in about 2 months. The advice I've shared with friends that they most often give me positive feedback on later is to press on through that first week or two when your nipples are so sore/cracking/bleeding, because just when you think you can't keep going any more, it will subside!
_Leila says
Katie, your commitment to breast feeding is amazing!
I will just reiterate what I said in my first post on this subject, which is that *nursing* the baby is even more important than breast feeding the baby.
As perfect as mother's milk is for baby, mother's arms and mother's presence are more so. The advantage to breast feeding is that it facilitates nursing — by the fact that the milk is in the mother's breast! Putting the milk into a bottle and then being away sort of defeats this built-in advantage.
Bottle feeding can be a nursing experience, but it's harder. You can prop a bottle. You can hand off a bottle.
This is why I'm not a big fan of pumps! I get why they can be useful, just as I get why bottles can be useful. But in the normal course of things, baby is best off being nursed by mama.
If you don't get the distinction between bottle feeding, breast feeding, and nursing — read the two posts again!! 🙂
Jen says
I have two children. The first I had tremendous trouble bf'ing. It turned out he had posterior tongue tie. The LC gave me some tongue exercises to do with him to strenthen his tongue so he could nurse. It took him 8 weeks to get back up to birth weight, even supplementing. I finally ordered Domperidone (after trying every other trick and supplement). That finally did it for me. My supply was finally full, and we went on to nurse until he was 39 mos old and weaned on his own (on the Feast of Divine Mercy when he announced to me that he didn't need to nurse anymore because he was a big boy now, and that's just the way God made him).
He bf'ed through my pregnancy with our second son and continued for 14 mos. Our second son is 2.5 years old and still bfs in the morning, at his nap, and before bed. I didn't leave my children with others for the first 10-11 mos. I kept them with me and bf'ed them as they needed. They slept in my bed with my husband and me. (I was also 38 and 40 when they were born, so I knew that I would be limited in being able to have these experiences.)
Oatmeal definitely helps. Ground flaxseed in the oatmeal is a booster, too. I have to say, I've always loved my Guinness, and was delighted to have a reason to continue with it! 😉
I love nursing my boys, even when they are older. Now, it is rare to bf in public since it is now associated with waking and sleeping, but it is sometimes needed for comfort, and I am not afraid to do that.
The thing that helped me most was just staying home – in bed as much as possible during those first six weeks or so – and just bf'ing. I learned to not be uncomfortable bf'ing with others around. If they were uncomfortable, they needed to leave because I needed to take care of my baby. It's also super important to eat a lot and drink a lot while bf'ing. For me, lots of protein and (healthy) fats were absolutely necessary for maintaining supply.
I also am blessed with SILs and multiple friends who bf, so I have a support system in real life. My husband also did everything he could to help me and make sure I succeeded. In the beginning when we had trouble with our first, he did the bottle feeding, but only what was needed to get by and continued to help me so I could bf. I am blessed!
Jen says
I have one more comment to add about babies who refuse to bf on one side. There are a couple of things you can do:
1) chiropractic adjustments can sometimes help so the baby can comfortably turn the head to bf on the other side.
2) for example, baby nurses fine on the right but refuses the left: on the left side, hold the baby in the football hold so the head is in the same position as when on the right. Hold the body and head with the left arm and hand and support the breast with the right hand. This works well in many cases.
Also, if possible, find a local La Leche League group for help and support and general comeraderie.
Rosemary says
Oatmeal and fenugreek are both great! 🙂
My 5 month old also only nurses on one side … I don't think there's any way I can get him to the second side because he stops nursing before emptying the first, and won't take the second if it's offered! The longest he ever seems to nurse is five minutes, and then he wants to eat an hour or two later. He's a chronic snacker. I'm never sure if I should try to extend the time between feedings to try and make him eat more, or what.
wanderingsue says
I just have a question. I keep hearing how pretty much all women must be able to breastfeed, (and I had an easy enough time with both kids, thank goodness,) but I see so many women really struggling, and many not making it. I volunteer as a breastfeeding peer supporter with the NHS here in the UK, and I know we've lost so much of the precious culture and support networks that would have been around traditionally, but (yes, there is a question coming,) do you think that also traditionally it would have been much more acceptable, even the norm, for women to breastfeed other women's babies? I don't mean in a hired wet nurse way, just that if you found it difficult you probably had a sister or auntie or someone else very close who was also breastfeeding. I'd do it, and believe I'd be thrilled if someone else would do it for my kids, if I needed it.
suzanne says
Here is a link to a DIY nursing cami like the Undercover Mama: http://thejensonjaunts.blogspot.com/2011/07/thrif…
It is VERY easy and much cheaper, especially if you use the brand of camis she mentions. You may need to look in the plus section though as it seems sized for junior highers.
_Leila says
Thanks, Suzanne — I looked at this tutorial and it looks so easy!
Frank Bernard. says
I have a pair of felted wool pads from Norway that are divine, but suggest just taking old wool sweaters from Goodwill, layering them together, sewing around the edge, and felting them in the washing machine. good article
Mary Lou says
An up to date comment … nursing shields! The old advice of no nipple shields (LLL even new edition) are the old nipple shields. Now Medela makes new fleshy plastic wonderful shields for flat or inverted nipples. Watched them work wonders and saved the day for a little grandson and would have been a miracle if I had had them for my last (eighth) baby! I’m learning as an older LLL Leader that League was founded to support moms, their first mission. But there are more moms than I ever knew that do have quirky difficulties and it’s very common to run into them. Now along with the support, we are seeing new and very helpful helps including the pumps. I nursed all eight babies, did better as I went along and #8 had problems. It did not help for me to think I just needed to keep trying … I need a nipple shield that I don’t think they made ten years ago. Many of the advances are such good things.