Since I've been getting a lot of mail and taken part in a lot of last-minute conversations about homeschooling crises of purpose, conscience, curriculum, and courage, I thought I would pull some of the questions out of the email closet and air them out here. Maybe you will see your question in the mix.
Next time I will talk about writing and a little about schooling high schoolers. But today we can talk about taking the plunge, whether you can do it, whether it's worth it, whether your parents and his parents will verbally disapprove or simply collapse in disappointed sobs, and whether you will succeed.
Keep in mind that these are actual answers to readers (although the questions are severely condensed), so this post might not be super linear. Also, if I am ever going to post about homeschooling, I need to just do it without worrying too much about repeating myself! If you need even more repetition, look at past posts.
{Disclaimer. I am not actually against school. I think school is a wonderful idea. I believe in neighborhood-controlled schools and schools run by consecrated religious, which supposes neighborhoods and churches with intact families (rich or poor) who care more about their children than about what people in other neighborhoods are doing, or what the government can do for them. This idea is an idea of the past, when children from all sorts of neighborhoods and parishes got educated, usually on very little money. Therefore you might call me a conflicted advocate of homeschooling.}
From M–: Why do you homeschool? I think that our local parish school really needs us to support them, but I love the idea of homeschooling. And at what point in the parent-child relationship should the parent say “We just don't work well together”? (Not that we are there, but I do worry about the future).
Dear M–! To reduce your question to its very minimal level, I would say that you shouldn't worry about the far future too much. I think it's useful to think one year at a time — to do what seems right and fitting for the coming year.
Sometimes it's helpful to have your children go a bit far afield and test the waters, as you do as well; find your place in the community; get your “sea legs” under you as you figure out how to navigate your family. Especially an outgoing, pert child can benefit from rubbing shoulders with others.
I am by no means anti-school. If school kept its proper sphere, adhered to a proper understanding of authority, and didn't intrude into my children's inner lives, then it would be such a boon to the family. School as it was when I was very young was a net help to families. It's now universally too invasive.
If somehow you are in a place where this isn't so, then school might work for you. But you have to know for real. That takes time to really find out, and often you can only find out from the inside.
Sometimes you just know that even if it would be helpful to some in the community for you to send your children to their school, it isn't what your children need; and your first priority is their education. You have a radiating circle of people you are beholden too, and sometimes even valid concern for others gets in the way of what you should really do for those nearest and dearest.
These things are to be prayed about and talked about together, husband and wife.
You should feel free to do what you want to do for the good of your whole family — it's easier if you are just deciding for a year, not their whole lives 🙂 You can reserve the right to change your mind! At any time….
From Kari: My four-year-old is bright — school seems boring to her — she loves doing tasks for me but doesn't easily move on when I tell her to — and what to do with the three-year-old?
It's very important that you not see her activity as slow. A child under the age of reason doesn't have the ability to see time in units. When she “washes dishes” she isn't accomplishing a task — there is no end in sight! She happens to enjoy the process. Unbeknownst to you, she is thinking and wondering and lots is going on in there.
A stellar reason to have very young children at home is so that they aren't forced into a rushed schedule, with every child hustled along the same path at the same rate. Conformity is very hard on the very young (not that it's easy or desirable for anyone).
That said, you can sometimes just say “I'll let you take your time later, when we have time — right now, we need to get going!” But then, be as good as your word. Young children desperately need this meandering, seemingly aimless time.
For her, the forty-five minutes washing the dishes is her play time! If you are giving her that, you can sort of get her through getting dressed quickly. A balance is what you're aiming for. Keep in mind that she's doing a lot for her age.
From another Mama, and also in answer to Kari: I am not crafty. How can I think up crafts for my toddlers to keep them busy while I do lessons with the other children?
More than cooking up activities for your three-year-old, make him a place to be — largely unsupervised. Thoughts: A kitchen corner — which in my lingo is a play kitchen/babydoll care area — with scope for activities of his own devising, a small table and stools for working with playdough and drawing, a truck pit (not just a sandbox), a little workbench, a place for his army guys or her dolls… a nature table where he can arrange the precious stuff he finds outside.There are many blogs with good ideas for this type of thing, and it's what kept our lives peaceful. Google Montessori at home blogs and sites. Look at Meg McElwee's Sew Liberated and poke around her site for more ideas. It doesn't have to be as fabulous as she makes it look — it just needs to be what you think of as attractive and what the kids think of as interesting. If you have older children, they will help you and get into it themselves! When Deirdre was thirteen, she was known to play in Bridget's kitchen corner with her own friends.
Just a little effort to give an otherwise demanding tot his own space will give you breathing room all year, whereas coming up with crafts will drive you crazy. At least, coming up with crafts drives me crazy!!
Kari also asked: How do I do lesson plans?
Lesson plans — it sounds so frighteningly serious and professional. But really, it's a list, and then an expansion of the list. Go to Donna Young's site to see how your plans can be done easily. For a young child, pretty much this is the list:
I think all of this will become clear to you when you do your due diligence. Have you read the Charlotte Mason I recommended? There are summaries of her works on the Ambleside site. [I have been known to say that dear Charlotte is long-winded to no particular purpose. Enjoy her ramblings if you like. The summaries are just fine.]
Also, I highly recommend the book “Better Late Than Early” by Dorothy and Raymond Moore.
Teaching a child to read is fairly easy. I recommend buying the MC Plaid series of workbooks (you can find them on Amazon — make sure you are getting the old edition, not the new — I think they are from '95. The new ones are all messed up, trust me). Also Teach your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons — only, just do the first third of the book, not all of it — you just need the child to grasp the idea of blending letters together to make words — and make sure you keep up with the workbooks as well.
Doing lesson plans is simply figuring out what you want to learn in the coming year (based on something sound like the Ambleside site — only, keep it very, very simple – which that site is not, but you take what you want from it) — and divide by the number of weeks you will be doing school. Usually the workbooks last a school year.
It's actually all so simple. Don't fret. Look up the links I have on my posts and keep thinking and trying to narrow down what you would want to do with this specific child. Set your goals — learn to read, do math in her workbook — and stick to them. Don't get sidetracked by a million ideas. Keep reading and thinking.
Progressive Road to Reading Book 2
Progressive Road to Reading Book 3 (This is the one I had from Grandma's attic, and that I used for my children in about first or second grade — mostly I read it to them — we read the selections together. For later stages we used the old Bobs-Merrill Readers I've told you about.)
That's helpful so that you can see why I am trying to get you to buy old readers. I dare you to compare the quality of these readers to anything you would buy today. And notice that the authors of the readers clearly mean you simply to read the selections to the child and discuss them. No tedious work involved.
Seeing them online is helpful to you so that you know what you are getting.
But remember what I told Carrie:
I think that a reader isn't necessary until the child has been reading for about a year, or until ready to sit and do “real” work — dictation, copying, such things.
When that happens, it's of the utmost importance that he have an actual book! We aren't just teaching “reading” — we're teaching veneration for knowledge, respect for the written word, and the ability to sit and turn pages. Online works for a lot of things, but teaching elementary schoolers to read isn't one of them, unless there truly is no other way.
Fortunately, you can get these books for very little money. Especially when compared to curricula that you buy from a company, they are a great bargain! Imagine all your language arts needs met for around $10!
From Jennifer: Do you have an opinion on how much children should be outside the home on group activities, taking lessons or classes at the preschool age during the average week?
It's almost impossible to say what any child should be doing. (I mean, yes, of course! I have an opinion on everything!!) So much depends on your community, your family, and your child's interests.
I do think that a four-year-old needs much less activity than most people of a certain socio-economic class think. The thing to keep in mind is that while a child that age does enjoy going places and doing things (again, depending; sounds like yours does), what they may not enjoy and what may actually really stress them out is having to do certain things all the time — sticking to a schedule that includes a lot of car time and structure.
What a boy of four needs is time to run around with his buddies, outdoor time, and physical activity. So if he likes to swim, for instance, you could think about that. What would be ideal would be to know some families with the same ages who are up for playground time three times or so a week, or getting together in someone's big yard for games.
If he has a certain talent, then go with that. Some four-year-olds really can play the violin. Others could care less. I would say that unless there is a clear indication here, it's best to wait until ages six or seven for any kind of formal lesson.
What I try to do when figuring things out like this is think back to the day when there were lots of large families and moms stayed home. When my husband was a child in a fairly upwardly mobile suburb, children didn't even go to kindergarten, really. They stayed home and rode their trikes and bikes on the sidewalk, tried to play sandlot ball with the big kids, and generally just ran around. That is healthiest, as far as I can see — but it requires other people to do really well.
How can we approximate this scenario? That's our challenge. Take it little by little and try to keep him unscheduled-but-playing-with-other-kids as long as you can! Work hard to make friends with other families who see things the way you do.
Sarah: My parents and my husband's parents are horrified at the mere thought of us homeschooling our children. And three of the four of them were educators. Also, I worry that my son will inherit my husband's severe dyslexia.
The fact is, the education of our children is intimately bound up with our marriage — specifically, the adventure that is becoming the responsible unit of culture. In other words, as important as the larger community is, as necessary the input of those who love us, as incumbent upon us to listen carefully and understand the advice we are receiving, in the end, only we, the parents, can make the commitment to do what needs to be done. Only we have the grace to do it. Only we are answerable.
Your children are very young. You are right to try to provide for them as best you can, by, for instance, taking the necessary steps to enroll them in the school they would attend if they went — but things change, circumstances change. It's hard to know exactly what you will be doing 18 months from now [when she has to enroll the elder child in school] — what the children's needs are, how you will feel about the decisions.
And you are right to take the time now to read up on these issues. How often I wish I could tell parents who are stressing out about their toddlers' educations to read about education now. The best education a toddler can have is to play, to be read and sung to, to be cuddled by parents, to learn to obey, and to start to help with their “work.” So simple! It gets very complicated later. NOW is the time for you to be understanding what the child needs in every stage of development. Later you will be too busy, and life will overtake you.
One book I will recommend is John Taylor Gatto's Underground History of American Education — you can read it online on his site.
I did get it out of the library. The most valuable parts of it are his descriptions of his own childhood.
Of course, I am not familiar with Australian schools. But I do know that it is all too easy to get a little older and revert to the dreamy state of optimism about school, despite occasionally getting a reality check about the social agendas, poor pedagogy, and general atmosphere of somewhat miserable conformity. Along with my universal rule of 80/20, you find that 80% of the children more or less get through, with damage along some sort of scale from not much to sort of a lot but not debilitating. 10% do extremely well. Whether they would have otherwise, or whether the sort of well they do is actually good for them, no one cares to investigate. And probably 10% do extremely poorly.
Grandparents like to suppose that their grandchildren are exceptional and should be given every opportunity. If they are educators, yes, your road is an uphill one. My mother-in-law was opposed to our homeschooling, although she had a pretty iron-clad rule of not interfering. It meant that she just remained completely detached — other than, ironically, giving me boxes and boxes of those precious old school books that saved my day on many occasions!
From a completely mainstream, developmental point of view, 3 1/2 is objectively too young for school — other than something like two hours every other day for the kind of pre-school that is just fun (until the winter months when suddenly getting in a snowsuit and into the car is torture). Real school shouldn't start until about age six for girls and seven for boys — if they are rarin' to go, they will get what they need at home anyway.
For children that young to cope with a school schedule — including meeting the expectations of people who don't actually really understand them, a significant mechanism has to develop — an internal one. Just dealing with the smells, the noise, the other children, the coming, the going — it takes its toll.
I believe that one reason people do not want to have more children is that they find that those years are so stressful, they can't imagine going on with it all. But the stress is simply the children venting their pent-up frustration from being in such an unnatural environment when they are developmentally incapable of processing it. Especially now that children can't be allowed to have unsupervised play, the parents will find that their precious time with them consists of wiping up the messes of their poor psyches.
Anyway, each family has to decide for itself what to do. As I said, you take the experience and the information and you respect it, but ultimately, it's up to you.
I would simply stop talking to them about it if they are so sensitized that even a somewhat neutral topic elicits warnings and alarums [she had brought up my post about the old readers being so much better]. There are other things to discuss.
As to the dyslexia issue, it seems that you have studied this more than I have, but I remain convinced that it is the kind of reading curriculum that the child gets that determines how he will progress. Thus, it is ever more important that the environment be controlled by you, that the method be controlled, and that you are ready to stop bad habits as they appear. Remember, boys usually don't start to read proficiently until they are around eight years old. Before that, a lot of what they are doing could be diagnosed as dyslexia, and perhaps would develop into it if they were pushed or made to feel stupid. A book I highly recommend is “Better Late Than Early” by the Moores. Maybe there are newer books along the lines of what they write about, but theirs is sufficient to help you understand a practical approach to reading, and they are champions of homeschooling and against early formal education.
I believe that attention-deficit children and dyslexic children probably do have predispositions to these issues. But a frantic, overly scheduled, noisy, distracting environment will certainly not help matters. A person only has so much energy to do things. We ask a lot of children in some ways, these days.
Anyway, remember — it's your call. You and your husband have grace from God to decide what to do. People can give advice, but it's wrong to force you to do otherwise than your conscience tells you! And you have plenty of time to decide (other than the whole signing up thing, oy).
Keep reading and praying! You are doing a great job!
From Libby: I suddenly lack the confidence to teach my little children. I can't seem to enforce discipline about lessons in the same way I do in other areas. Our approach ( our family's ) is somewhere between Ambleside Online and the Well-Trained Mind. (My dinner menus and laundry are under control, and my house is reasonably clean.)
You are right, you are just having the jitters. Of course. It's a huge responsibility. But you will do fine.
I would say that The Well-Trained Mind is a bit of an issue for over-achievers. As far as I'm concerned, Bauer overdoes everything, and I say that as a huge booster of the incredibly packed Ambleside curriculum. WTM sort of keeps all the anxiety-producing parts of school. I think if your child, as a young high schooler, exhibits a strong tendency to be scholarly, then she has some great ideas. But it seems deadly to force every very young child into that mold. I take the WTM with a large dose of salt.
Have you read “Better Late Than Early” by the Moores? [See, I have my books that I like and I recommend them.] There may be more recent books that cover the same material, but I like their attitude and their approach very much. They understand big families, they understand what parents should be aiming for with their children, and they get boys. Most boys can decode somewhat at the age of your sons (seven and six), but don't start reading proficiently until they are around eight. The main thing is that there are many things that go into reading, and a lot of them don't have anything to do with schooling per se.
In fact, at that age, school should really take about an hour altogether each day. Possibly an hour and a half. There is not that much to do in the way of formal schooling, other than torture them 🙂
It's good to know other families, and get together with them once in a while. Best of all is to concentrate on home and all the projects that everyone has, and the playing that everyone has to do. While baby is napping is when the math and reading get done. Let them work on their own as much as possible (did you read the Arthur Robinson articles? He's crazy but he's right).
Just schedule your work time — right after breakfast chores — and get it done fast. Bribe them to work quickly. Whatever it takes to do their workbooks or assignments! Try separating them. Punish complaining instantly — first read the riot act before they even get started to put them on their guard, and then pounce. It's a habit to complain! Only instant feedback will break the habit. Get them into the habit of working as fast as they can with accuracy, and as much as possible without you.
Then go on to other things (all the fun and sneakily educational things that you mention, like gardening, music, camping, reading out loud, and whatever everyone enjoys).
You are right — school really can't begin until they can read. So just wait on those other things. It will be so much easier after!
Does this cover the main questions about starting homeschooling? Let me know.
Pippajo says
Brava and well said! How funny that you posted this today, as it was our first day of 6th grade at home! This is our third year of homeschooling and this is the first time we have begun with a feeling of anticipation and not impending doom! I've learned to let go of most of what you call the anxiety-inducing aspects of school and am actually able to sit back and enjoy watching Calvin learn. Today we studied Debussy, Renoir, Scottish and Iris folk songs and The Iliad. And we had a very good day.
Tracy says
I would love to hear more about how complaining is a habit and only instant feedback will break the habit. What is this magical feedback of which you speak? I'm at my wit's end with this. No feedback I've tried works. I have a sweet little boy who is become less and less pleasant to be around.
_Leila says
Tracy, please go check out my discipline posts, and especially the Spanking article on the sidebar under Happy Home: Discipline. The main thing is — the only words out of your mouth (after you've discussed the problem and read the riot act, i.e., warned that “instant feedback will occur if you complain”) might be “are you COMPLAINING??”. Then apply chosen, non-verbal, discipline. Either pick him up and put him in a corner (having explained before that you will deal with him when YOU are ready) or administer a spank. If you do that every time, you will find things are calmer. It's worth putting a nursing baby down, leaving the soup unstirred, or getting up from your book. Whatever it takes.
Mary (Owlhaven) says
Homeschooling momma to ten here. Four are graduated. Four are teens. Two are elementary-schoolers still. Just had to write to say that I couldn't agree with you more. Esp loved the lesson plan for early elementary: “Math. Reading.” This experienced momma says, yes, it really is that simple.
Like you, I liked the IDEA of the Well Trained Mind– but in reality it isn't possible for me to happily execute that in a doable way with my kids. Less really is more when it comes to happy homeschooling.
And yes– yes– esp moms of boys should read Better Late than Early. One of my big boys didn't read well til age 9. He ended up being a National Merit scholar. Homeschooling works, esp if you don't over-reach and wear yourself out trying to do everything. Give them outside play time, give them reading time, give them chores so you're not having to do it all yourself. And enjoy your time! It's precious.
Stephanie says
I placed a timer in the front window of my home today and my littles were not allowed back into the house until the hour was up. Did some serious “why am I homeschooling” pondering…just an interesting day…thank you for the affirmation..so fun to read..I leave this blog motivated to build the culture 🙂
Anna says
Hey Leila,
longtime reader first time commenter. I am dyslexic, very dyslexic actually but I am one of the lucky few who learned on my own to “use” and overcome my dyslexia. I didn't learn how to read until I was seven and my mom is a teacher lol! When I did learn to read I taught myself. 14 years later when I was partway through college my mom figured out how I did it after reading a book I highly reccomend called The Gift of Dyslexia. Dyxlexia is actually a condition; the brain of a dyslexic is wired differently similarly to how the brain of an autistic is wired differently than the brain of a neuraltypical person. Dyslexics think about 6000 times as fast as a “normal” person and given the right tools can learn things very, very quickly the book has great exercises for teaching that skill. People are born with dyslexia there are different theories as to why. I do agree with you though that providing the right enviroment can either help or hinder. The book is an interesting read and can be a great help to the dyslexic of any age in your life.
Anna says
Thought that I would throw that out there for all your readers concerned about dyslexia it is genetic and it does run in families as my own will attest. However it can be overcome and a person learn to use it at any age. The book is very helpful to a homeschooling parent because it gives help for early intervention.
Lori @ IMK, IML says
I am semi-retired from over twenty years of homeschooling this year — our youngest is taking all dual credit college courses. You're spot on. I know it is a big decision, even taking it a year at a time. I was worried about teaching our oldest to read. My husband said, “Well, you successfully potty trained her. I can't imagine teaching somebody to read is that much more difficult.” He was right. Homeschooling is essentially just a continuation of what good parents have been doing all along.
camillegabel says
Thank you for this! We just started homeschooling a 6 year old three weeks ago. Our lessons, mostly just phonics, basic math and a tiny bit of writing, are taking maybe 30-40 minutes! I was stressing about spending too little time in school, yet it seems to be working just fine. I'm going to stick to my minimalist approach! Our biggest struggle is finding homeschool families with the same aged children. My 6 year old is uber social and begs to go to the public school and I really need to find some playmates for her.
Faith says
Camille, just a little bit of advice… don't be so concerned about finding children exactly the same age; find families that you can look up to and learn from. I have six homeschooled children of all ages; you'd be surprised where they find their fun, from visiting grandparents and cousins, and families of all shapes and sizes. Fun finds them– we rarely have to go find the fun (and when we do, it's usually a disaster… another topic!) God bless your year!
bit says
Do you have any thoughts on cyber schooling for elementary school? We were thinking to do that instead of home schooling at first, because I'm the most nervous about teaching the basics, but now I keep hearing things that make me worry about it. We're in PA, so there is a big system of cyber schools here with many choices, including some that offer physical classes as well.
nt12many says
Here is my two cents about cyber schools even though I am not Leila I am starting my 23rd year of homeschooling! Cyber schools are the way the public school tries to retrieve the funding that they lost when people began independently homeschooling. What the public schools do, by and large, is not working. Now they offer their cyber schools and the parents do the work!
More parents return their children to the schools after using the cyber schools because they think they have failed at homeschooling. It isn't real homeschooling, it is using an unwieldy, unworkable curriculum designed for a classroom and trying to implement it at home.
Why not enjoy the true blessings of homeschooling and search around and find what works for you? I love literature so I read a lot with my children. I couldn't do that with the public school program. Yes, I have to pay for everything but God is faithful.
I just feel so sorry for the moms who have decided that homeschooling doesn't work when, in all reality, they used a program that wasn't designed to work well.
sibyl says
bit: just a thought about cyber schooling for elementary. Do be careful about the total number of “screen-time minutes” for your elementary kids. Reading on a computer is different than reading off a book, and typing is different than writing.
The key with the basics is: they are basic! They can be taught in many different ways. Frankly, you can go to the big box bookstore (Barnes and Noble, around here) and get the first-grade math workbook, work through it together, and it will be fine. Answer their questions. You know grade school math well enough — every functional adult does. And if not, then learn it, and have the child learn it along with you.
Just remember: Laura Ingalls Wilder was 16 when she first began teaching school, although she herself had not graduated yet.
_Leila says
bit, I think that elementary school students should stick to a very simple plan of study using real books! I tend to agree with the other replies here…
Jenny says
“All this early schooling is just the nanny state trying to compensate for working mothers — compensate as far as the children go and also appease, so that she will contribute to GNP as she has been carefully trained to do by her schooling.”
Amen. I cannot agree more.
My parents and I have hot debates about pre-K. I am very opposed to it and they support it without reserve. They say it is necessary to get children ready to learn in school. I ask isn't that why they go to Kindergarten?
Charlotte says
I would just like to add to your comment to Kari and another Mama… even those of us who are considered very crafty get anxious coming up with crafts for our little ones. I don't do that anymore. Most crafts that they want to do are an extension of what they see me doing. Nine times out of ten, if a little one sees me cutting paper, they will ask to cut some paper too. Or if they see me glueing something, they will ask to glue too. That's the extent of my craft activities for little ones. I stopped trying to manufacture craft projects for them after I realized that my oldest hated to glue or color anything and I was the one who had to deal with the box full of things to throw away which is what most child crafts are.
I give an A+ to Auntie Leila's answer! Make space for them to do what they enjoy doing safely. My oldest hated to color but he loved to build and still does. Also, work on teaching your older children to work independently as soon as they can. Obviously, they must have the basics down… reading, counting, writing. If you are just teaching the basics to your oldest ones, wait until the little ones take a nap. An hour or two is all you need. If your oldest ones know the basics already, then work on teaching them to work independently on the subjects they can do themselves. You are teaching them how to learn, not just be taught, and that's an invaluable skill.
nt12many says
Thank you, Leila, for your opinion on the Well Trained Mind. My experience has been that there are moms who love that approach and get fired up by the book and so they have the enthusiasm to implement it (and, perhaps, the educational background). I read it and was overwhelmed, especially since I had little ones at the time and getting the laundry done was a momentous occasion!
I also have had late readers. My dad didn't read until he was 9 and he went on to get a Ph.D. from Yale. Our eldest son didn't read until he was 12 and he started college at 18 and excelled in writing and literature. He is now teaching English in Korea.
Our children's skill level does not always correlate to intelligence. I could see that my son was always learning and his vocabulary was off the charts but he struggled with reading.
Remember, ladies, to enjoy your children and give them a childhood! As we enter our 23rd year of homeschooling (with a seven year old…so I'll be homeschooling with a walker!), I am alarmed at the number of young homeschooling moms who are approaching homeschooling with a career mindset. Homeschooling is just one part of our child's day. Enjoy your babies, toddlers, teens and tweens!
priest's wife says
about Well-trained Mind- I use it for myself and for the reading lists. My big girls have a writing class when I have time to go to the library with the 2 littles- so I take their suggestions and WTM's and check out books for them from that.
Amanda says
Loved this whole post! I completely agree about the ideal school vs the current reality. My MIL and I often have this discussion (she was a teacher for 10 years and I taught for 1 year before having kids) and we always come up longing for simpler, more neighborhood-based schools
I think what we must keep in mind when considering The Well-trained Mind is that Susan Bauer, her siblings, and I'd imagine her 4 children as well, were and are pretty advanced learners. In her mother's story the whole reason she began homeschooling was because her children were considered “problems” in school because they were already reading and thinking far above “grade level” and so she was advised to homeschool them. Now I have an advanced learner (both a massive blessing and the bane of my existence, lol!) and I really loved the WTM partly because it gave me permission/confidence to teach my son to read when he wanted to. He is much more content to play in the normal, meandering way of 4 year old boys after we've had our reading (and now math) lessons. And man is he helpful in the grocery store to read me my list 🙂 I refused to teach this poor child because everyone said boys need to take longer to read, but when I finally consented and did 5 minute a day phonics lessons on the couch with mommy he became a much happier little boy and immediately was blending letter sounds. On the other hand I, as a public school student who later was in honors classes and such, did not read at all until age 7. It just didn't click until then. Both are just fine, kids just get there in spurts and at different times and it's never nearly so smooth and gradual a transition as we think it should be 😉 So I think there is another side to the idea of waiting and letting kids read when ready. Sometimes letting them read when they're ready may involve starting their 'education' of sorts much earlier than planned. Or it may mean not freaking out because their handwriting hasn't caught up to their reading skill or their addition skills aren't where their logical thinking skills are.
bit, about the cyber schools in PA. I've also been tempted by the free curriculum 🙂 and know a few parents who enjoyed it for K-2nd. By 3rd you'll likely want to get out though because they begin what's called “Study Island” with required extra study hours logged online. Before that the kids don't spend much if any time on the computer themselves and the required hours are very doable when you count normal activities as well (cooking as math/science, vacations as field trips, soccer as PE, etc). But after 3rd grade it gets very 'teaching-to-the-test'. Also, one of the 2 major PA Cyber Schools is on probation for low test scores. They aren't required to tell you this unless you ask outright. Not that test scores are that important, but it's something to keep in mind as any school who fails to meet Adequate Yearly Progress (AYP) 5 years in a row can lose its accreditation. And yes it will definitely feel different than homeschooling. So just if you decide to try it out be sure you are treating it like a Charter School and not comparing too closely with either Homeschool or regular Public School or you might end up frustrated at thinking Homeschooling is not going well when what's really happening is Charter Schooling isn't going well.
Carolyn says
Leila,
I am a mom to 6 – 10 months to 12 years old. Our oldest 4 are currently in the public schools. We pulled our oldest 2 out of our local parish school a couple of years ago after becoming discouraged with the lack of a good, Catholic environment which we thought we should be getting there.
We live in a neighborhood where you either go to the Cahtlic school or the public school – there are very few, if any, homeschoolers in the nearby area. How do you find these wonderful, large families that you say are so helpful to your children's lives?
My heart is called to homeschooling over and over again as the only way to maintain some calm in the midst of raising all the children. The schools definitely don't help. Also, the families our children meet just have completely different priorities. Weekends full of sports and expensive vacations etc.
Any advice? Thanks for all you do!
Donna L. says
Hi Carolyn,
I hope Leila will answer this for *both* of us!
We have only a few homeschooling families and they are 45 minutes to an hour away. I'm all for driving that way, (and have) but I haven't had any friends willing to make the commute to come our way….and anyway, a few of those friendships went sour…here is hoping I make some friends this year, and my kids do, too!
_Leila says
Carolyn and Donna and others looking for the right friends and community — PRAY!! Pray seriously for guidance in choosing the right friends and knowing how to be friends to them. Think about it and pray about it!
Don't look for the PERFECT family/friends — just make lots of friends and do lots of things as your schedule allows.
Then accept the non-social times as coming from God directly — meant to strengthen your family bond and friendship with HIM. Don't worry. God will guide you. Little by little — keep your eyes open, try to be good to others, and pray!
Amanda says
I love the “accept the non-social times as coming from God directly” and following. My husband and I discerned this several years ago after our “couple friends” at the time moved away due to military and we didn't make any more even half as close. We realized God was strengthening our relationship and looking back, I realize how much we've grown over the last 4 years! So, trust!
Anna says
I'd like to address the “We just don't work well together.” I have four children, three schooling in grades 5, 3, and K.
Teaching the first child (of course, one that is not.like.me.) was very rough. I didn't have the patience, she didn't have the attention. There were a few things at play.
1) she wasn't ready yet. Most of the time, a child that is stuck on a lesson needs a little time- 2-6 weeks, in my experience- before it just CLICKS. This *is* the advantage to homeschooling, in my opinion.
2) I was a little over-excited about the whole thing, maybe also feeling the pressure of “doing it right” and pushing too hard. If you're like me, when your child gets it once and then forgets, you tend to push harder to get back to it because she just did it! I've learned now that it's usually smarter to put the book away and try again tomorrow.
3) I DID need to learn patience. It was a great thing to have to put her needs before my timeline. Eventually, we worked it out. To be honest, most parents end up doing this (learning patience, working through the frustration of teaching a lesson) anyway with the nightly homework that the kid didn't learn at school in the first place.
With child 2 and 3… it was much easier, mostly because I had already learned my own lessons on how a homeschooling mom should behave. 😉
Helene says
I agree, Anna, I am probably learning more through homeschooling (as far as life lessons go) than the kids are learning! It has taught me so much and I'm sure I don't even realize how much it has benefitted us individually and as a family unit.
Patty says
Yes, the times that we have gotten off track and neglected, say, Math for (hmm… yes, it probably was) 2–6 weeks, are the times that my kids have made the most progress in catching on to what they were learning. Breaks are good! 🙂
Deanna says
As a home educator for 18 years myself – I say Amen! to what you have shared! We tend to think of reproducing a classroom environment in our homes, and that shouldn't be. My kids have done school work while lying on the floor, in a hammock etc…it shouldn't take FOREVER to get book work done.
I think parents feel overwhelmed because they think they can't do it, but they can!
Thanks for the great post!
Anne Marie says
Oh, Auntie Leila, thank you for sharing these answers, which greatly edified me!
Heidi says
Excellent post! I'd like to add, about crafty projects and distractions for smalls, what I have in place for my two-year-old twins while I'm homeschooling my first-grader. Somewhere online I found a post about Busy Boxes – a plastic shoebox with an activity inside. I've put together six and have not had to use them yet, but I'm hopeful that when I'm trying to work on dictation/reading with the six-year-old, the twins will enjoy cutting paper, straws, and string in the cutting box, or gluing pom-poms, sequins and buttons in the gluing box, stringing beads, pasta and washers in the lacing box, or painting with paper, watercolors and a little jar of water in the painting box. They don't know about the boxes yet, and I'm committed to keeping them just for school time. I think if you search for “busy box ideas for preschoolers”, you'll find a bunch of ideas.
Helene says
I TOTALLY agree about WTM. It looks like a curriculum designed for an only child who also happens to be a mega-genius. But no curriculum will perfectly fit any family anyhow. We have had the best luck with purchasing a curriculum and following it generally but making every necessary adaptation to make it do-able for us. And what may work for one student one year, may not work for the next one. One year at a time, one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. That is all that is asked of us, after all! Can't wait to see your high school post. I have a Freshman and Sophomore right now.
Helene says
Would also like to add: I keep three sterilite boxes up on a high shelf: one with glue stix and construction paper, one with play doh and baby rolling pins, and one with Crayola washable paint. During lessons the toddlers can have one box out at a time and it gets all picked up before another activity begins. I also have a puzzle box. And my two year olds have all loved standing on a chair pulled up to a sink full of tub toys. Magic. When my 9 yo finishes the bulk of her lessons her morning chore is then to supervise the toddlers and keep them as busy as possible. And no toddler ever perished from a *little* educational tv. I used to feel guilty about this. But then I realized it was often the thing that allowed us to homeschool and keep happy kids growing at home for yet another day.. So your toddler can now count to ten in Spanish, where's the guilt in that?
sibyl says
When thinking about homeschooling, please please keep in mind that TEACHERS ARE NOT NECESSARILY EXPERTS! We sometimes get so cowed about doing these basic things, like teaching a kid to read and write and count accurately. We think that we'll ruin a child if we try to do it ourselves, sort of like if we try to be our own pharmacist and instead of producing health-restoring medicine, we produce poison. But this is not true. Most elementary school teachers have training in how to teach, but that training necessarily focuses on groups, rather than individuals. We as moms are focused on each individual, whom we have known since their birth.
Teachers can teach, but so can parents. Most of elementary school content is stuff that every functional adult knows and can pass along. And where you don't know (for example, how the solar system works, what all the names of the parts of a flower are, all the parts of speech), you learn right along with your child.
Laura Jeanne says
I really enjoyed this post today – thank you. I have 4 children, and the oldest (13) has decided to go back to school for grade 8 this year in order to make friends, since our new home is a bit isolated. After only 2 days of her in school, I had a vague feeling of unease that I couldn't put my finger on – but you nailed it – modern schools are too INVASIVE into the child's life. They insist on homework that takes up the child's entire evening, they tell the child when they are or are not sick enough to go to school, they tell the child what the correct things are to believe and think and say, they don't even provide adequate time to eat lunch. My daughter is very unhappy in school, and we will see how it goes but I can imagine she might end up coming home again.
School today, is just TOO MUCH. And don't get me started about the sickening quantity of fundraisers. I was notified of I think 6 different fundraisers on the first day alone. Tulip bulbs, pizza kits, chocolate bars, Scholastic book orders…One of them was to come to the school to test drive a new Ford! I'm serious! All this focus on money makes me wonder how much time the school administration spends actually worrying about education. And furthermore, my child has to share a tiny desk with another girl, yet the school is raising money to buy every classroom several new iPads? Where is the logic in that? Howabout raising money for things like books, or desks, or pencils!
I feel the same as you though Leila, that I really do like the IDEA of school, and I think it would be so helpful if I could send my kids to a school I trusted for the day so I could focus on housework and farm chores for a few hours…but from what I can see, good schools that actually focus on real education, and don't try to take over a child's entire life, don't exist anymore, at least not around here.
I am reading through the Robinson site, thank you – it is very inspiring. If my daughter does decide to come back home, I will be sure to use some of his ideas to ensure she is adequately challenged. One question though Leila – Mr. Robinson insists for homeschooling to really work, the home must have NO TV. What is your take on this? Did your kids ever watch tv growing up? I would love to toss the tv myself, but my husband feels that is unbearably cruel, so the kids just have limited time each day. I would love for you to do a post about media and children some time!
Mary says
Hi Laura. I'm sorry your school year isn't starting off very well for your daughter. That school sounds like a joke. I probably have no right to ask, but here goes: Why is your 13-year-old calling the shots about where she's educated? That's for you and your husband to decide. You're responsible for her, so you're the ones with the authority here. God bless and good luck.
RubberChickenGirl says
I love you, Auntie Leila (said with a West Coast antie)!
Thx for some reminders….I love this in particular:
“For a young child, pretty much this is the list:
Reading.
Math.”
Too true!
RCG
JessT says
“The Successful Family Handbook” by the Moores is currently in print and contains much of what is in “Better Late than Early” and their other books.
Other than that, thanks for the wisdom and encouragement!
_Leila says
Thanks, Jess!
JessT says
You're welcome! Our homeschool mom group went through it a year ago, and it was great. I did make an error, though: It is titled “The Successful Homeschool Family Handbook,” a rather important distinction!
Anitra says
Leila, I'm going to disagree with you a little bit about preschool. I am sending my oldest this year to Pre-K (she is the only half-day student at a very small preK-8 Christian school), and it is DEFINITELY what we needed. She needs much more structure than I have been able to provide, and had resorted to begging everyday to go places where there might be other kids around who aren't babies (library, playground, church).
Basically, we do a formal pre-K because it gives: structure, predictability, social interaction, and some intellectual stimulation, in an environment we trust. I wouldn't put her in full-day programs at this point – although I think she'd handle it fine, I want her to have more time at home and with her little brother, and I want to ease us into “schooling” as a family.
Mrs. Pickles says
Yes! Dittoes to everything! I am always pleasantly surprised every year how little time homeschooling actually takes, at least with the little ones. I started doing “school” with my 4yo son this month, which consists of phonics, writing, and a math activity. Takes 15-20 minutes top. The rest is “Busy Time” with independent activities, and lots of free play. I like your idea of an activity corner — I don't really have one but can definitely see the need for one.
I wanted to mention what we use for reading — I tried 100 Easy Lessons with my oldest, but that didn't really work for us. She got stuck around lesson 20-something. So I backed off for a time and tried again with the Bob Books (have you seen them?). They worked great — the illustrations are cheesy but I felt it was just the right progression. For my second daughter I used those in combination with The Ordinary Parent's Guide to Teaching Reading. What I like about this book is that it uses little rhymes to help children remember their letter sounds. All my kids have been fantastic memorizers, so maybe that's why it works so well for us. I'm using it with my son this year. It takes him a little while to learn the rhyme at first, so I don't push it, but I will say it several times while he listens. I've noticed that by the next day he can recite it easily. It also helps that his older sisters have been reciting the rhymes they remember several times a day. 🙂 That's the gift of homeschooling a larger family — you hardly have to teach the younger ones anything because they pick up so much on their own! I wasn't even planning on starting school with my son until he started asking me how to spell various words — I don't remember teaching him how to write letters! 🙂
Susan says
I don't understand where to submit a question other than here?
So here goes: The culture keeps telling me that my two boys, ages 8 & 11, will inevitably go off the deep end when they are teenagers. Is it true?
Does homeschooling children mean you bypass much of dreaded aspects of the teen years (and does it therefore tend to prove that most of this teenage angst business is more a product or construct of our cultutre rather than an inevitable part of development?) I'm thinking homeschooling is part of the answer, but am looking for your input on teens.
Love your blog, and it helps me so much–thanks!
@APerfectVacuum says
Auntie Leila, did I somehow miss your post on homeschooling high school?
_Leila says
@APerfectVacuum, No, I haven't done more than hint at high school homeschooling. If you have a specific question, maybe you could email me? leilamarielawler @ gmail dot com
Sally says
Hi Leila! I was curious about how you went about homeschooling high school. Some of the things I was wondering about, was if you used the same books/curriculum for all of your children? Did you have set hours in the high school years? Did you let your children lead as far as what they wanted to study? Did you sit and “teach” any of the classes or were your children pretty independent? What did you use for religion/faith? I guess what I’d really like to see is a run down of one of your high school years (grades) as far as books/curriculum and a schedule, if any, or whatever else was used for “curriculum” like sports for gym class, involvement in politics for Government, music lessons for an elective. I would love to sit and chat with you about high school. I know I would come up with a lot more questions once the conversation got going!! I am not a newbie at this but would love to hear your words of wisdom on this topic!! Yours is the only blog I read. You are full of common sense and are not afraid to use/share it. Thank you!! Sally
Kaitlin @ More Like Mary says
Thank you for putting into words my hesitation with Well Trained Mind. Something just didn’t sit well with me and it feels good to be affirmed by you!
mary says
Thank you for putting into words my hesitation with Well Trained Mind. Something just didn’t sit well with me and it feels good to be affirmed by you!