1. Destruction-proofing your family.
Sometimes I get into arguments with people about whether housewifery is drudgery. It's funny to me, because it seems obvious that just about every job has a drudge aspect. I suppose that even a top executive sometimes does nothing more exciting than rearrange the paper clips.
Once, in a gathering of friends, one person was really badgering me about this. He kept saying, “Your life is cleaning bathrooms — just drudgery! There is nothing redeeming about that job!”
Since the bathrooms need to be cleaned, and slavery doesn't seem to be the answer, I don't find it a big deal. But I was interested to know what he thought would be a job without drudgery.
“For instance, what do you do for a living?” I asked.
“I'm an accountant.”
After the riotous laughter in the room died down, it was generally acknowledged that I had won that round.
My point here is that everything we do has a goal, and if we keep that goal in mind, difficult chores and even drudgery, rather than looming large and overtaking our consciousness to the point that we can't function, resume their true proportions.
Preparing food, cleaning the house, folding laundry, getting to appointments — all these things can be handled if we're moderately competent at them (because nothing is worse than boring stuff we have to do but are not good at) and if we're doing them for a greater purpose.
A day is our portion of time. In a day, we have our goal and we have our working towards the goal. The working sometimes is drudgery, I admit that. The goal — well, the goal is being together, and that means — dinner!
So if right now you are getting the idea of competence, and you are a little afraid about dinner, because the little rascals are outnumbering you around the table, here are some strategies to help you.
I call them strategies, but don't get the wrong idea. It's not that they are techniques. We're not trying to manipulate anyone.
Authority is the key. Just be confident in your God-given authority. Together, you can guide and form your family to be what you want it to be — taking into consideration, of course, the personalities of everyone involved. That last part — about personalities — is where all the surprises come in, but fortunately they are good surprises — ones that make us grow!
The following strategies, then, are tools for competence in forming interpersonal relationship skills and managing interactions — also known as making a family! This post is intended for when the children are babies on up to about fourteen or so.
Investing in these strategies now, when you seem so very helpless against that combination of their sheer numbers and your lack of experience, will pay off great dividends in the future. You just have to have trust that your children really don't know anything different from what you tell them and demand of them (which is why you have to be careful of the TV they watch, lest they sense that there is another way other than yours!). Always remember: For a long time, you have them where you want them. If you served them dinner of beans in a trough, garnished with a couple of dead dogs (not mine, Fawlty Towers), they would think that was normal.
See how much better you feel already?
1. They don't have to sit with you for very long.
Managed expectations are huge in this whole “forming a family” thing. If the children help get the table ready, say grace with you, and are expected to sit for just ten or fifteen minutes, it will be easier to get them to behave. Remember, eating dinner together is about you and your husband sharing your meal and your conversation with each other. Eating with you is a privilege. It's not about the children being there for every second of it, with the focus on them exclusively. If you're enjoying them, fine. If not, dismiss them before they make you cry.
Teach them to ask to be excused if they are getting wiggly; ask them if they would like to be excused if you are about to lose your mind. The usual expectation is that the youngest will not last as long as the eldest, but sometimes the latter can be called upon to watch the former while you just relax over your meal with Dad. Or you can use your wiley tactics to clear the room of all but the one child you really want to talk to/correct/get to the bottom of what's bugging him.
When a child is excused, he can take his own place setting away, as well as returning for another item. At the minimum, he knows that he is on call for clearing/cleaning up purposes later on if needed. (We will talk about cleaning up the kitchen in another post.)
It doesn't hurt to give everyone a pep talk before dinner about behavior. Be clear on what you want. “We're going to sit quietly, eat quietly, and enjoy each other. Or else.”
If you know that it doesn't have to be for long, you can refrain from too much correction during the meal. Remember, the other meals are the time to practice manners and behavior. At dinner, let your husband correct the children and be sure to back him up. You can always discuss your approach (and differences thereof) another time. If he's too tired for discipline, then you do it, but he has to back you up.
2. Everyone has to be polite.
Do go back and read this post about rudeness. Most of your problems over the food will disappear if you demand courtesy.*
If Dad is willing to give swift justice in the form of banishment or a spank when rudeness rears its ugly head, there will be no issues on this score. For instance, who would ever say, “This looks gross?” Suppose the child had made the dinner? Wouldn't he be offended if we said that to him? Ask him.
At our table we talk quite a bit about the food, and I would say that the excellence of my homemade pizza is due entirely to decades of intensive critiques of my efforts. But the norm is to be grateful to and supportive of the cook. For years my husband raved over each and every meal I served. That really set the tone, you know?
Parents, be polite to each other. Never talk to each other as if you are one of the kids. Fathers, talk to your wife with a loving tone. Mothers, don't continually interrupt your husband to attend to/correct/admonish a child. Make the child wait until your husband has finished his sentence. It won't hurt him and it will show your husband that you respect him. Fathers, notice that she is trying to concentrate on you and deal with the little trouble-maker yourself.
3. One conversation.
This one is in extra bold. This is a vital aspect of courtesy. I cannot overemphasize the long-term benefits of this strategy.
Phil had a boss (Ed Fuelner of the Heritage Foundation) about whose leadership he still recounts anecdotes. Ed knows how to build up around him a group of loyal, intelligent people who are willing to work energetically. One thing Ed would do in a meeting that Phil particularly appreciated was to remind everyone to pay attention with this phrase: “One meeting!” That man did not suffer side conversations lightly.
At home, Phil would often pull everyone together by saying, “One conversation!” Let me tell you all the reasons why this is on my top 10 list of great things my husband does to make our family… well, my kind of family.
First, it's just survival. The din would be too much without this rule.
Second, it makes it possible for conversation to occur in a reasonable, civilized way. If you allow multiple conversations, things quickly descend into multiple fights. With hitting.
Third, it develops the skill of listening; a skill more in demand than supply. Listening is a habit. Habits are formed in the home, usually at the dinner table.
Fourth, where there is a conversational free-for-all, the dominant personalities end up only talking to each other. Less assertive family members stay mute or, in a truly terrible development, pick off other non-alphas for side discussions, leading to that worst of social offenders, the picker-offer — you know, the person who can't join a general discussion at a party, but insists on engaging you, sotto voce, one-on-one, often using body language to turn you away from what you really want to attend to. These party poopers are bred in families who don't have the one-conversation rule. They are compensating, not very well, for never having been trained in the art of discussion with multiple people, and very often they are from larger families! But ones without a strong orchestrater of the conversation.
Fifth, the good leader has good awareness about the less dominant types and includes them, giving them their chance to speak. (That awareness can be facilitated by your little sign to him: “So-and-so has something to say….”)
Often, dominance correlates with age. With Phil's (and Ed's) technique, the youngest (or somehow weakest) child, having indicated a desire to say something, can't be drowned out or shouted down. He has his say. He has the floor. Sometimes he doesn't indicate or in fact the opposite — shows real reluctance –that he wants to join in. All the more reason for the alert parent to draw him out.
Everyone listens respectfully, eschewing, perforce, the destructive solution of saying something aside, to his neighbor. None of that! Thus, even the shyest person at the table has a chance, and receives encouragement to take it. Little by little, he learns to be bolder. He waits for his opportunity. He stores up his sentences, knowing and trusting that he will be attended to. You know, it's quite difficult to have mustered up the courage to speak, only to become aware that others are whispering or otherwise not paying attention. Nowhere else in our utilitarian world will he be given the chance to run with the big boys, as it were, but without the danger. That is what being a family is — a safe place to be yourself — to be loved for who you are, not what you can contribute.
The one-conversation rule facilitates that glorious characteristic of the family.
4. Children can be asked to stop talking.
Here is a strategy I would like to print up on a card and hand to ladies in the dress shop and gents in the food line at the game.
You can tell your child to stop talking.
If you are concentrating on what blouse goes with what skirt, which do you think is better: To let your child babble on, getting louder and louder, “Mommy, look at this toy! Mommy, can I have this truck? Mommy, MOMMY!!!” Or to say, “I will talk to you in a bit, but now I have to concentrate. Please be quiet.”
At the dinner table, discover the wonderful, peaceful, amazing world of occasionally silent children. If your family is anything like ours, most of the time the children will be brimming with the day's news, the latest argument, the entire plot-line of the book they are reading, and, as a friend recently reminded me, the “what-ifs” — a mode of discussion that turns any situation, no matter how mundane, into a flight of hypothetical fantasy with no exit strategy.
That's all great, and it's what makes time with them fun (as long as there is one conversation and everyone takes a turn listening as well). It's also what convinces your children that you really are interested in them. If you don't listen to the entire catalog of the doings of Calvin and Hobbes when your child is ten, don't expect to hear about his deepest thoughts when he is sixteen.
But keep in mind that the greatest gift you can give your kids is your love for each other, husband and wife. This love is developed, among other places, at the dinner table, and you need to be able to talk to each other.
You also need to be able to respond to what the children have said and maybe even offer a few ideas, anecdotes, or plot summaries of your own.
What holds you back is that you can't imagine saying to a group of friends, “I am going to ask you all to be quiet now. Mr. Lawler and I need to talk.” What you are forgetting is that, unlike your relationship with your friends, you have authority over your children (who are your friends, but also your “subjects,” and I mean that in a very royal yet loving way, first and foremost).
So what would be fairly shocking to your friends is not only appropriate with your children, it is necessary — and I am begging you to employ this strategy, for the love of all that is peaceful.
5. “Not of general interest.”
Did you ever read Cheaper by the Dozen? Or maybe it's in Belles on Their Toes…. In any case, Mr. Gilbreth, undoubtedly one of the livelier and more eccentric heads of household you will ever read about, would keep his many children from hijacking the conversation by bellowing, “Not of general interest!”
In our house, where the conversation can quickly descend into the minutiae of details as various as the distinction between lawn and voile cottons or the relative merits of gun cleaning methods, but most of all for the latest adventures of imaginary Lego people, this phrase comes in handy. It's an escape hatch for the truly desperate. Don't overuse it, but don't overlook it either.
6. Be understanding of the younger ones.
It's really hard to sit still if you are young and everyone is talking about whether the value-added tax constitutes an opportunity for reform or merely more confiscation of our hard-earned cash. Yawn. Let them go play. They can put the milk away on their way out.
7. Younger ones are low on the totem pole.
It's important not to let everything always swirl around the youngest, most demanding (because least well behaved) child. We focused on you all day with your endless demands. Dinner is time for mother and father to catch up with each other and the older kids. Thus we provide an incentive to good behavior. If all the attention is on them, their bad behavior is its own reward. Later, we'll talk about how the older ones fall off their pedestal and the attention goes to the youngest, who have become the age that the eldest were when they were this age. But for now, concentrate on the older ones.
This is all for now.
Mostly, #3, one conversation.
Everything will be revealed if we cleave to this rule. Suddenly we will be struck by how rude, unkempt, dirty, and squirmy our children are, because we will be listening to some sort of narrative about a cowboy on a space ship and really, there won't be much else to think about.
But after a while, really and truly, hang in there, because we will also notice how genuinely funny and smart and thoughtful they are, and once their faces are wiped, how very good it is to be with them!
________________
*I know a bunch of you are going to ask me about picky eaters. Hang tight, we'll get there!
Bethany says
These are great! Thanks!
Elizabeth says
I always think your blog can't get any better and then it does! The one conversation rule is genius. And the reference to “Cheaper by the Dozen” and “Belles on Their Toes” was the cherry on top! It makes me want to move to your town so I can know your family in real life.
Mrs. Pickles says
I think I will be printing out this series and storing them in my Happy Housewife Binder for inspiration/pep talks when I feel like dinnertime is degenerating once again into a noisy free-for-all. THANK YOU for sharing your experience and common sense!
Briana/Justamouse says
#3 for the gold! You never cease to amaze me with how you pinpoint something I am completely unaware of-yet something that we also employ. One conversation-yes, that's the most wonderful thing about our dinner table.
Colette says
My memories of long conversations around the dinner table at night have had me persevering in requesting my husband use that dvr and record the news instead of watching it during dinner while I corral kids. My husband and Mr. Gilbraith actually have a lot in common (wonderful book!) and endless synopsis of Scooby Doo episodes are not of general interest. I credit those long dinner conversations in my family with cementing a strong family bond–something that my husband didn't experience growing up. One conversation–brilliant in its simplicity!!
Dyan says
Oh my! So true! Once again, I agree with you on all counts. As I was reading #3, I was thinking of #5, too. Then, of course, I was not surprised to read #5. It is great to read that line about having authority over our children. So many parents have forgotten that part and then wonder why their children don't behave well.
Thanks for this great post. I'll be sure to pass it on.
PNG says
“Not of general interest!”….love that one. I laughed out loud at the computer.:) I will have to remember that because I usually don't say something as genteel. And, unfortunately, I have no shy, quiet children that have to be coaxed to speak on a subject. They are all just as boisterous and anxious to blurt out, “I have the floor!” And, usually, it's Daddy that monopolizes the conversation with the subject of gun cleaning.:( We have a long way to go….or maybe not. Great tips!
Echidna says
Thank you for all of this… and here is a question. We have the sitting, the conversing, and the eating-of-new-foods down pretty well. But my older two (12 yo girl and 10 yo boy) still have simply terrible manners when it comes to actually getting food into their mouths. I mean picking at food with fingers, licking fingers and knives, screeching the knife across the plate and propelling half a piece of chicken across the table, spilling, slurping, lip smacking, and on and on. It is driving me crazy. They seem incapable of handling either knife or napkin. These are bright, smart, thoughtful, Latin-reading, piano-playing, godly young people, but they eat like pirates. My husband thinks we should let them converse and enjoy their food and not worry about the stains and awful sounds. I can't help but want to correct them and then dinner ends up tense. what would you advise?
priest's wife says
I remember somewhere- like maybe a Family Fun magazine- where a mom had a similar problem and once a week or so they had a good manners game to develop skills and she let it go the other days- so maybe a compromise between you and your husband?
_Leila says
Echidna, nitty-gritty table manners can be practiced at lunch. And it may be that you need a week of intensive training, with rewards and consequences. Then, at dinner, a look from you or a quick reminder are all that's necessary.
If your children are that old and still not eating with finesse, then you must do something about it quick. It's not a matter of correcting them at the dinner table — it's about their habits at all times, and their general situational awareness! Get them to think about how their mouth feels with food on it, about the noises, about having to get up to clean up a mess. And provide them with a good video of the correct manners — bet you can find one on youtube!
Dani says
It may be a total lack of awareness. Perhaps put your daughter in her best dress and have her eat off a beautiful dish…as she sits at a vanity in front of a mirror. Maybe after she has watched a dinner scene in a Jane Austenesque movie? My mother-in-law used to have a huge mirror hanging on the wall in her dining room, and you bet that put me on my best behavior 🙂
Laura says
Oh, yes — please don't just let this slide! My husband's family all have dreadful table manners, even their grown children, to the point that it's difficult for me to eat with them. The noises are just awful! My husband has some nasty habits too. He says I should just let him enjoy his food, but I can't enjoy mine when he's being gross, you know? Any idea how I can respectfully remind him about his manners? I'm afraid that when we have children, he won't back me up or insist on good manners.
Mel says
Laughing at the calvin and hobbes comment…that is my 7yo! Andnlooking forward to hearing what you have to say about picky eaters too…he is the pickiest child I have ever known.
ayearinskirts says
“nothing is worse than boring stuff we have to do but are not good at” Best line I've read in a long time!! So so true!
Joan Claire says
Your down- to- earth common sense and the charming, intelligent, hilarius way that you articulate never ceases to amaze me. Oh how I would have loved to have you by my side when our six ( all now it their 20's and 30's) children were at home. When I read your posts I feel so grounded in the things that really matter. I have tried to steer all of my daughters to your blog to learn all of the things I would have taught them if I had only known. You are a great blessing in this out of control world. How about some grand-parenting posts? Thank you dear Leila for sharing your intelligence and insights.
Corina says
This is absolutely brilliant! Thank you so much, this really gives me some perspective. We only have 2 for now and they are still little, but it's really good to know that à la longue there are strategies we can use to achieve a nice atmosphere at the dinner table.
Sarah Marie says
My, my, my. I do love your blog! (And I must add that your dining area is delightful.)
Abbie says
We insisted on company table manners at the evening meal (age appropriate). Now my adult children thank me as they go to social occasions and know without thinking how to act.
Wendy Clark says
Will you make an audio of all your great quotes so I can listen to it all day long? 🙂
Alice says
Any post with a Fawlty Towers reference is superb in my book:)
Thank you for these strategies, we always have our evening meal as a family, but it does get hectic.
Amy says
LOVE this! 🙂
Angela says
Just to say…I love you:) So very helpful and sensible.
nancy says
The hard work of sitting down to dinner and conversing does pay off…My husband traveled extensively throughout our kids growing up years, but I held to the rule that we eat at the table at a designated time. The habit is especially hard when you are sitting at the table feeding a 6 month old along with a 20 month old playing ” drop the food and watch the dog eat the food”. It is in those moments that mothers need to flash forward 20 years ahead and visualize their adult children lingering after dinner with them, in conversation.
Wendy in VA says
I think this may be one of your best posts ever. You are a blessing, Auntie Leila.
sibyl says
Oh, I so agree with everything. Up until lately, we thought we had this whole thing totally figured out. However, there is a strong strain of sarcasm that runs through both sides of our family and my 15 year old and 12 year old are repeat offenders. So instead of the “picker-offer” syndrome, we have the “sarcastic commenter” syndrome — these are comments they think are funny but usually end up being negative or critical. We always reprimand, but I'm starting to see that this is the “reaction but not action” kind of thing. I would LOVE if anyone could give me advice about this, especially due to the fact that my dear husband, a kind man, also does this in some cases too.
_Leila says
Sibly, I think our family can be this way too. We have had to learn to at least try to be kinder. Sometimes you just have to talk it out and work on it for a while. One thing is to put a premium on laughing at ONESELF, a truly great characteristic, one we value in others. The ability to turn the joke on oneself is a charming one. We can just work on it if that is what we need to do! Laugh at the good jokes and frown at the bad…
Rachel says
Ha! Growing up, my father would OFTEN say, “Not of general interest!” whenever one of us children was waxing…without waning. And then one day one of my younger brothers said, “Only because you're the general!”
And now most of my nine children have heard that story and are quite practiced at that retort.
***sigh***
Wonderful post, as usual!
Deirdre says
hahahahaha! That's hilarious!!
Carrie says
I had almost forgotten about “not of general interest”! I must resurrect that in my house. Also, thank you for mentioning ONE conversation. Something about our family dinners (8 of us, going on 9) was amiss and I didn't even know what it was until I read this. Exactly! Implementing that immediately. 🙂
Ginger says
Just brilliant. I was just finished with my grocery list and meals and thought I would check and see if you
had posted anything….And you posted what was exactly needed for me. I have just two Barbarians, and I have adopted most of your rules, for they were the rules of my house, except for the one about being dismissed early.
That was not done in my home, and I of course was carrying it on in my own home. I can hardly wait to do this tonight.
My neighbors have overheard me tell my son several times….”that's enough talking from you for awhile.”
Blessings to you.
Margo says
oh you are so wise! Thank you so much for the practical, detailed post. I can see that I've been aiming in this direction but now you've given me new vision.
The bad habit we fell into was setting the table at the last minute. The kids aren't easily hurried up and then there is yelling and crying – a terrible way to start dinner.
Pippi says
We have a setting the table at the last minute problem, too. My 1.5 year old will pull everything off the table if we leave it for a minute (our apartment is small for 4.5 people — there's no other place for her to be) so we have to wait to set the table until she's in her highchair. It's a mad dash and something is ALWAYS forgotten. I think I'm going to have to make a list and stick it in the kitchen to at least help my pregnant, hurried, insomnia-ridden brain remember to put out serving spoons and the water pitcher. It is so hard to start dinner with a stressful rush!
Lori @ IMK,IML says
This is great! I've never noticed that we have the one conversation practice, too. I can't call it a rule, because I don't think anything has ever been said about it.
Glenda Childers says
Leila, I love your mix of practical, brilliant and funny.
Carrie says
It's Cheaper by the Dozen. My kids laughed out loud more with that book than any other book we've read together. Great points. I am more thankful for my own parents all the time.
Donna L. says
Dear Auntie Leila,
Thank you for another amazing post chock-full of brilliant ideas!
For those of us who are “newbies” in the “one conversation” game, could you please write a short list of acceptable topics? I honestly have never done this….
Thank you for *making me smart*~
Sincerely,
Donna L.
_Leila says
Well, Donna, the sky's the limit! Who could make a list? Talk about what you want to talk about! You will probably spend most of your time talking about ninjas or something like that 🙂 The point is, everyone joins in the conversation (and, of course, there always will be little asides — the main thing is to keep them from hijacking things).
Donna L. says
Thank you, Auntie Leila!
I guess it makes sense to talk about what we want to talk about, but it seems everyone, (me too!) wants to share funny, interesting, thought-provoking things with Father because he is finally HOME! So, I believe our conversation would go something like this: “Please pass the chicken,- honey remember to chew with your mouth closed, so I was thinking about where we could go on vacation this summer…” then my middle child blurts out that in class they made huge, dill pickle light bulbs in science…
Donna L. says
laughter and giggles all around. You should have seen the smoke! More laughter, and disbelief…Then Dad says, “why did they use dill and not sweet?” Then everyone guesses that it is because of the salt…..so then, Oldest talks about her paper she wrote and sent to McDonald's about putting warning labels on some of their foods….talk all around about “McDogfood's” and one son wishing we would still buy hamburgers (we won't though after watching “Food inc” and “King Corn” and then 5 year old brags about how she made the eggs for breakfast this morning and we should have had “that” for dinner….I promise we will make those for breakfast….” So, after THIS 5 minutes of conversation, the baby is done, and ready for a bath upstairs, so big sister takes him on up, with the rest of her dinner, and the rest of us do a “cleaning rosary, Angel style” to get the kitchen cleaned back up…
Whew! Maybe in 10 more years? {Grin and wink}
_Leila says
Sounds like an awesome dinner-time convo to me!! What do you expect to be talking about? The one and the many? 🙂 Pickles it is!
Donna L. says
Oh! I get it! I *heard* “one subject and stay with it”–when you were actually saying “one conversation shared by all…at a time!” Now that, I can do!
Thank you so much!
Donna L.
Christy says
Brilliant as ever! I agree whole-heartedly with the asking your child to be quiet rule-definitely can be used by more people more ofter! Will the picky-eating post also deal with kids cleaning their plates or not cleaning their plates? Thats a big one in our house!
wendy says
Great post! I've been reading through your “reasonably clean house” posts and really appreciate all your great advice! I love the ONE conversation rule! I lead a monthly meeting at our church with about 20 people at the meeting and another 10 or so calling in on a conference call. Our meeting last month was so frustrating because of a small group having continual side conversations – so rude!!! It made it difficult for me to remember the things we needed to discuss and it made it really hard for those who had called in to hear the main points of the meeting. I haven't known how to address it at our next meeting, but now I do! Thanks! ONE Meeting! Yay!
Karen says
You are so spot one, and eloquently, that I want to cry. Seriously! You give hope to mothers of multiple small people everywhere! Thank you. So. Much.
Shann says
I do love your posts!
Conversation at dinner is something we struggle with. Our kids (7 and 9) are well behaved at the dinner table but sloooooow eaters which drives us a bit mad. Too much conversation (keeping in mind I don't want them talking with their mouths full!) drags it out even longer but alot of the time it seems like all we say is “hurry up”, “finish your dinner” “come on, eat” etc etc.
The issue with conversation is its either mind-numbing minutiae about the latest Beast Quest book/Lego creation/handball tournament or when I ask what happened at school, the answer is “I can't remember”. Its not like I expect them to be discussing the Australian political scene in depth, but a happy medium would be nice! Do you have any tips on conversation with youngish kids?
Elizabeth says
Excellent! If you ever print out those cards letting mothers know that they can ask their children not to talk, I'd love to have some to pass out as well. Long ago I started training my children to stop talking anytime I put my hand over my mouth and gave them 'the look'. That way I never had to interrupt myself to talk to them and I wasn't adding to the noise.
And to Shann, about conversation with younger children… I would say, discuss with your husband what you want to discuss and don't let the small ones hijack the conversation. I'm perfectly happy to let my children join in my conversation, but I really can't maintain a conversation about which is the best roller coaster at our local theme park during dinner and so we don't. Our children are welcome to have that conversation outside of meal time. At least a meal time where I'm present. Don't be afraid to set the conversation bar high and let the children reach for it.
Shann says
Good idea thanks Elizabeth. I guess i am “trying to hard” to converse with them, when what you're saying is just include them in the general conversation, rather than searching for kid-centric topics. I shall give it a whirl!
Megan @ The Ipps says
I get sad around dinner times. With husband being gone a lot due to the military I feel less motivated to cook, well, nice meals and miss the great conversations we have. I know the kids miss him too, especially 'cause we all look forward to being together during dinner. I get lonely a lot of times at dinner, even though I have four little ones (5.5 – 6 weeks) to keep me company. It's difficult to truly enjoy the kiddos when all I can think about is still having to wash them, the dishes, and tackle the laundry (all why juggling a, infant who prefers me at all times). They are more aware of me being by myself. It's become more of a battle to to get everyone to bed after dinner. Any suggestions on making dinner less lonely and less worrying on getting everything done? Oh, and there is something about the kiddos suddenly not being able to do anything, go to bed, etc. when their Daddy leaves. I can truly see his influence and how much they love him when he is away. I'd love a post or advice on disciplining children, chores, etc when their father is away. I know routine is key, but as you said, personalities sometimes really push me to the limits.
_Leila says
Megan, I know this is a real struggle for you. I think it's truly a tough place to be in. Maybe some of our experienced military wives can help. But one thing I suggest is rotating the kids through “daddy's place” — let them help you by being “the man of the house” for that night, or “princess helper” — give them the chance to be responsible and to see the big picture. It's okay for a small child to gain awareness that Mom needs help when Dad's away!
If he can encourage them in this, it will be great. Have you read “Little Britches”? I always recommend that because it shows the child's point of view — how they rise to the occasion when given the chance. We still protect them and set the standards, but they can grow in love for us too!
wanderingsue says
A cowboy on a spaceship! Yeah, we're just getting into those days… and you know, he does need his face washed!
I love you, Auntie Leila.