But — easier said than done!
So we'll talk about that.
Now, I'm not going to try to convince you in this post that it's a good idea to say the Rosary, which is a four-part meditation on the life of Our Lord, beginning with “He was conceived by the Holy Spirit” and ending with “Life Everlasting” from the Apostle's Creed.
It's as if you see every step of His Way — through the eyes of his mother.
But I don't have time or space.
So a couple of quick thoughts before we get down to the nitty-gritty of how on earth to pull this off.
1. If I were Lord of the Universe, I think I would focus my words and gestures in my final moments before I offered myself up as a ransom for many– wouldn't you? Here's one of the very few things he says and does:
“Standing by the cross of Jesus were his mother, and his mother's sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw his mother, and the disciple whom he loved standing near, he said to his mother: ‘Woman, behold your son!' Then he said to the disciple, ‘Behold, your mother!' And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home” (Jn. 19:25-27).
Pope John Paul II says about this:
The Mother of Christ, who stands at the very center of this mystery-a mystery which embraces each individual and all humanity-is given as mother to every single individual and all mankind.
And that's among the many reasons why the Church from this moment began a very deep devotion to Mary, continuing through the ages until today.
2. Read the story of the Battle of Lepanto and Chesterton's poem if you are interested in how the Rosary got big, and why October.
The point is that if we are realistic about the place of truth in human history, we will feel mighty powerless when we think about current events. What can we do? How can we rescue what we love? How can we fight for what is truly great and noble when it seems that a tide will swallow us up?
We can pray, and we can pray the Rosary.
3. So many of you have left me comments and sent me emails — especially when we post about an engagement or one of our weddings — asking me how to raise children to love purity. Of course on the one hand I have an opinion. On the other, I'm helpless and hopeless in the face of the desperate evil that our children face.
In Eugenio Corti's fabulous novel about World War II, The Red Horse — which, if I could just come over to your house and read to you, I would, only it's a thousand pages long and I have to write this post — one of the Italian officers muses on the chastity of his men, who come from the same small Catholic village he does.
He says something like (and I can't find the exact quote, because I'd have to read the book again to find it) — “In the end, it's the Rosaries our parents said that make us able to withstand the filth that's around us…”
I did dog-ear one (one! what is wrong with me! why can't I bring myself to mark up a book!) passage, in which a German priest is methodically sifting through the remains of some soldiers, after a battle, pulling
“pornographic photographs out of some pockets and Rosaries out of others….The priest handed every object, one by one, with a mechanical gesture to Pierello, who put it into a sack. The pornographic photographs were disconcerting to the young man (who was not accustomed to them), yet he was surprised even by the relative number of Rosary beads. He realized… the deep differences existing in the inner world of the German soldiers, who were outwardly the same…. At a certain point… he began to throw [the photos] away. The priest, after a moment's astonishment, nodded his head with approval and, without saying a word, did not hand him any more.”
Eternal. External. Internal.
Those are the reasons to put everything in Mary's hands. When we say the Rosary, we simply have a habit built in to our day to help us do this.
Wondering how to start? In “if I can do it, so can you” fashion, I will tell you.
1. Be very simple and childlike. Jesus gave Mary to us as our mother (see above). We will not offend her with our efforts, even if we find ourselves with the beads in one hand and yanking a child out from behind a sofa with the other. If you are feeling awkward, go re-read this post about praying with children.
Click on the photo to purchase this book from Amazon. |
2. Let your husband lead the Rosary. If it doesn't occur to him or come naturally, talk to him and ask him. Children learn to pray from their mothers, for the most part, but when the father leads the prayer, the children will take what they have learned with them into adulthood.
Of course, human nature being what it is, things don't always work out this way. Don't worry. Dad leading the Rosary often boils down to Mama saying, “Honey, should we say the Rosary in a few minutes?” Or else quietly carrying on as best she can. Or maybe it's he who carries on… What you are trying to avoid is putting your dear husband in the position of being one of the pack that you are trying to round up for prayers.
The Chief wishes that we would just say the Rosary at a particular time, and avoid the whole question of rounding people up for it. I have certainly noticed that when I am late with supper, I can't even pretend to aim for a time. The reality is that each one of us often has some reason to push supper back a bit or a lot — and sometimes it is he! So I try for serving supper earlier so that if there isn't a time for the Rosary, there is at least something like a window.
3. If you don't have the habit of saying the Rosary — of knowing the prayers themselves, please do me a huge favor and don't try to institute all four sets of Mysteries with everyone on their knees.
Why not try this just for this week:
Work your way from the bottom up. |
This is the first part — the little tail of the beads. For one week do this: your husband calls everyone together in a good spot (we sit or pace or, rarely, kneel, and to be honest, there are those who sometimes stretch out on the rug and yes, try not to be scandalized, pray while lying down). When the children are little, it's helpful if your spot is not near their toy area. You can light a candle (up out of reach of baby), if you like, pass out Rosary beads (although you can use your fingers), mention your intentions for which you are praying and give enough time for everyone to do so, make the Sign of the Cross, and pray:
The Apostle's Creed – (find this and the other prayers here.)
The Our Father
Three Hail Marys (for the virtues of faith, hope, and charity)
The Glory Be
Make the Sign of the Cross and be on your way after extinguishing the candle.
Do that for one week and you will be ready to say one decade of the Rosary the next week along with those prayers. So — the above, plus do this:
Announce the decade of the Rosary you are praying (let's say it's Monday — say, “The first Joyful Mystery, the Annunciation”), say an Our Father, 10 Hail Marys, and a Glory Be. Make the Sign of the Cross, and off you go! (Don't forget to blow out the candle. I really don't want comments about how you burned down your house because Auntie Leila said to light a candle.)
Do that for the next week as well. If things are going well, and do try not to continually ask yourselves if they are going well, but just notice afterwards how it went, do your one decade and then say the Hail Holy Queen.
On the fourth week, try saying the whole Rosary (5 decades), ending with the Hail Holy Queen.
4. One more thing: Confine your teaching and explaining to non-prayer times. Prayer is talking to God. Many adults thwart their own purposes by constantly addressing themselves to children in explanation, which naturally causes the children to think that prayer is meant to be talking to them.
You can see where that is going.
So by November you can be saying the whole Rosary with your family. Do you think that Our Lady will be upset if you don't really get past a decade, or even the little tail? Really? Do you?
Silly you.
Anticipating your questions, let's Ask Auntie Leila:
1. “My kids just won't sit still.”
Your kids are very little, most likely, so that's why we're just starting with the tail of the Rosary. You know, when I became a Catholic at the age of 19 I had really never knelt at all. I physically could not kneel! It made me squirmy and I felt like I would pass out and my knees hurt and all I could think of was how uncomfortable I was and I actually kinda hated it.
But little by little I got used to it — my body got used to kneeling. In the year 2000 we went to Rome for the Jubilee year. One day I caught myself marveling at how actually comfortable kneeling on the marble floor of St. Peter's was — for the whole Mass!
Lighting a candle, having a spot where you gather, allowing a moment to appreciate the wonder of addressing God, and, paradoxically, turning your attention away from the children towards something beyond — these all help. Build it up gradually.
Even a small child can sit still for the first bit, and you should ask them to firmly. Before you start, tell them that you expect them to stay with you for that part, and then when you give them the nod, they can choose to stay put or go off to play quietly (you can designate appropriate activities beforehand if you don't want them chasing each other with toy machine guns during the prayer).
2. “They still misbehave.”
Re-read point #4 above and stop focusing on them.
Just as in other instances, you will have to stop what you are doing (one of you, while the other continues the prayer) and put a stop to the misbehavior if it's really disruptive. That's another reason to keep things short while they learn that you mean it. At first you will be sort of on edge, but soon you will realize that the best thing is to state your expectations firmly beforehand, ignore what you can during, and deal with what you must, also firmly. Auntie Leila is not above rewarding people for good behavior, but don't mention it during the misbehavior or threaten.
I don't consider a child up to the age of about seven, quietly playing on the floor (according to their development), a distraction — or someone wandering out to check on the coloring left on the table, or to go out of the room to sing a song.
In other words, are they disrupting to be that way, or because they lost their concentration? Big difference.
Be flexible and don't stress out. In the end, when you stick with it, keep your standards, and don't give too much importance to little children's naughtiness once you've handled it, you will find that they pray very sweetly with you. It might take years, but it will happen.
3. “Some days we just can't fit in the Rosary, or we have guests, or for some other reason we don't say it. This makes me think we're just not good at it.”
If you ran a convent I'd say you were messing up, but family life is not like that. There are times, especially with older children, that dinner gets extended because you are all having a great discussion or so much fun that the Rosary time gets skipped. That is just fine.
Saying the Rosary most days gives you the habit of doing it — takes it from something you make a decision about every time to something you just do. That's important so that you can attend to what's behind it, rather than the mechanics of it. What's behind it is loving God enough to have a standing date with Him for this kind of meditation on His life, His will, and His mother's loving care.
If you are attending Vespers at your church or praying the Liturgy of the Hours at home, entertaining guests who would be made uncomfortable (but it's amazing how many appreciate praying too!), or what have you, don't worry! You are free!
Don't forget, you can pray the Rosary together on a hike, in the car, or when you are putting the children to bed, although I don't really recommend doing that often, or they will be conditioned to fall asleep as soon as the Rosary starts!
I've noticed that children grow up saying, “We always did this or that” when I know for sure we did it, well, not always. But I think they are right. For all intents and purposes, if it's a habit, you “always” do it!
priest's wife says
Some might like to sign up with 'Rosary for the Bishop'- you pick your bishop and the frequency you'll be offering a rosary for him and his intentions
For those in high traffic areas, I heartily recommend a rosary while driving!
LeeAnn Balbirona says
I like your suggestion to start with the “tail.” 🙂 Small steps!
Chickensinmykitchen says
That was beautiful. I grew up Catholic, but we belong to a different church now. I still like the idea of praying the rosary with the children. Would that be theologically wrong somehow?!
LJ says
Oh, I don't think so! The whole point is that Mary is our mother, and anytime we pray with her we will become closer to Christ. We can rest so confidently in her love and the love of her Son… I'm sure there's nothing wrong with praying the Rosary with your children!
christine says
I agree, the Rosary is simply a reflection on the life of Christ. Doesn't matter what church you attend, we should all meditate on His Life.
Betsy M says
My best friend's MIL is not Catholic but the rosary has become her favorite devotion.
Chickensinmykitchen says
Thank you all for taking the time to reply! I feel encouraged!
Jackie says
Thank you for the suggestion! I am going to start applying this method of the “tail” this week along with a Divine Mercy Chaplet in song. I pray it may bring peace to my home, along with happiness. God bless you.
Jennifer says
“We will not offend her with our efforts, even if we find ourselves with the beads in one hand and yanking a child out from behind a sofa with the other.” Thank you especially for this… I LOVE praying the rosary with all of my being and I want my children to love it as well. Many attempt end up just as you've stated… and I think what's the use? But of course there is use… and I need not be discouraged, even if my efforts fall short!!
Lisa G. says
What an excellent explanation. You're a smart cookie.
Joyful says
I like the way you've presented your post. I'm not Catholic so I don't say the rosary but I can see you've put a lot of effort into helping others when they want to say the rosary and you have done a great job.
Nancy says
Wonderful post. I remember as a little girl when I would stay with my aunt and her family, after dinner we would kneel and pray the rosary as a family. It left a lasting impression on me and I continuedmy devotion to Our Blessed Mother aft
LJ says
Ooh- thank you for the pointer about not explaining during prayer! That just saved me from decades of confusing little pray-ers, I'm sure!
laurie says
Lovely! Thank you.
Breanna says
If Elijah can pray “with his face between his knees”, I don't think the Lord is offended if we lay down sometimes. Kneeling is excellent, too! (Even if it does always make me think of the part in “True Grit” where Mattie finds out the Texas Ranger is Episcopalian and says, “I figured you for some kind of kneeler.” 😉
Celine says
What a thoughtful post. I hope many more families will begin to practice this devotion after reading your post. I am happy to say that praying a daily family rosary has become a habit for us. We have found that small rosary booklets, with pictures depicting the mysteries, are very handy for keeping little children respectful when its time to pray. That said, we do still have to sometimes yank a child from behind the sofa…
Emily B says
What an inspiring post! Thank you so much; I needed the words of encouragement as well as the how-to.
shwell says
Wonderful post Leila, Thankyou.
I really like the “Bead by Bead Rosary Prayer Book” so far they have only published the Joyful Mysteries. Each double page has 1 page with a drawing of a Rosary with the current bead highlighted, and the opposite page is illustrated to match your current bead, my little boys have enjoyed using this book. I hope they will soon publish the other Mysteries. I should add that to my intentions 🙂
ayearinskirts says
How long does it take to do the whole thing? Do you aim to do the whole thing with your family every day? And typically what time of day did this occur? Thanks. Just curious.
Mary says
The average is about 15 min for a five decade Rosary and about 4 min for just the “tail” or beginning and one decade. You can say the Rosary at any time of day. Many people say the Rosary first thing in the morning, some after lunch or dinner. The car is particularly good, especially on a tedious trip, or before going to work. It is also good to say a Rosary when you have insomnia. Well, I should have just said, any time of day and it can be broken up into decades. A decade in the morning before school, a decade or two on the way to the shop, a decade or two after dinner etc. Leila's point is a good one: whatever part of the Rosary is said is the most pleasing to Our Mother!
_Leila says
ayearinskirts– the Rosary with the fam takes 20 minutes. We try to say it together. Long ago I came to the conclusion that saying it together is what Our Lady wants, with my husband leading. If he's not there, we say it together without him. There are days that we don't manage it, and that's fine.
Typically we say it after supper cleanup — between 6:30 and 7:30. When our older kids were little we aimed to say it together just on Sundays, and that yielded wonderful spiritual fruits for us. I am convinced that God is pleased with the most humble of efforts! Once the older kids get older, it's amazing what the younger ones will go along with!
But that is my family. Yours should do what fits you. One family close to us says the Rosary before leaving in the morning for work and school. It's all good!
justamouse says
We just prayed our first this week-and it was amazing,. Now, I did not light a candle, which I think would make it MORE amazing.
And ack! on the not explaining part. Yes,I admit, I did explain a little too much that time. But not makes perfect sense.
Awesome post.
Lisa G. says
Good for you!
Mary says
This is a wonderful post! So much spiritual sustenance! I just wanted to add that kneeling during has been found to increase the spiritual benefits not only for adults but children as well. The kneeling position relaxes certain muscles and tightens others that physically allow different parts of the brain to focus. Coupled with beautiful religious pictures or statues that recall the mind to higher things and the methodic repetition of the prayer, the Rosary becomes a source of great spiritual benefit for a person. Now add the Mediatrix of all Grace and you have the most powerful of prayers (outside of Mass) that any Christian could possibly say.
Lastly, the pose of hands in prayer – palm to palm is said to balance the two hemispheres of the brain, giving the benefit of spiritual rejuvenation to to both our logical and our artistic/emotional brain.
God does everything for a purpose. He leaves nothing to chance – how wonderful!
Sue says
Thank you so much for this!!! I have been sort of frozen by the silly “problem” of language. I taught my kids the rosary prayers in English (or, they have memorized them on their own using the wonderful aids we received from a certain good friend) but they don't know the prayers as well in Japanese, which would definitely be the language we would need to use praying the rosary as a family. I don't know why I was dragging my feet about that, but this post encouraged me so much, and your “tail” idea gave me the starting point. If we just do the tail for a while until everyone feels comfortable saying the Japanese we can go on from there. Genius! :o)
Lisa says
We're in!
Catherine says
Dear Auntie Leila,
What do you do if your husband isn't a practicing Catholic? I would LOVE for him to lead the prayer and believe that is the best, too, but it won't be happening here (at least now). What do I do about the whole “kids keeping the faith into adulthood” bit? I've heard that elsewhere, too, that the Dad's example is VERY important to the kids keeping the faith, and it worries me. I can't make up for his absence faith-wise or “take his place”. Do you have any words of wisdom for this situation? I would appreciate it.
Blessings, Catherine
_Leila says
Catherine, the most important thing you can give your children is a strong family life and the gift of a strong father for them to emulate. God doesn't want you to oppose your marriage and your goal of praying to Him, nor will He ask you to do that. You have to be clever! Maybe the Rosary is something you will pray by yourself for now, or just parts with the kids — and your main family prayer will be what your husband decides. Consider the Liturgy of the Hours — many non-Catholics love to pray the way Jesus prayed — Vespers, Compline — and this is the liturgical prayer of the Church — meaning, united to the Mass in a way that no other prayer is. In any case, don't extinguish the smoldering wick…
Catherine says
By the way, I too have been wavering on starting this, but felt I needed to. This post has helped me get moving, too.
Thank you!!!!
Kathryn says
Hi Mrs. Lawler! I love your blog, and recently I was thinking that you really should compile your posts into a book! I have a friend who is getting married and did not grow up with very much Catholic culture in her home (she is still not really a practicing Catholic), however she is interested and almost willing to learn. So I was wondering if there is a book I could giver her as an engagement/wedding present that could introduce her to how to live your family life as a Catholic. I think it would be great if it had beautiful pictures, and looked like a coffee table book, because let's face it if it is too long and wordy she will never open up the first page. Then I thought about your blog, and was like I wish I could wrap up the Lawler's blog and give it to my friend. I can tell her to check it out, but I think a book is a more concrete way of getting it in her hands. And I would think if I have a friend like that everyone does (and I actually have lots of those friends/family members) Just a thought . . .
_Leila says
Working on it, Kathryn! Thanks for your encouragement! I like your vision — it's what I want too!
Emily says
Sorry, new mom here, but what are reasonable expectations for a 19-month-old? Since she sits still for her favorite books, I'm thinking an illustrated book like those mentioned here might be helpful… I just never know how still and quiet I should expect her to be (this is a regular quandary at Mass!) We're working on it…
_Leila says
Emily, concentrate on praying with your husband, making a family prayer corner, and gently teaching your daughter to make the gestures (sign of the cross, kneeling, hands together, sitting up nicely, venerating a holy picture or crucifix…) with love. Don't expect any sustained attention from her, but also don't let her become the focus of your prayer! It's okay to pray after you put her to bed sometimes 🙂
Little by little, she will learn…
Dyan says
Great post! I second the idea of putting all of these wonderful posts into a book. I would buy it! and give it as gifts.
Dani says
Thank you! I am from a Protestant tradition, but we share some of these prayers in common and a desire to pray together as a family. I love the way you deal gently and realistically with including the little people in our worship at home.
Betsy M says
Love your ideas Leila. I have been second guessing out saying only a decade at a time (because of all the littles involved). I feel much better about it knowing that it is “Auntie Leila approved”. I also just downloaded the rosary audible onto my kindle and just love it. Helps me keep my place when praying while cooking or such. I sure hope that God doesn't mind my combining tasks at times.
Chickensinmykitchen says
Not that I can answer for God or anything, but surely not! Pray without ceasing, etc.
Rachel says
I am not Catholic and was raised in a community of Mennonites. Every time you write about Catholic life and the different aspects of your beliefs I'm fascinated. Although my upbringing was in a Christian home, we didn't have the repetition or respect of the changing year Catholic culture seems to have. Write more, Auntie Leila. Your posts have given me ideas in how to encourage reverence in my children and myself.
monica says
I completely agree with Kathryn that a book would be such a blessing!
While you and I are near in age, I sure would have benefitted from your wisdom over the years that I was most actively raising my children. I'm married to a non-Catholic. Hence, all of the Catholic child-rearing fell to me, even though it was to have been our joint vocation. I must admit that I sometimes buckled under the weight of carrying this load and resented my solitary role. While the children and I had prayer time, I so wish that I had adopted this practice of reciting a daily Rosary with them. I pray the Liturgy of the Hours and attend Mass daily. I desperately yet humbly pray the Rosary daily for my three children. I pray that they will have clarity and wisdom to discern what God's plan is for their lives. I pray for their vocations and that they will attract and seek Godly friends. I pray for their future spouses. Finally, I pray that their Faith will grow to include unfailing devotion to our Mother.
Mamabear, JD says
Auntie Leila,
I was reading the comments and excited by how many women, non-Catholics included, who were motivated by this post. It cheered me to think of so many starting the rosary with their little ones! You did a good thing here for Our Lady!! I love to tell my Protestant friends that we don't “own” the rosary!
Dad is often late and we have not included him in rosary time, but this week we are praying as a family with our parish's vocations program. You take home a chalice and each day pray as a family. Last night Dad was home to lead us and though he was reluctant, the kids loved it. Maybe after this week I will continue with the rosary. I think little ones, even toddlers, like having their own beads and mine will mimic others in the family, at least for a little while. We have some Lego rosaries from Etsy, but before we received those as gifts we used some plastic rosaries from the bookstore that were very inexpensive and not easily broken or ingested!
Mona says
What a humble, beautiful post! I was speaking with a deacon at our church this AM and he is 84 years old. His mother always prayed the rosary after dinner, ALWAYS, by herself. She didn't ask her husband or 8 boys to join her, but Deacon Sam always knew he was being prayed for at 6:00 PM wherever in the world he was. I think it would be lovely to pray the rosary as a family, but if we sometimes can't, we can still be a positive influence on our families just by our example. God bless you, Leila.
Chickensinmykitchen says
I love this. It brought tears to my eyes to imagine knowing that your mother was praying for you at a certain time everyday.
Erin L. says
This is a wonderful and encouraging article! I will certainly take your words and advice to heart. Thank you!!
Whitney says
I'm a newlywed with my immigrant (British) husband. We're both Anglicans — I'm of the “anglo-catholic” variety and Anthony's of the “high church” variety. We pray together, but that's relatively new. I'd love to pray the rosary together, but it freaks him out and makes him all uncomfortable. Part of his discomfort is the actual words “hail mary” and the other part, I think, is the concept of saying a prayer together as a group — he, being very protestant, thinks it should be individual. Is there a way to encourage him to at least try? Or, considering he's just gotten over culture shock from moving to America, should I just leave him alone? 🙂
Auntie Leila, my family has not taught me anything about keeping a home, cooking, raising kids — I was raised on PBS and TV Dinners (I don't think anyone taught my mom these things). When you write, even the simplest things, I am learning so much. You are an inspiration and a help. <3
_Leila says
Just a couple of thoughts spurred by the comments:
1. We can pray anywhere and everywhere! We should be in a conversation with the good God at all times! I would love to encourage everyone to try to say the Rosary as a family, with the father leading if possible, at least once a week if his schedule would allow it. In my humble, non-magisterial opinion, it's better to say one decade of the Rosary as a family than for the mother to be off saying it by herself IF that means she's not being the catalyst for her family to pray together. Do you see what I mean? I'm not saying you shouldn't say the Rosary by yourself! I'm just saying that we have a special role in helping our family pray AS A FAMILY. The Liturgy of the Hours and the Rosary are best suited to the prayer of the Domestic Church, it seems to me.
2. I truly believe that God wants both our prayers and our happy marriage. He would never oppose the two, no matter how it looks like an “either/or” to the parties involved. Our Lady doesn't want to be a source of contention between husband and wife. There isn't a formula for success — it's all about love! Ask her intercession for your unity and then be peaceful doing the family things your husband (or wife) is good with. Be patient!
danardoyle says
Such great advice! You have convinced me to give this a try again! Christmas is a great time to do so! Thanks!