… metaphorically speaking 🙂
After reading and mightily enjoying all the comments — every single one! — on the birthday post of last week, I wanted to clear up some little matters, sort of the way I walk through a room and scoop misplaced items as I go.
Under my photo on the sidebar (taken by Deirdre, who says people should have pictures of themselves doing what they love to do, so naturally I'm there cooking) is the pronunciation key for my name. You might understandably have missed that. Heck, I knew it was there and I had to search for it. “Isn't there anything here that tells about me?” I wondered. Who put that thing together, anyway.
As I mentioned in response to a comment, everyone who isn't an Arab calls me LI-La. Everyone who is calls me LAY-la. I grew up having my father and mother say my name differently!
That's sort of emblematic of the two worlds I grew up in. One was my life with my American (Irish, Welsh, German, you know…) single mom. The other was my life in a community of Arabs who had come here to live prosperously as professionals. I had one world in which everyone spoke to me in Arabic and the other, English.
{I never really spoke back in Arabic because it's a language in which it's very easy to make some grownup think you are being disrespectful (much more so than a language most Americans might be familiar with, such as French), and there not being any other children around in the family, it just didn't happen. But I understood everything. Now I'm all out of practice.}
My one little twinge about this blog is that, on account of its girly origins, the title is so female-centric, although I love it, even so. It really made me glow all over when Rosie chose that name.
Our family blog (which was started by Deirdre, actually!) is called Happy Despite Them, and sometimes I think I'd have put what I seem to be doing now under that moniker, just so that men, especially my sons, wouldn't feel that I was excluding them from the project, which I certainly don't mean to do. I love men and I love my man and I love my boys and I love my new sons (in-law/to-be-in-law). And my grandson…
That other blog is fairly defunct now. But maybe you would like to know that the name came about in this wise.
When the older kids were little and we had time for such excursions, renting a house in the city and not having weekend chores to speak of, Phil and I went to the Scottish games that are held in Virginia in July, which, when you think about it, makes no sense — wait until it's good and hot and humid, dress everyone in wool and specifically men in kilts, and set them to running about heaving heavy objects — which is what Scottish games are: They don't run races, they don't jump hurdles, they don't swim; they throw stone-like things, sheep-like things, and pole-like things.
Phil fell desperately in love with caber-tossing and became somewhat obsessed with it actually (not that he does anything about it, he just marvels at it)– a sport in which the men are so large of upper-body that, as in one instance, the not-insignificant name MCGILLICUDDY could be emblazoned across the back of the shirt with room to spare. Imagine our delight when Rosie roomed with a McGillicuddy (the lovely MaryBeth) in college!
We found the whole thing endlessly amusing and thrilling, from the massing of the pipes to the dog trials. We didn't even know about the fiddling then! As we left, we passed the rows of tents under which the clans sold their paraphernalia and displayed their individual tartans and, importantly for our imaginations, their family mottoes. We're not Scottish at all, or if at all, distantly. I would love to be able to claim a tartan.
But a motto! As we walked by, somewhat needing to hurry to get babies out of the hot sun after a long day, we delighted in our quick readings: “Blow Hunter Blow the Horn.” “More Smooth From an Obstacle.” “Fortune is Allied to Bravery.” “Beware! I am Present.” “Grip Fast.”
Some imply an approach to life that is not without a certain characteristically Celtic point of view, and that we could relate to —Â sort of in defiant victim mode: “With God's Help, I Shall Conquer Envy.” “Learn to Suffer.” “Keep Silence.” “Deservedly.” “Late But in Earnest.” “I Hope for Better Things.” “Increasing Both in Sunshine and in Shade.”
But there was one that struck us particularly as almost the right mix of hope and bitterness — “Despite Them.” I kept laughing about it, and marveling over the naive bravado and unconquerable determination against enemies unspecified (to us untutored passers-by, at least). Who are the “them” that we carry on in despite? And, hilariously, is that how you would define yourself, once and for all?
In the car, as the children dozed, we talked about the reality for us of this motto. We felt that we also were two warriors on the scrabbled, inhospitable hills. We felt the rocks beneath the lovely heather all too keenly, and that is just the romantic way we would put it. We were maybe fatally willing to define ourselves, once and for all, by what we were up against. Might as well know who you are! The “despite them” defined us oh! so well. We were well aware that we were exactly those people, the “us” against the “them” — who don't make things easy for others.
We agreed that we needed a motto for our very own little family. We might not belong to a clan, but we had the sense we were founding one — we hoped we were!
Our enemies weren't visible armies arrayed against us, but rather anything that took away from our joy in what we knew was right, good, and true. We wanted to be happy about our cause, not bitter. Our better selves didn't want to be against things, but for things, and we knew that our battle was — and is — with the negative, the not-good.
Since we are both just as bitter by nature as any Scot plotting by the damp fire on the highlands, or at as least prone to seeing the dark side of things, we agreed that we had better temper things for our own sake, and that our very own family motto should be, “Happy Despite Them.” .
The “happy,” which in any other family would be unpardonable sweetness, was thus a necessity for us. To be honest, we would certainly judge that “happy” in there as saccharine, touchy-feely, and hopelessly jejune, were the tables turned.
But we knew we needed that “happy.”
We have kept to it all these years, even when we have lost sight, for a while, as everyone must, of what we were really after with it. Sometimes in the midst of a bad, sad argument, when we knew that we were succumbing to the “them” of the motto — the dark forces that want us simply to be unhappy — we would whisper to each other, “Happy Despite Them.”
Later, as our family grew, to raise morale we also instituted a Battle Cry — “Take No Prisoners!” which just means don't compromise your principles. (Did you know that “slogan” is from the Gaelic meaning “battle cry”?)
And then, when one of the kids, I forget which, was apprehensively approaching exam time, Phil recalled the boot-camp routine (no, he never was in boot camp any more than he tramped on the heathery hills!) where the sergeant asks, “What's the spirit of the bayonet?” and the recruits all yell, “Kill!”, to which he responds, “I can't hear you!” — repeated until all the recruits are in a frenzy of aggression. Which, he argued, was the right approach to a math test.
So was born the Spirit of the Test.
What's the spirit of the test? “Kill!”
Gosh, what kind of people are we.
But it really rallies flagging students! I swear! Although Sukie found a certain irony in exhorting Will, as he headed off to take the Emergency Medical Technician exam — you know, the one where you show that you can rescue victims with CPR and other life-saving techniques — to “Kill!”
It was more like, “Kill?”
So far, we do not seem to have a war dance.
One more naming issue: I keep on wanting to tell you how it is that I can dare to call myself “Auntie Leila” — although you are all so sweet and you play along. See, it's like this. I don't know if this is regional, but hereabouts children call their elders Mrs. Smith and Mr. Smith — which in general, I agree with.
But in Arabic culture, the families who are closest to you just don't want that kind of formality. They call their parents' friends “Tante” and “Amo” and there is a very warm, family feeling to the community. It feels very strange to have the children of my very good friends call me Mrs., although I realize that it makes them feel just as odd to call me Auntie.
When we came here, I told my closest friends that their children should call me Auntie Leila, and mine would call them Auntie Sue and Auntie Carol. Being Not-Arabs, and in fact Irish and Polish and generally way more uptight about stuff like that, they were a little awkward about it, but me being me, I made them. I still get a kick out of hearing their now-grown children calling me Auntie.
One time in the BB (Before the Blog) era, Auntie Sue and I were discussing someone random who was making a bad choice in her life. Sue, who occasionally listens to talk radio, told me I should have a program called “Ask Auntie Leila”, and this woman should call with her issue, and I should tell her, “Auntie Leila says NO!”
On the grounds that I am the only one not so nice that I wouldn't do it. Just like those Arab Aunties, who won't hesitate to ask you who told you to put on makeup like that, or where you planned to go in that skirt.
We had a good laugh about it, but later, when the first person emailed me with a question, I realized that this is who I needed to be and actually am — not your aunt, but your friend, whom your kids call Auntie Leila, who will tell you not to do stuff like stay up late to clean or let your kids act naughty.
I know that at least some readers think of me as their Auntie Leila, but I just wanted you to know how I think of myself, so that you won't think I'm all that bossy after all.
Okay, so — want to choose a motto for your family?
You don't have to.
But if you want to and need some inspiration, this site is where I looked up the mottoes for the clans, as it was all so long ago I couldn't remember them! What would you choose or make up for yourselves?
Deb W. says
I love that you ARE Auntie Leila!
Lisa G. says
You “hope you were founding a clan” – Leila, don't you realize that we are also part of that clan? Well, not of yours and your husband's family clan, but your half – Leila's clan. I'm saying it badly, but you are the godmother of this blog's clan. The “maintain the collective memory” clan, maybe? – I don't know. I rather like the Happy Despite Them; it's important to always keep that attitude in one's mind.
Woman, your family is bigger. than. you. think. 🙂
Mamabear, JD says
I like “Stand Your Ground,” though “Beware! I Am Present” might be more appropriate for my boys, husband included.
Emily says
“Beware! I Am Present” is so appropriate for boys! (I have three of them, plus a husband.) 😉
Elizabeth says
I love this! Of course I think your motto is the best right now and want it for my own, but it's something that must be unique to the family. I will have to start thinking and keeping my eyes open for any potential mottos!
Breanna says
George MacDonald made me love Scotland, though I can claim but a wee thimbleful of Scotch blood.
THANKS for settling your name's pronunciation. 🙂 I had a Tante I wasn't related to at all, but she was Austrian. My Malay friend tells me that it's only good manners to call people a generation or so older than you “uncle” and “auntie”. In Montana, where I'm from, adults are uncomfortable with honorifics and keep asking you to call them by their first names. In Texas, where I just moved to, adults refer to themselves as “Miss Firstname” or “Mr. Firstname” when talking to kids. It's…different. But my kids, thankfully, are little and adaptable.
Mamabear, JD says
I love hearing “adapting to Texas” stories! It's true, we even have the kids call their Godfather “Mr. Vincent.”
Betsy M says
I will never forget when my three year old nephew from TX kept calling my Dad, Mr. Grandpa Sir. He was trying to use his best manners. 🙂
Anitra says
Funny, I've spent my whole life in the Northeast. When I was a child, everyone was Mr or Mrs or Miss Lastname (as long as they were “adults” ie. out of highschool/college). Nowadays, we find that's too formal for some of our friends. We tried the “uncle” and “aunt” route, but found it too confusing. So, for our children, every adult is a “Mr.” or a “Mrs./Miss”, and we try to guess preference on whether to use first name or last name.
In general, I've found that adults who aren't used to being authority figures (ie. young-ish and not parents or teachers) are very uncomfortable with a child using their last name. Some are also uncomfortable with honorifics, but that's where we draw the line – our children need to respect their elders.
Juliana B says
My personal favorite clan motto is that of clan Fraser (of the excellent Outlander book series fame): Je suis prest. (I am ready). Love your motto and slogan, however. Those are the kinds of “big family” things that I hope our (growing) family will cultivate over the years.
Oh, and congrats on the blogoversary–I didn't get a chance to comment on the original post.
Christina says
To be honest, I like and need you to be bossy. It's so helpful. : ) Or, to speak without hesitation and with great conviction, at the very least. But bossy has more sass, which I tend to like better.
Maria says
Hi Aunt Leila! I feel like I know so much about your family after following your blog for the past few months, so imagine my surprise when I realized that the young lady two tables away at a recent party was your daughter Deirdre! As it turns out, her fiance works with my husband. I hope she didn't find it too odd when I introduced myself and told her how much I enjoy the blog. It's such a small world!
_Leila says
Maria, I'm sure Deirdre was delighted to meet you!
Deirdre says
I was delighted to meet you! And so was my fiance! 🙂
paula says
My mother's clan mottoe is Se Pui Non, which means, “If I can”. Sounds like a defeated clan . . . . I can hear William Wallace now, “Clan Colquoun, will you rise up and fight the English with me? Will you give your all . . . ” and our head clansmen replies, “if I can.” What kind of motto is that?!
RubberChickenGirl says
HA! It could mean “If I can, anyone can” sort of Auntie Leila's approach!
RCG
Beckie says
I would have to say our motto is “Love and Respect”. Lest you think that too much sweetness and light, I must say that it has come about with a ? and ! attached from the mommy rhetorically questioning the intentions of the speaker in the other room.
As for a battle cry…we just go with a simple AAARRRRGGGHHHHH!!!! and then we storm whatever battlements need storming.
I have said it before and I will say it again…Auntie Leila is fast becoming one of my favorite personalities. If a blog could be dog-eared….:-)
Woman of the House says
In the past couple years our family motto has emerged as “Keep Calm and Carry On.” We didn't really choose it~it chose us~but it fits so well. We have a good dose of British blood coursing through our veins and our outlook is certainly British, so it suits us. I love “Happy Despite Them”! I can very much relate to what you said about it.
Milehimama says
My husband is McMillan clan- “I learned to succor the distressed”. My clan is Forbes, is “Grace my guide”.
Here in the South, we don't have “aunties” we have “Miss”. Children call familiar, unrelated adults Miss FirstName- i.e., Miss Hettie, Miss Jane, etc. A nice mix of familiarity and respect for adults, I think.
I think my personal motto right now is “Hold the line”. Because so often it seems like that's all I do- hold the line against chaors, the messes, broken toys, etc.
Emily says
Oh, I like your motto! And I don't live in the South (well, Southern CA, but I don't think that counts!) but we do “Miss First Name” here too, mostly with people at church whom our children know well.
CarlynB says
My father's family clan motto is “By Strength and Courage.” My maiden name means, literally, “Son of the Boar” so I guess our battle cry should be something like “SOOOOIIIIEEE!”
For my own little family, we have always said “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” as our own motto. We do need a battle cry, though….
priest's wife says
We have Nigerians friends who call me Auntie- I like that it is an easy way to be polite to an adult- it's hard, many people hate being called by last names nowadays, so my kids call lots of people Mr. Mike, Miss Amy (most women are 'Miss'- a default from ballet)
priest's wife says
ooo- I like ” AVISE LA FIN”- remember the end- a different way of saying 'begin with the end in mind'- or Momento Mori- the Carthusian motto- and my husband and I met in a restored carthusian monastery
Karen says
My maiden name is Barr, of clan Cunningham, and I didn't know why I couldn't recall our motto. But I just read it is “Over Fork Over”. Very disappointing. Lol!
I recently found your blog and am very much enjoying it as a stay-at-home, Catholic mother of two boys, 3 & 1. I am working my way through your many series. Thank you for the wonderful blog!
Mary says
Our family motto is “Adoremus in unum. Adoremus in aeternum.” My husband had the first part engraved inside my engagement ring, and the second part is inside his wedding band.
Margo says
what a fun post!
I'm going to broach the motto topic with my husband.
I have South African relatives, and the children, even adult ones, refer to older familiar adults as Auntie and Uncle. It's a great solution. I do not like to hear my kids addressing adults familiarly by their first names, but the brothers and sisters at church object to the “formality” of Mr. and Mrs. oh dear.
In preschool, my daughter was told to call her teacher “Miss Nicole” instead of using the teacher's last name. What?! I did NOT like that.
KCAB says
Both my husband and I have Scottish heritage. Some of our clan mottos:
Stirling: GO FORWARD
Paterson:WE ALL STRIVE FOR THIS
Mac Lellan:THINK ON
Mac Lean:VIRTUE IS MY DISTINCTION
Robertson:GLORY IS THE REWARD OF VALOUR
The possibilities for these are fun. I laughed out loud picturing my children hovering over a math test at our kitchen table as we wail the war cry of “Think on!” Ha ha ha
_Leila says
KCAB — or would “Think on!” be the Spirit of the Test?? Don't be hasty in deciding! 🙂
KCAB says
ROFL – “What is the Spirit of the Test!!??” “Think On!!!”
My husband and I joke when we are underwhelmed by something “I shaved my legs for this?” (he had a family member that said that) We could change it to “We all strive for this?” ha ha Sarcastic and funny, but considering the joys and trials we have faced as converts, I'm thinking “Go Forward” might be a tad more positive and inspiring.
Bethanne says
Our clan motto is, “Nothing cleans like paint!” No, not really. We do have a mission statement–Growing daily in our friendship with God through a well-ordered life. This doesn't exactly trip off the tongue, though, and it certainly isn't a battle cry. My son made up “Fraternity for Eternity “when we first started homeschooling as the motto for our school, but I've sort of adopted it for the family. You could certainly pull your sword from its sheath and scream that before you go riding to your death.
Names are really important. I call you Mrs. Lawler, not because I feel uncomfortable with Auntie Leila or Leila, but because I really look up to you and respect you. I'm not straining my neck to do it and you won't fall off a pedestal, but I think you are a remarkable woman of faith who has the ability to communicate (sometimes very complex) truths in such a way that they can be heard and understood. This has never seemed bossy. Would you prefer not to be called Mrs. Lawler? I never thought about how you might take that–to me it expressed that although we're adults, we're not peers and you are my elder, not so much in age, but in experience. I am happy to have such a wise friend. But I will gladly call you Auntie Leila if that's your desire.
_Leila says
Oh, Bethanne, it's fine– whatever you are comfortable with (other than maybe LEE-EYE-LA!). Just explaining how I got to be Auntie Leila at all, here on the blog or in real life 🙂
Aimee says
I've enjoyed reading this post very much, especially since we are very Scottish (and I also need an Auntie Leila to tell me things from time to time!) We are Clan McKenzie, and we lucked out with a lovely dark blue and green tartan. Our clan motto is : “Luceo non Uro” which means “I shine but not burn” It has really grown on me over the years. 🙂
Aimee says
Oh, and our little family motto is “Go Big or Go Home!” We started out using it all in fun, but now we really love it. By using it, we mean do everything with your whole heart. Put yourself into your life, no matter how small the task, don't settle or shirk.
HollyElise says
In Hawaii, all women older than you are “Auntie” (and all men older than you are “Uncle”). I, at the lofty age of 23, get called “Auntie” by the children in my apartment building – and so thinking of Auntie Leila as “Auntie” was completely automatic 🙂
On the pronunciation thing – not to talk incessantly about Hawaii but I think it was my general 'read it as Hawaiian' mindset (which started after my husband laughed at my mainlander pronunciation of a Hawaiian word) that had me saying your name “Lay-la” in my head already!
I don't know what our family motto would be but I'm sure it'll be something interesting 😉
justamouse says
ALL of my girlfriend's children call me Aunt Briana. And all of my kids call them Aunt Jen, Aunt Kim, Aunt Wendy. I agree, it's a warm environment to grow up in. I can't say there was a cultural reason behind it, just that we were all close and Mrs. was not our style so it grew organically.
A motto, huh? I'll have to work on that.
Emily says
Auntie Leila, what a fun post! I've always mentally pronounced your name “Lay-la”, but I'm not arab at all, so apparently I just can't read the sidebar. 🙂 I like thinking of you as an aunt, and I think part of that is because your daughters are around my age. It seems natural to me to think of you as that kind-but-no-nonsense relative who certainly WOULD ask what you were doing in all that makeup!
Mrs. Pickles says
Thank you for the name clarification! I always thought in my head, Lay-la, because I'm a closet Star Wars geek (don't tell anyone!) and whenever I saw your name I thought of Princess Leia. 🙂 However, Li-la will be easy to remember also, because my favorite great aunt, who was also crafty and funny and delightful, was Aunt Lila!
When I was growing up we also called close family friends “aunt” and “uncle” — but I've had a hard time instituting that with my own kids. No one else I know here in No. VA seems to do that. Maybe I'll insist like you did and start a trend. 🙂
Kh. Patty says
Yay! I now feel justified in mentally pronouncing your name LAY-la. I just can't get the hang of LIE-la. While I'm not Arabic, our church's roots are and my Arabic friends with names like yours pronounce it LAY-la. 🙂
I love the way my Arabic friends insist to their children that I am Auntie Patty (well, now it would be Khouria, but nevermind). I REALLY wanted to do this with my kids and friends, but as it was not how I was raised, it always felt awkward. I have finally given in to the Mrs. and Mr. distinction, and reserved Aunt and Uncle for my siblings or close friends. That's how it was for me growing up. But I do love being called Auntie by those Arabic friends of mine. 🙂
Carol Kennedy says
We have not only been to the West Coast Veresion of that stifling hot Scottish games, but we have been to the REAL ones…in Scotland, in the rain. Our clan (Kennedy) motto is CONSIDER THE END….someone else mentioned it. My husband wore a kilt at our wedding and his cousin played bagpipes for the recessional….of course I am Italian/Irish, but mottos and tartans trump that most of the time.
We have a song, sung to Laurie Berkners We are The Dinosaurs:
We are the Kennedys marching, marching
We are the Kennedys, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT
And a battle cry (?) WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH….THE TOUGH GET GOING!!
Love the post, love the blog, wish you were my neighbor. 🙂
Happy Blogiversary
Rachael says
I lived in China for a while, and the Chinese do the same… address close family friends as “Aunt” and “Uncle” (A-yi and Shu-shu). With fellow foreigners (American, European, etc), save adults were “Auntie” and “Uncle”. Even now, I wish that folks here would do the same. That way, the kids know quickly who is “save” and who isn't.
All my Aunts are long ways away and none am I very close to. Nor do they write long blogs on the things I'm dealing with right now. You do. Thank you!
RubberChickenGirl says
My people….I am a Scot. Related to Robert the Bruce even. McKaig and Locke in my family tree and who knows who else. You made me cry because of the Scottishness and because your life has been ours and for now I'll just adopt your motto. I need to look at the link. Does each clan have a tartan and a motto or does each family have a distinct motto separate from the tartan? Learn something new everyday.
You are my Auntie Leila (but I assume being eastern you say Ahnt-ee not Ant-ee like us west coasters??
You made me cry. In a good way. In a “she understands our lives” sort of way.
RCG
_Leila says
RubberCG– ha! I didn't even think of the Ahntee/Antee distinction! Oh no! I feel another blog post coming on!! 🙂
JK. But yes, here in New England we say the former!
MaryBeth says
It was very hard for me to part with McGillicuddy (clan motto: Hearts upwards) although I love my husband and thus taking his name Mahoney! Conveniently, I didn't need to part with monogrammed apparel and could, as my dad put it, keep my almost 100% Irish blood pure 😉
Great idea for a family motto. Might have to steal from my maiden name since my husband's clan motto, and we've found two? is “Thus we guard our sacred rights” (a little heavy?) or “It Blazes before us to victory” (a little long?)
And Auntie Leila, I do consider you an auntie and love that you will always give your heartfelt advice in a loving way that will just make sense! =) And we have adopted the practice of having our children call our good friends Auntie, like “Auntie Rosie” 😉
_Leila says
MaryBeth, I love all the mottoes that have been mentioned and I love “Hearts upwards”!! You can't go wrong I think!
Magda says
Dear Auntie Leila, I'm glad I don't have to pick a favorite post. The family motto for my maiden name (which I discovered after reading your article) is: Ut prosim (that I may be of use / that I may serve).
Of course, after some hecticness last summer, my husband and I had decided on a family motto of “It seemed like a good idea at the time.” This allows me to concentrate on doing good and not thinking about how much work it will be until I'm already committed. (Occasionally, this turns out to be a good idea.)
Now I'm going to have to practice in my head: Li-la, Li-la, Li-la. (We do have a good representation of Arabs in our parish, though, and I'm learning some of the hymns in Arabic … very slowly.) And I vote for the” Ahntee” pronunciation. None of my aunts want to be called “Aunt,” and I'm sad that my niece and nephew have mostly stopped my “Auntie” title. (I'm reinforcing it whenever I can, in them and when I talk to my children about my sisters.) I would get in trouble when I was little if I called a much-older cousin “Aunt”: “She's not your aunt, she's your cousin.” (Yes, but her children are two years younger than I am…)
Monica says
– We've had a song since my first born was barely a month old….. but a motto? I like this idea very much and will check out the site you mentioned.
– Growing up in IL and FL, we (and every other child we knew) called every adult either Mr, Mrs, or Miss. That is until a most interesting, crazy, fun, colorful family moved in just two doors away from us in FL – all the way from exotic California! The mom insisted that we children call her by her first name. OM Goodness! This was completely unacceptable to our mother. After a few week's tug of war between our mom and this new, modern, unconventional, mom an agreement was reached. We were finally allowed to call her Mrs. Molly. It only occurs to me now that even though these two different women soon became each other's “BFF” as I recall, only Mrs. Molly's adult children called our mom by her first name. Mrs. Molly's younger kids, our peers, called our mom Mrs. D. The D being the initial of our surname, not the initial of her first name. I guess she could only bend so far. The years we shared with the Harris family were the best of times.
Dyan says
Great informative post! I'm not sure if it counts as a motto, but we bought one of those stickers that decorates a wall and it says: “We may not have it all together, but together we have it all!” And yes, it's stuck on the wall for every visitor to see.
Charming's Mama says
And just to add a new wrinkle to the whole name pronunciation thing my sister-in-law shares your name and hers is pronounced “Lee-eye-lah”.
Catherine says
Dear Auntie Leila,
My mom was less than ideal (to put it nicely), so I really see you as the mom I never had. I have never read anything of yours that I didn't agree with, and your advice is so REAL and PRACTICAL and just common sense (or what used to be common). I was never taught how to cook, clean, do laundry, care for myself regularly, how to respect children, etc. so motherhood has been hard for me. Your posts on all of the above have been SOOOO helpful. I have learned so much. I have been following your blog now for almost a year and I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it! Thank you for sharing the “collective memory” with us, for I especially have needed it. I think your daughters are so blessed to have had a REAL mom and I am striving to become better so my daughter will be able to say the same thing when she is grown. I hope you never stop being our “Auntie”.
With love and heartfelt gratitude, Catherine
ann turner says
Can you please tell me not to stay up late reading your blog? I really must plant zinnias next year; they are sooo pretty!
Elaine says
Am enjoying these comments; thank you everyone. My husband told the children a few years ago that our family's motto should be, 'If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy'. This entertained them hugely because of the screaming double negative!
I know this phrase can have negative connotations – my family is REALLY not all about MY needs, believe me! He meant it in the sense that he loved and appreciated me and wanted the children to do the same. A fact which I have to cling onto with my fingernails on some days….
Pippajo says
Oh, this is fun! I am Scottish, of the Sinclair clan, directly descended from David I, Malcolm III and Malcolm IV (for what it's worth, which is nothing at all)! Our motto is a great one: “Commit Thy Work To God”. As far as battle cries go, The Viking always sends the kids off into the fray with a, “Remember who you are,” and often we simply yell, “FOR NARNIA!” On a lighter note I have kind of adopted the personal motto, “I solemnly swear I am up to no good,” and use, “Mischief Managed,” as the signature on all my blog posts and text messages, both of which are from Harry Potter's Marauders' Map.
Now, as far as the “Auntie” thing: in my family we were always instructed to call adults, “Mr.”, “Mrs.”, or the dreaded, “Miss”, according to their gender and marital status. We NEVER were allowed to call adults by their first names and I hate it when children (even teens) do that to me. I always correct them and insist they call me, “Mrs. So-and-so.” They think I'm weird but as long as they acquiesce it's all cool. I also hate being called, “Miss {Pippa},” which, for some reason is very popular around here. I am very happy and proud to be a Missus so call me, “Mrs”! The title of Aunt (pronounced, “Ant”) is reserved for adults who are too close to us and the children for the formal, “Mr. And Mrs.” Our best friends who have known the children all their lives are known as, “Aunt and Uncle”. So when I talk about you to my kids (as a good stalker does), you are Mrs. Lawler but when I'm talking to everyone else I know, you are Leila.
I'm SO glad we got this all hammered out. I'm sure you are, too.
Rachael says
Hello again!
I had two “Aunties” here in sunny but soggy Wales when I was growing up, both best friends of my Mum, so that all makes perfect sense to me!, They were good women of faith whom I loved very much and I love that you have joined their ranks in my life, though we only meet through electronic gizmos. (And you were so close during your Ireland trip; I do wish we could have met in “real life!”)
You are, indeed, a kind but straight from the hip kind of gal and I admire that straight forward honesty in a friend. It is all too rare.
God bless!
Joy says
You made me curious so I plugged my great-grandmother's name into a clan generator and discovered there are two possible clans. Then I looked up their mottos.
E LABORE DULCEDO – PLEASURE ARISES OUT OF LABOUR
CLARIOR HINC HONOS – BRIGHTER HENCE THE HONOUR
Although the second one sounds nicer in a way, the first one is more inspiring. Also, I like the MacInnes tartan better. 🙂
Elizabeth says
Interesting. In Dutch Leila is also pronounced LAYLA and tante means aunt as well. Still it's a germanic language. People from former Dutch colonies (Indonesia, Dutch Antilles, Suriname) who now live in Holland, call older ladies 'tante' as well.
Pippajo says
That is brilliant! I love it!
Deirdre says
AH! I love it! I love conjuring the image of the two oldies in the movie!
Breanna says
I like “We'll never survive!” “Nonsense. You only say that because no one ever has.” 😉
_Leila says
“If you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything!”
“Mawwage. Mawwage is what bwings us to-gevver to-day.”
ArdenLynn says
Not bossy. Your gentle suggestion to buy a bathrobe has saved my sanity in the form of no more skipped showers. Such a simple thing but modesty was preventing me from my daily, sanity saving shower. Oh and I am a mom to 8 but my little one is still a toddler so I am really in the thick of things with all kids still home.
Our family motto is “Don't prove them right.” Started when we got a lukewarm reception to our engagement. Most said I should pursue a career and dh should concentrate on his. Plus, it was the middle of a recession (1990) and we should wait for the ecomony to improve. We just wanted to get married! I am so glad that we didn't prove those negative people right.
Generic mom says
How fun Leila, Clan Grant & descendants of William Wallace here! – stand firm- how appropriate!
Rachel says
“Right foot. Left foot.”
This has actually been a family motto of my parents for as long as I can remember and has continued to be one for my husband and myself. Dare I suggest that makes it a clan motto? I think most would understand the context, but just in case I'll explain. The motto suggests that sometimes you must simply put your right foot in front of your left foot. Sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's nearly impossible.
I actually was raised in a community that was very much like yours, Auntie Leila (in my thoughts, pronounced Lay-la thanks to Eric Clapton). We called those who were acquaintances Mr. or Mrs. and those who were considered close family friends Aunt or Uncle. I grew up away from my extended family, so those Aunts and Uncles are as dear to me as blood relatives.
It's nice to hear from you more personal details.
RubberChickenGirl says
I was thinking the Eric Clapton fans would naturally lean toward Layla….
I like Right Foot. Left Foot. I often say “One foot in front of the other” as a guy told me in New Zealand on a tramp (hike) with a bunch of farm kids at the point when my knees felt like jello and I could barely keep going. I thought I was fit! I guess it's my motto. I'll have to tell the fam, although the motto that is derived from lines from Princess Bride are fitting, too. We used Storybook Love from the soundtrack in our wedding in 1989….
Good stuff.
RCG
Pippi says
I remember talking with some French pilgrims when my mom and I were walking through the Pyrenees on the Camino Santiago. I was pregnant and my mother has never walked though mountains. These people were lovely and kept encouraging us to take “les petits pas” — little steps. That would make for a good motto, too 🙂
_Leila says
Love love The Princess Bride! We quote from that movie all the time. “I do not think that word means what you think it means…”
“You kill my father! Prepare to die!”
I love that you say “It will take a miracle…” Because it will!
Donna L. says
We love Princess Bride, also! “As you wish…” we sometimes will say
My husband was rallying our homeschooling troops one day, and after hearing all of the complaints/sighs/reasons why things are hard and didn't get finished, he said simply:
“Never give up, never surrender!”
{Yes, totally stolen from “Galaxy Quest”….a movie that literally saved our lives and marriage! (long story)}
EllaJac says
I am a fairly new reader here…
And I'm not Arab, but I was pronouncing your name (in my head) as Lay-la. Hmm..
In fact, I”m scottish to a point (great grandma immigrated in 1903) and among my forebears are a good chunk of McMillans (I learn to succor the distressed!), Mc Fadden (McFadzen, really – “the strong hand uppermost”), stuart (noble is the wrath of the lion), Kennedy (consider the end), Douglas (Forward, or Never Behind)… I like some of those mottoes. 🙂
Meg says
On the topic of the correct pronunciation of your name…
When Phil Lawler walked into the story, you knew it just had to be, right? Who could turn down being LI-la Lawler? So cool!!
Dawn says
Hmmm, as a born and bred southern girl, I always read your name as Lee-la. And now I am not sure I can say it any other way!!
Amanda says
My family is definitely not Arab but we had an “Auntie Sue” In fact we all still call her that 🙂 Actually, my friends call her that too because I always introduced her that way, lol!
We're a “Miss Ashley” or “Mister Joe” sort of family here for our kids, it's the one thing I actually enjoyed about our 12 year stint in Georgia, such a sweet, respectful balance between the Mrs. Smith and the “just call me Nicole” said from an adult to a 5 year old.
Ann Marie says
“I'm not a vench, I'm your vife!” (sorry, couldn't resist)
Maria says
I noticed the Market Basket label in one of your photos, so I suspect we do not live so far apart, and I had a little chuckle about the Irish and Polish friends who are a little more uptight about the Auntie thing. I always called everyone Mrs and Mr growing up, and I still can't bring myself to call my old neighbor ladies by their first names. I married a man from Russia, and they do the same as the Arabs, calling everyone “aunt” and “uncle.” We've tried to spread this around, too, but it only works for our children, not our friends' children. Maybe I should be more firm about this, because I think kids need some kind of boundaryto remind them that adults are not just pals or equals.
santie says
I had a quiet chuckle when I read this post. (Yes, I just found you, and I am binge reading.)
I live in South Africa and we grew up using Aunty and Uncle, in Afrikaans Tannie (the less severe form of Tante) and Oom. What made me smile is an indignation amongst some who don’t like being called that. They find it old fashioned and way too familiar, and others, on the other hand, who insist on being called that, and regard it as a sign of respect.
Afrikaans kids raised in farming communities and conservative households often start out using the more formal form Meneer and Mevrou, but when they let their guard down, they go back to Tannie and Oom. As for myself, I don’t mind what I am being called. I am old enough to be a ‘tannie’ and hopefully dignified enough to be a ‘mevrou’ 🙂