It's pretty hard to know how to live the year with the liturgical calendar (which just means following the Church seasons) if you are somehow cut off from the collective memory.
Sometimes when I'm reading blogs or listening to young moms I'm wondering if, in their zeal to pass on our precious faith, they are making things too difficult.
And then there are those (and I think I'm more like this) who, when faced with crafts, activities, special feast-day foods, and intensive projects, merely fold.
We end up doing nothing. The whole thing just makes us anxious.
Reading books sometimes helps, but can give you a skewed idea, because you are getting the author's ideal version of what to do.
For instance, I do love this book — The Story of the Trapp Family Singers — and I recommend it highly.
But let's remember that the young Maria stepped into a household with older children, money, a Catholic culture all around her, and servants. She wasn't cut off, not the way we are!
Even with all her new-found riches, she does a wonderful job of giving a good look at how to use natural materials to celebrate, but for those of us with an over-active conscience about these things, I want to say that it's a little harder when you are making things up from scratch in an environment that celebrates the sports seasons but maybe not the liturgical ones. With little babies. And, not to whine, but doing all your own laundry and cooking.
But over the years I've realized that the simple way is the best way. This is the way of “following the old paths” — making small, almost unseen gestures and above all, telling the story of faith in a natural way. Just the way you tell a story that shows the essential character of a beloved grandparent who passed away, try to keep alive the stories of the saints — our beloved brothers and sisters in faith.
May is the perfect time to learn this natural supernatural way of life.
Why? Because May is the month of Our Lady, the Mother of God. All around us are signs of a great desire to honor mothers, which is normal and beautiful. What could be more normal and beautiful than to remember the mother of the Savior? A whole lifetime, let alone a month, is hardly enough time to contemplate her love, care, and devotion to her Son.
That He came to devote himself to us — unto death — is as near to her heart as it can be, and He entrusted us to her in the most personal way — “Woman, behold your son!” and then to John (to us), “Behold your mother!”
It's also the perfect time because our little ones start coming in with a fistful of dandelions and a loving smile — “Look what I brought you!”
{This is a little aside to the discussion — continuing — about what it means to be a woman: to be the person who receives love in order to give it in return! Oh my, this receiving is quite a test! Can you love the dirt that's given as a gift? Can you receive the two flowers that have finally managed to grow in the yard, cut off in their prime by your little gift-giver?}
May is when you start the process of simplifying your understanding of how this all works. Put those first blooms of spring (at least they are the first around these parts!) in a little vase, jar, or glass and offer them to her.
{I'm not going to tie it up in a neat package for you — you get it, right? That our deeds are like this in God's eyes? Complete with muddy sneakers, plants yanked up by the roots, crushed petals?}
See that a child doesn't need a boughten curriculum to learn piety and religion! Oh, they need a catechism, all right. If you have this one, The Baltimore Catechism —
— and your Bible, you'll have all you need along with these simple acts of love — the little bouquet placed by the statue in May, along with all the other timeless traditions that come with living the year with our Lord.
Now, let's not hear about how you don't have a statue. Did you get any Christmas cards this year? I bet you have a picture of the Virgin and Child that you could pop into a frame…or even just cut out and scotch-tape to the cabinet.
Start with what you have.
As you and the children make these little offerings, gently instruct them on how to take care of them. When they show signs of wilting (the flowers, not the children), they go in the compost, the container gets a rinse, and another flower is picked to replace the spent one. You can go out together to find anything pretty and hopefully get used to the idea of checking with Mama before picking. Our Lady will smile on a sprig of mint, an azalea blossom, some blades of grass…even a pretty rock or two.
It's a good time to teach a young one how to strip the lower part of the stem from any stray leaves that would make the water spoiled. Let them arrange the flowers as they see fit. Even a two-year-old can do this. If water spills, show them how to get a rag from the cupboard to wipe it up, and then how to hang the rag on the rack in the laundry room to dry.
Why, this activity, simple as it is, could get you through a whole afternoon with those energetic toddlers! Take your time, Mom. Breathe. Know that you can clean up any messes that happen, and that they would happen whether you offer the flowers to the Blessed Virgin or not. So you might as well just…enjoy!
Think about how happy your children will be when you allow them to have a little offering on their own dresser, since they are so good about cleaning up the spent flowers. Teach them to say a little prayer of love to her, the sweet mother who said Yes with so much faith. Teach yourself to do the same. A prayer for each flower…
Anonymous says
Thanks L,I really needed this post and recall simplicity. Even among us Christians there is pervasive consumerism that makes you think you need the latest (expensive) thing to pass on the faith -when all you really need is a pretty juice glass and some violets!
Breanna says
Oh thank you so much.As I think you might know about me I'm Protestant, and I can't go all the way (yet) on some of the Catholic doctrines of Mary, but I've been researching her lately and I think the Lord has been nudging me, because the cooincidences are really sort of…strong.For instance–I was born in May. My favorite color has always been blue. My middle name is Rose. And I looked up who my patron saint would be, and it's St. Anne, Mary's mother. And I've been stumbling around with learning the Ave lately, and it's been so sweet and so helpful.This May I've determined to study the issue completely out. I still don't know how far I'll be able to go, but this is just one more indication to me that I'm supposed to study this stuff out.Thanks again (and thanks for the Christmas card suggestion! I've been musing on ways to obtain a picture),Breanna
alanna rose says
Thank you for the reminder!We'll be at a May Crowning tomorrow morning, but I've completely forgotten that we can offer flowers at any time. Isn't that terrible!
Mat. Emily says
Thank you for the reminder, Auntie Leila! We moved to our current house in September, and I meant to remember that we had child height icon corners in our old home so that I could do it here… Anyway, I forgot until today, so that is on the To Do List for this week:) Thank you!
Elena says
There is a lot of truth to what you say.When I re-verted back to my Catholic Faith and started re-learning all about Catholic culture I tried to do EVERYTHING and I quickly burned out. I think simple is best, and keeping a few very meaningful family traditions associated with the liturgical year will be remembered the most.
Barb says
Thank you for the reminder! And I got several fistfuls of buttercups this morning which reminded me of an A.A. Milne poem this morning. The oldest giver of the buttercups insisted on putting them in a vase for me and putting it right in front of my keyboard so I would always see them. We also brought some to Mary since our church, Notre Dame de Lourdes, is blessed to have a grotto. A few were scattered in the puddles along the way.
Anne R Triolo says
haha, I was thinking just this morning "now what is it we should do this month, as a family, to commemorate Mary?" Thanks, Leila!
Emily (Laundry and L says
I read this post and then promptly went outside to cut flowers. It was a good reminder to pray. Thank you!
Margo says
What a beautiful, inspiring post. Thank you. My daughter has been bringing me flowers constantly. I have put them in vases, but I'm afraid I haven't been moved and grateful like I want to be.
Katherine says
In Maria Von Trapps' book you'll notice that the family celebrated Catholicism in the context of their Austrian heritage. They didn't do every Catholic custom out there, just the ones that were part of their tradition, adapted to their family circumstances. I think that's what Maria wanted us to get from her book.
Leila says
Katherine, exactly. And when you re-read it and think about what a slacker you are (or maybe it's just me), it's good to recall that it's the celebration that counts, not the perfection.Breanna — yes, I do think someone is trying to tell you something! ;)The very best you can do is read what the Church herself teaches about Mary. Scroll down to see the links to the documents: <a href="http://www.catholic-pages.com/dir/bvm.asphttp://www.catholic-pages.com/dir/bvm.asp<br />There is a wealth of reading there!God bless!
Anne says
Thank you! Off to pick some flowers with my dear ones.
Katherine says
Leila, actually I don't think I'm a slacker (nor you), although there's always room for improvement! I do what I've always done, what was passed on to me. For instance during advent, we do an advent wreath and the Jesse Tree (customs I grew up with). When kids arrived we added special St. Nicholas customs (from my husband's heritage). We don't celebrate St. Lucy's day with the buns and lighted headgear because we're not Swedish Catholics. We do whoop it up on Our Lady of Guadalupe because it's my daughter's birthday and we live admist the Mexican traditions of California and the missions. There was a time when I thought I should do more, but I could see things getting kind of ridiculous. You start asking yourself questions like, "Is it better to wear a scapular or a crucifix? What about a St. Benedict's medal? Oh,no! How about the Miraculous medal!" (I knew a girl in college who wore so many religious item around her neck that we knew she was coming from the clinking, jingling sounds) I guess my point is, that I don't think we should slavishly imitate the customs found in books or blogs or whatever just because they are attractive and beneficial or even fun. As you said, I think we often make passing on the Catholic culture and celebrating the faith more complicated than it needs to be.
Leila says
Yes, Katherine, my crack about being a slacker is directed more to the sheer amount of time available to Maria's family when they were young than to ours, due to many factors… I don't really think either one of us is a slacker! I love reading the Trapp family book (Bridget and I are re-reading it together). It has had such a great effect on my family life.But before we put pressure on ourselves, we have to examine things realistically. As you say, is it our cultural heritage? Is it something we really love to do?I think a lot of families do feel like slackers when they compare themselves to what others are doing, but we can't wear ourselves out — and yes, if we start to clink and jingle, we need to re-assess! :)Your comment about Advent made me laugh, because, as I've said in my Advent posts, we have 4 birthdays in December, so I try my best not to LISTEN — lalalala with fingers in ears — when someone comes up with a devotion in Advent I haven't heard of before! I have to keep things very low-key to make it through.I love putting flowers before images of Mary in May (and having the kids do it when they were young) because it reminds me to be simple and loving, and not to worry about "activities" or rushing around or comparing myself to anyone else, but to offer Our Lady reverence in a child-like way. And I think it's a custom that will stay with the children for their whole lives.
Deirdre says
It absolutely has stayed with us! At least me — the flower devotion is as natural to me as singing Christmas carols!Pretty pictures! oooh lilies of the valley and violets!! How exciting! Of course DC has been awash with amazing blossoms for weeks, and lovely in 500 different ways, so I can't complain — but I have missed the violets. I have a feeling that I was a major offender in the picking-prized/premature-flowers-as-gifts-for-mama department… 😛
Jennifer Gregory Mil says
Lovely ideas! You echoed so much of what I think about focusing on the Liturgical Year. It's not about minimalism or being "simple" but realistic on how to LIVE it. If it is artificially created and a burden then it's not a part of us; we're not really living it. We should be at ease with the liturgical year like eating and breathing.
Betsy says
I will echo the "thanks for this post" comments. Our family life seems to go so much more smoothly when making a point of putting God first in everything – doing the "little things with great love" (Mother Teresa). This by all means includes honoring our Lord's Mother with flowers – after all who does not like it when our Mom is looked upon with honor! My kids are definitely dandelion pickers (and tulip, and bleeding heart . . .) so I just need to get that vase relocated to in front of Our Lady's statue. I have had great hopes of getting a new Madonna print to make a special area in our house. My checkbook likes the idea though of using what we have – the Christmas Card idea is a good one.
messy bessy says
Well as usual, you have hit on something that I was just thinking about. We really like parties, around here, and we have so many opportunities with all the feast days. Adding special activities or songs or decorations is nice if you have the time and inclination, but it's better just to celebrate!Just yesterday I was thinking to myself how although we live on a tiny city lot, we have almost always managed to find something pretty to put on the family shrine (which is a small shelf on our living room wall — high up so that babies can't pull down the icon). We put in dandelions, of course, and little common violets that grow on the boulevards, and there are tulips growing along our alley (planted before we arrived) so we have used some of these. Also, lilies of the valley — so sweet! Lilacs, too, when we can get them.In the winter (we live in the north) we put small sprigs of evergreen or pine cones. Or use the best of whatever flowers my husband brings home for me. He's such a sweetie!The point is, you are exactly right. It's just a way of reminding yourself of the beauty of serving God, and of all his saints. We're supposed to be joyful. Let's not worry too much about the way this joy manifests.
Kimberlee says
Oh, this is such a lovely post!Right now we have a single daisy in a wee glass vase in front of the Blessed Mother, and yesterday it was some sort of buttercup or maybe clover. I just posted a picture of my two youngest kneeling in front of Our Lady outdoors, and she had a cup of dandelions. My young ones do these things naturally, and that is what makes it so very lovely. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with your customary charity and charm.
Mama Bean says
"Can you receive the two flowers that have finally managed to grow in the yard, cut off in their prime by your little gift-giver?"i love when your "voice" comes out so clearly in your writing.thank-you for inspiring simplicity. is six months old too young to teach a child how to pick flowers for his mother? i don't think so…
Elizabeth @ The Gard says
Lovely post !BTW, Maria's book "Around the Year with the Trapp family" is available to read or download at http://www.ewtn.com/library/FAMILY/TRAPP.TXT
Breanna says
heh heh–just read this over, because it's so good, and in passing I have to thank you for saying "boughten". I say "boughten" all the time and my husband has insisted, since we got married, that it isn't a real word and that I made it up. Proof! Someone else uses it!:)Breanna
Jeannie says
Thank you for your post Leila.I usually read your posts twice. Great information for those of us who tend to get overwhelmed by all the beautiful things that other moms on blogs seem to be doing, and put the pressure on ourselves to do it all. 🙂 Which is completely my own fault.Your posts are usually timely for me.Thank You!
mel says
Sometimes I think we are so used to our own family customs that we don't even recognize them for what they are worth.When I was a kid, I remember a teacher telling us to come in and tell about a family tradition or custom, anything from a holiday tradition or an ethnic type of meal, anything like that. I went home all upset and told my mother it was just an impossible assignment because we didn't have any traditions! lol… Of course we did, as Catholics, as people of long-held Scotch-Irish heritage, as Southerners…goodness, lots of recipes at the very least. But these were all just part of life, they weren't anything I could identify as different from what anyone else did, not at that age.
stephanie says
I discovered you blog recently and, may I say THANK YOU! I'm a mama of 5 with my oldest turning 8 this summer and I am a disaster. Your motherly advice is really helping me have confidence in knowing what I should be doing rather than sitting around paralyzed by all the stuff I could be doing.
Anonymous says
Leila, once again I come away reading a post at your blog with the overwhelming thought that, "Wow, this woman REALLY, TRULY knows what it's all about."You really understand, Leila and you articulate it so well. You take the time to communicate it to so many of us through your blog. I will be forever grateful to you for that, Leila. For me, you have been the voice of sanity, moderation and wisdom.I have been reflecting and praying a lot about my Catholic homeschooling. My curriculum is gasping for air and the "Living the Liturgical Year" part of things is barely limping along. I have been disappointed in myself to say the least. I have turned to consulting an array of blogs by other Catholic moms for ideas. Many of them seem to have every day of the Liturgical Year marked with an amazing assortment of special meal, craft and activity. It seemed for every "doable" idea I would come away with from these blogs, I would come away with unsurmountable discouragement about what else I could/should be doing as well. I have even thought seriously about not reading those blogs at all. Do not misunderstand me, I know these mothers are offering their ideas to help and and I am in awe of what they do. But for me, I have to take a simpler approach. It is funny, also, because I have specifically wondered at times what your advise would be about what is sometimes presented as "Living the Liturgical Year".Before I read your post, I was all anxious about not allowing May to pass without special attention to our Blessed Mother. But once again, I was caught up in grandiose ideas that I knew in the back of my head were probably not going to happen. However, we do have a pretty statue, wildflowers, some simple vases and five precious little children to participate. It will be joyous and beautiful and most of all, I am certain they will remember it.Thank you, Leila. Thank you so much.Annie
Anonymous says
Reading posts like this *are* my worship. My husband is a very outspoken atheist, and while I don't agree with him, I know that arguing about it isn't going to make for a happy home. So I have my silent ways, which give me great comfort. The idea of saying a prayer to Mary and offering up my bouquets to her is just perfect for me. Thank you for such a treasure of an idea.(and I don't usually post anonymously, but this time I need to – thank you for understanding)
Emily J. says
Can I add my thanks and appreciation? It's easy to read other people's blogs and feel like a failure, but this is a great reminder that most of the time small gestures mean the most. Thanks.I LOVE your lily-of-the-valley and violets. Makes me homesick.