Long ago, I challenged you to guess where I'd say you should commence your housekeeping.
Did you guess? Do you care? Do you think it matters?
I actually do!
Whether you are spring cleaning or just going through your normal routine (I know, I know — well, let's work on it!), you should start in your bedroom.
And in the process, express your love for you husband in a hidden yet effective way!
Even if your “normal routine” seems less like a line with a starting point and more like an endless circle, I'm going to argue that you should think of the master bedroom as where you begin.
When you're a bit paralyzed by all you have to do, start there.
When things are going pretty well and you have the cleaning under control, start there anyway.
I mean, when things are going well, you just keep going around and around, doing a little deep cleaning here and a lot of maintenance there, don't you? And no doubt there are problem spots that are always calling out for attention. And then you might lose your bearings…
So, although Flylady has you start with your kitchen sink, and certainly, much has to happen before the sink gets shiny, which makes her idea clever, I wonder:
If you start in the kitchen, will you ever leave?
The Sidetracked Home Executives have you start with your entryway, which I do not dismiss. It's about seeing yourself as others see you — we'll get there.
But after about thirty years of reflection, I am having you start in the room you share with your husband.
The reason is simple, but profound. Your home has many areas that express family life, but your bedroom expresses the foundational relationship between you and your spouse — the inner sanctum where the sacrament of your marriage is consecrated and continually renewed with the conjugal gift.
If it weren't for the intimate aspect of your commitment, your family would not be. God has ordained it so. It was that way from the very start. It has always been that way. It always will be that way.
That reality should be expressed in your respect for this physical place, for your body, for the body of your husband. Your first steps should be to make the room — the bed and the places for your clothes — truly orderly.
From there it's not far to make it actually beautiful, according to what you both think is beautiful. (I happen to favor displaying some of the little hand-made presents we've received over the years… so sweet to me! I suppose this would all look different if I had unlimited funds and time to spend, but I do like it this way.)
{If you would like to know more about how my “shabby-shabby” style came about in this room, I wrote about it here.}
What good does it do to have, as so many families do, a fancy living room, a gleaming kitchen, a curb with appeal, a wide-screen TV and wet bar — but chaos, piles of laundry, dust, and dreariness in the bedroom? (Conversely, some people tend towards narcissism in the master bedroom, but I doubt they'd be reading this anyway, so I won't talk about it. Our aim is loving simplicity, not hedonistic luxury.)
So it seems fitting to me that the struggle to bring order to the home begin here, where the home has its origin. It seems to me that whatever you do here to improve your sense of service to your husband and the bond you share will redound to the good of your family, joining the grace of your sincere effort with that of the sacrament, bringing “grace upon grace” to all.
When you make your bed, which you should do every morning before you leave the room for good that day, offer up the incense of thanksgiving for your husband and a prayer for his sanctification, which depends so much on you!
In difficult times, when you are tempted to let bitterness creep in, try to think of one thing, one quality, that you are truly grateful for in this person God has given you.
Remember that God has foreknown, through all eternity, that you would be married to him. Have faith and trust that in foreknowing, He also ordained it and desired it. In other words, it's no mistake, if that's what you are thinking.
If you're thinking, “Oh, no! I love my husband, he's so good to me!” then this is a good time to tell God you realize His blessing.
And then, maybe go ahead and change the sheets! In my discussion on sheets in the laundry series, I said something to the effect that “those sheets will tell you when they need to be changed” — and I had in mind the little kids' beds.
If a freshly bathed child is getting into clean pjs and going to bed, I don't see the point of changing the sheets that often, and experience has driven this point home to me — I'm talking about the experience in which I virtuously change bedding because I think it would make me a better housewife and then, that very night, those stinkers get a throwing-up flu.
But your bed is different.
I think that even in the leanest times it's worth having two sets of sheets so that you can accomplish this task with a minimum of fuss. (I personally find re-making beds exhausting.)
Just the way I told you, you have to ask, “What belongs in here?”
A bed, side tables, lamps, dressers, possibly a chair….
…an exercise machine, a quilt rack, an extra dresser because the other ones are quite small, a chair, a floor lamp, a small laundry hamper for dirty clothes…my bedroom is big, I know 😉 — and I wanted to show you how realistic my standards are! For the sake of full disclosure, I will say that it's my clothes that are usually piled on that chair.
For years our bedroom had a bassinet coming and going, and a changing area for the baby. That's part of life, if not of magazine pictures. Can you make them pretty and keep them clean? Don't let dust accumulate under the changing table because you think it's temporary. Don't let your sheets get grody because the baby will just spit on them next time. In fact, you can have a little stash of extra layers, whether a folded twin sheet or a large towel, for spreading out under the baby.
No matter how okay with it he seems to be, don't let your husband feel that he's second fiddle to the parade of little ones marching through your room and your bed.
If your problem is that your bedroom is hidden under laundry, read about solving that lamentable situation, and make your first move to clear everything out. Even if the laundry has to reside in the hallway for a while, that's okay. The important thing is to get this room on its feet.
In an ideal world there would never be a laundry basket in sight. Maybe, like me, you fold your laundry on your bed.
Decide what level of “less than perfect” you can live with, and then stick to it (by which I mean don't go beneath it). For me, a couple of laundry baskets in transit is an acceptable level.
It's a far cry from the mountains that could be there if we let them, especially if the laundry room is regrettably placed adjacent to the master bathroom. I do think a laundry room near the bedrooms makes sense for efficiency's sake, but it's just too tempting to let it pile up if it's “only in my room.”
When the changing of the seasons comes, it's inevitable to find a sea of clothes — they have to be somewhere! — here in the master bedroom. But get them out as soon as may be!
Use the thinking we've discussed for deep cleaning a room to tackle this one, and then resolve to keep it under control. You will be surprised at how devoting some effort and love to your bedroom can solve some deep issues in the home.
Once you make it a priority to keep your bedroom reasonably neat, clean, and tidy, you will notice that besides gaining your husband's gratitude, your children respect it more as they grow older.
Do you see how that contributes, however humbly, to their understanding of the preciousness of marriage and the home — and the reverence that both you and your husband have for your relationship? Do you see how this lesson, an unspoken one, will carry its message to a new generation? Who knew that you were expressing so much by cleaning a room?
Shared over at Ann Voskamp's blog!
Barb says
Wow, what can I say? There's so much here that I agree with and so much fleshing out what I've been feeling, but hadn't put into words yet.One of my ongoing projects is to make our bedroom of a beautiful sanctuary for my husband and I. It's going slowly because I'm relying on my skills and thrifting, which is really relying on God's blessing us in his time. But, it's coming along with some fabulous finds, like a white bedskirt for only a dollar.Then I look at the master bedroom of one of my sisters-in-law. It's rumored that she is waiting for her youngest to graduate from high school and then she'll be divorcing her husband. Sadly for years, their bedroom has been filled with stuff, and stuff is one of the issues in their marriage. She's a spendaholic. Had she invested that time in honoring her marriage rather than spending money on things, perhaps her family would be in a better place.Thank you for another thought-provoking post!
scmom (Barbara) says
I always make clean sheets my gift to my husband. At least once a week. It's just a priority. Time in bed should feel like the luxury it is.Now to get rid of those stacks of folded laundry before he comes home from work!
J.J. says
I really enjoyed your post!!!!! Thanks for the reminder!
Betsy says
Oh so much for me to think about and act on here. You know, I have always started my cleaning in the kitchen as that is where I am 90% of the day. I now see your point in starting in the bedroom – boy will my hubby be surprised about this in the future!! I am once again transitioning my clothes from my reg.clothes to maternity clothes and with my small closet and small bedroom I find this a chore I dread. Our bedroom has been less than ideal this week and you have given me the motivation to face it today!
The Kampers says
Oh thank you! So often I leave this room for the very last and it was 10 last night before I got the sheets back on the bed. What a simple thing, yet so profound. Thank you!
Lindsay says
Only recently, since Christmas, have my husband and I put the effort into making our bedroom a priority, and it truly is a good thing. In the past few weeks, it has become more of the dumping ground for unfolded clothes and the like and lost a bit of that "retreat" feeling it had. I've been sick, and I look over the house with a bit of despair wondering where to start. And you are right, I have been starting in the kitchen only to find my limited time isn't enough to make it any further! I think I will head off to the bedroom shortly to begin there!
Christine says
Thank you! I pray that you and your family have a blessed Holy Week and a Happy Easter!
Jill says
Beautiful, practical and real; a fabulous post! I love your vision for future generations! It is true that the way we view the priority of the marriage bed as well as what surrounds it speaks volumns to our husband as well as our children. I also feel very strongly about stopping what we are doing (even if only for a moment) and greeting my husband as he comes in the door. I've known two women who almost always had a friend over for the day and would not even stop the conversation to acknowledge their husband when he walked in the door. They were indifferent to their men. SURPRISE! Both men found someone else who made them feel welcomed and appreciated. Of course, both men sinned in doing this but we women can accelerate the process of our husbands falling into sin.My husband has not outwardly been bothered by the bedroom/laundry pile/ baby nursery….but when I cleaned things up and perfumed the sheets 😉 he was very appreciative.It also made the children wonder;) and that is a good thing. Dad is NOT one of the crowd.
pam says
Bless you, Leila.This is just what I needed to be reminded of today. I'm off to pretty up the bedroom.Much love,Pam
Freckled Hen says
Clean sheets are among my favorite things in the whole wide world. Especially if they are dried outside. At first I thought my room's not that bad but after reading your post and looking around at my clutter…it's bad, really bad!Thanks for the advice.
messy bessy says
Oooo, this is a hard one for me. Our bedroom is 10 feet by 12 feet, and it has: a king-size bed with a single bed shoved up against it for the baby, and two dressers. The closet door doesn't open all the way, the hall door doesn't open all the way (they both hit the furniture) and we have about 20 inches of walkway around this stuff.It is a cruddy room, excuse my vulgar language. And to make matters worse, my husband and I require two sets of blankets (he's a thrasher and keeps me up all night if we share). Overall, it's in sore need of something. I will mull this post for a long time.
Alexis says
I just started following your blog and it's right up my alley. I've have many similar thoughts about the bedroom in the past and reading them all put together so beautifully is inspiring and affirming!It is also convicting since you mentioned nearly every thing that is currently WRONG with my room. Spit up all over the sheets, clothing from all ages, stages and seasons in huge piles, dust covering the makeshift changing area and the bassinet is turned the wrong way and has blankets spilling out of it. So, thankyou!
Briana says
Totally! I often say that the master bedroom is a child free zone, meaning they cannot bring their junk into my room and mess it up! I fold my laundry on the bed also and I think I might have to change that habit. There always seems to be laundry or a basket in there. You are right on about the state of our bedroom mirroring the state of the marriage/family.
Mama Bean says
Thank you.That is all.
Kathleen says
When my friends began talking about flylady and the clean kitchen sink, I likened it unto making my bed. It started when we lived in a small apartment. And when I made the bed and I walked by I would feel encouraged and began picking up the rest of the place. I make the bed, throw the dirty clothes into the laundry, and voila…a clean room. I had likened it unto starting in the path of least resistance. And now, you've added other virtues of honoring our marriage first. I am so glad that I started here!! Now to work on clean sheets more often!! In the summertime it is easier for I have two sets. I need two sets of flannel for the wintertime!Thanks again for the encouragement.
Breanna says
Tsk! Now see what you've done. You made me go clean out my closet…and the chest at the foot of the bed…and the drawers…But ahh. The bedroom can breathe again. :)Thank you!I've been trying lately to bear in mind something I read in a Peter Walsh book: you can't have anything in your bedroom except the furniture and your clothes. That's it.Well, of course that isn't it for us–we have a few books, a few pretties, and–uh, a baby boy–but I've been trying to keep in that spirit. Because otherwise a knitting bag ends up in there, and the Husband's steel-toed boots and hardhat, and a few My Little Ponies, and so on.Great post. :)Breanna
jlsat4 says
This was a great and encouraging post! I completely agree with your approach. Blessings to you 🙂
Faithemmanuel says
I audibly gasped (can you inaudibly gasp?) when I saw this heading. This week I decided that my side of the bed was a perfectly appropriate place for a mammoth pile of unfolded clean laundry. At least I didn't choose my husband's side of the bed, right? I will get on this pronto– thank you, my messenger from heaven. -Faith
Crafty P says
I was wondering what it is I should tackle today as I have a myriad of options. You have settled it for me. So well said, Auntie Leila.And I believe you've put into words why my wonderful confessor asked me to "make my bed like the Hilton" for the rest of Lent. (and beyond…)Have a blessed Holy Week!
Leila says
Thanks for these insightful comments…I'm so happy to see that you get it! That makes me hopeful for marriage and family.I want you all to know that I am not judging you for having a big pile of laundry on your bed!Many is the night my patient hubby has delicately placed the laundry over on my side so that he could go to sleep. Nor do I think this can all be accomplished in a day. I finally got Rosie's wedding dress out of my room (well, it had been in the back of the car, but then we went to Virginia — "things are not moving in the right direction", says the Chief when it was found back in our room). But then it was raining so hard I couldn't face running into the dry cleaners with it…The pictures in the post are of my room at its very best (albeit dark, since I live in the LAND WITH NO SUN), so you can see that my standard is not perfection.Since this is the maid's year off, all we can do is try. But if we can understand the whys of the thing, at least we're getting beyond just putting out fires. We're showing our love in what we do, right? So no worries.
An Adventurer in the says
yes, Leila, yes.deb meyers
Anne R Triolo says
Messy Bessy,I have a small bedroom too, though not as small as yours. I have recently decided that shoving the bed in the corner gives us more room to walk on one side and room for the rocking chair which cuts down on frustration even if it means sometimes climbing over each other to get in and out and only having one night stand. My husband is very sweet though. He will always pass a glass of water when I ask. :)Do you have to have a whole single bed for the baby? Would a bassinet work? Or even an infant car seat? I don't know how old your baby is, but mine loves sleeping in her car seat with it's snuggly fleecey cover thingy. Do you have to have a whole king size bed for you? Is there somewhere else you could keep a dresser or two? My closet is very very tiny and there is really not room in it for my clothes and my husbands so we have recently decided to move his hanging clothes into the closet in his office. This works well too since he usually gets up earlier, now he doesn't have to rummage around looking for clothes in the dark waking up the baby and me. Anyway, just a few ideas, don't feel that I am judging. We had lived in our house for 13 months before we even moved into our bedroom because it took us that long to strip wall paper and paint. We moved into our room just before christmas and it is still not really finished…And often is burried in clothes, baby blankets, burp clothes and baskets. Ahh!:)
Gail says
I had been doing a reasonably good job keeping things neat here for about two weeks at the beginning of Feb., thanks to your inspiration. Then I found out I was pregnant and everything fell apart. Now I'm finally getting some energy and motivation back so I tackled the bedroom this morning. Now the perimeters look pretty good, but everything is piled on my bed and I need a nap! Oh well, I'll get it together someday.
Anonymous says
This is so inspiring and affirming dear Leila; very beautifully said. Thank you. Our relationship with our husbands is central to our family and what a lovely example you gave to honour marriage. Our menfolk deserve this loving recognition of their importance in our lives. (I couldn't take my eyes off the photo of your pretty, neatly made bed. Lovely.)
Betsy says
Ok now, my Mother-in-Law (Mrs. Spotless house) showed up to visit out of the blue today and was greeted by a messy kitchen. However, I had just finished making my bedroom spick and span. I had a big laugh about this with my sister after MIL had left. Leave it to me to use your advice (good advice too mind you) on this day in particular. 🙂 I am still chuckling.
alanna rose says
I completely agree!Growing up my parents room was always clean, the bed was made, dressers uncluttered and dusted and it felt so calm and inviting (even if there were always a few clean laundry baskets waiting to be doled out). When I set up my house with my husband it just made sense that that is how it is done. We never crisis clean by throwing things into the master bedroom and shutting the door – consequently, after a big party we have our nice clean sanctuary of a bedroom to relax in :)Waking up to a clean room is a joy also! It makes the day feel fresh (just like when you walk into the kitchen and see a clean sink and counters). I think that once you try it, you'll be hooked!
Lindsey in AL says
Beautiful! Oh, how I wish you were really my aunty and lived a lot closer than 1000 miles away!Our bedroom is 12×12. We have a king-sized bed, 2 skinny nightstands and a bookcase at the foot. I believe there is about a 17 inch passage on all 3 sides. The king-sized bed enables us to bring baby right into it until we're ready to put him/her into the next room.When you mentioned not changing the sheets so often, I felt so much better about my kids' beds. But I didn't let it get me out of the habit of changing my own (and hubby's!) every 5-7 days. Now I am so happy that I didn't let myself get lazy there. I am blessed (I think) with a sewing room attached to my bedroom (although an attached bath would be preferable!) and that is where my excess ends up. It's also the dryer's room so it's a natural place for extra clean laundry. I still let it build up on the bed sometimes though (like today!) So I think I'll go make hubby's coffee for tomorrow, put that laundry back in the sewing room where it belongs 😀 and tomorrow I will vacuum behind the bed. If I can manage it without pulling out the bed. 6 months pregnant shouldn't move king-sized beds.PS- my word verification is "guarolp." I think that's the noise i made when I realized how much laundry is on the bed this evening 😀
messy bessy says
Anne Triolo:Thanks for your ideas! Our "baby" is actually almost 17 months, and we're currently a bit perplexed as to where she will go when she moves out of our room. (Girls' bedroom, same size as ours, has 3 girls already in it, boys' bedroom is about 9×9, other bedroom is on the main floor directly next to the front door, currently used as a library/office/homeschool area)We have a small finished basement, so we're thinking of putting the 13-year-old there, and then moving the youngest into the girls' bedroom. However, until then, I think we are stuck. It's actually a huge blessing in disguise: We FILLED OUR HOUSE WITH CHILDREN! There's no room for anything else!Still, I could make our bedroom a lot nicer than it is. I've been thinking a lot about it.
Leila says
Haha…we've always had a double bed…it's kind of ironic that we have a double bed in a 400 sq. ft. room and some of you have a king in a 144 sq. ft. or less!Sorry. Didn't meant to laugh. It's just because we have a hand-me-down bedstead…first hubby's Nana's and then this one I got out of the trash, remember? We're just used to it, although I think we need a new mattress.Anyway, we had one baby or another in there many a long year.Once the Chief (not long ago, either) got into the habit of snatching the bedclothes at night. I made it with two sets of covers and he was so distressed! He promised to reform…and he did…but isn't that funny that it would bother him?Just do your best, my friends, and don't fret yourselves.
Domestic Accident says
When my husband comes home to clean sheets and meatloaf, he believes his house to be the best in the whole world. Really so easy to please.Leila, when are you going to write a book? You must.
Allison says
Thank you so much for this post. I have been waiting for Easter to change our bedding into something whiter, lighter, brighter, nicer. Everything's in the closet, ready to go, and your post makes me glad I bothered. It is important to do these things for your husband. He doesn't know he wants you to, but the results speak for themselves.
Allison says
Thank you so much for this post. I have been waiting for Easter to change our bedding into something whiter, lighter, brighter, nicer. Everything’s in the closet, ready to go, and your post makes me glad I bothered. It is important to do these things for your husband. He doesn’t know he wants you to, but the results speak for themselves.
kimberly says
Right on, Leila! The bed truly sets the tone for the whole room…clean sheets notwithstanding! No matter how awful I feel, nor how pressed for time, the master's (and mistress'!) bed will be made. It changes everything…to end the day, entering a room that is a haven rather than a graveyard for all the unwanted things in the household…it refreshes heart and soul and shouts to the world that this space is the heart of the home. Our room is spacious…it's not fancy…no Ethan Allen finery…more of a shabby-chic bed and breakfast. A comfy couch with a lovely view, a mantle decked with those symbols of our faith that give comfort, his and her night tables with his n' her reading materials, comfy quilt and mounds of fluffy pillows…yes…these things make a difference. And filters down to the children. What a lovely post and a terrific reminder…
Deborah says
Another beautiful,wise, and sane post; and I second what Domestic Accident wrote: it is time for the book, Leila. You will spread good in the world; honestly.It's funny, but we have always instinctively placed and folded the laundry on the family room floor; I credit Avishalom with this, not me (he is the laundry person), because he has always had an instinctive sense of the sanctity of the marital bed. He set down a rule before Amiya was born that children *never* come into their parents' bed: nightmares, illness, whatever- we go to their rooms. When they were infants, up until four months of age, we had them in a bassinet next to us- then off to the children's room they went. Shiloh had a nightmare the other night, and Avishalom spent between 2 am and 5 am in Shiloh's bed- never, never do they spend the night in ours. 14 years ago, I was opposed to this policy; now, I see its great wisdom, particularly after having witnessed friends who for the last decade or so have had, every night, 3 or 4 extra bedmates, and who have had to sneak off to the living room couch every time they needed privacy…Besides, it makes a morning family snuggle in the parental bed that much more festive and truly enjoyable.Your post strengthened my resolve, however, to be better about making the bed in the morning!!Wishing you a very joyous Easter, and God's grace and blessing,Love,Debbie
Sue says
I'm laughing at the fact that your bedroom is half the size of our apartment. No wonder you have room for lovely chairs!Our bedroom contains only our big make-shift bed (we made it out of the kids' old bunk bed – may sound strange but it works really well!), and a bedside table on my side overflowing with books. I really love your advice, and usually that's exactly what I do. I really want our room to be a haven for my husband when he comes home. It is also a haven for a child who just needs a few minutes to himself during the day. In our tiny apartment we can sometimes feel like we're on top of each other, and sometimes someone just needs to go and get peaceful. It's not a punishment, though, but a privilege. Maybe it's because our bedroom is so tiny and sparse, but it's also the easiest room to get in order. Doing it first always makes me feel like I accomplished something in a short amount of time. Very motivating!
Woman of the House says
Your story, Leila, about your husband's distress over the two sets of covers reminded me of the first time–just a couple months ago–that my husband and I slept in a king-sized bed. I kind of liked it because I've always been afraid I crowded him, but he told me the next day that he hated it because it felt like I was in the next county. Very sweet.Thank you for your wonderful post! My husband gets grumpy and disoriented in a messy house, so I've always made it a priority to keep it reasonably clean and tidy. We have all benefitted.
DeAnn says
It's so ironic that you posted this today. I have been so very overwhelmed at the monumental task of reorganizing my house after moving in two years ago one month before baby #6 was due. Between no sleep for a year and homeschooling…I just threw things in closets and rooms. Now, I'm trying to dig myself and my family out before baby #7 arrives in August. Instead of making a plan, I have read organizing books and fretted my way to… nowhere, really. Today, I was determined to get something done. "God, I can't do this on my own…where do I begin?" I felt a still small voice speak to my heart…"your bedroom." Hmmm….are you sure? not the laundry room, or dining/catch-all room? I asked my husband where I should begin. "Well, darlin' I think you'll get the greatest reward from a clean bedroom." O.K. That settled it. Amongst a thousand interruptions, I did it…nice and clean. My closet needs a little work, between maternity clothes, regular spring clothes and winter clothes, but I'll get to that. For now I'm going to relax and enjoy the quiet, clean, beauty of a clean room…so what if my laundry room now has baskets piled to the ceiling? One more thing…I read something interesting in one of the aforementioned organization books. She spoke highly of the flylady, but had a different suggestion regarding the, "kitchen sink" idea. She suggested choosing an area of the house that drives you the most crazy when it is messy/dirty. It's different for everyone, really. The flylady's area is the sink…but mine is my kitchen island. If that area is clean, I can be a little more relaxed and calm. Since I read that, I have been working on keeping it clutter-free and clean. I have to admit, it has given me a great sense of satisfaction… much more than a clean sink. Thanks for a lovely post.
Anonymous says
This is beautiful. Thank you.
Anonymous says
This site was just recommended on a forum and this is exactly what I needed to read because … I know this. I JUST emptied *our* room of all the piles of stuff that should not be there (including all the laundry) and dusted / vacuumed yesterday – so thanks for the confidence booster! I thought, as well, how can I expect my kids to keep their rooms clean if we don't do it ourselves?I'm excited to read more and get the rest of the house in order. :)stephanie
Mrs Bossy says
Good one! The first room we work on when we move in to a new home is our room (3 homes). Right after we got married my husband shared with me that his "dream bedroom" would have books covering all the walls! He almost got his wish with our last house – 2 walls of books. (The other 13 bookcases were deposited throughout the house.) Other than that, we like the room sparse. And no matter what form of construction is going on in the rest of our fixer uppers, the master bedroom is clean and clutter free. It's lovely to have a retreat without spending $2995.99 to get there 🙂
Michael says
"Many is the night my patient hubby has delicately placed the laundry over on my side so that he could go to sleep."Instead of putting it away himself?
Leila says
Well, Michael, sometimes he would put it in baskets so that the kids could take it from there.But to be fair, sometimes I wouldn't want him to, since I hadn't finished sorting it, and he knew it would make me more crazy for him to try…and sometimes it was so late he was just too tired.And those are the things we do for each other — not mess with the other's systems, and not be upset when the system isn't perfect and it's too late for anyone to do anything about it. All in the most loving, not selfish, manner possible…
Jill says
Great reply Leila. I always find it interesting how complete strangers can get offended by what other couples do or do not do for each other.Feminist indoctrination at work!(and I can talk because I have grown from a young wife who would have expected a tired husband to put the laundry away-how dare he expect me to do it-to an older wife who is just plain glad to have a hardworking husband come home to me each night;).jill F
Jamie says
I love your blog so much. My friend just linked your blog in hers and I clicked over to this post. I had Mt. Washmore in my bedroom today and I spent a good three hours in there folding everything and ironing practically everything because it was so wrinkled from the days of being in mounds. I used to be really on top of laundry, but I find it hard to keep up with now because I spend so much time downstairs and doing things with the kids. I get interrupted all the time and the baby is always either grabbing onto my legs if I'm folding from the bed, or undoing piles that I've folded. The two year old wants to "help" and he'll run off with a stack of his stuff only to put it in the kids' hamper where he thinks it belongs. My 5 year old is pretty helpful though. Anyways, I have never thought to START in the bedroom. Never. Other than simply making the bed. So it is interesting to think about making it a priority. I think I normally do a good job of keeping it decent, but this has inspired me to make it special. Just little things like keeping the dresser dusted and decluttered, decluttering the nightstands, fully closing the drawers of the dresser and nightstands. Good stuff. I love your concept of the "Reasonably Clean House". That is such a great way of looking at things because I would have to ride the kids all day long to keep it truly clean and I'm not willing to do that.
Rochelle says
Thank you! My bedroom is fine…tidy, mostly clean and bedmade, but the closet…oh dear! I've been looking at my side with a gnawing feeling if remose and dispare for the last few weeks. We moved in to this home 2 months ago and ever since the first week "his" side has looked tidy and neat, where as "my" side has looked like a disorderly clutter heap of half unpacked boxes, bags, shoes, out of season clothes, etc. Disgraceful! I took The Nester's hint last week and re-rainbowed my hang up clothes (so pretty!) and then did what you said and took it ALL out (except the neatly hanging clothes…this was about the floor and shelf). Amazingly 20 minutes later it was all orderly, neat and yes, the "junk" I found was put away. Small side note: I changed out my 2 year old's clothes to winter from summer yesterday and I've been praying for about a week that her good navy blue Mary Jane's would show up and they've not been seen until…low and behold, they were in MY closet in an "still to be unpacked" box. 🙂
Rochelle says
PS: To mamas using the bed to fold the clothes, consider another bed(guest?) or the couch….I use the couch, that way if there is a pile of clean it's by the stairs or on the couch, not on our bed….just a thought. 🙂
Linda says
I was inspired by your post (and many others today!) and thought, well, it's almost bedtime and there's a bit of laundry to fold… I'll fold the laundry already on the bed and then if there's time, I'll fold the laundry in the living room. I started in the bedroom with three loads to fold… I was only 5 minutes into it when my husband walked in and started to help! I asked him what motivated him to come help me, and he said, "Well, you're eight months pregnant and motivated to clean up, so I thought I'd give you a hand, make it go faster for you, and we can talk while we're doing it." WOW! He always loves it when I clean. Thanks for the inspiration… it made for a nice end to our evening!
Corie says
Aw.. That's really sweet advice. My husband and I always get things cleaned since we moved in New York. Building maintenance around the house is always fun and enjoyable for us 'coz we get the chance to organize our furniture together and the way we want them. We call a commercial cleaning services (NYC-based) whenever we need to reorganize heavy cabinets, shelves, etc. every once in a while, though. Doing these kinds of things together makes our day. But we'll try to start the cleaning in our bedroom next time. Thanks!
Un pOLKA DOT in Tamp says
Mark the day and time. My laundry is done. Should we wear the same clothes and then just wash those? Tempting. Maybe we need to try it.Ironing is what stops me. So this time I left the ironing board in the room. So in another few days or a week or so, I can get a couple loads of ironing done in a day or so. Our bedroom has a white metal king size bed. Btw, I like how you made this bed. I do the same. I feel better knowing it doesn't have to be done my mother's way.
Jamie says
Hi Leila,I began following your blog after reading this post and have enjoyed "spending time" with you and your daughters ever since. This remains one of my favorite posts to come back to when I lack motivation and notice I'm starting to lose track of my home.
Mary says
Just wanted to tell you how profound and beautiful this post was. And all your posts. I'm a recent new member, and I truly do believe that you 'get it' – the beautiful and holy leisure and the ebb and flow of the Church and family life… without being prudish. Your wisdom is much appreciated by a young mom and bride. Thank you for taking the time to blog.
Jamie says
Hi Leila- I had to come back to this post to share a story. Just yesterday my daughter said, "Mom, I hope we never move!" Me- "Why?" Her- "Because our house is so cozy!" Me- "Really? Which room do you like the best?" Her- "Your room." Me- "Really? (I was genuinely surprised she said this.) Why?" Her- "Because it is just so cozy!" So I guess you're right that children do perceive something really special about this room.
Lydia Cubbedge says
I know I'm a few years late to this comment party, but I wanted to let you know how very, very convicting in a good way this particular post was! My room is a wreck. We moved into a fixer upper a couple years ago, and we are only just really getting into the making it nice phase. We also had a baby in the interim, and baby refuses to leave our room. As a result, the bedroom has been very much on the back burner and I am seeing how our marriage is in pretty much the same state! I have a baby sitter coming tonight, and the house requires a blitz, but tomorrow I'm cleaning the bedroom and getting it in order. Thanks!
Jamie says
Hi Leila,
I’ve commented here before, but wanted to tell you that this post came to mind this week. Lately our marriage has been a little stale. He goes to bed super early (like 8pm) and I stay up until 11. I work several evenings a week, he rides his bike Saturday mornings, I work Sunday afternoons. We’ve been passing each other a lot with not a lot of time for connection. But I thought of our room and decided it really needed some freshening up. So I opened the windows, dusted, vacuumed, picked up the random socks and hair ties and kid toys that found their way in there. I decluttered some magazines stacked on the nightstand, wiped down the bathroom. Suddenly that room could breathe again. And sure enough the next day you-know-who was reaching for my hand at night and singing in the morning.
Leila says
Jamie, thanks for telling me this! Makes me so happy!