1. Stop buying things because it makes you happy to spend money.
This is very much like a similar syndrome regarding food. You know, the one where you eat an entire bag of Oreos? Why? Because you're hungry?
Nooooo. It's because for a little while — not while you are actually eating them, but just before you eat them — you think it will make you happy.
In the same way, just walking into a store can make you feel elated, at one with yourself, on the verge of becoming someone completely different. (Ever read anything by Walker Percy? He describes this state with great wit and insight. I highly recommend Lost in the Cosmos.)
The solution is to face squarely exactly how you feel during and after you shop (and during and after you eat a bunch of cookies). It's like really smelling your house when you first walk in. It's not what you think it is.
2. Stop treating shopping as entertainment.
A little like #1, but different. When you shop for entertainment, you aren't getting your thrill from actually spending money, but rather from going out somewhere that seems bright, new, and fun. However, spend money you will.
The solution is simple — find other forms of entertainment!
Have you ever spent real time in the library? Gone to a museum (the library has passes, you know), gone for a hike?
Better yet, stop looking to be entertained and start creating! Use your imagination and stop shopping!
3. Stop reading low-brow decorating magazines. Stop looking at low-brow decorating blogs. Stop getting your ideas from perfectionists like Martha Stewart, who has taste, I admit, but also knows how to ratchet up the anxiety level.
(Read Country Living* instead, which isn't super high brow but does have a lot of articles about people using their thrifty finds rather than buying stuff at department stores on credit).
The problem is that certain magazines work hand in hand with certain stores to create, and then “satisfy” desires. You see a conventional, coordinating room in a magazine and then you go to the store to get it — for a hefty price. Everything in these magazines is new, everything is slick, everything makes what you have look…shabby. What is unspoken is that none of that stuff lasts or is truly aesthetic.
Solution: Get your ideas from truly high-end magazines and books. They will feature one of two kinds of homes: ridiculously over-the-top professionally decorated environments (they are creating and meeting their own kinds of desires too, of course) that will hone your taste and help you recognize quality when you see it at the yard sale…and truly tasteful examples of people using objects and living in homes that show history, that reflect culture, and that are anchored in real living.
I'm always amazed at how the truly rich don't care if their leather sofas are cracking or their books are piled up and dusty. Their art is often something they invest their money in, but occasionally something that reflects just what they like — and we non-rich can do that too!
The more you immerse yourself in this aesthetic the happier you will be with your own personal history that's all around you — and you will feel rich!
4. Stop paying retail for everything.
Having grown up poking around in junk shops, I guess it never occurred to me that some people are uncomfortable with this form of acquiring stuff.
But once hooked, you will never look back. Once you realize that you can find a dresser for $10, a bread maker for $5, or beekeeping equipment for free, you will kick yourself for paying retail for everything.
Solution: Make an experienced friend take you, or challenge another newbie to go with you. Don't be overwhelmed by a place like Goodwill. Start slow — look only at the handbags or dishes at first. Go back another time to check out the skirts.
5. Stay home and make home beautiful.
See #s 1 and 2 above.
Solution: Clean everything. You will like it all better when it's really clean. (I have much more to say about this, but we're talking beginners. I don't want to scare you!)
Make neat piles of your messes, then go back and get rid of what you don't like. Clean again. Enjoy what you have and be grateful. Stop comparing yourself to others!
If you must go shopping — and this is going to seem wacky to you, I bet — pray!
Ask God to guide you to be a good steward, and ask the angels to lead you to the things you need quickly so you can get them and get out of there before you spend what you shouldn't!
*Edited to say that when I wrote this, I had in mind the Country Living of the early 2000s which was really creative. Nowadays it's quite otherwise and not worth the money. But do seek out old issues c. 2002. They are great.
Anonymous says
I LIKE this! I absolutely agree with you. These are great tips for beginners. You are right on! Another keeper of a column.Thanks.Mom in MO
Sue says
Very wise words. The oreo example hit home for me – ouch! My daughter and I enjoyed your egg photos, especially that last one. Simply beautiful!
Decadent Housewife says
Recreational shopping is up there with recreational dating. Good words, Leila.
Freckled Hen says
Yes! You put this in such wonderful form. I sometimes wonder if I am a recreational thrifter. It's easier to buy stuff when you're not spending $.
Jen - Balancing Beau says
Amen, amen and amen. 🙂
Camille says
I admit I LOVE to shop and get a GREAT deal. I've taken that love and channeled in to my grocery shopping rather than the mall. 🙂 I think it's the thrill of the hunt.
Songbirdtiff says
I completely agree. I used to love shopping mall sales, and other retail sales. Now, I HATE it and only go if I can get a 90% off deal. I still have a pretty home, and my needs MORE than taken care of. The difference is, now I have time to care and enjoy what I already have and my budget is never strained from shopping. Thanks for these tips, they are excellent.
Erika says
Such great tips! I've had to learn some of these things for myself, the hard way, especially coming from a very affluent situation into much more modest circumstances. I was a charter subscriber to the Martha Stewart Living magazine, and everything had to be just like that! I finally figured out I needed to stop reading that, stop watching any of that type of tv show–just disconnect myself from everything that was feeding that dissatisfaction and anxiety. The internet is a wonderful resource to find ideas and examples from people who do wonderful things without the high-end budget, or with no "budget" at all. I did, however, rush right over to Amazon and order that book–sounds like just my sort of thing. (Used, and for less than the price of a coffee at Starbucks 🙂 )
The Ice House says
The best advice you posted here (and it's all good) is to pray before you shop. I try to always ask God to help me make wise decisions and to help me do the most with my money. He is always faithful,too.Super post! Also, those eggs are just beautiful!!!
Brenda@CoffeeTeaBook says
This is a great post!Over the years I've developed a love for English Country. I love how they combine the old and shabby with a few new items.I've found I have to be careful about thrift shop shopping (Goodwill, thrift shops, garage sales, etc.).I have to remind myself just because something is inexpensive doesn't mean I have to take it home with me. The question becomes, "Would I pay full price for this if I could afford it?"
Lyn says
I tend to stay away from stores that I know I would spend money in and just visit them on occasion instead (with a plan in mind). I mostly just grocery shop which is not so exciting, but that's okay.Living on a very tight budget it's a must to keep control on what's leaving my wallet. I love pretty things just like the next person, but I know I have to have control or I'll be forced back to work. I'll take less stuff instead. 🙂
CookinsForMe says
And remember the old adage, "Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without". I heard that so much as a youngster I detested the saying! But now as a frugal adult I actually catch myself saying it to others, especially the young people with whom I work. It's a great reminder! 🙂
Crissie says
WOW! What great insight! I have to be honest, a few of your thoughts hit me really hard… I do shop for entertainment! I don't think I even realized that I do it!! I think I've labeled it as all sorts of other things (adventure, thrill of the hunt, etc.) but when it comes right down to it, I'm doing it for entertainment.I will at least be more mindful of that when I go out and I'm sure that will affect my spending!Thanks for a great post!xoxoxxoo
Ann Kroeker says
I'm a frugal, library, Goodwill girl, but I need to increase my appreciation of quality. On my next trip to the library, I'll take a look at Country Living and some of those really high-end magazines that will educate my eye. Decorating is not my strength, so I could use the input.
Your Frugal Friend, says
Great post! Everyone could afford to start thinking like this.:)
Shelley says
What great tips! I am really trying to get a handle on managing our money more wisely and I just want to second the tip about cleaning. I usually love to shop and I have been trying to divert that energy into cleaning our home. I can't believe how much I am loving it! I am so appreciating what I have as I care for it, plus realizing that more stuff would mean more cleaning and what I have is plenty! It's so nice to be validated. Thanks.
Linda says
Amen to all of that! :DGreetings from the netherlands
Buffy says
I liked this post. It addresses the fundamentals of why we can let our spending get carried away. Lovely illustrations too.
mary says
Very wise words, indeed. I love a good thrift store or yard sale. There is nothing like antique furniture and goods. A girlfriend of mine is moving out of the area. I came away from her sale with a darling antique lingere chest, a cedar chest and an old Bake King cookie sheet and I am equally thrilled with all. I also love older homes. What charm. Such soul.mary
MomE says
Wow! This is such a great post…so practical. I love the thoughts on high end magazines…I never thought about it like that before! Thanks for sharing your wisdom!
Anonymous says
Great post. Will there be a Frugal for Intermediates and for advanced???I could use a few fresh ideas….Thanks!Coleen
sewingchick says
I agree with everything except one thing… when you said to stop treating shopping as entertainment. It depends what kind of shopping you're talking! If you're talking "mall shopping," then I agree, however thrift store shopping can give me hours of entertainment for little to no money. If I find nothing, then I walk out empty handed and no money lost. If I find something I love, or a piece of clothing (mostly for my son now) that is super cheap (like a quarter!), then I'll get it. At least I can walk out of the store with something tangible. If I went to the movies for entertainment, I would have lost way more money and nothing to show for it!
Crafty P says
what a great and inspiring post! thanks so much! And I loved looking at all the gorgeous eggs.Blessings!
Leila says
You thrifty people have such delicate consciences :)The recreation of finding bargains is one I enjoy myself.The recreation of going to retail stores –even Walmart — without a plan — as a form of fun — and maybe even GASP charging stuff is one I deplore.You knew that 🙂
Andrea says
Certainly an interesting post.
Cara says
I love this post! I pray before I go shopping, it really helps. And I am quite motivated to stay within my 'normal' weight range, since my normal weight range has an abundance of awesome name-brand hardly-worn clothing in thrift stores.
Mignon Thurow says
Just perusing the archives and love this! Really spot on advice. I, too, enjoy my own stuff more if I’ve taken the time to clean it and clear away that which I don’t like! As to why I even own stuff I don’t like, well, that’s another story……