When someone finds out that you have home schooled your children, and those children are mostly grown up, they often ask you a lot of questions.
Likewise, when they find out that you have a certain number of children, they tend to want to know certain things.
How do you do it?
How do you know you are doing it right?
How can I do what you are doing?
I almost hesitate to mention it, because it makes it seem like I think of myself as an expert, which I don't.
And we did some school as well as a bunch of home schooling; and as far as we are concerned, our family seems a little on the small side (maybe it's the company we keep! 🙂
But I do mention it, because in a way, my postings on this online journal (I really don't like the word blog, do you?) are my attempt to answer those questions; in person I find it hard to do a good job of getting across the things I think are important.
In Titus we read that older women should help younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, chaste, good homemakers, under the control of their husbands, in order to promote the Gospel.
Those who know me know that I like to give advice, anyway… but I am humbled to read that list.
However, I am getting older ;), and I am not prone to excessive drinking (another pre-qualification), so I guess you could say that I'm taking my stab at obeying this injunction, if only in a “do as I say, not as I do” kind of way.
But hey, even that can be helpful, and the kids did turn out (so far ;), by the grace of God, and due in most part to the strength of their father — to be the kind of people most people want to be with. It does seem to me that a lot — a very huge amount — of advice is given by folks who have not been married for very long, whose children are not very old, or who don't have many children.
When I first got interested in reading blogs, I noticed that the mom blogs, homeschooling blogs, and even large family blogs are, for obvious reasons, mostly written by young women.
And many have a lot to offer, don't get me wrong! I've actually been so inspired by them — some of you! — that — here I am!
However, as I used to say, somewhat tongue-in-cheek, to a friend who would tell me about the parenting tips given by a mutual acquaintance: “Beware of advice from someone with fewer than three children and with all girls!”
Does the editor of a parenting magazine have parenting wisdom, or does she drop her own children off at daycare to pursue her career of dispensing conventional wisdom?
Can you really trust someone whose children aren't even through puberty to tell you whether spanking works or how to foster a life-long love of reading?
What are the criteria that all these experts use to make their judgments?
Do they rely on other experts, perhaps ones whose credentials are in areas that would concern a Christian?
How is their cultural knowledge? Have they had a wide and extensive reading, including old books? Are they grounded in a true understanding of human nature and our ultimate destiny to share in God's divinity?
How much experience do they really have with children? With marriage?
Do they respect the past? Do they know about it?
Having been through a few wars, internal and external, I have been moved in the past few years to share the insights I've gained, with a strong consciousness of the outcome of even a quick review of the facts of the case.
Such as, there is so much I didn't understand about raising a family when I started.
There is so much I understood and somehow failed to implement, even while vowing not to lose sight of my understanding.
That's human nature, I suppose.
That's why I always say to those incredulous souls who stare at us, mouths agape, wondering “how do you DO it?” — If I can do it, so can you! And, read the blog 🙂 because I do want to share what I've learned along the way.
So, lemons were marked way down at the store the other day. I thought I'd make pickled lemons, which deepen and intensify many a stew and roast.
Sprinkle the cut up pieces with salt and add water to cover. They will form pickles in a few weeks! Thanks to lovely Ann Kroeker for the link!
Camille says
THANK YOU! I recently about your "journal" and your "experience" a few weeks ago. Your blog is so refreshing and I was so thrilled to find it. I am in my early 30s and am always shocked to discover that I am reading blogs with advice from women at least 10 years younger than I am! While we have children the same age I often find that my years spent single and childless give me a different perspective on life and parenting. (I still love those blogs, but take them with a grain of salt) Here is the link to my blog about your journal: <a href="http://www.growingupgabel.com/2009/02/mentoring-in-blogosphere.htmlhttp://www.growingupgabel.com/2009/02/mentoring-i… />I am so thankful that God opened the door for you to start writing. I value your thoughts, suggestions, and opinions. I pray daily that more "experienced" (ha ha) women will get on-line and share their experiences as well!
Barb says
The reasons you mention are why I read your blog among others. With an almost 13 year old! in my home, I find myself drawn to blogs of moms who have been there and done that. I laughed about your post about the carafe of water and not having any little ones to knock it over. Even though I have a ds12, I also have a ds5, ds3, ds2 and ds9m and I know all too well about Murphy's law!Thank you for sharing glimpses of your home and life!
G.L.H. says
I have really enjoyed the fact that, as I passed through my forties and now, into my fifties, that so many things become clear. God gives us wisdom, but not until we get a few years under our belts.I'm glad I found you, new friend!–Barbara
Jan says
I love reading your blog. I, too, have been there,done that and learned a lot along the way. I raised six, 2 boys, 4 girls. The last two were homeschooled back in the early days. (1981) If I'd thought of it earlier the rest would have been as well. I get to see these 30 and 40 year olds that I raised and can say with pride I did okay. I am blown away by the great choices they are making and how well they are raising their own families. I will say that God is good and He uses imperfect, flawed moms and dads to raise wonderful kids.
Arden says
I had the same thoughts when I was taken to task (by a younger woman with 1/4th the number of children as me) for not making my husband do housework. Apparently she thought he was poor example to his sons. I was shocked! He works 12 hour shifts, generously provides for us and spends his free time playing with the littles, talking to the teens or maybe working on a home repair that I am unable to do.His time is PRECIOUS to us. I'm not going to squander it by having him do things we are able to do! These ladies aren't getting it and they are offering advice based on OPINIONS. Beware and keep your distance.
NorahS says
Beautiful, well-written post. I had never heard of pickled lemons before. Interesting!
Rachel says
I know a few of those blogs myself. I remember advice given to me by my mother, "Consider the source!" My kids are 20, 17 and 14. I still don't think I can give advice too easily on teens. Each kid, parent, lifestyles are so different. I often tell my own kids that I'm also going through this for the first time too, be patient with me. Even my youngest… it's my first time with HER. So, it's still new 🙂
Amy says
I found your blog a few weeks ago and have enjoyed it so much!!I read your blog for the very reasons you stated. (not trying to make you feel old lol!)I am a mom to 7 kids and the oldest is 13. My husband and I are so shocked how much our child has changed just because she is now a teen. It makes me worry for the years to come lol. She is still a sweet girl but it is like a switch has been flipped and she is so different too. It makes me realize how much I really don't know. When I read you have raised 7 kids it made me keep reading for guidance!! Not many people I know are still changing diapers. They have moved on from that. I have a teen and one in diapers (and one just out of diapers). I will be very interesed in advice you post. Been there, done that means a lot!!
Meredith@MerchantShi says
That's why I consider your blog such a treasure, and why I'm so happy to read your advice!I think the technological divide is partly to blame for the ratio of young(er) to older mothers who blog.I think of my blog as the story of our lives as seen through our frugal experiments, and people can take from it what they will. I can't see the end result like you can but at least I can document the journey as it happens–successes and flops alike!
Keri says
As previous commenters said – this is precisely why I read your blog faithfully. I think there are many younger women hungry for good mentoring from older women, but it seems harder to find these days. Thanks for sharing.
Anonymous says
I also found your blog recently and feel drawn to finding out how you do things with a more traditional mindset. I was 30 when I started having kids (who are now almost 12, 10, 7, 5 and 2) and as an older mom I don't usually feel comfortable around the "younger set" because of their lack of experience and lack of understanding of where I'm coming from. Thank you for writing and sharing.
Rachel says
Well, I've got 5, ages 9 to 22 mos twins (so far, God willing, there will be more). And I know I get a little giggle at some of the advice I read. Which would have been fine when my situation was different, when my dc were fewer in number, and when I was younger…lol.I love reading the advice from the older "btdt" crowd. It gives me hope that indeed, this too shall pass (whatever it is at the time! LOL).I agree, that there is likely something of a technological divide that prevents more women getting online and discussing…but also, a difference in mindset. Yes, there were women home decades ago, raising their children (my mom was one of them)…but those women (incl my mother) were talked down to about their choice and lifestyle. Now they think that no one wants to hear about it. Or they are working outside of the home, now that their dc are gone from the nest, and do not have the time or energy to devote to something such as a blog.I've been greatly blessed by many of the ladies online, both older and younger. They speak to me in different ways, about different things. I think that it is important to, as has been said before "Never stop learning" (I think that that was a televised PSA, but I'm not sure, lol). Never think you know it all, have all of the answers, etc. Older ladies who have btdt can speak from experience. Younger ladies (who may be more technology savvy) can give some advice to their elders…Btw, the lemons sound wonderful. I will have to try that. I've got some 1/2 gallon canning jars I can use for that…Rachel
Erika says
At risk of sounding repetitive, this is also why I was so thrilled to happen upon your blog and look forward to hearing what you have to say. Where I live, most of the women older than me I've gotten to know (and especially the ones who tend to offer advice!) don't exactly have lives and outcomes I would want to emulate, if you know what I mean. We are kind of fish out of water here in some ways. Of course, our family is very different from yours in a number of ways too, but because the core faith and values behind it all are the same I find your experience translates and applies very well to my unique situation here. I too appreciate you taking the time to share!
Meggan says
I very much appreciated the quote from your friend "Beware of advice from someone with fewer than three children and with all girls!"So TRUE! We only have four so far, but three of them are boys, and sometimes I think mothers of all girls just don't get it! I have a girl, who has a whole different set of things to deal with, but wow, boys really keep you on your toes.
Catharina de Bononia says
Thank you, also, from this reader. I don't blog, myself… and I'm perilously close to that category of folks' whose advice should be taken with a grain of salt (I've only got three babies–so far–and all of them girls!)I really appreciate your detailed posts of things like laundry and meal planning… I'm pretty satisfied with the way I've got things going for now, but it's nice to see how I might shift and change things as my babies grow (2.5-year old twins and a baby who'll be ONE tomorrow) and as we add more children. One of my biggest problems, now, actually, is cooking dinner for so FEW people! All the meals I make are at least two-nighters… thankfully, my husband doesn't mind left-overs. I look forward to a time that I can make something different for every night of the week.I stay at home with my babies–and we plan to homeschool–while my husband teaches at the local Catholic Seminary. Needless to say, your thrifty ideas are also helpful, since teaching is known for it's "won't make me a millionaire" salaries!Anyway, thank you. Again. I really enjoy and appreciate your site.Jenny
Elizabeth says
As a mother of two girls, ages 5 and almost 3 yo, yeah, I probably don't get it. 😉 (in terms of supporting/advising those with boys or more than me.) They are both quite spirited, though, so we have our fun moments here.I love reading your perspective. As someone whose own mother passed away when I was young (6 yo) I really appreciate bloggers who warmly share a bit of their wisdom and experience, in a way that encourages rather than discourages. You have been in that category for me, since I found you via Meredith's blog. (another great encourager though I suspect we are closer in age.)
Pippajo says
You managed to put into words many of the reasons your blog is one of my absolute faves! I can't tell you how many times I've thought of that verse in Titus (though I confess I've forgotten the reference) while reading through your words of wisdom.I consider myself a Mom in the Middle. I only have 2 children (NOT by design–we always wanted a large family), my children are neither very young nor old, and I, myself, am neither very young nor old. I find myself able to give advice to much younger moms with babies and toddlers, but still need lots of advice from those who have gone before me. And, sadly, I find there to be a definite lack of it. There have been a few women in my life I've wanted to clasp in arms and beg, "Please be my Titus woman!" but I always thought that would be weird. Not to mention alarming. For them.Anyway, I'm getting way off track…your stories and advice are filling a great need! That's why so many of us hang on your every word. We're hungry for someone who's been in the trenches and come out alive and with reasonably well-adjusted children who have successfully left home and become productive world-changing members of society to give us some guidance! Thank you for being willing to share what you've learned with those of us who follow in your footsteps.
Decadent Housewife says
Leila,So right, you are. And parenting boys is a whole different ball-game. We had four in five years. Homeschooled and did some other school too.Even my own mother didn't get it and she had four, but half were girls and all were spread out over 15 years.
HappyHermit says
So wonderful. Thank you for sharing.
Leila says
Wow, you all, thank you so much for all these lovely comments!It's so hard to get it all into words (and be pithy 🙂 — you all have helped me! "Consider the source!" indeed!I want to say I love you moms of two or three girls :)And sweet Meredith, I am sure that I haven't "seen the end result" — I keep thinking that I won't until I'm in heaven (God willing) — and I don't think you can start a blog there! :)So I'll put my two cents in now 🙂
Bonggamom says
Hi Leila, your words are so true. Beware of all the sanctimommies out there, there's always someone ready to jump in and judge you.BTW thanks for visiting my blog and feel free to come back on Monday Mornings or any old time 🙂
Mominapocket says
So very true…many blogs are written by younger mothers/women.MY adult children are in their twenties – so good to find a writer that is in my stage of life!Nancy
Jen says
Although I'm in my mid-thirties and have four children, I am relatively new to this mothering thing. I became a foster mom 4 1/2 years ago, adopted two girls 2 years later, and have since had two babies. I definately need help!! I'm thankful for women like you who are sharing their wisdom and experiences. It helps so much. And your just a couple of clicks away; modern technology is does have it's uses!
Freckled Hen says
You have really inspired me and made a difference in my life these last few months. You fell into my lap when I needed direction, even though I wasn't conscious of needing it. Your advice is supreme–boys or girls, young or old…thanks for that!
Kris says
"Beware of advice from someone with fewer than three children and with all girls!"—LOL! What a great quote!I have 8 boys ( and two girls :)I love families with lots of girls, too. They always seem so civilized. 😉 ( although I wouldn't trade my boys for A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G).
Rachel says
I'm replying, *again* (I am the second Rachel above)…I *wish* I knew of some women like you near me (I'm in OK). I *SO* wish that. I want to be that kind of woman for someone, someday. But for goodness sake, who is going to train me? My mother? No. Sadly. And there is no one else, at least not that I can find. It isn't as if you can grab a woman and beg! LOL. Most of the women in the right age range, wouldn't even know what I meant, if I asked them. SIGH.
Our Red House says
I love an appreciate your words of wisdom and experience. *Please* keep sharing. We have three boys and one girl and one thing I have learnt is that all kids are different, even in the same family. I thought I was a great mum with my first baby as he was very placid; when I had my second I was in for a big lesson.Kate
Linda says
*lol* Alllllll these lemon pictures and the post is about something completely different.. util the last two lines.. I thought that was hilarious! ;)AND I really liked the idea of the post, too!greetings from the netherlands 🙂
Mrs. Pickles says
Thank you for opening your home and heart to us younger moms. Some days we feel like we're just floundering, and seriously wonder if we're cut out for this. Online journals 🙂 like yours give us the inspiration (and virtual kick in the pants) we need to keep going day to day, until hopefully someday we'll be able to pass on some wisdom and encouragement too! There's nothing like a dose of perspective mixed with good humor. Thanks again for letting the Lord feed us through you. 🙂
Nova says
Thank you for this blog. You are a Titus woman to me. When I got married eight years ago I had no idea what that really meant. Then we were blessed with a baby less than a year into our marriage. Babysitting I could do, raising our own proved more problematic. For the first few years I just made do but was not happy. Now I am learning and growing and much happier in the roles God has given me. Thank you for giving me counsel in my journey.
Amy M says
I know I tried to keep my mouth shut while my family was growing. I knew I was struggling to give the a peaceful. beautiful home where they would worship God. Mostly, I intended each day to be a mother and wife to the family God have me and ended each day asking Him to forgive me!
I’ll give advice when someone’s asks but you inspire me to raise my voice more often.
Enjoying the harvest!